I was arrested the other day for stealing people's electrons.

I was heavily charged, despite my victims saying it was an overall positive experience.

Two atoms are talking and one says "I think I lost an electron."

The other atom says "Are you sure?" The first atom replys "Yes, I'm positive!"

The electron asked the photon, “Have you packed a suitcase?”

The photon said, “No, I’m travelling light.”

I met a depressed electron the other day.

He wasn't very positive.

What do you call a seal with an extra electron?

A sea lion!

An electron is breaking the speed limit going along a motorway...

...When he is pulled over by a Proton. Proton: do you know how fast you were going?
Electron: yes, but now I have no clue as to where I am.

Why was the electron a pessimist?

Because he always put a negative spin on things

Two electrons were following quantum physics principles, as usual, while exchanging virtual protons to conduct an electric current

One electron said to the other, "This quantum trading stuff sounds like imaginary nonsense; if I can carry meaningful information faster than the speed of light, then I will."

The remaining electron watched his former partner depart into the nether, sighed, then said to his collar microphone,...

An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over.

The policeman says: “Sir, do you realize you were traveling at 130km per hour?”

The electron goes: “Oh great, now I’m lost."

Why is the electron not at the nucleus?

It's gone fission.

There were three electrons going on a tour

Of Rhode Island. They are walking around happily when the police came and arrested one of them.

Despite protests from his friends , he was thrown across the state borders and asked to never come back. But him being a sport sneaked back across that night itself.

The next day, they were ...

What did one electron say to the other electron that was picking its nose?

You repulse me in so many ways

TIL there's one country that still doesn't use ANY form of electronic money transfer.

It's the Cheque Republic

Electron joke

Why did the electron went up to the 3rd shell?



It was Bohrd

Protons, neutrons and electrons

Are the little things that matter.

Why did the electron go to therapy?

It couldn't be positive.

An atom loses an electron…

it says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them.”

An electron walks into a bar.

Or does he?

I think I saw my friend with an extra electron...

...so I'm going to keep an ion him.

You'd think that atoms bonding would mean they're being friendly to each other, but instead they steal each others electrons.

Isn’t that Ionic?

What do politicians, naked women, and electrons all have in common?

**They change their behavior when being observed.**
(Does anything else?)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I thought it was just the U.S's insatiable need for inexpensive, single-use, remote controlled electronic junk that my son always wants crappy toys made in China that break after 5 days

But it seems China feels the same way about their rockets.

What do you call an insect that is into electronic music?

A house fly.

Chemistry joke

Proton and neutron were chilling in the nucleus one day, then proton asks neutron: “Why you only hangout with me in here instead of electron?”

Neutron replies: “He was too negative to begin with.”

Do you know what it feels like to lose an electron?

You tell me, Ion know.

An electron is driving really fast...

...when a cop pulls it over.

"Do you even know how fast you were going there?" Asks the cop.

"Of course," replies the electron, "I knew exactly how fast I was going. But I thought this was the highway!"

"The highway?" The cop asks, shocked. "Do you even know where you are?"
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many reddit users does it take to replace a lightbulb?

1 to make a post about it,
4 to mention that its the wrong forum,
1 to post it to the right forum,
7 to suggest op should post it to the electronics forum,
2 to post it to the electronics forum,
1 mod to delete the second post,

3 to suggest an image post would have gathered mor...

The Smiths were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower and their descendants included senators and Wall Street wizards.

They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren.
They hired a fine author.
Only one problem arose, how to handle great-uncle George, the criminal, who was executed in the electric chair.
The author said he could handle the story tactfully.
The book...

Hey girl are you an electron?

Because you’re so damn negative

What do you call an electron who fixes cars?

A quantum mechanic.

What did the negative electron say when electrovalent bonding?

Up-n-atom.



P.s. Sorry, first joke here. Not sure if OC yet but hope you enjoyed it!

A proton, electron and a neuton get into a bar fight.

The bartender calls cops and they show up to arrest everyone. The cops cuff the proton and electron but they let the neutron go because nobody could press charges.

An electron and a proton walk into a magnetic field...

Yes. That's it. There's no punchline. Physics isn't a joke.

That electronic musician is so promiscious...

...he puts the MIDI in chlamydia.

My blanket kept losing electrons.

It was my fault: the instructions said I shouldn't use an ion.

What do you get when you take away a seal's electron?

A sealion

Someone should make an electronics shop that sells resistors and call it:

The Ohm Depot

A human losing weight is like an atom losing electrons

Everything is positive after that.

An electron walked into a bar

Actually it might have been a club. I'm uncertain.

A non-observable electron...

...went into two bars...

I don’t like to use painting softwares

Because it is Electronic Arts

Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons, and Electrons

They forgot to mention Morons.

Why did the dad proton want his daughter proton to marry an electron?

So the wedding would be free of charge

What will electron say if proton and neutron come to electrons home...

Make yourself atom

Which element is most likely to surrender an electron?

Francium.

All Electrons were having the party

All Electrons were having the party

Suddenly protons attacked them..

A hero came and saved the electrons..

Electrons asked hero: "Who are you ?? "

.

.

.

.

Hero said : " BOND .. COVALENT BOND "

I'm like a single electron...

