Why can’t you breed a eel with and eagle?

It’s Eeleagle

If the eagle is the bird of war and the dove is the bird of Love ! What is the bird of true love ?

The Swallow!

What do you call an eagle which is sick?

illegal

Why couldn't the eagle fly out of the country?

Because it was an ill eagle.

The eagle was a bird of many skills.

One could say he was very talon-ted.

I saw a meerkat save its nephew from an eagle's clutches at the very last second.

It was a meer-uncle.

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Little Billy was excited to get his Eagle badge but had to pass a final test

Billy and his mates are on a camping trip, when the troop leader said "I have one final test for you, Billy," as he pointed towards a tree. "I need you to identify the front of this tree."

Little Billy walks around the tree, studying it, the troop leader is stumped as Billy proclaims, "obviou...

Healthy eagles come from America.

Ill eagles come from Mexico.

What did Doug Pederson tell the Eagles about the tough matchup with the Saints?

Don’t expect tomorrow to be a breeze.

Why would America choose the bold eagle as their national bird when all they do is attack things and fly away?

Oh, right...

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Bob was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang...

It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in an accident and was in critical condition and in ICU.
The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible.

As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best...

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How does the world's oldest Eagle scout pitch a tent?

Viagra

I have the heart of a lion, and the eyes of an eagle.

Also a lifetime ban from the zoo.

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A man is caught feasting on a Bald Eagle by a park ranger.

He is taken to court and the judge asks him why he committed this crime.

The man replies “ I had no other choice and this was my only way of survival.”

Given the circumstances, the judge decides that this man is telling the truth and let’s him off the case. But being curious, the judg...

Pony and Eagle walked up to Coyote

Pony tells Coyote: "I am very mad at Eagle. Will you yell at him for me?"

Coyote: "Why can't you yell at him yourself?"

Pony replies: "Because I'm a little horse."

What do you call a religious eagle?

Bird of pray.

Why is it prohibited to feed eagles in several countries?

Because it would be ill-eagle

I was laying in my hotel room bed, naked and spread eagle, when the cleaning lady comes in.

Finally.

A man is on trial for killing and eating a spotted owl.

He tells the judge, "I'm sorry it was endangered, but I had been lost in the woods for five days and I was starving." The judge deliberates a while and dismisses the case. Before the man leaves the judge whispers, "Between you and me, how did it taste?" The man replies, "It was sort of like a cross ...

I found this little baby eagle on the ground and it looked like it was sick.

I thought about taking it to the vet, but I didn't pick it up because it's ill eagle.

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A guy is caught by a ranger eating a Bald Eagle...

A guy is caught by a ranger eating a Bald Eagle and is consequently put in jail for the crime. On the day of his trial, the conversation went something like this:

Judge: "Do you know that eating a Bald Eagle is a federal offense?"

Man: "Yes, I did. But if you let me argue my case, I'll...

The tiny door to the magic castle was barely big enough to crawl through. It was carved with a half-lion, half-eagle, and guarded by a fearsome raven that would only allow you to pass if you breathed on its foot...

So basically you had to huff n puff on the raven claw then slither in the griffon door.

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The Eagles held the record for bestselling album of all time.

That was until Micheal Jackson beat it..

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Baby eagle in his nest sees a fighter jet passing overhead.

Amazed at the speed, he turns to mamma and asks, "Why can't we fly so fast?" 

Mamma: "You would too my son, if your ass was on fire."

What do you get when a condor, an ostrich, and an eagle walk into a bar?

Three golfers lying about their game

Why are you not allowed to keep eagles that have a disease?

Because they are ill-eagle.

So Jesus, Moses and an old man go golfing

The first to play is Jesus. After his swing, the ball land in the lake. He runs towards it, walks on the water and grabs the ball. Then it's Moses' turn. Bad luck, the same thing happens to him. He walks to the lake, spreads the water into two parts and grabs the ball on the dry ground. Finally, it'...

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Walking Eagle

On a recent trip Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nations in upstate New York.

She spoke for almost an hour on her ideas and policies to help all Americans if she was to become president.

At the conclusion of her speech, the tribes presen...

I'm relieved the Patriots lost...

No patriot I know would ever beat an eagle.

I’ve got the heart of a lion and the eye of an eagle...

And now i’m banned from entering the zoo.

