It took me quite a while to iron out this joke

There once was a greedy ore mining magnate who wished that everything he touched would turn into iron. He was careful to always wear gloves except when making huge loads of ore, except for one day when a mosquito landed on his knee. Not thinking, the magnate slapped his leg with his exposed hand. Hi...

What happens when you add "iron" to a male?

It becomes a **Fe**male.

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?" ...

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What amusement park ride has a lot of iron?

The ferous wheel.

Wouldn’t it be ironic if Trump was brought down

By a virus from China , named after a Mexican beer?

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

One is a super hero other one is a command.

Will we be able to watch Robert Plant, while Roger Waters and Jeremy Irons?

Probably not, but Brian May!

I was making breakfast for my kids and I tripped. I fell onto a hot iron.

It was waffle

Low blood iron gang rise up!

Wait, but not too quickly

How ironic. My wife's niece got pregnant...

on a pull-out sofa.

Iron deficiency gang please stand up

>!not too fast though.!<

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My doctor prescribed me some iron pills. Apparently they make your poop go way dark...

That's black-shit-crazy!

here is something morbidly ironic

my grandmother uh she was a cancer and she was actually killed by a giant crab

It’s ironic that Gordon Ramsay has so many kids….

Because he doesn’t serve raw meat

What's Iron Mans favourite ride at the Carnival?

The Ferrous Wheel.

Marvel is working on an Iron Man spinoff with a woman lead.

Fe Male set to hit theaters in 2021.

Why was titanium afraid of iron and argon

Because there is nothing to fear but FEAR itself

‌‌A woma‌‌n stoppe‌‌d by‌‌, unannounced‌‌, a‌‌t he‌‌r son'‌‌s house‌‌. Sh‌‌e knocke‌‌d o‌‌n th‌‌e doo‌‌r the‌‌n immediatel‌‌y walke‌‌d in.

Sh‌‌e wa‌‌s shocke‌‌d t‌‌o se‌‌e he‌‌r daughter-in-la‌‌w lyin‌‌g o‌‌n th‌‌e couch‌‌, totall‌‌y naked‌‌. Sof‌‌t musi‌‌c wa‌‌s playing‌‌, an‌‌d th‌‌e arom‌‌a o‌‌f perfum‌‌e fille‌‌d th‌‌e room‌‌. "Wha‌‌t ar‌‌e yo‌‌u doing?!‌‌", sh‌‌e asked.

"I'‌‌m waitin‌‌g fo‌‌r Mik‌‌e t‌‌o com‌‌e hom‌‌e fro‌‌...

With all the bars closed, how horribly ironic is it that Joe Diffie died?

We can't even prop him up beside the juke box.

Why is it a bad idea to iron four-leaf clovers?

Because you should never press your luck.

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It’s ironic that China doesn’t want us calling it “Chinese Coronavirus”.

They lay claim to just about about everything else even vaguely related to them: Tibet, Taiwan, Hong Kong, every tiny island for about 5,000 miles in any direction...

Ironically the covid-19 virus has managed to unite the people of the world

By making us stay as far away from each other as possible

My mother’s star sign was Cancer, so it’s pretty ironic how she died.

She was eaten by a giant crab.

A clown goes crazy and starts murdering everybody with a cast-iron skillet.

Don't get the joke? It's deadpan humor.

It's ironic that Parasite won.

Because there was no host for the Oscars.

Huh? Huh?
I'll show myself out.

Thank you for the silver star!. My first!

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise".

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. ...

Y'all heard about the white shirt wearing thief, who got away with a whole lot of iron and chromium, all without dirtying his clothes?

... It was a stainless steal...




Yes, I'll see myself out... Bye!

He call himself Iron man but his armours are actually made out of Titanium

Ironic

I made a disk out of iron that children can ride on

I guess you could call it a ferrous wheel

Why did Thor cover Iron Man's back?

Because he is an Asgardian.

It would be ironic if a movie about The Flat Earth Society...

Wins the Golden Globe award.

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Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down!

Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting bad.

I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything.

Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold...

Iron Man is a very confusing character.

I know he’s a guy but he could’ve been Fe Male.

Some guys wake up and pump iron...

I wake up and pump protein.

Told my wife that this afternoon after getting lucky this morning. I think her eyes rolled into the back of her head.

I'll probably be working out solo for a while.

I figured out why I’m so tired!

For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked.

