Iron Man stands in front of his magic mirror one morning,

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the ferrous of them all?"

How ironic, a tornado tore through Miss Oklahoma's vegetable patch the day after she was crowned Miss America.

She actually got whirled peas.

Is this fairground big wheel made of iron?

Of course it is! It's a ferrous wheel

What’s the most ironic gym phrase?

Skipping leg day.

Wouldn’t it be ironic if Trump was brought down

By a virus from China , named after a Mexican beer?

One day a man decided to retire. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank...

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How d...

What did the pants said to the iron?

Pleats! don't hurt me no more!


Edit !

Schrodinger's khakis are in a box. They might be ironed or, they might not. Either way...

... It's a pair o' Dock's

What do you call an ironing board that makes clothes wrinklier?

Irony board

Know what’s ironic?

A computer asking me if I’m a robot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My old Gramps used to say "If you've got a screwdriver set, an adjustable spanner and a soldering iron you can fix anything!"





Senile old cunt, I've just made a right fucking mess of my niece's poorly gerbil.

What did x æ a-12 got when he was given a lithium iron battery, to reboot himself?

Li-Fe

A maid asks for a raise

*Mrs*: Why do you think you deserve a raise? You have only worked here for a month.

*Maid*: I have three reasons, the first being that I cook better than you.

*Mrs*: who told you that?

*Maid*: Your husband said it.

*Mrs*: And what else?

*Maid*: He also told me that...

Iron man is actually...

Fe Male.

Ironic isn't it

Ironic how Jan-worry and Febr-worry are the only two months in 2020 without worry.

What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

One's a superhero and the other is an instruction.

It took me quite a while to iron out this joke

There once was a greedy ore mining magnate who wished that everything he touched would turn into iron. He was careful to always wear gloves except when making huge loads of ore, except for one day when a mosquito landed on his knee. Not thinking, the magnate slapped his leg with his exposed hand. Hi...

It's a bit ironic a website filled with people that don't read the articles

is called "Reddit"

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.

She removes all her clothing and asks : Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says,

Here, iron this!!

Iron Deficiency gang rise up!

But not too fast...

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?" ...

It’s ironic that Gordon Ramsay has so many kids….

Because he doesn’t serve raw meat

It's ironic that Parasite won.

Because there was no host for the Oscars.

Huh? Huh?
I'll show myself out.

Thank you for the silver star!. My first!

Will we be able to watch Robert Plant, while Roger Waters and Jeremy Irons?

Probably not, but Brian May!

What's Iron Mans favourite ride at the Carnival?

The Ferrous Wheel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What amusement park ride has a lot of iron?

The ferous wheel.

I was making breakfast for my kids and I tripped. I fell onto a hot iron.

It was waffle

It's ironic that chili is hot

**and not chilly**

Iron deficiency gang please stand up

>!not too fast though.!<

Why was titanium afraid of iron and argon

Because there is nothing to fear but FEAR itself

How ironic. My wife's niece got pregnant...

on a pull-out sofa.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor prescribed me some iron pills. Apparently they make your poop go way dark...

That's black-shit-crazy!

It’s ironic that “rain on your wedding day” is a poor example of irony.

And a “free ride when you’ve already paid” isn’t any better.

With all the bars closed, how horribly ironic is it that Joe Diffie died?

We can't even prop him up beside the juke box.

Why is it a bad idea to iron four-leaf clovers?

Because you should never press your luck.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s ironic that China doesn’t want us calling it “Chinese Coronavirus”.

They lay claim to just about about everything else even vaguely related to them: Tibet, Taiwan, Hong Kong, every tiny island for about 5,000 miles in any direction...

here is something morbidly ironic

my grandmother uh she was a cancer and she was actually killed by a giant crab

My friend had cancer for her zodiac symbol, its ironic how she died.

She was eaten by a giant crab.

Why did Thor cover Iron Man's back?

Because he is an Asgardian.

A clown goes crazy and starts murdering everybody with a cast-iron skillet.

Don't get the joke? It's deadpan humor.

‌‌A woma‌‌n stoppe‌‌d by‌‌, unannounced‌‌, a‌‌t he‌‌r son'‌‌s house‌‌. Sh‌‌e knocke‌‌d o‌‌n th‌‌e doo‌‌r the‌‌n immediatel‌‌y walke‌‌d in.

Sh‌‌e wa‌‌s shocke‌‌d t‌‌o se‌‌e he‌‌r daughter-in-la‌‌w lyin‌‌g o‌‌n th‌‌e couch‌‌, totall‌‌y naked‌‌. Sof‌‌t musi‌‌c wa‌‌s playing‌‌, an‌‌d th‌‌e arom‌‌a o‌‌f perfum‌‌e fille‌‌d th‌‌e room‌‌. "Wha‌‌t ar‌‌e yo‌‌u doing?!‌‌", sh‌‌e asked.