Why did the ancient Roman police arrest an Eagle?

Because he was... Aquila.

What's the difference between patriots, eagles, and Cheerios?

Cheerios belong in a Bowl.

A park ranger finds a man in the wilderness eating a bald eagle.

The man is arrested and brought to trial for killing a protected bird.

He pleads with the judge, "Your honor, I was lost in the wilderness for three days without food, and the eagle attacked me. I fought back in self-defense, and I ate it because I was starving."

The judge listens to t...

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A Native American's youngest son asked him a question

"Father, how did you get the inspiration for naming your children?"

The father smiled at him and replied, "Well, the moment that each of my children were born, I went outside the tent and the first thing I saw I named my child after. Like your brother, when he was born I rushed outside and sa...

What's the difference between an eagle and a snitch?

Nothing, they both talon you.

Here all night.

What's the difference between a falcon and an eagle?

Eagles can hold a lead.

Why did the eagle spare the mouse's life?

He couldn't be buzzard to hunt it.

It was the ‘bring your pet to school’ day today, there were a lot of birds

Weirdly enough most of them were desert eagles!

The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

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A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He starts calling numbers... like a telephone... on his hand and talking in his hand.

The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very
tough neighbourhood and he doesn't need any trouble
here.

The guy says, You don't understand. I'm very hi-tech. I
had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the cellular.
The bartender says 'Prove it'. ...

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Five Minute Management Lesson

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob ...

Why aren't eagles allowed to be sick in america?

Because that would be illeagle

I encountered an eagle with an identity crisis...

He's watching me like a hawk.

An eagle checks in at the airline ticket counter with a dead rabbit under one wing. The agent asks, "do you want to check the rabbit?"

"No, this is carrion."

Why did Trump push for Congress to change the national bird after seeing one get sick in a zoo?

He hates ill eagles.

Yo mama so dumb...

...she argues endlessly that Frodo could have just ridden a giant eagle into Mordor and dropped the Ring into Mount Doom from the air, even though all the characters in the book say over and over again that Sauron can SEE EVERYWHERE and that stealth was their only hope of getting anywhere with the R...

Why do Republicans hate sick eagles?

Because they're illegals

One day in the future, Donald Trump has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to Hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil.

“You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll ...

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Superman flying around horny... (Dirty and Long)

One day Superman is flying around and he sees Wonder Woman sun tanning, butt naked and spread eagle on top of the justice league building. He thinks to himself, "I am fast as a speeding bullet, I can fly in, pump a few times, and be gone before Wonder Woman even knows what happened".

So as fa...

What do you call a sick eagle that just flew in from out of the country?

an ill-eagle immigrant

Two Bald Eagles

A bald eagle decides to stop by a small lake to get a drink. As he's drinking another bald eagle lands next to him.


He looks at the eagle and notices a tulip, a rose, and a rabbit's foot on top of his head.

"What's with the stuff on your head?", the eagle asks.

"Oh this?"...

There was once a homeless man in a small town

Everybody knew him, everybody liked him, he never bothered anybody, until one day someone saw him down by the beach catching an osprey and cooking it up, and they called the cops. The cops arrived as he was finishing his meal, telling him "ospreys are protected animals around here. Sorry, but we got...

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Three lost men

Three men get stranded in the desert without any water or supplies. They wander to the point of dehydration and finally decide to pray, they’re answered by god. “ run to the top of that dune then jump and shout the first thing that comes to mind”. So the first man runs to the top, he jumps and shout...

Lucky day for Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly.

Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly was watching the news when he witnessed something astounding. A young Syrian man had just thrown a hand grenade over 100 yards through the window of a building into a room that housed a sniper. He was so impressed that he had the man found and brought into t...

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A man is put on trial for killing and eating a bald eagle.

As they are a protected species. The judge asks the man why he did this, and the man explains that he survived a plane crash in the wild and did it because it was the only things he could do to eat. Given the circumstances, the judge lets him off the hook. After the trial a reported walks up to the ...

When checking in for his flight, the wedge-tailed eagle was asked: Would you like to check some baggage or purchase an in-flight meal?

The eagle replied: No thanks. I'll just have my carrion.

Just trying to help.

I was walking home from work the other day and found an injured bird by the side of the road, I decided to pick it up and take it to the shelter, on the way to the shelter, the police stopped me and arrested me.

