Three writers, Al, Ben, and Carl, who were attending a writing convention, booked a room on the 75th floor of a hotel.

When they arrived back at the hotel from the convention, the receptionist told them, "I'm terribly sorry, but the elevator is broken. In the meantime, you will have to take the stairs."

Now, Al was a writer of funny stories, Ben was a writer of scary stories, and Carl was a writer of sad stor...

What do you call a writer who doesn't follow the rules of sentence structure?

A rebel without a clause

What has 27 actors, three settings, two writers, and one plot?

671 Hallmark movies.

How many Buzzfeed writers does it take to turn on an electric chair?

Ten. But number four will shock you.

Lets face it English is a stupid language There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England

French Fries Were Not Invented In France.

We Sometimes Take English For Granted

But If We Examine Its Paradoxes We Find That:

Quicksand Takes You Down Slowly

Boxing Rings Are Square

And A Guinea Pig Is Neither From Guinea Nor Is It A Pig.

If Writers Write, H...

Netflix writers have so many different shows to deal with...

They have trouble keeping all their characters straight.

How many writers for "The Simpsons" does is take to change a lightbulb?

None. They won't admit that it burnt out 15 years ago!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A writer moves to a rural area so he can focus on his writing without distractions

After getting settled in he sits down to start writing and is immediately disturbed by a knock on the door.

He answers to door to find an old scraggly looking man in dirty overalls, with very few teeth, and a long unkempt beard. The old man looks very excited to see him.


Howdy ne...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A politician, drug dealer, beekeeper, priest, doctor, lawyer, accountant, engineer, prostitute, programmer, nurse, chef, forensic analyst, biologist, truck driver and a writer walk into a bar

It is a big bar. Very big one. And empty, or at least it was empty until this large group of people entered it.

They all form a queue in front of the bar and order drinks one by one. The politician gets a Heineken, the drug dealer orders a Budweiser, the beekeeper gets a mead, the priest buy...

A writer was prosecuted for a short story he wrote

They gave him a long sentence.

Dominatrix author onlyfans creator seeks a fellow writer to be my sub

Basically I need a sub-scriber

I wanna be a fiction writer later in life.

So I'm studying journalism.

My teenage daughter can't decide whether she wants to be a hairdresser or a short story writer...

I guess she'll have to flip a coin....

Heads or Tales.

Farmers would make great writers.

They really know how to work a plot.

Why don't escaped convicts make good writers?

Because they never finish their sentences

What dinosaur is a writer's best friend?

Thesaurus

What brand of camera a fanfiction writer owns?

A Canon Camera

“What is the limerick writer’s favourite pop group?”

AABBA

What happened to the Professional Writer who had bowel surgery?

He ended up with a semi-colon.

Why God? Why?

One day a fellow was watching Fox News and learned about a new virus that was rapidly spreading and quickly killing those who got sick with it. The nightly news reports got worse and worse, this Covid-19 virus was spreading around the world and killing increasingly large numbers of people. But he wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandfather inspired me to be a writer

He died choking on a peanut butter sandwich. I will never forget his last words: "Happy pen... happy pen..."

As a lumberjack starts his chainsaw he hears the tree begin to cry. “Please don’t cut me down!” The tree pleads, “I’ll do anything!” The lumberjack says, “Fine! If you can solve this impossible riddle that has fooled some of the greatest minds from doctors, writers to philosophers, I’ll spare you.”

The tree was stumped.

what do you call a place where everyone's a writer?

a writer's block.

Did you hear about the writer who became a baker?

They say he makes excellent synonym rolls.

"Two steaks please", I asked the writer. "Rare for me, medium rare for my friend."

He brought us a lovely bit of panda and a nice chunk of giraffe.

How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and the other to give it an unexpected twist at the end.

EDIT: Thank you for the silver!

EDIT AGAIN: Thank you for the gold and platinum! I am honored!

An old dime store novel writer walks into a saloon...

An old west dime novel writer is out looking for a good story when he wanders into a saloon. He sees a group of rough rider lookin' scoundrels playing poker and he musters up enough courage to sit down with 'em (thinkin' he might get a story out if he was lucky). "Mind if I play?"

The others ...

