How many GoT plot writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

How many Buzzfeed writers does it take to start an electric chair?

13, but #9 will shock you!

A writer from the New York Times submits an article about Bernie Sanders but it is denied.

(First post here. Sorry if it sucks)

Writer: What??? I put my heart and soul into this article? What was wrong with it?

His boss: Oh, the paper’s fine, it’s just full of grammatical errors.

Writer: Like what?

His boss: Well, for example, you didn’t capitalize “Bernie Sand...

How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and the other to give it an unexpected twist at the end.

EDIT: Thank you for the silver!

EDIT AGAIN: Thank you for the gold and platinum! I am honored!

What do writers have for breakfast?

Synonym buns

What dinosaur is a writer's best friend?

Thesaurus

2 buzzfeed writers walked into a bar

What happened next will blow your minds!

How many Buzzfeed writers would use a taser on you?

We asked 20 of them, and number seven may shock you.

What's it like to be an aspiring writer?

It's difficult to put into words.

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a "great" writer.

When asked to define "great" he said "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation, and anger!". He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

What do you call the part of the city where unsuccessful writers live?

The writers' block.

How many Forbes writers does it take to make a good, solid tech article?

You’re in for a nasty surprise -
No one knows yet. But we’re keeping count.

A bartender walks into a joke writers convention.

No joke.

The Prime Minister's speech writer has resigned.

He's speechless.

Did you hear that the writer of the Hokey Cokey has died?

The family are struggling to get him buried though, they can’t get him in the coffin...

It all started when they tried to get his left leg in

I thought you were a great writer...

JK

TIL that the writer Stephen King has a son named Joe...

I’m not joking, but he is...

A Buzzfeed writer walks into a bar...

You won't BELIEVE what they asked for!

What are the two possible things that can happen when a ghost writer dies?

He becomes a ghost-ghost writer
Or...
Drake's career ends either of the two.

My Gramps just passed away. This was his favorite joke to tell.

*Sorry for the meta of this, I'm still reeling a little. I post two or three (or ten--sorry for breaking rules) jokes on this sub every day. A lot of them are simply awful, but they're all original, and my Gramps was a huge inspiration for me becoming a comedy "writer." But this is an old joke, and ...

I realize the writer of the Iliad and the Odyssey was better than me every time I enter my house

I am home, but he was Homer.

The guy who wrote the song 'In Too Deep' missed out on the 'best writer of a rock song' award.

Most of the judges said he lost, but Sum41.

What did Melania Trump say to her speech writer?

Thanks, Obama.

Why are writers really good at coding?

Because they are really into Pro grammar.

I electrified the toilet of a clickbait writer

No. 1 will shock him.

What does the writer suffer from each spring?

A case of allegories

Being a writer is enjoyable...

But the job of editor is more rewording.

Which writer would you expect to find in a thermometer?

HG Wells.

A clickbait writer dies and goes to hell.

And you won't **BELIEVE** what happens next!

I told my old classmate at our 10-year reunion that I'm a writer. "Oh yeah?" he asks. "Have you sold anything yet?"

I said, "Sure. My house, my car, and all my stuff."

A goalkeeper and a striker are arguing over who's the better writer in their soccer team.

Their argument becomes so heated that their coach suggests that they do an essay-writing competition. The two teammates agree.

The next day, the two of them are told to spend 2 hours typing an essay on the team's history and tactics on two old-fashioned desktop computers with attached printer...

Did you hear about the famous writer who turned out to be a fraud?

His life had its prose and cons.

Being a writer keeps me in great physical shape

I'm always running out of ideas.

A BuzzFeed writer walks into a bar...

95% of americans were shocked to find out what happened next.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A New York writer is tired of all the people and noise of the big city

He believes that a quiet place will help him focus so that he can finish his novel. The man moves to an island in Northern Europe with pasture as far as the eye can see and no other houses for miles. After a year of writing he starts to feel lonely. Then, he hears a booming knock on his door. When h...

What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself?

One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.

"I am a writer!" - "And already sold something?"

"Yes, my house and my car."

What's the best college degree to become a successful fiction writer?

