If I’m being subjective, the greatest sci-fi show of all time is Dr. Who.

If I’m being objective, it’s Dr. Whom.

Cosmetic surgery used to be a pretty taboo subject

Now you mention botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.

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A king summons three of his most loyal subjects to a meeting

The king looks at the first man, who was named Rand.

"Rand, kiss my hand!" he orders.

Rand obeys him and kisses his hand. The king looks at the second subject, who was called Lee.

"Lee, kiss my knee!"

Lee obeys and kisses his king's knee. The king turns in the direction o...

My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.

Me: Can we change the subject?

My wife: Ok, more chores around the house need to be done by you.

If you get an email with the subject "knock knock", dont open it.

It's a Jehovah Witness working from home.

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Masturbation is a touchy subject...

...whereas oral sex is a matter of taste.

Which school subject was the witch’s favorite?

Spelling!

My worst subject is History.

That must mean I'm good at letting my past go.

Back in school, grammar was always my worst subject...

Something about spending an hour reading grammar rules always left me commatose.

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A professor was giving a lecture on involuntary muscular contractions to his students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, he decided to lighten the mood. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?

She replied, "He's probably playing golf with his friends."

The Presidential Election will never bring a satisfactory conclusion, there’s no flow it’s just one candidate that changes the subject constantly,while the other can’t perform for too long

we truly have Electile Dysfunction

Two subjects of an animal loving king are having a conversation

One says, “Have you gotten the news? Did you see the king’s hare died?”

“No way!” exclaims the other.


“What color?”

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(Subject matter: Anything is a dildo if you’re brave enough) There once was a lady named Jill

Who tried a dynamite stick for a thrill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And bits of her tits in Brazil

If abortion is such a mature subject,

why does it bring out people's inner child?

A boy was feeling very nervous about his first date, so went to his father for advice. "My son, there are three subjects that always work with women: food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they stare at each other for a long time. The boy's nervousness builds, but he then asks:

"Do you like potato pancakes?" "No," comes the answer, and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket. "Do you have a brother?" "No." After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card: "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"

My least favorite subject in school was Ancient History.

The teachers tended to Babylon

What is a snake’s favorite school subject?

Hisstory.

I came up with that in a dream last night, hope it’s OC.

What happens to teachers who are bad at their subjects?

They are sent back to school

I had a difficult time with my subjects one sem

so I decided to drop my communist class because of lousy Marx.

"Time is a construct of man, a means of adding value and structure to a chaotic universe, it serves no real purpose, it's endless and infinite, unfathomable and subjective."

"You're still late" replied my boss.

Did you hear about the guy who was beaten by the King?

It’s a sore subject

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A group of five park wardens decided to start a band together...

... They all agreed on playing music of a rock subgerne kind, mixed in with symphonic elements, fantasy based subject matter and strong choruses. However they could not agree on a specific aesthetic, as each one of them turned up for their first practice session with a different color scheme.
...

A C.O. noticed something on patrol. He called his shift lead to tell him a subject was climbing down a makeshift rope, from a hole in Q4 dorm's outer wall. The subject was male, aprox. 3' 8" in height, wearing orange. The shift lead laughed over the radio, asking if he was sure of the sighting.

The C.O. later stated, it was definitely a little con descending.

School Crush Reunion

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.

I noticed his BDS degree on the wall, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall , handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 25-odd years ago.

Cou...

What's the definition of subjective?

depends on who you ask :/

At the laboratory, what did they name their first experimental subject?

Lab rat Tory

In the sentence "the thief stole a television" where is the subject?

In prison

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I don't mind the Chinese students in my Math class being really good at the subject

But I must say, it's pretty cocky of them to do the problems with their eyes closed.

Subject: Paid Leave Request

Dear HR,

I am suffering from coronavirus and request you to grant me paid leave for 30 days. Otherwise I will come to office.

Best regards,

John T.