I told my old classmate at our 10-year reunion that I'm a writer. "Oh yeah?" he asks. "Have you sold anything yet?"

I said, "Sure. My house, my car, and all my stuff."

As a writer, my vocabulary is excellent, but my spelling is lacking...

... I thought as I gazed at the squiggly red line beneath the word solemly.

What did the drug-addict writer say when his wife told him to come to bed?

Let me finish this one line.

I'm having a really tough time coming up with new phrases to put onto custom cutting boards...

I guess I have writer's block.

David wanted to be a writer!

There was once this young man who professed his desire to become a great writer. Say hello to David. When asked what he wanted to write, David would say with great enthusiasm, " I want to write stuff that the whole world will read. Stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level. Stuff th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Karen loves astrology

Karen: Doctor, I've not been feeling well lately

Doctor: Well, I've looked at your lab reports and I'm afraid I have some bad news...

Karen: Don't give me this lab nonsense, you bureaucratic paper pusher! I don't believe Western medicine anyways! I've been following homeopathic medicin...

What do you call a classical writer with Parkinson's and a drinking problem?

Shakesbeer.

TIL that the writer Stephen King has a son named Joe...

I’m not joking, but he is...

How many GoT plot writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

I got kicked out of our Writers Block support group today

It made me really

Have you heard about the rappers ghost writer going to jail

He was behind bars

In the middle of his administration, President Trump went to give a speech to a prison…

Trump’s speech writer had everything ready for him except for the opening line.

“How about ‘My fellow Americans..’” Trump suggested.
“I’m sorry Mr. President but many prisoners may be of foreign nationality.” His speech writer warned.

“Okay. Then ‘My fellow citizens…’”

“I’...

2 buzzfeed writers walked into a bar

What happened next will blow your minds!

I realize the writer of the Iliad and the Odyssey was better than me every time I enter my house

I am home, but he was Homer.

What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself?

One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.

What do you call the part of the city where unsuccessful writers live?

The writers' block.

If you write an entire book using a Ouija board, you get all the credit...

Since it was technically written by a ghost writer?

Early in the development of the Clone Wars show the writers wanted Obi Wan to forgive Darth Mail for killing his master and befriend him.

They decided to let Qui-Gons be bygones.

A Buzzfeed writer walks into a bar...

You won't BELIEVE what they asked for!

I often get asked what it's like to work as both a writer and a scammer...

I just say that it has its own Prose and Cons

What's the difference between wit and a joke?

A young filmmaker excited to be part of his first film festival is attending a talk between a director and a writer. At the end of the talk he gets up and shouts out, "If I could ask a question, what's the difference between wit and a joke?"

The writer looks at him for a second, picks up his...

What are the two possible things that can happen when a ghost writer dies?

He becomes a ghost-ghost writer
Or...
Drake's career ends either of the two.

My Gramps just passed away. This was his favorite joke to tell.

*Sorry for the meta of this, I'm still reeling a little. I post two or three (or ten--sorry for breaking rules) jokes on this sub every day. A lot of them are simply awful, but they're all original, and my Gramps was a huge inspiration for me becoming a comedy "writer." But this is an old joke, and ...

Why do writers hate the bible?

It has terrible characters, Noah is the only one with an arc.

Being a writer is enjoyable...

But the job of editor is more rewording.

Being a writer keeps me in great physical shape

I'm always running out of ideas.

I got fired from being an eulogy writer. Because the only thing I wrote was “plethora.”

I thought it meant a lot to a lot of people.

The mining industry wants to put out a radio advert to help with recruitment. They hire a jingle writer, and he asks them what key he should write it in.

They said: "B minor".

Why do women date witty writers? NSFW

Because they enjoy cunning linguists.

How many Buzzfeed writers would use a taser on you?

We asked 20 of them, and number seven may shock you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A New York writer is tired of all the people and noise of the big city

He believes that a quiet place will help him focus so that he can finish his novel. The man moves to an island in Northern Europe with pasture as far as the eye can see and no other houses for miles. After a year of writing he starts to feel lonely. Then, he hears a booming knock on his door. When h...

The Prime Minister's speech writer has resigned.

He's speechless.

What does the writer suffer from each spring?

A case of allegories

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favourite porn category is the one where girls quote 19th century Irish writers

Girls Gone Wilde.

