First Woman Astronaut talks with NASA:

Woman Astronaut: Ummm...Houston, we have a problem...

NASA: What is the problem?

Woman Astronaut: Nevermind, just forget it.

A Minnesota couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter.

They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules together. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following ...

What will they be wearing in Africa next month?

Houston Astros World Series Champion t-shirts.

What do the Houston Astros and Betty Crocker have in common?

A great selection of batters

First Woman on the Moon:

"Houston, we have a problem"

What?

"Never mind"

What's the problem?

"Nothing"

Please tell us

"I'm fine"

What is Whitney Houston's favourite type of coordination?

HAAAAAND EEEEEEEYYYYYYYEEEEE

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What was Whitney Houston’s favourite genre of porn?

HENTAIIIIIIIIEEEEEAAIIIIII

Why don't we send women to space?

Her:Houston we have a problem!

Houston:What is the problem?

Her:Oh you know whats the problem

I was talking to a hipster when he asked me my favorite underground artist.

I replied Whitney Houston

A Frenchman was visiting Texas for the first time and was staying at a nice hotel in Houston...

In the bar he sat next to a cowboy and couldn't help but notice the size of the burger the man was eating. "Mon dieu - how big is your burger! And your beer!". "Yeah, " said the Texan. "Everything in Texas is big. Our houses, our trucks, our horses, our wives. Even our generosity!" With that he boug...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s ironic Whitney Houston did all those Pepsi endorsements

Then over dosed on Coke

What's 7 inches long and hasn't been sucked in 7 years?

Whitney Houston's crack pipe.

My girlfriend and I overheard a Whitney Houston song.

She says “Man, Whitney had some pipes on her.”

I say “Pretty sure that’s how she died, right?”

What kind of car did Whitney Houston drive?

A Hyundaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Do you know why they buried George H. W. In Houston instead of his beloved Kennebunkport?

Because it’s way too cold for planting Bushes in Maine.. told to me by my mother

One small step for Man...

Neil Armstrong was asked... when you stepped on the moon... in that enormous moment... how did you come up with the saying...
“ One small step for man, and one giant leap for mankind”... What an incredible quote!!!

He said I never said that!!

I actually said “One small step for man ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Houston, we have a problem...

I feel like porn has me given such unrealistic expectations about sex...

For example, having it with another person....

Survivor: Texas Edition

Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled: "Survivor - Texas Edition".

The lucky contestants will all start in Dallas then drive a circuit to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, Houston, Brownsville, Del Rio, El Paso, Odessa, Midland, Lubbock, Amarillo, Abilen...

If only Whitney Houston could hit a baseball pitch as well as she could hit notes and pitch her voice.

She would have had the world’s best hAND EYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIEEEEEIIIIIIIIIII coordination.

What's black, white and red all over?

Whitney Houston with a nose bleed.

NASA was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

I'm glad the Astros won the World Series

The people of Houston have waded so long for this.

What’s Kim Jong Un’s favourite sport team?

Houston Rockets ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Now that Harvey Weinstein's career in Hollywood is over, he should move to Houston.

Houston is used to getting fucked by Harvey.

Do you know why women aren’t allowed in space?

To avoid scenarios like: "Houston, we have a problem!"

"What is the problem?"

"Yeah, great, pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about!"

The Stolen Horse

A Desperado rides into town and downs a few drinks at the saloon. When he steps outside again, he finds his horse has been stolen. The Desperado swears, steps back into the bar, and fires a round into the piano. The room goes dead silent. “I’m gonna have one more beer,” the Desperado bellows to the ...

Whitney Houston had quite the set of pipes on her.

In fact she died clutching onto one of them.

Did you hear about the debate between Houston and Florida?

It's Roe v. Wade

Whats the good thing about living in Houston?

Property values are gonna be higher than Miami on Monday.

Astronauts must be having a blast

Because now they can say:
"Houston YOU have a problem"

Only in Houston is it considered appropriate to ask a stranger

How many inches you got?

A reporter in Houston asked a woman how many churches were open during the flood

She said; "I don't know I eat at KFC"

A woman and her neighbor are on her roof in Houston waiting for rescue

While they're waiting, the neighbor notices a baseball cap floating through the flood waters. Suddenly, to her surprise, the baseball cap turns around and starts floating the other way. After going some ways, it turns around and floats back again. She observes this going on for some time, back an...

Astronauts release a photo of Hurricane Harvey...

Astronauts released a photo of Hurricane Harvey as seen from the the International Space Station. They sent a short message along with the photograph; "Houston, you have a problem."

I wanted to make a Houston joke a few days ago...

but i didn't want to be flooded with all the notifications.

Every bar in Houston right now..

..is a dive bar.

An American and a Brit stood looking at the wreckage of the twin towers post 9/11

Brit: “are you local?”

American: “No I’m visiting from Houston, Texas, what about you”

Brit: “I’m from Liverpool”

American: “Liverpool? What state is that in?”

Brit: *pointing to the wreckage* “well, it’s a bit like this really”

Who hits Houston harder?

Bobby Brown or Hurricane Harvey.

~Probably too soon.

Why wouldn't you want to go to a bar in Houston?

All of their drinks are watered down.

Whitney Houston is 3 Years sober!

Wow! Never thought it would happen

What's the difference between Whitney Houston and my car?

My car can hit 50

The last Houston to be submerged in water

was Whitney and that didn’t end well.

Roe vs Wade is in the news again.

Right now, it's the two main forms of Houston transportation

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a groundbreaking surgery performed here in Houston, TX.

A baby was born recently that had a congenital condition that caused problems with the development of the delicate tissues on his face. The poor child was born without eyelids. Resourceful doctors and surgeons came up with a plan to circumcise the baby boy and use his foreskin to construct new eyeli...

There was a blackout in the streets of Houston yesterday...

Don't worry, the police have everything under control..... they shot him.

Houston, we have a problem

Whitney Houston Jokes

Whitney Houston to star in her new film. The Bodybag.


One more..,

If she wasn’t before, Whitney Houston is definitely 100% soul now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After the death of Bobbi Kristina Brown in similar circumstances to her mother Whitney Houston...

The family have released an online video to commemorate their lives.
"Two Girls, One Tub" was probably not the best idea for a title.

What was Whitney Houston's biggest hit?

Her last one

Watching Whitney Houston's funeral

Was like watching every Tyler Perry movie at once

What do Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both spent a fortune making their noses more white.

How are the Houston Rockets just like Metapod?

All they've got is Harden

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