UPJOKE
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I just scored a 170 on an online IQ test and only had to answer three simple questions.

1.My credit card number

2.My social security number

3.Uploading a signed copy of my birth certificate

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Having a great round of golf

A man was at the country club playing his weekly round of golf. He began with an eagle and followed it with a birdie on the second hole.


On the third hole, he scored his first-ever hole-in-one, and just as he began celebrating his cell phone rang…
It was a doctor in the local ER noti...

My son scored a 90 on his IQ test.

I'm so proud of him! That's his first A-

I scored extremely well on my socialist exam last week.

I got top Marx.

Did you know there are tents surviving that Genghis Khan used to sleep in? I just scored one on eBay!

Thought you would appreciate my original Kahn tent.

I had my driving exams today and scored 9 out of 10

The last guy managed to jump out of the way

I scored a date with an energy drink.

Now I can say I went out with a Bang!

I finally scored a date with a gymnast!

We hit it off at dinner and went back to my place for drinks.

One thing led to another and before we knew it we were making out and trying to get eachother out of our clothes.

She goes into the center of the room and contorts herself into this strange shape. She beckons me over and w...

For the first time ever I scored the maximum on a test and I couldn't be happier.

The policeman with the breathalyzer seemed upset though.

I scored 47/46 for my test.

It was a chromosomes test.

What did the cheeze say when he scored in basketball ?

Swiiisssssss

What do you call 90 year old named Jeremy that's scored 3 goals?

Jerry Hat-Trick

Putin scored eight goals in that exhibition hockey game. Apparently he has an incredible slap shot...

... if you don't let him score, he slaps you and then shoots you.

Which country have scored the most world cup goals?

The mongoals.

Little Zachary was doing terribly at mathematics. He constantly scored F's, and his teachers said that he was dragging far behind his classmates.

His parents tried everything they could to help him improve. Flash cards, tutors, books, nothing seemed to work. Finally, after getting some advice from the counselor, they decided to send him to a Catholic school.

Little Zachary didn't seem to mind. So the next week, he started going to th...

A doctor changes Careers.

A Gynecologist is tired of dealing with Insurance companies and decides to become an auto mechanic. He studies hard, and for the final, he needs to diagnose and rebuild an engine. He need an 80 to pass an become a certified Mechanic.

He takes test, and waits for his score.

He g...

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Tales from the front line

Back in my Army days (mid 80s) we were on a winter training exercise with the medical battalion. Our platoon was assigned the job of being casualties for the treatment company.

They assigned us our roles told us what injuries we were supposed to have sustained then dispatched us out in the Bu...

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It is just before Scotland v England in the Euro’s Group game.

Kane goes into the English changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum.

"What's up?" he asks.

"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only Scotland. They're shite and we can't be bothered".

Kane looks at the...

The animals were bored.

Finally the lion had an idea. He tells the other animals how he's seen the humans play a game called American football. He proceeded to tell them how it's played and explained its rules. This got them excited.

They chose their teams and went out to an open field. The lion's team received, and...

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I was sitting at the bar enjoying a drink to myself When next thing the door opened and in walked the most stunning woman I've ever laid eyes on.

5'11'' tall, stunning blue eyes, silky blonde hair, an hourglass figure.

Barely covered by a tiny mini skirt and a flimsy cotton top. I could see she was not wearing a bra and her incredibly firm breasts were on show.

After watching her walk in I turned back to my beer. No sooner had...

Patrick died and went to the gates of heaven

There he saw a man with a halo sitting behind a table waiting. As he approached the Saint looked up and Patrick saw two keys hanging around his neck on a chain, the keys to the pearly gates themselves. This must be St. Peter, Patrick thought.

''Hello Patrick. I just have to check through you...

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Japanese Golfer Joke

An American man went on a business trip to Japan. On the night before his last day, he hired a prostitute. All through the night, the woman was screaming and shouting with excitement. The next day, he played golf with a friend who spoke Japanese as a second language. He decided to try some Japanese ...

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