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Silicon Jokes

Did you hear silicon valley is seceding from the USA?

Theyre forming the USB

I heard about people using cedar instead of silicon for breast implants, but think about if it happened to you, it'd be super weird,

Wooden tit

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Silicone Treatment:

The breasts that money can buy.

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Joke about Silicon Integraded Systems (super dark) (not funny)

"*if i was in a room, with a pistol with 2 bullets, and in this room there were, Hitler, Stalin and a SIS Integrated GPU, i woud shoot the SIS card 2 times*"

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What do you call the space between the breasts of a woman with implants?

Silicone valley

What do you call the cleavage between breast implants?

Silicon Valley

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It would be cheaper if they used oak instead of silicone in boob jobs..

Wooden tit?

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Silicon boobs are organic and 100% natural

Because Silicon is the most common element in the Earth's surface.

A Science Teacher stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"

Little Stevie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette." The teacher nodded, and then she called on little Susie.

Little Susie said, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Porsche." ...

A Silicon Valley Bumper Sticker: My Other Car Is Autonomous...

...but I never drive it.

Did you hear about the newlywed couple that didn’t know the difference between KY lube and silicone caulk?

Their windows fell out.

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Redneck sits next to the silicon valley kid on the overnight train ride

Redneck really wants to sleep, but silicone valley kid won't shut up, describing the wonders of technology.

\- Nowadays I can find an answer to any question, no matter how hard, you just need to know how to use tech!

Redneck really wants to sleep. But the kid keeps showing his gadgets,...

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What do you call the space between 2 artificial breasts?

Silicone Valley......

I'll leave and close the door behind me

Not silicone

A woman got wooden breast implants.
This would be so much funnier with a punchline, wooden tit?

A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant...

Its called Eel-on Musk.

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2 Congressmen, 2 rednecks, and 2 tech guys from Silicon Valley go to North Korea . . .

So these 2 Congressmen decided to make a goodwill trip to North Korea. To show the wide range of cultures in the U.S., they took a couple redneck guys from Mississippi and a couple of tech savvy guys from California. After a short tour, they were thrown in prison for not having proper credentials....

A redhead, brunette and a blonde walk into a bar.

They were having a chat when the bartender asked them about thier opinions on elements.

The redhead says,"I love gold because I can buy a lot of cars with it."

The brunette says,"I would prefer platinum because it is more valuable than gold and can buy you more cars."

The blonde...

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What's the difference between a cheap guy at a restaurant and a worker packaging silicone breast implants?

One's a shitty tipper....

What do you call a Dodge made out of silicon?

A Hemi-conductor!

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How do you ask a Silicon Valley prostitute for a handjob?

Submit a pull request.

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What do you call the area between 2 fake tits?

silicon valley.

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Japanese government delegation visits Russia [USSR for oldtimers]

Russian officials give them tours around Moscow and show off the best they could to impress honorable guests. Whenever they ask guests how they like the streets, buildings, or "state-of-the-art" plants, guests give the same feedback smile, bow, and "You have wonderful children".

On the final ...

ELI5: If Silicon Valley seceded from the US

would they be considered a developing nation?

I made a custom mold by pouring silicone over a crucifix. 24 hours and one epoxy pour later...

and Christ is resin.

Man walks into a Pharmacy

"Can I buy some silicon dioxide?"

"Sorry sir, we don't sell that."

"But you have loads in the window."

If Al Gore didn't invent the internet

Why do all of the silicon valley companies always talk about Al Gore's rhythm?

What's a robot's favourite Mexican food?

Silicon Carne.

What do you call a prisoner in for stealing computer parts humorously?

A silicon

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What do you call the area between a California woman’s boobs?

Silicone Valley

My blonde friend got breast implants

I used to call her " little Connie", now she's just "Silicone"

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What do you call the gap between a pair of fake boobs?

Silicone Valley.

Sir Mixalot was wrong.

Silicon parts are made for non-stick cooking ware.

