UPJOKE
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There once lived a strong, Native American man who had only one testicle

Everyone in the village called him "One stone" because of this, but nobody dared to say it to his face because he would kill anyone who directly said it him. Unfortunately, a woman in the village named Bluebird did not know about this. One morning, while she was walking past One Stone, she greeted h...

The year is 2028 and r/jokes is going strong...

A new user gets on to r/jokes and sees the most upvoted joke just says "28"

The second most upvoted joke says "3915"

The third most upvoted joke says "756"

He can't see why they're getting so many upvotes, so he comments "These aren't jokes, they're numbers"

The admin rep...

I met a beautiful, strong willed woman.

When I introduced myself as Frank she said "I wouldn't have pegged you as a Frank."

So I asked "What if my name was Joe?"

What’s the difference between a really strong weightlifter and a really, really, really strong weightlifter?

Repetitions.

Why do we know that really strong alcohol excists?

They have a lot of proof

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One of the most beautiful things in the world is a women's heart. It is fragile yet strong. Delicate yet resilient. It's a cradle of love, emotions and compassion. It like an ocean of secrets.

And of course its covered with boobs.

I don't think I'm strong enough anymore for my job as a personal trainer

So I guess I'll hand in my too weak notice

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Be Strong

A burglar entered a bedroom, tied up the husband and wife, kissed the wife's ear and went to the bathroom..

The husband said to the wife "Satisfy him or he will kill us, be strong. I love you"

Wife said "He didn't kiss me, he whispered in my ear that he is gay, he needs vaseline and i ...

What do you call an incredibly strong STD?

Herpules

(This joke has been brought to you by my 14 yr old son)

I told my girlfriend I liked her company. She didn't think "like" was a strong enough word.

So I bought 51% of her shares.

Why do farmers have such strong legs?

Because they are calf-raising.

Am I adopted?

Fred came home from University in tears.

"Mum, am I adopted?"

"No of course not", replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing?

Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side o...

Why did the conspiracy theorist have such strong legs?

Because he spent so much time jumping to conclusions

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If you punch your own balls and it hurts, does that make you strong or weak?

Stupid, it makes you stupid

A man tells a Rabbi: "I have a strong desire to live to eternity"

"Get married," replies the Rabbi.

"It's that simple? Would that allow me to live forever?"

"Not really, but the desire will disappear."

Strong Young Man

A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, the older worker had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I...

I feel very strongly about graffiti in toilet cubicles

So I have signed a partition

My best friend is strongly against medication.

He's never around when I'm on my anti-psychotic medication.

My friend is a man with strong convictions.

The main reason is he couldn’t afford a good lawyer.

A joke for world war 2 enthusiasts

A British World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his days in the air force.

"In 1942," he says, "the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember, " he continues, "one day I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the c...

what do jeb bush and lance arm strong have in common?

everyone was disappointed with their last speeches and no one was disappointed when they dropped out of the race

Why isn't the Russian army as strong as expected?

Because they wasted all their steroids on figure skaters a month ago.

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Having sex on regular basis keeps your memory strong and healthy.

Happy New Year 2016 everyone.

Husband and wife walk home silently after a strong argument.

Suddnely, they see two pigs on the side of the road.

Husband just asks: Hey, I think I've seen them already, aren't they your relatives?

The wife answes: Yes, you are correct. My parents-in-law.

Strong bed (not original - translated)

Man to carpenter - make a very strong bed so it does not break as my son will sleep with my daughter in law on it after marriage
Carpenter - don't worry sir I will make such strong bed it will not break even if whole colony sleeps with your daughter in law

I'm a strong man, I don't need no woman!

Is what I would like to say, but I miss you Mom!

Yo mama so strong

The Rock calls her The Paper

The quarantine has ruined many marriages but mine is still going strong.

Just the other day I woke up to my beautiful and loving wife holding a pillow tightly over my face to protect me from the coronavirus.

What do you call a man who's so strong he can lift a car?

Jack

A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him, "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows."

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown."

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to ...

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I was offered sex with a 21 yr old today

In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.

Strong tape is integral to a thriving workplace

some say that it is indispensable!

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A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lo...

What do you call a strong and indecisive person?

Mighty!

Canada is sending a strong team to the World Cup.

