Iron-man and Silver Surfer are teaming up

The are alloys now.

What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

The first is a super hero, the other is simply a command.



PS: It's a joke, women are awesome.

Low iron deficiency gang STAND UP!

But not too fast.

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"Why do you women use hair straightening irons?" "To make our hair look longer!"

Doctor: "How did you manage to get that burn on your penis, Sir?"

You wanna hear about something ironic? My grandma’s zodiac sign was Cancer.

She was killed... by a giant crab.

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What do you call a dog with iron balls and no rear paws?

Sparky

Iron Man stands in front of his magic mirror one morning,

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the ferrous of them all?"

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron,

which is ironic.

What do you call a female version of Iron Man?

Fe Male

What's ironic about having a left handed pen

It's for righting.

The cover on my ironing board was wrinkled

so I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of "irony."

What do you call a potato made of iron ?

Tony Starch

My wife always thinks really hard about ironing vs. putting her shirts in the dryer to get rid of wrinkles.

I asked her to not be so clothes-minded.

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so ...

Thereʻs nothing ironic about rain on your wedding day.

It’s normal for a couple to have a bridal shower.

What does the iron deficient giant say?

“fi fo fum”

Wouldn’t it be ironic if Trump was brought down

By a virus from China , named after a Mexican beer?

My wife is madder at me than she has ever been.

She tripped and fell while carrying clothes she just ironed.
I didn't move.

"What are you doing?!" She yelled at me.

"Watching it all unfold," I said.

Before leaving for a battle, King Arthur puts a strong iron chastity belt on his wife Guinevere and entrusts the key to his most loyal knight, Eddie. Then King Arthur departs.

Five minutes into his journey, King Arthur hears Eddie screaming for him to stop. King Arthur signals his steed to halt and waits for Eddie to catch up.

"Eddie!" the king says, "What's the matter?"

"Your highness," says Eddie. "You gave me the wrong key."

These days, iron and steel are traded on the international commodity market, and if you need some, you just need to contact a trader.

Formerly, if you wanted iron or steel, you would need to go to an ironworks or even a blacksmith's and negotiate directly with the men who made it.

Whoever smelted, dealt it.

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Pretty ironic they used to sacrifice virgins to call down rain

Considering they're known for having the longest dry spells.

What is the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman?

One is a superhero and the other is a command.

My wife said she was feeling light-headed from a low iron level.

To help her, I raised the ironing board to a more suitable height.

What do you get when you combine Calcium and Iron?

A cafe

My wife bought me some iron ore for Christmas.

She seems to have misunderstood when I asked for a slag.

What is an ironing board?

A surf board which gave up on its dreams and went to work.

What's heavier: A pound of iron or a pound of feathers?

The only correct answer is a pound of feathers. And while it's true they both weigh the same, with a pound of feathers you have to live with what was done to those poor birds.

What do you call an ironing board that wrinkles your clothes even more?

An irony board.

So a politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

‟So, you’re a politician...”
‟Well, yes, is that a problem?”
‟Oh no, no problem. But we have recently adopted a new system for people in your line of wo...

Know what’s ironic?

A computer asking me if I’m a robot.

Is this fairground big wheel made of iron?

Of course it is! It's a ferrous wheel

How ironic, a tornado tore through Miss Oklahoma's vegetable patch the day after she was crowned Miss America.

She actually got whirled peas.

What did x æ a-12 got when he was given a lithium iron battery, to reboot himself?

Li-Fe

It took me quite a while to iron out this joke

There once was a greedy ore mining magnate who wished that everything he touched would turn into iron. He was careful to always wear gloves except when making huge loads of ore, except for one day when a mosquito landed on his knee. Not thinking, the magnate slapped his leg with his exposed hand. Hi...

Iron Man is a very confusing character.

I know he’s a guy but he could’ve been Fe Male.

It's ironic that Parasite won.

Because there was no host for the Oscars.

Huh? Huh?
I'll show myself out.

Thank you for the silver star!. My first!

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My old Gramps used to say "If you've got a screwdriver set, an adjustable spanner and a soldering iron you can fix anything!"





