Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context."

Media: Scientist claims "Findings are meaningless."

A renowned scientist is frustrated with the popularity of misinformation. In an interview, he tells the press “my research is meaningless if taken out of context!”

The next day, the public is taken by storm as headlines spread that “Renowned Scientist Claims That His Research is Meaningless!”

So a Catholic walks into a bar.... during Lent[Long] [Cultural context wise kinda inappropriate given the season]

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; wouldn’t you ra...

My dentist told me to “open up”

So I told him that I often have trouble putting peoples words into context. My dentist said “I can tell”

given the context, "hard at work" is something your boss would either really love or really hate for you to be

because erections

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

4-year-old's joke: What is a duck's favorite snack? Peanut butter (context in comments)

We told my four-year-old a joke: What is a duck's favorite snack? Quackers! HA!

He asked, "Quackers?" *confused* "Like, peanut butter and crackers?" "Sure, like peanut butter and crackers."

*runs into other room, calling his grandfather* "Pop Pop! What is a duck's favorite snack?...

My fiancé said the funniest thing out of context today.

Lewis and Clark were so starved on their exploration, Sacajawea had a hard time understanding why they didn't eat Seaman.

A context joke

Have you ever noticed that when you say, "I hope you're hungry" in a place like America it's nice.
But if you say that in Africa it is a cruel joke.

My grandfather died and I inherited some of his clothes.

He was a farmer and he loved getting dressed up every year for the local fair and exhibiting his prize chickens.

For this occasion, my grandmother would spend the entire year searching through thrift shops looking for silly neckties for him to wear, and she loved finding ones with chickens o...

Whenever I use idioms in the wrong context...

...people look at me as if I'm as thick as thieves!

Context is everything

"Jesus loves you!"

A lovely thing to hear in church. Not so much in a Mexican prison.

(accidentally invented when heard words out of context) What kind of food did Hitler eat?

Notseafood

Centuries ago, on a remote island in the North Atlantic...

Vikings arrived and began a settlement with help from their Irish thralls. But they weren't alone. All manner of otherworldly beings lurked in the island's hidden corners. The Vikings called these beings *vættir*; the Gaels called them *Aes Sídhe*.

Among these beings were the selkies who frol...

Can't wait to see Liam Neeson's new film

Taken: Out Of Context.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Five friends were sitting around, debating which Pixar movie is the greatest

After a few hours of debate, no one was willing to concede, and it was decided that a vote must be held. Unfortunately, with so few friends present, it was clear that they would need to bring the vote to the greater public. The group decided that each friend would make a plea to the subreddit of the...

first joke I ever made

context: I couldnt talk, I was a baby but I had a great system of saying "I want to eat that", it looks like me gesturing towards said item

​

me: \*gesturing towards bottle of lotion\*

mom: \*starts going on about how its not food, (I couldnt talk but I could understa...

There are two types of people in this world.

Those that can make educated guesses based on context.

Hit me with your best clever, yet kid friendly, jokes

Context: I work at a a company that works with large groups of children. At least 3 times a day someone if telling a joke to the whole audience. The problem is, I've been working here for 6 years and at this point there are very few kid friendly jokes that aren't the same 6-7 or ancient repeats from...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two scientists walk into a bar.

"I'll have H2O," says the first.

"I'll have H2O, too," says the second.

The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

While everyone is arguing over whether it's called a snow blower or a snow thrower, I invented a way to turn a dishwasher into snow removal device.

...
I bought my wife a snow shovel.

What do you need in order to understand a joke about a criminal's written confession?

Context.

2 jokes for 1 post

Please bare with me, the second one makes more sense with the context that the first joke exists.

Two Cannibals are eating a Clown.
One looks over at the other and says "Does this taste funny to you?"

Two Clowns are eating a Cannibal.
One looks over at the other and says "I thin...

A scientist is at a panel, discussing the results of his latest study.

He mentions, "You know, without the right context, my findings are absolutely meaningless."

Later on the news...

"On the headlines today, a world-renowned scientist has claimed his findings are absolutely meaningless."

Kcpd got me with a dad joke

I deliver gas(context). The officers were standing out front of the gas station. I was walking back to my truck.
Me: "Yall have a goodnight and be safe"
Officer:"Thankyou you too. Good luck with
Your gas problem"
Made my night and I laugh about it at work alot.

Spelling test

My daughter had a spelling test and asked me what does context mean. I asked her how is it being used?

Two Star Wars super-fanboys who hated The Last Jedi die and are at the gates of heaven

St Peter is there and tells them that before entering the afterlife, they may ask God himself one single question that He will answer truthfully for them.

"All the secrets of the Universe, past present and future are all available to you. Ask, and He will answer."

They whisper with ea...