Fun fact: The USSR didn’t have iron mines.

They had iron **ours.**

Some guys wake up and pump iron...

I wake up and pump protein.

Told my wife that this afternoon after getting lucky this morning. I think her eyes rolled into the back of her head.

I'll probably be working out solo for a while.

What do you call a woman with iron deficiency?

Male

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Honey why do you iron your hair?

Her: To make it look longer

Later

Doctor: Let's see Luis explain to me how you burned your penis.

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A guy gets hit by a bus and finds himself in front of iron gates. Confused he asks where he is, "Hell," said the devil "but before you get overly concerned, it's not as bad as you think it is..."

"What!!" said the guy, starting to panic. "How can that be, I'm a good person, this can't be right, it can't be!"

"Calm down," said the devil, "the rules for going upstairs are a lot stricter than people realise - and besides, like I said before, it's really not that bad here."

Unconvi...

The word QUEUE is ironic.

It's just a Q with a bunch of silent letters waiting in line.

Iron deficiency gang rise up!

Then take a few moments.

What do you call Matthew Broderick after he takes his Iron deficiency pills?

Ferrous Bueller

What did sodium say to the iron?

She's Na(t) Fe(r) me.

What is Iron Man's least favorite operating system?

ThanOS

What's ironic about a casual screw?

He nuts and bolts

It's ironic the character's name is Luke Skywalker...

He never walks on any skies, but he does spend the majority of the series "hand solo."

Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?

Because it has rust issues!

I just saw my wife trip and fall over with the basket of clothes she just ironed.

I watched it all unfold.

I was having an argument with my friend the other day

He was saying that I didn't understand what irony was!

Which was ironic as we were both waiting for a bus at the time.

If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up...

They'd be alloys.

Iron man should have joined the London philharmonic orchestra.

He'd have made a good conductor.

A politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and ...

What do you call a cat that’s iron man?

Feline

The difference between ironman and iron woman is....

One is a super hero, the other is a command.

And this type of rubbish joke is why my wife left me and the only comfort I have is reddit....I'm the real joke here.

When I become a superhero, I'm going to call myself "Ironic".

So when there's trouble & I'm running away, people will be like "Isn't that ironic?!"

Everyone wants Spider-Man to be the next Iron Man

But I feel like there will always be a Stark difference

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A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five-iron wrapped around his throat.

Naturally, the doctor asked him,

“What happened to you?”

“Well,” said the man,

“I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both spliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them and while I was looking around, I noticed one of the...

So Iron Man and Bruce Banner walk into a bar.

They both grab a stool at the bar and start slamming shots. Tony, a notorious alcoholic, maintains his composure.

He turns over to Bruce as he hits more back. He sees Bruce getting tipsy and a bit green.

Tony: "You okay there?"

Hulk: "Hulk smashed!"

What do you call a molecular ring of six iron atoms?

A ferrous wheel.

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My aunts sign was cancer so her death was ironic....

Eaten alive by a giant ass crab

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until

they are flashing behind you.

Moses and Jesus were golfing and Jesus says "Hand me a nine iron,"

Moses replies, "You can't use a nine iron for that shot!". Jesus say "Arnold Palmer uses a nine iron I'm going to use one,"
The next hole Jesus says "Moses give me the nine iron," Moses replies again "You can't use a nine iron for this shot,"
Jesus says,"Arnold Palmer uses a nine iron I'm goin...

My wife has an iron deficiency.

In fact, she’s deficient with most household appliances.

Where do they send the ironic Russian emperors?

The Tsar Chasm

Why does Thor iron his cloak?

Because he knows what a crisp hem's worth.

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A guy walks into a doctors office with a 5 iron wrapped around his neck and two black eyes.

“What happened to you?” asked the doctor

“Well it all started when my wife and I were golfing and by accident she hit the ball into a cow field. When she went to investigate, I saw the ball in the cow’s ass. I went and lifted the tail of the cow and that’s when I made my mistake.”

“And...

What do you call your mother ironing your clothes for you

Free press

What do you call it when Iron-Man wears the Ant-Man suit?

Tiny Stark

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Isn't it ironic...

that there's no Tolkien black man in The Lord of the Rings?

What weighs more? 50kg of Iron or a 50kg woman?

The woman. They always lie about their weight.

Why don't you iron four-leaf clovers?

Because you don't want to press your luck.

a man takes a day off work to go golfing

He’s ready to tee off when he hears a frog, “ribbit, 9 iron”

The man is confused, but the frog speaks again, “ribbit, 9 iron”

To prove the frog wrong, the man pulls out his 9 iron and swings at the ball.

Hole in one.

The man bends down and says “you must be a lucky frog...

Time to invest! Iron is becoming scarce.

First Iron Man and then the Iron Throne? There can't be much iron left.

Why can’t Iron man wear Spiderman’s suit?

He’s dead

A man ironed his four leaf clover

He was pressing his luck

What's black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

All Moms are like Iron Man

Because they're (Fe)male. Happy Mother's Day!

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God and Jesus were ironing out the last few details of his life on earth.

"We just need to figure out your mode of death," God said. "We've narrowed it down to crucifixion or killer bees. Which do you prefer?"

Jesus thought about it for a few minutes and then said, "I think I'll go with crucifixion."

And that's why Catholics around the world make the sign of...

It's ironic...

Most anti-vax mothers are actually vaccinated.

Which, depending on what you believe, might explain their autism.

