What does Mr Krabs have to do with the periodic table?

Agagagagagagag

What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?

Au revoir.

What is a pirate's favourite element on the periodic table?

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgon

What's a weeb's favorite element on the periodic table?

Manganese

Have you heard the joke about the periodic table?

It’s Oxygen Potassium.

Periodic table lesson

What did the scientist say when he found two helium atoms?


"He-He!"



(It's ok I know where the door is, bye)

The periodic table just got one block smaller

Scientists now say Plutonium is not a real element

If you ever encounter an evil witch show them the periodic table

They're good at chemistry

There was an election amongst the elements of the periodic table and Iron voted for Zinc...

... because Zinc was able to galvanize Iron.

Who wants to hear my joke about the periodic table?

Actually Na, people won't get it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a pirate's favorite element in the periodic table?

Gold. Why the fuck would a pirate need Argon?

What did the student say after learning all the symbols on the periodic table?

“Fluorine-Uranium-Carbon-Potassium this! Never again!”

What did the rest of the periodic table say as gold went home at the end of the day?

Au revoir!

I just noticed the Periodic Table has been updated recently. Welcome #119- "AH"!

The element of surprise!

Eminem is that guy in chemistry class that raps the whole periodic table.

But skips Oxygen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once masturbated in front of the Periodic Table

I was arrested for indecent exposure to the elements!

I auditioned for a musical about the periodic table

I got the lead role!

My friend asked me if she could use my periodic table

I said "sorry, I left it atom"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm very possessive of the 83rd element on the periodic table?

It's my bismuth.

What's another name for the Periodic Table of elements?

The atoms family.

The chemistry department cafeteria has good food, but finding a place to sit can be a challenge.

They only have periodic tables.

What element in the Periodic Table of Elements can you not take seriously?

Silly-con!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My boyfriend should be on the periodic table...

Because he's the densest motherfucker I've ever met.

The one that knows their periodic table better than anyone else....

has to be a girl.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apparently some people on Tumblr say they're sexually attracted to elements on the periodic table.

That's not really my thing ... except for that time in college when I experimented with carbon dating.

Chuck Norris joke cause it's been a long time.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

The rapper and the artifact

A very famous artifact recovered from an old monastery had been set for auction, with the promise that the money would go to an orphanage supported by the same monastery. This artifact was one of a kind, nobody knew exactly what it was but they knew that it was incredibly rare. Very few people knew ...

Call me the 7th noble gas.

Cuz I'm Og.

(yay for the completion of the 7th row of the periodic table!)

How do you track the reproductive cycle of pachyderms?

With the Periodic Table of Elephants.

What is all this #Brexit going around?

When did Bromine decide to leave the periodic table?

If Donald Trump was asked "If oxygen was discovered in 1783, how could human breathe before", this would probably be his answer.

I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me, and they ask me. They say, 'How do people breathe before the discovery of oxygen'? And I tell them, look, we know what oxygen is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of chemistry you c...

Just got a job as a scientist

and I fell in love with the periodic table whilst the music was on.

It was my chemical romance.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A student isn't paying attention in a Chemistry class.

The teacher notices this.

"JOSEPH!" She shouts.

Joseph, the student, snaps his head up, to look at the teacher.

"Have you even heard a WORD I've said?!" she yells.

Joseph nods.

"Oh REALLY?! Then, I hope you won't mind telling me and the rest of the class the 116th ...

Some (eye-rolling) Chemistry Pick-up Lines for the Valentine's season

* Are you made of Carbon? Because it feels like my world revolves around you.
* You're my Lithium.
* Are you an anion? Because I'm positive we're meant to be together.
* My heart is made of Gallium. It melts when you're close to me.
* Are you Fluorine? Because i can't seem to get myself ...

Nerdy pickup line.

Hey baby, Are you uranium because I'm Iodine and if it was up to me I would rearrange the periodic table around and put U and I together. ;)

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