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How the Germans bailed out Greece

It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted.

​

Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

​

On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, ...

Germany owed a massive debt to France after the treaty of Versailles

One day, Germany couldn't afford to pay the weekly payment to France. So France gathered a band of soldiers and rode into a small town in Rhineland on trucks, hoping to find anything valuable as reparation. After inspecting the town for a brief moment, they took its tram tracks and street lamps back...

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I like my women like I like my credit card debt.

Always there, gaining interest, and constantly fucking me.

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I just got my ass kicked by a British debt collector

Pound for pound, not very pleasant.

What's the opposite of debt?

Bachelorhood.

Kingdom A was in big debt to Kingdom B.

Kingdom B requested that Kingdom A repay their debt by sending them a large amount of knights. Kingdom A frantically recruited knights and just barely supplied the demand. They were left with only Sir Plus.

Good ol'e USA

18: can I buy a bottle of wine?

USA: no that's illegal & irresponsible

18: can I go $50,000 into debt for education?

USA: we encourage it

I would make a joke about greece's debt but...

I dont think it'll pay off.

Did you know that the United States is about $22 trillion in debt?

To put that in perspective, if you were to lay out 22 trillion dollar bills in a line, you would be beaten and robbed in about 6 minutes.

Why can't proctologists get out of debt?

They're always in arrears.

[OC] You millennials are always complaining that we ran up trillions of dollars of debt for you. Why can't you just pull yourselves up by your bootstraps?

After all, we pulled ourselves up by your bootstraps.

I read the news and it says that the student debt of the US has surpassed $1.8 trillion

I said "Damn only 3 students owe money"

How do you pay off a ton of debt in London?

£2,000

I finally paid off my student debt.

To celebrate, I decided to go to a concert. It was Post Malone.

I’m in so much debt, I can’t afford to pay my electric bill.

These are the darkest days of my life.

A poker player wins one million dollars first price in a tournament

Interviewer: Congratulations on your win! If you don't mind me asking, how will you spend you $1 million winnings?

Poker player: I owe some people some money so I will be paying my debt to these guys.

Interviewer: and what about the rest?

Poker player: Well... I guess they'll ha...

I’m broke, sad and a disappointment to my parents. But at least I’m not in debt

That’s the one thing I’m given credit for

Having Children is like having debt

It's best to avoid both in your twenties

Girl, are you a Collateralized Debt Obligation?

Because a lot of rich people are trading you around and a few insiders have told me you're completely toxic.

I got a letter from the bank saying I was still in debt.

I don't know why, I sent them a cheque.

I was feeling a little down, so I told my dad, “Dad, I feel worthless.”

Dad: Don’t forget that you have thousands of dollars of student debt. So technically you’re less than worthless.

What do you call a spy in debt?

Bond. James' Bond.

President Obama has a meeting with the President of China to discuss debt...

President Obama has a meeting with Xi Jinping to discuss the debt the US owes to China. He arrives at the Chinese presidential mansion with Joe Biden, but they find there is work going on in the garden and lots of mud everywhere. So they have to roll up their trouser legs and step carefully to enter...

Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college.

I am forever in your debt.

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A boy asks his father, "Dad, what's the difference between potential and realistic?"

A boy asks his father, "Dad, what's the difference between potential and realistic?"

The father says, "Well, son, it's easier for me to show you with an example. Why don't you ask your brother, your sister and your mom the same question, and then come back with what you've learned."

"O...

What do you call a guy who's always in debt?

Owen.

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The best jokes are the ones that get you at the end.

One day, Ishmahel, a 40+ year old jew went to the synagogue for the first time in years.
He sat down with a huge frown on his face and quietly stared praying;
“Oh Lord, I know I haven’t always been the best man I could be, but I also haven’t been the worst... I’m in some really deep shit, I ow...

Why are the Greeks so in debt?

They demand credit for everything

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An old man goes to the IRS.

An old man goes to the IRS building to settle his debts, on entering an agent mocked the old man for his age. Out of spite, the old man bet the agent $2000 that he could bite his eye.

The agent took him up, and to his surprise the old man laughs and takes out his glass eye, then bites it.
...

Last week, Puerto Rico's Governor said that they couldn't pay their debt.

From now on, the Island will be known as Puerto Pobre.

An eccentric billionaire's beloved pet hog was very ill...

...and his private vet was away so he had to find a last minute specialist. Vets from around the world sent word that they would come to his aid right away, jumping at the chance to look at the animal, thereby winning the rich old man's admiration and the huge bill that would come from top notch car...

i had it all

I talked with a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way. 


He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed.


I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym an...

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John, who was in financial difficulty, walked into a church and started to pray.

''Listen God,'' John said. ''I know I haven't been perfect but I really need to win the lottery. I don't have a lot of money. Please help me out.'' He left the church, a week went by, and he hadn't won the lottery, so he walked into a synagogue. ''Come on, God,'' he said. ''I really need this money....

Happy to announce that I’m no longer broke!

I’m beyond that point and am now drowning in debt.

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The targeted junk email I get seems to be aimed at the wrong guy..

They really need to update their database, they seem to all think I want to own a rolex, am desperately single enough to want a Russian Bride, have a really small penis, mounting debt, and should refinance my home.

Crazy right?

