What do you call a writer who doesn't follow the rules of sentence structure?

A rebel without a clause

What has 27 actors, three settings, two writers, and one plot?

671 Hallmark movies.

Why don't escaped convicts make good writers?

Because they never finish their sentences

Three writers, Al, Ben, and Carl, who were attending a writing convention, booked a room on the 75th floor of a hotel.

When they arrived back at the hotel from the convention, the receptionist told them, "I'm terribly sorry, but the elevator is broken. In the meantime, you will have to take the stairs."

Now, Al was a writer of funny stories, Ben was a writer of scary stories, and Carl was a writer of sad stor...

Lets face it English is a stupid language There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England

French Fries Were Not Invented In France.

We Sometimes Take English For Granted

But If We Examine Its Paradoxes We Find That:

Quicksand Takes You Down Slowly

Boxing Rings Are Square

And A Guinea Pig Is Neither From Guinea Nor Is It A Pig.

If Writers Write, H...

What dinosaur is a writer's best friend?

Thesaurus

How many Buzzfeed writers does it take to turn on an electric chair?

Ten. But number four will shock you.

I wanna be a fiction writer later in life.

So I'm studying journalism.

What has 12 writers, 20 actors, and 3 plots?

The Hallmark Channel

What's the difference between a 19th Century shipwright and a 21st Century fan fic writer?

One tries to fit as many cannons as they can onto a ship. The other tries to fit as many ships as they can into canon.

I’m impressed by my favorite writer’s use of conjunctions.

She has a very nice but.

what do erotica writers and twitter trolls have in common?

They both write stuff just to get a rise out of people.

What do you get if you point a gun at a writer ?

A sentence.

Why isn’t blood a good writer??

Because of all the Type-Os.


Not sure if this has been posted before but I thought of it while at my desk and was proud of it cause it made me chuckle lol.

A writer was prosecuted for a short story he wrote

They gave him a long sentence.

My teenage daughter can't decide whether she wants to be a hairdresser or a short story writer...

I guess she'll have to flip a coin....

Heads or Tales.

As a lumberjack starts his chainsaw he hears the tree begin to cry. “Please don’t cut me down!” The tree pleads, “I’ll do anything!” The lumberjack says, “Fine! If you can solve this impossible riddle that has fooled some of the greatest minds from doctors, writers to philosophers, I’ll spare you.”

The tree was stumped.

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American writer Dorothy Parker was once asked "Why don't you go to church on sunday?"

She replied: "I'm too fucking busy and vice versa."

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A writer moves to a rural area so he can focus on his writing without distractions

After getting settled in he sits down to start writing and is immediately disturbed by a knock on the door.

He answers to door to find an old scraggly looking man in dirty overalls, with very few teeth, and a long unkempt beard. The old man looks very excited to see him.


Howdy ne...

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Why are creative character writers so good in bed?

……because they really know how to pen a trait!

What brand of camera a fanfiction writer owns?

A Canon Camera

Dominatrix author onlyfans creator seeks a fellow writer to be my sub

Basically I need a sub-scriber

Netflix writers have so many different shows to deal with...

They have trouble keeping all their characters straight.

Farmers would make great writers.

They really know how to work a plot.

Did you hear about the writer who became a baker?

They say he makes excellent synonym rolls.

How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and the other to give it an unexpected twist at the end.

EDIT: Thank you for the silver!

EDIT AGAIN: Thank you for the gold and platinum! I am honored!

How many writers for "The Simpsons" does is take to change a lightbulb?

None. They won't admit that it burnt out 15 years ago!

Stephen Fry once told this joke on "QI"

There is a story about the Bloomsbury Group writer Lytton Strachey who was a 'confirmed bachelor', as they used to put it. He was also a conscientious objector and a pacifist. He appeared before the conscientious objection board. It was their job to quiz him on whether he actually was a true pa...

I told my old classmate at our 10-year reunion that I'm a writer. "Oh yeah?" he asks. "Have you sold anything yet?"

I said, "Sure. My house, my car, and all my stuff."

