If America is storming Area 51 then the Europeans can storm the Vatican

We’ll take the aliens, you get the predators

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We should send sex offenders to storm Area 51

Alien Vs Predator

A man walked into a resort and the first sign he saw said “Lool Area”

He was confused and asks one of the employees about it.

“Yes, we have this tradition here, we replace the first ‘P’ of any word that starts with P with an ‘L’ because the owner hates the words that starts with letter ‘P’."

The man thought this was strange, but as long as there were no ...

A barber in my area got arrested for being a drug dealer.

I was his client for many years, and I had no clue that he was a barber.

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base ...

I don’t know why people expect to find aliens in Area 51

Trump would have deported them by now!

A dyslexic man was arrested for storming area 15

He was released as authorities felt bad for him.

What does Area 51 and a g-spot have in common?

All these guys talking about what they’re going to do to it, but they can’t even find it.

Jokes on us when the “Storm Area 51” event...

turns out to be a timeshare presentation.

Priests should join the raid on area 51

So that it'll be aliens vs predators

People keep talking about how they’re going to raid Area 51

Don’t they know that Donald Trump is moving all the aliens to Mexico?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the area between a California woman’s boobs?

Silicone Valley

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Does my alien girlfriend from area 51 have a Penis?

Something inside me says yes

Is your name Area Fifty-One?

Because I wanna storm your private areas

All these people posting about invading Area 51..

All they need to do is change the “restricted area” signs to “now hiring” and “now recruiting” and it’ll lower the numbers by at least half.

There's a gang in my area who recruit new members by threatening them with all kinds of horrible punishments if they don't join.

But enough about the church.

Donald Trump heard about the Area 51 raid today and he said he wants to go.

He said, "if there are illegal aliens there I want to find them and send them back to their own planet."

Hey girl are you Area 51?

Cause the government will shoot me for trying to get inside you forcefully

We stormed Area 51 and found an alien

He’s name is Juan, they found him at the border.

What if we tell the flat earthers that the answers they are looking for are in Area 51

Then that way we get to watch people storm Area 51 and no one dies that anyone cares about!

If they made a movie about the Area 51 raid,

it would be called Alien vs Redditor

Can you imagine Netflix making a TV show about storming Area 51?

But then again, Stranger Things has happened

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went on the sex offender registry and found the addresses of all the sex offenders in my area, and sent them all hate mail.

Just to make sure they read it, I wrote the letters in crayon.

Ed Smith was a famous but rude ore trader in the area.

ED SMITH'S SHOP.

It was one of the biggest landmarks in the town. You could just look at that big metal sign and see how proud the man was of his trade.

No matter how good a businessman he was, Ed's arrogant behavior was loathed by pretty much everyone. He was too proud of his riches, ...

Two bacteria walk into a bar, then into the staff area.

The barman says “get out!”

The bacteria say “don’t worry, we’re staph”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A city doctor is deployed in a tribal area.

After six months of serving there,he is sexually deprived. He finally opens up to a villager he had befriended.

he asks, "Here aren't any women. How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?"


"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you."


The next ...

LPT: With Area 51 being raided soon, you should know what to do when you see a Spaceman...

Just park your car, man

Did you know that in malaria ridden areas, muslims are not required to remove shoes when entering their praying buildings?

Mosque-y toe control is essential.

Some might doubt that TV shows inspired hundreds of thousands of people to raid Area 51 looking for supernatural beings

but I've seen stranger things

I guess since Chuck Norris will be raiding Area 51

We can be sure there will be no aliens there

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area.

Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull." Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Jennie, pu...

What do you call a nail salon in a gentrified area?

White Claw.

Hey gurl, are you Area 51?

because there are tons of crazy rumours going on about you and upon further research, it seems like they might actually be true.

A man dressed up as an alien at the Area 51 Raid.

The FBI showed up and said,
"GET BACK IN YOUR CHAMBER!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two hungry vampire bats are sitting in a tree, discussing the best area to go to get some juicy blood...

The first bat says "I'm gonna fly out of the woods and see if there's anything near the river.

When the first bat returns, the second bat says "Did you have much luck?", to which he replies "Nah, absolutely nothing down there".

