After 62 years of being devoted to Judaism, Abraham converts to Christianity

Distraught over this unexpected development, his life-long friend Moshe sends him a message.

Moshe: "Abraham, you schmuck! How could you abandon your faith?"

Abraham: "New Testament, who dis?"

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

And it was at this time during the darkest days of Christianity that as he was nailed to the cross and raised up for all to gaze upon his tortured and twisted body he looked down wearily at his 12 apostles and speaking softly with his last gasping breath said unto them...

"Don't touch my fucking Easter eggs I'll be back on Monday."

An old Jewish mother complains to her friend, "My son Joey converted to Christianity."

Her friend says, "My God, my Eddy also converted! What can we do about it?"

​

The first woman responds, "The only thing we can do is pray."

​

So, the two of them head to the synagogue, where they sit down with prayer books and pour out their hearts t...

Why did the Romans nailing Jesus to a cross lead to Christianity being the world's most believed religeon?

They made him hole-y

An orthodox Jewish man is distraught because his son has converted to Christianity

He goes to temple to pray.

"Lord, what have I done wrong? I lived a righteous life, studying the Torah and doing everything you asked. But now my son has told me he wants to be a Christian! What should I do?"

After a moment of silence, a big booming voice calls out

"You think y...

A Jewish businessman decided to send his son to Israel...

A Jewish businessman decided to send his son to Israel to absorb some of the culture of the homeland. When the son returned, the father asked him to tell him about his trip. The son said, "Pop, I had a great time in Israel. Oh, and by the way, I converted to Christianity." "Oh, my," said the fathe...

How many priestesses are there in Christianity?

There are nun.

Whatโ€™s the Islamic equivalent of cafeteria Christianity?

Allah-cart.

Did anyone else hear about the Vatican naming swiss as the official cheese for christianity?

Yea that's right, it's the holiest of cheeses.

Christianity is a simple religion, God only asks 2 things from you...

Go to his house once a week and eat his son

Muslim converting to Christianity [Translated]

A muslim decided to convert to Christianity. He went to the Vatican to get baptised.
There was two men before him, the Pope took the first and dipped his head in the holy water basin and took it out. The Pope asked the man: Did you see Christ?? The man replied Yes. The Pope said: Congratulations,...

Islam makes more sense than Christianity

Because the universe was created with the Big Bang.

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

[NSFW] How are radical Christianity and Islam similar?

They both fuck kids.

A problem the Rabbi can't solve

A Jewish man goes to his Rabbi and says "Rabbi, I have a problem. My son is converting to Christianity and I can't do a thing about it." The Rabbi answers, "You know Moishe, I have the same problem. Let's go talk to the Chief Rabbi. Maybe he can help us out." So they set out to see the Chief Rabbi. ...

I don't understand Christianity's problem with LGBTQ people.

Transgender women made me believe in Adam's apple.

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

What does Christianity and blowjobs have in common?

You're on your knees begging a man to come again.

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

My uncle converted to Christianity

My uncles and I were out one day getting our bagels and gefilte fish and we noticed the placard. โ€œ$1,000 to convert!โ€

Well, being the shrewd mensches we are we decide one of us should go ahead and check. Uncle Hersch draws the short straw so he goes in.

We wait.

And wait.
...

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

Christianity is the best way to cure gayness

Just get on your knees, take a swig of wine and accept the body of a man into your mouth

A 90 year old Holocaust survivor told me this joke.

Two Jewish guys are walking when one notices a sign on a Catholic church that says "Convert to Christianity, and we'll give you $100."

The one says to the other, "should we do it??"
The other says "NO!! Are you crazy?"
The first guy replies "Hey, a hundred dollars is a hundred dollars.....

"Rabbi, rabbi"

One day, a teenage boy goes to his father- a rabbi at their small town's only synagogue- and says "Father, it pains me to say this, but I've decided to convert to Christianity."

The Rabbi, with no idea what to do, decides to walk ten miles to a much larger city, where he found a synagogue muc...

What do you drink at Christmas if you're not sure about Christianity?

Egg-nogstic

A short, crisp, Christianity joke Which I promise is offensive in no way.

So it's early in the morning and the married couple wakes up, both ready for their morning coffee, but none of them are willing to do it. So the wife say's to her husband, " You know, the bible say's that men should make the coffee." Curious the husband asks why and his wife replies "*Hebrews*"

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

Two Jewish mothers are talking and one says

Two Jewish mothers are talking and one says, "I have some unsavory news. I sent my son to Israel to become a more faithful Jew, but he became Christian!"

The other mother replies, "Funny story! I sent my son there for the same reason, and he became a Christian as well!"

The two women, ...

How did the trout become a symbol for Christianity?

Easy. By dropping "trou"

What is the difference between christianity and national socialism?

In christianity, one guy died for all the others.

