How many GoT plot writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and the other to give it an unexpected twist at the end.

EDIT: Thank you for the silver!

EDIT AGAIN: Thank you for the gold and platinum! I am honored!

Why is the German writer always starving?

Because he is paid by the word.

2 buzzfeed writers walked into a bar

What happened next will blow your minds!

How many Forbes writers does it take to make a good, solid tech article?

You’re in for a nasty surprise -
No one knows yet. But we’re keeping count.

The Prime Minister's speech writer has resigned.

He's speechless.

Did you hear that the writer of the Hokey Cokey has died?

The family are struggling to get him buried though, they can’t get him in the coffin...

It all started when they tried to get his left leg in

I thought you were a great writer...

JK

TIL that the writer Stephen King has a son named Joe...

I’m not joking, but he is...

I realize the writer of the Iliad and the Odyssey was better than me every time I enter my house

I am home, but he was Homer.

What are the two possible things that can happen when a ghost writer dies?

He becomes a ghost-ghost writer
Or...
Drake's career ends either of the two.

A bartender walks into a joke writers convention.

No joke.

What does the writer suffer from each spring?

A case of allegories

The guy who wrote the song 'In Too Deep' missed out on the 'best writer of a rock song' award.

Most of the judges said he lost, but Sum41.

Why are writers really good at coding?

Because they are really into Pro grammar.

I electrified the toilet of a clickbait writer

No. 1 will shock him.

Being a writer is enjoyable...

But the job of editor is more rewording.

Being a writer keeps me in great physical shape

I'm always running out of ideas.

A clickbait writer dies and goes to hell.

And you won't **BELIEVE** what happens next!

A Buzzfeed writer walks into a bar...

You won't BELIEVE what they asked for!

What did Melania Trump say to her speech writer?

Thanks, Obama.

Which writer would you expect to find in a thermometer?

HG Wells.

A goalkeeper and a striker are arguing over who's the better writer in their soccer team.

Their argument becomes so heated that their coach suggests that they do an essay-writing competition. The two teammates agree.

The next day, the two of them are told to spend 2 hours typing an essay on the team's history and tactics on two old-fashioned desktop computers with attached printer...

What do you call a well slept, well fed writer?

Content writer

"I am a writer!" - "And already sold something?"

"Yes, my house and my car."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A New York writer is tired of all the people and noise of the big city

He believes that a quiet place will help him focus so that he can finish his novel. The man moves to an island in Northern Europe with pasture as far as the eye can see and no other houses for miles. After a year of writing he starts to feel lonely. Then, he hears a booming knock on his door. When h...

Did you hear about the famous writer who turned out to be a fraud?

His life had its prose and cons.

A BuzzFeed writer walks into a bar...

95% of americans were shocked to find out what happened next.

What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself?

One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.

I told my old classmate at our 10-year reunion that I'm a writer. "Oh yeah?" he asks. "Have you sold anything yet?"

I said, "Sure. My house, my car, and all my stuff."

How many Buzzfeed writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

13\. Number 9 will shock you!

What's the best college degree to become a successful fiction writer?

Journalism!

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "Great" he said,
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

I'm a writer

My pen name is Bic

What do you call an uncredited writer in urban northwest Pennsylvania?

An Erie ghost writer.

A retired astronaut and dabbling writer gets a call from NASA

NASA asks the astronaut to help with the international space station, as he is the only one who knows how to fix the system that needs repairs. The man, a fan of old fashioned writing, requires NASA to let him bring his typewriter on the mission as his one condition to come out of retirement.
...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My favourite porn category is the one where girls quote 19th century Irish writers

Girls Gone Wilde.

A hungry lion roamed through the jungle looking for his next meal when he came upon two men.

One man was sitting under a tree reading a book. The other man was writing in a notebook. The lion quickly pounced in the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that reader's digest and writers cramp.

Why do writers hate the bible?

It has terrible characters, Noah is the only one with an arc.

Why do writers always feel cold?

Because they are surrounded by drafts!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My favorite english writer is Dickens

JK Rowling

Did you hear about the guy who had writers block?

He stopped writing and it was

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How to you piss off a writer?

The list off ways is to long too fit hear.

What's the motto of the American Writers Guild?

YOU ESSAY! YOU ESSAY!

The writers and the director all sit down to plot out the new Thor movie

The director asks, "Ok guys what do you think we should do for a villain?"

One writer responds, "Well I had idea for a flamboyantly-colored, three-headed dragon that shoots fire and speaks in riddles."

