What's the difference between the trash can in the Houston Astros dugout and me?

That trash can is getting banged

What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination?

Hand eeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyeeeeeeeeee

We’re in Houston, so don’t call us...

Just Texas

Congratulations to Whitney Houston!

As of today she has been drug free for 8 years!

One of the houston astros players almost got Coronavirus

He saw the signs coming before

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TIL about the Houston 500 with pornstar Houston having sex with 500 men in one day

I'm still struggling with my Copenhagen 1 project

Some people stood in line for 3 hours tonight in Houston.

Once they finished paying for their groceries at Wal Mart, then they went to vote.

According to Whitney Houston, what is the most important form of co-ordination?

HAND EYEEE-E-EYE

On Sale Now - Houston Texans

Get em for only a quarter

What do the Houston Astros and Betty Crocker have in common?

A great selection of batters

Do you know why they buried George H. W. In Houston instead of his beloved Kennebunkport?

Because it’s way too cold for planting Bushes in Maine.. told to me by my mother

First woman on the Moon.

"Houston, we have a problem."


What?


"Never mind"


What's the problem?


"Nothing"


Please tell us?


"You know what the problem is."

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What was Whitney Houston’s favourite genre of porn?

HENTAIIIIIIIIEEEEEAAIIIIII

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during particularly icy winter.

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules, so the husband left Minnesota...

What was Whitney Houstons favourite type of co-ordination?

Hand eyyyyyyyyyeeeee.

What kind of car did Whitney Houston drive?

A Hyundaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

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[NSFW] Houston, we have a problem...

I feel like porn has me given such unrealistic expectations about sex...

For example, having it with another person....

A Frenchman was visiting Texas for the first time and was staying at a nice hotel in Houston...

In the bar he sat next to a cowboy and couldn't help but notice the size of the burger the man was eating. "Mon dieu - how big is your burger! And your beer!". "Yeah, " said the Texan. "Everything in Texas is big. Our houses, our trucks, our horses, our wives. Even our generosity!" With that he boug...

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Now that Harvey Weinstein's career in Hollywood is over, he should move to Houston.

Houston is used to getting fucked by Harvey.

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It’s ironic Whitney Houston did all those Pepsi endorsements

Then over dosed on Coke

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

What’s four inches long and not getting sucked on Valentine’s Day?

Whitney Houston’s crack pipe.

What do you call a person who proposes while it is raining in Houston?

Wet-knee Houston.

If only Whitney Houston could hit a baseball pitch as well as she could hit notes and pitch her voice.

She would have had the world’s best hAND EYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIEEEEEIIIIIIIIIII coordination.

Horrible day

"Houston we have a problem."
*What?*
"Our equipment is malfunctioning and our backup life support has failed, it's just been a horrible day."
*Roger that. Have you tried restarting the...*
"OMG Houston, stop trying to fix the problem, I just want you to listen and be supportive!"

A woman and her neighbor are on her roof in Houston waiting for rescue

While they're waiting, the neighbor notices a baseball cap floating through the flood waters. Suddenly, to her surprise, the baseball cap turns around and starts floating the other way. After going some ways, it turns around and floats back again. She observes this going on for some time, back an...

Strippers in Houston must be doing great.

Because they're making it rain.

A reporter in Houston asked a woman how many churches were open during the flood

She said; "I don't know I eat at KFC"

Every bar in Houston right now..

..is a dive bar.

My girlfriend and I overheard a Whitney Houston song.

She says “Man, Whitney had some pipes on her.”

I say “Pretty sure that’s how she died, right?”

What will they be wearing in Africa next month?

Houston Astros World Series Champion t-shirts.

Who hits Houston harder?

Bobby Brown or Hurricane Harvey.

~Probably too soon.

First Woman Astronaut talks with NASA:

Woman Astronaut: Ummm...Houston, we have a problem...

NASA: What is the problem?

Woman Astronaut: Nevermind, just forget it.

Whitney Houston is 3 Years sober!

Wow! Never thought it would happen

Whats the good thing about living in Houston?

Property values are gonna be higher than Miami on Monday.

What's the difference between Whitney Houston and my car?

My car can hit 50

Why wouldn't you want to go to a bar in Houston?

All of their drinks are watered down.

Did you hear about the debate between Houston and Florida?

It's Roe v. Wade

I wanted to make a Houston joke a few days ago...

but i didn't want to be flooded with all the notifications.

Only in Houston is it considered appropriate to ask a stranger

How many inches you got?

The last Houston to be submerged in water

was Whitney and that didn’t end well.

I don't know why people say that they hate Houston.

Hell i mean just last week everyone got a free Swimming Pool.

Whitney Houston had quite the set of pipes on her.

In fact she died clutching onto one of them.

Roe vs Wade is in the news again.

Right now, it's the two main forms of Houston transportation

Houston, we have a problem

Whitney Houston Jokes

Whitney Houston to star in her new film. The Bodybag.


One more..,

If she wasn’t before, Whitney Houston is definitely 100% soul now.

I was talking to a hipster when he asked me my favorite underground artist.

I replied Whitney Houston

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After the death of Bobbi Kristina Brown in similar circumstances to her mother Whitney Houston...

The family have released an online video to commemorate their lives.
"Two Girls, One Tub" was probably not the best idea for a title.

What was Whitney Houston's biggest hit?

Her last one

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There was a groundbreaking surgery performed here in Houston, TX.

A baby was born recently that had a congenital condition that caused problems with the development of the delicate tissues on his face. The poor child was born without eyelids. Resourceful doctors and surgeons came up with a plan to circumcise the baby boy and use his foreskin to construct new eyeli...

What do Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both spent a fortune making their noses more white.

Watching Whitney Houston's funeral

Was like watching every Tyler Perry movie at once

How are the Houston Rockets just like Metapod?

All they've got is Harden

Whitney Houston May Not Have Had The Last Word!

But I know She Had The Last Line!!

The Stolen Horse

A Desperado rides into town and downs a few drinks at the saloon. When he steps outside again, he finds his horse has been stolen. The Desperado swears, steps back into the bar, and fires a round into the piano. The room goes dead silent. “I’m gonna have one more beer,” the Desperado bellows to the ...

Survivor: Texas Edition

Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled: "Survivor - Texas Edition".

The lucky contestants will all start in Dallas then drive a circuit to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, Houston, Brownsville, Del Rio, El Paso, Odessa, Midland, Lubbock, Amarillo, Abilen...

Marines

Two Marines boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, an Army soldier got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Marines. The Soldier kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settlin...

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Stop sign regulations.

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education than any cop from Houston. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy's expen...

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