"I'‌‌m waitin‌‌g fo‌‌r Mik‌‌e t‌‌o com‌‌e hom‌‌e fro‌‌...

Iron Man is a very confusing character.

I know he’s a guy but he could’ve been Fe Male.

Y'all heard about the white shirt wearing thief, who got away with a whole lot of iron and chromium, all without dirtying his clothes?

... It was a stainless steal...




Yes, I'll see myself out... Bye!

Ironically the covid-19 virus has managed to unite the people of the world

By making us stay as far away from each other as possible

He call himself Iron man but his armours are actually made out of Titanium

Ironic

The word QUEUE is ironic.

It's just a Q with a bunch of silent letters waiting in line.

What weighs more? 50kg of Iron or a 50kg woman?

The woman. They always lie about their weight.

I made a disk out of iron that children can ride on

I guess you could call it a ferrous wheel

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise".

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. ...

Has anyone else noticed that “strap on”

Is “No parts” backwards. How ironic

It would be ironic if a movie about The Flat Earth Society...

Wins the Golden Globe award.

Two friends meet up, one of them has bandages over his ears

-Hey, man, what happened?

-Well, I was still sleepy when I was ironing my clothes in the morning, I heard my phone ringing and put the iron against my ear!

-Oh man, that’s rough. Hold on, you burned your ear, but why is the other one also bandaged?

-I immediately called an ambul...

My grandfather told me this one

Doctor: "so tell me, how did you burn your ear?"


Patient: "I was ironing my clothes and the phone rang, and instead of picking up the phone I put the iron to my ear"


Doctor: "so how did your other ear burn?"


Patient: "well I had to call an ambulance didn't I?"

A man was recruited for a space colony

He had been posted to a planet 14 lightyears from Sol. As his ship landed on the planet's glowing surface, he saw a car waiting for him.

"Welcome to Anti-Earth," The driver said, "don't worry we are going to change the name soon. I am here to take you to your quarters and show you the colony ...

My friend told me that I just don't understand irony.

Which was ironic, because we were stood at a bus stop when he told me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy gets hit by a bus and finds himself in front of iron gates. Confused he asks where he is, "Hell," said the devil "but before you get overly concerned, it's not as bad as you think it is..."

"What!!" said the guy, starting to panic. "How can that be, I'm a good person, this can't be right, it can't be!"

"Calm down," said the devil, "the rules for going upstairs are a lot stricter than people realise - and besides, like I said before, it's really not that bad here."

Unconvi...

The difference between ironman and iron woman is....

One is a super hero, the other is a command.

And this type of rubbish joke is why my wife left me and the only comfort I have is reddit....I'm the real joke here.

When I become a superhero, I'm going to call myself "Ironic".

So when there's trouble & I'm running away, people will be like "Isn't that ironic?!"

Fun fact: The USSR didn’t have iron mines.

They had iron **ours.**

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three guys die and go to hell. The devil meets them at the gate and explains,

“Welcome to Hell. Here, I will subject you to ironic punishment.”

He turns to the first guy and asks, “What was your major vice in life?”

“Women,” The guy said, “I loved the company of women.”

“Very well,” the devil replied before opening the door to a room full of beautiful wom...

It's ironic that in America, red white and blue stands for freedom...

... unless they're flashing behind you.

A man takes the day off to play golf

He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears,

'Ribbit, 9 Iron.'
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.
Again, he hears,

'Ribbit, 9 Iron.'
He looks at the frog and decides to prove t...

Some guys wake up and pump iron...

I wake up and pump protein.

Told my wife that this afternoon after getting lucky this morning. I think her eyes rolled into the back of her head.

I'll probably be working out solo for a while.

If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up...

They'd be alloys.

Jesus is playing golf with Moses as his caddy.

They get to a par 3, but there is a small pond between them and the hole. Jesus asks, “what should I use?” Moses responds, “Arnold Palmer can hit with a 9 iron, but you should use a 7.” Jesus days, “If Arnold can do it, I can do it.” He tees up and hits the ball into the water. He sends Moses t...

What did sodium say to the iron?

She's Na(t) Fe(r) me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Honey why do you iron your hair?

Her: To make it look longer

Later

Doctor: Let's see Luis explain to me how you burned your penis.

Iron man should have joined the London philharmonic orchestra.

He'd have made a good conductor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Farmer's Daughter

On a cold rainy evening, a salesman's car ran out of gas. Not wanting to spend the night in the car, the man sought help. Within 5 minutes the salesman spotted a barn yard light and proceeded to it. He knocked on the house door and an older farmer greeted him there.

The salesman explained he ...

I came across a poker table that had playing cards made of cast iron.

I asked the person who was handing out the cards to the players if they made the cards themselves, but they kept saying in the most poetic way that it wasn't them, because that would be illegal.

