Debt Jokes

Owen

I’m so excited I can barely put on my ski mask.

These are the darkest days of my life...

After all, we pulled ourselves up by your bootstraps.

They really deserve a lot of credit

I thought, “Why yes, it is pretty fantastic!”

...You are not a loan!"

When you're selling a bachelor degree in sophistry.

Despite not having insurance, he left the hospital without any financially crippling debt that would haunt him for the rest of his life and compromise his future savings.

Just exactly which planet do we owe it to?

But now I'm laughing all the way to the bank.

He caught COVID-19, has massive debt, is about to be evicted from his house and is going to lose his job

...and asks for a short-term $10,000 loan. Banker asks her for collateral, and she hands him the keys to her Mercedes. She says she's going on a vacation, and will return the following week to repay the debt and retrieve her car.

Week later, she picks up the vehicle and pays back the loan, pl... read more

His deer rear career is in arrears

Honored to be a part of something so huge!

One day, Germany couldn't afford to pay the weekly payment to France. So France gathered a band of soldiers and rode into a small town in Rhineland on trucks, hoping to find anything valuable as reparation. After inspecting the town for a brief moment, they took its tram tracks and street lamps back... read more

They're always in arrears.

Every single one of them is Outstanding!

If you can't budge it.

That’s the one thing I’m given credit for

I said "Damn only 3 students owe money"

£2,000

It's best to avoid both in your twenties

Leaving your children alone

Because a lot of rich people are trading you around and a few insiders have told me you're completely toxic.

They demand credit for everything

Bachelorhood.

To celebrate, I decided to go to a concert. It was Post Malone.

I don't know why, I sent them a cheque.

Bond. James' Bond.

President Obama has a meeting with Xi Jinping to discuss the debt the US owes to China. He arrives at the Chinese presidential mansion with Joe Biden, but they find there is work going on in the garden and lots of mud everywhere. So they have to roll up their trouser legs and step carefully to enter... read more

"Is there a doctor in the building?!"

He strides to the back where he sees the manager and a patron who looks pale and shaky.

"We've just had two people come down with some kind of sickness," the manager says, "the lady here, and another gentleman in the bathroom."

"How do you ... read more

Forever alone.

From now on, the Island will be known as Puerto Pobre.

Luckily I'm a statistician.

But, joke is on them! My bank just notified me that I have "Outstanding Balance".

In debt, the b is silent.

Interviewer: Congratulations on your win! If you don't mind me asking, how will you spend you $1 million winnings?

Poker player: I owe some people some money so I will be paying my debt to these guys.

Interviewer: and what about the rest?

Poker player: Well... I guess they'll ha... read more

They always use needles in torturing their unfortunate debtors, so that they inflict a lot of pain without killing the debtors.

Because of this, all the debtors to this mafia repay their debts on time.

And there are fewer pointless deaths.

My friend Bob won a million dollars the other day so I asked him what will he do with his winnings?

Bob said "Probably pay off my credit card debt".

I said what about the rest of it?

Bob says "well I suppose it'll get paid off eventually".

28.7 trillion dollars in debt

Because interest in the Bond is so low.

Probably because I didn’t go to college.

To put that in perspective, if you were to lay out 22 trillion dollar bills in a line, you would be beaten and robbed in about 6 minutes.

Either way the robbery goes out.

I am forever in your debt.

I got a letter from a debt collector saying ‘outstanding payment’