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What do you call Homer Simpson accidently banging his head at the end of a wank?

A Doh! - nut

What is Homer Simpson's favorite toy?

Play D'oh

A young farm couple, Homer and Daisy, got married and just couldn't seem to get enough lovin'. In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love.

When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. After supper, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.

The problem was their nooner: it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn't getting enough work done.

Fi...

Doctor, doctor

A man goes into the doctors and says "doctor doctor I think I'm going deaf" and the doctor says "can you describe the symptoms" and he says "yes, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair"

What do you call Homer, Lucan, Ovid, and Horace in Hell?

A Dead Poet's Society.

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A chicken walks into a library...

The librarian lifts their gaze with a mixture of curiosity and surprise as the bird hops onto the counter. It tilts its head and, with an air of demand, clucks:

"Book!"

The librarian is taken aback at this odd display. The chicken impatiently taps one foot on the counter.

"Book,...

Why did Homer get a job at a bakery?

He kneaded the doh

What do Homer Simpson and pizza have in common?

Doh.

Hey Homer, did you hear about the Impeachment?

Mmmmm peach mint (drool noises)

Albert Einstein and Homer Simpson had a bet.

Albert Einstein says “If I can’t answer your question, i’ll give you a million dollars. If you can’t answer my question, you have to give me five dollars.”

Homer says “ok”

Albert Einstein says “I’ll start: What is the capital of France?”

Homer says “lol idk”

Homer gives E...

What do you call a plagiarized work of Homer?

A fraudyssey

What game does Homer Simpson always lose?

Tic Tac Doh!

I went to a doctor complaining of hearing problems

The doctor said “okay describe the symptoms” so I replied “no problem mate Homer’s ͏͏͏fat and Marge has blue hair”

Why did the Italian Homer Simpson buy his wife cheese?

Because it was Formaggio

“Doctor, my hearing is getting worse...”

- Can you explain the symtoms?
- Well, Homer is fat, bald and ugly; Bart is...

What was Homer's favorite letter?

Wine-dark C.

Why did Moe finally decide to kill of Homer Simpson's son?

he realized he was a Bartender

Why did Homer think Marge was cheating on him?

Because she said she had just done Apu in the toilet

How does Homer Simpson say watermelon in French?

Melon D'OH

If someone sends you a link to download the Homer's Iliad, don't download it...

It's full of trojans!!

What does Monsieur Homer say after spilling water on himself?

D'EAU!

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What do you call someone who masturbates to the Iliad and the Odyssey?

A Homer-Sexual

If Thor Odinson is the son of Odin...

Then Homer Simpson must be your son.

A baseball manager calls up a Chinese rookie from the minor leagues

The player shows up before his first game and goes to take batting practice. The manager sees him walking to the batter's box with a frying pan sitting on his head. He says "You can't wear a frying pan in the batter's box, son. You need a helmet."

The player responds: "This is my lucky frying...

Doctor: I understand you're experiencing hearing difficulties. Please describe the symptoms.

Patient: Well, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair.

^(Posted on behalf of /r/ScottishPeopleTwitter's comment section)

I realize the writer of the Iliad and the Odyssey was better than me every time I enter my house

I am home, but he was Homer.

I visited the doctors yesterday

Because I've had trouble with my hearing. I sat down in front of the doctor and he asked what the matter was. I explained I had trouble hearing the past few days, he asked if I could explain the symptoms. I said "Marge has blue hair and homers fat"

Things need to know about me

A. Bad at grammar

B. Bad at titles

C. Grammar

D. Repetitive

H. Don't know the alphabet

5. Inconsistent

7. Don't know number line

12. Repetitive

237. Too ambitious

(239) Inconsistent

(6) Childish

(7) Easily distracted
...

So my friend had some issue with his hearing....

My friend was having some issues with his hearing, so he booked a doctor's appointment. The doctor checked him over and had a look in his ears. The doctor said "okay. So, describe the symptoms". My friend said "well, there's homer. He's the dad. And there's Marge, she's got big blue hair..."

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?

Art.

That same guy in your pool? Bob

Same guy in your hot tub? Stew

Sitting under your car that's missing a wheel? Jack

Same guy on your porch? Matt

Same guy getting hit with a baseball bat? Homer

Same guy lying in a pile of leaves? Russel

What do you...

Hard of Hearing

I went to the Doctors yesterday as my ears were a bit blocked and I couldn't hear too well.
The Doctor asked if I could describe the symptoms, I told him the Father is called Homer and is fat and his wife is called Marge with big blue hair.

An ear doctor gets a phone call from a patient and asks him to describe the symptoms.

He says, "they're yellow, Homer's fat and Marge has blue hair".

[Source](http://m.imgur.com/gallery/3axkvOQ)

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What do you call a person with a Simpsons fetish?

Homer-sexual

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