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[NSFW] A young woman seduces and marries a 90 year old rich man in hopes of quickly inheriting his wealth...

She’s convinced he won’t even survive their wedding night so she takes care to find the sexiest negligee and high heels certain to give him a heart attack on sight. That night after the wedding she finishes getting ready in the bathroom and she seductively saunters out to the bedroom expecting to ma...

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I think my step-mom is trying to seduce me.

I mean, she always eyes me at family dinners. Though I do sit next to my father so I can't be too sure. One day though, when my father and she fought, she slept in my bedroom, even when we have a guest room. But then again, maybe she was just looking for some company.

She also didn't like my ...

Thor was viewing the earth, when he saw a beautiful milkmaid. He transformed to human form, descended to earth - and seduced her.

They made love for 3 days and 3 nights, then one morning Thor was stood with his back to her, shuttered sunlight streaming through his golden hair and across his massive frame - the very image of godlike perfection. And he spoke.

“Darling, I must away from this place” he turned round for dram...

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My wife and I often role play. It always ends up with me playing the sexy guy driving the Uber that she seduces. Until I got her pregnant...

Now I just get to role play as the Door Dash guy..

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My wife suspected I was cheating, so to catch me she hired a prostitute to flash her breasts and try to seduce me.

I didn't fall for that shit... I can spot a booby trap a mile away.

Should I ever encounter a black widow with the opportunity to seduce and betray her, my final words to her would be

“For all the men that came before me”

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A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery.

He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens t...

How do you seduce a farm girl?

A tractor.

Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?

Because cubes are platonic solids.

How does garlic seduce each other?

They take off their cloves

How do you seduce a redneck girl?

Tell her you're a relative.

How did the Egyptian Queen seduce the sun god?

She showed him her Nefertitis.

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A man was stranded in the desert with his camel......

A man was stranded in the desert with his camel. One day while hopelessly walking through the sand, he found a supply bag full of water and food. He was good for days with these supplies, so he began his journey to find civilization again.

One day he was overcome by the urge to have sex. He ...

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I was seduced by my English teacher

She made me have sex with her

Did you notice the above sentence didn’t end with a period?

Yeah... the teacher is due next month.

If you were trying to seduce a squirrel

You'd have to be pretty nuts

what do you call someone who seduces your throat?

A necromancer.

An elderly Catholic school teacher was seduced by the priest.

As she got out of his bed and began to get dressed, she said, "I can't face the children next week and tell them to be good, when I'm nothing but a regular sinner!"

"Regular sinner? Sister Catherine, you've only done it once!" said the priest.

"True," she replied, "but we still have th...

What kind of mage uses pastries to seduce people?

A pie romancer

Being seduced by the younger sister

So apparently this guy was engaged to a beautiful woman. He got along well with her family but he could not deny that her younger sister was drop-dead gorgeous and he felt a strong attraction to her. A week before the wedding, he gets a mysterious phone call from the sister asking him to come over...

How do you seduce a female programmer?

1: Be proficient in Python

2: Have a big python

A woman could seduce a man simply by laughing delightedly at everything he says.

As long as she stops laughing when he takes his pants off.

Care to seduce a large woman?

Piece of cake.

I tried to seduce my Eskimo friend

She wasn't very Inuit.

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A dentist is terrified of women

A dentist's father raised his son alone since his wife had cheated on him. He always told his son to avoid women like the plague.

One day, a beautiful woman is shown in to the dentist's exam room. She is quite flirtatious with the dentist and makes no secret of the fact that she's interested....

After seducing a woman, a man goes home with a confident stride. But what if he had seduced a man instead?

Then he would go home with a confident gait.

A lunatic seduced the laundry woman ...

A lunatic seduced the laundry woman to get her keys, and promptly escaped from the asylum.

Next day, the headlines read *Nut Screws Washer and Bolts!*

How do you seduce a necrophiliac?

I'm dying to figure it out.

A man wrote a poem about a calendar to seduce a girl.

He was later charged with date rap.

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There was once a man with only one testicle...

He had suffered from monorchism since birth, and throughout his childhood he was bullied because of it.

He had been called all sorts of names - but none stuck with him as much as 'One-Stone'. He couldn't leave the house without someone shouting it at him.

Eventually, One-Stone became s...

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My hot mother-in-law seduced me.

I was dropping off something for my wife when she called me upstairs and started touching my chest. My father-in-law was not home, apparently. She told me that she'd always thought I was cute as she started caressing her own body, trying to seduce me.

She told me I had two options.

1. ...

There once was a lady named Dee.

She lived a very eventful life and was well-known around her little town. She was specifically known for being very overly kind and welcoming to strangers. Some thought of her as just another sweet old lady, some called her nuts, but only a few knew about her past.
In her younger days, she slept ...

