Why can’t you breed a eel with and eagle?

It’s Eeleagle

Healthy eagles come from America.

Ill eagles come from Mexico.

Did you know that it’s wrong to breed eels with eagles?

It’s eel-eagle.

If the eagle is the bird of war and the dove is the bird of Love ! What is the bird of true love ?

The Swallow!

The eagle was a bird of many skills.

One could say he was very talon-ted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hiker gets lost in the woods...

A hiker gets lost in the woods and spends the next two days wandering around with no food. Finally, he spots a bald eagle on a ledge, hits it with a big rock, and begins eating it raw.

A park ranger stumbles on the scene and arrests the hiker for killing an endangered species.

In court...

What do you call an eagle which is sick?

illegal

Trump has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let ...

I saw a meerkat save its nephew from an eagle's clutches at the very last second.

It was a meer-uncle.

I have the heart of a lion, and the eyes of an eagle.

Also a lifetime ban from the zoo.

I found this little baby eagle on the ground and it looked like it was sick.

I thought about taking it to the vet, but I didn't pick it up because it's ill eagle.

Why is it prohibited to feed eagles in several countries?

Because it would be ill-eagle

Moses, Jesus and a bearded old man are playing golf.

Moses hits a long one, but it rolls to a river. Moses raises his golf club, the waters part, and the ball rolls into the hole.

Jesus also hits a long one towards the same river, but just as it is about to fall into the water it stops and hovers above it. Jesus walks to the river, and chips it...

Why couldn't the eagle fly out of the country?

Because it was an ill eagle.

What’s on the back of a flying rabbit?

An eagle.

Nancy Pelosi, Mike Pence and Donald Trump died and went to heaven.

St Peter greeted the three of them at the Pearly Gates.

"Ah, my friends, you arrived just in time for our new programme." St Peter proclaimed. "You get to go back to Earth and for one month as anything you want. Then you come back here to proceed to your eternal reward."

"I want to be ...

What did Doug Pederson tell the Eagles about the tough matchup with the Saints?

Don’t expect tomorrow to be a breeze.

What do you call a bird so sick, it's breaking the law?

Ill eagle

Pony and Eagle walked up to Coyote

Pony tells Coyote: "I am very mad at Eagle. Will you yell at him for me?"

Coyote: "Why can't you yell at him yourself?"

Pony replies: "Because I'm a little horse."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Five Minute Management Lesson

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Billy was excited to get his Eagle badge but had to pass a final test

Billy and his mates are on a camping trip, when the troop leader said "I have one final test for you, Billy," as he pointed towards a tree. "I need you to identify the front of this tree."

Little Billy walks around the tree, studying it, the troop leader is stumped as Billy proclaims, "obviou...

Why would America choose the bold eagle as their national bird when all they do is attack things and fly away?

Oh, right...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang...

It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in an accident and was in critical condition and in ICU.
The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible.

As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best...

It was the ‘bring your pet to school’ day today, there were a lot of birds

Weirdly enough most of them were desert eagles!

Why are you not allowed to keep eagles that have a disease?

Because they are ill-eagle.

The tiny door to the magic castle was barely big enough to crawl through. It was carved with a half-lion, half-eagle, and guarded by a fearsome raven that would only allow you to pass if you breathed on its foot...

So basically you had to huff n puff on the raven claw then slither in the griffon door.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

He spent most of his life in a quandry..

He was depressed. His spirits were down. He felt different. He couldn't figure out why. The young indian brave decides to go to the chief of his tribe for advice.

"Chief, I need answers. You name every child born to this tribe. How do you come up with the names you bestow upon us."

S...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young First Nations boy goes to his father to ask how he got his name.

The wise father tells his son that it is the custom of their people to name their children for what they see in nature immediately after birth.

The father says, “when your sister was born we saw a deer running through the forest and so we named her Running Deer. And when your brother was bo...

What do you call a religious eagle?

Bird of pray.

A psychiatrist arrives for a house call and is greeted by a panicked mother

Who shows him to her son’s room. Her son had taken an extreme interest in First Nations culture in the past years going as far as packing his room with First Nations ornaments and trinkets and even changing his name to Spirit Eagle. However, the interesting state of his room was over shadowed by the...

Why did Trump push for Congress to change the national bird after seeing one get sick in a zoo?

He hates ill eagles.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He starts calling numbers... like a telephone... on his hand and talking in his hand.

The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very
tough neighbourhood and he doesn't need any trouble
here.

The guy says, You don't understand. I'm very hi-tech. I
had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the cellular.
The bartender says 'Prove it'. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Baby eagle in his nest sees a fighter jet passing overhead.

