If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up...

They'd be alloys.

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A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five-iron wrapped around his throat.

Naturally, the doctor asked him,

“What happened to you?”

“Well,” said the man,

“I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both spliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them and while I was looking around, I noticed one of the...

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A guy gets hit by a bus and finds himself in front of iron gates. Confused he asks where he is, "Hell," said the devil "but before you get overly concerned, it's not as bad as you think it is..."

"What!!" said the guy, starting to panic. "How can that be, I'm a good person, this can't be right, it can't be!"

"Calm down," said the devil, "the rules for going upstairs are a lot stricter than people realise - and besides, like I said before, it's really not that bad here."

Unconvi...

Can everybody in the crowd with low iron please stand up?

Not too quickly though.

So Iron Man and Bruce Banner walk into a bar.

They both grab a stool at the bar and start slamming shots. Tony, a notorious alcoholic, maintains his composure.

He turns over to Bruce as he hits more back. He sees Bruce getting tipsy and a bit green.

Tony: "You okay there?"

Hulk: "Hulk smashed!"

Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?

Because it has rust issues!

A guy walks into a doctors office with a 5 iron wrapped around his neck and two black eyes.

“What happened to you?” asked the doctor

“Well it all started when my wife and I were golfing and by accident she hit the ball into a cow field. When she went to investigate, I saw the ball in the cow’s ass. I went and lifted the tail of the cow and that’s when I made my mistake.”

“And...

What the difference between Tony Stark and a vegan Big Lebowski?

One is Iron Man, and the other is iron deficient, man

The difference between ironman and iron woman is....

One is a super hero, the other is a command.

And this type of rubbish joke is why my wife left me and the only comfort I have is reddit....I'm the real joke here.

Iron deficiency gang rise up!

But not too fast

Everyone wants Spider-Man to be the next Iron Man

But I feel like there will always be a Stark difference

What did the bridge say to the nervous iron worker?

Truss me.

Moses and Jesus were golfing and Jesus says "Hand me a nine iron,"

Moses replies, "You can't use a nine iron for that shot!". Jesus say "Arnold Palmer uses a nine iron I'm going to use one,"
The next hole Jesus says "Moses give me the nine iron," Moses replies again "You can't use a nine iron for this shot,"
Jesus says,"Arnold Palmer uses a nine iron I'm goin...

Why does Thor iron his cloak?

Because he knows what a crisp hem's worth.

My wife has an iron deficiency.

In fact, she’s deficient with most household appliances.

Why can’t Iron man wear Spiderman’s suit?

He’s dead

All Moms are like Iron Man

Because they're (Fe)male. Happy Mother's Day!

What do you call it when Iron-Man wears the Ant-Man suit?

Tiny Stark

Why don't you iron four-leaf clovers?

Because you don't want to press your luck.

Time to invest! Iron is becoming scarce.

First Iron Man and then the Iron Throne? There can't be much iron left.

What weighs more? 50kg of Iron or a 50kg woman?

The woman. They always lie about their weight.

What does Iron Man become when he falls into water?

Ion man.

Scientists have discovered that there is not enough Iron dissolved in the ocean...

I guess the earth has an iron-deficient-sea!

What do you call Iron-man when he can't take his suit off?

Tony Stuck

I’ve been experimenting with iron, carbon, and aluminum to make a better toilet. I’m going to write a whitepaper on my results.

It’s titled “The FeCAl Matter.”

When YouTube keeps recommending Iron Man videos after you seen Endgame

“Everywhere I go, I see his face”

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A widowed mother of 3 is worried her children aren’t getting enough iron in their diet.

Not sure what to do, she mixes bb’s into their oatmeal. Later that day the first child comes running in the kitchen:

“Mama Mama - Guess what!?! I peed a bb!!”

“Oh, that’s good,” the mother assured, “that means you’re getting your iron.” And she gave the little tyke a cookie and sent ...

What do I usually say when people ask me who I think will sit on the Iron Throne?

It Varys

The other day my friend told me that I didn't understand what irony is

Which was ironic because we were standing at a bus stop

My girlfriend said she was leaving me because I'm low on iron

My buddy told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty other deficiency."

