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Anyone know of a cure for sex addiction?

I’ve tried fucking everything

A Chinese doctor cant find a job in a hospital in America, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside that reads "GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100."

An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.

Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."

Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 14 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."

Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."

Chinese: "Congrats, y...

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The Pope had become very ill and was taken to many doctors, all of whom could not figure out how to cure him

Finally, he was brought to an old physician. After about an hour’s examination he came out and told the cardinalsthat he had some good news and some bad news.

The bad news was that the Pope had a rare disorder of the testicles. The good news was that all the Pope had to do to be cured was ha...

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How to cure Snoring (Dog & Husband version)

A couple has a dog who snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring.

'Yeah right!" she says.

A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snori...

What do you call a veterinarian that can cure only one species?

A doctor.

They've found a cure for depression!

A professor finds a cure for cancer right before falling into a vat of chickpea dip and dying

He was awarded post-hummous-ly

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I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn. It doesn't cure it,

but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night.

Simple cure for ED...

On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for consultation with an mysterious medicine man living nearby who was rumoured to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the location on the certificate and saw this medicine man....

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So Joe had these headaches...

The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to rem...

After months of preliminary testing, Dr. D. Johnson's supplement to cure the side-effects of COVID-19 went into final trials

Unfortunately the drug only allowed you to smell what the rock was cooking

A woman brought her husband to a doctor to try to cure his snoring problem.

Dr.: "it is possible to treat, but it will cost you a lot of money."

Woman: "that's fine, how much will it cost?"

Dr.: "$20,000 down payment, and $250 in monthly intervals for a year."

Woman: "woah, its almost like im buying a sports car!!"

Dr.: "hmm... too obvious, huh?"

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A man was having problems with premature ejaculation. This was affecting marital relations with his wife so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem.

In response the doctor said, “When you feel the urge to ejaculate, try startling yourself.”

On the way home the man went to a gun store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try out this suggestion he ran home to his wife. When he got home he was surprised and delighted to find ...

"What do we want!?" "A cure for Dyslexia!" "When do we want it!?"

"Onw!"

There's a medicine you can buy that apparently cures scepticism.

But I'm not buying it.

Smoking will kill you.

Bacon will kill you too.

But smoking bacon will cure it.

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While in China, an American man is sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days ...

Trump couldn't find the cure for the Coronavirus...

But the Coronavirus may have found the cure for Trump.

What’s the best way to cure blindness?

Vitamin C

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Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Sid, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.


One day Sid revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Nathan


the Erudite lawyer, the King's chief adviser....

A mathematician cured constipation.

How, you ask?

He worked it out with a pencil.

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i asked my therapist: can you cure my bondage addiction?

he said: "i wish i can help you but my hands are tied"

A woman was complaining to the neighbor that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.

"Take my advice," said the neighbor, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed, I called out: 'Is that you, Jim?' And that cured him."

"Cured him!" asked the woman, "but how did that cure him?"
The neighbor said, "His name is Bill."

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I accidentally deleted the manuscript of my book '1000 Ways to Cure an Itch'

It looks like I'll have to start from scratch

I forgot to save my new book, “1000 Ways to Cure an Itch” before my computer died.

Guess I’m starting again from scratch.

The butcher had over 20 types of cured cylindrical meat for sale.

I never sausage a selection.

Did you know there's a cure for scoliosis?

I had a hunch.

I asked my dad what his parents' generation did to cure boredom before internet and TV existed

Neither him nor his 28 siblings had an answer.

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Mr. Johnson has been having constant headaches ever since his teenage years. For years and years his doctor tries to cure him, but the headaches only get worse and worse.

Finally, one day, the doctor asks Mr. Johnson to undress. After inspecting Mr. Johnson's body, he sees the problem.

"You have an extremely rare condition," explains the doc. "Your testicles are pressed up against your spinal cord, giving you headaches. This condition has no known cause and on...

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Woman has a sore throat and asks for help

So a woman has a sore throat and asks for help from her coworker.

The coworker says "I have the best cure! Every time my throat hurts I just give my husband a blowjob and it heals"

The next day the woman goes to work with her sore throat healed.

Coworker asks "Did it work"
...

How did the doctor cure the invisible man?

