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Army Soldier Jokes

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A navy and army soldier walk into the toilet

They both take a piss into the urinal. As they exit, the army man goes toward the sinks to wash his hands, while the navy man goes straight for the door.



The army man says: "In the army, they taught us to wash our hands after peeing!"



to which the navy man replies: "In ...

Marines

Two Marines boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, an Army soldier got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Marines. The Soldier kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settlin...

An Irish Republican Army soldier lies on his death bed.

One day, an IRA soldier lies on his death bed, dying of cancer. It's spread too far and couldn't be stopped. The doctor gave him his diagnosis, and only three days to live.

"Quick Moira," he says to his loving wife. "Enroll me as a member of the Ulster Volunteer Force."

"But why?" She...

Army soldiers can't comprehend the 6-foot social distancing requirement.

But everyone in the Navy can fathom it.

What does the Australian army soldier say when the American army leader says, “did you come here to die!”

He said, “Nah mate, came ere yesterdie”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two soldiers are in the bathroom, one Army, one Navy.

After they finish, the Navy soldier goes to wash his hands and looks over to see the Army soldier walking out the door.

Disgusted, he called out “Didn’t they teach you to wash your hands in the Army?”

The Army soldier replied “No, they taught me not to piss on my fingers.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Army soldier and a Marine are pissing at urinals next to one another. When the Army soldier finishes he zips up and heads towards the door. The Marine says, "in the Marines, they teach us to wash our hands after taking a piss."

As the Army soldier reaches for the door, he turns over his shoulder and says, "in the Army, they teach us not to piss on our hands."

Airborne training

A US Army soldier sat in a bar with his head in his hands having just finished his first day of Airborne training. His buddy sat down on the stool next to him and asked him what was the matter. "I just finished my first day in Airborne training and it didn't go too well", he sighed. "What happened?"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Sergeant was walking through base housing when he noticed a boy playing in mud

Being curious, he walked over and saw that the boy was building something with the mud.

"Watcha building son" he asked.

"An Army soldier" exclaimed the boy.

"This is a *Marine Corp base base son! You should be building a *Marine!!" chastised the Sergeant.

"I would," the ...

A large group of Pakistani soldiers...

A large group of Pakistani soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a Indian voice call from behind a sand dune. "One Indian Army soldier is better than ten Pakistanis."
The Pakistani commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun battle breaks and continues f...

What do you call a soldier with long arms?

An army soldier

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar...

...and walks up to the bartender.

"Point out the toughest assholes in the place. I'm going to kick their asses."

The bartender looks around and notices a table in the back with four military guys sitting around it. A Marine, an Army soldier, an Air Force soldier, and a Navy sailor....

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