They said that what I was carrying was Ill Eagle.

An Eagle goes searching for a mate.

He swoops down and picks up a loon. The loon looks up at him and coos, "I'm a loon, I'm a loon, I love to spoon."

The eagle realizes this will not work, so he kicks the loon away and finds a hawk, which immediately starts repeating, "I'm a hawk, I'm a hawk, I just want to talk."

Realiz...

Moses, Jesus and a guy went golfing

Moses, Jesus, and another guy are playing golf together. Moses hits the ball and SPLASH…it lands in the water. Moses walks up to the water…lifts his arms, parting the lake…walks over to the ball and hits it onto the green. Jesus hits the ball and SPLASH…it lands in the water. Jesus walks up to the w...

What's the difference between a hawk and an eagle?

All birds have specialized tail feathers called pinions. An eagle has 8 pinions, while a hawk only has 7. So you could say the difference is only a matter of a pinion.

What do you call an Eagle who can't catch it's prey?

*Talon*tless.


...Sorry.

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Liberal party leader Justin Trudeau attended the Assembly of First Nations annual summer meeting in Whitehorse.

Trudeau said he wasn't there to speak to the chiefs but to listen.


Then he spoke for almost two hours on his success in bringing the Liberal Party back into the hearts of the Canadian people and how he was going to legalize marijuana and the many ways that he was going to help the Firs...

Yes, It's true eagles can soar...

...but at least weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

The Eagle- an original joke

A man is talking with an eagle.

The man asks, "Eagle, how can you catch your prey so well if you just fly over really fast?"

The eagle responds, "I don't know, I guess I just have a talon for it."

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Walking Eagle

Barack Obama spoke for nearly an hour at the American Indian Convention,
referring to the audience as his red brothers and red sisters. Obama promised the native Americans
expanded job opportunity, improved living conditions and a higher standard of living.
Although detail was vague or l...

Gliding Eagles

Two eagles were gliding at a high altitude and discussing life, when a F-15 fighter jet zooms above them. It throws them off course and ruffles up their feathers.

They calm down and get back on track gliding next to each other.

The first eagle, excitedly 'Wow!! Now thats what I call sp...

Wonder Woman is laying on the beach naked.

Superman flys over and sees Wonder Woman speed eagle and naked with her eyes closed. Superman says to himself, "I bet I can fly down there and bust a nut in her before she even realizes what happened.

He decides to go for it. He flys down and super bangs her faster than a speeding bullet an...

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An eagle swoops down from the sky...

...and eats a mouse. Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks, "How high up are we?"

"About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies.

The mouse replies, "You ain't shittin' me, are you?"

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A man goes to confession and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

The priest asks if he would like to confess his sins and the man replies, "Yes, father. I used the "F-word" over the weekend."

The priest says, "Oh okay, just say three Hail Marys and try to watch your language."

The man replies that he would like to confess as to why he said the "F-wo...

What do a mole and an eagle have in common?

They both live underground. Except for the eagle.

How Can You Identify a Bald Eagle?

All his feathers are combed to one side

The difference between a Life Scout and an Eagle Scout.

A Life Scout is ready for anything. The Eagle Scout is ready for Murphy's Law.

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Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing. St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and straight. It reaches the green. Jesus is up next. He slices it. It heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street.

Bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter, down the drain spout and onto a lilly pad at the edge of a lake. A frog jumps up and snatches the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog. As the eagle flies over the green, the frog croaks and drops the b...

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The Frog.

A guy goes into a bar, and sits down next to a gorgeous blonde. He pulls a little box out of his pocket, and sets it on the bar. The blonde looks at the box, but doesn't say anything.
After he finishes his first beer, he opens the box, and takes a frog out, and puts him on the bar. The blonde sa...

I saw a really big seagull today

It was easily big enough to be a D gull, but not quite big enough to be an eagle.

Jesus, moses and a an old man go play a round of golf.

On the first tee Jesus tees of first. He slices the ball badly into the water. He then walks to edge of the pond and "parts the seas", he walks out into the dry pond and smacks his ball up onto the green.

Moses goes next, he too slices his ball into the water. He goes out and walks on water ...

What do you call a Native American nymphomaniac?

Spread Eagle

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