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After trick-or-treating on Halloween, a teen takes a shortcut through a cemetery.

Halfway across, he's startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man chipping away at a headstone. "I thought you were a ghost," says the relieved teen. "What are you doing working so late?" "Oh, those idiots," grumbles the old man. "They misspelle...

I went trick or treating as Gandhi and kept all of my candy in a hat

And when someone tried to take the candy from my hat i told them "My hat my candy"

Two doctors, Jenkins and Smith, are treating a man with lung disease.

They’re explaining how him smoking weed led to his condition worsening.

“But it’s just herbal!” the patient protested. “How can it be bad?”

Dr Jenkins sighed. “Apricot stones contain lethal amounts of cyanide. There is a certain plant in my back garden - if you sit under it for just te...

Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?.....

.... Because they have no body to go with.

According to my wife, I'm a terrible dad for not treating my kids equally.

I just don't understand it. I love James, Nicole and the fat, ugly one all the same.

Treating her like a dog

A woman walks into a bar and orders a Moscow mule. "Congratulate me, I just got divorced," the woman says. "He'll never treat me like a dog again." "What, did he hit or beat you," the bartender asks. "No," she replies. "He expected me to be faithful."

I told my boyfriend that he better start treating me like a princess

So he flew me to Paris, got me drunk, and drove me into a tunnel pillar at 105 km/h.

What do you say to that doctor that simply insists on treating their own wound?

Fine! Suture self!

My wife has been treating me like a god lately...

Ignoring my existence, unless she needs something from me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Englishman: "That your dog?"

Englishman: "That your dog?"

Welshman: "Aye"

Englishman: "Mind if I speak to him?'

Welshman: "Dog don't talk.”

Englishman: Hey dog, how's it going?"

Dog: "Doing all right."

Welshman: (look of shock)

Englishman: Is this your owner?" (Pointing at the We...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this kid dressed like a pirate goes Trick Or Treating...

A lady answers the door and says "My! What a big buccaneer!" He replies "Oh yeah! Well you gotta big fuckin' head lady!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I came across a fellow pimp treating one of his girls poorly the other day. I tried to offer up some advice to which he replied...

"Mind your own fucking business."

A doctor was treating a victim of a beating.

Doctor: How did this happen?

Patient: I was banging my neighbor over her kitchen table when we hear the front door open.
She said "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!!"
Thinking back, I really should have ran, but you don't get offers like that every day.

Little Johnny is trick or treating

and he’s dressed like a pirate! His outfit is top to bottom swashbuckling fun, and he’s incredibly proud of all the fine details included.

He goes to the first house, knocks on the door and when the door opens he yells “twick o tweat!”
The woman at the door fawns over him, she coos “oh...

The problem with treating mental health

Is that it's all in your head.

How can you tell with 100% certainty that a parent is treating their kid right?

The kids cage is cleaned regularly.

A kid with a speech impediment is trick or treating on Halloween...

At his last door a nice elderly lady opens it and he says the traditional " Bick or beat!" She replied "Oh what do we have hear what are you dressed as little boy?" He proudly replied "I'm a Birate!"
"Oh you're a Pirate!" She responds "Well where are your Buckaneers?" He scowls at the lady and ...

My doctor tried treating me with ygolohcysp

But reverse psychology doesn't work on me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Japan, Korea, and China go trick or treating.

Japan and Korea receive candy while China gets opium.



Britain was at the door.

Credit to u/TheSnipenieer for the inspirational post.

A duck walks into a tavern and orders a beer.

The bartender thinks "Wow, a talking duck," and pours him a beer.

The bartender asks "I don't think I've seen you in here before. Do you live in the neighborhood?"

The duck says "No, I live across town. I'm a drywaller, and I'm working the office renovation across the street. I...

Doctors treating President Trump for COVID-19 at Walter Reed Army Hospital in Bethesda, Maryland,report that he is delusional, combative, argumentative, and seems to have lost touch with reality.

It's nice to see that Mr. Trump is feeling like his old self.

I'm still treating my burn

Older Englishman and I like to trade insults at work, and this happened...

Him: Oh dear, was having a good day and you show up.

Me: Don't make me start another Revolution to kick the rest of the English out.

Him (instantly): Well, you've been revolting for years.

why didnt the fat kid go trick or treating?

he was afraid he would get some snickers

Little Johnny goes trick-or-treating by himself dressed as a pirate...

One of the many houses he visits, was an elderly lady in town. He rings the door bell and the lady opens the door.

Johnny: Trick or treat!

Lady: Ohhhh your a cute little pirate! But, where’s your buccaneers?

Johnny: *Sighs and points to his ears* They’re right here! Where’s you...

A co worker accuses a wife of treating her husband "like a dog"

The wife was a not a native English speaker. So she responded "That is not true! I love dogs!"

A kid is Trick or Treating on Halloween

He goes up to a door and knocks. A man opens the door and asks "What are you supposed to be?" The kid says "I'm a birate." The man asks "Do you mean pirate?" The kid says "No, I mean birate." The man asks "Well, what's that on your shoulder?" The kid says "It's my barrot." The man asks "Don't you me...

I told a knock knock joke while trick or treating last Halloween

I only got a couple Snickers

Two Filipino kids go trick or treating on Halloween...

...At the first house they go up to, a lady answers the door.

She says, "oh how cute are you two? Let me guess what you are..."

To the first kid she says, "With your tiara and wand, you must be a princess?"

the first kid says, "Yes! I am a princess!"

The lady says to the ...

My girlfriend says she’s sick of me treating her like a child...

So I gave her a sticker for standing up for herself.

Treating testicular cancer..

takes balls.

Stop treating your wife so bad. If she was perfect...

she wouldn't have married you.

I’m going trick or treating with my Gran tonight.

It’s the only time I can take her out as she’s been dead for ten years.

My girlfriend is treating our relationship like a written agreement.

This isn't what I signed up for.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One time I went trick or treating...

And I got to this one house that gave me this lame ass chocolate. It wasn't the candy I wanted. So I TP'd their house, threw eggs, and anything else you could think of doing for the "trick." The police ended up catching me and I was brought in for questioning. They asked me why I did it. There was n...

Little Johnny goes trick-or-treating...

Little Johnny goes trick-or-treating dressed as a pirate. He rings the doorbell of the first house and an old lady answers the door, bowl of candy in hand.

She takes one look at him and exclaims, "Oh, such a handsome pirate. And where are your Buccaneers?"

Little Johnny looks up at he...

I'm sick of my wife treating me like a piece of meat

She's a vegetarian.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An EMT is treating an elderly man in his home

An EMT is treating an elderly man suffering from a heart attack at his home.

The medics strap him in and set the gurney into the back of the ambulance when they stop to ask the mans wife a few questions.

"Now just start at the beginning and tell me what happened"

The old woman...

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