Amazed at the speed, he turns to mamma and asks, "Why can't we fly so fast?" 

Mamma: "You would too my son, if your ass was on fire."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Walking Eagle

On a recent trip Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nations in upstate New York.

She spoke for almost an hour on her ideas and policies to help all Americans if she was to become president.

At the conclusion of her speech, the tribes presen...

I was laying in my hotel room bed, naked and spread eagle, when the cleaning lady comes in.

Finally.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to confession and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

The priest asks if he would like to confess his sins and the man replies, "Yes, father. I used the "F-word" over the weekend."

The priest says, "Oh okay, just say three Hail Marys and try to watch your language."

The man replies that he would like to confess as to why he said the "F-wo...

There was once a homeless man in a small town

Everybody knew him, everybody liked him, he never bothered anybody, until one day someone saw him down by the beach catching an osprey and cooking it up, and they called the cops. The cops arrived as he was finishing his meal, telling him "ospreys are protected animals around here. Sorry, but we got...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is caught by a ranger eating a Bald Eagle...

A guy is caught by a ranger eating a Bald Eagle and is consequently put in jail for the crime. On the day of his trial, the conversation went something like this:

Judge: "Do you know that eating a Bald Eagle is a federal offense?"

Man: "Yes, I did. But if you let me argue my case, I'll...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman flying around horny... (Dirty and Long)

One day Superman is flying around and he sees Wonder Woman sun tanning, butt naked and spread eagle on top of the justice league building. He thinks to himself, "I am fast as a speeding bullet, I can fly in, pump a few times, and be gone before Wonder Woman even knows what happened".

So as fa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Quick Learner

Paw is talking to Maw one day.

"Maw. Ernest is 18 now. It's about time we teach him about fuckin".

"Ok." Says Maw, "I'll wait in the bedroom."

Paw calls Ernest over and says "Son, you're old enough now, its time you learn about fuckin."

"Well what's fuckin?" Says Ernest....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Eagles held the record for bestselling album of all time.

That was until Micheal Jackson beat it..

What's the difference between an eagle and a snitch?

Nothing, they both talon you.

Here all night.

Moses, Jesus and a guy went golfing

Moses, Jesus, and another guy are playing golf together. Moses hits the ball and SPLASH…it lands in the water. Moses walks up to the water…lifts his arms, parting the lake…walks over to the ball and hits it onto the green. Jesus hits the ball and SPLASH…it lands in the water. Jesus walks up to the w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Liberal party leader Justin Trudeau attended the Assembly of First Nations annual summer meeting in Whitehorse.

Trudeau said he wasn't there to speak to the chiefs but to listen.


Then he spoke for almost two hours on his success in bringing the Liberal Party back into the hearts of the Canadian people and how he was going to legalize marijuana and the many ways that he was going to help the Firs...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wonder Woman is laying on the beach naked.

Superman flys over and sees Wonder Woman speed eagle and naked with her eyes closed. Superman says to himself, "I bet I can fly down there and bust a nut in her before she even realizes what happened.

He decides to go for it. He flys down and super bangs her faster than a speeding bullet an...

What do you get when a condor, an ostrich, and an eagle walk into a bar?

Three golfers lying about their game

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is caught feasting on a Bald Eagle by a park ranger.

He is taken to court and the judge asks him why he committed this crime.

The man replies “ I had no other choice and this was my only way of survival.”

Given the circumstances, the judge decides that this man is telling the truth and let’s him off the case. But being curious, the judg...

Two golfing buddies where out golfing one day

Tim owned a house on a golf course right in on the 7th hole. One day, Bob and Tim where golfing and when they got to the 7th hole, Bob leaned over to Tim and said "You know Tim, if you opened your patio door and your front door, you could get a eagle on this par 5." Tim, thinking it over, decided to...

A park ranger finds a man in the wilderness eating a bald eagle.

The man is arrested and brought to trial for killing a protected bird.

He pleads with the judge, "Your honor, I was lost in the wilderness for three days without food, and the eagle attacked me. I fought back in self-defense, and I ate it because I was starving."

The judge listens to t...

Why did the ancient Roman police arrest an Eagle?

Because he was... Aquila.

What's the difference between a falcon and an eagle?

Eagles can hold a lead.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing. St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and straight. It reaches the green. Jesus is up next. He slices it. It heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street.

Bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter, down the drain spout and onto a lilly pad at the edge of a lake. A frog jumps up and snatches the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog. As the eagle flies over the green, the frog croaks and drops the b...

