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Debt Jokes

I really admire people who keep going despite being in a lot of debt

They really deserve a lot of credit

What do you call a man who is in debt?

Owen

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Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit.

A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel, and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night.

As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. The bu...

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A snobby young couple was walking through Central Park, discussing their massive credit card and mortgage debt.

As they worried about how to continue their rich lifestyle, a grubby homeless guy appears from behind a bush. He says, “Pssst! hey! I’ll give you a thousand bucks if you let me lick your wife’s boobs.”

The couple were appalled and hurry away. After a few seconds, the wife whispers, “You kn...

I need everyone to wish me luck. I have a meeting at the bank later and if all goes well, I will be out of debt.

I’m so excited I can barely put on my ski mask.

Lots of people thought I was a fool for going into debt because I overspent on therapy sessions.

But now I'm laughing all the way to the bank.

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A gorilla walks into a bar

He sits down on a bar stool and orders himself a gin-tonic. The bartender looks on in total surprise and gives him a gin-tonic. The gorilla drinks his glass completely empty and asks how much to pay. The bartender, still amazed, curious about what will happen next asks him for $20. The gorilla grope...

Due to the size of my student loans for my phd I have debts no honest man could pay....

Luckily I'm a statistician.

I received a letter stating I have outstanding debt.

I thought, “Why yes, it is pretty fantastic!”

People say I'm just an old drunk who can't stand up straight, let alone pay my debts.

But, joke is on them! My bank just notified me that I have "Outstanding Balance".

When is it legal to trick people to go into massive debt to pay for a useless thing with no refund?

When you're selling a bachelor degree in sophistry.

A man was driving on the highway in the US when suddenly he was hit by a drunk driver, breaking his right arm, puncturing his lung, and putting him into a short coma

Despite not having insurance, he left the hospital without any financially crippling debt that would haunt him for the rest of his life and compromise his future savings.

Bernie Sanders: "If you are a student in debt...

...You are not a loan!"

I have the best debts in the world!

Every single one of them is Outstanding!

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an elephant is walking through the jungle when he realizes he's stuck in quicksand and sinking

He reaches out with his trunk and grabs a branch. He attempts to haul himself in but the branch brakes and he begins sinking even quicker. The elephant begins yelling for help and a Mouse runs up
"What's wrong Mr elephant?" said the mouse
" I am stuck in quicksand and sinking to my Doom.pleas...

I‘m so good with managing money

I got a letter from a debt collector saying ‘outstanding payment’

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Mary comes home to tell her father she is a prostitute

A staunch catholic - he is outraged.

Father: "How can you do this to your mother and I! After how we raised you, took you to chapel and taught you to live by the ways of the Lord! What in heavens name will the rest of the family think of you? Think of us!?

No, I won't have it, you'l...

[OC] You millennials are always complaining that we ran up trillions of dollars of debt for you. Why can't you just pull yourselves up by your bootstraps?

After all, we pulled ourselves up by your bootstraps.

I'm so much in debt, I can't afford to pay my electric bill...

These are the darkest days of my life...

The World is $7 trillion in debt....

Just exactly which planet do we owe it to?

I’m doing pretty well financially these days.

My bank just said my debt is outstanding!

What do you call a heavy metal band With financial problems?

Megadebt

Did you hear what happened to the big game taxidermist who fell behind on his debt?

His deer rear career is in arrears

Winning the lottery.

My friend Bob won a million dollars the other day so I asked him what will he do with his winnings?

Bob said "Probably pay off my credit card debt".

I said what about the rest of it?

Bob says "well I suppose it'll get paid off eventually".

Today the student debt crisis reached $1,696,047,300,123

Honored to be a part of something so huge!

A friend of mine planned a trip to America and walked into a bar

They are now facing crippling debt from the ambulance ride and stitches

What do you call a broke pirate?

Johnny Debt

If this year has taught us anything, it’s that Donald Trump is a regular American citizen

He caught COVID-19, has massive debt, is about to be evicted from his house and is going to lose his job

Music history nerds- What do Wagner’s musical works and his debts have in common?

They both never resolve.




Yes I know this is bad but we’re studying Wagner and the class/professor appreciated it. Carry on with your day.

If I had a nickel for every time I was called hot, I would be the U.S.A

28.7 trillion dollars in debt

The Emperor's new bank account

A well dressed man walks into a bank of a famously known gambler.

The man asks the gambler, would you be interested in a different type of wager?

If you guess the range of all my assets within 1 billion dollars, I will give you a billion, but you have to give me 1 dollar for every do...

Whats the worst part of dying in debt?

Leaving your children alone

Germany owed a massive debt to France after the treaty of Versailles

One day, Germany couldn't afford to pay the weekly payment to France. So France gathered a band of soldiers and rode into a small town in Rhineland on trucks, hoping to find anything valuable as reparation. After inspecting the town for a brief moment, they took its tram tracks and street lamps back...