Easter Joke

A Buddhist, Hindu, and atheist die and go to heaven. St. Peter greets them and says, "Well I have good news and bad news. The bad news is you backed the wrong horse. Christianity is the true faith, but the good news is you can still get into heaven if you can correctly answer a question."

He...

What do you get if you cross a Jew?

Christianity

The Jewish Lawyer and the Rabbi

<Long-ish>

A Jewish lawyer, distraught and in a semi-panic, ran to his Rabbi pleading, "Rabbi! Rabbi! You must help me!"

The Rabbi, quite concerned, inquired, "What is it? What is wrong? How may I help?"

"It's my son. He just called me. He told me he and his family are con...

An amateur group of Islamic film makers have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ.

It is believed to be so offensive that St Mary's church in Dublin have postponed their tea and cake morning until next Wednesday, and Dorothy O'Neill from Dinlge has written a strongly worded letter.

When will the madness end?

A priest, a swami, and a rabbi...

A priest, a swami, and a rabbi were arguing as to who were the best at their job. So they decided to go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it to their respective religion. After several hours, they met up again at a local disco to share the result of their venture.

The priest...

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

Made this myself. I'm very proud

A priest is visited by Christ himself in his dream. The Son of God warns him that danger is coming his way, and his family will be at risk as well. The priest asks for guidance, and Jesus takes pity on him and says, "give your blessing to the droplets of my land." And with that, the priest wakes up....

What happens when a Jewish girl lies about her one night stand?

Christianity.

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

My Lyft passenger told his friend why he needs to stop pushing religion on people.

His conversation went something like this:

"You just cant push Christianity on people, it doesnt work. Because at the end of the day, no matter how successful you are, they want to go on living their lives!"

"I dont know about that..."

"I mean for fuck sake, they say that Jesus ...

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

Two Jews are walking past a church

Two Jews are walking past a church. The signboard reads "Convert to Christianity today and earn $100!"

The first Jew says, "What a load of crap. Proselytizing schmucks!"

The second Jew says, "I don't know, one hundred dollars is one hundred dollars."

"You can't be serious," says...

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

Two Jewish fathers are having a conversation.

One mentioned to the other, "It's been a trying time for me. I sent my son to Jerusalem to study for two years in the hopes he would return as a better Jew, but instead he converted to Christianity."

The other father replied, "That's odd. I also sent my son to Jerusalem to study, and he also ...

An Irishman walked into a bar and ordered 3 beers

An Irishman walked into a bar and ordered 3 beers. The Bartender happily gave the his drinks while the Irishman sat down and took one sip out of each glass at a time.

When the Irishman got up to leave the Bartender asked why he drank those 3 beers in such a way. The Irishman replied by saying...

Same problem

A Jewish guy converts to Christianity. His distraught father prays, "Oh God, my son converted to Christianity! What should I do?"

God says, "You know, I had that same problem..."

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

A Jewish man Sent his son on a trip to Israel

When his son returned, it was brought up that, while on the trip, he had converted to Christianity. Distraught, the Jewish man went to a close friend of his and explained the situation.

The other man replied, "Well that's strange, I too sent my son to Israel a Jew, and he too came back a Chr...

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you how you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn."

Stupid firemen

[I originally saw this joke on a friend's facebook picture he shared](http://i.imgur.com/6Q1KD6K.jpg) but others have pointed me to:
[OP](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/3m4zpu/i_hate_those_people_who_knock_on_your_door_and/)
[OP2](https://www.reddit.com/r/Christi...

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

More than a bit racist

An Arab man comes home one day to his wife and child and says, "My sweet flower, I'm sick of all the dirty looks and prejudice. It's time we convert to Christianity, life will be easier."

The family goes to a priest and the father asks if the priest can convert the family to Christianity. ...

The disappearance of Joseph Haydn

Dissatisfied with the Christianity of Europe in 1800's, the composer Franz Joseph Haydn turned his eye to the religions of the east, and after much soul searching, he converted to Sikhism late in his life.

It would be the last thing he did.

Official reports say that after his conversi...

Two Jewish men are walking down the street.

They notice a sign outside a church that reads, "$200 to covert to Christianity."

One of them asks, "Well, you want to give it a shot?"

"Nah", the other responds.

"I'm not really religious anyway; I'll take their money" says the first.

An hour goes by and he comes walks b...

I was forcibly held underwater, made to consume human flesh, and drank human blood all before puberty.

man Christianity has some weird traditions.

Did you hear about the missionary who went to visit the cannibals?

He gave them their first taste of Christianity.

Trump's in Saudi Arabia, Israel...

... and the Vatican this week, cradles of USA's 3 great religions:

Christianity, Judaism, and Oil.

If religions were movies...

...then Judaism is the prequel, Christianity is the first sequel, Islam is the second sequel, and Mormonism is the cult fan-fiction based off the first sequel but not the second.

