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Regarding Jokes

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?...

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Regarding Dolphins...

Hey everyone. I have a fun fact for you. So, in case you don't find this funny, at least we've all learned a little something.

Dolphins can ejaculate with the speed and force of a shotgun.

Interesting, isn't it?

Kinda makes you wonder how Kurt Cobain *really* died.

A sheriff gets a call regarding a group of suspicious birds gathered along the highway.

So he drives to the reported location and sure enough there’s a group of about 15 vultures all huddled in a circle just off the right lane. The sheriff gets out and walks over to the birds to see what they’re up to. As he approaches he calls out “hey fellas, mind if I ask what this meetings about?” ...

A Statistic Regarding Americans

Math illiteracy effects 8 out of every 5 people.

You should see the nasty rejection letter I got from Heinz regarding my suggestion of a new condiment mixing relish and mustard…

It might have been the name though…

Don’t expect me to respond to any comments regarding this joke…

…I have abandoned my post.

A guru of a chef once gave me invaluable tips regarding herbs.

It was sage advice.

With the outrage regarding the repeal of Net Neutrality, it is important to remember that there are two sides to this issue.

The outraged side,

And the uninformed.

It is said regarding motivation that “the first step is always the hardest”…

As someone with plantar fasciitis, I could not agree more.

Why Bilbo had to be Male

Fun fact: Bilbo Baggins had to be a male in order for the plot of The Hobbit to work. If he was instead female, everything would have fallen apart in the goblin cave. Bilbo would have gone off wandering around in the dark and dreary caverns, found the ring, and seen Gollum fishing like in the origin...

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It just dawned on me that the "Honk if You're Horny" bumper stickers are a play on words regarding honking the car HORN

And not just about having a high sex drive

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Trump's statement regarding China

Trump: "In little over a week when I take office, China will fall into a slump. Factories will shut down, shops will close, stock markets will not trade, and government will grind to a halt.The wealthy will flee overseas with their families, citizens desperately trade their currency for food, doors ...

Tiger Woods issues statement to Reddit regarding tasteless comments about his emergency knee surgery in r/Jokes.

"I won't stand for this"

Interesting misconception regarding Type O Blood

Initially, the medical community referred to it as 'Type Zero' blood, due to the lack of glycoproteins. The term was misinterpreted to what it is today. You could venture as far as saying it's a **typo.**

Pretty sure I asked for help regarding this already, but

Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine? It was about a weak back.

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What was the Ninja Turtles’ policy regarding homosexuality?

Don’t ask Donatello

My wife asked me why I carry around a gun in the house.

And I answered, because of the decepticons!

She laughed, I laughed, Alexa laughed, I shot Alexa.

It was a good time.

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Edit: Thank you all for the upvotes and yes, this is a adaption to an old joke, i thought it was fitting regarding todays article about Alexa "laug...

Need some meme ideas for school project, regarding the 16th century.

Canterbury tales, Shakespeare,Beowulf using these.

Have you heard about the controversy regarding asians westernizing their surnames?

Honestly, it’s hard to know who’s White or Wong.

A priest visits his cousin, who is also a priest.

The two priests, both in their forties, sit down to dinner.

The visiting priest says, "Cousin, I couldn't help noticing that your housekeeper is quite a young and attractive woman. I take it relations between the two of you are not always completely platonic?"

"How dare you! I am a man...

Regarding myself: I must confess to my one and only draw-back, and it's a fairly massive one...

It's my foreskin.

I called gamestop custsomer service regarding their stocks and was put through after a 30mins wait..

And guess what? They told me to hold.

Regarding the newest marijuana studies...

Dear Pilots,

Please don't fly high.

I was discussing my final wishes with my adult children when I said "Regarding disposition of my ashes ...

I have no burning desires about what you do with them"

(This actually happened tonight IRL, and it was not a Dad Joke, just an inadvertent pun)

Please settle an argument regarding this joke: why is it funny?

>What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

>30 pounds.

This joke has been the source of debate among my peers. I know I'm right, but I need evidence/validation. Why is this joke funny? What is the punch line implying?

----

EDIT: Thanks for the response...

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Dirty Old Man Joke #536

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed fi...

What did William Shakespeare say regarding atomic orbitals?

"2p or not 2p, that is the question."

A question asked to the Olympic boxing team regarding the dangers of their sport.

10% responded that boxing is dangerous to health, the remaining 90% did not understand the question.

What do you call the mass distribution of news and information regarding marijuana, as well as the demand for its legalisation?

Propaganja. Thank you. I'll let myself out.

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.

So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way...

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This old, retired couple went to see the doctor regarding sexual problems.

he old man said, "We want to know if we're making love properly. Will you look at us and tell us if we're doing it right?"

"Sure, go ahead," said the doctor.

So the old couple made passionate love and afterwards the doctor said, "You're making love perfectly. That will be $10."

...

James Charles has just created a large and complex theory regarding the origins of the universe.

*And thats the-sis*

Regarding Little Red Riding Hood: Wolves can’t be all bad if they’ll eat your grandmother

Even Grandpa won’t do that.

