The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron,

which is ironic.

An iron deficient...

An iron deficient female is just a male.

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Iron

A kid walks into a department store and asks a clerk "if I lift an iron with my dick, what would you give me?" The clerk laughs and replies "There is no way, but if you do it, just take the iron" So he does it and takes the iron. The next day he comes with his dad. The clerk is confused so he asks t...

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What do you call a dog with iron balls and no rear paws?

Sparky

A man asks to his wife: why are you ironing the bra's if nothing is behind it?

A man asks to his wife: why are you ironing the bra's if nothing is in it?

The woman answers: i also iron your underpants right?

What does the iron deficient giant say?

“fi fo fum”

Iron Man stands in front of his magic mirror one morning,

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the ferrous of them all?"

Iron man is actually...

Fe Male.

What do you call a man made out of iron

A Fe-male

What do you get when you combine Calcium and Iron?

A cafe

My wife bought me some iron ore for Christmas.

She seems to have misunderstood when I asked for a slag.

What happened to Iron man when he wanted some salt?

He got a divorce form his wife Pepper.

My friend with iron deficiency was getting bullied

It was a shame he couldn't stand up for himself

These days, iron and steel are traded on the international commodity market, and if you need some, you just need to contact a trader.

Formerly, if you wanted iron or steel, you would need to go to an ironworks or even a blacksmith's and negotiate directly with the men who made it.

Whoever smelted, dealt it.

Before leaving for a battle, King Arthur puts a strong iron chastity belt on his wife Guinevere and entrusts the key to his most loyal knight, Eddie. Then King Arthur departs.

Five minutes into his journey, King Arthur hears Eddie screaming for him to stop. King Arthur signals his steed to halt and waits for Eddie to catch up.

"Eddie!" the king says, "What's the matter?"

"Your highness," says Eddie. "You gave me the wrong key."

So a politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

‟So, you’re a politician...”
‟Well, yes, is that a problem?”
‟Oh no, no problem. But we have recently adopted a new system for people in your line of wo...

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Pretty ironic they used to sacrifice virgins to call down rain

Considering they're known for having the longest dry spells.

My wife said she was feeling light-headed from a low iron level.

To help her, I raised the ironing board to a more suitable height.

What is an ironing board?

A surf board which gave up on its dreams and went to work.

Wouldn’t it be ironic if Trump was brought down

By a virus from China , named after a Mexican beer?

Is this fairground big wheel made of iron?

Of course it is! It's a ferrous wheel

How ironic, a tornado tore through Miss Oklahoma's vegetable patch the day after she was crowned Miss America.

She actually got whirled peas.

Know what’s ironic?

A computer asking me if I’m a robot.

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

One is a super hero other one is a command.

What’s the most ironic gym phrase?

Skipping leg day.

Tony Stark gives TED talks for a post-Iron Man living

He has done it many times before, and his 'If you're nothing without it then you shouldn't have it' motto is widely followed by the entire world.

"But I'm nothing without GTA V!" "If you're nothing without GTA V then you shouldn't have it." for example.

One day, the entire world is in ...

What did the pants said to the iron?

Pleats! don't hurt me no more!


Edit !

What do you call an ironing board that makes clothes wrinklier?

Irony board

What did x æ a-12 got when he was given a lithium iron battery, to reboot himself?

Li-Fe

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My old Gramps used to say "If you've got a screwdriver set, an adjustable spanner and a soldering iron you can fix anything!"





Senile old cunt, I've just made a right fucking mess of my niece's poorly gerbil.

It's ironic that Parasite won.

Because there was no host for the Oscars.

Huh? Huh?
I'll show myself out.

Thank you for the silver star!. My first!

It's a bit ironic a website filled with people that don't read the articles

is called "Reddit"

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This wealthy couple are employing a housemaid. She decides to ask for a raise.

She goes to the lady and asks: “Ma’am, I’d like a raise.”

The lady responds: “A raise? But why on earth? I see no reason why.”

The housemaid says: “Well, for starters, I cook better than you, ma’am.”

The lady gets annoyed and replies: “Where does that come from?”

“Well, M...

Iron Deficiency gang rise up!

But not too fast...

Why was titanium afraid of iron and argon

Because there is nothing to fear but FEAR itself

It took me quite a while to iron out this joke

There once was a greedy ore mining magnate who wished that everything he touched would turn into iron. He was careful to always wear gloves except when making huge loads of ore, except for one day when a mosquito landed on his knee. Not thinking, the magnate slapped his leg with his exposed hand. Hi...

Ironic isn't it

Ironic how Jan-worry and Febr-worry are the only two months in 2020 without worry.

One day a man decided to retire. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank...

