UPJOKE
protonleptonmoleculeelectric chargephotonspinatomelectric currentgravitationplasmaneutrinoionatomsnucleusannihilation

I was arrested the other day for stealing people's electrons.

I was heavily charged, despite my victims saying it was an overall positive experience.

I met a depressed electron the other day.

He wasn't very positive.

Why was the electron a pessimist?

Because he always put a negative spin on things

The electron asked the photon, “Have you packed a suitcase?”

The photon said, “No, I’m travelling light.”

So an atom and physicist were talking, and the atom says, "Oh no, I think I've lost an electron".

"Are you sure?", the physicist asks.

The atom replies, "I'm positive".

An electron walked into a bar

And another one came out the other side

Girl are you an electron?

Because I’m positive I feel potential between us

I think I saw my friend with an extra electron...

...so I'm going to keep an ion him.

I Think I Lost an Electron...

Yep, I'm positive.

An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over.

The policeman says: “Sir, do you realize you were traveling at 130km per hour?”

The electron goes: “Oh great, now I’m lost."

An electron is breaking the speed limit going along a motorway...

...When he is pulled over by a Proton. Proton: do you know how fast you were going?
Electron: yes, but now I have no clue as to where I am.

What do you call it when an electron cheats?

A current affair!

A blonde walked into an electronics store and said to the salesmen: "I want that tv."

The salesperson shook his head and said, "No, we don't sell to blondes."

So the blonde left and came back with her hair dyed brown and said: "I'll take that tv."

Again the salesman said: "No, we don't sell to blondes."

So she left again and came back with her hair dyed black and...

what is the difference between a seal and a sea lion?

An electron.

An atom loses an electron...

It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."

What do you call the particle that works at a polling station?

An electron

A retail worker was talking to a customer when they noticed some long, high pitched noises coming from the electronic section

‘Your Macbooks aren’t breaking are they?’ mused the slightly concerned customer.


The worker listened to the noise for a moment before motioning offhandedly to the speaker section.

‘Don’t worry, it’s just a Dell.’

Electrons

Two molecules are walking down the street. They accidently bump into each other, and one of them looks down, shakes his head, and says, "Damn, I lost an electron." The other molecule is surprised and says, "Are you sure??" The other one says, "Yeah, I'm positive."

What did the negative electron say when electrovalent bonding?

Up-n-atom.



P.s. Sorry, first joke here. Not sure if OC yet but hope you enjoyed it!

What do you call a seal that has lost an electron?

A sealion

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Two American business men in the 1980s are visiting Tokyo, Japan to make a business deal with an electronics company

Sadly the CEO (Mr. Yamoto) had an unexpected issue to deal with at one of his factories and couldn't see the men that day, but had his COO (Mr. Hagino) not only invite the two Americans to join them for a round of golf the next day to discuss business, but also to show them around and keep them ent...

Why is the electron not at the nucleus?

It's gone fission.

A blonde walks into an electronics store

She looks around and eventually calls a worker over and says “I’d like to buy this tv”

The worker tells her kindly, “I apologize miss, but store policy is that we don’t sell things to blondes”.

Very angry, she leaves and goes to a salon and dyes her hair black. Then she goes back the n...

A proton, electron and a neuton get into a bar fight.

The bartender calls cops and they show up to arrest everyone. The cops cuff the proton and electron but they let the neutron go because nobody could press charges.

An electron is driving really fast...

...when a cop pulls it over.

"Do you even know how fast you were going there?" Asks the cop.

"Of course," replies the electron, "I knew exactly how fast I was going. But I thought this was the highway!"

"The highway?" The cop asks, shocked. "Do you even know where you are?"
<...

Hey girl are you an electron?

Because you’re so damn negative

An electron walks into a bar.

Or does he?

An electron and a proton walk into a magnetic field...

Yes. That's it. There's no punchline. Physics isn't a joke.

Why did the dad proton want his daughter proton to marry an electron?

So the wedding would be free of charge

What did one electron say to the other electron that was picking its nose?

You repulse me in so many ways

I'm like a single electron...

Sometimes, when no one is watching, I interfere with myself.

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Usually one. Lightbulbs are relatively easy to screw in, although depending on the position/location of said light it may require a stepladder or some sort of object to stand on to elevate yourself. Always be careful when installing electronics, make sure the light switch is OFF before going near it

Electron joke

Why did the electron went up to the 3rd shell?



It was Bohrd

How far do electrons travel?

Coulometers!

Fixing or building electronics is kind of like the rememberal from Harry Potter.

When the smoke comes out, it means you've forgotten something.

Why is a cheating husband similar to the electron?

He can be at 2 different places at the same time

Which element is most likely to surrender an electron?

Francium.

What do you get when you take away a seal's electron?

A sealion

What do you call an electron who fixes cars?

A quantum mechanic.

There were three electrons going on a tour

Of Rhode Island. They are walking around happily when the police came and arrested one of them.

Despite protests from his friends , he was thrown across the state borders and asked to never come back. But him being a sport sneaked back across that night itself.

The next day, they were ...

Do you know what it feels like to lose an electron?

You tell me, Ion know.

55 protons, 78 neutrons, 55 electrons, 6 croutons.

Cesium salad.

Where do electronics go for fun?

The circuits

A non-observable electron...

...went into two bars...

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I went to the Worst Strip Club in Texas

There was only one other person there, a 80-something year old woman with flabby tits and makeup so thick it caked up around her eyes. She was sitting on the edge of the stage, smoking a rolled up cigarette between her dentures with her prosthetic metal hook hand.

When she saw me, she stood u...