Senile old cunt, I've just made a right fucking mess of my niece's poorly gerbil.

What did the pants said to the iron?

Pleats! don't hurt me no more!


Edit !

What’s the most ironic gym phrase?

Skipping leg day.

Tony Stark gives TED talks for a post-Iron Man living

He has done it many times before, and his 'If you're nothing without it then you shouldn't have it' motto is widely followed by the entire world.

"But I'm nothing without GTA V!" "If you're nothing without GTA V then you shouldn't have it." for example.

One day, the entire world is in ...

Pete was having a tough day at work...

His boss was berating him for a simple mistake. His coworkers were irritable. Customers were condescending. The only thing getting him through the day was knowing that his new golf clubs were coming in the mail later that day. He finally gets to leave work and gets home. He cracks open his bee...

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A woman took a flight for the first time

A while into the flight the pilot announces that because of difficulties with the plane's engines, he must make an emergency landing.

The woman, fearing that this may be the end of her life looks over to a man sitting next to her, rips her shirt and bra off, and throws herself on him. "Make ...

Why was titanium afraid of iron and argon

Because there is nothing to fear but FEAR itself

What weighs more? 50kg of Iron or a 50kg woman?

The woman. They always lie about their weight.

Ironic isn't it

Ironic how Jan-worry and Febr-worry are the only two months in 2020 without worry.

The wife told me the cat had to be chipped.

I only have a nine iron but i still got it over the shed

It's a little-known fact that legendary stuntman Evel Kneivel had an IQ of 160, the same as genius professor Stephen Hawking.

Ironically, they also shared a love of ramps.

It's a bit ironic a website filled with people that don't read the articles

is called "Reddit"

It’s ironic that Gordon Ramsay has so many kids….

Because he doesn’t serve raw meat

A man comes home and sees his wife laying naked in the bedroom.

"Whats that?" The man asks.
"Thats the dress of love" says his wife.
The man replies: " You should have ironed that"

Old Age Fun

Told to me by my 80 year old mother. Elizabeth and Gladys were stuck in an older folks home and bored to tears. So they decided to have a little fun and excitement. They go into the closet and strip naked. Then they run through the card room were two old fellas are playing cards. Tom saids to ...

The word QUEUE is ironic.

It's just a Q with a bunch of silent letters waiting in line.

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What amusement park ride has a lot of iron?

The ferous wheel.

Will we be able to watch Robert Plant, while Roger Waters and Jeremy Irons?

Probably not, but Brian May!

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence.

One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he pas...

It's ironic that chili is hot

**and not chilly**

A wife approaches her husband - fuming.

She says to him "I've done the dishes, done the laundry, ironed ALL the clothes and cleaned the house. Meanwhile, you've done NOTHING but wait for me to bring you a GOD DAMNED BEER! What does that say about you??"

The husband replies: "It says I am very patient".

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Tom and Yuu's love story

Tom Wake and Yuu Watanabe met in Japan while Tom was on a business trip. Ironically, Tom didn't want to take the job, but he was the only one fluent in Japanese, so he reluctantly went on the trip. Usually, deals like these took place over video conferences, but the company's client insisted on meet...

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John Cooper Clarke's hairdresser joke, slightly paraphrased.

A man is at the hairdresser and makes conversation.

The hairdresser asks him "You going anywhere for your holidays?"

The man says, "Me and my wife are going to Rome".

"Why do you want to go to Rome?"

"I love Italian food".

"Well, it's all fish and chip shops in Rom...

My wife told me that I don't understand what irony means.

It was especially ironic because we were at the bus stop.

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A woman was asked for a pay raise by her maid

Woman: Why do you want a raise?

Maid: There are 3 reasons why I want a raise. The first one is that I iron better than you.

Woman: Bullshit! Who said that you iron better than me?

Maid: Your husband said so.

Woman: Oh...

Maid: The second reason is that I am a bette...

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This wealthy couple are employing a housemaid. She decides to ask for a raise.

She goes to the lady and asks: “Ma’am, I’d like a raise.”