He took him to the ICU

So a doctor starts up a practice and decides to challenge himself, so he puts out a sign: "I'll cure any sickness for only $100. If I can't, I'll pay you $500!"

A lawyer sees the sign out front and decides this would be some easy fast cash so he goes in to see the doctor.

"Doctor I cant taste anything!"

Doctor says "nurse go grab vial 43!", she brings it and he puts two drops on the lawyer's tongue.

The lawyer quickly spits it out and s...

I think I discovered a really simple cure for anorexia.

It's a piece of cake.

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What did Dr. Watson name the product he invented to successfully cure his partner’s chronic diarrhea?

No shit Sherlock

I've heard that I'm the cure to Covid.

Lucky for you it's a suppository.

I cannot believe no ones come up with a cure for anorexia yet.

I thought it would be a piece of cake!

Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team up and make a medicine to cure erectile dysfunction

And name it "Elon-Gate"

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When I heard there was a cure for dyslexia...

... it was music to my arse

With the far right prescribing UV and sunlight for medical cures

They have finally seen the benefits of solar power.

Did you all hear the joke about the cure for Covid 19?

It's a riot

After years of drinking, I can say that alcohol cures obesity and bad looks

Not in me, but in people I look at

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There once was a wasp that lived in a jungle.

This was not your ordinary wasp though; he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself,...

Water boarding gets a lot of bad press

But the search to cure hiccups must continue!

I'm no expert on covid-19 but I do know the cure

They are an amazing band from the 80s.

At home remedy...

My brother rubbed lard on his back to help cure Covid, he went down hill fast after that.

I found the magic remedy to cure my SO from loudly snoring all night!

I smothered him with a pillow.

What kind of food cures blind people?

Seafood.

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I saw an ad from a local store with an upcoming sale for pills to cure premature ejaculation. When I got there they told me they didn’t have them in stock yet.

Seems like I came too early.

A weird disease

An old women visits a doctor and says, " Doctor, I have a weird disease, I FART... But for some reason there is no smell or sound. I just farted now but as you can see... no sound.. no smell..nothing".


So doctor gives some medicines and asks her to visit after a week.


After a w...

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I found a cure for my wife's insomnia...

All I have to do is express a desire to have sex with her and immediately she is too tired to do anything but sleep.

I've heard people say that smoking will give me diseases

But what they don't know is it cures salmon!

Temper cure...

A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband 's temper.
The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?
The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."
The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When i...

A man walked into a pharmacy.

"Do you have anything to cure hiccups?" he asked.

The pharmacist didn't reply.

Again, the man asked "Excuse me, I asked if you have anything for hiccups?"

Still the pharmacist stayed silent.

The man started getting annoyed. "Can you hear me? I'm looking for something fo-"...

BREAKING: Cure for corona has been discovered in North Korea

New treatment involves shooting patients in the face, and has recorded a 100% success rate in getting rid of the virus.

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I told the doctor about my issues...

My stress, restlessness, problems falling asleep, anxiety about sex.

He said: The cure is coming.

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The president says we can cure COVID-19 by injecting ultraviolet light into humans....

... but I know when someone is blowing sunshine up my ass.

I have this friend who had cancer. In the process of cure and after he got released, he said his life was completely changed.

You know what they say about tumors. They really grow on you.

A perfect cure for corona:

Tell corona that you are serious, you love it and that you want to spend the rest of your life with corona. You will not hear from corona ever again.

Scientists have just found the cure to COVID-19

They call it cyanide.

*It also cures all other diseases.*

A doctor's receptionist is working away when she sees a nun running out of the doctor's office in floods of tears.

"whats up with her?" asked the receptionist.

"Oh, I told her she was pregnant", answered the doctor.

"Oh, no! That's terrible".

"Don't worry," said the doctor, "she's not, but it's cured her hiccups".

Dear Dad

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. ...

Today my wife gave birth to our son and unfortunately he was born with a very rare skin condition.

My wife told me it is called a “pre-natal sun burn”. Apparently it can be caused by too much time in tanning beds or long exposure to the sun on the beach.

Essentially all it does is dye the pigments of the child’s skin dark brown but he shouldn’t feel any pain.

She told me that there...