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A politician, drug dealer, beekeeper, priest, doctor, lawyer, accountant, engineer, prostitute, programmer, nurse, chef, forensic analyst, biologist, truck driver and a writer walk into a bar

It is a big bar. Very big one. And empty, or at least it was empty until this large group of people entered it.

They all form a queue in front of the bar and order drinks one by one. The politician gets a Heineken, the drug dealer orders a Budweiser, the beekeeper gets a mead, the priest buy...

“What is the limerick writer’s favourite pop group?”

AABBA

Someone told me about that manga writer who died recently

I heard his whole fanbase is going Berserk

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Karen loves astrology

Karen: Doctor, I've not been feeling well lately

Doctor: Well, I've looked at your lab reports and I'm afraid I have some bad news...

Karen: Don't give me this lab nonsense, you bureaucratic paper pusher! I don't believe Western medicine anyways! I've been following homeopathic medicin...

What happened to the Professional Writer who had bowel surgery?

He ended up with a semi-colon.

I got kicked out of our Writers Block support group today

It made me really

As an author I was excited about moving into a neighborhood with exclusively author residents...

But I've come to regret it, now I'm constantly in a writers block.

As a writer, my vocabulary is excellent, but my spelling is lacking...

... I thought as I gazed at the squiggly red line beneath the word solemly.

How many GoT plot writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

"Two steaks please", I asked the writer. "Rare for me, medium rare for my friend."

He brought us a lovely bit of panda and a nice chunk of giraffe.

What did the drug-addict writer say when his wife told him to come to bed?

Let me finish this one line.

If you're funny but you suck at delivery, what do you do?

... you become a writer.

2 buzzfeed writers walked into a bar

What happened next will blow your minds!

what do you call a place where everyone's a writer?

a writer's block.

What do you call a classical writer with Parkinson's and a drinking problem?

Shakesbeer.

I realize the writer of the Iliad and the Odyssey was better than me every time I enter my house

I am home, but he was Homer.

Being a writer keeps me in great physical shape

I'm always running out of ideas.

Aspirations

A young boy one day decided to make his desire to become a big writer.

"I want to write things that the people will read all around the world, something that the people will react with a very high emotional level such as scream, cry, get mad and make them suffer" He said.

Now he works ...

Have you heard about the rappers ghost writer going to jail

He was behind bars

Why God? Why?

One day a fellow was watching Fox News and learned about a new virus that was rapidly spreading and quickly killing those who got sick with it. The nightly news reports got worse and worse, this Covid-19 virus was spreading around the world and killing increasingly large numbers of people. But he wa...

A Buzzfeed writer walks into a bar...

You won't BELIEVE what they asked for!

David wanted to be a writer!

There was once this young man who professed his desire to become a great writer. Say hello to David. When asked what he wanted to write, David would say with great enthusiasm, " I want to write stuff that the whole world will read. Stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level. Stuff th...

What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself?

One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.

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A New York writer is tired of all the people and noise of the big city

He believes that a quiet place will help him focus so that he can finish his novel. The man moves to an island in Northern Europe with pasture as far as the eye can see and no other houses for miles. After a year of writing he starts to feel lonely. Then, he hears a booming knock on his door. When h...

TIL that the writer Stephen King has a son named Joe...

I’m not joking, but he is...

Why do writers hate the bible?

It has terrible characters, Noah is the only one with an arc.

What did the writer say when he glued himself to his book?

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

My Gramps just passed away. This was his favorite joke to tell.

*Sorry for the meta of this, I'm still reeling a little. I post two or three (or ten--sorry for breaking rules) jokes on this sub every day. A lot of them are simply awful, but they're all original, and my Gramps was a huge inspiration for me becoming a comedy "writer." But this is an old joke, and ...

What did Melania Trump say to her speech writer?

Thanks, Obama.

Early in the development of the Clone Wars show the writers wanted Obi Wan to forgive Darth Mail for killing his master and befriend him.

They decided to let Qui-Gons be bygones.

I often get asked what it's like to work as both a writer and a scammer...

I just say that it has its own Prose and Cons

I got fired from being an eulogy writer. Because the only thing I wrote was “plethora.”

I thought it meant a lot to a lot of people.

