Subject Jokes - 82 Hilarious Subject Jokes

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A general, a colonel and a major were having a heated argument on the subject of sex.

The general maintained that sex was 60 percent work and 40 percent fun.
The colonel said that it was 75 percent work and 25 percent fun.
The major thought it was 90 percent work and 10 percent fun.

At the height of the argument, a private appeared at the door. "Let's leave it to him," ...

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A king summons three of his most loyal subjects to a meeting

The king looks at the first man, who was named Rand.

"Rand, kiss my hand!" he orders.

Rand obeys him and kisses his hand. The king looks at the second subject, who was called Lee.

"Lee, kiss my knee!"

Lee obeys and kisses his king's knee. The king turns in the direction o...

My wife explained, "You need to do more chores around the house." I moaned, "Can we change the subject?" She smiled and said...

"Ok. More chores around the house need to be done by you."

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Masturbation is a touchy subject...

...whereas oral sex is a matter of taste.

If you get an email with the subject "knock knock", dont open it.

It's a Jehovah Witness working from home.

If I’m being subjective, the greatest sci-fi show of all time is Dr. Who.

If I’m being objective, it’s Dr. Whom.

If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Sci Fi is Doctor Who. But if I'm being completely objective...

I'd say it's Doctor Whom.

^*Edit: ^As ^a ^few ^have ^astutely ^pointed ^out, ^the ^character's ^name ^is ^just ^"The ^Doctor"; ^I ^should ^have ^said ^"the ^greatest ^sci ^fi ^show ^is ^Doctor ^Who" ^instead ^of ^"greatest ^hero ^in ^sci ^fi". ^Thankfully ^the ^dumb ^joke ^still ^works ^in ^t...

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.

Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

If you ask me what my favorite rock band is and I'm being subjective, I'd say The Who.

If I was being objective, I'd say it was The Whom.

History is such a boring subject..

You never learn something new.

What's a seal's favourite subject?

ART! ART! ART! ART!

Did you hear about the photographer who ran out of subjects?

He shot himself.

If abortion is such a mature subject,

why does it bring out people's inner child?

If Satan was a teacher, which subject would he teach?

Trigonometry. There's a lot of sin involved.

What's a dentist's favorite subject?

Calculus.

What is Wanda Maximoff's favorite subject?

Division.

What's a pirate's favorite school subject?

Arrrrrrrrt.

What's a pirate's favorite body part?

The arrrrrm.

What's a pirate's favorite branch of the military?

No. The Navy you idiot.

Toughest subject for a biologist

Hands down it is maths. When cells multiply, they get added up with additional cells; but to understand that, you need to know how cells divide.

People at my work are subject to quantum effects

They behave differently if a superviser is observing.

What's the definition of subjective?

depends on who you ask :/

What is a woman's favourite subject at school?

History. They are great at bringing up stuff from the past.

My worst subject is History.

That must mean I'm good at letting my past go.

I started a 100 subject survey on which shampoo women prefer to use...

Only got to the 3rd shower before i was arrested.

Why didn't the email subject line go to the party?

It had no body to go with.

What is a snake’s favorite school subject?

Hisstory.

I came up with that in a dream last night, hope it’s OC.

What subject did Dracula major in during college?

AcCOUNTing

This joke must be on a popsicle stick somewhere.

Subject: Paid Leave Request

Dear HR,

I am suffering from coronavirus and request you to grant me paid leave for 30 days. Otherwise I will come to office.

Best regards,

John T.

-‐-------------------------------------------------

Subject: RE: Paid Leave Request

Dear John,

Af...

I -a dad- just subjected my daughter, 21, to my clever wit

She wasn't sure whether or not to take a foam mattress with her to her summer camp job.

"Sleep on it," I said.

Update: It's the mattress -not the joke- that's dirty. We use it for camping a lot and it is actually quite disgusting. The joke? Clean as a whistle. Sorry for the confusion.

Making jokes about some subjects is tough, but with erectile dysfunction..

It isn't very hard.

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What math subject do sadists do the best in?

Sadistics

The subject of a painting

Outside the castle, in front of two deep, dangerous troughs of water filled with piranhas and barracudas, the royal coterie of lupine dog-men assembles on two long tables, facing the masses on the other side of the water. The wolf-king raises his glass and gives a piercing howl, to which the rest of...

What subject do drug dealers excel at?

Methematics

My least favorite subject in school was Ancient History.

The teachers tended to Babylon

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Santa wants to learn the subject Logic

he goes to his friend Banta, and says, this 'Logic' is really difficult for me to understand. Could you please help teach it to me.

Banta: well its really simple. let me give you an example. Do you have an aquarium in your house?

Santa: Yes

Banta: logically there must be fishes ...

Circumcision is a sensitive subject...

...but not as sensitive as it used to be.

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Sex and Golf

Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to first-year medical students.

This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know...

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My teacher failed me in SexEd because I didn't want to discuss the subject.

Worst part of homeschooling...

Why is statistics never anyone's favorite subject?

It's just average.

Two subjects of an animal loving king are having a conversation

One says, “Have you gotten the news? Did you see the king’s hare died?”

“No way!” exclaims the other.

“What color?”

I had a difficult time with my subjects one sem

so I decided to drop my communist class because of lousy Marx.

Q: What is the snake's favorite subject?

A: Hiss-story

Someone asked me during lunch, "what subjects do we have later?"

I replied, "literature, and the rest... is history!"