What will electron say if proton and neutron come to electrons home...

Make yourself atom

A proton walks over to an electron and asks, "Hey electron, why are you always so negative?"

The electron turns around, stares at him deeply for a brief moment, and responds, "My parents died in a car crash."


___

*Reposting this joke because I originally posted it on the wrong account.*

A proton walks up to an electron

The proton says, "Why so negative?"

The electron says, "My wife is cheating on me."

An electron walked into a bar

Actually it might have been a club. I'm uncertain.

What did the charged electron say to the other protons?

I got my Ion you

An ion walks into a bar and tells the bartender “I think I dropped an electron on the way in.” The bartender asks, “are you sure?”

“I’m positive”

TIL there's one country that still doesn't use ANY form of electronic money transfer.

It's the Cheque Republic

A proton, an electron, & a neutron walk into a bar...

...the proton orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet and pays the bartender.

the electron orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet and pays the bartender.

the neutron orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet.. the bartender stops him and says, "wait....

Two electrons were following quantum physics principles, as usual, while exchanging virtual protons to conduct an electric current

One electron said to the other, "This quantum trading stuff sounds like imaginary nonsense; if I can carry meaningful information faster than the speed of light, then I will."

The remaining electron watched his former partner depart into the nether, sighed, then said to his collar microphone,...

An electron was pulled over by the quantum state patrol...

The officer walked up to the car and said, "do you know how fast you were going?" To which the electron responded "no, but I know where I am!"

How did the electron board the train?

It lepton

What do you call an insect that is into electronic music?

A house fly.

What do you call it when sodium and potassium surges the electron transport chain?

A deep nap

So proton calls up electron and says, "Electron! It's proton, where the hell are you?"

And electron says, "Um, I don't know. But I can tell you were I probably am!"

What did one S-orbital electron say to the other?

"I'll be right back, I have to go P."

A positive ion stole an electron yesterday.

He got away with no charge.

What task was assigned to the last electron to join the military?

Survalence

Someone should make an electronics shop that sells resistors and call it:

The Ohm Depot

You'd think that atoms bonding would mean they're being friendly to each other, but instead they steal each others electrons.

Isn’t that Ionic?

What does the electron say to the resistor?

Ohm my god you're impeding me. *initiate knee slap

A few moments after the big bang a cloud full of Hydrogen atoms fall into a blackhole and die.

A few moments after the big bang a cloud full of Hydrogen atoms fall into a blackhole and die. The arrive at the border between multiverses and meet Saint Platinum-Erbium

St PtEr says to them "Welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through, but before I may do that, I must ask each...

Getting a hair dryer through customs

A young woman on a flight from England asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"


"Of course, my child. What may I do for you?"


"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is...

Hi electron, will you be at home tonight?

Probably.

None of my European electronics worked properly in the US, until I prayed to God.

Turns out they just needed a higher power.

Even after repeated search attempts, the atom couldn't find its lost electron...

Yet, on the brighter side, it remained positive.

Why didn't the electron leave it's house?

Because it was grounded.

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and ...

I hate being around electrons.

They’re always so negative!

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I thought it was just the U.S's insatiable need for inexpensive, single-use, remote controlled electronic junk that my son always wants crappy toys made in China that break after 5 days

But it seems China feels the same way about their rockets.

That electronic musician is so promiscious...

...he puts the MIDI in chlamydia.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man on the street said I look like I have a penis in my mouth when I vape

So I took my Personal Electronic Nicotine Inhalation System and left.

They banned talking on mobile phones while driving in Germany

With the new law, a man went to an electronics shop looking for something that would help him to answer his calls, but still keep his focus on driving. The store employee offered to have his brother Hansel ride with him and put the phone up to his ear when it rang.

The man said "No, that won'...

Electronic Arts should release physical analog day planners.

DLC for Months.
.
Literally.

A French computer scientist has come up with a quick way of transferring files electronically.

It’s called a Pierre to Pierre network.

A human losing weight is like an atom losing electrons

Everything is positive after that.

My friend can’t decide what type of electronics to get,

and he’s kinda upset about it.

No one can console him.

Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons, and Electrons

They forgot to mention Morons.

What fuels electronics but drains a relationship?

Battery

How do you get rich from electronics?

Tell janet from homeware that he's been cheating on her.

A blond woman walks into a electronics shop

The owner of the shops asks if he can help her and she points and says : ‘I would like to buy that television.’ The owner says: ‘we don’t sell to blondes.’

So she leaves and comes back to the shop with a red colored wig on and points and says : ‘I would like to buy that television.’ Again th...

Blonde walks into an Electronics store

She walks up to one of the Items and taps the nearest sales person on the shoulder “excuse me sir, how much for that TV??”
The sales person looked her up and down and said “I’m sorry ma’am but we don’t sell TV’s to blondes”
The blonde gets upset and leaves the store.
She goes home furious...

Gary Oldman has had to drastically change his appearance to star in a biopic about one Britain's electronic music pioneers.

Guess he's going to be a Gary Numan.

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I asked a black man on the street if he could come fix my speaker set up, since he must be good at fixing electronics.

He told me I used the wrong stereo type.

Chemistry joke

Proton and neutron were chilling in the nucleus one day, then proton asks neutron: “Why you only hangout with me in here instead of electron?”

Neutron replies: “He was too negative to begin with.”

The Story of Chekhov's Gun

A man brought his date back to his apartment.

"And this is my apartment. Would you like some alcohols? My roommate, Chekhov, has a whole bunch of alcohols. He likes to buy them."

"No thanks," said the woman who was wearing a red scarf.

"He also has a gun that is usually right th...

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