UPJOKE
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Electron Jokes

I met a depressed electron the other day.

He wasn't very positive.
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Why was the electron a pessimist?

Because he always put a negative spin on things
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I think I saw my friend with an extra electron...

...so I'm going to keep an ion him.
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The electron asked the photon, “Have you packed a suitcase?”

The photon said, “No, I’m travelling light.”
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An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over.

The policeman says: “Sir, do you realize you were traveling at 130km per hour?”

The electron goes: “Oh great, now I’m lost."
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Girl are you an electron?

Because I’m positive I feel potential between us
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An electron walked into a bar

And another one came out the other side
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What did one electron say to the other electron that was picking its nose?

You repulse me in so many ways
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An atom loses an electron...

It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
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Two atoms were walking down the street and one suddenly stops and says, “Oh no, I think I lost an electron!”

The other atom asks, “are you positive?”
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Why did the dad proton want his daughter proton to marry an electron?

So the wedding would be free of charge
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Which element is most likely to surrender an electron?

Francium.
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I'm positive I lost an electron...

...better keep an ion that.
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What do you get when you give a seal an extra electron?

A sealion
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An electron gets pulled over...

...
" - sir do you know how fast you were going?
- no but I know where I am "
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I'm like a single electron...

Sometimes, when no one is watching, I interfere with myself.
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what is the difference between a seal and a sea lion?

An electron.
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What does the photon says to the electron?

Why can't you c?
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Hey girl are you an electron?

Because you’re so damn negative
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A proton, electron and a neuton get into a bar fight.

The bartender calls cops and they show up to arrest everyone. The cops cuff the proton and electron but they let the neutron go because nobody could press charges.
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The electrons couldn't wait to become lightning

When it happened, they were ex-static
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An electron is breaking the speed limit going along a motorway...

...When he is pulled over by a Proton. Proton: do you know how fast you were going?
Electron: yes, but now I have no clue as to where I am.
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What did the negative electron say when electrovalent bonding?

Up-n-atom.



P.s. Sorry, first joke here. Not sure if OC yet but hope you enjoyed it!
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There were three electrons going on a tour

Of Rhode Island. They are walking around happily when the police came and arrested one of them.

Despite protests from his friends , he was thrown across the state borders and asked to never come back. But him being a sport sneaked back across that night itself.

The next day, they were ...
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What do you call it when an electron cheats?

A current affair!
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Electron joke

Why did the electron went up to the 3rd shell?



It was Bohrd
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An electron is driving really fast...

...when a cop pulls it over.

"Do you even know how fast you were going there?" Asks the cop.

"Of course," replies the electron, "I knew exactly how fast I was going. But I thought this was the highway!"

"The highway?" The cop asks, shocked. "Do you even know where you are?"
<...
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Why is the electron not at the nucleus?

It's gone fission.
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Electrons

Two molecules are walking down the street. They accidently bump into each other, and one of them looks down, shakes his head, and says, "Damn, I lost an electron." The other molecule is surprised and says, "Are you sure??" The other one says, "Yeah, I'm positive."
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A proton walks over to an electron and asks, "Hey electron, why are you always so negative?"

The electron turns around, stares at him deeply for a brief moment, and responds, "My parents died in a car crash."


___

*Reposting this joke because I originally posted it on the wrong account.*
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What do you call an electron who fixes cars?

A quantum mechanic.
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A proton walks up to an electron

The proton says, "Why so negative?"

The electron says, "My wife is cheating on me."
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None of my European electronics worked properly in the US, until I prayed to God.

Turns out they just needed a higher power.
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A non-observable electron...

...went into two bars...
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An electron walks into a bar.

Or does he?
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An electron and a proton walk into a magnetic field...

Yes. That's it. There's no punchline. Physics isn't a joke.
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I was arrested the other day for stealing people's electrons.

I was heavily charged,despite my victims say it was overall a positive experience.
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A rabbit walks into an electronics store

He goes up to the counter and bangs his hands down hard on it to get the cashiers attention.

**\*BANG BANG\***
"I'd like two carrots please."

The cashier is naturally surprised by everything about this interaction, but being the professional that he is politely says, "I'm sorry, b...
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You hear the one about Electronic Arts?

The punchline in $25.
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So proton calls up electron and says, "Electron! It's proton, where the hell are you?"

And electron says, "Um, I don't know. But I can tell you were I probably am!"
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An electron is driving down the road...

I electron is driving down the road. A police officer pulls him over for speeding. The police officer asks him, "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?"

The electron shrugs, "Sorry Officer, but I have no idea."

"You were going exactly 90 mph."

"Damn it, now I'm lost."
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A molecule tells another:

“A free electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You gotta keep your ion them!”
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How did the electron board the train?

It lepton
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An electron was pulled over by the quantum state patrol...

The officer walked up to the car and said, "do you know how fast you were going?" To which the electron responded "no, but I know where I am!"
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A positive ion stole an electron yesterday.

He got away with no charge.
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An electron walked into a bar

Actually it might have been a club. I'm uncertain.
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Do you know what it feels like to lose an electron?

You tell me, Ion know.
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How far do electrons travel?

Coulometers!
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A blonde walks into an electronics store

She looks around and eventually calls a worker over and says “I’d like to buy this tv”

The worker tells her kindly, “I apologize miss, but store policy is that we don’t sell things to blondes”.

Very angry, she leaves and goes to a salon and dyes her hair black. Then she goes back the n...
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A proton, an electron, & a neutron walk into a bar...

