Punctuation Matters!

I was walking past a farm and a sign said:

"Duck, Eggs"

I thought: That's an unnecessary comma - and then it hit me."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I named my penis "matters"

So when my girlfriend breaks up with me I can take matters into my own hands.

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The animals hear that the world is going to end

So, the Lion, as their king, calls an official meeting of all animals.

“We have only 10 days until everything as we know it is destroyed. Nothing matters anymore. Let’s just all have sex with each other and go out with a bang.”

The antelope flicks and ear to ask a question: “What about...

There are three states of matter

Doesn't matter

Matters a bit

Really matters a lot

I am the man who is open, honest, and direct, especially when dealing with unpalatable matters

But you can call me Frank

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Little League Sportsmanship

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, 'Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?' The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

'Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?' The litt...

What do you call a Subway manager who spends too much time helping make sandwiches up front and not enough time back in the office attending to business matters?

Counter productive.

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A Dyre Predicament

"So kind of you to cruise by, Superman. How are the kryptonite shackles treating you?"

"You won't get away with this! Who are you anyway? I've never fought you."

"Oh, that's because I'm not a villain. And I intend to keep it that way, which brings me to the nature of today's exercise...

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The only thing that matters about penis size is how it compares to your significant other's past lovers.

It's the theory of genital relativity.

Spelling matters!

I was waiting on a Zoom call to start, but client was having technical issues. The client texted and said, "please bare with me." Thought it was an odd request, but he's the client.

Eventually we got the video to work, but now I'm fired.

It does not matter how many times you fall down, what matters is how many times you get back up

Unfortunately the officer did not appreciate my grit during the roadside sobriety test.

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