This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 reasons Jesus was actually Irish

1. He went out drinking with his buddies the night before he died.
2. He thought his mother was a virgin.
3. His mother thought he was God.

My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis."

I replied, "That's 15 love."

Three reasons why you don't wanna be an Egg

You only get laid ONCE

You only get ate ONCE

And the only one to sit on your face is your MOTHER

I don't eat meat for religious reasons

I eat it becouse i like the taste

I began wearing adult diapers for 2 reasons:

Reason #1 and #2.

They developed a toilet for the space station for two reasons:

Number one, and, of course, number two.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I kept referencing the song One Night in Bangkok for reasons why I didn't want to take a vacation there.

It's just me now and my Thai trope act without Annette.

Reasons to Avoid Water

* Can be extracte from rocket fuel
* Is the main ingredient in pestisides
* 100% of violent criminals have consumed water in the hours leading up to their crimes
* Is the #1 cause of drowning
* Excess consumption will cause sweating, urination and possibly death
* 100% of people expos...

What do you call a list with columns and rows of reasons why you hate people?

A contempt-table

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The maid asked for a raise

[Long]

The maid asked for a raise. The woman asked her why.

Maid : "For three reasons. Number 1, I iron clothes better than you."

Woman : "Who said that?"

Maid : "Your husband said that"

Woman : "Oh"

Maid : "Secondly, I cook better than you"

Woman : "...

There are 2 reasons you shouldn't rely on procrastinators.

1). They never finish anything

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend left me today and she gave me two reasons why...

That my penis is too big, and I lie too much.

A maid decided it was time to demand a raise, so she went directly to the Lady of the house's private study Maid: "I'd like a raise."

Mrs. Smith:"Why do you think you deserve a raise?

Maid:"Three reasons. First, I can cook better than you."

Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"

Maid:"Your husband. Second, I clean better than you."

Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"

Maid:"Your husband.Third, I'm better in ...

Had to get castrated today for birth control reasons. I paid so much and they didn't even use scissors.

It was a rip-off.

The Top 10 Reasons a Gun is better than a woman....

#10. You can trade an old .44 for a new 22

#9. You can keep one Gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

#8. If you admire a friend's Gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7. Your primary Gun doesn't mind if you keep another Gun ...

My wife and I split up because of psychological reasons...

She was Psycho and I was Logical.

2 reasons I’ll never give money to a homeless man

1: They need money for drugs
2: I need money for drugs

4 reasons why we should date

A man asks the prettiest girl he has ever seen out.

She responds: "Name 4 reasons why I should date you."

He says: "Sure, I'll give you 4 big reasons:

* A - I'm very attractive. I'm the tallest guy in this town.
* B - I'm smarter than 99% of men. My IQ is above 130.
* C...

A man goes into a town he's never seen before

He finds someone to give him a tour, but as he's lead around the town, everything is so strange. Finally, the tour guide brings him to a big building. "This is the train station" he says. The man from out of town says "Finally something normal". But when he goes in there's just a bunch of drawers. H...

I’m an Anti-vax and I don’t care what you think.

I’m sick and tired of seeing people who are anti-vax getting bullied on social media. We have good reasons to feel this way and simply bad mouthing us or attacking us is not going to change our mind. We will not be silenced.

I for sure will never have one again. No chance, no matter what you ...

Politicians and diapers need to be changed often...

For the same reasons.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Let's make a list

Let's make a list of all the reasons why the chicken crossed the road!

The american spy

Once upon a time, an american spy who was in Russia, after a long career and for unknown reasons he decided he wants to surrender. He goes to the police, in the front office and he says

-Hello, I'm an american spy and I would like to surrender

-Well sir, do you have a gun?

-yes...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Reasons girls should swallow

How the fuck else are they supposed to eat, you idiot?

Reasons for speeding

Harry and Lloyd were speeding down the road. a police car pulled them over.

"Why on earth were you driving so fast?" the policeman yelled.

"Our brakes are no good, so we wanted to get there before we had an accident!

I hate when my roommates throw cigarettes in the toilet for two reasons.

A: it's disgusting and B: they are harder to light.

3 reasons why my parents are bad at hide and seek.

1. They always hide in their bedroom.
2. They make too much noise.
3. my dad takes a pill that makes him think he is invisible and proceeds to take off his clothes

Two reasons why I don't let my girlfriend go into my swimming pool

1. I don't have a swimming pool.
2. I don't have a girlfriend.

Reasons for stealing

Pointing to the captured thief, the owner of the supermarket said to the policeman who came to investigate: "He stole the chocolate on the supermarket shelf and didn't pay the money, so I caught him."



The policeman asked the thief: "Why steal supermarket goods?"



The thi...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.