What did the hydroxide ion say when it suddenly understood its purpose in life?

OH-

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An ion walks into a bar...

A waitress comes over and the ion orders a whiskey. Time passes and people come and go. The ion is now on his fifth drink and is becoming increasingly erratic. The waitress brings over another round, but this time the ion tries to slap her on the ass as she leaves.

That's it for you, hon,...

How can you tell a construction worker from a chemist?

You ask him to pronounce “Unionized“

I'm nervous about this whole "long distance relationship" thing my girlfriend and I are trying.

I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times. Also, the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.

Do you want to hear a chemistry joke?

You might not like it though because last time I got no reaction.

How is a hydrogen ion similar to North Korea?

They have no electrons.

An ion walks into a bar and tells the bartender “I think I dropped an electron on the way in.” The bartender asks, “are you sure?”

“I’m positive”

An crying man walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What's wrong?" The man replies "My brother was just sentenced to 5 years prison time. he was taking gold, removing all of the electrons and selling the gold ions for profit!"

The bartender replies "Damn, those are some serious charges."

What fish is made of only two sodium ions?

2 Na

:D

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Ion leaves his small eastern European village and becomes 'John' - a business man. After some time of great success he returns to his village and offers each villager $100

Ion leaves his small eastern European village and becomes 'John' - a business man. After some time of great success he returns to his village and offers each villager $100. Everyone is happy and they all praise John for being a great guy. Next year he dos the same, all villagers happy again. The thi...

What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion?

One electron.

What do British nuclear engineers eat?

Fission chips.

What do you get when you wreck a Honda Accord into a Saturn Ion?

An Accordion.

...I'll, uh, see myself out.

What happens when you rid of ions for no money

It’s free of charge

Sometimes I feel like a seal is just a neutral sea lion

Neutral

As in

Without an ion

TIFU by combining a hydroxide ion with nitric oxide

OH NO!

A positive ion stole an electron yesterday.

He got away with no charge.

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Why Don't Jews Like Ions?

They prefer their molecules free of charge.

What is the frat guy's favorite ion?

Bromide

What do you call an edible ion?

An onion

Why can't you trust a Lithium Ion battery?

Because they're always Li-ion!

What do you call an ion that also raps?

Fluoride, duh.

Looking into buying a Saturn Ion sedan..

All the reviews I have read have been positive or negative.

I dont wanna do what I did in Texas.....

Man rides up to a saloon on a beautifullly patterned Palomino stallion, ties the horse to the rail, walks inside, orders lunch and a beer. After his meal is done he gets up, pays the waitress and walks out the doors...to find his horse missing.

He sighs mournfully, removes the safety loops on...

What did the molecule say to the atom after he got in trouble?

I’ve got my ion you.

How did the particle physicist escape his laboratory unseen?

He created a diverse ion.

What's the most careful particle?

A caut ion.

Scientists have recently discovered that a pinniped’s external ear flaps carry an electric charge

If you put them on a seal, you get a seal ion.

An old professor of Particle Physics and his assistant were having beers at a pub in London when the conversation drifted to the experiments with the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva, Switzerland.

The assistant mentioned one of the wonderous things the famous particle collider can do. "The Collider can accelerate protons," the assistant began.

The professor smiled and said, "Yes, I've seen it do that, personally."

Surprised and intrigued that his mentor had worked with ...

An atom loses an electron...

It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."

I think I saw my friend with an extra electron...

...so I'm going to keep an ion him.

Two Chemists Were Talking

Chemist 1 : I'm afraid I forgot a couple polyatomic ion formulas

Chemist 2 : Which ones?

Chemist 1 : Hydroxide and Nitrate

Chemist 2 : OH NO3

What do you call an atom with a negative charge?

An ion

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john arrives in heaven

And at the entrance, St. Peter shows him a high high-rise building where they must enter.

The problem is that the building does not have an elevator so they slowly take the stairs.

On the first floor there is a corridor with doors on both sides and from all rooms there can be heard rel...

On a faraway island lived a solitary genius

On a tribal island, far far away from here, lived a man called Cong Clu. Mr. Clu was a physicist, and had lately taken a liking to particle physics.

His research, however, was disturbed quite a lot, by the strong magnetic flow from the ferrous rocks, that the island was made up of, and in the...

What do you call a Seal with an extra electron?

A Seal-ion.

What did Snoop Dogg change his name to when he got into R/C racing?

Snoop *Li-ion*.

Why did the lead acid battery have to tell the truth?

Because if it didn't it would be Li-ion.

What's the difference between a seal and a sealion?

A seal is neutral but a seal ion has a positive or negative charge

Hear are sum morre punny science jokes

How often do I tell chemistry jokes? Periodically.

Is Silicon the same in English as in Spanish? Si.

The last time I told a chemistry joke there was no reaction.

Chemistry puns Im in my element.

What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium

Ion-estly cant think of...

Cation

Pronunciation : [kat-ahy-uhn,-on]

-Noun Chemistry

1.An ion with paws-tive charge.
2.The cutest ion ever.

A sodium atom undergoes a vigorous reaction with flourine...

How do you feel?" Asks the fluoride ion.

"Positively shell shocked" the sodium ion replied.

What does an Australian chemist call is bro?

Bromate

Sorry, just studying my poly atomic ions and thought I was clever. I thought wrong

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