The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the w...

I was pumping some iron in the gym yesterday,

when the trainer pointed out that the hole in the weights was supposed to be for attaching them to a bar.

What did they put on Margaret Thatcher's tombstone?

"Here Lies the Iron Lady.

May she rust in peace"

Slightly NSFW joke

Conversation between maid and owner:. (owner is a female)

Maid: I need a raise

Owner: you already have got a raise

Maid: that was 18 months ago

Owner: why do you then deserve this raise?

Maid: I am better than you in many things

Owner: ok tell me

Maid...

The word QUEUE is ironic.

It's just a Q with a bunch of silent letters waiting in line.

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A gorgeous maid met her madam and asked for a pay rise.

"why are you asking for a pay rise?" asked the madam.

"Because i iron better than you." answered the maid.

Silently fuming, the madam asked, "who said that?"

"your husband did."

Silent fuming intensifies. A bit daring, the madam asked again, "is that all you have to say?...

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Honey why do you iron your hair?

Her: To make it look longer

Later

Doctor: Let's see Luis explain to me how you burned your penis.

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A guy gets hit by a bus and finds himself in front of iron gates. Confused he asks where he is, "Hell," said the devil "but before you get overly concerned, it's not as bad as you think it is..."

"What!!" said the guy, starting to panic. "How can that be, I'm a good person, this can't be right, it can't be!"

"Calm down," said the devil, "the rules for going upstairs are a lot stricter than people realise - and besides, like I said before, it's really not that bad here."

Unconvi...

What did sodium say to the iron?

She's Na(t) Fe(r) me.

Fun fact: The USSR didn’t have iron mines.

They had iron **ours.**

A man's car breaks down outside of a monastery.

A man is driving home from a buisness trip. As he has a pretty low paying job, he doesn't have the best of cars.

After a few hours of driving, he drives past a monastery.

Unfortunately his car breaks down right in front of the monastery.

Being a man of God, he obviously figures...

There was an election amongst the elements of the periodic table and Iron voted for Zinc...

... because Zinc was able to galvanize Iron.

When I become a superhero, I'm going to call myself "Ironic".

So when there's trouble & I'm running away, people will be like "Isn't that ironic?!"

The difference between ironman and iron woman is....

One is a super hero, the other is a command.

And this type of rubbish joke is why my wife left me and the only comfort I have is reddit....I'm the real joke here.

What weighs more? 50kg of Iron or a 50kg woman?

The woman. They always lie about their weight.

A cowboy rides his horse into a small town

A cowboy rides his horse into a small town. His throat is parched, so he ties his horse to a pole next to a bar and goes in for a drink. He comes out a few minutes later, and someone already stole his horse.

The people of the town are looking to see his reaction, they aren’t even discreet a...

If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up...

They'd be alloys.

Iron man should have joined the London philharmonic orchestra.

He'd have made a good conductor.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until

they are flashing behind you.

Why Is Iron (II) Oxide So Ugly?

Because it's FeO.

I was excited to judge my first cooking competition

The local university was holding an iron chef style cooking competition where three students prepared a meal centering around a theme ingredient. The theme of the competition was turkey dinner, and before I knew it the kitchen was abuzz with the sounds and the smells of cooking.

After an hour...

What do you call Matthew Broderick after he takes his Iron deficiency pills?

Ferrous Bueller

So, Iron Man got his girlfriend pregnant...

...and as she didn't want to have a child, she decided to have an abortion. When Iron Man learned of this he protested, please don't terminate our baby. She scoffed, baby? It is barely even a (Fe)tus.

A politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and ...

My friend told me I have no idea what irony is

Which is ironic, because we were both waiting for the bus.

Captain America, The Hulk, Thor, and Iron Man all get Lego sets for Christmas.

"Avengers, assemble!"

What is Iron Man's least favorite operating system?

ThanOS

Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?

Because it has rust issues!

What's ironic about a casual screw?

He nuts and bolts

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So the Hacker group Anonymous just declared war on ISIS and Al-Queida

Quite ironic that terrorists will be killed by 72 virgins.

Brave Knight Edward is going to crusade

He doesn't know if he will ever come back or not. So, he puts on an iron chastity belt on his wife, gives the key to his best friend Micheal and says,

"If I don't come back in 3 years, set her free". Michael agrees and brave Knight Edward sets out on his big black horse. He gallops toward th...