I think they're lying; whoever smelt it dealt it, whoever did the rhyme did the crime, and whoever...

I was pumping some iron in the gym yesterday,

when the trainer pointed out that the hole in the weights was supposed to be for attaching them to a bar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down!

Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting bad.

I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything.

Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold...

Matthew Broderick has just announced a sequel to one of his biggest films!

He'll play Iron Man's nephew who skips school to go on a wacky adventure in Chicago with his friends!

Its called "Ferrous Bueller's Day Off".

Slightly NSFW joke

Conversation between maid and owner:. (owner is a female)

Maid: I need a raise

Owner: you already have got a raise

Maid: that was 18 months ago

Owner: why do you then deserve this raise?

Maid: I am better than you in many things

Owner: ok tell me

Maid...

Captain America, The Hulk, Thor, and Iron Man all get Lego sets for Christmas.

"Avengers, assemble!"

I just saw my wife trip and fall over with the basket of clothes she just ironed.

I watched it all unfold.

There was an election amongst the elements of the periodic table and Iron voted for Zinc...

... because Zinc was able to galvanize Iron.

It's quite ironic that "strap on"…

…backwards, spells 'no parts'…

Why Is Iron (II) Oxide So Ugly?

Because it's FeO.

What's an ironic and hypocritical sentence?

"I'm not telling you what to do, so don't tell me what to do!"

The lucky frog

I was playing golf, and even though I am usually a pretty good player, I was playing horribly that day. As I was about to tee off at the fourth hole I heard a voice say, three wood. I looked around and no one was behind me so I took my stance. Then once again I heard ..three wood. I looked down and ...

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

"Your parents when you move out."

What do you call Matthew Broderick after he takes his Iron deficiency pills?

Ferrous Bueller

Why do metal detectors always go off when Russian men pass through it even if they’re buck naked?

It’s because of their iron will and golden balls.

It's ironic...

Most anti-vax mothers are actually vaccinated.

Which, depending on what you believe, might explain their autism.

So, Iron Man got his girlfriend pregnant...

...and as she didn't want to have a child, she decided to have an abortion. When Iron Man learned of this he protested, please don't terminate our baby. She scoffed, baby? It is barely even a (Fe)tus.

Why can’t Iron man wear Spiderman’s suit?

He’s dead

What is Iron Man's least favorite operating system?

ThanOS

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died

She was eaten by a giant crab

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor Visit

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

“Well, it was like this,” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a diffi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gorgeous maid met her madam and asked for a pay rise.

"why are you asking for a pay rise?" asked the madam.

"Because i iron better than you." answered the maid.

Silently fuming, the madam asked, "who said that?"

"your husband did."

Silent fuming intensifies. A bit daring, the madam asked again, "is that all you have to say?...

I figured out why I’m so tired!

For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked.

The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the w...

Here I made some bubble wrap

>!Iron!< >!Man !< >!dies!< >!in!< >!Infinity!< >!War!<

>!Jesus!< >!dies!< >!in!< >!the!< >!Bible!<

>!2021!< >!will!< >!be!< >!even!< >!worse!<

>!What did you expect they were marke...

A boyfriend is ending it up with his girlfriend on the phone......

Him: Babe, I'm breaking off with you. Your father threatened me yesterday.

Her: oh no! What did he say to you?

Him: he said "If you see my daughter ever again, I'll get a 12 inch iron rod and heat up half of it red hot and put the cold half up your ass"

Her: why the cold half...

So Iron Man and Bruce Banner walk into a bar.

They both grab a stool at the bar and start slamming shots. Tony, a notorious alcoholic, maintains his composure.

He turns over to Bruce as he hits more back. He sees Bruce getting tipsy and a bit green.

Tony: "You okay there?"

Hulk: "Hulk smashed!"

What's ironic about a casual screw?

He nuts and bolts

Everyone wants Spider-Man to be the next Iron Man

But I feel like there will always be a Stark difference

Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?

Because it has rust issues!

What do you call it when Iron-Man wears the Ant-Man suit?

Tiny Stark

Why does Thor iron his cloak?

Because he knows what a crisp hem's worth.

What do you call Iron Man when he's jammed inside his suit?

Tony Stuck

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr. Anderson’s automobile suddenly developed a flat tire one night

Immediately outside the strong iron fence that walled off the local mental institution.

Annoyed but resigned, Anderson jacked up the car and prepared to replace the wheel. He took off the hubcap, unscrewed the lugnuts, which he placed in the hubcap, which in turn was resting in the road, and ...

A newly wedded couple

A newly wedded couple moved in to the new house, which happened to be on the same street as grooms parents house. Living so close the mother in law loved to check on her sons wife thru the day and would pay her a visit nearly every day when her son was at work. One afternoon she knocked on the door ...

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