Unfortunately, it's the drinking team.

A strong boxer

has a foam board to practice on.
He punches it 10,15,20 times in a row, so hard that each punch makes a crater in the foam.
After he finishes practice, he turns to an imaginary audience, shows them the board, and tells them




"here's the punchline"

Strong people don’t put others down.

They lift them up and body-slam them for maximum impact.

That's some strong detergent

A little boy goes into the only grocery store in his small rural town. He asks the clerk for a box of laundry soap. The old man at the counter asked what kind to which the little boy replied "It don't matter, I'm just usin' it ta give my dog a bath anyway." The clerk warned him "That stuff is pretty...

I strongly recommend against stitching up your own wounds.

But if you insist, suture self.

My roommates have very strong opinions about lemons

One says lemons are the worst type of citrus.

One says lemons are the absolute best.

Both call them "sublime."

So there we were, 2 vs 100. We prepared our attack and started off strong...

Killed 'em both.

Just bought some extra strong beer. On the tin it says 'Please drink responsibly'

Well I've got my seat belt on...

The USA is proud because their Founding Fathers had strong convictions

Big deal the founders of Australia had convictions too.

To all the Europeans suffering from the current heat wave, here is a reminder to stay strong.

Your ancestors colonized entire countries in much higher temperatures.

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A hot single woman wants a strong relationship

She makes a post on a dating site saying that she is looking for a nice guy who wont hit her, wont run away, and is good in bed. A week later, her doorbell rings. She opens the door, looks down and sees a guy with no arms and legs in front of her .he lady is confused and asks the guy who is he and w...

I take strong offense with anyone saying the Republican Party has no standards now.

In fact, they have double standards.

They say milk make you strong.

Drink three glasses of milk and try to move a wall.

No way you can do it.

But drink three glasses of vodka.

And the walk moves by itself!

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Occasionally, I get really strong feelings to go have sex in the ocean...

...comes in waves.

Why is Alabama college football so strong?

Because they are all one big family

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Prostate massages are like stickers with excessively strong glue.

It’s a pain in the ass to get off.

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My pull out game is strong.

No kidding.

An American man gets married to a British woman

Before the big night, his father tells him: "Tonight I want you to carry your wife in your arms to show her that the US is a strong nation.

Then I want you to throw her on the bed to show her that the US is a proud nation


And finally I want you to take of your clothes to show her ...

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Do you know why Saturday and Sunday are considered strong days?

Because the rest are weak days

An Armenian takes his son hunting with him for the first time.

\- I don't understand, Daddy, - the son says. - How are you going to hunt? You have no gun with you, no traps, no net even...

\- Ah, son, you don't know what our Armenian jinx is like. There, look, a rabbit is sitting under that bush. Such a strong, healthy little rabbit, such shiny fur it ha...

Yo mama so fat. . .

I swerved my car to avoid hitting her and ran out of gas.

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Why are Saturdays and Sundays the strong days?

Because all of the other days are the WEAKDAYS!

Women are so strong...

they can run their mouth 24/7 and still have energy to cry when you call out their nonsense

My new hairdryer is so strong.

It is mind-blowing.

To cope with stress you either need to have a strong spirit...

...or strong spirits

So a really strong man walks into a bar

The bar says, “ow”.

your faith was strong but you needed proof

you saw Nietzsche bathing on the roof

his philosophy and logic overthrew ya

I can't stop watching movies with strong female leads

I'm a heroine addict

After years of hard work in the gym as a personal trainer I finally admitted I wasn’t strong enough and quit.

I just handed in my too weak notice.

A strong man owned a restaurant.

The man had a challenge to anyone who came in. The strong man would squeeze all the juice out of a lemon then challenge the other person to squeeze out at least one more drop.if they win they get a free dinner. many strong people came, but not one could do it.until a small and scrawny man walks in. ...

A woman smelling strongly of hard liquor wakes up in a police station, dazed and confused.

She asks the first police officer she sees, "Why am I here?"

"For drinking," replies the officer.

=====

"That's great," says the woman, "when do we start?"

what do u call a strong soup?

s0uperior

I strongly believe in karma. What you do to others you'll get back eventually.

So the other week i was pouring ravioli down my neighbours letterbox. And I kept thinking - I wonder what thev've done to deserve this.

