A Chinese doctor cant find a job in a hospital in America, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside that reads "GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100."

An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.

Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."

Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 14 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."

Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."

Chinese: "Congrats, yo...

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Anyone know a cure for sex addiction?

I've tried f***ing everything

There's a medicine you can buy that apparently cures scepticism.

But I'm not buying it.

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“What do we want?” “A cure for Tourette’s!” “When do we want it?”

"Cunt!"

Trump couldn't find the cure for the Coronavirus...

But the Coronavirus may have found the cure for Trump.

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A man was having problems with premature ejaculation. This was affecting marital relations with his wife so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem.

In response the doctor said, “When you feel the urge to ejaculate, try startling yourself.”

On the way home the man went to a gun store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try out this suggestion he ran home to his wife. When he got home he was surprised and delighted to find...

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Mr. Johnson has been having constant headaches ever since his teenage years. For years and years his doctor tries to cure him, but the headaches only get worse and worse.

Finally, one day, the doctor asks Mr. Johnson to undress. After inspecting Mr. Johnson's body, he sees the problem.

"You have an extremely rare condition," explains the doc. "Your testicles are pressed up against your spinal cord, giving you headaches. This condition has no known cause and on...

The butcher had over 20 types of cured cylindrical meat for sale.

I never sausage a selection.

Did you know there's a cure for scoliosis?

I had a hunch.

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While in China, an American man is sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days ...

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i asked my therapist: can you cure my bondage addiction?

he said: "i wish i can help you but my hands are tied"

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I accidentally deleted the manuscript of my book '1000 Ways to Cure an Itch'

It looks like I'll have to start from scratch

I forgot to save my new book, “1000 Ways to Cure an Itch” before my computer died.

Guess I’m starting again from scratch.

I've heard that I'm the cure to Covid.

Lucky for you it's a suppository.

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What did Dr. Watson name the product he invented to successfully cure his partner’s chronic diarrhea?

No shit Sherlock

Elon Musk and Bill Gates should team up to invent a cure for erectile dysfunction,

and name it ElonGates

I think I discovered a really simple cure for anorexia.

It's a piece of cake.

Did you all hear the joke about the cure for Covid 19?

It's a riot

After years of drinking, I can say that alcohol cures obesity and bad looks

Not in me, but in people I look at

Where do blind people go to get cured?

To the ICU.

So a doctor starts up a practice and decides to challenge himself, so he puts out a sign: "I'll cure any sickness for only $100. If I can't, I'll pay you $500!"

A lawyer sees the sign out front and decides this would be some easy fast cash so he goes in to see the doctor.

"Doctor I cant taste anything!"

Doctor says "nurse go grab vial 43!", she brings it and he puts two drops on the lawyer's tongue.

The lawyer quickly spits it out and s...

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When I heard there was a cure for dyslexia...

... it was music to my arse

An inspector goes to a mental institution to check if any of the patients had been cured

When he gets there he places an empty pool on the ground. All the patients start squealing with joy, and jumping in the pool, hurting themselves. Only one patient stands to the side and doesn’t jump. The inspector goes to ask him why he isn’t jumping. The patient says: “do you think I’m crazy? I can...

How did the doctor cure the invisible man?

He took him to the ICU

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you.

Smoking bacon will cure it.

I'm no expert on covid-19 but I do know the cure

They are an amazing band from the 80s.

With the far right prescribing UV and sunlight for medical cures

They have finally seen the benefits of solar power.

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I saw an ad from a local store with an upcoming sale for pills to cure premature ejaculation. When I got there they told me they didn’t have them in stock yet.

Seems like I came too early.

What kind of food cures blind people?

Seafood.

I found the magic remedy to cure my SO from loudly snoring all night!

I smothered him with a pillow.

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The Queen's breasts

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.


Sid, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.


One day Sid revealed his secret desire to ...

I cannot believe no ones come up with a cure for anorexia yet.

I thought it would be a piece of cake!

Finding a cure for STDs is important

But finding a cure for erectile dysfunction is impotent-er.

I have this friend who had cancer. In the process of cure and after he got released, he said his life was completely changed.

You know what they say about tumors. They really grow on you.

