A Photon and an Ion went to the airport

A photon and an ion went to the airport. When they got there, the other
passengers were surprised to see the ion handed his ticket without
paying, and the photon get waved through security. "What gives?" an
irate passenger asked. "Why does the photon get to go through
security?" "Oh," sa...

We were learning about ions today

I feel pretty positive about it

Girl: You’re like a hypobromite ion to me.

Me: A what?

Girl: A BrO−

What charges can you expect when you mix sodium chloride and lithium ion?

A salt and battery charges.

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An H+ ion and a hydrogen atom were bonding

"No homo?" the hydrogen atom asks.
"No homo," the H+ ion says sadly.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a chemical factory worker?

Write down the word *'unionized'* and ask them to pronounce it.

What fish is made of only two sodium ions?

2 Na

:D

An ion walks into a bar and tells the bartender “I think I dropped an electron on the way in.” The bartender asks, “are you sure?”

“I’m positive”

What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion?

One electron.

What did the hydroxide ion say when it suddenly understood its purpose in life?

OH-

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An ion walks into a bar...

A waitress comes over and the ion orders a whiskey. Time passes and people come and go. The ion is now on his fifth drink and is becoming increasingly erratic. The waitress brings over another round, but this time the ion tries to slap her on the ass as she leaves.

That's it for you, hon,...

An atom loses an electron…

it says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them.”

What's the difference between a scientist and plumber?

The way they pronounce unionized

How do you call a lion powered on battery?

A Li-ion.

What do you get when you wreck a Honda Accord into a Saturn Ion?

An Accordion.

...I'll, uh, see myself out.

How is a hydrogen ion similar to North Korea?

They have no electrons.

TIFU by combining a hydroxide ion with nitric oxide

OH NO!

I find chemistry jokes really boring

Everytime I hear one, Ion

Finally watched the Bee movie

It was good insect-ions

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Why Don't Jews Like Ions?

They prefer their molecules free of charge.

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They say when you're nervous, you get butterflies in your stomach.

This really bugged me, so I had a surgeon perform an insect-ion to see if this was true. The results were extremely alarving. What they found in my stomach will moth likely make you feel sqwormish.

An crying man walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What's wrong?" The man replies "My brother was just sentenced to 5 years prison time. he was taking gold, removing all of the electrons and selling the gold ions for profit!"

The bartender replies "Damn, those are some serious charges."

A positive ion stole an electron yesterday.

He got away with no charge.

What happens when you rid of ions for no money

It’s free of charge

A group of scientists start a band. What's it called?

Ion Maiden

What do you call an ion that also raps?

Fluoride, duh.

Why can't you trust a Lithium Ion battery?

Because they're always Li-ion!

What is the frat guy's favorite ion?

Bromide

Looking into buying a Saturn Ion sedan..

All the reviews I have read have been positive or negative.

What do British nuclear engineers eat?

Fission chips.

Do you know what it feels like to lose an electron?

You tell me, Ion know.

Sometimes I feel like a seal is just a neutral sea lion

Neutral

As in

Without an ion

I dont wanna do what I did in Texas.....

Man rides up to a saloon on a beautifullly patterned Palomino stallion, ties the horse to the rail, walks inside, orders lunch and a beer. After his meal is done he gets up, pays the waitress and walks out the doors...to find his horse missing.

He sighs mournfully, removes the safety loops on...

I think I saw my friend with an extra electron...

...so I'm going to keep an ion him.

What did the molecule say to the atom after he got in trouble?

I’ve got my ion you.

How did the particle physicist escape his laboratory unseen?

He created a diverse ion.

What does Iron Man become when he falls into water?

Ion man.

What's the most careful particle?

A caut ion.

An old professor of Particle Physics and his assistant were having beers at a pub in London when the conversation drifted to the experiments with the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva, Switzerland.

The assistant mentioned one of the wonderous things the famous particle collider can do. "The Collider can accelerate protons," the assistant began.

The professor smiled and said, "Yes, I've seen it do that, personally."

Surprised and intrigued that his mentor had worked with ...

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john arrives in heaven

And at the entrance, St. Peter shows him a high high-rise building where they must enter.

The problem is that the building does not have an elevator so they slowly take the stairs.

On the first floor there is a corridor with doors on both sides and from all rooms there can be heard rel...

Two Chemists Were Talking

Chemist 1 : I'm afraid I forgot a couple polyatomic ion formulas

Chemist 2 : Which ones?

Chemist 1 : Hydroxide and Nitrate

Chemist 2 : OH NO3

What do you call an atom with a negative charge?

An ion

On a faraway island lived a solitary genius

On a tribal island, far far away from here, lived a man called Cong Clu. Mr. Clu was a physicist, and had lately taken a liking to particle physics.

His research, however, was disturbed quite a lot, by the strong magnetic flow from the ferrous rocks, that the island was made up of, and in the...

What do you call a Seal with an extra electron?

A Seal-ion.

Why did the lead acid battery have to tell the truth?

Because if it didn't it would be Li-ion.

Hear are sum morre punny science jokes

How often do I tell chemistry jokes? Periodically.

Is Silicon the same in English as in Spanish? Si.

The last time I told a chemistry joke there was no reaction.

Chemistry puns Im in my element.

What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium

Ion-estly cant think of...

What did Snoop Dogg change his name to when he got into R/C racing?

Snoop *Li-ion*.

Cation

Pronunciation : [kat-ahy-uhn,-on]

-Noun Chemistry

1.An ion with paws-tive charge.
2.The cutest ion ever.

What's the difference between a seal and a sealion?

A seal is neutral but a seal ion has a positive or negative charge

A sodium atom undergoes a vigorous reaction with flourine...

How do you feel?" Asks the fluoride ion.

"Positively shell shocked" the sodium ion replied.

What does an Australian chemist call is bro?

Bromate

Sorry, just studying my poly atomic ions and thought I was clever. I thought wrong

Science joke

An ion walks into a bar, "Just you tonight, sir?" "No, I'm waiting on one more."

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