What's the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man?

Iron Man stops the bad guys.
Aluminum Man just foils their plans.

The most ironic part about working at the unemployment office is...

If you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron

Which is ironic.

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My grandfather once boasted he could hit a man between the buttocks from 200 yards with iron sights

That's quite the crack shot

Isn't it ironic that the world's greatest composers; Bach, Beethoven, and Mozart...

... Have spent the last 200 years decomposing?

Thank you. Thank you very much.

I love you all.

What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

The first is a super hero, the other is simply a command.



PS: It's a joke, women are awesome.

I heard Barcelona is ironing out a new deal with their best player.

It might get Messi

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

Your Parents when you move out ;)

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Update on an Ironic Classic

A man goes to the doctor, says he's depressed, says life seems harsh, heartless and cruel. He's all alone in a threatening world, and what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him, that should pick you up." Man bur...

Iron Man never got along with Aquaman.

He has rust issues

What did the iron say to the gold when it tried to wake him up?

AU, get out of here!

I find it ironic that the colors red, white and blue stand for freedom.....

Until they are flashing behind you!

Why is it a bad idea to iron your four leaf clover?

Because you shouldn't press your luck!

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The only thing more ironic than a mother calling her son a son of a bitch...

Is a kid calling his father a motherfucker.

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A farmer is worried that his sex life with his wife is getting a bit dry (NSFW)

They go to see a therapist, who asks them what they think the problem is. The wife says, "I just don't have time for it, I'm too busy cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry and everything else. Sex is starting to lose its appeal".

The farmer is disheartened to hear this, but listens to the ther...

Iron-man and Silver Surfer are teaming up

The are alloys now.

You wanna hear about something ironic? My grandma’s zodiac sign was Cancer.

She was killed... by a giant crab.

A man asks to his wife: why are you ironing the bra's if nothing is behind it?

A man asks to his wife: why are you ironing the bra's if nothing is in it?

The woman answers: i also iron your underpants right?

Heard a rumor that Iron Man is going to be the newest Disney Princess...

...they're always on the lookout for a strong Fe male character.

The other day my friend was telling me that I didn’t understand what irony meant.

Which is ironic, because we were standing at a bus stop.

My iron broke due to overheating

The irony

If you think about it, Iron Man, under all that technology, the fancy clothes and the expensive jewellery...

He is just... Stark naked!

Captain America asks Iron Man "How much did it cost to kill your parents?"

One buck.

Don't make a decision before you have studied all its aspects ! Don't make a decision when you are angry !

An iron company manager, while touring the company noticed a young man leaning against the wall and doing nothing.

He approached him and said softly, "How much is your salary?"

The young man was calm and surprised by the personal question.

He answered, "2500 dollars a month, sir...

A plane is about to crash

A female passenger jumps up frantically and announces "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothes and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is manly enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt, and says, "Here...

Low iron deficiency gang STAND UP!

But not too fast.

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"Why do you women use hair straightening irons?" "To make our hair look longer!"

Doctor: "How did you manage to get that burn on your penis, Sir?"

What do you call a female version of Iron Man?

Fe Male

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My neighbor’s dog keeps going in my yard

I tell my neighbor politely a few times to keep his dog in his yard, but every evening I come out to a fresh pile.

I tell him to clean it up, but he never does, so I give him an ultimatum: “The next time your dog comes into my yard I am going to cook him.”

The next day, sure as anythin...

John rolls out of his room into the apartment,

John rolls out of his room into the apartment, looking like some misshapen ball. His roommate Ron, horrified, asks what happened.

“Oh nothing major, I just found a genie and told him I could use a joint, looks like he misinterpreted and turned me into a human knee,” said John.

“A kn...

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The maid asked for a raise

[Long]

The maid asked for a raise. The woman asked her why.

Maid : "For three reasons. Number 1, I iron clothes better than you."

Woman : "Who said that?"

Maid : "Your husband said that"

Woman : "Oh"

Maid : "Secondly, I cook better than you"

Woman : "...

Wouldn’t it be ironic if Trump was brought down

By a virus from China , named after a Mexican beer?

What's ironic about having a left handed pen

It's for righting.

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An 85 year old man wanted to spice up his marriage

He went to a lingerie shop to get a sexy lingerie for his 80 year old wife. He got an expensive one and went home.

Later that night he gave it to his wife and told her to put it on. She went to the bathroom to put it on and found out that it was too small for her. She thought “He does not hav...

Iron Man stands in front of his magic mirror one morning,

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the ferrous of them all?"