The second bat says "Okay I'm going to fly further into th...

An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house.

As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:

COLD BEER: $5.00
HAMBURGER: $10.00
CHEESEBURGER: $15.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $18.50
HAND JOB: $250.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money, the old golfer walks ...

What’s the difference between a dirty waiting area for public transport and a lobster with breast implants?

Ones a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean

Three engineers are trying to figure out what sort of engineer God is

The mechanical engineer says "God must be a mechanical engineer. Look at how perfectly our joints are assembled and how fluid our movements are!"

The electrical engineer says "Not at all, God must be an electrical engineer. The bio-electric processes in our brain exceed anything we can invent...

So I live in a national forest, and I frequently explore the area...

One day, a park ranger stopped by my house and knocked on the door. I opened it, and he came inside. He asked me if I had heard of the recent shortage of bears in the park, to which I denied. He asked me a few more questions and then went on his way. A few hours later he came back with a warrant to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the area between 2 fake tits?

silicon valley.

A local barber in my area just got arrested for selling drugs.

It blew my mind. I’ve been his customer for years. I had no idea he was a barber.

U.S. singles may be bills, and Canadian singles may be coins...

...but Asian singles are in my area.

A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and knocked. When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages.

She said, "Let's see now, there's the twins, Sally and Billy, they're eighteen. And the twins, Seth & Beth, they're sixteen. And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they're fourteen."

"Hold on!" said the census taker, "Did you get twins every time?"

The woman answered, "Heck no, there were...

Got a new job at Gatwick Airport. I patrol the runways on a horse and shoot down any illegal flying devices in the area.

I'll be known as The Drone Ranger.

I went to visit my 80 year old grandfather who lives in a rural area [long]

He made me breakfast and as I was eating I noticed the plates had a film-like residue on them.

"Grandpa are these plates clean?", I asked him.

He responded, "They're as clean as cold water can get them. Now hurry up and eat your food."

Later that day he made hamburgers and as w...

Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in a rural area in the west of England. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife is beginning to deliver the baby

The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?" "Hold the lantern, Mike. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be praised, I..." Before Mike can fini...

A math professor, John, is having problems with his sink so he calls a plumber.

The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.




The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just bought PornHub Premium.

And now there aren’t any horny milfs in my area that want to have sex with me anymore.

A department store opened in downtown area that sold men and a woman decides to visit it in search of a husband.

At the store’s entrance, there’s a sign outlining the department store policy.

* The first rule states that you can only enter the store once.
* There are six floors and on each floor you can choose a husband or elect to move on to the next floor.
* You cannot visit a floor more than on...

What do you call an area where multiple horses live?

A neiiiighborhood.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three birds were eating fermented seeds from cow manure in a fenced in barn area.

After eating their fill they noticed three barn cats lurking about. They decided they needed to get out of there. Feeling inebriated the first decided to get a boost by starting from a quarter way up a rake. It tries, and fumbles. Cat gets it!

The second one hoping for a better chance goes up...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Hitler call the area around his tent?

Mein Kampf

I tried to look up Atlanta’s area code.

All I got was 404.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A plane is spotted trying to land at Area 51

One day at Area 51 a radar tech spots a single engine plane on final approach to the secret Air Force base. The plane touches down and is immediately surrounded by armed guards. The plane is impounded and the pilot is whisked off for questioning. The pilot claims that he had been flying from Las Veg...

What do you call a poor area with high crime rates in Italy?

A sphagetto.

A new gynaecologist just opened near my area but, people are saying he is deaf...

I guess he is a really good lip reader...

What do you call that monk who is living in the urban area?

citiZEN

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Sy...

I looked up the nearest recycling center in my area in google maps and asked for directions

It opened up this subreddit

A girl realized that the area between her legs have grown some hair.

Worried, she quickly told her mother. Her mother calmly says "That thing where the hair grows is called monkey. And the growing hair is normal."

During dinner, the girl excitedly announced, "My monkey has started growing hair!". Her older sister boastfully said, "Heh, That's nothing. Mine sta...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A city man recently moved to a rural area

He buys a nice house & his neighbors seem great.
One of his neighbors comes up to his fence & they begin to talk.

