Everyone in Hawaii is mad about the malfunction of the early warning system. Those fools.

Hawaii IS the early warning system.

This year, we had to cancel our annual trip to Hawaii because of Covid-19.

Usually we do it because we can’t afford to go.

Why did the cow go to Hawaii?

To attend her first Mooau!

Cyclops: How do you spell Hawaii?

Wife: Well, you need 2 i’s.

Cyclops: [puts pen down] My life is just a joke to you, isn’t it Linda?

So there was this king in Hawaii living in a straw thatch style palace whose hobby was collecting thrones...

Anytime some local carpenter created a new ornate chair, he had to have it for his collection. The guy was wild about them, it was his one true passion in life.

Well one day, lightning strikes during a thunderstorm and his palace burns down including his entire collection. He was crushed, ne...

Hawaii is a veritable island paradise for someone studying Spock's culture

It's a Vulcanology hot spot

(I land chains of jokes like this one, occasionally)

I just can't find a woman in Hawaii, my standards are just too high.

But there might still be a chance if Aloha my expectations!

A 15-year old boy came home with a Porsche.

His parents began to yell and scream. “Where did you get that car?”

He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”

“With what money?” Demanded his parents. “We know how much a Porsche costs!”

“Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.”

The parents began to yell e...

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My girlfriend thinks Hawaii is sexist.

I told her we had all-mail voting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Seven Lessons of Life

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give y...

The IRS is investigating a seafood company in Hawaii which dealt in mollusks

They suspect it of being a shell company being in fishy business

I'm going to write a TV show about a detective living in Hawaii who uses mathematics to solve crimes in a circular fashion

that's right, Magnum Pi.

Hawaii is hosting a party for all the states. Hawaii says, “be there or be square!”

Unfortunately, Colorado and Wyoming didn’t attend.

What do they call the Fourth of July in Hawaii?

Dependence day.

A Hawaii woodpecker and a California woodpecker were arguing about which place had the toughest trees.

The Hawaiian woodpecker said Hawaii had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.

The California woodpecker accepted his challenge, and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Hawaiian woodpecker was in awe.

The California woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecke...

A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly...

The sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.” The biker pulled over and said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.”

The Lord said, “Your request is materialis...

Why does everyone in Hawaii get free WiFi?

Cause they’re on a hot spot

Me: I wish I can go to Hawaii again. Wife: What?? You've never been to Hawaii before.

Me: I know. But I wished it last year.

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16yo with a part time job at McDonald's comes home in a new Porsche Panamera Turbo S.

His mom screams at him, "HOW THE HELL DID YOU BUY THAT PORSCHE, WE KNOW WHAT IT COSTS."

The 16yo says, "I got it from that old lady over there, she gave me it for $1.

His mom, steaming: OMG SHE MIGHT BE A RAPIST AND A CHILD ABUSER! LET'S GO SEE HER!!"

His dad goes to the old lad...

If the ISIS decided to suicide bomb in Hawaii

will they shout "allahu akbar" or "aloha akbar?

Religious Grandma Still Drives

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.

So, I ...

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza the other day..

I should have cooked it on aloha temperature

Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear casual clothes so they won’t be identified as clergy.

They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and soon hit the beach. They notice a gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini.

"Good afternoon, Fathers," she says as she strolls by.

The men are stunned. How does she know they’re clergy? Later they buy even wilder attire: surfer shorts, tie-dyed T-shirt...

A tourist in Hawaii is amazed at how healthy and invigorated he feels after just a few days into visiting the islands...

He strikes up a conversation with one of the locals while they are wading out into the crystal clear, warm surf on yet another perfect island day. "I just cant get over how beautiful this place is," the tourist says excitedly, "I feel great! I haven't felt this young and healthy in years! Island lif...

A class of aerospace engineers and their professor were all given free tickets to Hawaii.

Once on the plane, the captain announced they were flying the aircraft the students had assembled. Everyone immediately rushed off, except for the teacher who relaxed in his seat. The flight asked "Wow, you have that much faith in your students?" The teacher replied, "I know exactly what my students...