The director sighs, "That's way too much, let's keep the villain low key."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two smut writers get together...

That night there was a lot of fanfriction.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

As a writer, I often correct grammar online and get called a Grammar Nazi because of it.

I'm not a Grammar Nazi, okay? I'm just alt-literate.

What did the writer say when he glued himself to his book?

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

How does a Buzzfeed writer catch fish?

Clickbait.

What do bad writers use to pick up hot pans?

Plot Holders.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.

She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.

"Oh my," said the writer. "Let me see heaven now."

A ...

Did you hear about the writer that became a tailor?

He had to make an Ernest living, the Hemingway.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's a pedophile's favorite writer?

dickinson.
^^^sorry.

My friend from Prague is a writer.

He likes to use Spellczech.

Did you hear about the writer who brought peace to the Middle East?

He had a way with Kurds.

What's another name for a ghost writer?

A prose-titute.

So a cinematographer, writer, and production designer walk into a bar....

and the director takes all the credit.

Why do Vampires hate Writers?

Because they hate Type O's

Just heard Barrack Obama's main writer has been killed..

Sources reporting that he is currently speechless.

What's the difference between a park bench and a writer?

A park bench can support a family.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Charles Dickens had writer's block…

He had a contract due for a new novel, but he hadn't even thought of a title yet. He went into the local pub and asked the barman for a Martini.

"Olive, or twist?"

What does a writer hope to get in a Christmas cracker?

A Pull-it-surprise!

And actor, a director and a writer walk into a bar.

A director, an actor and a writer walk into a bar.

A sign hanging over the bar proclaims an amateur bull-fighting tournament; where a winner can walk away with a load of gold.

The director races to the bullring, confident in winning the bullion. He sets up lights all over the ring and ...

Why does the cast of the Avengers not know the full script of the movie yet?

The writers are trying to keep things Loki.

High Noon

An old west dime novel writer is out looking for a good story when he wanders into a saloon. He sees a group of rough rider lookin' scoundrels playing poker and he musters up enough courage to sit down with 'em (thinkin' he might get a story out if he was lucky). "Mind if I play?"

The others ...

A bald man walks into a bar...

He approaches the barkeeper and tells him

"I have something in my pocket that I will show you. If you swear you've never seen anything like it before, I'll have free drinks all night"

The barkeeper, in his mid fifties, who has clearly seen a lot in his life, agrees with a nod.

T...

A newly published novelist wrote in her blog that her 100,000-word thriller got her $1,000,000 from her publisher.

She brags at a party that her words are worth $10 each. A slightly drunk guy walks up, confronts her by the bar, plots down $10 and says “OK, wise ass, give me one of those $10 words.” The writer calmly stuffs the bill in her pocket and says “thanks” and walks away.

Did you know that William Shakespeare died on the same day he was born?

He must have been a fast writer!

"I'm NOT a window cleaner!"

(Inspired by IT crowd)

One gloomy day in London a man by the name of Roy walks in a park, taking a short break from his job in an IT department. Suprisingly, he runs into an old school friend named Alister during his walk, and they catch up. Alister is a local writer for a very famous publish...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Gay son

Three succesful men met up in a restaurant for dinner. First one started to talk "You know how my son is a succesful writer?" both men agreed "well he is soo succesful that he bought his best friend a brand new yacht worth 5 million dollars for his birthday last week." both men congratulated him.Sec...

What do you call a neighbourhood full of idle novelists?

Writer's block.

What do you do with an elephant with three balls?

Walk him and pitch to the rhino.


- Credit to the writers of 'Hot Shots'.

A gorgeous woman doing stand-up at a comedy club

....and she's not doing so well. It's not that her delivery or stage presence is bad. It's simply because she's using extremely tired and outdated material. To put it frankly, the audience was sick and tired of hearing the same damn jokes that had been told time after time on that stage.

Afte...

What does the narcissistic cow say?

"Meeeeee!"

I wrote this.
I'm now a comedy writer.
You are welcome.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

New York police officers helped a black woman deliver a baby on the side of the road

Said one officer, “Come out with your hands up!”


- Seth Myers / Writers

Subscribe (Verb) - to obtain or have a subscription to a publication, concert series, service, etc.

Subscribe (Noun) - a very obedient writer

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Sir Arthur and the case of brief case identity

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab in Paris..!
.
Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked,
.
"Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?"

Doyle was flabbergasted.....