UPJOKE
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My favourite element in the periodic table is ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQSTUVWXYZ

Or, as it's also known, R gone

What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?

Au revoir.

Periodic table lesson

What did the scientist say when he found two helium atoms?


"He-He!"



(It's ok I know where the door is, bye)

What did the student say after learning all the symbols on the periodic table?

“Fluorine-Uranium-Carbon-Potassium this! Never again!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In chemistry class the experiment called for 36 grams of the 83rd element on the periodic table. I could see that the girl next to me had weighed out 42 grams. When I told her she was getting a bit heavy she said....

I should mind my own bismuth.

A man recently died after a periodic table display fell on him...

The official cause of death was "Exposure to the Elements".

I would tell a joke about the periodic table.

But sadly all the good ones argon.

I auditioned for a musical about the periodic table

I got the lead role!

Eminem is that guy in chemistry class that raps the whole periodic table.

But skips Oxygen.

There was an election amongst the elements of the periodic table and Iron voted for Zinc...

... because Zinc was able to galvanize Iron.

What’s a pirates favorite element on the periodic table?

Gold. What the hell would they need argon for?

Elements of the periodic table are being interviewed

The interviewer asks Oxygen what they are. Oxygen says "I'm a gas."


The interviewer asks Copper what they are. Copper says "I'm a solid."


The interviewer asks Bromine what they are. Bromine says "I'm a liquid."


The interviewer asks Roentgenium what they are. Roentgen...

The periodic table just got one block smaller

Scientists now say Plutonium is not a real element

Which element of the Periodic Table is the poorest?

Antimony. ^I'm ^so ^sorry...

What did the rest of the periodic table say as gold went home at the end of the day?

Au revoir!

Chuck Norris joke cause it's been a long time.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

If you ever encounter an evil witch show them the periodic table

They're good at chemistry

My friend drew a giant periodic table and tripped on number 10

He's fine, but he could have hurt his Neon that

What's another name for the Periodic Table of elements?

The atoms family.

My friend asked me if she could use my periodic table

I said "sorry, I left it atom"

What element in the Periodic Table of Elements can you not take seriously?

Silly-con!

What does Mr Krabs have to do with the periodic table?

Agagagagagagag

A world renowned chemist dies.

A world renowned chemist dies. His will states that he wishes for all of his favorite elements from the periodic table be included with his body. They go to his wife and ask "Are we really going to put a bunch of elements in his casket?
To which she replies
"No, just Barium"

The dying chemist tells his assistant..

To check the following numbers in the periodic table. Confused, but still wishing to follow his directions, he listens carefully and the chemist lists down the numbers, 10, 23, 47, 8, 7, 47, 53, 23, 63, 92, 15. After listung them down, the assistant tells the chemist he did it, and with a smile, the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A student isn't paying attention in a Chemistry class.

The teacher notices this.

"JOSEPH!" She shouts.

Joseph, the student, snaps his head up, to look at the teacher.

"Have you even heard a WORD I've said?!" she yells.

Joseph nods.

"Oh REALLY?! Then, I hope you won't mind telling me and the rest of the class the 116th ...

The chemistry department cafeteria has good food, but finding a place to sit can be a challenge.

They only have periodic tables.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My boyfriend should be on the periodic table...

Because he's the densest motherfucker I've ever met.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apparently some people on Tumblr say they're sexually attracted to elements on the periodic table.

That's not really my thing ... except for that time in college when I experimented with carbon dating.

I didn’t study for chemistry

My chem teacher once asked me what S was on the periodic table, and I didn’t know so I said “the element of Surprise,” apparently he was surprised with my answer.

I don’t understand Oganesson

It’s currently the last element on the periodic table, but it claims to be the Og

Some (eye-rolling) Chemistry Pick-up Lines for the Valentine's season

* Are you made of Carbon? Because it feels like my world revolves around you.
* You're my Lithium.
* Are you an anion? Because I'm positive we're meant to be together.
* My heart is made of Gallium. It melts when you're close to me.
* Are you Fluorine? Because i can't seem to get myself ...

Call me the 7th noble gas.

Cuz I'm Og.

(yay for the completion of the 7th row of the periodic table!)

What is all this #Brexit going around?

When did Bromine decide to leave the periodic table?

Just got a job as a scientist

and I fell in love with the periodic table whilst the music was on.

It was my chemical romance.

Nerdy pickup line.

Hey baby, Are you uranium because I'm Iodine and if it was up to me I would rearrange the periodic table around and put U and I together. ;)

How do you track the reproductive cycle of pachyderms?

With the Periodic Table of Elephants.

If Donald Trump was asked "If oxygen was discovered in 1783, how could human breathe before", this would probably be his answer.

I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me, and they ask me. They say, 'How do people breathe before the discovery of oxygen'? And I tell them, look, we know what oxygen is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of chemistry you c...

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