A billionaire gets an idea to build a bridge from Los Angeles to Hawaii

He approaches a civil engineer to design this massive bridge for him.

The engineer tells him, “Look, this isn’t a matter of money, it simply can’t be done. The Pacific Ocean is too deep, no concrete beam could support the pressure of the depths, let alone the thousands that would be needed to...

NSFW: What did Bin Laden say when he landed on Hawaii?

Aloha-Akbar!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". T...

3 Drunken southern men are asking for one more round of drinks

The bartender says “no way, look at how drunk you’ve become!”

The 3 drunk southerners keep insisting.

The bartender says “Alright, whoever can name the southern most state in America gets another drink.

The 1st drunk Shouts “TEXAS! it’s where most people in the world think of wh...

A man is riding a motorcycle down Pacific Coast Highway, living the dream, when all of a sudden the clouds start to form...

...he pulls over. Out of nowhere he hears a booming voice from above: "My son, you have lived a life of virtue, one that I would be proud of, ask me of anything and I will grant it."

Astounded the man thinks for a minute then says: "Well I wish that I could ride my bike to Hawaii. I wish ther...

They are working on a nuclear device in Hawaii

The Nukeulele

What's the most popular game in Hawaii right now?

The floor is lava!

Today, in Hawaii, a missile wasn't fired

But someone sure will be...

An old man is riding his Harley through California,

As he was riding, he saw a shiny object on the side of the road. The old man pulled over, picked it up, dusted it off and discovered it was a genie lamp. He rubbed the lamp and the genie appeared.

"You have freed me from the bottle, so I shall grant you one wish. Name your wish!" Stated the G...

A Man Finds a Lamp...

A man is on a walj when he comes across as lamp. He rubs the lamp and a genie comes out.

The genie tells the man he will grant him 3 wishes.

The man thinks long and hard and declares "I want to live a long and healthy life."

The genie immediately scans the man's body, eliminatin...

What did Godzilla say after he devoured Hawaii?

I WANT SAMOA

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If Saitama from One Punch Man was from Hawaii instead of Japan

Would his name be Hawaiian Punch?

"We're going to be together for the rest of our lives!" smiled my wife as we flew on our dream vacation to Hawaii...

"You seem pretty sure of yourself." I replied.

"I am!" she said, gazing out the window. "The left wing's fallen off and the engine's on fire."

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My friend and I were in Hawaii, we both got messages saying ballistic missiles were closing in on us, and thought we had minutes to live.

I asked "What are you going to do?" He said "I'm fucking the first thing that moves. What are you going to do?" I said "Try to stay perfectly still".

A man and a women are in Hawaii on their honeymoon

They start arguing over the pronunciation of "Hawaii".

The man says it is pronounced "Hawaii" while the woman firmly believes it is pronounced "Havaii".

The woman is sick of this silly argument interfering with their vacation so she asks a local how it is pronounced and he says "Havaii...

Wish Granted by Genie

A middle aged man was walking along the beach one day, when he stumbles and discovers a small brass lamp. Rubbing it, a genie appears and offers to grant him just one wish.

After careful thought, the man says, "All of my life, I have wanted to visit Hawaii. But I am deathly afraid of flying a...

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Which state doess Japan think is cutest?

Hawaii!

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A guy and gal from Alabama get married

They have a very nice wedding and both families get along well. A few months later comes the honeymoon. They fly out to Hawaii. on the first night the girl tells her new husband that she is still a virgin. The husband leaves immediately and goes home to talk to his dad. The dad says “what are you do...

I went to college in Hawaii and

While I was jogging on the beach one day, I saw a man in the distance drowning !
He was waving his arms screaming:
“Helllppppp.... *Shark* ... please... hellllpppppp”

And then I started laughing, haha, cause I knew that that shark wasn’t going to help him

Two Priests going on vacation to Hawaii were...

determined to make this a real vacation
by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store
and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning they went to the beach dressed i...

Why can't Admiral Ackbar fly to Hawaii?

"Aloha Ackbar" doesn't go over well at the airport

Five Redditors are walking in a forest...

