UPJOKE
cationatomanionelectric chargeprotonelectronelectrolytevoltagemoleculeparticleelectrodeplasmahydroxidemagnetic fieldatoms

what is the difference between a seal and a sea lion?

An electron.

An atom walks into a bar...

The bartender says "For you, no charge"

The ion next to him says "That's discrimination!"

What's a nuclear engineer's favourite meal?

Fission chips

A Photon and an Ion went to the airport

A photon and an ion went to the airport. When they got there, the other
passengers were surprised to see the ion handed his ticket without
paying, and the photon get waved through security. "What gives?" an
irate passenger asked. "Why does the photon get to go through
security?" "Oh," sa...

Have you heard the one about the hydroxide ion?

Nevermind, it's really basic

What fish is made of only two sodium ions?

2 Na

:D

An ion walks into a bar and tells the bartender “I think I dropped an electron on the way in.” The bartender asks, “are you sure?”

“I’m positive”

What do you get when you wreck a Honda Accord into a Saturn Ion?

An Accordion.

...I'll, uh, see myself out.

What did the hydroxide ion say when it suddenly understood its purpose in life?

OH-

What do nuclear plants serve their workers for lunch?

Fission Chips

A hydroxide ion and a nitric oxide molecule walk into a bar.

The bartender says: "OH NO".

I wrote this joke just for this sub, because people wrongly complain there are never any original jokes here: What's a ferrous particle's favorite constellation?

*Ore-ion*

An crying man walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What's wrong?" The man replies "My brother was just sentenced to 5 years prison time. he was taking gold, removing all of the electrons and selling the gold ions for profit!"

The bartender replies "Damn, those are some serious charges."

A positive ion stole an electron yesterday.

He got away with no charge.

What do you call an ion that also raps?

Fluoride, duh.

What is the frat guy's favorite ion?

Bromide

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and an electrician?

Ask them how to pronounce “unionized”

Why can't you trust a Lithium Ion battery?

Because they're always Li-ion!

Looking into buying a Saturn Ion sedan..

All the reviews I have read have been positive or negative.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An ion walks into a bar...

A waitress comes over and the ion orders a whiskey. Time passes and people come and go. The ion is now on his fifth drink and is becoming increasingly erratic. The waitress brings over another round, but this time the ion tries to slap her on the ass as she leaves.

That's it for you, hon,...

How is a hydrogen ion similar to North Korea?

They have no electrons.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why Don't Jews Like Ions?

They prefer their molecules free of charge.

What did the super spy polyatomic ion say when he walked into the bar?

The name's Bond, Covalent Bond

What did the chlorine atom say to the sodium atom?

I've got my ion you.

Sometimes I feel like a seal is just a neutral sea lion

Neutral

As in

Without an ion

Modern batteries would not work without ionized lithium.

The ions appear to be pretty volatile, I've heard a lot of electronics factories are afraid of unionisation.

A group of scientists start a band. What's it called?

Ion Maiden

An atom loses an electron...

It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."

Finally watched the Bee movie

It was good insect-ions

I think I saw my friend with an extra electron...

...so I'm going to keep an ion him.

I find chemistry jokes really boring

Everytime I hear one, Ion

I dont wanna do what I did in Texas.....

Man rides up to a saloon on a beautifullly patterned Palomino stallion, ties the horse to the rail, walks inside, orders lunch and a beer. After his meal is done he gets up, pays the waitress and walks out the doors...to find his horse missing.

He sighs mournfully, removes the safety loops on...

How do you call a lion powered on battery?

A Li-ion.

Why did H2O crack down on the NaCl?

They tried to un-ionize.

How did the particle physicist escape his laboratory unseen?

He created a diverse ion.

Scientists have recently discovered that a pinniped’s external ear flaps carry an electric charge

If you put them on a seal, you get a seal ion.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say when you're nervous, you get butterflies in your stomach.

This really bugged me, so I had a surgeon perform an insect-ion to see if this was true. The results were extremely alarving. What they found in my stomach will moth likely make you feel sqwormish.

Do you know what it feels like to lose an electron?

You tell me, Ion know.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

john arrives in heaven

And at the entrance, St. Peter shows him a high high-rise building where they must enter.

The problem is that the building does not have an elevator so they slowly take the stairs.

On the first floor there is a corridor with doors on both sides and from all rooms there can be heard rel...

What's the most careful particle?

A caut ion.

Hear are sum morre punny science jokes

How often do I tell chemistry jokes? Periodically.

Is Silicon the same in English as in Spanish? Si.

The last time I told a chemistry joke there was no reaction.

Chemistry puns Im in my element.

What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium

Ion-estly cant think of...

Why did the lead acid battery have to tell the truth?

Because if it didn't it would be Li-ion.

Two Chemists Were Talking

Chemist 1 : I'm afraid I forgot a couple polyatomic ion formulas

Chemist 2 : Which ones?

Chemist 1 : Hydroxide and Nitrate

Chemist 2 : OH NO3

An old professor of Particle Physics and his assistant were having beers at a pub in London when the conversation drifted to the experiments with the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva, Switzerland.

The assistant mentioned one of the wonderous things the famous particle collider can do. "The Collider can accelerate protons," the assistant began.

The professor smiled and said, "Yes, I've seen it do that, personally."

Surprised and intrigued that his mentor had worked with ...

Cation

Pronunciation : [kat-ahy-uhn,-on]

-Noun Chemistry

1.An ion with paws-tive charge.
2.The cutest ion ever.

What do you call a Seal with an extra electron?

A Seal-ion.

What's the difference between a seal and a sealion?

A seal is neutral but a seal ion has a positive or negative charge

On a faraway island lived a solitary genius

On a tribal island, far far away from here, lived a man called Cong Clu. Mr. Clu was a physicist, and had lately taken a liking to particle physics.

His research, however, was disturbed quite a lot, by the strong magnetic flow from the ferrous rocks, that the island was made up of, and in the...

What did Snoop Dogg change his name to when he got into R/C racing?

Snoop *Li-ion*.

A sodium atom undergoes a vigorous reaction with flourine...

How do you feel?" Asks the fluoride ion.

"Positively shell shocked" the sodium ion replied.

What does an Australian chemist call is bro?

Bromate

Sorry, just studying my poly atomic ions and thought I was clever. I thought wrong

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