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Once there lived a horny man (NSFW)

There was once a horny man, who always wanted to suck the Queen's tits. He kept fantasizing, but he knew that he could never do it. He got a friend who was in the King's Palace, so he decided to ask him for help. The Friend agreed to help the horny man to fulfill his dream, but the horny man should ...

BREAKING: Cure for corona has been discovered in North Korea

New treatment involves shooting patients in the face, and has recorded a 100% success rate in getting rid of the virus.

Scientists have just found the cure to COVID-19

They call it cyanide.

*It also cures all other diseases.*

A perfect cure for corona:

Tell corona that you are serious, you love it and that you want to spend the rest of your life with corona. You will not hear from corona ever again.

Why did the man with bipolar go to the nail salon?

Because they offer manic cures

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Once Abdul's wife had a severe stomach ache..

He tried Google, asked his friends and relatives, but no respite from the pain for his wife. Finally, someone suggested to him a reputed Gastroenterologist, and he called him.

Abdul: "Doctor! Please help my wife. She has a severe stomach ache, and I tried everywhere, and nothing is helping. W...

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I've been diagnosed with a disease that causes intense headaches, confusion, and a complete inability to have sex. Luckily there's a cure.

Divorce.

Why Bill Gates should lead the team to find the Corona Virus cure?

He has been dealing with viruses since Windows 3.0

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A guys at a bar when he sees on TV that a doctor has cured cancer.

The man says "wow, that's amazing this will have so many effects on the medical and scientific fields. I wonder when they're gonna start using that drug to help those with cancer?" His friend next to him says "man I hope never" the man looks at him and says "why's that?" The friend replies saying "w...

How do you cure someone from steroid abuse?

You give them the anti-dope

My doctor told me that the coronavirus cure wasn’t ready yet. It told him to hurry it up because...

Everybody wants to be a kung-flu fighter

I have insomnia.

I won’t rest until I find a cure.

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TIFU by sticking a chimney starter up my butt to cure my coronavirus.

Turns out it's only effective against the flue.

Doctor: You have a disease, but we can treat it. Patient: What's the cure?

Doctor: It's an 80s rock band fronted by Robert Smith. But let's try to stay focused.

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Why are Jewish delis and therapist's offices alike?

They're both places where beef is cured.

In a parallel universe, mouse scientists just cured cancer!

But alas it only works in lab humans

Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.

Too bad he doesn’t cry.

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Plant based cure for COVID-19

Plant your butt at home

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An old man goes to the doctor

An old man goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need a cure for my constant memory lapses... and since I'm here, I also need something that will make my dick harden." The doctor says that both problems are solvable, but that it would better to treat only one at a time. The old man replies that, given his age...

“I’m sorry,” the doctor says, “you have rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you and you’ll only be fed cheese and bologna.” “Will that cure me?” the patient asks.

“Well, no,” the doctor replies, “but it’s the only food that will fit under the door.”

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Cure for snoring

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife
goes to the vet to see if he can help.

The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles, and he
will stop snoring.

'Yeah right!' she says.

A few minutes after going to bed, the dog ...

Why Parents Drink

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed
was nicely made and everything was picked up.
Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and...

My friend was grateful when I told her about the supernatural cure for the virus.

I knew I made the right choice when I told her witch doctor to go to.

With the threat of the new coralvirus, who did the fish put in charge of finding a cure?

The Sturgeon General

What does weed and the clap have in common?

They both take ten days to cure.

The Coronavirus cure is going to come from Wish.com

It will come from China and could take 6-18 months to get here

How do you cure a Seattlite of COVID-19?

Space and Needles

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The tale of Daniel Morgan

This is a tale of Daniel Morgan,
Who had a tiny sexual organ
This gave the girls a sudden shock
When they held his tiny cock,
He laboured hard to find a cure
And poulticed it with fish manure
He tied it up with bits of string
But still it was a poor wee thing
It was j...

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I found a cure for my wife's insomnia...

All I have to do is express a desire to have sex with her and immediately she is too tired to do anything but sleep.

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Sex & Good Grammar NSFW

**On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.** **The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who** **was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medic...

Took awhile for the Trump administration to finally register and patent the cure for COVID-19 under...