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How d...

It’s ironic that Gordon Ramsay has so many kids….

Because he doesn’t serve raw meat

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

"One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One ...

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?" ...

Iron Man is a very confusing character.

I know he’s a guy but he could’ve been Fe Male.

It's ironic that chili is hot

**and not chilly**

What's Iron Mans favourite ride at the Carnival?

The Ferrous Wheel.

A maid asks for a raise

*Mrs*: Why do you think you deserve a raise? You have only worked here for a month.

*Maid*: I have three reasons, the first being that I cook better than you.

*Mrs*: who told you that?

*Maid*: Your husband said it.

*Mrs*: And what else?

*Maid*: He also told me that...

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What amusement park ride has a lot of iron?

The ferous wheel.

What weighs more? 50kg of Iron or a 50kg woman?

The woman. They always lie about their weight.

Why did King Midas have constant fatigue?

He had an iron deficiency.

Iron deficiency gang please stand up

>!not too fast though.!<

I was making breakfast for my kids and I tripped. I fell onto a hot iron.

It was waffle

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Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down!

Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting bad.

I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything.

Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold a...

Husband - My wife is missing. She went out yesterday and has not come home...

*Police Sergeant*:
What is her height?

*Husband*:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

*Sergeant*:
Colour of eyes?

*Husband*:
Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

*Sergeant*:
Colour of hair?

*Husband*:
Changes a couple times a ...

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.

She removes all her clothing and asks : Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says,

Here, iron this!!

My dad's star sign was cancer which is ironic considering how he died

He was attacked by a giant crab

How ironic. My wife's niece got pregnant...

on a pull-out sofa.

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My doctor prescribed me some iron pills. Apparently they make your poop go way dark...

That's black-shit-crazy!

here is something morbidly ironic

my grandmother uh she was a cancer and she was actually killed by a giant crab

The word QUEUE is ironic.

It's just a Q with a bunch of silent letters waiting in line.

With all the bars closed, how horribly ironic is it that Joe Diffie died?

We can't even prop him up beside the juke box.

How did Hellen Keller burn her fingers?

She tried to read the waffle iron.

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order Chicken Surprise

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.
"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.

He has...

The Lucky Frog

A man goes golfing and notices a frog in the green at the first hole. He doesn’t think anything about it, puts the ball on the tee and prepares to swing when he hears, “Ribbit, 9 iron.”

The man looks around in surprise but doesn’t see anyone. He turns back to his ball and prepares to swing a...

Why is it a bad idea to iron four-leaf clovers?

Because you should never press your luck.

Short Chemistry Joke For You All

What are the elements of life?









Lithium and Iron

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It’s ironic that China doesn’t want us calling it “Chinese Coronavirus”.

They lay claim to just about about everything else even vaguely related to them: Tibet, Taiwan, Hong Kong, every tiny island for about 5,000 miles in any direction...

Why did Thor cover Iron Man's back?

Because he is an Asgardian.

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Three men are having a contest

The contest is to see who can keep their genital in a waffle iron for the longest. The first man turns the iron on, puts his penis in, pulls out after two seconds. The next man follows suit and lasts four seconds. The third lasted an entire five minutes and when asked about how he won he said “They ...

What do you call a superhero with polio

The Iron Lung

A clown goes crazy and starts murdering everybody with a cast-iron skillet.

Don't get the joke? It's deadpan humor.

Y'all heard about the white shirt wearing thief, who got away with a whole lot of iron and chromium, all without dirtying his clothes?

... It was a stainless steal...




Yes, I'll see myself out... Bye!

I made a disk out of iron that children can ride on

I guess you could call it a ferrous wheel

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[NSFW] A American businessman takes a trip to Japan

An American businessman travels to Japan for a very important business meeting that will make or break his career. He realizes that sealing the deal for their business will not happen in the board room and so he agrees to join them afterwards for a night out on the town.

After a night of dri...

Ironically the covid-19 virus has managed to unite the people of the world

By making us stay as far away from each other as possible

I played Frisbee golf today...

Or golf-frisbee... Or whatever you call it when you fling a 9 iron into the woods.

The hangover man woke up in the morning with a big headache.

He barely opened his eyes and looked around, straightening up.
A glass of water and two aspirin stands on the nightstand. Her clothes were clean and ironed on the chair at the foot of the bed.
While drinking the aspirin, the note on the bedside table caught his attention;
"My darling, good ...

When I become a superhero, I'm going to call myself "Ironic".

So when there's trouble & I'm running away, people will be like "Isn't that ironic?!"

It's ironic that in America, red white and blue stands for freedom...

... unless they're flashing behind you.

