UPJOKE
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Handling Jokes

Handling a Karen is like handling a crocodile.

They're only dangerous if you let them open their mouths.

North Korea is handling Covid surprisingly well

Last week 9/10 doctors said Covid-19 was under control,



This week the stat went up to 9/9!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm handling my porn collection....

Single handedly.

People have been criticizing me because I put glue on my hands before handling my weapons

But sometimes one just needs to stick to their guns

What country should the clumsy ambassador avoid handling?

China.

I finally got a job handling finances for a multi billion company!

So excited for my first day as a McDonald's cashier :)

People tell me I'm good at handling credit

Which is why I always have an outstanding balance.

I found out why Germany is handling the pandemic so well.

They wash their Hans.

We shouldn't make fun of Americans for how they are handling the pandemic

In these hard times, they are trying their best to bring some positivity to the world

Why was the youtuber so good at handling cows?

Because he was used to milking content.

I think EA should be in charge of handling the corona outbreak..

They already erased one Pandemic successfully.

A foreign reporter asked a Beijing citizen for his opinion on the government's handling of the Corona virus

"I can't say"

How did the butcher know he’d been handling too much organ meat.

He felt offal.

How I accidentally crushed a vegan customer's soul at Subway ;-;

So I work at Subway, yesterday I had a chick come in, she told me she wanted a Veggie Delight. As I went to get the bread she asked me if I could change my gloves cause she was vegan and I had been handling meat. I did that, no problem, perfectly reasonable request. I get her bread, toast it and put...

I think a lot of linux package handling systems are not good enough for the task.

But the one with Ubuntu is apt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today was my first time handling a...

....wet pussy. I didn't realize the risk involved! The cat scratched the shit out of me and eventually escaped from its bath.

An old dying man invites 3 of his friends to his deathbed and asks a favor...

He says, "We've been as brothers for longer than I can remember, and while I was not rich in life, I would like to bring some wealth with me as I die. If you could each leave $5,000 in my coffin, it would bring me great peace."

The three men saw no fault in this, as they were all very rich, a...

Two engineers are handling a prototype for a new cell phone that they worked on

First engineer: "There's no bezel and it's all made of glass, this thing is going to break so easily!"

Second engineer: "Are you saying that we should redesign this from scratch?!"

First engineer: "Well I think a good case could be made.."

Q&A Time w/Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers to answer questions from the kids.

One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is.

"Kenny," he says.

"And what is your question, Kenny?" she...

I'm handling Monday the same way I handle constipation.

Gritting my teeth and wishing it pass already.

After my retirement at the company I worked at for 50 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time and putting my feet up, but my wife had other ideas...

... she insisted I take her to the local shopping centre every day.

Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out.

She's like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I feel bad for men with erectile disfunction, but they all seem to be handling it well.

It's like all of them literally can't give a fuck.

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