What are the two possible things that can happen when a ghost writer dies?

He becomes a ghost-ghost writer
Or...
Drake's career ends either of the two.

How many Forbes writers does it take to make a good, solid tech article?

You’re in for a nasty surprise -
No one knows yet. But we’re keeping count.

Did you hear that the writer of the Hokey Cokey has died?

The family are struggling to get him buried though, they can’t get him in the coffin...

It all started when they tried to get his left leg in

The Prime Minister's speech writer has resigned.

He's speechless.

TIL that the writer Stephen King has a son named Joe...

I’m not joking, but he is...

What does the writer suffer from each spring?

A case of allegories

The guy who wrote the song 'In Too Deep' missed out on the 'best writer of a rock song' award.

Most of the judges said he lost, but Sum41.

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2- One to screw it in most of the way, and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.

A Buzzfeed writer walks into a bar...

You won't BELIEVE what they asked for!

Why are writers really good at coding?

Because they are really into Pro grammar.

I thought you were a great writer...

JK

I realize the writer of the Iliad and the Odyssey was better than me every time I enter my house

I am home, but he was Homer.

Being a writer is enjoyable...

But the job of editor is more rewording.

I electrified the toilet of a clickbait writer

No. 1 will shock him.

Being a writer keeps me in great physical shape

I'm always running out of ideas.

Which writer would you expect to find in a thermometer?

HG Wells.

Did you hear about the famous writer who turned out to be a fraud?

His life had its prose and cons.

A goalkeeper and a striker are arguing over who's the better writer in their soccer team.

Their argument becomes so heated that their coach suggests that they do an essay-writing competition. The two teammates agree.

The next day, the two of them are told to spend 2 hours typing an essay on the team's history and tactics on two old-fashioned desktop computers with attached printer...

A clickbait writer dies and goes to hell.

And you won't **BELIEVE** what happens next!

What do you call a well slept, well fed writer?

Content writer

What did Melania Trump say to her speech writer?

Thanks, Obama.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A New York writer is tired of all the people and noise of the big city

He believes that a quiet place will help him focus so that he can finish his novel. The man moves to an island in Northern Europe with pasture as far as the eye can see and no other houses for miles. After a year of writing he starts to feel lonely. Then, he hears a booming knock on his door. When h...

A BuzzFeed writer walks into a bar...

95% of americans were shocked to find out what happened next.

Three buzzfeed writers walk into a bar

You won't believe what happens next!

What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself?

One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.

How many Buzzfeed writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

13\. Number 9 will shock you!

"I am a writer!" - "And already sold something?"

"Yes, my house and my car."

What's the best college degree to become a successful fiction writer?

Journalism!

I told my old classmate at our 10-year reunion that I'm a writer. "Oh yeah?" he asks. "Have you sold anything yet?"

I said, "Sure. My house, my car, and all my stuff."

I'm a writer

My pen name is Bic

A hungry lion roamed through the jungle looking for his next meal when he came upon two men.

One man was sitting under a tree reading a book. The other man was writing in a notebook. The lion quickly pounced in the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that reader's digest and writers cramp.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My favourite porn category is the one where girls quote 19th century Irish writers

Girls Gone Wilde.

Why do writers hate the bible?

It has terrible characters, Noah is the only one with an arc.

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level. Stuff that will make them scream, cry, and howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

Why do writers always feel cold?

Because they are surrounded by drafts!

Who was the famous writer, that died in WWII?

I don't know Anne Frankly I don't care.

Did you hear about the guy who had writers block?

He stopped writing and it was

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How to you piss off a writer?

The list off ways is to long too fit hear.

What's the motto of the American Writers Guild?

YOU ESSAY! YOU ESSAY!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two smut writers get together...

That night there was a lot of fanfriction.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.

She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.

"Oh my," said the writer. "Let me see heaven now."

A ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

As a writer, I often correct grammar online and get called a Grammar Nazi because of it.

I'm not a Grammar Nazi, okay? I'm just alt-literate.

What did the writer say when he glued himself to his book?

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

How does a Buzzfeed writer catch fish?

Clickbait.

Did you hear about the writer that became a tailor?

He had to make an Ernest living, the Hemingway.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's a pedophile's favorite writer?

dickinson.
^^^sorry.

My friend from Prague is a writer.

He likes to use Spellczech.

Did you hear about the writer who brought peace to the Middle East?

He had a way with Kurds.

What do bad writers use to pick up hot pans?