What do you call it when a wizard hits you with a frying pan

Cast iron

My friend told me that I don't know what ironic means

Which was ironic because we were at a bus stop

What do you call Iron-man when he can't take his suit off?

Tony Stuck

I’ve been experimenting with iron, carbon, and aluminum to make a better toilet. I’m going to write a whitepaper on my results.

It’s titled “The FeCAl Matter.”

When YouTube keeps recommending Iron Man videos after you seen Endgame

“Everywhere I go, I see his face”

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It’s ironic Whitney Houston did all those Pepsi endorsements

Then over dosed on Coke

What the difference between Tony Stark and a vegan Big Lebowski?

One is Iron Man, and the other is iron deficient, man

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A man is golfing one day when..

He arrives to his next hole he sees a little frog had followed him. He grabs his club and readys his swing when he hears "Ribbit, 3 Wood". He looks down at the frog surprisingly, "What was that? Did you say something?" So the man pulls out his 3 wood and hits the ball. Hole in one! He couldn't beli...

A man was recruited for a space colony

He had been posted to a planet 14 lightyears from Sol. As his ship landed on the planet's glowing surface, he saw a car waiting for him.

"Welcome to Anti-Earth," The driver said, "don't worry we are going to change the name soon.I am here to take you to your quarters and show you the colony o...

I thought I saw a sheet of metal working out

It was just a curling iron

A married couple are out golfing.

The husband slices his tee shot into the trees. They find the ball resting behind an oak. The man is about to chip out onto the fairway when his wife, standing a few feet behind, stops him. "Honey, from here I can see the flagstick. Why not try to reach the green?" He takes a look, decid...

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A Greek, A German and An Italian get stranded after a plane crash.

They wander for days until finally they see something in the distance. They approach and are found by some local tribesmen and are accused of trespassing their village. Immediately they are led in front of the local leader:

"I am in a good mood so I will let you go if you participate in a sma...

Did you hear about the raffle that a local necrophiliac club was having? They were selling a lot of tickets until the cops shut them down on the grounds that it's illegal to sell parts of a corpse.

Ironically, the police never would have found out about it if the title wasn't "A Dead Giveaway"!

Can everybody in the crowd with low iron please stand up?

Not too quickly though.

The management at my laundromat has been having some issues lately, and as a result, have been slow on getting items back

I need my suit on Sunday so I hope they've ironed things out.

Went to my doctor with a wrinkley shirt.....

He said I have an Iron deficiency

Ed Smith was a famous but rude ore trader in the area.

ED SMITH'S SHOP.

It was one of the biggest landmarks in the town. You could just look at that big metal sign and see how proud the man was of his trade.

No matter how good a businessman he was, Ed's arrogant behavior was loathed by pretty much everyone. He was too proud of his riches, ...

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Everyone thinks that unicorns never existed but it turns out they actually just went extinct

Ironically they weren't horny enough

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The Leprechaun Thief

I met a Leprechaun once, in a pub in Ireland. He was just minding his own business when I sat down on the stool next to him and ordered my drink.

"Your favourite Stout, please.", i said to the bartender. The Leprechaun turned his head and sized me up.

"You're a proper lad", he quipped....

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Bancroft was an unimpressive man

he had no viable skills or accomplishments. He has always dreamed of joining the king’s army and becoming a knight but was always rejected as he was too short. He would often complain to his friend, Alcott, about his height. He would repeatedly say, “If only I was taller, I would be able to be a kni...

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A plane passes through a severe storm...

On a Trans-Atlantic Flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman, in particular, loses it! Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane.

"I'm too young to die, I want my last ...

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Wife: "Make me feel like a woman again!"

As her husband is coming back from work, the wife is exceptionally horny today and is impatiently waiting for her man's return.

Finally, the husband arrives home.

The wife sensually says:
"Honey, make me feel like a woman again!"

The husband immediately rips his shirt off and...

My girlfriend climaxed at the season finale of Rick and Morty

She also climaxed at the finale of Iron fist.

And again at the season Finale of Game of Thrones.

She keeps coming to conclusions

What did the bridge say to the nervous iron worker?

Truss me.

Why didn't Confucius wear condoms

Because he who has a hot iron, melts rubber

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A maid asked her boss, the wife for a raise

A maid asked her boss, the wife for a raise, and the wife was upset.  

The wife asked, "Now, Karen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"  

Karen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Karen: "Your husband." 
W...

Two boys and their nuts.

On the outskirts of a small Panhandle town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. “One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,” said one boy. Severa...

A mother-in-law

stopped by unexpectedly the recently married couple's house. She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Jeff to come home from work," the daughter-in-...

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A gem I found posted at my local beer distributor:

A man came home from work and settled down in his favorite chair in front of the TV and said to his wife “quick bring me a beer before it starts!”
She looks a little puzzled but brought him a beer
When he finished it he said “Quick, bring me another beer it’s gonna start!”

This time sh...

The lines in the LGBT community flag are straight.

Ironic.

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A week at the gym

Dear Diary

For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since playing football 24 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

Called ...

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An anniversary story

An elderly couple is nearing their 50th wedding anniversary so the husband decides to do something to try and keep things fresh in the bedroom. After 50 years of marriage it’s not such a bad idea.

He goes down to the store and asks the shop assistant to show him a nice shear negligee. She sel...

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Two men waiting at the gates

“2 men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the second. "I froze to death," says the second. "That's awful," says the 1st guy “
How does it feel to freeze to death?" "It's very uncomfortable at first," says the 2nd man. "You get the shakes, and...

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