The lady responds: “A raise? But why on earth? I see no reason why.”

The housemaid says: “Well, for starters, I cook better than you, ma’am.”

The lady gets annoyed and replies: “Where does that come from?”

“Well, M...

Why didn't Johnny Lawrence's sensei have any children?

Irons became so popular in the 1960s that not a single girl had a Kreese in her pants.

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A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor....

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.""Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief....

What's Iron Mans favourite ride at the Carnival?

The Ferrous Wheel.

Another talking frog

A man takes the day off work and decides to play golf. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to swing when he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron." The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.

"Ribbit. 9 Iron." He looks at the frog ...

I was making breakfast for my kids and I tripped. I fell onto a hot iron.

It was waffle

With all the bars closed, how horribly ironic is it that Joe Diffie died?

We can't even prop him up beside the juke box.

What did the doctor say to Jesus?

You need to get more iron in your body.

Why is it a bad idea to iron four-leaf clovers?

Because you should never press your luck.

How ironic. My wife's niece got pregnant...

on a pull-out sofa.

One day a man decided to retire. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank...

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How d...

A maid asks for a raise

*Mrs*: Why do you think you deserve a raise? You have only worked here for a month.

*Maid*: I have three reasons, the first being that I cook better than you.

*Mrs*: who told you that?

*Maid*: Your husband said it.

*Mrs*: And what else?

*Maid*: He also told me that...

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It’s ironic that China doesn’t want us calling it “Chinese Coronavirus”.

They lay claim to just about about everything else even vaguely related to them: Tibet, Taiwan, Hong Kong, every tiny island for about 5,000 miles in any direction...

Why did Thor cover Iron Man's back?

Because he is an Asgardian.

It's quite ironic that "strap on"…

…backwards, spells 'no parts'…

Children left alone in the backseat can cause accidents,

which is ironic considering that accidents in the backseat can cause children.

It's ironic that in America, red white and blue stands for freedom...

... unless they're flashing behind you.

When I become a superhero, I'm going to call myself "Ironic".

So when there's trouble & I'm running away, people will be like "Isn't that ironic?!"

I made a disk out of iron that children can ride on

I guess you could call it a ferrous wheel

A clown goes crazy and starts murdering everybody with a cast-iron skillet.

Don't get the joke? It's deadpan humor.

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A guy gets hit by a bus and finds himself in front of iron gates. Confused he asks where he is, "Hell," said the devil "but before you get overly concerned, it's not as bad as you think it is..."

"What!!" said the guy, starting to panic. "How can that be, I'm a good person, this can't be right, it can't be!"

"Calm down," said the devil, "the rules for going upstairs are a lot stricter than people realise - and besides, like I said before, it's really not that bad here."

Unconvi...

The difference between ironman and iron woman is....

One is a super hero, the other is a command.

And this type of rubbish joke is why my wife left me and the only comfort I have is reddit....I'm the real joke here.

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

"Your parents when you move out."

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My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died

She was eaten by a giant crab

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.

She removes all her clothing and asks : Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says,

Here, iron this!!

A man saw his wife wearing nothing. “What are you doing?” he said. “It’s the emperor’s new cloth.” she replied.

“You should iron it first.”

Ironically the covid-19 virus has managed to unite the people of the world

By making us stay as far away from each other as possible

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On a Trans-Atlantic Flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it! Screaming.

she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well, I've had it! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?" For a moment ...

Y'all heard about the white shirt wearing thief, who got away with a whole lot of iron and chromium, all without dirtying his clothes?

... It was a stainless steal...




Yes, I'll see myself out... Bye!

If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up...

They'd be alloys.

Fun fact: The USSR didn’t have iron mines.

They had iron **ours.**

It would be ironic if a movie about The Flat Earth Society...

Wins the Golden Globe award.

It's ironic...

Most anti-vax mothers are actually vaccinated.

Which, depending on what you believe, might explain their autism.

Why can’t Iron man wear Spiderman’s suit?

He’s dead

I just saw my wife trip and fall over with the basket of clothes she just ironed.

I watched it all unfold.

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