I was arrested the other day for stealing people's electrons.

I was heavily charged,despite my victims say it was overall a positive experience.

Im positive I just lost an electron

I guess I’ll keep an ion that

I met a depressed electron the other day.

He wasn't very positive.

An electron is breaking the speed limit going along a motorway...

...When he is pulled over by a Proton. Proton: do you know how fast you were going?
Electron: yes, but now I have no clue as to where I am.

Two atoms are in a bar. One says, "I think I lost an electron."

The other says, "Are you sure?" to which the other replies, "I'm positive."

Why was the electron a pessimist?

Because he always put a negative spin on things

An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over.

The policeman says: “Sir, do you realize you were traveling at 130km per hour?”

The electron goes: “Oh great, now I’m lost."

What did the negative electron say when electrovalent bonding?

Up-n-atom.



P.s. Sorry, first joke here. Not sure if OC yet but hope you enjoyed it!

I hate being around electrons.

They’re always so negative!

Someone should make an electronics shop that sells resistors and call it:

The Ohm Depot

Do you know what it feels like to lose an electron?

You tell me, Ion know.

An electron walks into a bar.

Or does he?

What did one electron say to the other electron that was picking its nose?

You repulse me in so many ways

There were three electrons going on a tour

Of Rhode Island. They are walking around happily when the police came and arrested one of them.

Despite protests from his friends , he was thrown across the state borders and asked to never come back. But him being a sport sneaked back across that night itself.

The next day, they were ...

I told my Dad I am going to delete all of my social media accounts, throw away my electronics and go live in the woods.

He told me I can't just Thoreau my life away.

My friend can’t decide what type of electronics to get,

and he’s kinda upset about it.

No one can console him.

Electronic Arts CEO Andrew Wilson has a one night stand.

The woman he was with contacts him soon after to let him know she was pregnant, and wants him to own up to his mistake.


Andrew then replies, "It's not a mistake, it's surprise mechanics."

My blanket kept losing electrons.

It was my fault: the instructions said I shouldn't use an ion.

There is a god among the electronic components.

It is capaci-Thor

Electronic Arts should release physical analog day planners.

DLC for Months.
.
Literally.

What do you call an electron who fixes cars?

A quantum mechanic.

You'd think that atoms bonding would mean they're being friendly to each other, but instead they steal each others electrons.

Isn’t that Ionic?

Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons.

They forgot to mention morons.

What do politicians, naked women, and electrons all have in common?

**They change their behavior when being observed.**
(Does anything else?)

Trump walks into an electronics store...

He says to the salesman "I'd like to buy that little TV and install it in my limo".

"Sorry, I don't want to sell you anything."

Angered, Trump takes the limo home and decides to give it another go. To cleverly fool the salesman, he dyes his hair black, puts on an Elvis costume and goe...

A blond walks in to a electronics store

A blonde walks in to a electronics store looking for a new tv. She found one that seemed fine and found a employee. When she showed him the tv he said: Sorry ma’am, we don’t sell to blondes

The next day she came back wearing a brown wig and another employee that she wanted the tv. again. The...

A non-observable electron...

...went into two bars...

An atom loses an electron...

It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."

An electron is driving really fast...

...when a cop pulls it over.

"Do you even know how fast you were going there?" Asks the cop.

"Of course," replies the electron, "I knew exactly how fast I was going. But I thought this was the highway!"

"The highway?" The cop asks, shocked. "Do you even know where you are?"
<...

An electron and a proton walk into a magnetic field...

Yes. That's it. There's no punchline. Physics isn't a joke.

A French computer scientist has come up with a quick way of transferring files electronically.

It’s called a Pierre to Pierre network.

A blonde goes to buy a TV

A blonde goes to buy a TV and asks for the manager at the electronics store

She asks “How much is that TV?”

The manager responds “I’m sorry but I don’t sell to blondes”

She gets mad and leaves the store. When she gets home she gets an idea. She decides to dye her hair red and th...

