UPJOKE
protonleptonmoleculeelectric chargephotonspinatomelectric currentgravitationplasmaalpha particleneutrinoionatomsnucleus

I was arrested the other day for stealing people's electrons.

I was heavily charged, despite my victims saying it was an overall positive experience.

The electron asked the photon, “Have you packed a suitcase?”

The photon said, “No, I’m travelling light.”

I met a depressed electron the other day.

He wasn't very positive.

Why was the electron a pessimist?

Because he always put a negative spin on things

So an atom and physicist were talking, and the atom says, "Oh no, I think I've lost an electron".

"Are you sure?", the physicist asks.

The atom replies, "I'm positive".

An electron walked into a bar

And another one came out the other side

Girl are you an electron?

Because I’m positive I feel potential between us

An electron is breaking the speed limit going along a motorway...

...When he is pulled over by a Proton. Proton: do you know how fast you were going?
Electron: yes, but now I have no clue as to where I am.

I Think I Lost an Electron...

Yep, I'm positive.

what is the difference between a seal and a sea lion?

An electron.

An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over.

The policeman says: “Sir, do you realize you were traveling at 130km per hour?”

The electron goes: “Oh great, now I’m lost."

An atom loses an electron...

It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."

I think I saw my friend with an extra electron...

...so I'm going to keep an ion him.

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Usually one. Lightbulbs are relatively easy to screw in, although depending on the position/location of said light it may require a stepladder or some sort of object to stand on to elevate yourself. Always be careful when installing electronics, make sure the light switch is OFF before going near it

A retail worker was talking to a customer when they noticed some long, high pitched noises coming from the electronic section

‘Your Macbooks aren’t breaking are they?’ mused the slightly concerned customer.


The worker listened to the noise for a moment before motioning offhandedly to the speaker section.

‘Don’t worry, it’s just a Dell.’

How far do electrons travel?

Coulometers!

A blonde walked into an electronics store and said to the salesman, "I want that TV."

The salesperson shook his head and said, "I am sorry, but we don't sell to blondes."

The blonde left, dyed her hair brown, came back and asked, "I want that TV."

Again the salesperson said, "I am really sorry, but we don't sell to blondes."

The blonde leaves, dyes her hair red a...

Electrons

Two molecules are walking down the street. They accidently bump into each other, and one of them looks down, shakes his head, and says, "Damn, I lost an electron." The other molecule is surprised and says, "Are you sure??" The other one says, "Yeah, I'm positive."

What did the negative electron say when electrovalent bonding?

Up-n-atom.



P.s. Sorry, first joke here. Not sure if OC yet but hope you enjoyed it!

An electron walks into a bar.

Or does he?

What did one electron say to the other electron that was picking its nose?

You repulse me in so many ways

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two American business men in the 1980s are visiting Tokyo, Japan to make a business deal with an electronics company

Sadly the CEO (Mr. Yamoto) had an unexpected issue to deal with at one of his factories and couldn't see the men that day, but had his COO (Mr. Hagino) not only invite the two Americans to join them for a round of golf the next day to discuss business, but also to show them around and keep them ent...

What do you call a seal that has lost an electron?

A sealion

Why is the electron not at the nucleus?

It's gone fission.

A blonde walks into an electronics store

She looks around and eventually calls a worker over and says “I’d like to buy this tv”

The worker tells her kindly, “I apologize miss, but store policy is that we don’t sell things to blondes”.

Very angry, she leaves and goes to a salon and dyes her hair black. Then she goes back the n...

Fixing or building electronics is kind of like the rememberal from Harry Potter.

When the smoke comes out, it means you've forgotten something.

Electron joke

Why did the electron went up to the 3rd shell?



It was Bohrd

A proton, electron and a neuton get into a bar fight.

The bartender calls cops and they show up to arrest everyone. The cops cuff the proton and electron but they let the neutron go because nobody could press charges.

55 protons, 78 neutrons, 55 electrons, 6 croutons.

Cesium salad.

Hey girl are you an electron?

Because you’re so damn negative

What do you call an electron who fixes cars?

A quantum mechanic.

An electron is driving really fast...

...when a cop pulls it over.

"Do you even know how fast you were going there?" Asks the cop.

"Of course," replies the electron, "I knew exactly how fast I was going. But I thought this was the highway!"

"The highway?" The cop asks, shocked. "Do you even know where you are?"
<...

Where do electronics go for fun?

The circuits

Getting a hair dryer through customs

A young woman on a flight from England asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"


"Of course, my child. What may I do for you?"


"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is...

An electron and a proton walk into a magnetic field...

Yes. That's it. There's no punchline. Physics isn't a joke.

Why did the dad proton want his daughter proton to marry an electron?

So the wedding would be free of charge

Which element is most likely to surrender an electron?

Francium.

What do you get when you take away a seal's electron?

A sealion

I'm like a single electron...

Sometimes, when no one is watching, I interfere with myself.

There were three electrons going on a tour

Of Rhode Island. They are walking around happily when the police came and arrested one of them.

Despite protests from his friends , he was thrown across the state borders and asked to never come back. But him being a sport sneaked back across that night itself.

The next day, they were ...

Do you know what it feels like to lose an electron?

You tell me, Ion know.

A few moments after the big bang a cloud full of Hydrogen atoms fall into a blackhole and die.

A few moments after the big bang a cloud full of Hydrogen atoms fall into a blackhole and die. The arrive at the border between multiverses and meet Saint Platinum-Erbium

St PtEr says to them "Welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through, but before I may do that, I must ask each...