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A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that.

About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the ta...

Chewbacca was tall and strong.

If he had played sports, I'm sure he would have been Wookie of the Year!

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american vs Russian in strong man competition.

In a world series of strong men, an American and a Russian made it to the finals. In the final they had to go in to 3 different rooms and fulfil 3 tasks

1. Drink 3 bottles of the strongest alcohol and come out on your feet

2. Break and bring back 2 teeth of a Lion

3. Fuck th...

My son made this up. The Dad Joke is strong with this one...

Son: What does Darth Vader use to get to the bridge of his ship?

Me: No clue, son

Son: An ele-Vader, ha!

I strongly believe in karma.

Like this other day i noticed a homeless man sitting in front of the supermarket. He seemed to have a difficult time.

I went into the supermarket and collected some stuff to give to the homeless man, i wrapped it up neatly in some wrapping paper and went back outside

The homeless man a...

My friend with a lisp has a strong opinion on the Titanic II

As he put it, they're doing the unsinkable!

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Two nuns are driving through Transylvania one night...

...when suddenly a vampire jumps onto the front of the car and starts screeching at them.

The head nun swerves back and forth, trying to shake off the vampire, but he is too strong.

Looking at the crucifix around her partner's neck, the head nun has an idea. She says to the other nun, ...

Tall and strong women inspires me.

I can always look up to them.

Did you know that Popeye the Sailor Man doesn't seem strong to the Swedes and the Norwegians?

He is, however, strong to the Finnish.

Why is Jesus so strong?

Crossfit

A heartbroken guy walks into his bar and orders a strong drink.

"You theem pretty upthet", the barman says, with a strong lisp, "I'm a good lithener if you wanna talk about it?"

The man swigs his beverage and tells the barman about how his wife has fallen out of love with him. He explains that he's decided to give her some room in hope that the time apar...

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A man is with his wife and she is having their first baby.

She gets this really strong contraction, prods him in the chest and screams at him" This is your fault, you know this "He says "Bullshit, if you remember correctly I wanted to put it in your ass. You said it was going to be too painful, well look at you now.. "

Six Supreme Court justices, floating face-down in a river

All 6 conservative members of the SCOTUS got stranded in the woods with only a giant suitcase and a couple of paddles. Then they came to a raging river- it was fast-moving, wide and rocky but only waist deep. They began to bicker over how to get across. Kavanaugh, Thomas, and Gorsuch said "We are st...

I really like strong female protagonists

You could say I'm addicted to heroine

My neighbor. She’s single. She’s shapely & beautiful and she lives right across the street.

I watched her as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on my door.

I opened the door, she looked at me and said, ”I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and have fun tonight. Are...

People are strongly attracted to yo momma

because of her gravitational force.

What has two legs and bleeds very strongly?

Half a cat.

To all the people out there suffering from paranoia, keep strong and just remember

you're not alone.

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Lazy is a very strong word!

I prefer to call it Selective Participation

There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting…

He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."

"What I want ...

I’m strongly against elephant poaching.

It makes the meat stringy and tasteless, roasting at a medium heat for 40 minutes per pound yields a much better result.

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I always play Jenga on a first date,

that way she knows how strong my pull out game is

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I don't mind if you have a strong opinion about blowjobs.

I just don't want it rammed down my throat.

I want to be as strong as Rocky Balboa

So i beat my meat every day

strong password

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

A large study shows that educational achievement and earned income strongly correlated with height.

A study carried out among hundreds of elementary school classes showed the tallest person in the room almost always had the highest income and education level.

How do 69° and 21° maintain a strong relationship?

They complement each other.

How come Thanos is so buff and strong?

He's a member of Snap fitness.
Sorry, had to blow the dust off of this joke.

I bet you $20 that you won't be able to push the same thing back in my wheelbarrow.

Two workers - one big and strong, the other small and weak - are on a building site.

The small chap says "I bet you $20 that I can push something to the end of the yard in my wheelbarrow and you won't be able to push the same thing back."

"You're on," says the big guy.

"Right...

I felt a really strong desire to support France in these Olympics, just based on the design of their flag.

Then I realised it was just a trickallure.

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After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.
As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.
The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide....

I am strongly against parents vaccinating their kids.

They should have a medical professional do it for them.

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