A phallus shaped potato ruled the world with an iron fist.

He was a Dic-tater.

A middle eastern restaurant owner bought a new waffle iron.

He wasn't sure how to use it, so he chopped up some chickpeas, rolled them in flour and pressed them between the grates.

The mayor of the town stopped by that day, excited to try the new dish.

But when he took his first bite, the mayor declared it was so bad he would ban it from being ...

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What do you get if you buy an iron sex doll?

Titanus

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

"Your parents when you move out."

My new iron is so bad it’s a joke!

It’s had me in creases all day

What's the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man?

Iron Man stops the villains but Aluminum Man just foils their plans.

hey guys im trying out jokes, What do you get when oxygen and iron meet?

Ah darn, I forgot the punchline. Sorry guys Im a little rusty

There is one villain Iron Man could never be mad at.

He finds Magneto just too darn attractive.

What did people call Iron Man after he started playing "League of Legends?"

The Toxic Avenger.

Thor, Iron Man and Hulk walk into IKEA...

Avengers... Assemble

What do you call an iron/carbon alloy that never gets embarrassed?

Shameless steel

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An iron worker moves to Iraq

An iron worker moves to Iraq to make use of all the scrap metal lying around. After a few weeks of collecting he had a few close calls with finding mines in the piles of scrap, which according to the locals was a fairly common occurrence. After nearly loosing his arms for the fifth or sixth time he ...

Love Dress

A mother stopped by unexpectedly at her son's house. She knocked on the door, then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch totally naked.

“What are you doing?!” she asked.

“I’m waiting for Jeff to come home from work,” the daughter-in-law an...

I can't place iron objects next to each other...

I'm allergic to Fe lines.

Everyone has heard of the "Stone Age", the "Bronze Age", and the "Iron Age."...

Some say that we're now in the "Information Age." I'd say that we've passed through the Information Age and a consequence of it has been a proliferation in lawsuits and other legal actions. All of this information is being used as a weapon, wielded by attorneys in courts. We are now in the age of th...

What do you call it when touching iron or copper makes you break out in hives?

A metallurgy

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A mother is worried about her children's iron intake so she decides to put some iron BB gun ammo in their oatmeal...

Later that day why the mother was doing laundry her youngest son came up to her and said, "Mom! Mom! I was peeing just now I peed out a BB!"
The mother simply replied, "Don't worry dear that's normal"
Later on her middle oldest came in and said that he had also peed out a BB.
The mother re...

Why did the Ancient Egyptians really like iron?

Because iron is pharaohmagnetic

What do Iron Man and Katie Price have in common?

They have both had a Downey Junior Inside of them

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Iron Man is sexist

The fellas down at Marvel need to create an Iron Woman. She would use her super strength and agility to get even the toughest stains out of my office slacks.

What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel

I checked the mail and all I got was a package full of iron

I guess a heavy Fe Mail is better than nothing

Anyone notice the irony behind “hyphenated”

and “non-hyphenated”?

There was once a land, far away, and many years ago, that had three kingdoms around a triangular lake.

There was once a land far away and many years ago that had three kingdoms around a triangular lake. They often warred and casualties were fierce. So they agreed to hold a tournament of all their champions on an island in the middle of the lake. The first being rich and influential sent twenty Knight...

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I walked in on Iron-Man having sex.

Spoiler alert: He was stark, fucking naked.

What did Iron man say to Captain America on the walkie talkie?

Steve, Roger that?

I kept giving all my male test subjects iron.

it kept turning them into girls. I don’t know why.

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[OC] What’s the most ironic amusement park ride?

The ferrous wheel.

Maria, a maid, asks her boss for a raise.

Her boss is annoyed and asks, "Now, Maria, why do you think you deserve a raise?"
Maria: 'Well, Señora, there are three reasons why I want an raise. First, I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband said so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'The second ...

Why are the wheels of the trains made with iron and not rubber?

Because if they were made with rubber, they would erase the line.

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces

"If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

What do you get when you cross Iron Man with Spiderman?

Pony Park

What's black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

My mom and dad run an Iron&Steel business.

My mom irons and my dad steals.

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