So Iron Man and Bruce Banner walk into a bar.

They both grab a stool at the bar and start slamming shots. Tony, a notorious alcoholic, maintains his composure.

He turns over to Bruce as he hits more back. He sees Bruce getting tipsy and a bit green.

Tony: "You okay there?"

Hulk: "Hulk smashed!"

It's ironic...

Most anti-vax mothers are actually vaccinated.

Which, depending on what you believe, might explain their autism.

Everyone wants Spider-Man to be the next Iron Man

But I feel like there will always be a Stark difference

A chemist wants to open up a coffee shop

When the FDA comes to check his facility, they ask about his coffee recipe. He says, "I'm not like these other coffee shops. My coffee is made using pure science!

One part carbon monoxide and 2 parts iron."

It's quite ironic that "strap on"…

…backwards, spells 'no parts'…

I just saw my wife trip and fall over with the basket of clothes she just ironed.

I watched it all unfold.

It's ironic the character's name is Luke Skywalker...

He never walks on any skies, but he does spend the majority of the series "hand solo."

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A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five-iron wrapped around his throat.

Naturally, the doctor asked him,

“What happened to you?”

“Well,” said the man,

“I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both spliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them and while I was looking around, I noticed one of the...

What do you call it when Iron-Man wears the Ant-Man suit?

Tiny Stark

Why can’t Iron man wear Spiderman’s suit?

He’s dead

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

"Your parents when you move out."

Why does Thor iron his cloak?

Because he knows what a crisp hem's worth.

My wife has an iron deficiency.

In fact, she’s deficient with most household appliances.

What do you call your mother ironing your clothes for you

Free press

Tiger woods and the old caddy

Tiger was playing a round at Pebble Beach, his regular caddy was not available so an old-timer in the pro-shop offered to carry his bags. Tiger agreed and off they went.

Every time that Tiger hit a bad shot, the old caddy would say...

...when i was a young man, i would go for the gr...

What did the bridge say to the nervous iron worker?

Truss me.

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A guy walks into a doctors office with a 5 iron wrapped around his neck and two black eyes.

“What happened to you?” asked the doctor

“Well it all started when my wife and I were golfing and by accident she hit the ball into a cow field. When she went to investigate, I saw the ball in the cow’s ass. I went and lifted the tail of the cow and that’s when I made my mistake.”

“And...

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It’s ironic Whitney Houston did all those Pepsi endorsements

Then over dosed on Coke

An almost blind guy walked into Lover's Lane to purchase their most see-through item for his wife. After receiving some help from the store clerk, he bought a lace teddy for $500 and brought it home for his wife to try on. She took it upstairs and realized that it didn't quite fit.

But, she figured, since it's supposed to be see-through and since he's almost blind, she might as well wear nothing at all.
So she came downstairs completely naked.
"Huh," said the old man, hugging her. "For the amount I paid, they could've at least ironed the damn thing."

A man is driving late at night when his car breaks down in front of a remote Buddhist monastery.

He knocks on the door and the monks open it. He tells the monks about his situation, and how he can't call for a mechanic at those hours of the night, so he asks them if he can stay the night in the monastery. The monks happily agree, and give him a room with a bed to sleep on.

In the middle ...

Where do they send the ironic Russian emperors?

The Tsar Chasm

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My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died

She was eaten by a giant crab

A husband walks into Victoria’s Secret Store to purchase a negligee for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price — the more sheer, the higher the price.

Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

...

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The maid asked her boss, the wife for a raise, and the wife was upset.

The wife asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"

Helen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said that?"

Helen: "Your husband."

Wife: "Oh."

Helen: "The second reason is that I am a better cook tha...

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Did you know there are no canaries in the Canary Islands?

Which is ironic really. You can say the same about the Virgin Islands.

There's no canaries there either.

Have you ever heard the tragedy of Darth Plagueis, the wise?

I thought not. It's not a story the Jedi would tell you. It's a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life. He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared ab...

All Moms are like Iron Man

Because they're (Fe)male. Happy Mother's Day!

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I walled into the bedroom to find that my wife had laid out a kinky outfit for me.

She's shit at ironing.

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What do you call a metal statue of a virgin playing an electric guitar?

An iron maiden

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Isn't it ironic...

that there's no Tolkien black man in The Lord of the Rings?

What's the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man?

Iron Man stops the villains but Aluminum Man just foils their plans.

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