Five redditors are walking in a forest...

...when they find a lamp on the ground. One of them rubs it, and (as expected), a genie appears. Because he's feeling particularly generous, the genie decides to grant all five of them one wish each.

The first one steps forward. "I would like ...

What’s a massage with a happy ending in Hawaii called?

A lei.

For our 25th anniversary, I took my wife to Hawaii...

...and for our 26th I plan to go back and get her.

What do you call a muslim opening a bar in Hawaii?

Aloha Snackbar.

What happened to Hawaii when it lost all of its musical instruments?

It became an a cappellago.

A Bridge to Hawaii

A man is cleaning out his garage and comes upon an old lamp. He figures what the heck, takes the lamp, rubs it off, and sure enough a Genie pops out. “Thank you for awakening me. I will grant you one wish.”
The man inquires “anything I want?"

“Yes, anything” says the Genie.
...

Grandpa make a sound like a Frog

Grandpa make a sound like a frog!


Why my dear?

Mom says when you croak, we get to go to Hawaii!

I found out what is going on with Hawaii

Someone stole the heart of Tafiti

"Dad, what made you fall ill in Hawaii?"

"Poi, son."

They say Hawaii is the best place to go to feel like a kid again

Right now you can play "The floor is actually lava"

The Interstate to Hawaii

A guy is walking along a beach and discovers a broken bottle, from which a genie comes appears. The genie informs the guy that he can have one wish granted with the caveat of no asking for more wishes.

The guy makes his wish: “Can you build an interstate to Hawaii because I hate flying and dr...

Vacation Plans

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation... only this year I'm gonna do it different. The last few years, I been takin' your advice 'bout where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Ha...

How do you treat a sunburn in Hawaii?

With Aloe-ha Vera!

Hawaii got nervous but...

It missed isle

An accountant and a lawyer were laying on a beach in Hawaii sipping mai tai's

The lawyer started telling the accountant how he came to be there.

"I had this downtown property in Memphis that caught fire and after the insurance paid off, I came here."

The accountant said, "I had a downtown property, too, in Miami. It got flooded so here I am with the insuranc...

Did you know Obama was from Hawaii

Kenya believe it?

A man was walking along a beach in California when he stumbled across an old lamp.

As he rubbed it, a genie popped out and granted him a wish.

‘Let me see,’ said the guy. ‘I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I’m scared of flying and get seasick. So could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so that I can go there on vacation?’

The genie scratched his head. ‘A bridge f...

Bridge to Hawaii

Greg is in his car driving on the highway by the ocean in California when he stops and asks God for just 1 wish for being a super faithful and good human being. God instantly appears and tells Greg that he has earned right for one wish.


Greg: I wish for a bridge from here to Hawaii so tha...

My step-dad told me it was pointless to apply to med school because "I was too stupid to be a doctor"

8 years later one of us is an unemployed loser with a drinking problem and the other is making six figures and going to Hawaii this weekend to renew his wedding vows with my mom.

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A cruise ship wrecks in the middle of the ocean.

The only three survivors are tourists from different areas of the United States. A man from Georgia, a man from Florida and a man from Hawaii. They float on a raft until they hit an island where they’re met by a tribe of fierce locals who despise outsiders. A member of tribe offers to translate for ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A catholic all boys school went on a trip...

A catholic all boys school was going on a trip to Hawaii. They are on the plane when the pilot says on the radio “Father, can you come up to the cockpit really quick”. So the priest gets up and makes his way over to the pilot. When he gets to him the pilot says “Father, we have a big problem, there ...

God, bored one day, decides to visit one of his most loyal followers and grant him one wsh.

Follower: Wow, anything I want!?!?

God: Yes, as long as it is in reason.

Follower: OK, can I get a highway from my house to Hawaii?

God: I'm sorry, that would interfere with other people and nature, so I'm afraid I cannot do that.

Follower: Alright, I wish to be able to u...

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A man walks along a beach in Hawaii when he finds a lamp.