ISO-LATE

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A man with anal infection went to the doctor,the doctor said "the only cure that exist, is to stick a cucumber in your butthole"

so the man went back home to his wife, explained to her what happened, and asked her to help him out.

man: "honey you should do as the doctor instructed me to do"

wife: "okay, what should I do?"

man: "hold one butt cheek with your left hand and, the other with your right hand,...

Temper cure...

A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband 's temper.
The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?
The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."
The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When i...

This book, “The Procrastination Cure: 21 Proven Tactics For Conquering Your Inner Procrastinator”

I have had it in my Amazon shopping cart for six months, I will probably order it tomorrow.

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What spell did Harry Potter use to cure constipation?

Expelianus!

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A man goes to the doctor to discuss his stutter.

A man goes to the doctor to discuss his stutter.

The man says, “D.D.D.D.D. Doctor. I.I.I.I. I can’t stop st.st.st. stuttering. P.P.P.P.P. Please help.”

After a thorough exam, the doctor tells the man, “We’ve found that your penis is 14 inches long and weighs 3 pounds. The strain of t...

Revolutionary medicine that cures Lyme Disease, but causes Tourette’s

Now that’s gonna cause a lot of nervous tics

What's the cure to old age?

Cancer

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NSFW Western v Eastern medicine

A GI had caught a venereal disease while serving in overseas. His penis had become infected, red, and smelly.
The GI went to a doctor and he told him that amputation is the only option to cure it. Disillusioned the GI had a second opinion and was told again that amputation was the only option. <...

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"Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration"

The doctor said, "You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. H...

Does anyone know of any actors that can help cure my lisp?

I’m pretty sure Anne Hathaway, but I’m going to ask Colin Firth.

How did the mathematician cure his constipation?

He worked it out with a pencil!

Why is it difficult to cure blind people?

Because they can't see a doctor.

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[NSFW] A man went to a doctor to cure his dick

Man: I have a problem with my penis, promise me you won’t laugh

Doctor: Alright, let’s see what’s wrong

The man pulled down his pants and revealed his tiny wiener, it was around the size of a AAA battery. The doctor let out a little giggle but immediately regained composure. After a fe...

Dan went to his physician for his annual check-up.

However, he was shocked when his doctor said to him, “I’m afraid you’ve only got three weeks to live.”

“Are you sure?” said Dan, “I feel fine. Isn’t there anything that can be done?”

“Well,” said his doctor, “you could try taking a mud bath each day.”

“Will that cure me?” asked ...

A man wanted to know if a doctor could cure his blindness,

But he was kept in the dark about it.

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Man has suffered severe headaches since his teenage years.

Man has suffered severe headaches since his teenage years. He is now in his 30s still suffering terrible headaches. Doctors have run every test known, tried every medicine but still the headaches continue.

Eventually the man finds himself another doctor who after a thorough examination tells ...

How do you cure a peanut allergy?

Give them peanuts

The cure for my depression is right around the corner...

Yep here comes the train now.

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I take Viagra for my sun burn...

It doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs when I sleep.

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I cured my Alzheimer’s by pissin’ in the wind...

It’s all coming back to me now.

Why is visiting Taj Mahal before you reach your destination a cure for erectile dysfunction?

Coz it forces you to take the via Agra route

It”s morning somewhere

Ever since I was a child, I'd always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him: “I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.” "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Co...

What do you call a homeopathic remedy thought to cure simply because it exists, yet has no purpose nor explanation as to why?

Existential oils

I know why the Coronavirus will not become a serious threat and will be contained and cured

anything "Made in China" never works properly

A doctor puts up a sign in front of his hospital.

The sign reads, if I can cure you, I get $20. If I can’t cure you, I pay you $100. A lawyer decides that it’s his time to shine, so goes to the doctor.
“Doctor, I cant taste anything anymore. Please cure me!”
The doctor tells his nurse to get him some of drawer 33.
“Wait a second,” the lawy...

A old Woman goes to the doctor

She says to the doctor, "I have a really embarrassing problem and I have finally convinced myself to come and see you"

"You see, I constantly fart, but they don't smell and they don't make any noise so it hasn't bothered me all these years. I've even farted three times since coming into your ...

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A girl with a nasal voice walks into a speech therapist's office to get herself "cured."