-‐-------------------------------------------------

Subject: RE: Paid Leave Request

Dear John,

Af...

What do you call a fish who is very knowledgeable and enthusiastic about an activity, subject, or pastime?

An aficionado!

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Rabbi Eliezer was the most brilliant Rabbi of all time...

Nevertheless, his fellow Rabbis would often disagree with his opinions, leading to lengthy philosophical and theological debates.

During one debate on the subject of the legal minutiae of a religious ritual he found himself at odds with three of his colleagues. While everyone recognized that ...

I feel like school subjects need to be represented by animals

English should be a hawk, they have good eyes, and you need good eyes for reading.
History should be bowhead whales since they’ve lived through more than anyone else.
And finally, maths should be snakes, I hear they’re great Adders.

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.

Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided...

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The Post Turtle

An old man was in the ER having a wound stitched up.

As they chatted the subject eventually turned to politics.
The Dr. asked the man his thoughts on President Trump.

The old man told him that Trump was a post turtle.
Not understand the term the Dr. asked the man what a post turt...

The subject of a painting

Outside the castle, in front of two deep, dangerous troughs of water filled with piranhas and barracudas, the royal coterie of lupine dog-men assembles on two long tables, facing the masses on the other side of the water. The wolf-king raises his glass and gives a piercing howl, to which the rest of...

If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Science Fiction is "Doctor Who."

But if I'm being completely objective... I'd say it's "Doctor Whom."

What subject do drug dealers excel at?

Methematics

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The King of the Jungle

Everyone knows the Lion is the King of the Jungle, and as the King, is his duty to keep all his subjects in line. Well, one day he hears that the elephants are up to no good, so he starts making his way through the jungle. Occasionally he'll go by some of the other animals and roar out to them to fi...

My friend still hasn’t seen season 8 of Game of Thrones. And every time I try to broach the subject she just yells at me, “No Spoilers!” So I gave up on trying to warn her

That she shouldn’t name her baby, Khaleesi.

What’s the greatest sci-fi show? Well subjectively it’s doctor who

But objectively it’s doctor whom

Greatest Creation Ever

So Adam was in the Garden of Eden tending the plants and animals. God comes down and sees Adam. After awhile God says to Adam " Adam you've been such a good subject I think I will give you a reward. God says as a matter of fact it will be my Greatest Creation Ever. It will only cost you an arm and a...

A good speech should be like a woman's skirt;

long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.

A couple who work in the circus go to an adoption agency.

Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.
The couple produce photos of their 50 ft motorhome, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.
"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach...

If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Sci Fi is Doctor Who. But if I'm being completely objective...

I'd say it's Doctor Whom.

^*Edit: ^As ^a ^few ^have ^astutely ^pointed ^out, ^the ^character's ^name ^is ^just ^"The ^Doctor"; ^I ^should ^have ^said ^"the ^greatest ^sci ^fi ^show ^is ^Doctor ^Who" ^instead ^of ^"greatest ^hero ^in ^sci ^fi". ^Thankfully ^the ^dumb ^joke ^still ^works ^in ^t...

Someone once told me that a good joke draws on an experience that everyone has in common but the subject should be kind of unpleasant.

That's why I made the punchline about banging your Mum.

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Chemical Analysis of Women

Item: Chemical Analysis



Subject: Women



Symbol: Wo



Discovered by: Adam



Atomic Weight: Average expected as 150lb, but there are known isotopes ranging from 100lb to 250lb.


Occurrence: Surplus quanti...

The saudi king was walking in the streets, dressed as a commoner to check up on his subjects

He found a destitute man, whose toes were coming out of his shoes.

The king was surprised by what he saw, and walked to the man and asked ''why are your toes coming out of your shoes?''

The man replied '' my feet have out grown my shoes, and i don't have any money to buy a new pair.''...

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Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft.

The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds. It concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.

After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. The...