I went to a confession booth to confess my sins

Forgive me father for I have sinned, i have committed all 7 deadly sins in less than an hour.

Priest: Please elaborate.

Me: I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate both of their dinners and didn't share any.

Priest: that's only 6, you forgot p...

There once was a very honest man...

He was the most honest man around.

Or so he thought.

One day, he was seduced. It was the most beautiful woman ever.

But there's a problem:

He was married.

Being so honest, and to save face, he decided to tell his wife the truth.

So he waited in his home for ...

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A jungle explorer is captured by natives

and is brought before the tribal chief.

"Trespassing in our jungle is punishable by death." says the the chief, "We can kill you right now quickly and painlessly, or you can try and survive a test of courage and win your freedom."

"What's the test of courage?" Asks the explorer.
...

Playing D&D with the kids... (Long)

Kids need a 4th party member, no one around, I should join. Roll a all charisma character.

...

DM: City guard catches you stealing, what do you do?

The rest of the party panics.

Me: Is the head guard a woman?

DM: Yes.

Me: I will seduce her and ask her not to...

I don't always seduce hispanic Star Trek fans...

but when I do, I prefer dos Trekkies

Three friends go on a skiing trip.

Three friends go on a skiing trip, but they need to save money so they rent a cabin with only one bed that’s big enough for all three of them.

After the first night the guy on the left says he had the most amazing dream. A busty blonde seduced him and gave him an amazing handjob.

The...

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Picture the scene, it is 1915 and the Great War is raging in Europe.

The war brought forward many brave fighting units and among those there were none so brave as the aviators of the French Flying Corps. Every weekend these modern day gladiators would fly to Paris and install themselves in the Grand Hotel. The locals, particularly the young ladies, would be desperate...

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Pierre the French Aviator

Pierre the French Aviator was dashingly handsome and quite the ladies man. He went out one night and met a beautiful lady and seduced her. They went back to his place where things started to progress...

*"Oh Pierre! Pierre? Won't you kiss me?"* asked the woman.

(In thick French accent)...

A guy decides to wander the desert for 2 weeks with only supplies and a camel.

After a week though, he starts thinking about women and gets aroused. Considering he’s a week into his solemn stroll, he tries to think of a solution to fulfill his needs. The only solution he could think of was the camel.

He pulls down his pants and begins to try to ... seduce ... the camel...

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The Newly Weds

After the ceremony, a newly wed couple celebrated their marriage at the brides father's ranch.

The groom, having traveled a lot during their relationship, didn't have a chance to acquaint himself to anyone but the brides mother and father.

During the dinner, he finally got to meet most...

Woman: How old would you say I am?

Woman: How old would you say I am?
Man: Hmmm... Judging by your eyes, I'd say 25, your skin, 20, and your body, 18.
Woman: Wow. You really know how to seduce a ...
Man: (interrupting) Hold on a sec while I add up these numbers.

One wish

Paul is walking on the beach when he founds a metal lamp, he starts to clean it and a Genie appears
- Finally, - says the Genie - 300 years waiting!, Ok human, I can grant you one wish, ask whatever you want, but be aware that my power is limited.
- Ok, let me think for a moment and... Hey! Wh...

Twice

A sweet young school teacher who had always been virtuous was invited to go for a ride in the country with the gym instructor, whom she admired.

Under a tree, on the bank of a quiet lake, she struggled with her conscience and with the gym instructor and finally gave in to the latter.

S...

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A cougar is at the grocery store.

She fills her cart with all the items on her list and gets to the cashier. While her groceries were being rung up, she happened to glance over and notice the young strapping 17-year old high school boy carry out that was bagging her groceries. She was quite taken by his good looks and build so she t...

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A man walks into a bar...

...and sees a sign saying 'Complete 3 tasks and win £500'. He asks the barman about it and he says "See that big bloke in the corner with the bald head, first off you've gotta knock him out".

He doesn't look keen on the idea but asks what the second task is anyway. "I've got an angry rottweil...

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an American

were arguing about the nationality of Adam and Eve.

"They must have been English,' declares the Englishman. 'Only a gentleman would share his last apple with a woman.'

'They were undoubtedly French,' says the Frenchman. 'Who else could seduce a woman so easily?'

'I think they we...

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onion girl

A young woman has a vagina that smells terribly like onion. This makes her sentimal life very hard as she is too ashamed to start a relationship.

One night at a club, she overhears a conversation: a cute guy tells some friends he had an accident, and cannot smell anything anymore. The young ...

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10 men are about to become priests

10 men went to learn the way of priesthood. They have passed all tests and are going to go through the rite or ordination.

But before, they must pass a last test is to see if they are truly ready to serve the Lord.

All 10 are made to sit in line, naked, with a small bell tied to their ...

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