...the proton orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet and pays the bartender.

the electron orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet and pays the bartender.

the neutron orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet.. the bartender stops him and says, "wait....
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Where do electronics go for fun?

The circuits
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What will electron say if proton and neutron come to electrons home...

Make yourself atom
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Why didn't the electron leave it's house?

Because it was grounded.
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I hate being around electrons.

They’re always so negative!
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A blonde walked into an electronics store and said to the salesmen: "I want that tv."

The salesperson shook his head and said, "No, we don't sell to blondes."

So the blonde left and came back with her hair dyed brown and said: "I'll take that tv."

Again the salesman said: "No, we don't sell to blondes."

So she left again and came back with her hair dyed black and...
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Protons, neutrons and electrons

Are the little things that matter.
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What does the electron say to the resistor?

Ohm my god you're impeding me. *initiate knee slap
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What did one S-orbital electron say to the other?

"I'll be right back, I have to go P."
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55 protons, 78 neutrons, 55 electrons, 6 croutons.

Cesium salad.
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How did the DJ threaten his unruly apprentice who was responsible for all of the electronic beats

He threatened him with real percussions
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Hi electron, will you be at home tonight?

Probably.
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What do you call an insect that is into electronic music?

A house fly.
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Someone should make an electronics shop that sells resistors and call it:

The Ohm Depot
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That electronic musician is so promiscious...

...he puts the MIDI in chlamydia.
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I went to an Art Gallery, it was $60 to enter and $80 to look at each picture.

It was called Electronic Arts.
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What fuels electronics but drains a relationship?

Battery
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Fixing or building electronics is kind of like the rememberal from Harry Potter.

When the smoke comes out, it means you've forgotten something.
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A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'

'Of course child. What may I do for you?'

‘Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes ...
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Even after repeated search attempts, the atom couldn't find its lost electron...

Yet, on the brighter side, it remained positive.
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What makes electronics work?

Smoke.
If you let the smoke out, the electronic component stops working.
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Electronic Arts should release physical analog day planners.

DLC for Months.
.
Literally.
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A human losing weight is like an atom losing electrons

Everything is positive after that.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do a vibrator and a farmer's alarm clock have in common?

They're both electronic replacements for cocks.

A retail worker was talking to a customer when they noticed some long, high pitched noises coming from the electronic section

‘Your Macbooks aren’t breaking are they?’ mused the slightly concerned customer.


The worker listened to the noise for a moment before motioning offhandedly to the speaker section.

‘Don’t worry, it’s just a Dell.’
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TIL there's one country that still doesn't use ANY form of electronic money transfer.

It's the Cheque Republic
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Which electronic component do cops hate?

Resistors.
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All Electrons were having the party

All Electrons were having the party

Suddenly protons attacked them..

A hero came and saved the electrons..

Electrons asked hero: "Who are you ?? "

.

.

.

.

Hero said : " BOND .. COVALENT BOND "
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two American business men in the 1980s are visiting Tokyo, Japan to make a business deal with an electronics company

Sadly the CEO (Mr. Yamoto) had an unexpected issue to deal with at one of his factories and couldn't see the men that day, but had his COO (Mr. Hagino) not only invite the two Americans to join them for a round of golf the next day to discuss business, but also to show them around and keep them ent...

Blonde walks into an Electronics store

She walks up to one of the Items and taps the nearest sales person on the shoulder “excuse me sir, how much for that TV??”
The sales person looked her up and down and said “I’m sorry ma’am but we don’t sell TV’s to blondes”
The blonde gets upset and leaves the store.
She goes home furious...
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How do you get rich from electronics?

Tell janet from homeware that he's been cheating on her.
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A blonde enters an electronics store...

She goes to the store owner and asks him to sell her the TV she picked.

He refuses, telling her that he can't sell the TV to a Blonde.

She comes back the next day, after dyeing her hair black, and asks him the same question. He again tells her that he can't sell the tv to a Blonde.
...
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I failed my electronics exam today.

Apparently, a transistor is not a black woman dressed as a man

My friend can’t decide what type of electronics to get,

and he’s kinda upset about it.

No one can console him.
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Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons, and Electrons

They forgot to mention Morons.
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An ion walks into a bar and tells the bartender “I think I dropped an electron on the way in.” The bartender asks, “are you sure?”

“I’m positive”
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Two electrons were following quantum physics principles, as usual, while exchanging virtual protons to conduct an electric current

One electron said to the other, "This quantum trading stuff sounds like imaginary nonsense; if I can carry meaningful information faster than the speed of light, then I will."

The remaining electron watched his former partner depart into the nether, sighed, then said to his collar microphone,...
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A blond woman walks into a electronics shop

The owner of the shops asks if he can help her and she points and says : ‘I would like to buy that television.’ The owner says: ‘we don’t sell to blondes.’

So she leaves and comes back to the shop with a red colored wig on and points and says : ‘I would like to buy that television.’ Again th...
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A Blonde walked into a electronics store...

She came in the shop and asked for a Tv. The man asked her which one. She pointed to the one she thought was cheapest. Instantly the guard said "No blondes allowed".

The next day she came in wearing a red wig. She did the exact same thing and the guard kicked her out again.

The 3rd d...
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Healthy Marriage reminds me of Cheap Electronics

Battery’s not included
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LPT: Always read product reviews before buying electronics

Like a lot of people, I’ve been drawn in by Amazon to check out their prime day deals. I was browsing through the electronics earlier, looking for a new flash drive for transferring documents between my home and work computers. The primary one I use currently is only USB 2.0 and I figured it might ...
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