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A man with anal infection went to the doctor,the doctor said "the only cure that exist, is to stick a cucumber in your butthole"

so the man went back home to his wife, explained to her what happened, and asked her to help him out.

man: "honey you should do as the doctor instructed me to do"

wife: "okay, what should I do?"

man: "hold one butt cheek with your left hand and, the other with your right hand,...

Why Bill Gates should lead the team to find the Corona Virus cure?

He has been dealing with viruses since Windows 3.0

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A guys at a bar when he sees on TV that a doctor has cured cancer.

The man says "wow, that's amazing this will have so many effects on the medical and scientific fields. I wonder when they're gonna start using that drug to help those with cancer?" His friend next to him says "man I hope never" the man looks at him and says "why's that?" The friend replies saying "w...

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An engineer, after being unemployed for a long time, decided to open his own hospital.

At the front, he put up a sign: “We can cure any disease with just $500! If we fail, we’ll give you back $1000.”

One doctor, thinking that this was an easy grab, visited the hospital right away.


Doctor: “I lost my taste.”

Engineer: “Nurse, please give 3 drops of medicine #22...

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I've been diagnosed with a disease that causes intense headaches, confusion, and a complete inability to have sex. Luckily there's a cure.

Divorce.

Did you hear about the guy who was addicted to eating salt?

Don't worry, he was cured.

My doctor told me that the coronavirus cure wasn’t ready yet. It told him to hurry it up because...

Everybody wants to be a kung-flu fighter

How do you cure someone from steroid abuse?

You give them the anti-dope

Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.

Too bad he doesn’t cry.

Doctor: You have a disease, but we can treat it. Patient: What's the cure?

Doctor: It's an 80s rock band fronted by Robert Smith. But let's try to stay focused.

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TIFU by sticking a chimney starter up my butt to cure my coronavirus.

Turns out it's only effective against the flue.

My friend was grateful when I told her about the supernatural cure for the virus.

I knew I made the right choice when I told her witch doctor to go to.

With the threat of the new coralvirus, who did the fish put in charge of finding a cure?

The Sturgeon General

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Plant based cure for COVID-19

Plant your butt at home

“I’m sorry,” the doctor says, “you have rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you and you’ll only be fed cheese and bologna.” “Will that cure me?” the patient asks.

“Well, no,” the doctor replies, “but it’s the only food that will fit under the door.”

Does anyone know of any actors that can help cure my lisp?

I’m pretty sure Anne Hathaway, but I’m going to ask Colin Firth.

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What spell did Harry Potter use to cure constipation?

Expelianus!

The Coronavirus cure is going to come from Wish.com

It will come from China and could take 6-18 months to get here

I have been terrified of something being under my bed since I was a child.

So recently I decided to go see a psychiatrist, hoping that there might be a cure. I told the psychiatrist that I have had this horrible fear of something terrible being under my bed, and even now as an adult, I find a can't sleep and am in a constant state of anxiety when I'm in the bed. He said "I...

John went to the doctors for a stomach pain that had been bothering him for months.

The doctor quickly identified the problem and prescribed some painkillers to alleviate the symptoms. But he explained:
"They're suppositories, so need to be taken rectally. I'll do the first one for you, so you know how."
So John bends forward and the doctor inserts the first suppository. It's...

How do you cure a Seattlite of COVID-19?

Space and Needles

Once there was a dragon slayer named Nick.....

Nick was a wealthy man, due to the fact that there were many dragons around the kingdom that required killing. The king of the land used to pay a great price for every dragon killed. But Nick had a deep secret, he had a massive desire to sleep with the queen, even if it was just for a night.
One...

I know a guy who had a pet pig.

This pig got sick one day, suffering from fear of what would happen when he finally got eaten, and turned into a nice juicy ham. My friend took him to the vet, to see why this pig was acting depressed(not eating, not sleeping, etc.). The vet prescribed one thing: cure him.

tld;dr: my friend'...

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[NSFW] A man went to a doctor to cure his dick

Man: I have a problem with my penis, promise me you won’t laugh

Doctor: Alright, let’s see what’s wrong

The man pulled down his pants and revealed his tiny wiener, it was around the size of a AAA battery. The doctor let out a little giggle but immediately regained composure. After a fe...