What did the writer say when he glued himself to his book?

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I made a YouTube video about the violence I endured as a writer on board a U-boat

Just hit subscribe.

A man named Isaac and a famous science fiction writer sit in a bar.

Isaac says to the science fiction writer, "who are you?"
The writer replies: "I am Isaac."
Delighted at the coincidence, Isaac says "As am I!"
The writer frowns and shakes his head. "No, Asim*ov*."

How many Forbes writers does it take to make a good, solid tech article?

You’re in for a nasty surprise -
No one knows yet. But we’re keeping count.

What's the best college degree to become a successful fiction writer?

Journalism!

A bartender walks into a joke writers convention.

No joke.

Which writer would you expect to find in a thermometer?

HG Wells.

Why do writers always feel cold?

Because they are surrounded by drafts!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.

She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.

"Oh my," said the writer. "Let me see heaven now."

A ...

What did Melania Trump say to her speech writer?

Thanks, Obama.

What's it like to be an aspiring writer?

It's difficult to put into words.

I electrified the toilet of a clickbait writer

No. 1 will shock him.

The guy who wrote the song 'In Too Deep' missed out on the 'best writer of a rock song' award.

Most of the judges said he lost, but Sum41.

Why are writers really good at coding?

Because they are really into Pro grammar.

A clickbait writer dies and goes to hell.

And you won't **BELIEVE** what happens next!

I had a friend who studied linguistics at Oxford. To help pay tuition he tried moonlighting as a writer at a nudie mag, but it didn't work out.

He couldn't write a rhotic /r/

How does a Buzzfeed writer catch fish?

Clickbait.

My friend writes songs about sewing machines.

He’s a Singer song writer.

A writer from the New York Times submits an article about Bernie Sanders but it is denied.

(First post here. Sorry if it sucks)

Writer: What??? I put my heart and soul into this article? What was wrong with it?

His boss: Oh, the paper’s fine, it’s just full of grammatical errors.

Writer: Like what?

His boss: Well, for example, you didn’t capitalize “Bernie Sand...

Did you hear about the famous writer who turned out to be a fraud?

His life had its prose and cons.

"I am a writer!" - "And already sold something?"

"Yes, my house and my car."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to you piss off a writer?

The list off ways is to long too fit hear.

I'm a writer

My pen name is Bic

Man was reading his wife's suicide note

Then he thought he could be a wonderful writer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A retired astronaut and dabbling writer gets a call from NASA

NASA asks the astronaut to help with the international space station, as he is the only one who knows how to fix the system that needs repairs. The man, a fan of old fashioned writing, requires NASA to let him bring his typewriter on the mission as his one condition to come out of retirement.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two smut writers get together...

That night there was a lot of fanfriction.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I do porn, and the company I work for has a guy who writes all the blowjob scenes. He has the girls use their teeth, never pay attention to the balls, and only lick the tip.

I don’t know whose dick this guy sucked to become the head writer

A goalkeeper and a striker are arguing over who's the better writer in their soccer team.

Their argument becomes so heated that their coach suggests that they do an essay-writing competition. The two teammates agree.

The next day, the two of them are told to spend 2 hours typing an essay on the team's history and tactics on two old-fashioned desktop computers with attached printer...

Who was the famous writer, that died in WWII?

I don't know Anne Frankly I don't care.

A store for wisdom

Dr. Who was traveling through time and space, when he came upon a cache of the universe's best wise sayings. He loaded them into the Tardis and decided to set up a shop on a nice little corner just outside of reality to sell the sayings to the great thinkers and writers of all time. He advertised hi...

Did you hear about the writer that became a tailor?

He had to make an Ernest living, the Hemingway.

The scariest book of all time!! [LONG]

There once lived an author named Mr. Troller. He was infamous as the writer of the scariest book ever. Only three people ever bought his book and after reading his book , all the three guys passed away . The reason nobody bought his book was because it was damn expensive ($150,000) and nobody wanted...

What do bad writers use to pick up hot pans?

Plot Holders.

Why can't women be writers?

They're afraid of periods.

If Trump goes to prison

he'll be very lonely because he pardoned all his friends
-
Jimmy Falon's writer

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.