What do you call a Nun in a wheelchair

Virgin Mobile

Stolen from r/christianity

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

Some historic anti-Nazi jokes from Germany

Hey there. I thought, I'll take the time and translate you some of the so-called "Flรผsterwitze"(whisper jokes) from nazi Germany.

* The old code of law seems to complicated, so it has to be changed. From now on, there are only three laws: 1. If you do something, or fail to do something, you ...

Three men are in a bar

Three men are in a bar, talking about the Red Sox. "I think they'll win it all this year," said the first man. "No way, the Yankees are too good", said the second man. "Well, I've converted to several versions of Christianity and still belong to all of them!" declared the third man, before walking o...

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

Young jew comes to a rabbi

- "Rabbi, I need an advice"
- "What's the problem?"
- "I want to marry a woman"
- "So marry her"
- "But I don't love her"
- "So don't marry her"
- "But she is rich"
- "Then marry her"
- "But she is old"
- "Don't marry her"
- "But her father would make me his business pa...

Two Jewish brothers are walking down the street.

They pass a Protestant church whose sign read "Convert to Christianity, Receive $2000". One of the brothers said "I'm going in there to check this out" His brother says "You can't possibly be thinking about converting to Christianity! This is your people this is your heritage!" his brother says "No ...

Jewish Joke

Old Jewish man on his death bed requests a priest. His family not understand why complies and requests a priest who on arrival is told by the old man that he wishes to convert to Christianity. The family is in disbelief and once the father has left asks the old man why? His replies "well if anyone h...

A boy and a girl were in church.

The teacher was asking them questions.
"Who is the central figure of christianity?" She asks. The boy poked the girl with a sharp pencil to be funny.
"Jesus Christ!" The girl yelled.
"Very good. Now who who created life on earth?" She asked.
The boy poked her again.
"God!" The girl ye...

Islam is not too popular these days.

So Muslims decided to hire the Mulla Nasreddin ad agency. The agency worked day and night. But due to strict new laws on false advertizing, regulators rejected most of their proposals. Finally after much thought the agency came up with the following slogans.

Islam, 2/3 less wrong than Christi...

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

Who's the most 'merican...

Shortly after 9/11, Achmed and Abdul were terrified with what Muslim men had done to their adopted country.


The shaved their beards, changed into western clothes, and made a pact to meet in a years time, and see who had the most "american life".


So a year goes by, and the two ...

I've Studied Various Religions

And here's what I found:

* Christianity was too cross.

* Islam kept dropping bombs on me.

* Buddhism kept repeating itself.

* Hinduism made me have a cow.

* and Judaism made my hair curl.

An old friend told me this...

Three middle aged jewish men are sitting around one afternoon. The first one says, "Oy, I sent my son to Jerusalem and you'll never believe what he did. He came back as an atheist!" The second man says, "Oy, I sent my son to Jerusalem and you'll never believe what he did. He married a Christian!" Th...

I asked my friend what he gave up for lent...

He said Christianity.

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

A Jewish man goes to his rabbi for advice..

"Rabbi, my son is considering turning to Christianity. How may I help him?"

The rabbi responds with "My friend, I too am having this problem. My son refuses to accept Judaism. Let us speak to the district clergy and seek advice together."

The two approach the clergy, and speak to one o...

The pope dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates...

The pope dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates with the gates being shut and St. Peter nowhere to be found. He starts loudly calling for him and finally after a couple of minutes of desperate yelling a white dove flies over to him.

"What do you want, human?" asks the dove in a human voice
<...

Jewish Joke About Warm Weather

ืื—ื™ ื”ื™ื” ืœื™ ื›ืœื›ืš ื—ื ืฉื”ื‘ื˜ื—ืชื™ ืฉืื ื™ืฆื™ืขื• ืœื™ ืœื”ืชื ืฆืจ ื‘ื–ื” ื”ืจื’ืข ืื ื™ ืืขืฉื” ืืช ื–ื” ืจืง ื‘ืฉื‘ื™ืœ ื”ื”ื˜ื‘ืœื”.

Dude. It was so hot, I swear that I'd convert to Christianity for the Baptism.

Avi goes to his rabbi (stop me if this has been posted before; I'm not a subscriber)...

Avi goes to his rabbi and says, "Rabbi Gershenson, I'm at the end of my rope! I have taught my son well, taken him to temple every Sabbath unless he was gravely ill, sent him to yeshiva, yet he tells me that he wants to convert to Christianity. What should I do?"

The rabbi replies, "You're as...

A group of missionaries are traveling through Africa

A group of missionaries are traveling through rural Africa spreading the good news.One day, they find themselves in a town, and before long quite a crowd has gathered.

After preaching the virtues of Christianity for a while, they decide to demonstrate the amazing powers of the lord. "if anyon...

A Short History Lesson

The old missionaries who arrived in the West Indies were the cannibals first taste of Christianity