Thereʻs nothing ironic about rain on your wedding day.

It’s normal for a couple to have a bridal shower.

What's Iron Man's favorite type of housework?

Hoovering

The cover on my ironing board was wrinkled

so I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of "irony."

A strange woman approached me in a shady bar.

She winked, and said "For $50, darling, I'll do stuff for you your wife would never do."

I gave her $50, got her to do the ironing.

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Adolf Hitler dies and arrives at the gates of heaven …

Jesus opens the gate and asks what he wants.

“ can I get into heaven ?”asks Hitler.

Jesus looks at him in disbelief “ your joking? You’re Adolf Hitler one of the most hated men in history, responsible for the death and suffering of millions.. I don’t think so!”

Hitler says “ I t...

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2 guys get caught by jungle people

One day 2 guys are going somewhere via a dense forest. Suddenly they get surrounded by tribals.
"You have dared to cross our private territory. You must pay now. Either face the leader's punishment or face death"

Guy 1 opts for the leader's punishment.
The leader shows up: "you have t...

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Jesus and Moses go golfing.

Is set up to the ninth hole and see a large water trap in front of them. Jesus says to Moses "Arnold Palmer got a birdie with a five iron here"
Moses says it's not a good club but Jesus insists that Arnold Palmer got a birdie with a 5 iron.
Jesus hit the ball and... splash, right into the wat...

You know you're a hipster when...

You iron your non-iron shirts just to be ironic.

What weighs more? 50kg of Iron or a 50kg woman?

The woman. They always lie about their weight.

What does the iron deficient giant say?

“fi fo fum”

There was a husband who used to leave his wife to go for long business trips frequently

The wife used to complain all the time because she missed him terribly and used to feel very lonely. So one day the husband returns from a trip with a puppy.

W: What shall we call him?

H: Great Reluctance

W: Why?

H: Because everytime I go, I leave you with Great Reluctanc...

My wife always thinks really hard about ironing vs. putting her shirts in the dryer to get rid of wrinkles.

I asked her to not be so clothes-minded.

What do you call a bully who rules the playground with an iron fist?

A dictator-tot.

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The dress of love

A young woman is about to get married and wants to make her first night with her husband to be as special as possible. While she is wedding planning with her mother, aunt and grandma she decides to ask them what she should do during the wedding night to get her husband really going. Her mom goes fir...

The Robot Family.

It's a big night for XR-573, the patriarch of the robot family. Not only are all three of his sons going to be over for dinner for the first time in years, but all three of them have brand new fiancées! XR-573 and his wife Z7-271 are both very excited to see their children and learn all about their ...

What happened to Iron man when he wanted some salt?

He got a divorce form his wife Pepper.

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so ...

What do you get when you combine Calcium and Iron?

A cafe

My wife bought me some iron ore for Christmas.

She seems to have misunderstood when I asked for a slag.

It's ironic that Parasite won.

Because there was no host for the Oscars.

Huh? Huh?
I'll show myself out.

Thank you for the silver star!. My first!

Before leaving for a battle, King Arthur puts a strong iron chastity belt on his wife Guinevere and entrusts the key to his most loyal knight, Eddie. Then King Arthur departs.

Five minutes into his journey, King Arthur hears Eddie screaming for him to stop. King Arthur signals his steed to halt and waits for Eddie to catch up.

"Eddie!" the king says, "What's the matter?"

"Your highness," says Eddie. "You gave me the wrong key."

These days, iron and steel are traded on the international commodity market, and if you need some, you just need to contact a trader.

Formerly, if you wanted iron or steel, you would need to go to an ironworks or even a blacksmith's and negotiate directly with the men who made it.

Whoever smelted, dealt it.

One for you, one for me

On the outskirts of a small Panhandle town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out  of sight, and began dividing the nuts.  “One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,”  said one boy. Severa...

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Pretty ironic they used to sacrifice virgins to call down rain

Considering they're known for having the longest dry spells.

What did x æ a-12 got when he was given a lithium iron battery, to reboot himself?

Li-Fe

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon.

When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
Her mother asked, “How was the honeymoon?”
“Oh, Mum,” she replied, “the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic…”
Suddenly she burst out crying.
“But, Mum, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language…things...

My wife said she was feeling light-headed from a low iron level.

To help her, I raised the ironing board to a more suitable height.

Why was titanium afraid of iron and argon

Because there is nothing to fear but FEAR itself

It took me quite a while to iron out this joke

There once was a greedy ore mining magnate who wished that everything he touched would turn into iron. He was careful to always wear gloves except when making huge loads of ore, except for one day when a mosquito landed on his knee. Not thinking, the magnate slapped his leg with his exposed hand. Hi...