Sometimes, when no one is watching, I interfere with myself.

What did the charged electron say to the other protons?

I got my Ion you

Schrödinger's cat

There once was a cat in a pickle

Whose life was not worth a nickle

From an electron gun shot

It both was and was not

It's very existence is fickle

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why, what, who?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does...

An ion walks into a bar and tells the bartender “I think I dropped an electron on the way in.” The bartender asks, “are you sure?”

“I’m positive”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you have an email address?

An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.

The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that...

An electron was pulled over by the quantum state patrol...

The officer walked up to the car and said, "do you know how fast you were going?" To which the electron responded "no, but I know where I am!"

Nuclei and Electrons are the original hipsters of the universe.

They were hydrogen before it was cool.

A blond walks in to a electronics store

A blonde walks in to a electronics store looking for a new tv. She found one that seemed fine and found a employee. When she showed him the tv he said: Sorry ma’am, we don’t sell to blondes

The next day she came back wearing a brown wig and another employee that she wanted the tv. again. The...

I told my Dad I am going to delete all of my social media accounts, throw away my electronics and go live in the woods.

He told me I can't just Thoreau my life away.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

Electronic Arts CEO Andrew Wilson has a one night stand.

The woman he was with contacts him soon after to let him know she was pregnant, and wants him to own up to his mistake.


Andrew then replies, "It's not a mistake, it's surprise mechanics."

What did the unhappy factory electrons do?

Unionize

My friend can’t decide what type of electronics to get,

and he’s kinda upset about it.

No one can console him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple lived near the ocean and walked the beach a lot ...

A couple lived near the ocean and walked the beach a lot.

One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak...

A proton walks over to an electron and asks, "Hey electron, why are you always so negative?"

The electron turns around, stares at him deeply for a brief moment, and responds, "My parents died in a car crash."


___

*Reposting this joke because I originally posted it on the wrong account.*

An crying man walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What's wrong?" The man replies "My brother was just sentenced to 5 years prison time. he was taking gold, removing all of the electrons and selling the gold ions for profit!"

The bartender replies "Damn, those are some serious charges."

Who did King Arthur leave in charge of watching his eight electrons?

Sir Valence!

A proton walks up to an electron

The proton says, "Why so negative?"

The electron says, "My wife is cheating on me."

A French computer scientist has come up with a quick way of transferring files electronically.

It’s called a Pierre to Pierre network.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oxford University researchers have discovered the densest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like partic...

A proton, an electron, & a neutron walk into a bar...

...the proton orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet and pays the bartender.

the electron orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet and pays the bartender.

the neutron orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet.. the bartender stops him and says, "wait....

A scientist was studying life extending properties through diet...

And realized he had the perfect formula for eternal life. He developed a special food formula which he fed to seagulls. Then he would feed their eggs to a pair of dolphins.

After 10 years on a diet of fortified seagull eggs, the dolphins hadn't aged a day. But there was one problem. Th...

What did one S-orbital electron say to the other?

"I'll be right back, I have to go P."

How did the electron board the train?

It lepton

A positive ion stole an electron yesterday.

He got away with no charge.

What's the difference between a seal and a sealion?

An electron or two

So proton calls up electron and says, "Electron! It's proton, where the hell are you?"

And electron says, "Um, I don't know. But I can tell you were I probably am!"

What do you call a group of electrons staging a coup?

The Resistance

What does the electron say to the resistor?

Ohm my god you're impeding me. *initiate knee slap

None of my European electronics worked properly in the US, until I prayed to God.

Turns out they just needed a higher power.

What task was assigned to the last electron to join the military?

Survalence

What do you get when you add electrons to an atom?

Anion

To me, you're just like an electron's mass

Irrelevant

Did you hear about the atom that was caught stealing electrons?

He was arrested and charged.

...this is the stuff I come up with while procrastinating studying for finals.

Why does texas have no power?

Democrats stole the electrons.

What do you call an electronic shovel

Groundbreaking technology

Hi electron, will you be at home tonight?

Probably.

Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?

Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!

Two hydrogen atoms decide that they want to ride on the Large Hadron Collider.

They jump on a plane to Switzerland and sneak in while no one is looking. As they start to speed up one of them realises that they have both lost their electrons. It mentions it to his friend who asks "Are you sure?"

It replys "I'm positive."

What are the LGBTQ community's favorite electronic components?

Transistors

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and ...

Gary Oldman has had to drastically change his appearance to star in a biopic about one Britain's electronic music pioneers.

Guess he's going to be a Gary Numan.

Blonde walks into an Electronics store

She walks up to one of the Items and taps the nearest sales person on the shoulder “excuse me sir, how much for that TV??”
The sales person looked her up and down and said “I’m sorry ma’am but we don’t sell TV’s to blondes”
The blonde gets upset and leaves the store.
She goes home furious...

A blond woman walks into a electronics shop

The owner of the shops asks if he can help her and she points and says : ‘I would like to buy that television.’ The owner says: ‘we don’t sell to blondes.’

So she leaves and comes back to the shop with a red colored wig on and points and says : ‘I would like to buy that television.’ Again th...

Even after repeated search attempts, the atom couldn't find its lost electron...

Yet, on the brighter side, it remained positive.

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