Periodic table lesson

What did the scientist say when he found two helium atoms?


"He-He!"



(It's ok I know where the door is, bye)

What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?

Au revoir.

My favourite element in the periodic table is ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQSTUVWXYZ

Or, as it's also known, R gone

What did Gold say to the periodic table?

Hey you!

I would tell a joke about the periodic table.

But sadly all the good ones argon.

A man recently died after a periodic table display fell on him...

The official cause of death was, "Exposure to the Elements".

The periodic table just got one block smaller

Scientists now say Plutonium is not a real element

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In chemistry class the experiment called for 36 grams of the 83rd element on the periodic table. I could see that the girl next to me had weighed out 42 grams. When I told her she was getting a bit heavy she said....

I should mind my own bismuth.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a pirate's favorite element in the periodic table?

Gold. Why the fuck would a pirate need Argon?

Eminem is that guy in chemistry class that raps the whole periodic table.

But skips Oxygen.

I auditioned for a musical about the periodic table

I got the lead role!

There was an election amongst the elements of the periodic table and Iron voted for Zinc...

... because Zinc was able to galvanize Iron.

What did the student say after learning all the symbols on the periodic table?

“Fluorine-Uranium-Carbon-Potassium this! Never again!”

What's another name for the Periodic Table of elements?

The atoms family.

What does Mr Krabs have to do with the periodic table?

Agagagagagagag

My friend drew a giant periodic table and tripped on number 10

He's fine, but he could have hurt his Neon that

If you ever encounter an evil witch show them the periodic table

They're good at chemistry

What did the rest of the periodic table say as gold went home at the end of the day?

Au revoir!

Which element of the Periodic Table is the poorest?

Antimony. ^I'm ^so ^sorry...

My friend asked me if she could use my periodic table

I said "sorry, I left it atom"

The chemistry department cafeteria has good food, but finding a place to sit can be a challenge.

They only have periodic tables.

Chuck Norris joke cause it's been a long time.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

What element in the Periodic Table of Elements can you not take seriously?

Silly-con!

A world renowned chemist dies.

A world renowned chemist dies. His will states that he wishes for all of his favorite elements from the periodic table be included with his body. They go to his wife and ask "Are we really going to put a bunch of elements in his casket?
To which she replies
"No, just Barium"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My boyfriend should be on the periodic table...

Because he's the densest motherfucker I've ever met.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apparently some people on Tumblr say they're sexually attracted to elements on the periodic table.

That's not really my thing ... except for that time in college when I experimented with carbon dating.

The dying chemist tells his assistant..

To check the following numbers in the periodic table. Confused, but still wishing to follow his directions, he listens carefully and the chemist lists down the numbers, 10, 23, 47, 8, 7, 47, 53, 23, 63, 92, 15. After listung them down, the assistant tells the chemist he did it, and with a smile, the...

What is all this #Brexit going around?

When did Bromine decide to leave the periodic table?

I didn’t study for chemistry

My chem teacher once asked me what S was on the periodic table, and I didn’t know so I said “the element of Surprise,” apparently he was surprised with my answer.

The rapper and the artifact

A very famous artifact recovered from an old monastery had been set for auction, with the promise that the money would go to an orphanage supported by the same monastery. This artifact was one of a kind, nobody knew exactly what it was but they knew that it was incredibly rare. Very few people knew ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A student isn't paying attention in a Chemistry class.

The teacher notices this.

"JOSEPH!" She shouts.

Joseph, the student, snaps his head up, to look at the teacher.

"Have you even heard a WORD I've said?!" she yells.

Joseph nods.

"Oh REALLY?! Then, I hope you won't mind telling me and the rest of the class the 116th ...

How do you track the reproductive cycle of pachyderms?

With the Periodic Table of Elephants.

Call me the 7th noble gas.

Cuz I'm Og.

(yay for the completion of the 7th row of the periodic table!)

Some (eye-rolling) Chemistry Pick-up Lines for the Valentine's season

* Are you made of Carbon? Because it feels like my world revolves around you.
* You're my Lithium.
* Are you an anion? Because I'm positive we're meant to be together.
* My heart is made of Gallium. It melts when you're close to me.
* Are you Fluorine? Because i can't seem to get myself ...

Just got a job as a scientist

and I fell in love with the periodic table whilst the music was on.

It was my chemical romance.

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