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Feet and penis size are not related

Trust me, my feet are huge

Just looked into my family tree and found out both great great grand parents are related...

It's not every day you get to learn about your incestors

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A couples therapist believes the amount of sex you have is directly related to happiness, so he decides to test his theory at his next seminar.

He addresses the crowd in attendance and asks "How many couples here tonight have sex once a day?"

To the therapists delight, about half of the crowd raise their hands with wide, toothy grins across their faces.

The therapist then asks "How many have sex once a week?"

Roughly a ...

Today, after a quick search, I realized that I'm actually related to a lot of people on Reddit.

Either that, or it turns out that there are just an awful lot of nice grandpas who sucked at building cabinets.

Alabama leads nation in fewest covid related deaths.

They have been marking uncles, fathers, and brothers as the same person when they die.

An Apple Store in Minneapolis reported losing $200,000 in inventory to riot-related theft.

'Thankfully the looters took nothing but two iPhones' the store's associate manager said.

Why shouldn't you tell your crush death-related jokes?

It kills the conversation :/

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The theory of evolution states that all species are related to a common ancestor

So no officer I dont think its "disgusting" that I'm dating a raccoon

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After a two year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's ball-related recreational preferences:

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is basketball.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling.

3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is football.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball.

5. Th...

What makes certain plants scientifically related to each other?

The family tree.

Did you hear about the guy who got shot by a starter pistol ?

Police believe it was race related.

I’m seeing a lot of heaven related jokes, so here’s a bad one to lower every bodies expectations-

What do angles fish for in heaven?
Holy mackerels

Which word has 6 letters, starts with an N and ends with an R and is related to a Race

NASCAR

I was dating a girl claiming to be related to King Louis the XVI and got mad

after I declared "so no head?"
Immediately she begins storming off

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If you have sex with someone you're not related to...

You're called a clitourist. If it's someone you're related to then you're a clitizen.

At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me

. On a related note...…………………. I suck at darts.

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Donald Trump was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word “tragedy”. So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a “tragedy”.

One little boy stood up and offered: “If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs ove...

What did the cow say when she related to something?

Nothing, she just mood.

(For people in health related occupations) Knock, Knock.

Who’s there?

HIPAA

HIPAA who?

I can’t tell you.

Two Australians were sitting around talking over a beer..

After a while the first Australian says to the second, “If I was to sneak over to your house and make love to your wife while you was off fishing, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"

The second Australian crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head...

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Not a very good mind-reader

Not a very good mind reader



I was at crappy work related function when the act - a kind of magician/mind-reader - asked me the old "think of a card, any card" routine, and that he would be able to read my mind and name the card.

Him: Do you have the card in your mind?

M...

So little Billy give the "dog ate my homework" excuses.

So little Billy give the "dog ate my homework" excuses.

Teacher: Why on earth do you let your dog eat your homework?

Billy: Well, my dog really love to eat cake.

Teacher: And how does this even related?

Billy: Yesterday you said that the homework is a piece of cake....

What do you call an orgy where everyone is related?

A family affair

A middle aged bachelor has an obsession with tractors.

His entire house is decorated with them. He has tractor wallpaper, tractor memorabilia, many many model tractors, pictures of tractors, tractor bed sheets, even his car looks like a tractor (not a real tractor due to legal reasons).

As it is, his obsession with tractors had left him awkward, ...

Five academics are locked in a room.

A chemist, biologist, engineer, pure mathematician, and business PhD are locked in a room, and each given a locked box with a key to the outside world in it, and told to figure out how to open it.

The chemist pours a powerful acid on it, dissolving it open. The engineer calculates the exact a...

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First corona-related death in my neighborhood just happened

Bitch shouldn't have taken the last pack of toilet paper.

A brief rise in the suicide is related to the Covid pandemic

Murderers are working from home.

I'm a Sikh and really tired of hearing "sikh" puns on any post related to Sikhs

I'm sikh of this joke.

I couldn't join the KKK if I wanted to, my bloodline isn't pure enough.

Turns out my parents weren't even related.

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My buddy jokingly asked me, "If I shagged your wife, would that make us related?"

I said, "No man, that would just make us even."

If you like pee related puns...

then *urine* for a treat.

If what they say about the size of a man’s package being related to his shoe size is true...

No wonder everybody’s looking for Bigfoot.

Wait a minute

Serious answer, here's the longest joke I know by heart.

Three men die and go to heaven. They meet St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter looks at his notebook, then back to them and says "we have something interesting here. All three of you died at roughly the same time and in roughly the ...

Police related jokes aren’t funny

So give it arrest

[OC] A man wakes up one morning not feeling well.

He decides to go and see the doctor because he has some symptoms he’s heard are related to the virus all over the news. On the way to his appointment, his car breaks down and he has to walk the rest of the way. He’s exhausted by the time he finally arrives at the Doctor’s office, 15 minutes late....

It turns out that I’m related to the man who invented the globe.

It’s a small world.

It dawned on me in the shower that my ex gf must be related to hurricane Dorian. You've been waiting for them to come but they just keep gyrating until they exhaust themselves.

The worst though is when you see the video of them ravaging and gushing all over their previous fling, leaving you feeling completely inadequate and devastated.

How are Princess Diana, Dale Earnhardt, and Pink Floyd related?

Their last greatest hit was The Wall.

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The doctor says I’m addicted to everything Japan related.

I don’t know what is he talking about. I’m normal , hentai?

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I was at the front of the bus with my sister.

This old man said, "When are you two getting off?"

"We're fucking related you sick bastard," I replied.

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