What's the best college degree to become a successful fiction writer?

Journalism!

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My favourite porn category is the one where girls quote 19th century Irish writers

Girls Gone Wilde.

Being a writer is enjoyable...

But the job of editor is more rewording.

The mining industry wants to put out a radio advert to help with recruitment. They hire a jingle writer, and he asks them what key he should write it in.

They said: "B minor".

How many Buzzfeed writers would use a taser on you?

We asked 20 of them, and number seven may shock you.

What's it like to be an aspiring writer?

It's difficult to put into words.

What are the two possible things that can happen when a ghost writer dies?

He becomes a ghost-ghost writer
Or...
Drake's career ends either of the two.

Why do writers always feel cold?

Because they are surrounded by drafts!

Which writer would you expect to find in a thermometer?

HG Wells.

What does the writer suffer from each spring?

A case of allegories

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A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.

She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.

"Oh my," said the writer. "Let me see heaven now."

A ...

I made a YouTube video about the violence I endured as a writer on board a U-boat

Just hit subscribe.

A man named Isaac and a famous science fiction writer sit in a bar.

Isaac says to the science fiction writer, "who are you?"
The writer replies: "I am Isaac."
Delighted at the coincidence, Isaac says "As am I!"
The writer frowns and shakes his head. "No, Asim*ov*."

How many Forbes writers does it take to make a good, solid tech article?

You’re in for a nasty surprise -
No one knows yet. But we’re keeping count.

In the middle of his administration, President Trump went to give a speech to a prison…

Trump’s speech writer had everything ready for him except for the opening line.

“How about ‘My fellow Americans..’” Trump suggested.
“I’m sorry Mr. President but many prisoners may be of foreign nationality.” His speech writer warned.

“Okay. Then ‘My fellow citizens…’”

“I’...

The Prime Minister's speech writer has resigned.

He's speechless.

A bartender walks into a joke writers convention.

No joke.

A clickbait writer dies and goes to hell.

And you won't **BELIEVE** what happens next!

"I am a writer!" - "And already sold something?"

"Yes, my house and my car."

I electrified the toilet of a clickbait writer

No. 1 will shock him.

I'm having a really tough time coming up with new phrases to put onto custom cutting boards...

I guess I have writer's block.

How does a Buzzfeed writer catch fish?

Clickbait.

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How to you piss off a writer?

The list off ways is to long too fit hear.

What do you call an uncredited writer in urban northwest Pennsylvania?

An Erie ghost writer.

I'm a writer

My pen name is Bic

Did you hear about the writer that became a tailor?

He had to make an Ernest living, the Hemingway.

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Two smut writers get together...

That night there was a lot of fanfriction.

A writer from the New York Times submits an article about Bernie Sanders but it is denied.

(First post here. Sorry if it sucks)

Writer: What??? I put my heart and soul into this article? What was wrong with it?

His boss: Oh, the paper’s fine, it’s just full of grammatical errors.

Writer: Like what?

His boss: Well, for example, you didn’t capitalize “Bernie Sand...

The guy who wrote the song 'In Too Deep' missed out on the 'best writer of a rock song' award.

Most of the judges said he lost, but Sum41.

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A retired astronaut and dabbling writer gets a call from NASA

NASA asks the astronaut to help with the international space station, as he is the only one who knows how to fix the system that needs repairs. The man, a fan of old fashioned writing, requires NASA to let him bring his typewriter on the mission as his one condition to come out of retirement.
...

What do bad writers use to pick up hot pans?

Plot Holders.

What's the difference between wit and a joke?

A young filmmaker excited to be part of his first film festival is attending a talk between a director and a writer. At the end of the talk he gets up and shouts out, "If I could ask a question, what's the difference between wit and a joke?"

The writer looks at him for a second, picks up his...

A goalkeeper and a striker are arguing over who's the better writer in their soccer team.

Their argument becomes so heated that their coach suggests that they do an essay-writing competition. The two teammates agree.

The next day, the two of them are told to spend 2 hours typing an essay on the team's history and tactics on two old-fashioned desktop computers with attached printer...

Why can't women be writers?

They're afraid of periods.

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