Tommy will figure

Tommy's Mum: Tommy, you need to let your younger brother learn things on his own too.

Tommy: Sure Mom!

Johnny: (Tommy's younger brother) What's 89 times 2

Tommy: it's.... (Interrupted by Mum)

Tommy's Mum: Tommy Hilfiger it out

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If the space between a woman's natural breasts is called "cleavage,"...

Then the space between a woman's fake breasts must be the Silicone Valley?

Hear are sum morre punny science jokes

How often do I tell chemistry jokes? Periodically.

Is Silicon the same in English as in Spanish? Si.

The last time I told a chemistry joke there was no reaction.

Chemistry puns Im in my element.

What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium

Ion-estly cant think of...

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GEEKS NOT ALLOWED-ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers
stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the
door saying "GEEKS NOT ALLOWED-ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!"
He goes in and sits down.

The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of...

What's the stupidest element on the periodic table?

Silicon

a computer that knows everything

in Silicon Valley, there was an exhibition of a new generation Artificial Intelligence computer, which was supposed to know everything: a man and his son went to the exhibition.
"I will hide in the next room," said the man, "and you will ask the computer where am I."
So the man hides and t...

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God gave the woman...

God gave the woman beautiful eyebrows
She didn't like this, so she removed them and drew her own



God gave the woman pretty nails
She disliked this, so she cut them and put artificial ones



God gave the woman a pretty face
She hated it, so she put makeup on...

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We had our first child and he's beautiful, but he had a rare birth defect.

He was born without eyelids. We had to keep his eyes irrigated and shielded from light while they searched for a pediatric plastic surgeon who could correct it.

Fortunately one of the top surgeons in our region was available. When our attending physician explained the situation to him, he ask...

A man calls an aquarium factory.

He says, "I understand that you manufacture custom fish tanks of all sizes?"

"That's right."

"Perfect. You see, my company manufactures silicon breast implants. We've found that our products last longer when stored in water. If we had some kind of very large glass storage containers, c...

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Open Season on Nerds

This truck driver was driving through the Silicon Valley. He decides he needs a cup of coffee so he pulls into this truck stop. As he goes in the door he sees a sign that says "No Nerds will be served." He sits down at the bar, and the bartender comes over to him. The truck driver says, "I'll have a...

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A dude tells his hippy girlfriend that her boobs are too small

A dude tells his hippy girlfriend that her boobs are too small. She agrees but says that she doesn't want breast implants because Silicone isn't a renewable resource. He suggests that she find a natural alternate. Weeks later she has a great idea and carves two boobs out of a tree from her back yard...

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If Microsoft made cars.

Disclaimer: This Joke was made in the 1990's in response to comments that if the automobile industry kept pace with Silicone Valley cars would be much more advanced. The origin is the Mid 1990's
However at close retrospect some of this now happens.





At a computer expo (...

The future is now

An electrical engineer invented a new kind of transistor that uses tapioca instead of silicon.

He called it the boba FET.

Three Monkeys

A man walks into a Silicon Valley pet store looking to buy a monkey. The store owner points towards three identical looking monkeys in politically-correct, animal-friendly natural mini-habitats.


'The one on the left costs $500,' says the store owner.


'Why so much?' asks the cus...

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Shooting the moon

David, a young Silicon valley nerd billionaire suddenly become reclusive and started building a big cannon in his backyard. When asked what the cannon is for, he said he is going to shoot the moon resulting in his parents locking him up in a mental institution. and after 1 year, the shrink interview...

Our new Space Force is exploring mars

The new Space Force has finally arrived at mars, and an exploration ship has been investigating the snow and ice covered North Pole area.

A field biologist excitedly rushes in to his general, and exclaims, “Sir, incredible news! We have discovered a strange, silicon-based form of life in the...

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Three buddies from high school take a trip to Mexico...

Each of the men has spent their lives productively, and are each at the top of their respective fields, and they've kept in touch over the years. They decide that, to celebrate their twentieth high school graduation anniversary, they're going to go down to Mexico City together and generally live it ...

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