Why did the author include a page with a computer generated grid in his book?

Because he auto graphed it.

I asked the librarian if she knew of any authors who wrote dinosaur novels.

She said "Try Sarah Topps!"

I met the author of IT yesterday

He told me about the upcoming sequel to the 2018 movie based on the book. Apparently it was called IT chapter 2 and everything. I was stunned, incredulous even. I asked him, "Are you joking?"

He said, "No, I am Stephen King!"

Hey man, did I tell you I saw the author of Harry Potter when I was on ecstasy last night?

J.k. ... Rolling

A 300 page novel with a 50 page introductory essay written by the author walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Why the long preface?"

Too many authors to cite?

No problem et al.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An author with writers block decided to go to the woods to clear his head and write his next great book.

He’s alone for 2 months and making progress. One day, while hiking, he sees a burly woodsman chopping a tree. The woodman waved him over and they chat a bit. The woodsman invites the author over to his cabin for a party. The author thinks it’ll be great, he hasn’t had any company in 2 months.
...

My author friend claims that he ‘accidentally’ glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.

But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.

Who is the Dovahkiin’s favorite author?

Fus Roald Dahl

Did you hear about the author who got half the length of all of his fingers chopped off?

He writes everything in shorthand now

Have a turkish joke

A prisoner goes to the jail's library to borrow a book. The librarian says: "We don't have this book, but we have its author"

Why did the Lord of the Rings author get kicked out of the movie theatre.

He was Tolkien all the way through.

What did the neckbeard call the children's author who was rubbing his back?

*M'Seuss*

A man recently took an author to court after he was sold a book that only contained five words.

He received a short sentence.

The author of what’s been described as “the world’s worst thesaurus” has dismissed the comments.

He’s described the comments as unfair, unfair and unfair.

What do a bad author and a grave robber have in common?

They both create a lot of plotholes.

Did you guys hear about the frog that became a best-selling author?

His work was absolutely ribbiting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A range of alcoholic drinks is being produced named after famous authors

.... Dickens Cider is proving very popular

A renowned book critic heard about a new author that was rapidly gaining in popularity...

Naturally, he decided that he wanted to meet the author. After hours of searching, he finally located the author and scheduled a meeting. He booked a plane to Spain and arrived at the author's house. The author showed him all the books that he had published. There were books about nature, busines...

A mathematician, a college professor, and a textbook author walk into a bar.

*[The punchline is left as an exercise for the reader.]*

I'm actually a very close personal friend of the author of Harry Potter.

jk

As a child I had a medical condition where I had to eat dirt 3 times a day in order to survive

Luckily my older brother told me about it

Credit to comedian Milton Jones, original author of the joke

Turkish gallows humor

A prisoner goes to the prison library, and asks for a specific book. The guard tells him, "we don't have that book... but we do have the author."

What's an author's favorite drink?

Tequila Mockingbird.
(Yes I know it's horrible :P)

Do you know about the Chinese author who wrote a million page book?

It was Wei Tu Long.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everyone knows Charles Dickens as a famous author of great classics. Lesser known is his short-lived Apple Cider business. He had to close it after complaints of unexpected pregnancies.

It may seem strange, but what do you expect when you have Dickens Cider?

What did the erotic novel author get from his editor?

Sticky notes.

What did he get from his publisher?

A hard copy.

You know what they say about citing a source with more than 2 authors..

It's not hard et al.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The author of The Great Gatsby really pisses me off

F Scott Fitzgerald

Breaking Celebrity News! Academy Award winning Actor, Simmons, and children's book Author, Rowling, eloped earlier today.

JK

The author of the book "Childish Retorts" died today.

RIP Ewan Whosarmy

The British are making a monument out of rocks to Harry Potter's author

When finished, it'll be called the Rowling Stones.

Who's the top selling author in Russia?

Salman Rush B

Did you hear about the author who wrote a book during her time of the month?

It was a period piece.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A time traveler meets with an ancient Jewish Bibical author.

After a brief introduction, having convinced the scribe of his identity, the time-traveler launches into an excited speech:

"Rabbi, do you know that in the future, your writings will spawn off other religions that in turn would make most of the world's population adherents of the Abrahamic fa...

What does an author have after they get abdominal surgery?

A semi-colon

What you get if you cross an r/jokes redditor with an author of books about the past?

History repeating itself.

Breaking News: Criminal author gets 5 years in book case

Check out his story!

Why didn't George RR Martin (GOT author) use Twitter?

Because he killed all the 140 characters.

Who was King Author's most well rounded Knight?

Sir Cumference.

Bit of a different post here - an author introduces a joke but never reveals the punchline...anyone heard this joke? Or make up your own punchline?

In *Infinite Jest* by David Foster Wallace, at one point there's a line -

"...asking Mario if he knows what you call three Canadians copulating on a snowmobile."

But he doesn't say the punchline. I'm assuming maybe this is a commonish kinda joke? I've tried to think of what the pu...

How many grad students does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to make the change, but 3 will claim co-authorship.

Did John Knott mind being the only cited author on his group's research paper?

Knott, et al.

An antivaxer has a heart attack. He's rushed to ER, but during the emergency surgery, his heart stops, rendering him clinically dead.

Before he knows it, he's face to face with none other than God himself, Author of the Universe, Maker of All. God smiles beatifically and says, “Don't worry. The doctors working on you are good; you'll be back in no time. But as long as you're here, do you have any questions you'd like to ask?”
<...

Fed up with God's creations, Lucifer decides to lead an army to destroy humanity...

The war had been raging for many years, and humanity was slowly losing. Lucifer could raise a never ending stream of demons, and until he was contained, the fighting would never end.

In order to stop him, God gives the humans a ritual that would seal away Satan forever. The Pope was recruited...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking through the market one day.

He hears a man yelling, "Get your dam fish here!"
The man is puzzled and asks the man, "Why are you saying such bad things about these fish?" The fish vendor laughs and says, "No no, these are DAM fish--as in they were caught near the dam."
"Oh I see," exclaimed the man, "I'll take some dam f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I entered ten puns into a pun contest

I was hoping at least one would win, and in fact seven did. The prize was that they would be published in the local paper.

A week after they were published, I was contacted by a huge publisher that said they liked my puns so much that they offered to pay me an advance to write a book of puns!...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Shane Dawson Joke

Shane Dawson's latest vlog had him reflecting his Youtube career, he stated "You do one song, nobody calls you a singer. You make one movie, nobody calls you a filmmaker. You write one book, nobody calls you an author. But you fuck one cat....."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A book never written: "When Your Dick Gets Almost Completely Severed"

Author: Peter Hanginoff

Racism Today

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days... ever wonder why? A customer walks into an establishment and asks, "In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?" The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"


The guy (clearly offended) says, "Well, yes I am. B...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman asks her most understanding friend for advice before her date.

Her friend asks what she thinks the problem in her love life is.

"Well, they tend to leave as soon as I start talking about politics. It's a part of my identity and I just can't help it."

The friend advises her to say everything in her head and judge whether it's political before sayin...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.