Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context."

Media: Scientist claims "Findings are meaningless."

A renowned scientist is frustrated with the popularity of misinformation. In an interview, he tells the press “my research is meaningless if taken out of context!”

The next day, the public is taken by storm as headlines spread that “Renowned Scientist Claims That His Research is Meaningless!”

So a Catholic walks into a bar.... during Lent[Long] [Cultural context wise kinda inappropriate given the season]

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; wouldn’t you ra...

My dentist told me to “open up”

So I told him that I often have trouble putting peoples words into context. My dentist said “I can tell”

given the context, "hard at work" is something your boss would either really love or really hate for you to be

because erections

My grandfather died and I inherited some of his clothes.

He was a farmer and he loved getting dressed up every year for the local fair and exhibiting his prize chickens.

For this occasion, my grandmother would spend the entire year searching through thrift shops looking for silly neckties for him to wear, and she loved finding ones with chickens o...

My fiancé said the funniest thing out of context today.

Lewis and Clark were so starved on their exploration, Sacajawea had a hard time understanding why they didn't eat Seaman.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

4-year-old's joke: What is a duck's favorite snack? Peanut butter (context in comments)

We told my four-year-old a joke: What is a duck's favorite snack? Quackers! HA!

He asked, "Quackers?" *confused* "Like, peanut butter and crackers?" "Sure, like peanut butter and crackers."

*runs into other room, calling his grandfather* "Pop Pop! What is a duck's favorite snack?...

A context joke

Have you ever noticed that when you say, "I hope you're hungry" in a place like America it's nice.
But if you say that in Africa it is a cruel joke.

Whenever I use idioms in the wrong context...

...people look at me as if I'm as thick as thieves!

Context is everything

"Jesus loves you!"

A lovely thing to hear in church. Not so much in a Mexican prison.

(accidentally invented when heard words out of context) What kind of food did Hitler eat?

Notseafood

Can't wait to see Liam Neeson's new film

Taken: Out Of Context.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Five friends were sitting around, debating which Pixar movie is the greatest

After a few hours of debate, no one was willing to concede, and it was decided that a vote must be held. Unfortunately, with so few friends present, it was clear that they would need to bring the vote to the greater public. The group decided that each friend would make a plea to the subreddit of the...

There are two types of people in this world.

Those that can make educated guesses based on context.

Hit me with your best clever, yet kid friendly, jokes

Context: I work at a a company that works with large groups of children. At least 3 times a day someone if telling a joke to the whole audience. The problem is, I've been working here for 6 years and at this point there are very few kid friendly jokes that aren't the same 6-7 or ancient repeats from...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two Chemists Walk into a Bar

“I’ll have an H2O,” one scientist says.

"I’ll have an H2O, too,” the other says.

The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position as well as pragmatic context.

What do you need in order to understand a joke about a criminal's written confession?

Context.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

While everyone is arguing over whether it's called a snow blower or a snow thrower, I invented a way to turn a dishwasher into snow removal device.

...
I bought my wife a snow shovel.

A scientist is at a panel, discussing the results of his latest study.

He mentions, "You know, without the right context, my findings are absolutely meaningless."

Later on the news...

"On the headlines today, a world-renowned scientist has claimed his findings are absolutely meaningless."

2 jokes for 1 post

Please bare with me, the second one makes more sense with the context that the first joke exists.

Two Cannibals are eating a Clown.
One looks over at the other and says "Does this taste funny to you?"

Two Clowns are eating a Cannibal.
One looks over at the other and says "I thin...

Kcpd got me with a dad joke

I deliver gas(context). The officers were standing out front of the gas station. I was walking back to my truck.
Me: "Yall have a goodnight and be safe"
Officer:"Thankyou you too. Good luck with
Your gas problem"
Made my night and I laugh about it at work alot.

Spelling test

My daughter had a spelling test and asked me what does context mean. I asked her how is it being used?

Two Star Wars super-fanboys who hated The Last Jedi die and are at the gates of heaven

St Peter is there and tells them that before entering the afterlife, they may ask God himself one single question that He will answer truthfully for them.

"All the secrets of the Universe, past present and future are all available to you. Ask, and He will answer."

They whisper with ea...

What did the cat say in the race car?

MMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Context: My 5 year old told me this today. I'm guessing he didn't make it up...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

1 dollar for dirty joke

I was in Venice Beach in January and there was a homeless man with a sign that said “1 dollar for dirty joke.” Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar.

Homeless man: “Alright sir whats your name?

Me: “asstasticbum”

Homeless man: “So asstasticbum, the...

Scientists use both positive and negative conditioning to teach cats to speak.

In a group of cats, a tutor would reward an individual cat who said "me" with the best food at feeding time. In another experiment, a researcher would apply mild electric shocks to the subject cat until it said "ow".

The lead scientist said they've had some success, however they weren't sure...

Books written by criminals are so hard to reference

Everytime you quote it, it's out of context