What do you call a writer who doesn't follow the rules of sentence structure?

A rebel without a clause

Three writers, Al, Ben, and Carl, who were attending a writing convention, booked a room on the 75th floor of a hotel.

When they arrived back at the hotel from the convention, the receptionist told them, "I'm terribly sorry, but the elevator is broken. In the meantime, you will have to take the stairs."

Now, Al was a writer of funny stories, Ben was a writer of scary stories, and Carl was a writer of sad stor...

My teenage daughter can't decide whether she wants to be a hairdresser or a short story writer...

I guess she'll have to flip a coin....

Heads or Tales.

What did the drug-addict writer say when his wife told him to come to bed?

Let me finish this one line.

Farmers would make great writers.

They really know how to work a plot.

An old dime store novel writer walks into a saloon...

An old west dime novel writer is out looking for a good story when he wanders into a saloon. He sees a group of rough rider lookin' scoundrels playing poker and he musters up enough courage to sit down with 'em (thinkin' he might get a story out if he was lucky). "Mind if I play?"

The others ...

How many Buzzfeed writers does it take to start an electric chair?

13, but #9 will shock you!

Did you hear about the writer who became a baker?

They say he makes excellent synonym rolls.

How many mystery writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in most of the way and another to give it a surprise twist at the end.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met a Harry Potter fanfic writer. But their writting was very boring, they were just retelling the original plot in other words. I recommended them to take a break, read something different for new perspective/inspiration, and then try again.

They took my advice and then month later they sent me draft of the first chapter of their new fanfic.

"-You know Harry, Ron said. I'm not really Irish. I'm actually Jewish.

-Then I have something to tell you too, Harry said, smiling. This train isn't really going to Hogwarts."

...

What happens if a writer drinks too much and writes too little?

His iron-y becomes rust-y

what do you call a place where everyone's a writer?

a writer's block.

2 buzzfeed writers walked into a bar

What happened next will blow your minds!

What do writers have for breakfast?

Synonym buns

David wanted to be a writer!

There was once this young man who professed his desire to become a great writer. Say hello to David. When asked what he wanted to write, David would say with great enthusiasm, " I want to write stuff that the whole world will read. Stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level. Stuff th...

As a lumberjack starts his chainsaw he hears the tree begin to cry. “Please don’t cut me down!” The tree pleads, “I’ll do anything!” The lumberjack says, “Fine! If you can solve this impossible riddle that has fooled some of the greatest minds from doctors, writers to philosophers, I’ll spare you.”

The tree was stumped.

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I often wonder what hentai writers go through. They create characters who get fucked for about 20 minutes before they get scrapped.

Must get harder every time.

Early in the development of the Clone Wars show the writers wanted Obi Wan to forgive Darth Mail for killing his master and befriend him.

They decided to let Qui-Gons be bygones.

Have you heard about the rappers ghost writer going to jail

He was behind bars

I often get asked what it's like to work as both a writer and a scammer...

I just say that it has its own Prose and Cons

As a writer, my vocabulary is excellent, but my spelling is lacking...

... I thought as I gazed at the squiggly red line beneath the word solemly.

An SEO writer walks into a

{ bar | pub | public house | drinking establishment }

This winter will be like winters in Game of Thrones

Where the script writers make things up as they go along

Did you hear about the crime-fighting vigilante who retired to write crime novels?

She's now a writer of wrongs

Why don't escaped convicts make good writers?

Because they never finish their sentences

How many Buzzfeed writers would use a taser on you?

We asked 20 of them, and number seven may shock you.

What has 15 actors, four settings, two writers, and one plot?

632 Hallmark movies.

How many GoT plot writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

What do you call a classical writer with Parkinson's and a drinking problem?

Shakesbeer.

I got fired from being an eulogy writer. Because the only thing I wrote was “plethora.”

I thought it meant a lot to a lot of people.

I made a YouTube video about the violence I endured as a writer on board a U-boat

Just hit subscribe.

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One day a new stage play was released that was supposed to be the #1 comedy of the year.

Unfortunately from the get go it had poor reviews frequently stating that it just wasn't that funny. The writer of the script was at a loss and was getting ready to cancel the show when his friend called.

He told him he had just watched the show and true to the reviews it was pretty terrible...

Why do women date witty writers? NSFW

Because they enjoy cunning linguists.

Roaming Zombie

A zombie was roaming through the woods looking for something to eat.

He came across two men - one sitting under a tree and reading a book, & the other typing away on his typewriter.

The zombie quickly pounced on the man reading the book and started to devour him.

Because eve...

What do you call the part of the city where unsuccessful writers live?

The writers' block.

What did Melania Trump say to her speech writer?

Thanks, Obama.

What dinosaur is a writer's best friend?

Thesaurus

I realize the writer of the Iliad and the Odyssey was better than me every time I enter my house

I am home, but he was Homer.

What are the two possible things that can happen when a ghost writer dies?

He becomes a ghost-ghost writer
Or...
Drake's career ends either of the two.

TIL that the writer Stephen King has a son named Joe...

I’m not joking, but he is...

