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Ion Jokes

A Photon and an Ion went to the airport

A photon and an ion went to the airport. When they got there, the other
passengers were surprised to see the ion handed his ticket without
paying, and the photon get waved through security. "What gives?" an
irate passenger asked. "Why does the photon get to go through
security?" "Oh," sa...

Have you heard the one about the hydroxide ion?

Nevermind, it's really basic

What is negatively charged and will make you cry if you cut it in half?

An anion.

What did the chlorine atom say to the sodium atom?

I've got my ion you.

What fish is made of only two sodium ions?

2 Na

:D

What do you get when you wreck a Honda Accord into a Saturn Ion?

An Accordion.

...I'll, uh, see myself out.

An ion walks into a bar and tells the bartender “I think I dropped an electron on the way in.” The bartender asks, “are you sure?”

“I’m positive”

A hydroxide ion and a nitric oxide molecule walk into a bar.

The bartender says: "OH NO".

What did the hydroxide ion say when it suddenly understood its purpose in life?

OH-

What charges can you expect when you mix sodium chloride and lithium ion?

A salt and battery charges.

What's a nuclear engineer's favourite meal?

Fission chips

An atom walks into a bar...

The bartender says "For you, no charge"

The ion next to him says "That's discrimination!"

What do nuclear plants serve their workers for lunch?

Fission Chips

An crying man walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What's wrong?" The man replies "My brother was just sentenced to 5 years prison time. he was taking gold, removing all of the electrons and selling the gold ions for profit!"

The bartender replies "Damn, those are some serious charges."

What do you call an ion that also raps?

Fluoride, duh.

A positive ion stole an electron yesterday.

He got away with no charge.

What is the frat guy's favorite ion?

Bromide

What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion?

An electron.


I'll see myself out now

A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions...

A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, professor, what if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion; that's my wife!"

Why can't you trust a Lithium Ion battery?

Because they're always Li-ion!

Looking into buying a Saturn Ion sedan..

All the reviews I have read have been positive or negative.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An ion walks into a bar...

A waitress comes over and the ion orders a whiskey. Time passes and people come and go. The ion is now on his fifth drink and is becoming increasingly erratic. The waitress brings over another round, but this time the ion tries to slap her on the ass as she leaves.

That's it for you, hon,...

How is a hydrogen ion similar to North Korea?

They have no electrons.

I wrote this joke just for this sub, because people wrongly complain there are never any original jokes here: What's a ferrous particle's favorite constellation?

*Ore-ion*

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce “unionized.”

How can you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask them to say the word unionized.

(This is the same joke I post every year on my cake day)

Sometimes I feel like a seal is just a neutral sea lion

Neutral

As in

Without an ion

An atom loses an electron...

It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."

I think I saw my friend with an extra electron...

...so I'm going to keep an ion him.

A group of scientists start a band. What's it called?

Ion Maiden

Finally watched the Bee movie

It was good insect-ions

I dont wanna do what I did in Texas.....

Man rides up to a saloon on a beautifullly patterned Palomino stallion, ties the horse to the rail, walks inside, orders lunch and a beer. After his meal is done he gets up, pays the waitress and walks out the doors...to find his horse missing.

He sighs mournfully, removes the safety loops on...

Modern batteries would not work without ionized lithium.

The ions appear to be pretty volatile, I've heard a lot of electronics factories are afraid of unionisation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why Don't Jews Like Ions?

They prefer their molecules free of charge.

I find chemistry jokes really boring

Everytime I hear one, Ion

How do you call a lion powered on battery?

A Li-ion.

My blanket kept losing electrons.

It was my fault: the instructions said I shouldn't use an ion.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say when you're nervous, you get butterflies in your stomach.

This really bugged me, so I had a surgeon perform an insect-ion to see if this was true. The results were extremely alarving. What they found in my stomach will moth likely make you feel sqwormish.

Do you know what it feels like to lose an electron?

You tell me, Ion know.

How did the particle physicist escape his laboratory unseen?

He created a diverse ion.

Hear are sum morre punny science jokes

How often do I tell chemistry jokes? Periodically.

Is Silicon the same in English as in Spanish? Si.

The last time I told a chemistry joke there was no reaction.

Chemistry puns Im in my element.

What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium

Ion-estly cant think of...

Why did the lead acid battery have to tell the truth?

Because if it didn't it would be Li-ion.

What's the most careful particle?

A caut ion.

Scientists have recently discovered that a pinniped’s external ear flaps carry an electric charge

If you put them on a seal, you get a seal ion.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

john arrives in heaven

And at the entrance, St. Peter shows him a high high-rise building where they must enter.

The problem is that the building does not have an elevator so they slowly take the stairs.

On the first floor there is a corridor with doors on both sides and from all rooms there can be heard rel...

An old professor of Particle Physics and his assistant were having beers at a pub in London when the conversation drifted to the experiments with the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva, Switzerland.

The assistant mentioned one of the wonderous things the famous particle collider can do. "The Collider can accelerate protons," the assistant began.

The professor smiled and said, "Yes, I've seen it do that, personally."

Surprised and intrigued that his mentor had worked with ...

Cation

Pronunciation : [kat-ahy-uhn,-on]

-Noun Chemistry

1.An ion with paws-tive charge.
2.The cutest ion ever.

One day a man brought home a custom fan [Long]

One day a man bought a custom electric fan in the colors of his favorite sports team. It had a remote control and an ion freshener and all the bells and whistles. It even announced when the next game would be! It was expensive, but the man loved his team and well, summer is hot. His wife, none too h...

What's the difference between a seal and a sealion?

A seal is neutral but a seal ion has a positive or negative charge

On a faraway island lived a solitary genius

On a tribal island, far far away from here, lived a man called Cong Clu. Mr. Clu was a physicist, and had lately taken a liking to particle physics.

His research, however, was disturbed quite a lot, by the strong magnetic flow from the ferrous rocks, that the island was made up of, and in the...

What did Snoop Dogg change his name to when he got into R/C racing?

Snoop *Li-ion*.

A sodium atom undergoes a vigorous reaction with flourine...

How do you feel?" Asks the fluoride ion.

"Positively shell shocked" the sodium ion replied.

What does an Australian chemist call is bro?

Bromate

Sorry, just studying my poly atomic ions and thought I was clever. I thought wrong

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