The cure for my depression is right around the corner...

Yep here comes the train now.

This book, “The Procrastination Cure: 21 Proven Tactics For Conquering Your Inner Procrastinator”

I have had it in my Amazon shopping cart for six months, I will probably order it tomorrow.

Revolutionary medicine that cures Lyme Disease, but causes Tourette’s

Now that’s gonna cause a lot of nervous tics

Took awhile for the Trump administration to finally register and patent the cure for COVID-19 under...

ISO-LATE

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Kanye’s rise to fame

Right before dropping out of college and kick starting his rap career, Kanye West went to visit his wealthy aunt, Shirlie Faulker, who owned a rubber products manufacturing factory on the outskirts of Paris, France. He decided to spend his summer break working at the factory part time while deciding...

Why is it difficult to cure blind people?

Because they can't see a doctor.

The doctor said to me, “Your brain seems to have deleted all information about 80's pop music!” I gasped, “Yikes! What’s The Cure?!”

He yowled, “Oh my God! It’s worse than I thought!”

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Once there lived a horny man (NSFW)

There was once a horny man, who always wanted to suck the Queen's tits. He kept fantasizing, but he knew that he could never do it. He got a friend who was in the King's Palace, so he decided to ask him for help. The Friend agreed to help the horny man to fulfill his dream, but the horny man should ...

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A man goes to the doctor to try and quit smoking

"Doc, you've got to help me, I have tried all the conventional methods of quitting smoking, and none have worked. Do you have any drastic cures?"

The doctor replies "well, there is something I know for this. Every night before bed, take a cigarette from the packet and put it up your rectum, a...

How do you cure a peanut allergy?

Give them peanuts

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As a scientist, I have been actively trying to develop a cure for beastiality, but I haven't had any luck. So if anyone needs me,

I'll be in my lab.

Did you hear the latest Microsoft Office update can cure depression?

It gives you an improved Outlook

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A girl with a nasal voice walks into a speech therapist's office to get herself "cured."

After going through the therapy, she starts getting hit on by guys who earlier bullied her. She starts having positive thoughts and dreams again. One day she dreams of having sex with her hot Biology teacher. The next day she stays in for office hours and ends up fucking him.

She starts getti...

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Doctor can you cure my insomnia?

“Of course, we just have to get rid of the root cause!”

“Won’t be easy, the wife’s grown quite fond of that fucking baby”

Cure

A college professor at a small liberal arts college in Ohio removed a tennis ball from his jacket pocket as he walked into the lecture hall each morning. He would set it on the corner of the podium. After giving the lecture for the day, he would pick up the tennis ball, place it in his jacket pocket...

What do you call a homeopathic remedy thought to cure simply because it exists, yet has no purpose nor explanation as to why?

Existential oils

Why is visiting Taj Mahal before you reach your destination a cure for erectile dysfunction?

Coz it forces you to take the via Agra route

I had the swine flu but they cured me...

Now I have bacon flu.

New marijuana research reveals that it cures...

Symptoms of motivation by up to 95%.

Scientists have discovered the best way to cure laziness.

Unfortunately nobody has bothered to read the article.

In Russia, just saying "thank you" is enough to cure some illnesses even without taking any actual medication.

Scientists are calling it The Spasibo Effect

I know why the Coronavirus will not become a serious threat and will be contained and cured

anything "Made in China" never works properly

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A man and his husband...

Were talking one evening over dinner when the more effeminate one expressed he was feeling a bit down in the dumps. The husband enquired as to what was happening...

Twink: “Well, I’m not feeling very ‘manly’ lately”.

Bear: “Oh hun, you are you and I love you, but why?”

Twink: si...

One day I will cure blindness for good

You'll see..... You'll ALL SEE!!!

What is the best cure for constipation?

Finding an empty toilet roll.

Yesterday I heard they've come up with a cure for deafness.

Everybody will be able to hear about it soon.

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A man goes to the doctor to cure some ailment he has

“No problem, just use this for three days”, the doctor says.

The man comes home and opens the box.
It says “apply directly to the rectum”.

With English not being his first language, he doesn’t know what it means so he goes to ask his wife.

“I have no idea”, she says, “you sh...

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