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Houston Jokes

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What is Whitney Houston's favorite porn?

HENTAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIII

What happened to the old mexican when he moved from Houston to Santa Fe?

He became a New Mexican

What was Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination?

(Inhales) HAND EEEEYYYEEE

What is Whitney Houston's favourite coordination?

HAAAANNNNDDD EEEEEYYYYYYEEEE

What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination?

HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!

It’s my cake day humour me.

What do you call it when an Amazon driver swerves out of the way of a pedestrian in Houston?

Prime Texas steer

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Now that Harvey Weinstein's career in Hollywood is over, he should move to Houston.

Houston is used to getting fucked by Harvey.

What do you call a guy who fails to make it onto the Houston baseball team?

Astro, not.

How long must this go on?

Two Marines boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat.

Just before take-off, an Army soldier got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Marines.

The Soldier kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes ...

I was so sad when I heard Whitney Houston overdosed on cocaine

AND DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEIIIIIIIIIIEED

The first woman on the Moon contacted Houston.

"Houston, we have a problem."

*"What is it?"*

"Never mind."

*"What's the problem?"*

"It's nothing."

*"Please tell us."*

"I'm fine."

What’s 3 inches long and hasn’t been sucked in 10 years?

Whitney Houstons crack pipe

A woman and her neighbor are on her roof in Houston waiting for rescue

While they're waiting, the neighbor notices a baseball cap floating through the flood waters. Suddenly, to her surprise, the baseball cap turns around and starts floating the other way. After going some ways, it turns around and floats back again. She observes this going on for some time, back an...

Do you know why they buried George H. W. In Houston instead of his beloved Kennebunkport?

Because it’s way too cold for planting Bushes in Maine.. told to me by my mother

What kind of coordination was Whitney Houston best known for?

Hannnnnnnnnnnnnnd eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye! (Will always love you!)

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TIL about the Houston 500 with pornstar Houston having sex with 500 men in one day

I'm still struggling with my Copenhagen 1 project

What's the difference between the trash can in the Houston Astros dugout and me?

That trash can is getting banged

Congratulations to Whitney Houston!

As of today she has been drug free for 8 years!

Black lives matter held a rally in Houston, but no one knew what they were trying to say.

The Astros stole all their signs.

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[NSFW] Houston, we have a problem...

I feel like porn has me given such unrealistic expectations about sex...

For example, having it with another person....

On Sale Now - Houston Texans

Get em for only a quarter

What's the difference between Whitney Houston and my car?

My car can hit 50

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Strippers in Houston must be doing great.

Because they're making it rain.

Whitney Houston is 3 Years sober!

Wow! Never thought it would happen

According to Whitney Houston, what is the most important form of co-ordination?

HAND EYEEE-E-EYE

What do the Houston Astros and Betty Crocker have in common?

A great selection of batters

Texans fan

A guy goes into a Houston bar with a Dachshund under his arm. The dog is decked out in a Texans jersey and helmet and is festooned with Texans pompoms.

The bartender says, "Hey! No pets allowed in here!"
The guy begs him, "Please we're both big Texans fans and the TV at my house is broken....

One of the houston astros players almost got Coronavirus

He saw the signs coming before

Some people stood in line for 3 hours tonight in Houston.

Once they finished paying for their groceries at Wal Mart, then they went to vote.

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It’s ironic Whitney Houston did all those Pepsi endorsements

Then over dosed on Coke

A reporter in Houston asked a woman how many churches were open during the flood

She said; "I don't know I eat at KFC"

Every bar in Houston right now..

..is a dive bar.

NASA is getting transmission from their moon mission astronauts

"Houston, we have a problem. Russians just landed on the moon."

"It's OK, continue your mission, ignore the Russians."

"Houston, we have a problem. Russians started to paint moon red."

"It's OK, continue your mission, ignore the Russians."

"Houston, we have a problem. Hal...

If only Whitney Houston could hit a baseball pitch as well as she could hit notes and pitch her voice.

She would have had the world’s best hAND EYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIEEEEEIIIIIIIIIII coordination.

What do you call a person who proposes while it is raining in Houston?

Wet-knee Houston.

A Frenchman was visiting Texas for the first time and was staying at a nice hotel in Houston...

In the bar he sat next to a cowboy and couldn't help but notice the size of the burger the man was eating. "Mon dieu - how big is your burger! And your beer!". "Yeah, " said the Texan. "Everything in Texas is big. Our houses, our trucks, our horses, our wives. Even our generosity!" With that he boug...

Why wouldn't you want to go to a bar in Houston?

All of their drinks are watered down.

Did you hear about the debate between Houston and Florida?

It's Roe v. Wade

Whats the good thing about living in Houston?

Property values are gonna be higher than Miami on Monday.

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

Who hits Houston harder?

Bobby Brown or Hurricane Harvey.

~Probably too soon.

My girlfriend and I overheard a Whitney Houston song.

She says “Man, Whitney had some pipes on her.”

I say “Pretty sure that’s how she died, right?”

Houston, we have a problem

Whitney Houston Jokes

Whitney Houston to star in her new film. The Bodybag.


One more..,

If she wasn’t before, Whitney Houston is definitely 100% soul now.

What was Whitney Houston's biggest hit?

Her last one

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A joke I heard in Wildlands

So these two marines board a flight to Houston.
No sooner had they settled down into their seats than an Army corporal came down the aisle and took the seat next to them.
So the corporal settles in, pulls off his boots, and gets comfortable.
The two Marines take one look at this guy and ...

Whitney Houston had quite the set of pipes on her.

In fact she died clutching onto one of them.

What do Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both spent a fortune making their noses more white.

Whitney Houston May Not Have Had The Last Word!

But I know She Had The Last Line!!

There was a blackout in the streets of Houston yesterday...

Don't worry, the police have everything under control..... they shot him.

How are the Houston Rockets just like Metapod?

All they've got is Harden

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After the death of Bobbi Kristina Brown in similar circumstances to her mother Whitney Houston...

The family have released an online video to commemorate their lives.
"Two Girls, One Tub" was probably not the best idea for a title.

Roe vs Wade is in the news again.

Right now, it's the two main forms of Houston transportation

One small step for Man

A friend of Neil Armstrong said when you landed on the moon,
in all the excitement, how the hell did you come up with that great saying …

One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind?

Just Amazing to be able to come up with that, on the spur of the moment!

Neil said i d...

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There was a groundbreaking surgery performed here in Houston, TX.

A baby was born recently that had a congenital condition that caused problems with the development of the delicate tissues on his face. The poor child was born without eyelids. Resourceful doctors and surgeons came up with a plan to circumcise the baby boy and use his foreskin to construct new eyeli...

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