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A guy gets hit by a bus and finds himself in front of iron gates. Confused he asks where he is, "Hell," said the devil "but before you get overly concerned, it's not as bad as you think it is..."

"What!!" said the guy, starting to panic. "How can that be, I'm a good person, this can't be right, it can't be!"

"Calm down," said the devil, "the rules for going upstairs are a lot stricter than people realise - and besides, like I said before, it's really not that bad here."

Unconvi...

The difference between ironman and iron woman is....

One is a super hero, the other is a command.

And this type of rubbish joke is why my wife left me and the only comfort I have is reddit....I'm the real joke here.

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A guy walks up to a bartender with $10,000 in cash.

He says, "Hey bartender, I've got a bet for you. I bet you this ten grand that you can put this shot glass at the other end of the bar, and I can piss in it from over here without spilling a single drop."

The bartender ponders and ponders, and finally decides this is iron clad. No way he can ...

I’m really bad at saying no to people, especially beautiful women.

Which is ironic because they’re really good at saying no to me.

It would be ironic if a movie about The Flat Earth Society...

Wins the Golden Globe award.

‌‌A woma‌‌n stoppe‌‌d by‌‌, unannounced‌‌, a‌‌t he‌‌r son'‌‌s house‌‌. Sh‌‌e knocke‌‌d o‌‌n th‌‌e doo‌‌r the‌‌n immediatel‌‌y walke‌‌d in.

Sh‌‌e wa‌‌s shocke‌‌d t‌‌o se‌‌e he‌‌r daughter-in-la‌‌w lyin‌‌g o‌‌n th‌‌e couch‌‌, totall‌‌y naked‌‌. Sof‌‌t musi‌‌c wa‌‌s playing‌‌, an‌‌d th‌‌e arom‌‌a o‌‌f perfum‌‌e fille‌‌d th‌‌e room‌‌. "Wha‌‌t ar‌‌e yo‌‌u doing?!‌‌", sh‌‌e asked.

"I'‌‌m waitin‌‌g fo‌‌r Mik‌‌e t‌‌o com‌‌e hom‌‌e fro‌‌...

It's quite ironic that "strap on"…

…backwards, spells 'no parts'…

Quasimodo's mother returns from grocery shopping with, among the groceries, a large steel wok.

"Oh, mummy, this is wonderful," says Quasimodo. "I just love Chinese food!"

"It's not for cooking," says his mother, "it's for ironing your shirts."

Fun fact: The USSR didn’t have iron mines.

They had iron **ours.**

If Ice Cream Required a Prescription

Each scoop would cost $300 negotiated down to a mere $50.

It would only be available at the pharmacy across town.

You would have to buy 200 pounds at a shot and store it on your own.

There would only be one flavor, black licorice.

It'll take 20 years for a generic ice...

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Honey why do you iron your hair?

Her: To make it look longer

Later

Doctor: Let's see Luis explain to me how you burned your penis.

What did sodium say to the iron?

She's Na(t) Fe(r) me.

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

"Your parents when you move out."

If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up...

They'd be alloys.

News: Man burns at Burning Man

His last words: "The irony stings. But what really hurts is the burning."

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My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died

She was eaten by a giant crab

Some guys wake up and pump iron...

I wake up and pump protein.

Told my wife that this afternoon after getting lucky this morning. I think her eyes rolled into the back of her head.

I'll probably be working out solo for a while.

Hummer is launching an EV,

Iron-E..

It's ironic...

Most anti-vax mothers are actually vaccinated.

Which, depending on what you believe, might explain their autism.

Why can’t Iron man wear Spiderman’s suit?

He’s dead

Iron man should have joined the London philharmonic orchestra.

He'd have made a good conductor.

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Plane in a storm.

A plane gets caught up in a violent storm. Lightning bolts hit the plane several times, strong winds buffet it in all directions. All of the passengers are sure they are going to die. Some are screaming, many are throwing up, a few are praying.

Finally, an attractive, smartly-dressed business...

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NSFW Two men & a women are sitting in a bar drinking Manhattans..

After awhile their conversation turns to their respective professions.

First guy says: "Well I'm a YUPPIE. You know: Young Urban Professional.

Second guy say: Yeah? I'm whats known as a DINK.
You know: Double Income, No Kids.

Then the woman says: Oh really you guys? Well I'l...

Captain America, The Hulk, Thor, and Iron Man all get Lego sets for Christmas.

"Avengers, assemble!"

Why Is Iron (II) Oxide So Ugly?

Because it's FeO.

I just saw my wife trip and fall over with the basket of clothes she just ironed.

I watched it all unfold.

There was an election amongst the elements of the periodic table and Iron voted for Zinc...

... because Zinc was able to galvanize Iron.

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