I just got an email with the subject “Just $50 to see Justin Bieber Live!”

I thought, “Why am I supposed to pay the ransom?”

Today I learned the fame of Albert Einstein pales in comparison to his brother whose work in cellular regeneration has been the subject of many books and several movies.

His name was Frank.

What’s a nocturnal animal’s favorite school subject?

Owlgebra

Did you hear about the photographer who ran out of subjects?

He shot himself.

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The guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop. After looking around, he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs.

The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."

"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me!"

"I understood every word," says the pa...

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Santa wants to learn the subject Logic

he goes to his friend Banta, and says, this 'Logic' is really difficult for me to understand. Could you please help teach it to me.

Banta: well its really simple. let me give you an example. Do you have an aquarium in your house?

Santa: Yes

Banta: logically there must be fishes ...

My wife thinks I should talk about things that bother me and how I am feeling instead of trying to change the subject

But I just don’t think we are gonna get as much snow as they say this winter.

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Old Norse Joke

King Halfdan of Vestfold visits his subjects in Romerike and participates in their local assembly, the þing. When it is over, he pulls his sword and kills about half of the assemblymens.

King Halfdan then visits his subjects in Soleyar, participates in the þing, and again kills about half of...

I said to my friend "I bet you can't name a single subject, I don't have a joke about" He said " beavers"

"damn" I replied....

How does a Millennial weight themselves?

In Instagrams







eta: yes, I saw the typo in the subject, about .01 after I hit "post", of course. Oh well! C'est la vie.

Happy* new year 2021

*Subject to availability of vaccine

Everything unrelated to the subject at hand is irrelevant.

But everything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.

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What do you call a large crowd of people discussing the subject of wanking?

A mass debate

My best friend isn’t on reddit so I sent him an email with my latest post to r/jokes, subject: “Post for that sweet karma”. His response,

Re: post for that sweet karma

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A Japanese man, French man and a redneck are sitting at a bar. The subject get around to sex and what they to drive their wife crazy.

The Japanese man: After we make love, I softly massage my wife's breasts. It drives her crazy.

The French man: After we make love, I kiss her eyes, then her breasts, then her sweet spot. It drives her crazy.

The redneck: After I jump the old ladies bones, I get up and wipe my dick of...

What's a pirate's favorite school subject?

Arrrrrrrrt.


What's a pirate's favorite body part?

The arrrrrm.



What's a pirate's favorite branch of the military?


No. The Navy you idiot.

Flat-Earthers hate the fact our planet is spherical, whereas Asgard is flat.

It's a Thor subject for them.

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The $5,000,000 question....

Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $5,000,000 Question. The night before the big question, he told the M.C. that he desired a question on American History.

The big night had arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the ...

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The Duck in the Bottle

A man is on a quest for true enlightenment. His travels led him to sit with the Dalai Lama.

Man: Sir, do you have the answer for enlightenment?

The religious figure walks away but comes back with a bottle and a duck.

He hands both to the man and tells him,

"The day yo...

I -a dad- just subjected my daughter, 21, to my clever wit

She wasn't sure whether or not to take a foam mattress with her to her summer camp job.

"Sleep on it," I said.

Update: It's the mattress -not the joke- that's dirty. We use it for camping a lot and it is actually quite disgusting. The joke? Clean as a whistle. Sorry for the confusion.

I asked my dad why he never makes any jokes and why he always change subject

"What are you talking about? I've made two jokes... By the way where's your brother?"

A brilliant scientist successfully creates a lifelike deer cyborg.

Dr. Holmes, after many years of biotechnological research, finally succeeded in his secret project, using funds diverted from his research grant. Because the project needed to be kept off the records, Dr. Holmes kept the deer at home.

The cyborg would grow and develop just as a normal fawn wo...

On the subject of how hard of drugs I'm willing to do

Coke is where I draw the line

The Wrong E-mail Address

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years ago. Because both had jobs, they found it difficult coordinating their travel
schedules. It w...