If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Science Fiction is "Doctor Who."

But if I'm being completely objective... I'd say it's "Doctor Whom."

He didn't avoid the subject of his erectile dysfunction,

it just never came up.

On the subject of American independence, did you know that the Revolution was initially viewed as a breach of contract?

They heard that the Americans violated the teas and seas.

At the laboratory, what did they name their first experimental subject?

Lab rat Tory

Don't ask the Norse professor about his old subject...

It's a Thor subject.

And he still doesn't want to Friggen talk about it.

I just got an email with the subject “Just $50 to see Justin Bieber Live!”

I thought, “Why am I supposed to pay the ransom?”

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Bank robber pulls out gun, points it at the teller...

Robber: "Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!'

Cashier (puzzled) "Did you mean to say "or you're history?"

Robber: "Don't change the subject."

What’s the greatest sci-fi show? Well subjectively it’s doctor who

But objectively it’s doctor whom

Just thought up this one: How did the cloning subject feel?

Beside himself.

Physics was my favourite subject at school

I found it relativity easy

I kept giving all my male test subjects iron.

it kept turning them into girls. I don’t know why.

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What do you call a large crowd of people discussing the subject of wanking?

A mass debate

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I was subject to a full cavity search by the authorities yesterday.

I would say it was hands *down* the shittiest part of my life, but...

On the subject of how hard of drugs I'm willing to do

Coke is where I draw the line

The subject of abortion is a tricky decision for me

One the one hand, I'm all for killing babies, but on the other it gives women a choice.

I asked my dad why he never makes any jokes and why he always change subject

"What are you talking about? I've made two jokes... By the way where's your brother?"

What do you call a fish who is very knowledgeable and enthusiastic about an activity, subject, or pastime?

An aficionado!

Oscar Wilde once boasted that he could make a pun on any subject...

Someone called out "The Queen!"

"Ah", replied Wilde, "but the Queen is not a subject."

While we're on the subject of Russian jokes...

Here's one I have heard about the gulag. A little background: many jokesters ended up doing time in Siberia, and obviously couldn't be heard telling jokes while they were there. So, they invented a system where each joke was identified by a designated number.
Let's call [this joke](http://www.red...

Hey, does anybody remember that famous multi-personality patient who was the subject of the book Sybil that came out in the '70s? well, I went to high school with her!

A lot of the other kids kind of avoided her, but I thought she was good people.

On the subject of Macs and viruses...

I was just having a conversation with someone who is about to buy a Mac.

I was against it and an argument started.

I said there were too few people supporting the Mac.

He responded, "When was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?"

And I said "See, even people wh...

A photographer shot his subject with a Canon.

She was blown away.

A subject and verb walk into a bar...

They have a disagreement.
They walks out.

What subject of "How to..." book is the hardest to sell?

Suicide. You'll only ever get negative reviews.

This isn't working, let's change the subject. Depending on whether you're in a classroom or a testing lab, that statement means something completely different!

Hehe.

The saudi king was walking in the streets, dressed as a commoner to check up on his subjects

He found a destitute man, whose toes were coming out of his shoes.

The king was surprised by what he saw, and walked to the man and asked ''why are your toes coming out of your shoes?''

The man replied '' my feet have out grown my shoes, and i don't have any money to buy a new pair.''...

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Why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft?

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft.
The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more...

I know all the subjects of Hillary Clinton's emails, ask me anything

[Deleted]

A mugger holds a man at gunpoint and says, "Give me your wallet or you're science!"

The man says, "Don't you mean history?"

The mugger yells, "Don't try to change the subject!"

I got an email from a Hollywood celebrity with the subject line: “I piy the fool!”

I replied, “Hey you missed a t?”

A C.O. noticed something on patrol. He called his shift lead to tell him a subject was climbing down a makeshift rope, from a hole in Q4 dorm's outer wall. The subject was male, aprox. 3' 8" in height, wearing orange. The shift lead laughed over the radio, asking if he was sure of the sighting.

The C.O. later stated, it was definitely a little con descending.

I'm trying to make out with my gf tonight without sucess. Any activity subjection?

Not movies.

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Dirty Old Man Joke #536

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed fi...

My wife thinks I should talk about things that bother me and how I am feeling instead of trying to change the subject

But I just don’t think we are gonna get as much snow as they say this winter.

How do you feel if subjected to temperatures of absolute zero?

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An inventor, Liam, builds a humanoid lie detector robot that can slap you if you lie. As with all his inventions, his family will be the first round of test subjects.

At dinner, the inventor asks his son Jimmy about his day.

"I was at Scotts, we were studying for mid-terms."

The robot suddenly springs to life, slapping the son hard upside the head.

"Ow, what the fucking shit?" Jimmy exclaims angrily.

Liam looks at his son with a bemu...

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A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother a question

"Is it true what Rita just told me?" "What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter. "Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. ...

Husband and wife…………..

A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.

So the couple produces photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery....

Today I learned the fame of Albert Einstein pales in comparison to his brother whose work in cellular regeneration has been the subject of many books and several movies.

His name was Frank.

A scientist is driving around the countryside looking for elderly test subjects to measure how people live longer.

She comes across a dilapidated cabin with a very old and worn-out man sitting in the rocking chair on his front porch.

The scientist approaches the man and says “pardon me, sir, but what’s your secret to long life?”

The man says “I smoke two packs of cigarettes a day, drink chocolate m...

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