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Field Goal Jokes

My dog does back-flips when the Raiders kick a field goal.......

my buddy asked me what he does when they score a touch-down and I told him I didn't know, I've only had him for 6 years.

Rumor has it that distraught Chicago Bear's field goal kicker Cody Parker tried to end his life recently.

The bullet went wide right.

A guy walks into a bar wearing a Browns jersey and carrying a cat that also has a Browns jersey on with a little Browns helmet on his head, too.

The guy says to the bartender, "Can my cat and I watch the Browns game here?
My TV at home is broke, and my cat and I always watch the game together."

The bartender replies, "Normally, cats wouldn't be allowed in the bar, but
it's not very busy in here right now, so you and the cat can ...

Texans fan

A guy goes into a Houston bar with a Dachshund under his arm. The dog is decked out in a Texans jersey and helmet and is festooned with Texans pompoms.

The bartender says, "Hey! No pets allowed in here!"
The guy begs him, "Please we're both big Texans fans and the TV at my house is broken....

A Jets fan walks into a bar with his dog.

The bartender says, "Hey bud, no pets allowed in here."

The man says, "But wait! This is a special dog, you have to turn on the game to see. When the Jets score, my dog does flips!"

Sure enough, when the bartender turns on the game, the Jets make a few field goals and the dog starts fl...

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An old married couple is lying in bed when...

the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'
His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and sa...

Smell

It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge. The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls, and they were now trailing the visitors by a touch-down and a field goal. When the official called yet another close one in the visitors' favor, the home quarterback bl...

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Fart football!

So a husband lays down next to his wife for sleep. She turns over and *FLEERP*[fart noise] the husband jumps from being startled and exclaims "what the hell was that?!" the wife shoots back, " touchdown and an extra point! 7 points!"
The husband not to be out done, leans over and *FWAAERP* "touc...

An old couple was lying in bed.

The husband let out a resounding fart and said, "Touchdown. Seven points.".

Immediately his wife ripped her own and went, "Touchdown. 7-7!"

The husband responded with another colder and said, "14-7 my game."

Just then the wife came back with another fart and declared, "14-14. I'...

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A older married couple were laying in bed one night....

reading a book before bed. The husband lets out a huge fart and says "Touch down"! His wife was disgusted at first but suddenly lets out a fart and says "Touchdown...Tie game". Not to be out done, the husband tries to fart again but only let out a tiny little toot...."field goal! 3 points"! The wife...

The Lion and the Elephant

Everybody knows that the lion is the king of the jungle. Always has been, and for generations it seemed like he always would be. One afternoon, however, after a particularly poorly received watering hole decision, the elephant had had enough.

“Lion,” he said, “I’ve been your major domo for a...

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Another Football joke

A man-a staunch Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan- goes to a sports bar in Tampa to watch his favorite team play, and brings his dog with him. As usual, the Bucs get slaughtered, while the other team racks up score after score. Finally , late in the game, the Bucs score a field goal. The dog jumps so high it...

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A Christian, a Muslim and a Jew are watching the Super Bowl.

Sitting directly behind one of the field goals, they've had the best seats in the house to a terrific contest.



With only one second left on the clock, a kicker runs up to potentially seal victory.



He kicks the ball hard and true, and it sails right between the posts, an...

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An old couple were lying in bed...

...getting ready to go to sleep. All of a sudden the man lets out a huge fart, and says "I'm winning!"

His wife says "what are you talking about?" He tells her, "It's a game. Fart football. I just scored a touchdown. I'm winning!"

Not to be outdone, the lady lets out a cheek-ripper her...

Two duck hunters on the Rio Grande...

one, a texan on the us side of the river and the other, a mexican on the other. a duck flies over, both shoot, the duck falls and lands on sandbar in the middle of the river. both men claim to have shot the duck, so the texan offers a solution. "lets start kickin' each other in the nuts till one of ...

My Uncle

My uncle is a southern farmer. One day he witnessed another man dove hunting close to his property line. The man shoots a bird that falls on my uncle’s property line, which my uncle promptly goes to pick up.

The man tries to plea with my uncle but he’s not having it. The dead bird is on his p...

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An old married couple were laying in bed one night...

An old married couple were in bed one night, about to go to sleep. All of a sudden the old man passes gas, loudly. The wife, annoyed, says "what on earth was that?!"

The old man thinks for a second, then says "Fart Football. 7-nothing!" The wife grumbles and they both go back to falling aslee...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Pittsburgh Man, Idaho Falls Man, and a Cleveland Man walk into a bar...

An Idaho Falls man, a Pittsburgh man, and a Cleveland man walk into a bar.

An atheist bartender asks the Idado Falls man what he's drinking.

"Water. The Idaho Falls man replies. "My God doesn't allow us to drink harmful substances."

The bartender replies, "God doesn't exist, b...

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