I don't own a home!

A boy gets his first job while in high school...

...as a repossessor.

​

He is enjoying feeling responsible and is pleased that he is in the workforce, however his mother isn't very happy with his job choice.

​

"I wish you would find a different job," his mother kept telling him. "I feel awful for a...

I'm going through a divorce at the moment, and my soon to be ex-wife said she is going to make sure my bank balance is going to be $0.

That's nice of her, paying off all my debt.

A man and a genie

A man is walking on a sandy beach in Southern California, and what appears to be a very old bottle washes up on the shores.

The genie expressed gratitude for the man freeing him from the bottle.

The genie says "I am in your debt, but I can only grant you one wish."

The man says ...

A moral businessman always pays his tithe

A young man becomes a successful businessman very early on in life. Being a faithful member of the church he always pays his tithe for years and years.

He later falls upon hard times and so he talks to his banker. His banker lets him know that things are worse than the man had realized, he co...

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A man got divorced and goes to a swamp to drown himself.

When he’s about to jump, a frog appears and says “Hey, what’s wrong?”
Man tells the frog that his wife left him and took the kids and he wants to kill himself. “Don’t worry, go home and everything will be fine” frog answers. Man comes home to see that his wife and family is back and everything i...

I hate people who can’t let go of the past

Debt collectors are the worst

A CEO was asked to give money to a charity

A worker at a charity organization went to a CEO's office to ask for a donation.

He Said: "Sir I don't mean to bother you, but I've noticed that you haven't given any money to our charity, you seem pretty well off and we were wondering if you would be willing to donate."

The CEO said: ...

I was told to dress as the scariest thing possible for the Halloween party...

How do I dress as my student debt?

Always be careful when renovating bathrooms

It’s all going well until the bank calls you talking about how urine debt

I was robbed by a capsized pirate today.

He said he couldn’t feed his kids nor pay his debts and was underwater.

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Let me tell you a story of a guy named Juan.

Juan was the custodian at a local grade school. Everyone loved Juan. He was so sweet and compassionate with the kids and did a wonderful job. One day the principal came up to Juan and said:

"You know Juan, you care about this school so much, maybe you should run for the board of education"...

What do you call an actor that spent all his money on condoms?

Johnny Debt.

Which Game of Thrones house does House Trump most resemble?

Definitely not House Lannister, because they always pay their debts.

I have to go talk to the bank today.

If everything goes well, I will finally be out of debt. I'm so excited, I can barely get my ski mask on!

So I started a new band.

We scream aggressively about how broke we are to heavy guitar riffs.

We're called Debt Metal.

Alanis sets out to Vegas on her annual gambling trip.

On arrival, she heads straight to her usual Blackjack table, where she's greeted by the croupier, "Welcome back Mrs. Terr. The usual loan, I assume?"

She nods and he hands her $10,000 in chips.

After an hour, she's down to $20.

The croupier asks, "Same again, Mrs. Terr?", she n...

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America is basically Trump's fourth wife.

He gave us his name, fucked us, and all we'll have to show for it is a long, drawn-out court procedure and a bunch of unnecessary debt.

An advertising executive is about to jump off a bridge.

A policeman approaches him and says "Sir, don't do it!"

Then the adman starts explaining his reasons for the decision - bad economy, depressing surroundings, debts, etc.

After hearing that, the cop jumps with him.

Donald Trump must be irish....

Because when he's president the national debt is Dublin


I'll show myself out

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Not Just A Nymph...But A Nympho [OC] (hopefully)

There's a poor farm family, Father, Mother and three sons. They make a very difficult living on a rocky farm, barely growing enough to survive. It's a hard life, teetering on the edge of disaster.

They have a cow, and it makes all the difference. She's a great producer of milk, and they are...

My new bank is very uplifting...

I’m $1,000 in debt, but they said my balance is *outstanding*!

Cow for sale

An old farmer in serious financial trouble put an ad selling a cow for $500.

Another farmer went to see it and they agreed to deliver the cow the next day, paying in advance.

However, the next day the buyer came and old farmer said:

I'm sorry, but I have some bad news. The cow d...

So my crush wants a guy with a phd

And apparently that doesn't mean pretty huge debt

This guy was down on his luck...

He lost his job and was really in debt, so he decided to end it all. He went to a bridge outside town and was ready to jump, when out of the gathering fog he saw a figure coming slowly toward him. It was the ugliest woman he’d ever seen and she was wearing a conical hat.

“Who the hell are yo...

A moth goes into a dentists office at 11 PM

He goes to the lady behind the counter and says "i just won a million dollars in the lottery. So i bought my parents a mansion. As soon as i did the mansion burnt down, killing both of my parents and then i got hit by a car breaking my arm. I've never been more depressed or in debt in my life."
<...

What doesn't kill you

cripples you with medical debt.

What’s the difference between a high school graduate and a college dropout?

Debt.

Someone told me that I have 'Millennial humor'

It's comments like those that make me want to shoot myself and then go into debt.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

John owned the local florist shop.

The shop had been in his family for five generations -- and he loved his work. He was a part of people’s lives, from their first prom, to valentines gifts, birthdays, weddings, and even funerals -- he loved his work, and the town loved him. Life for him, his wife Susan, his mom Louis, and their thre...

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