The mining industry wants to put out a radio advert to help with recruitment. They hire a jingle writer, and he asks them what key he should write it in.

They said: "B minor".

I told my old classmate at our 10-year reunion that I'm a writer. "Oh yeah?" he asks. "Have you sold anything yet?"

I said, "Sure. My house, my car, and all my stuff."

What's it like to be an aspiring writer?

It's difficult to put into words.

Sell books

A well-known writer is going to visit the bookstore. The bookstore owner was flattered and quickly removed all the books and replaced them with the authors' books. After the writer came to the bookstore, he was very happy and asked, "Does your store only sell my books?"

"Of course not." The b...

How many Forbes writers does it take to make a good, solid tech article?

You’re in for a nasty surprise -
No one knows yet. But we’re keeping count.

What does the writer suffer from each spring?

A case of allegories

My Gramps just passed away. This was his favorite joke to tell.

*Sorry for the meta of this, I'm still reeling a little. I post two or three (or ten--sorry for breaking rules) jokes on this sub every day. A lot of them are simply awful, but they're all original, and my Gramps was a huge inspiration for me becoming a comedy "writer." But this is an old joke, and ...

What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself?

One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.

The Prime Minister's speech writer has resigned.

He's speechless.

A bartender walks into a joke writers convention.

No joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A New York writer is tired of all the people and noise of the big city

He believes that a quiet place will help him focus so that he can finish his novel. The man moves to an island in Northern Europe with pasture as far as the eye can see and no other houses for miles. After a year of writing he starts to feel lonely. Then, he hears a booming knock on his door. When h...

Which writer would you expect to find in a thermometer?

HG Wells.

Being a writer keeps me in great physical shape

I'm always running out of ideas.

Why do writers hate the bible?

It has terrible characters, Noah is the only one with an arc.

The guy who wrote the song 'In Too Deep' missed out on the 'best writer of a rock song' award.

Most of the judges said he lost, but Sum41.

I electrified the toilet of a clickbait writer

No. 1 will shock him.

What do you call a Russian cat that interrupts a movie?

A blue-purr.

Curtesy of my 9 year old joke writer.

Being a writer is enjoyable...

But the job of editor is more rewording.

A clickbait writer dies and goes to hell.

And you won't **BELIEVE** what happens next!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favourite porn category is the one where girls quote 19th century Irish writers

Girls Gone Wilde.

What did the writer say when he glued himself to his book?

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

A writer from the New York Times submits an article about Bernie Sanders but it is denied.

(First post here. Sorry if it sucks)

Writer: What??? I put my heart and soul into this article? What was wrong with it?

His boss: Oh, the paper’s fine, it’s just full of grammatical errors.

Writer: Like what?

His boss: Well, for example, you didn’t capitalize “Bernie Sand...

What's the best college degree to become a successful fiction writer?

Journalism!

Why are writers really good at coding?

Because they are really into Pro grammar.

Why do writers always feel cold?

Because they are surrounded by drafts!

"I am a writer!" - "And already sold something?"

"Yes, my house and my car."

What do you call an uncredited writer in urban northwest Pennsylvania?

An Erie ghost writer.

I'm a writer

My pen name is Bic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to you piss off a writer?

The list off ways is to long too fit hear.

How does a Buzzfeed writer catch fish?

Clickbait.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A retired astronaut and dabbling writer gets a call from NASA

NASA asks the astronaut to help with the international space station, as he is the only one who knows how to fix the system that needs repairs. The man, a fan of old fashioned writing, requires NASA to let him bring his typewriter on the mission as his one condition to come out of retirement.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.

She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.

"Oh my," said the writer. "Let me see heaven now."

A ...

I write songs about sewing machines...

I'm a singer song writer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two smut writers get together...

That night there was a lot of fanfriction.

A goalkeeper and a striker are arguing over who's the better writer in their soccer team.

Their argument becomes so heated that their coach suggests that they do an essay-writing competition. The two teammates agree.

The next day, the two of them are told to spend 2 hours typing an essay on the team's history and tactics on two old-fashioned desktop computers with attached printer...

I Started Watching A New Series During Lockdown

It's a series about how a respiratory illness spread throughout the world in 2019 and 2020, and damaged many economies, as well as caused many people to lose their lives...the illness is even said to have originated in China. Despite similarities, the writers say it's not based on the novel, *Corona...

Did you hear about the writer that became a tailor?

He had to make an Ernest living, the Hemingway.

What's the motto of the American Writers Guild?

YOU ESSAY! YOU ESSAY!

What do bad writers use to pick up hot pans?

Plot Holders.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a writer, I often correct grammar online and get called a Grammar Nazi because of it.

I'm not a Grammar Nazi, okay? I'm just alt-literate.

Why can't women be writers?

They're afraid of periods.

Why do Vampires hate Writers?

Because they hate Type O's

My friend from Prague is a writer.

He likes to use Spellczech.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's a pedophile's favorite writer?

dickinson.
^^^sorry.

Why couldn't Donald Trump be a successful song writer?

Because every good song has a bridge, not a wall.

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