You don't need to worry about your debts or funds for the next 15 years when you rob a bank.

Either way the robbery goes out.

A doctor is eating a late lunch at his favorite Chinese restaurant when he hears the dreaded words:

"Is there a doctor in the building?!"

He strides to the back where he sees the manager and a patron who looks pale and shaky.

"We've just had two people come down with some kind of sickness," the manager says, "the lady here, and another gentleman in the bathroom."

"How do you ...

Your debt will always stay with you...

If you can't budge it.

Don't walk into debt

Buy a car and drive into it.

I read the news and it says that the student debt of the US has surpassed $1.8 trillion

I said "Damn only 3 students owe money"

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I just got my ass kicked by a British debt collector

Pound for pound, not very pleasant.

I’m broke, sad and a disappointment to my parents. But at least I’m not in debt

That’s the one thing I’m given credit for

I finally paid off my student debt.

To celebrate, I decided to go to a concert. It was Post Malone.

Why can't proctologists get out of debt?

They're always in arrears.

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A dog walks into a bank with his lawyer for making deposit of 1M$ cash money

The teller of the bank brings dog to bank president because of so much money.

The bank president says for dog and lawyer come into his office and close the door. He makes question to the dog, "How do you come by having so much moneys?"

The dog replies, "ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF G...

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Cows and ideologies (long)

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots...

I once dated someone who was $500,000 in debt.

It was outstanding to say the least.

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The Helpful Friends

Back in their playing days, Mickey Mantle and Billy Martin were good friends and would do things together on off days. One thing they enjoyed doing together was going hunting. However on a day they were to go hunting, one of Mickey's friends, a local farmer, asked if Mick could do him a favor. The f...

How do you pay off a ton of debt in London?

£2,000

Having Children is like having debt

It's best to avoid both in your twenties

I got a letter from the bank saying I was still in debt.

I don't know why, I sent them a cheque.

Girl, are you a Collateralized Debt Obligation?

Because a lot of rich people are trading you around and a few insiders have told me you're completely toxic.

Why are the Greeks so in debt?

They demand credit for everything

Instead of buying twitter for $43 billion

Elon Musk could add another $8 billion and clear the external debt of Sri Lanka.
He can rename it Ceylon Musk.

A blind man owes money from his friend

A blind man owes money to his friend and said to him, when I see you next time I will pay my debt back to you.

People always get mad when someone thanks god instead of the doctor, after the doctor saves their life in some complicated procedure...

But if I knew I was going to have 10 years of medical debt, I wouldn't thank the person that saved me either.

What do you call a spy in debt?

Bond. James' Bond.

President Obama has a meeting with the President of China to discuss debt...

President Obama has a meeting with Xi Jinping to discuss the debt the US owes to China. He arrives at the Chinese presidential mansion with Joe Biden, but they find there is work going on in the garden and lots of mud everywhere. So they have to roll up their trouser legs and step carefully to enter...

What's the opposite of debt?

Bachelorhood.

Why did the producers of 007 films use government debt to fund their newest film?

Because interest in the Bond is so low.

Last week, Puerto Rico's Governor said that they couldn't pay their debt.

From now on, the Island will be known as Puerto Pobre.

I’ve had all my wealth , my reputation and my true passion stolen from me.

I’m now debt free, reasonably well respected and very short on stamps.

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The leaders of the free world gather to discuss the problems of a struggling nation

The French start: "The Age of Enlightenment started here. We'll help spread progressive ideas."

The Germans follow: "We have a very stable economy, we'll help lower national debt."

The Japanese join in: "Our scientist are the best in the world. We pledge to help battle the spreading di...

Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college.

I am forever in your debt.

Today I gave a homeless man everything I had, my identity, wallet, car, house, even my wedding ring. We basically switched places.

You can't imagine how good it felt to be free of debt for the first time.

Once upon a time, there was a triangular lake.

On each side of this lake there was a kingdom. Kingdom 1 was rich and proud. They showed off their wealth at every corner. Kingdom two was wealthy as well, but was humble about it. Kingdom 3 was in great debt, and was struggling to keep their citizens alive.

One day, the kingdoms started a wa...

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A millennial walks into a bank

"I'd like to go $200,000 into debt please."

Banker: "What for?"

M: "Student loans."

B: "Great! Sign right here please."

M: "Nice. Can I also get a mortgage?"

B: "Absolutely the fuck not!"

A father and his son were standing the the farm, looking out into the fields

"One day, this will all be yours" the father said.

Next day the father died of natural causes and the ownership of the farm was transfered to the son.
24 hours later the bank came and took over, due to the fathers very high debt.

"I guess my father wasn't lying when he said this wou...

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The word bukkake in Japanese means;

Female student debt relief.

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