A proton, electron and a neuton get into a bar fight.

The bartender calls cops and they show up to arrest everyone. The cops cuff the proton and electron but they let the neutron go because nobody could press charges.

I think I saw my friend with an extra electron...

...so I'm going to keep an ion him.

Hey girl are you an electron?

Because you’re so damn negative

What do you get when you take away a seal's electron?

A sealion

What will electron say if proton and neutron come to electrons home...

Make yourself atom

An electron walked into a bar

Actually it might have been a club. I'm uncertain.

A human losing weight is like an atom losing electrons

Everything is positive after that.

What did the charged electron say to the other protons?

I got my Ion you

What do you call an electronic shovel

Groundbreaking technology

Nuclei and Electrons are the original hipsters of the universe.

They were hydrogen before it was cool.

An electron was pulled over by the quantum state patrol...

The officer walked up to the car and said, "do you know how fast you were going?" To which the electron responded "no, but I know where I am!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would...

All Electrons were having the party

All Electrons were having the party

Suddenly protons attacked them..

A hero came and saved the electrons..

Electrons asked hero: "Who are you ?? "

.

.

.

.

Hero said : " BOND .. COVALENT BOND "

Which element is most likely to surrender an electron?

Francium.

Gary Oldman has had to drastically change his appearance to star in a biopic about one Britain's electronic music pioneers.

Guess he's going to be a Gary Numan.

A blond woman walks into a electronics shop

The owner of the shops asks if he can help her and she points and says : ‘I would like to buy that television.’ The owner says: ‘we don’t sell to blondes.’

So she leaves and comes back to the shop with a red colored wig on and points and says : ‘I would like to buy that television.’ Again th...

Blonde walks into an Electronics store

She walks up to one of the Items and taps the nearest sales person on the shoulder “excuse me sir, how much for that TV??”
The sales person looked her up and down and said “I’m sorry ma’am but we don’t sell TV’s to blondes”
The blonde gets upset and leaves the store.
She goes home furious...

Why did the dad proton want his daughter proton to marry an electron?

So the wedding would be free of charge

An ion walks into a bar and tells the bartender “I think I dropped an electron on the way in.” The bartender asks, “are you sure?”

“I’m positive”

What do you call it when sodium and potassium surges the electron transport chain?

A deep nap

What did the unhappy factory electrons do?

Unionize

What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion?

One electron.

An crying man walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What's wrong?" The man replies "My brother was just sentenced to 5 years prison time. he was taking gold, removing all of the electrons and selling the gold ions for profit!"

The bartender replies "Damn, those are some serious charges."

Engineers solving a problem

A guy goes on a trip with 3 Friends; an electrical engineer, a physics engineer and an IT specialist. Few hours into the trip the car breaks down. The electrical engineer says: "Well i know this issue, there must be some problems with the electronics of this car". The physics engineer says "Of cours...

What are the LGBTQ community's favorite electronic components?

Transistors

A proton walks over to an electron and asks, "Hey electron, why are you always so negative?"

The electron turns around, stares at him deeply for a brief moment, and responds, "My parents died in a car crash."


___

*Reposting this joke because I originally posted it on the wrong account.*

What did one S-orbital electron say to the other?

"I'll be right back, I have to go P."

Who did King Arthur leave in charge of watching his eight electrons?

Sir Valence!

I'm like a single electron...

Sometimes, when no one is watching, I interfere with myself.

New viruses

Coming to a hard drive near you, the worst computer viruses yet: AT&T Virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you’re getting. MCI Virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T virus. Paul Revere Virus: Warns of impending hard disk attac...

What do you call a Seal with an extra electron?

A Seal-ion.

A proton walks up to an electron

The proton says, "Why so negative?"

The electron says, "My wife is cheating on me."

A positive ion stole an electron yesterday.

He got away with no charge.

A New Gadget

“Bob came home looking utterly wretched and buried his head in his hands.

