A boy was feeling very nervous about his first date, so went to his father for advice. "My son, there are three subjects that always work with women: food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they stare at each other for a long time. The boy's nervousness builds, but he then asks:

"Do you like potato pancakes?" "No," comes the answer, and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket. "Do you have a brother?" "No." After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card: "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Santa wants to learn the subject Logic

he goes to his friend Banta, and says, this 'Logic' is really difficult for me to understand. Could you please help teach it to me.

Banta: well its really simple. let me give you an example. Do you have an aquarium in your house?

Santa: Yes

Banta: logically there must be fishes ...

What subject do drug dealers excel at?

Methematics

Remember when plastic surgery used to be a taboo subject?

Now when you mention Botox, nobody raises an eyebrow.


<sorry if it's a repost>.

My best friend isn’t on reddit so I sent him an email with my latest post to r/jokes, subject: “Post for that sweet karma”. His response,

Re: post for that sweet karma

What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?

Spelling!

My boss is firing me because I'm grasping the subject.

He said that the patients are complaining about being extremely uncomfortable from being held onto.

I said to my friend "I bet you can't name a single subject, I don't have a joke about" He said " beavers"

"damn" I replied....

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A Japanese man, French man and a redneck are sitting at a bar. The subject get around to sex and what they to drive their wife crazy.

The Japanese man: After we make love, I softly massage my wife's breasts. It drives her crazy.

The French man: After we make love, I kiss her eyes, then her breasts, then her sweet spot. It drives her crazy.

The redneck: After I jump the old ladies bones, I get up and wipe my dick of...

I just got an email with the subject “Just $50 to see Justin Bieber Live!”

I thought, “Why am I supposed to pay the ransom?”

It's not good to joke about molestation...

It's a touchy subject.

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I don't mind the Chinese students in my Math class being really good at the subject

But I must say, it's pretty cocky of them to do the problems with their eyes closed.

My wife thinks I should talk about things that bother me and how I am feeling instead of trying to change the subject

But I just don’t think we are gonna get as much snow as they say this winter.

The saudi king was walking in the streets, dressed as a commoner to check up on his subjects

He found a destitute man, whose toes were coming out of his shoes.

The king was surprised by what he saw, and walked to the man and asked ''why are your toes coming out of your shoes?''

The man replied '' my feet have out grown my shoes, and i don't have any money to buy a new pair.''...

My doctor wasn't really able to stay on subject

it's probably because he has a DhD

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What do you call a large crowd of people discussing the subject of wanking?

A mass debate

I got an email from a Hollywood celebrity with the subject line: “I piy the fool!”

I replied, “Hey you missed a t?”

On the subject of how hard of drugs I'm willing to do

Coke is where I draw the line

Today I learned the fame of Albert Einstein pales in comparison to his brother whose work in cellular regeneration has been the subject of many books and several movies.

His name was Frank.

What is a sea lion's favorite classroom subject?

ART! ART! ART!

Just thought up this one: How did the cloning subject feel?

Beside himself.

I asked my dad why he never makes any jokes and why he always change subject

"What are you talking about? I've made two jokes... By the way where's your brother?"

One of the kids I’m tutoring told me this joke today: What maths subject do fish study?

Algaebra

Did you hear about the photographer who ran out of subjects?

He shot himself.

A scientist is driving around the countryside looking for elderly test subjects to measure how people live longer.

She comes across a dilapidated cabin with a very old and worn-out man sitting in the rocking chair on his front porch.

The scientist approaches the man and says “pardon me, sir, but what’s your secret to long life?”

The man says “I smoke two packs of cigarettes a day, drink chocolate m...

Comparing subjects that are apples to oranges isn’t useless

It can lead to a fruitful discussion

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was subject to a full cavity search by the authorities yesterday.

I would say it was hands *down* the shittiest part of my life, but...

A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the teller, and says,

"Give me all the money or you're geography!" The puzzled teller replies, "Did you mean to say 'or you're history?'" The robber says, "Don't change the subject!"

I kept giving all my male test subjects iron.

it kept turning them into girls. I don’t know why.

He didn't avoid the subject of his erectile dysfunction,

it just never came up.

What's a pirate's favorite school subject?

Arrrrrrrrt.


What's a pirate's favorite body part?

The arrrrrm.



What's a pirate's favorite branch of the military?


No. The Navy you idiot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old ladies, Wanda and Jean, were chatting one day, talking about this 'n' that, when the subject finally got around to sex...

Wanda said she enjoyed sex all the time and actually, just as much as ever.

Jean was surprised and asked her what her secret was.

Wanda said when she hears her husband pulling the car into the garage, she hurries and takes a shower, jumps into bed and throws her feet up over her head...

Q: What is the snake's favorite subject?

A: Hiss-story

What subject did Dracula major in during college?

AcCOUNTing

This joke must be on a popsicle stick somewhere.

Why are verbs afraid of talking about people?

Because they're followed by the subject.

I was talking to my friend over the weekend, when he brought up the subject of hobbies....

He asked, "What do you do in your free time".

To which I responded, "I stalk people".

"Oh", he exclaimed, "Really? I enjoy walks in the park or going to movies with friends".


"I know"

I know all the subjects of Hillary Clinton's emails, ask me anything

[Deleted]

Don't ask the Norse professor about his old subject...

It's a Thor subject.

And he still doesn't want to Friggen talk about it.

The Duke ordered his subjects not to dig tunnels beneath his land but the King gave them permission to do so,

He felt undermined.

Oscar Wilde once boasted that he could make a pun on any subject...

Someone called out "The Queen!"

"Ah", replied Wilde, "but the Queen is not a subject."

Physics was my favourite subject at school

I found it relativity easy

Circumcision is a sensitive subject...

...but not as sensitive as it used to be.

I was desperate for a job, so my friend offered me one as a test subject in a wind tunnel

But i wasnt a fan

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was Hitler's favorite subject botany?

Because botany is all about the germination.

What is a dental hygienist's favorite subject?

Flossophy.

Jesus christ, guys! Can we stop arguing about politics for ONE second and change subject to something more lighthearted?

So what are your guys' thoughts on abortion?

ELI5 What happens when a high school calls in a replacement teacher for a subject they know nothing about?

Ooops... wrong sub.

I understand why abortion is a touchy subject (NSFW)

Because on one hand I'm all for killing babies but I really don't think women should have a choice in the matter

While we're on the subject of Russian jokes...

Here's one I have heard about the gulag. A little background: many jokesters ended up doing time in Siberia, and obviously couldn't be heard telling jokes while they were there. So, they invented a system where each joke was identified by a designated number.
Let's call [this joke](http://www.red...

A subject and verb walk into a bar...

They have a disagreement.
They walks out.

A photographer shot his subject with a Canon.

She was blown away.

On the subject of Macs and viruses...

I was just having a conversation with someone who is about to buy a Mac.

I was against it and an argument started.

I said there were too few people supporting the Mac.

He responded, "When was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?"

And I said "See, even people wh...

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