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Ion Jokes

What fish is made of only two sodium ions?

2 Na

:D

Have you heard the one about the hydroxide ion?

Nevermind, it's really basic

A Photon and an Ion went to the airport

A photon and an ion went to the airport. When they got there, the other
passengers were surprised to see the ion handed his ticket without
paying, and the photon get waved through security. "What gives?" an
irate passenger asked. "Why does the photon get to go through
security?" "Oh," sa...

What's the difference between a seal and sea lion?

One electron

A positive ion stole an electron yesterday.

He got away with no charge.

An atom loses an electron...

It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."

What did the hydroxide ion say when it suddenly understood its purpose in life?

OH-

What do you get when you wreck a Honda Accord into a Saturn Ion?

An Accordion.

...I'll, uh, see myself out.

What charges can you expect when you mix sodium chloride and lithium ion?

A salt and battery charges.

A hydroxide ion and a nitric oxide molecule walk into a bar.

The bartender says: "OH NO".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An H+ ion and a hydrogen atom were bonding

"No homo?" the hydrogen atom asks.
"No homo," the H+ ion says sadly.

Yo girl, do you contain lots of Hydroxide ions?

'Cause you're pretty basic.

What is the frat guy's favorite ion?

Bromide

What do you call an edible ion?

An onion

Why can't you trust a Lithium Ion battery?

Because they're always Li-ion!

Looking into buying a Saturn Ion sedan..

All the reviews I have read have been positive or negative.

What do you call an ion that also raps?

Fluoride, duh.

What do nuclear plants serve their workers for lunch?

Fission Chips

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce “unionized.”

What did the chlorine atom say to the sodium atom?

I've got my ion you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An ion walks into a bar...

A waitress comes over and the ion orders a whiskey. Time passes and people come and go. The ion is now on his fifth drink and is becoming increasingly erratic. The waitress brings over another round, but this time the ion tries to slap her on the ass as she leaves.

That's it for you, hon,...

How is a hydrogen ion similar to North Korea?

They have no electrons.

So a ion walks into a bar...

So an ion walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "hey I may have lost an electron." Bartender asks in reply, "are you sure?" Ion answers, "yeah, I'm positive."

Sometimes I feel like a seal is just a neutral sea lion

Neutral

As in

Without an ion

I'm positive I lost an electron...

...better keep an ion that.

An crying man walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What's wrong?" The man replies "My brother was just sentenced to 5 years prison time. he was taking gold, removing all of the electrons and selling the gold ions for profit!"

The bartender replies "Damn, those are some serious charges."

What did the super spy polyatomic ion say when he walked into the bar?

The name's Bond, Covalent Bond

An atom walks into a bar...

The bartender says "For you, no charge"

The ion next to him says "That's discrimination!"

A molecule tells another:

“A free electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You gotta keep your ion them!”

I'm not good with science jokes

I would make a science joke but.. Ion know..

I could try physics, but I don't wanna force it

Maybe chemistry? ...Na

Or biology, but those jokes don't cell well, and I don't like denature

I'd ask my teacher for help with jokes but he's not a very fungi

I think I saw my friend with an extra electron...

...so I'm going to keep an ion him.

What is negatively charged and will make you cry if you cut it in half?

An anion.

What's a nuclear engineer's favourite meal?

Fission chips

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why Don't Jews Like Ions?

They prefer their molecules free of charge.

I wrote this joke just for this sub, because people wrongly complain there are never any original jokes here: What's a ferrous particle's favorite constellation?

*Ore-ion*

How can you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask them to say the word unionized.

(This is the same joke I post every year on my cake day)

A group of scientists start a band. What's it called?

Ion Maiden

I find chemistry jokes really boring

Everytime I hear one, Ion

Finally watched the Bee movie

It was good insect-ions

Modern batteries would not work without ionized lithium.

The ions appear to be pretty volatile, I've heard a lot of electronics factories are afraid of unionisation.

Cation

Pronunciation : [kat-ahy-uhn,-on]

-Noun Chemistry

1.An ion with paws-tive charge.
2.The cutest ion ever.

What does Iron Man become when he falls into water?

Ion man.

Do you know what it feels like to lose an electron?

You tell me, Ion know.

What happens if you give an electron to a seal?

It becomes a seal ion.

How did the particle physicist escape his laboratory unseen?

He created a diverse ion.

A sodium atom undergoes a vigorous reaction with flourine...

How do you feel?" Asks the fluoride ion.

"Positively shell shocked" the sodium ion replied.

What's the most careful particle?

A caut ion.

Scientists have recently discovered that a pinniped’s external ear flaps carry an electric charge

If you put them on a seal, you get a seal ion.

Why did the lead acid battery have to tell the truth?

Because if it didn't it would be Li-ion.

Hear are sum morre punny science jokes

How often do I tell chemistry jokes? Periodically.

Is Silicon the same in English as in Spanish? Si.

The last time I told a chemistry joke there was no reaction.

Chemistry puns Im in my element.

What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium

Ion-estly cant think of...

What's the difference between a seal and a sealion?

A seal is neutral but a seal ion has a positive or negative charge

What does an Australian chemist call is bro?

Bromate

Sorry, just studying my poly atomic ions and thought I was clever. I thought wrong

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say when you're nervous, you get butterflies in your stomach.

This really bugged me, so I had a surgeon perform an insect-ion to see if this was true. The results were extremely alarving. What they found in my stomach will moth likely make you feel sqwormish.

What did Snoop Dogg change his name to when he got into R/C racing?

Snoop *Li-ion*.

On a faraway island lived a solitary genius

On a tribal island, far far away from here, lived a man called Cong Clu. Mr. Clu was a physicist, and had lately taken a liking to particle physics.

His research, however, was disturbed quite a lot, by the strong magnetic flow from the ferrous rocks, that the island was made up of, and in the...

I dont wanna do what I did in Texas.....

Man rides up to a saloon on a beautifullly patterned Palomino stallion, ties the horse to the rail, walks inside, orders lunch and a beer. After his meal is done he gets up, pays the waitress and walks out the doors...to find his horse missing.

He sighs mournfully, removes the safety loops on...

One day a man brought home a custom fan [Long]

One day a man bought a custom electric fan in the colors of his favorite sports team. It had a remote control and an ion freshener and all the bells and whistles. It even announced when the next game would be! It was expensive, but the man loved his team and well, summer is hot. His wife, none too h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

john arrives in heaven

And at the entrance, St. Peter shows him a high high-rise building where they must enter.

The problem is that the building does not have an elevator so they slowly take the stairs.

On the first floor there is a corridor with doors on both sides and from all rooms there can be heard rel...

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