“I’ve been sacked,” he told his wife.

“After 35 years of doing the same job, day in, day out, I have been replaced by an electronic gadget the size of a flashlight.

And the awful thing is,” he continued, “...

The Priest And The Hairdryer

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there...

A proton, an electron, & a neutron walk into a bar...

...the proton orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet and pays the bartender.

the electron orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet and pays the bartender.

the neutron orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet.. the bartender stops him and says, "wait....

Electronic Arts, the games company, have had their lawyers in court stating that:

”There not loot boxes in our games, there surprise mechanics”.

Yeah right, that's like saying:

”It's not paedophilia its early access”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When are your electronics in the mood for sex?

When you turn them on!

What do you call a group of electrons staging a coup?

The Resistance

So proton calls up electron and says, "Electron! It's proton, where the hell are you?"

And electron says, "Um, I don't know. But I can tell you were I probably am!"

How did the electron board the train?

It lepton

LPT: Always read product reviews before buying electronics

Like a lot of people, I’ve been drawn in by Amazon to check out their prime day deals. I was browsing through the electronics earlier, looking for a new flash drive for transferring documents between my home and work computers. The primary one I use currently is only USB 2.0 and I figured it might ...

How do you get rich from electronics?

Tell janet from homeware that he's been cheating on her.

Man in a helicopter

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, ci...

Which electronic component do cops hate?

Resistors.

None of my European electronics worked properly in the US, until I prayed to God.

Turns out they just needed a higher power.

Fishtank

Two fish are swimming around in a tank.
One fish asks the other:"Won't being full of water affect the electronics on this thing?"

Never, ever ask a woman her age; a man his salary.

And an electron's position and momentum simultaneously, to Heisenberg.

What does the electron say to the resistor?

Ohm my god you're impeding me. *initiate knee slap

What task was assigned to the last electron to join the military?

Survalence

What makes electronics work?

Smoke.
If you let the smoke out, the electronic component stops working.

Healthy Marriage reminds me of Cheap Electronics

Battery’s not included

A thief walks into an electronic store and grabs a T.V

Owner of the store screams, “Acts 2:38!”

The thief then stays still and doesn’t move.

Police then come in and thief is handcuffed.

Police: “Why didn’t you run? The owner is just an old lady”

Thief: “She said she had an Axe and two .38’s”

A 90 year old man walks into an electronic store and asked about two devices that had a difference in prices.

He was asked what was he going to use it for?

"Social media" He replied.

They would both work fine; if anything the nicer one might last a bit longer.

He said "Last longer? Man I'm 90. I don't even buy green bananas".

Hi electron, will you be at home tonight?

Probably.

A Blonde walked into a electronics store...

She came in the shop and asked for a Tv. The man asked her which one. She pointed to the one she thought was cheapest. Instantly the guard said "No blondes allowed".

The next day she came in wearing a red wig. She did the exact same thing and the guard kicked her out again.

The 3rd d...

I'm at a Mexican electronics store and the clerk asked me what kind of cables I was looking for.

I told him, "Audios."

He left and hasn't come back since.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Wife is missing.

Husband:

My wife is missing.

She went out yesterday and has not come home...



Sergeant at Police Station:

What is her height?



Husband:

Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.



Sergeant:

Weight?



Husb...

Even after repeated search attempts, the atom couldn't find its lost electron...

Yet, on the brighter side, it remained positive.

A blonde enters an electronics store...

She goes to the store owner and asks him to sell her the TV she picked.

He refuses, telling her that he can't sell the TV to a Blonde.

She comes back the next day, after dyeing her hair black, and asks him the same question. He again tells her that he can't sell the tv to a Blonde.
...

Why didn't the electron leave it's house?

Because it was grounded.

Divorce is like an Ionic bond.

They completely steal your electron. You're stuck together by the electrostatic force. And when you finally dissociate they still keep all your stuff.

How do atoms decide which one should be put in charge?

By having general electrons.

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