The country guy tells him “I’m going to throw a big party for you at my place. There’s going to be a lot of drinking, a lot of fighting & a lot of fucking.”
<...

What do you call the area where a group of French cats talk?

A chatroom

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is the area between a woman's chest and hips called a waist?

...because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

A receptionist at a doctor’s office announces new privacy laws to patients waiting in the common area.

“Starting today, people won’t be called by their name.”

People somehow smile and nod.

“So, the man with hemorrhoids, please come in.”

When I was exploring the area near Chernobyl, I touched an old electric pole.

That post gave me cancer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bus full of politicians crashes in a big deserted area..

There was only one man that could see the accident. The farmer who owns the house nearby heard the noises and goes to take a look, calling the police and ambulance on the way. Half & hour minutes later a policeman knocks on his door and asks "Where are the people involved in crash?" The farmer s...

I was in the supermarket when I got a message on my phone telling me there were 24 singles in my area

Think I'm going to delete the Kraft Cheese app.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A newly graduated doctor is assigned to a rural area, and after a few days he realizes that there were no women in the village, they were all men.

After taking a bit of confidence he asks one of his patients that they did when they had the need for sex and the patient replied: That they went down to the river.

The weekend came and the doctor went to the river, and there was a huge line of men standing on the shore of the river. Being so...

What do you call an urban area in France with a low average income and high rates of criminality?

A baghuetto

I grew up in a rough area. When I was a kid people used to cover me in Chocolate and cream and put a Cherry on top of my head

Life was hard in the gateau

The world is full of grey areas.

I don't know how you can get any more black and white than that.

The Thane Of Cawdor’s (Scottish equiv. Of Earl) castle is protected by high stone walls. The weak point is the old wooden drawbridge, which is showing the first small signs of rot in some areas.

The smartest men in the castle assemble to advise the king, but all of their solutions involve paying for a brand new drawbridge, which the Scottish Thane is not a fan of.

“Oh, the cost!” He cried, “isn’t there anyone in the kingdom who has a better, cheaper idea for protecting the wood of ...

There was a vendor in the area that sold delicious fruit smoothies.

One day the man disappeared.

So did the punchline.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was on a porn website. An ad popped up, saying, 'I'm a hot, sexy girl that lives in your area and I want a thick, hard penis...'

I thought, 'You should probably see a surgeon about that.'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Italian gentleman wanted to plant his annual tomato garden. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son:

"Dear Vincent, I am pretty sad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Papa."...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ever since I got Pornhub Premium local women in my area haven't been interested in me.

Help what do I do?

I used to be that area where water meets land...

But now I'm not so shore.

After a series of crimes in the Glasgow area, Chief Inspector McTavish has announced that he’s looking for a man with one eye.

but If he doesn’t find him, he’s going to use both eyes.

Why did the pirate store their loot in an arid area?

Because desert tends to make the booty larger.

Tinder is for rookies

Go to Facebook Marketplace and search for wedding dresses. It'll show you recently divorced females in your area. From there you can filter by size.

Don’t you hate when a joke repeats its first line in the title and in the text area

Don’t you hate when a joke repeats its first line in the title and in the text area, but you still get suckered into reading the whole thing over again?

This mechanic in my area went to jail for dealing drugs

I've been his customer for over 5 years...I had no clue he was a mechanic.

My Dad actually said this is a Denver area Pizza Hut.

A group of maybe 6\-8 of us were finishing up our meal when a rather large woman \(our waitress\) came over and asked my dad if "we wanna box for our left over pizza?" Without skipping a beat, my dad looks her right in the eye and says "no, but I'll wrestle ya for it!". The look on her face was pric...

What do you call the troublesome storage area under your roof?

Problematic.

Why is that psychiatrists don’t want to visit Arctic areas?

They can’t handle bipolar bears.

Gabriel's horn is a geometric figure which has infinite surface area but finite volume

This is in contrast to a vuvuzela which has a finite surface area but infinite volume

Why will the south never know the area of a chess board.

It is black and white so they won't integrate

Hey girl, are you a hot single from my area?

Because you look like you'll give me some form of virus

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.