He picks it up and brushes it off, when a genie pops up! He says,
"My good man, thank you for freeing me from this lamp. As a token of my gratitude, you can have three wishes from me."

The man is elated. "I wish I could have a Ferrari!" The genie snaps his fingers and a shiny red Ferrari m...

What’s the difference between Kim jong un and dominoes ?

Dominoes can deliver a crispy Hawaiian in less than 30 minutes

What do Jamaican Charizards eat in Hawaii?

Poke, mon.

Highway to Hawaii

One day a man came across a magic lamp. Naturally, the man rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared. The genie gave the man one wish. Not wanting to waste the wish the man thought about it for awhile and decided he wanted the genie to build a highway to Hawaii, as he wanted to visit there, but was death...

A man finds a mysterious ancient lamp...

The man dusts off the ancient lamp and out comes a genie!

The genie says to the man:

"you have awoken me from my slumber! I will grant you 3 wishes as a reward for finding me."

The man responds to the genie with great excitement

"Oh man thank you so much, I don't know whe...

A student was flying back home so he reaches to the airport counter and speaks to the counter officer:

Student: Sir, here is my passport and the ticket.

Officer: Ok,its alright may i check your luggage.

Student: Ok here it is.But I would like to send my green suitcase to Hawaii and my red suitcase to London.

Officer:( Looking confused), I'm sorry we cannot do that?

St...

I burned my Hawaiian pizza today...

I guess i should have put the oven on aloha setting

A 17-year-old boy who works part time at Pizza Hut drives up to park in front of his house in a beautiful Porche

Naturally, his parents know that there’s no way he earned enough with his after-school job to buy such a car.
“Where did you get that car?” his mom and dad screamed in shock.

“I bought it today,” replied the teen calmly.

“With what money young man?” his mom demands. “We know how mu...

Retired golf vacation in Hawaii...

A man retires after 35 years at the same job and decides to take his first retirement vacation in Hawaii with his wife. He is really looking forward to two weeks of sightseeing and golf. The day they arrive, he signs up for pro golf lessons at the beautiful Pebble Beach Country Club. After a night o...

If The Beatles were from Hawaii...

What would they have called their song, "Hello Goodbye?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I almost had sex with a Hawaiian...

But I ended up prematurely evacuating.

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An older couple is leaving for a trip to Hawaii

So today was the day. Dave and Margie were boarding the plane on their long awaited trip to Hawaii. They take their seats and the pilot announces "our trip today will be about 5 hours and the weather report is very good, so just sit back and relax". And not knowing his mic was still on the pilot tur...

Where did Mohammed take his wife of their trip to Hawaii?

To The Aloha Snackbar

How did the Mexican greet people in Hawaii?

Ahola.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Castaway

A young man was on a cruise ship to Hawaii. He somehow fell overboard unnoticed, but luckily managed to get himself onto a small uninhabited island.
Luckily for him, he was a avid watcher of all those “survival” shows and managed to situate himself comfortably. After scouring the islan...

A man is walking along the beach, when he trips over something, looks down and sees an old bottle. He picks it up and out pops a genie. "I will give you one wish and only one. What will it be?" The man thinks and thinks...

He lives in California and really loves to visit Hawaii, but he despises flying, so he asks the genie.

"I want a bridge from California to Hawaii, over the Pacific ocean."

The genie looks at him for a bit.

He says, "No, no, no. Sorry, but a bridge over the Pacific? That is too ...

Divorced man gets 3 wishes

A man, who was recently divorced from his wife was roaming thru the desert randomly struck his foot on an ancient Arab lamp and *WOOSH* out comes a magical genie

[Genie] You have awoken me and now you may have 3 wishes....but remember anything that you wish for your ex wife will receive doubl...

Lesson 2 of 6: The Boss

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedbo...

A guy is flying to Hawaii...

He's unsure of the pronunciation, not sure if its "Hawaii" or "Havaii", so when he gets off of the plane, he looks for a local.

He finds a guy that appears to be a local and asks him, "is it pronounced 'Hawaii' or 'Havaii'?"

The local responds "Havaii!"

The traveler then says th...

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