Join in on a Pun Thread

Hello Pun enthusiasts,

Comment a subject and let fellow redditors make puns about that subject

What subject did Dracula major in during college?

AcCOUNTing

This joke must be on a popsicle stick somewhere.

I got an email from a Hollywood celebrity with the subject line: “I piy the fool!”

I replied, “Hey you missed a t?”

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An elephant is standing on a street corner with an erection.

His thing is HUGE, hangs all the way to the ground.

At that moment a mother is taking her son to school and the son looks at the elephant and says "Mommy what is that?"

Mom: "Oh that's the trunk honey"
Kid: "No mom, further back between the legs"
Mom: "Oh that? That's n...

How many existancialists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two.

One to change the light bulb and one who observes how it symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in another world of cosmic nothingness.

Scientists were studying rams

They had three rams in their lab. Each ram had a leather collar, and attached to each collar was a tag identifying them as A, B and C.

One of the researchers brought a large gourd from the supply closet and placed it on the head of Ram A. Nothing happened. After five minutes he removed the g...

Just thought up this one: How did the cloning subject feel?

Beside himself.

One of the kids I’m tutoring told me this joke today: What maths subject do fish study?

Algaebra

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I was subject to a full cavity search by the authorities yesterday.

I would say it was hands *down* the shittiest part of my life, but...

I kept giving all my male test subjects iron.

it kept turning them into girls. I don’t know why.

A scientist is driving around the countryside looking for elderly test subjects to measure how people live longer.

She comes across a dilapidated cabin with a very old and worn-out man sitting in the rocking chair on his front porch.

The scientist approaches the man and says “pardon me, sir, but what’s your secret to long life?”

The man says “I smoke two packs of cigarettes a day, drink chocolate m...

He didn't avoid the subject of his erectile dysfunction,

it just never came up.

Comparing subjects that are apples to oranges isn’t useless

It can lead to a fruitful discussion

Q: What is the snake's favorite subject?

A: Hiss-story

Oscar Wilde once boasted that he could make a pun on any subject...

Someone called out "The Queen!"

"Ah", replied Wilde, "but the Queen is not a subject."

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My Au Pair from Finland has been finding school very difficult of late.

So much anticipation and excitement around my school as it's the first Dux Scholar we've ever had.

Anticipation runs high as we'd all like to see his academic capabilities in our 'not-so-great' school.



Every subject imaginable; Physics, Geography, English, Chemistry etc, we are...

I was talking to my friend over the weekend, when he brought up the subject of hobbies....

He asked, "What do you do in your free time".

To which I responded, "I stalk people".

"Oh", he exclaimed, "Really? I enjoy walks in the park or going to movies with friends".


"I know"

Why is statistics never anyone's favorite subject?

It's just average.

I know all the subjects of Hillary Clinton's emails, ask me anything

[Deleted]

A nun stood outside a tavern, scolding patrons as they entered about the evils of alcohol...

One gent stops to discuss the matter:

“See here, Sister- it’s really not fair for you to stand there and scold people on a subject on which you yourself have no experience. I mean- have you ever even tried alcohol? Even once?”

“Most certainly not!” the nun says, blushing.

“We...

Circumcision is a sensitive subject...

...but not as sensitive as it used to be.

I'm trying to make out with my gf tonight without sucess. Any activity subjection?

Not movies.

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Three guys die and go to hell. The devil meets them at the gate and explains,

“Welcome to Hell. Here, I will subject you to ironic punishment.”

He turns to the first guy and asks, “What was your major vice in life?”

“Women,” The guy said, “I loved the company of women.”

“Very well,” the devil replied before opening the door to a room full of beautiful wom...

Don't ask the Norse professor about his old subject...

It's a Thor subject.

And he still doesn't want to Friggen talk about it.

After having failed his exam in Logic, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my grade as is and go. If you howev...

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