Journalism!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favourite porn category is the one where girls quote 19th century Irish writers

Girls Gone Wilde.

I'm a writer

My pen name is Bic

A retired astronaut and dabbling writer gets a call from NASA

NASA asks the astronaut to help with the international space station, as he is the only one who knows how to fix the system that needs repairs. The man, a fan of old fashioned writing, requires NASA to let him bring his typewriter on the mission as his one condition to come out of retirement.
...

A hungry lion roamed through the jungle looking for his next meal when he came upon two men.

One man was sitting under a tree reading a book. The other man was writing in a notebook. The lion quickly pounced in the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that reader's digest and writers cramp.

Why do writers hate the bible?

It has terrible characters, Noah is the only one with an arc.

Why do writers always feel cold?

Because they are surrounded by drafts!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to you piss off a writer?

The list off ways is to long too fit hear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.

She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.

"Oh my," said the writer. "Let me see heaven now."

A ...

What did the writer say when he glued himself to his book?

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

What do you call it when a writer hangs himself off the side of the mountain?

A cliffhanger.

What's the motto of the American Writers Guild?

YOU ESSAY! YOU ESSAY!

The writers and the director all sit down to plot out the new Thor movie

The director asks, "Ok guys what do you think we should do for a villain?"

One writer responds, "Well I had idea for a flamboyantly-colored, three-headed dragon that shoots fire and speaks in riddles."

The director sighs, "That's way too much, let's keep the villain low key."

How does a Buzzfeed writer catch fish?

Clickbait.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a writer, I often correct grammar online and get called a Grammar Nazi because of it.

I'm not a Grammar Nazi, okay? I'm just alt-literate.

What do bad writers use to pick up hot pans?

Plot Holders.

Did you hear about the writer that became a tailor?

He had to make an Ernest living, the Hemingway.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two smut writers get together...

That night there was a lot of fanfriction.

Why do Vampires hate Writers?

Because they hate Type O's

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's a pedophile's favorite writer?

dickinson.
^^^sorry.

Why couldn't Donald Trump be a successful song writer?

Because every good song has a bridge, not a wall.

My friend from Prague is a writer.

He likes to use Spellczech.

Did you hear about the writer who brought peace to the Middle East?

He had a way with Kurds.

What kind of lotion do authors apply at the beach?

Writers block.

So a cinematographer, writer, and production designer walk into a bar....

and the director takes all the credit.

Two actors are practicing their lines for a show.

The first guy says: "How could you do this to me? I hate you!" The second says: "You're making me so angry I swear I'm going to PUNCH you!" The first says "That line sounds cheesy. It makes it seem like a children's show. Let's talk to the writers about it." So they go the the writers and explain th...

Just heard Barrack Obama's main writer has been killed..

Sources reporting that he is currently speechless.

What's the difference between a park bench and a writer?

A park bench can support a family.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Charles Dickens had writer's block…

He had a contract due for a new novel, but he hadn't even thought of a title yet. He went into the local pub and asked the barman for a Martini.

"Olive, or twist?"

What does a writer hope to get in a Christmas cracker?

A Pull-it-surprise!

And actor, a director and a writer walk into a bar.

A director, an actor and a writer walk into a bar.

A sign hanging over the bar proclaims an amateur bull-fighting tournament; where a winner can walk away with a load of gold.

The director races to the bullring, confident in winning the bullion. He sets up lights all over the ring and ...

What is the difference between a horror fiction writer and a disabled physicist?

Haw

A poem on Timbuktu

A writer and a student were in the finals of a poem tournament and were both given 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu. The writer was up first and he goes:

“On the lonely desert sands,
crossed a lonely caravan,
men on camels two by two,
destination Timbuktu.”
<...

High noon

An old west dime novel writer is out looking for a good story when he wanders into a saloon. He sees a group of rough rider lookin' scoundrels playing poker and he musters up enough courage to sit down with 'em (thinkin' he might get a story out if he was lucky). "Mind if I play?"

The others ...

pirate

Which famous writer used to be a pirate?





George arrr arrr matey

Why does the cast of the Avengers not know the full script of the movie yet?

The writers are trying to keep things Loki.

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