After going through the therapy, she starts getting hit on by guys who earlier bullied her. She starts having positive thoughts and dreams again. One day she dreams of having sex with her hot Biology teacher. The next day she stays in for office hours and ends up fucking him.

She starts getti...

In Russia, just saying "thank you" is enough to cure some illnesses even without taking any actual medication.

Scientists are calling it The Spasibo Effect

The doctor said to me, “Your brain seems to have deleted all information about 80's pop music!” I gasped, “Yikes! What’s The Cure?!”

He yowled, “Oh my God! It’s worse than I thought!”

I had the swine flu but they cured me...

Now I have bacon flu.

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As a scientist, I have been actively trying to develop a cure for beastiality, but I haven't had any luck. So if anyone needs me,

I'll be in my lab.

Did you hear the latest Microsoft Office update can cure depression?

It gives you an improved Outlook

What is the best cure for constipation?

Finding an empty toilet roll.

A kid just finished writing his paper for class

He typed the title “1000 Ways To Cure An Itch” to finish it off. Right as he was about to hit save the screen went black. Surprised, he did all he could to get the computer back on so he could save his work. After a few minutes the boys dad walks in and says “The power went out.”

“What do yo...

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Doctor can you cure my insomnia?

“Of course, we just have to get rid of the root cause!”

“Won’t be easy, the wife’s grown quite fond of that fucking baby”

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A man goes to the doctor to cure some ailment he has

“No problem, just use this for three days”, the doctor says.

The man comes home and opens the box.
It says “apply directly to the rectum”.

With English not being his first language, he doesn’t know what it means so he goes to ask his wife.

“I have no idea”, she says, “you sh...

Did you hear about the new center for gambling addiction?

Your addiction cured or double your money back!

Yesterday I heard they've come up with a cure for deafness.

Everybody will be able to hear about it soon.

$10 cure

Visit me for three days a week at $300 a visit and you will be cured, the psychiatrist assures him. The price tag is a little expensive for so he says he'll think about it. Six months later, the two met on the street.

"Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?" asked th...

A man decides to start a business

He puts a billboard on the door saying "If we can cure you, you have to pay 100 dollars, if we can't you get 500 dollars"

A doctor sees the billboard and decides to get in and win 500 dollars.

He says that his sense of taste is gone.

The man says to his assistant: Can you please...

New marijuana research reveals that it cures...

Symptoms of motivation by up to 95%.

One day I will cure blindness for good

You'll see..... You'll ALL SEE!!!

Cure

A college professor at a small liberal arts college in Ohio removed a tennis ball from his jacket pocket as he walked into the lecture hall each morning. He would set it on the corner of the podium. After giving the lecture for the day, he would pick up the tennis ball, place it in his jacket pocket...

Scientists have discovered the best way to cure laziness.

Unfortunately nobody has bothered to read the article.

They've discovered a new strain of head lice, but they haven't found a cure yet

It's got scientists scratching their heads.

Holding your breath is a reliable cure for the hiccups

....though now that I think on it, it cures just about every other ailment too.

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When I heard someone had found a cure for dyslexia.....

...it was like music to my arse. I got down on my knees and thanked dog. Then I removed it from this years Satan list.

Three men die and appear before Buddha...

Stunned by the divine presence before them, they lower their heads.

\-Raise your heads. You were humble in life and your deeds were praiseworthy. You have earned the right to a reincarnation of your choice. You have much to accomplish yet though.

One of the people takes a step forwa...

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My doctor told me that I have very shitty knees. When I asked for the cure....

He told me I should really pull my pants down when I take a poop

I don't eat meats that are cured or uncured

I only eat meats that have never been sick in the first place!

What did they call the first person to cure HIV

First aids

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A man walks into a bar, and orders a beer. He drinks the beer, then stands on the bar, drops his pants and pisses all over the place. The bar tender freaks out. "You dirty disgusting pig! How dare you come into my bar and urinate! I'll beat the shit out of you..."

The man begins crying. "I'm sorry! Its ruining my life. I can't sleep. I do it every time I have a drink! It's worrying me to death, please don't hit me..." The bar tender takes pity. "Look, I have a brother who is a psychiatrist, here's his card, why don't you see him?" The man hugs the bartender, ...

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There is currently no cure for premature ejaculation.

But I hear that it is coming quickly.

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