What's the difference between patriots, eagles, and Cheerios?

Cheerios belong in a Bowl.

A man is on trial for killing and eating a spotted owl.

He tells the judge, "I'm sorry it was endangered, but I had been lost in the woods for five days and I was starving." The judge deliberates a while and dismisses the case. Before the man leaves the judge whispers, "Between you and me, how did it taste?" The man replies, "It was sort of like a cross ...

I’ve got the heart of a lion and the eye of an eagle...

And now i’m banned from entering the zoo.

I saw a really big seagull today

It was easily big enough to be a D gull, but not quite big enough to be an eagle.

Jesus, Moses, and an old man go golfing.

The first one to tee off is Moses. He smashes the ball and it is heading right for the water hazard before the green. Moses raises his club, the water parts, and the ball makes it to the green.

Jesus gets up to swing, cranks it out, and it is headed for the water hazard. Jesus closes his eyes...

I'm relieved the Patriots lost...

No patriot I know would ever beat an eagle.

Two Guys From Philly

Two guys from Philadelphia die and wake up in hell. The next day, the devil stops to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats, warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?"
The two guys reply, "Well, you k...

Last night Philadelphia residents climbed light poles, flipped over cars, and set dumpsters on fire

Then things really got out of hand when they learned the Eagles won the Super Bowl

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Minute Management Course

Lesson One ...

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a...

An 11 year old boy is walking down the hall of his house at night and hears screaming from his parent's bedroom. He opens the door and sees his dad standing there with a wig on in assless chaps with his mom on the bed in cheerleading outfit...

An 11 year old boy is walking down the hall of his house at night and hears screaming from his parent's bedroom. He opens the door and sees his dad standing there with a wig on in assless chaps with his mom on the bed in cheerleading outfit...

"Daddy!? What is going on?!" the kid spurts out, ...

In the early 1800s three explorers are captured by a Native American tribe

In the early 1800s three explorers are captured by a Native American tribe...A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Russian. They are all taken in front of the chief. The chief is furious that they trespassed on the scared ancestral burial land but says they would have one chance to redeem themselves. Nex...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Indian chief...

As long as anyone could remember, this Indian chief was in charge of naming all the children born in the tribe. 

One day , this brave one comes up to him and says , "Chief, can I ask you something, how do you name these children? How do you think of their names?"

Chief says, " It is v...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Goldfish, man, you made me so happy, I'll do anything for you...

This is long, so bear with me.
So I was fishing at this pond close to home, see. And all day I was fishing, with nothing biting. Just as the sun was setting, something was finally tugging and wouldn't you know, the most brightly coloured gold FISH(!) was at the end of my fishing string. And w...

A man is arrested for killing a condor

A man is arrested for killing an endangered condor. Before the judge, the man says, "Your honor, I only killed the condor to feed my hungry family."

The judge says, "Well, I can't charge a man for feeding his family. And I'm curious so I'll let you off with a warning if you answer one questio...

The Little Magic Frog [Long]

One day I'm out golfing and find myself stuck in a sand trap, when I hear a high pitch voice telling me to use my 5 iron. I look around and I don't see anyone nearby. I use my 5 iron and get an eagle! I then spot a little frog that tells me it is a magic frog and everything it says is the best thing...

The biggest difference between the Superbowl and the Grammy's.

The Eagles have won a Grammy.

How old am I going to be, daddy?

My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night. My wife and I had picked her up from her friend Sally’s birthday party, brought her home and put her to bed. My wife went into the bedroom to read while I fell asleep watching the Eagles game.
“Daddy, “she whispered, tugging at my sleeve. “Guess how ol...

Why did the eagle spare the mouse's life?

He couldn't be buzzard to hunt it.

3 men died and were taken to God....

They were taken to the top of a cliff . GOD SAID to them that since they had been such outstanding citizens on Earth that they'd be given one chance to become anything they desired.
The first man ran to the edge of the cliff, jumped into the air and shouted."i want to be an eagle". Instantly he w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to a brothel.

A man goes to a brothel. Broke, he ask for their cheapest pricing. The madam respond, "there's a girl who will go for $30."

The man opens his wallet, revealing just a couple dusty coins. Reluctantly he says, "Any cheaper?"

"Well there is... just one. It might not be the best but she ...

A long time ago, a spanish civilization was extremely advanced in technology.

In fact, their technology was so advanced in their current time period that they were thought to be using magic. While others built their shelters out of sticks, they built their shelters out of adobe bricks. While others cooked with fire pits, they cooked with electric stoves. While others fought w...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.