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Stuart Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stuart is having a beer at a bar when he feels the sudden urge to shit. He goes to the bathroom sits down on the pot when the guy in the toilet next to him says, "hey," through the dividing wall. A bit apprehensive, Stuart says, "Hello?"

The guys asks, "how's it going" to which Stuart responds, "I'm sorry, do I know you?" The guy now responds in an annoyed tone, "dude let me call you back, the schmuck in the stall next to me thinks we're having a conversation."

Jimmy Saville, Rolf Harris & Stuart Hall walk into a pub in Ireland.

Barman says “not yew tree again”

An officer pulls over a man and a woman for driving their late-model Mercedes coupe 20 miles per hour over the posted speed limit.

The officer approaches the car, seeing an affluent-looking late-50s gentleman behind the wheel and a striking woman at least 20 years younger—and bearing a diamond on her left ring finger worth at least a year of the officer's salary—in the passenger seat.

"I stopped you because you were goin...

I was going to have a son and name him based on his intelligence

On the day he was born, it wasn't yet clear whether he'd be stupid or smart...

So we named him Stuart

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Miss Davies wants to teach her class about Hearsay, so they enact a game of "Telephone"

She arranges the students in a circle and turns to her first student, Peter. She whispers "The box jellyfish has 24 eyes, and a lifespan of less than one year" to Peter and tells him to pass the message on. As she watched the message being passed on, she noted the subtle look of enlightenment in eac...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rich man impregnates his girlfriend

A rich man impregnates his girlfriend, and this angers her father. To set everything right, the father invites her boyfriend over. The man arrives in a Lamborghini and steps out in a Stuart Hughes suit, and then walks into the house.

"Is this the pig that got my daughter pregnant?" The fathe...

My girlfriend says I've got commitment issues....

Well she's not really my girlfriend, more of a wife.

-Stuart Francis

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