What will electron say if proton and neutron come to electrons home...

Make yourself atom

Two electrons were following quantum physics principles, as usual, while exchanging virtual protons to conduct an electric current

One electron said to the other, "This quantum trading stuff sounds like imaginary nonsense; if I can carry meaningful information faster than the speed of light, then I will."

The remaining electron watched his former partner depart into the nether, sighed, then said to his collar microphone,...

An electron walked into a bar

Actually it might have been a club. I'm uncertain.

What did the charged electron say to the other protons?

I got my Ion you

TIL there's one country that still doesn't use ANY form of electronic money transfer.

It's the Cheque Republic

A non-observable electron...

...went into two bars...

An ion walks into a bar and tells the bartender “I think I dropped an electron on the way in.” The bartender asks, “are you sure?”

“I’m positive”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man on the street said I look like I have a penis in my mouth when I vape

So I took my Personal Electronic Nicotine Inhalation System and left.

A proton walks over to an electron and asks, "Hey electron, why are you always so negative?"

The electron turns around, stares at him deeply for a brief moment, and responds, "My parents died in a car crash."


___

*Reposting this joke because I originally posted it on the wrong account.*

What do you call an insect that is into electronic music?

A house fly.

An electron was pulled over by the quantum state patrol...

The officer walked up to the car and said, "do you know how fast you were going?" To which the electron responded "no, but I know where I am!"

A proton walks up to an electron

The proton says, "Why so negative?"

The electron says, "My wife is cheating on me."

A proton, an electron, & a neutron walk into a bar...

...the proton orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet and pays the bartender.

the electron orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet and pays the bartender.

the neutron orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet.. the bartender stops him and says, "wait....

They banned talking on mobile phones while driving in Germany

With the new law, a man went to an electronics shop looking for something that would help him to answer his calls, but still keep his focus on driving. The store employee offered to have his brother Hansel ride with him and put the phone up to his ear when it rang.

The man said "No, that won'...

So proton calls up electron and says, "Electron! It's proton, where the hell are you?"

And electron says, "Um, I don't know. But I can tell you were I probably am!"

How did the electron board the train?

It lepton

A positive ion stole an electron yesterday.

He got away with no charge.

What task was assigned to the last electron to join the military?

Survalence

Someone should make an electronics shop that sells resistors and call it:

The Ohm Depot

You'd think that atoms bonding would mean they're being friendly to each other, but instead they steal each others electrons.

Isn’t that Ionic?

What did one S-orbital electron say to the other?

"I'll be right back, I have to go P."

What does the electron say to the resistor?

Ohm my god you're impeding me. *initiate knee slap

Hi electron, will you be at home tonight?

Probably.

That electronic musician is so promiscious...

...he puts the MIDI in chlamydia.

I hate being around electrons.

They’re always so negative!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I thought it was just the U.S's insatiable need for inexpensive, single-use, remote controlled electronic junk that my son always wants crappy toys made in China that break after 5 days

But it seems China feels the same way about their rockets.

None of my European electronics worked properly in the US, until I prayed to God.

Turns out they just needed a higher power.

Glossing Over a Criminal in the Family Tree

The Taylors were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had traveled to America as pilgrims on the Mayflower. They had included congressmen, successful entrepreneurs, famous sports figures and television stars. They decided to research and write a family history, something for their childr...

I told my Dad I am going to delete all of my social media accounts, throw away my electronics and go live in the woods.

He told me I can't just Thoreau my life away.

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and ...

A French computer scientist has come up with a quick way of transferring files electronically.

It’s called a Pierre to Pierre network.

The Story of Chekhov's Gun

A man brought his date back to his apartment.

"And this is my apartment. Would you like some alcohols? My roommate, Chekhov, has a whole bunch of alcohols. He likes to buy them."

"No thanks," said the woman who was wearing a red scarf.

"He also has a gun that is usually right th...

A blond walks in to a electronics store

A blonde walks in to a electronics store looking for a new tv. She found one that seemed fine and found a employee. When she showed him the tv he said: Sorry ma’am, we don’t sell to blondes

The next day she came back wearing a brown wig and another employee that she wanted the tv. again. The...

A human losing weight is like an atom losing electrons

Everything is positive after that.

My friend can’t decide what type of electronics to get,

and he’s kinda upset about it.

No one can console him.

Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons, and Electrons

They forgot to mention Morons.

Chemistry joke

Proton and neutron were chilling in the nucleus one day, then proton asks neutron: “Why you only hangout with me in here instead of electron?”

Neutron replies: “He was too negative to begin with.”

A blond woman walks into a electronics shop

The owner of the shops asks if he can help her and she points and says : ‘I would like to buy that television.’ The owner says: ‘we don’t sell to blondes.’

So she leaves and comes back to the shop with a red colored wig on and points and says : ‘I would like to buy that television.’ Again th...

Gary Oldman has had to drastically change his appearance to star in a biopic about one Britain's electronic music pioneers.

Guess he's going to be a Gary Numan.

Blonde walks into an Electronics store

She walks up to one of the Items and taps the nearest sales person on the shoulder “excuse me sir, how much for that TV??”
The sales person looked her up and down and said “I’m sorry ma’am but we don’t sell TV’s to blondes”
The blonde gets upset and leaves the store.
She goes home furious...

How do you get rich from electronics?

Tell janet from homeware that he's been cheating on her.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

What fuels electronics but drains a relationship?

Battery

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