Know what’s ironic?

A computer asking me if I’m a robot.

It's quite ironic that "strap on"…

…backwards, spells 'no parts'…

The word QUEUE is ironic.

It's just a Q with a bunch of silent letters waiting in line.

New bull on the farm

Three bulls on the farm. They were just working out divvying up the heifers (young female cows). The biggest claims 60 of the 100 heifers. The second one claims 30 and the smallest, a puny runt gets 10.

Just as they ironed out the details, a huge trailer rolls up and out walks a monster of a ...

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My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died

She was eaten by a giant crab

What is an ironing board?

A surf board which gave up on its dreams and went to work.

What do you call an ironing board that wrinkles your clothes even more?

An irony board.

What do you call a golfer with anemia?

A 9-iron

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My old Gramps used to say "If you've got a screwdriver set, an adjustable spanner and a soldering iron you can fix anything!"





Senile old cunt, I've just made a right fucking mess of my niece's poorly gerbil.

Is this fairground big wheel made of iron?

Of course it is! It's a ferrous wheel

A Man Walked into a Bar

A man walked into a bar. He immediately fell over and exclaimed "ouch, my head!"




































It was an iron bar.

What did the pants said to the iron?

Pleats! don't hurt me no more!


Edit !

How ironic, a tornado tore through Miss Oklahoma's vegetable patch the day after she was crowned Miss America.

She actually got whirled peas.

Tony Stark gives TED talks for a post-Iron Man living

He has done it many times before, and his 'If you're nothing without it then you shouldn't have it' motto is widely followed by the entire world.

"But I'm nothing without GTA V!" "If you're nothing without GTA V then you shouldn't have it." for example.

One day, the entire world is in ...

It’s ironic that Gordon Ramsay has so many kids….

Because he doesn’t serve raw meat

Will we be able to watch Robert Plant, while Roger Waters and Jeremy Irons?

Probably not, but Brian May!

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A guy gets hit by a bus and finds himself in front of iron gates. Confused he asks where he is, "Hell," said the devil "but before you get overly concerned, it's not as bad as you think it is..."

"What!!" said the guy, starting to panic. "How can that be, I'm a good person, this can't be right, it can't be!"

"Calm down," said the devil, "the rules for going upstairs are a lot stricter than people realise - and besides, like I said before, it's really not that bad here."

Unconvi...

When I become a superhero, I'm going to call myself "Ironic".

So when there's trouble & I'm running away, people will be like "Isn't that ironic?!"

Ironic isn't it

Ironic how Jan-worry and Febr-worry are the only two months in 2020 without worry.

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What amusement park ride has a lot of iron?

The ferous wheel.

It's a bit ironic a website filled with people that don't read the articles

is called "Reddit"

Schrodinger's khakis are in a box. They might be ironed or, they might not. Either way...

... It's a pair o' Dock's

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Big Game Hunter goes to Siberia to hunt Russian Bear

When he arrives on the train station (probably the only one in Siberia) he is greeted by the village hunter/gatherer/provider who has a very mangy, tiny, old dog leashed with a massive iron chain.
\-"Right, I'll help you." says the native "Here's what we're going to need: A great big blow horn,...

With all the bars closed, how horribly ironic is it that Joe Diffie died?

We can't even prop him up beside the juke box.

Why did Thor cover Iron Man's back?

Because he is an Asgardian.

What's Iron Mans favourite ride at the Carnival?

The Ferrous Wheel.

The difference between ironman and iron woman is....

One is a super hero, the other is a command.

And this type of rubbish joke is why my wife left me and the only comfort I have is reddit....I'm the real joke here.

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It’s ironic that China doesn’t want us calling it “Chinese Coronavirus”.

They lay claim to just about about everything else even vaguely related to them: Tibet, Taiwan, Hong Kong, every tiny island for about 5,000 miles in any direction...

I was making breakfast for my kids and I tripped. I fell onto a hot iron.

It was waffle

So a politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

‟So, you’re a politician...”
‟Well, yes, is that a problem?”
‟Oh no, no problem. But we have recently adopted a new system for people in your line of wo...

It's ironic...

Most anti-vax mothers are actually vaccinated.

Which, depending on what you believe, might explain their autism.

Why can’t Iron man wear Spiderman’s suit?

He’s dead

I just saw my wife trip and fall over with the basket of clothes she just ironed.

I watched it all unfold.

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