Girl: You’re like a hypobromite ion to me.

Me: A what?

Girl: A BrO−

My chemistry teacher threw sodium chloride and Lithium ions at me

That’s a salt and battery

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An H+ ion and a hydrogen atom were bonding

"No homo?" the hydrogen atom asks.
"No homo," the H+ ion says sadly.

What did the hydroxide ion say when it suddenly understood its purpose in life?

OH-

What's the difference between a scientist and plumber?

The way they pronounce unionized

A group of scientists start a band. What's it called?

Ion Maiden

What fish is made of only two sodium ions?

2 Na

:D

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An ion walks into a bar...

A waitress comes over and the ion orders a whiskey. Time passes and people come and go. The ion is now on his fifth drink and is becoming increasingly erratic. The waitress brings over another round, but this time the ion tries to slap her on the ass as she leaves.

That's it for you, hon,...

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and an electrician?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized"

What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion?

One electron.

TIFU by combining a hydroxide ion with nitric oxide.

OH NO

What do you get when you wreck a Honda Accord into a Saturn Ion?

An Accordion.

...I'll, uh, see myself out.

How is a hydrogen ion similar to North Korea?

They have no electrons.

An ion walks into a bar and tells the bartender “I think I dropped an electron on the way in.” The bartender asks, “are you sure?”

“I’m positive”

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Ion leaves his small eastern European village and becomes 'John' - a business man. After some time of great success he returns to his village and offers each villager $100

Ion leaves his small eastern European village and becomes 'John' - a business man. After some time of great success he returns to his village and offers each villager $100. Everyone is happy and they all praise John for being a great guy. Next year he dos the same, all villagers happy again. The thi...

An crying man walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What's wrong?" The man replies "My brother was just sentenced to 5 years prison time. he was taking gold, removing all of the electrons and selling the gold ions for profit!"

The bartender replies "Damn, those are some serious charges."

Do you know what it feels like to lose an electron?

You tell me, Ion know.

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Why Don't Jews Like Ions?

They prefer their molecules free of charge.

A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions...

A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, professor, what if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion; that's my wife!"

A positive ion stole an electron yesterday.

He got away with no charge.

My blanket kept losing electrons.

It was my fault: the instructions said I shouldn't use an ion.

What is the frat guy's favorite ion?

Bromide

Why can't you trust a Lithium Ion battery?

Because they're always Li-ion!

What do you call an ion that also raps?

Fluoride, duh.

I dont wanna do what I did in Texas.....

Man rides up to a saloon on a beautifullly patterned Palomino stallion, ties the horse to the rail, walks inside, orders lunch and a beer. After his meal is done he gets up, pays the waitress and walks out the doors...to find his horse missing.

He sighs mournfully, removes the safety loops on...

An atom loses an electron...

It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."

What do British nuclear engineers eat?

Fission chips.

Looking into buying a Saturn Ion sedan..

All the reviews I have read have been positive or negative.

What did the molecule say to the atom after he got in trouble?

I’ve got my ion you.

Sometimes I feel like a seal is just a neutral sea lion

Neutral

As in

Without an ion

How did the particle physicist escape his laboratory unseen?

He created a diverse ion.

What's the most careful particle?

A caut ion.

I think I saw my friend with an extra electron...

...so I'm going to keep an ion him.

An old professor of Particle Physics and his assistant were having beers at a pub in London when the conversation drifted to the experiments with the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva, Switzerland.

The assistant mentioned one of the wonderous things the famous particle collider can do. "The Collider can accelerate protons," the assistant began.

The professor smiled and said, "Yes, I've seen it do that, personally."

Surprised and intrigued that his mentor had worked with ...

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john arrives in heaven

And at the entrance, St. Peter shows him a high high-rise building where they must enter.

The problem is that the building does not have an elevator so they slowly take the stairs.

On the first floor there is a corridor with doors on both sides and from all rooms there can be heard rel...

Two Chemists Were Talking

Chemist 1 : I'm afraid I forgot a couple polyatomic ion formulas

Chemist 2 : Which ones?

Chemist 1 : Hydroxide and Nitrate

Chemist 2 : OH NO3

On a faraway island lived a solitary genius

On a tribal island, far far away from here, lived a man called Cong Clu. Mr. Clu was a physicist, and had lately taken a liking to particle physics.

His research, however, was disturbed quite a lot, by the strong magnetic flow from the ferrous rocks, that the island was made up of, and in the...

One day a man brought home a custom fan [Long]

One day a man bought a custom electric fan in the colors of his favorite sports team. It had a remote control and an ion freshener and all the bells and whistles. It even announced when the next game would be! It was expensive, but the man loved his team and well, summer is hot. His wife, none too h...

What do you call a Seal with an extra electron?

A Seal-ion.

Why did the lead acid battery have to tell the truth?

Because if it didn't it would be Li-ion.

What did Snoop Dogg change his name to when he got into R/C racing?

Snoop *Li-ion*.

Hear are sum morre punny science jokes

How often do I tell chemistry jokes? Periodically.

Is Silicon the same in English as in Spanish? Si.

The last time I told a chemistry joke there was no reaction.

Chemistry puns Im in my element.

What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium

Ion-estly cant think of...

What's the difference between a seal and a sealion?

A seal is neutral but a seal ion has a positive or negative charge

Cation

Pronunciation : [kat-ahy-uhn,-on]

-Noun Chemistry

1.An ion with paws-tive charge.
2.The cutest ion ever.

A sodium atom undergoes a vigorous reaction with flourine...

How do you feel?" Asks the fluoride ion.

"Positively shell shocked" the sodium ion replied.

What does an Australian chemist call is bro?

Bromate

Sorry, just studying my poly atomic ions and thought I was clever. I thought wrong

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