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Solider Jokes

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A tired American solider

An American solider serving in WWII had just returned from intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted the R&R and was on a train bound London. The train was very crowded, so the solider walked the length of the train looking for an empty seat.

The only unoccupi...

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(My grandfather told me this) Two solider

Two solider just walking on the street. They are very hungry and nothing to eat. They saw a dead body with a big belly. They say he must have eaten something. They argue a lot and finally decide to cut up his belly with a knife. Its full of delicious pasta. One of the solider starts to eat it while ...

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An injured American soldier is boarding a train to the hospital, but the train is full because a woman and her dog took up the last two seats.

The man says to the woman, "would you please mind taking up only one seat? You don't need two separate seats for you and your dog." But the woman refuses. Then the man tells the woman that he is exhausted from the war and is injured, the last seat on the train isn't too much to ask for, yet the woma...

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How did the Japanese solider fail out of military school?

He brought a parachute to class.

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A solider gets transferred to an outpost in the desert

When he arrives the commanding officer shows him around. After they've visited the barracks the officer brings him to a shed with a camel inside and explains:

"As you might've noticed, this is an all male unit and we're far away from civilization. Everyone here knows that even a soldier has ...

It wasn't a big deal when the solider got an STI

It was an honorable discharge.

Did you hear about the solider that survived a mustard gas attack and a pepper spray attack?

He's now a seasoned veteran.

A solider had recently found out that he had cancer, and the diagnosis was making him feel miserable and struggle to carry out his duties. After failing to polish his boots properly, the drill sergeant called him forwards.

“Why haven’t you polished your boots properly?” He yelled. “What’s wrong with you? Can you make your kit presentable or not?”

“Cancer”, the soldier replied sadly.

“Good!”, the sergeant shouted, much to the soldiers surprise, before marching off.

The next day, the soldier was cal...

American scientists made a clocks ...

that goes forward a second if someone swears near it.
So for testing they put them in army barracks of England, France and Russia. After a while they go and check on clocks.
In England clock is 2 second forward. In France clock is 30 seconds forward. They now visit Russia and see that clock i...

A Taliban commander is walking through the mountains with his troops..

Everything is calm and then from behind hill comes a voice "one SAS solider is better than 10 of your men." Excited at the thought of taking out an SAS member, the commander sends 10 of his troops over the hill. After a short period of gun fighting, silence falls. And then again, from behind the hil...

A man is dragged in front of Putin by a soldier

Putin asks the solider "What did he do?"

The soldier answered that the man went into Moscow square and shouted that he didn't like the stupid halfwit leader who caused war to break out, let his army get defeated with expensive military equipment being captured by a bunch of peasants, destroye...

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"Captain, I've lost my rifle!"

A group of soldiers are preparing for an attack from the enemy, when a private walks up to the captain and says "Captain, I've lost my rifle! What do I do?"

The captain thinks for a moment, then grabs a broom and hands it to the private.
He says "If any enemies show themselves, just point ...

A Regimental Sergeant Major is inspecting his troops on the Parade ground at the end of a day's training....

.... as they line up in front of the CO, the RSM calls out.

"Before you are all dismissed I have an announcement. Private Jones. one step forward ... MARCH!!"

Private Jones steps forward from the first line of soldiers.

"Private Jones .... your Mother is dead. FALL IN!!"
...

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