Plot Holders.

So a cinematographer, writer, and production designer walk into a bar....

and the director takes all the credit.

What's the difference between a park bench and a writer?

A park bench can support a family.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Charles Dickens had writer's block…

He had a contract due for a new novel, but he hadn't even thought of a title yet. He went into the local pub and asked the barman for a Martini.

"Olive, or twist?"

High Noon

An old west dime novel writer is out looking for a good story when he wanders into a saloon. He sees a group of rough rider lookin' scoundrels playing poker and he musters up enough courage to sit down with 'em (thinkin' he might get a story out if he was lucky). "Mind if I play?"

The others ...

What does a writer hope to get in a Christmas cracker?

A Pull-it-surprise!

Did you know that William Shakespeare died on the same day he was born?

He must have been a fast writer!

A bald man walks into a bar...

He approaches the barkeeper and tells him

"I have something in my pocket that I will show you. If you swear you've never seen anything like it before, I'll have free drinks all night"

The barkeeper, in his mid fifties, who has clearly seen a lot in his life, agrees with a nod.

T...

Just heard Barrack Obama's main writer has been killed..

Sources reporting that he is currently speechless.

And actor, a director and a writer walk into a bar.

A director, an actor and a writer walk into a bar.

A sign hanging over the bar proclaims an amateur bull-fighting tournament; where a winner can walk away with a load of gold.

The director races to the bullring, confident in winning the bullion. He sets up lights all over the ring and ...

What is the difference between a horror fiction writer and a disabled physicist?

Haw

What do you do with an elephant with three balls?

Walk him and pitch to the rhino.


- Credit to the writers of 'Hot Shots'.

"I'm NOT a window cleaner!"

(Inspired by IT crowd)

One gloomy day in London a man by the name of Roy walks in a park, taking a short break from his job in an IT department. Suprisingly, he runs into an old school friend named Alister during his walk, and they catch up. Alister is a local writer for a very famous publish...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Gay son

Three succesful men met up in a restaurant for dinner. First one started to talk "You know how my son is a succesful writer?" both men agreed "well he is soo succesful that he bought his best friend a brand new yacht worth 5 million dollars for his birthday last week." both men congratulated him.Sec...

What do you call a neighbourhood full of idle novelists?

Writer's block.

A newly published novelist wrote in her blog that her 100,000-word thriller got her $1,000,000 from her publisher.

She brags at a party that her words are worth $10 each. A slightly drunk guy walks up, confronts her by the bar, plots down $10 and says “OK, wise ass, give me one of those $10 words.” The writer calmly stuffs the bill in her pocket and says “thanks” and walks away.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a grammar Nazi in 2016?

An alt-writer.

A gorgeous woman doing stand-up at a comedy club

....and she's not doing so well. It's not that her delivery or stage presence is bad. It's simply because she's using extremely tired and outdated material. To put it frankly, the audience was sick and tired of hearing the same damn jokes that had been told time after time on that stage.

Afte...

Subscribe (Verb) - to obtain or have a subscription to a publication, concert series, service, etc.

Subscribe (Noun) - a very obedient writer

What does the narcissistic cow say?

"Meeeeee!"

I wrote this.
I'm now a comedy writer.
You are welcome.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Sir Arthur and the case of brief case identity

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab in Paris..!
.
Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked,
.
"Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?"

Doyle was flabbergasted.....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

New York police officers helped a black woman deliver a baby on the side of the road

Said one officer, “Come out with your hands up!”


- Seth Myers / Writers

ENGLISH IS A FUNNY LANGUAGE

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant not ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English fo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[Long] A rich dad came up to his young, well-respected son.

Dad: Son, you really need money. You're well-respected, but not smart, and you're never going to get a job. I know you would never do anything to hurt a minority, and I'm going into retirement soon so I'll make a bet. I'll give you a million dollars if you call that girl a slut, and then call that ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The best poet

All the world's finest poets, writers, bards and linguists were gathered in a competition to determine the best among them. After a week of competing, the finalists left standing were a rabbi and an Australian shepherd. Their final task was to improvise a rhyme containing the word 'Timbuktu'.
...

Common synonyms of unemployed.

Writer, blogger, and activist.

A novellist walks into a publisher's

A man walks into a publisher's with the first novel he's ever written, knowing the publisher is keen. "Right!", he says to the publisher comfortably. "I want three things; I want to make lots of money, I want it translated into 15 languages, and I want it to be republished for the rest of time!"
...