Regarding the molestation jokes. A lot you guys may not know this, but molestation...

Is a very touchy subject.





I'm sorry. Did that joke rub you the wrong way?

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Breaking News: Louis C.K. makes first published statement regarding the recent alligations of sexual misconduct.

"I'm Gay."

Well if there's one thing we can all agree on regarding tomorrow's inauguration ...

Orange is the new Black

I met Greece's finance minister, who was looking for help regarding the situation there.

He asked me for my two cents.

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After the death of her husband, a woman puts a sign on her front porch...

The sign states that any man who: 1. Will treat her nicely, 2. Won't leave her, and 3. Who is good in bed can stay with her. A few days later, the doorbell rings and she opens it to find a man in a wheelchair with no arms and legs. He says, "I'm here regarding the sign on your front porch. As you ca...

UN sent a survey to children from different country: " Regarding the problem of food shortage in other countries, what's your opinion?" Surprisingly no kids understand the question.

American kids: "what's “other countries”...?"
European kids: "what's “shortage”...?"
Africa kids: "what's “food”...?"
Chinese kids: "what's “my opinion”...?"

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I was in the park with my dog and I said to this bloke, "Which way did you vote regarding Brexit?". “I voted to leave" he replied. With that my dog bit him. Later that day, I was down the pub and I asked the landlord the same question and he replied “I voted to remain” and my dog bit him too.

My dog doesn't give a fuck about politics.

A so-called friend of mine and I were having a heated discussion regarding what to do with all of the plastic waste we are generating. I decided we couldn’t be friends when he brought up straws.

I can’t be friends with someone who makes straw-ban arguments.

A lawyer, Jones, is questioning his witness, Smith, during a murder trial.

Jones: Mr Smith, can you tell us what the deceased said before he died?

Smith: Yes, I can. He said...

Judge: Now hold on a minute. I'm not sure if it could be considered hearsay if I allowed Mr Smith to continue.



This led to a long argument between both lawyers and the j...

Husband eats dog food

A married lady goes to her doctor for her annual checkup and everything is good. In her conversation at the end of all the tests and examination with the doctor she expressed a concern about her husband.

"As you know I raise champion golden retrievers and one evening I was making thier foo...

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Trump book

Today I was at the bookstore; as I was wandering around, the clerk stopped me and offered to help me.

I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele, so I asked, "Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. Immigration Policy regarding Muslims and illegal Mexicans?"

The cl...

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The Definition of Politics

A Russian Jew successfully secured relocation to Israel.

At the Moscow airport, when conducting a search of his belongings, the customs official found a statue in his case.

He asked the traveler:

‘What is this?’

The traveler replied:

‘That is the wrong question, co...

Subarus

This joke took 20 seconds to come up with and is the stupidest joke I have but here goes

I walked into a doctors office and he said “regarding last weeks tests I regret to inform you that you have an sti” I laughed and responded “you must be new to cars, that’s an evo”

The picky princess and Peasant John

Once upon a time, there was a kingdom ruled by a kind but ageing king. This king had a single daughter, beautiful and clever, but incredibly picky regarding suitors.
At first, the king entertained many foreign princes and young nobles, seeking the hand of his daughter in marriage. However, the pr...

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A man with a stutter goes to the doctor

A man goes to the doctor to consult regarding his stutter.

 
**Man:** "D-d-d-doctor, have the re-re-re-results come back yet about the source of my st-st-st-stutter?"

 
**Doctor:** "Yes, after extensive examination, I have determined that the reason for your s...

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Interviewer asked me if I ever lied about my penis.

Interviewer: Have you ever lied regarding your penis.

Me: Yes, once while rubbing the tip through my pant leg someone asked me what I was doing… I lied and told them I was scratching my knee.

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An elderly Lady goes to an undertaker

An elderly lady with no family wants to leave her affairs in order in her old age. That is why she goes to an undertaker. They discuss the funeral, the guest list, flowers and whatever else is necessary. The undertaker also asks her if she has any special wishes regarding the inscription on her grav...

I was on my way to give a lecture...

I was on my way to give a lecture regarding my recently learning about various topics such as The Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon and the Sunk Cost Fallacy when a gorgeous young woman drove up beside me and told me that she'd just turned 21 and wanted to show me a good time. I thought to myself that this ...

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Galley Chick

The Airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc.

Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination."

Ed sitting in the ...

In Soviet Union a Screwdriver is not Orange Juice with Vodka...

It’s Vodka with Orange Juice

(Jokester’s Note: Russian Vodka is the best in the world regarding to taste, which inspired me to make this joke, love y’all(as far as a westerner goes))

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Vacationing at a nudist resort, I was sitting on the sand at the water's edge wondering,

"What's all this fuss regarding anal beaching?"

Two guys immigrate to Alabama

Two guys immigrate to Alabama and decide to have a small bet regarding which one of them can integrate better. They decide to meet in one year to decide the results.

After one year they meet up and the first guy goes: ''Every sunday I go to church and then Walmart. I only eat chicken, shrimps...

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