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Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community...

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'si...

My grandfather’s last wish is that we convert his ashes into a diamond.

That’s a lot of pressure.

Two older Jewish men walked by a Catholic Church with a sign in front that said “Convert today and get $100”

The first man turned to the second and said “$100?!? I’m going in!” and walked into the church, leaving his friend to wait for him outside. When the first man came back out, the second asked, “OK, so now you’re Catholic but did you at least get the $100?”. The first man gave him a look and said “It’...

BREAKING NEWS: EMINEM just convert to Islam.

He is the real Muslim Shady.

An atheist is hiking in the woods...

So an atheist is hiking in the woods when he stumbles across a huge hungry grizzly bear. The bear rears up to full height and gives a roar as it leans in toward the man. The atheist screams in terror "Oh God, help me!!!"

Suddenly, everything--> the bear, the trees, the birds, everything bu...

A priest, a minister and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job.

So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins:

“When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the mi...

A 90 year old Holocaust survivor told me this joke.

Two Jewish guys are walking when one notices a sign on a Catholic church that says "Convert to Christianity, and we'll give you $100."
The one says to the other, "should we do it??" The other says "NO!! Are you crazy?" The first guy replies "Hey, a hundred dollars is a hundred dollars... I'm gonn...

Steam hissing out from under his hood, a Walrus pulls his convertible into a service station...

The service station attendant looks over and says "looks like you've blown a seal"

"No I haven't," says the Walrus, "I've just finished an ice-cream."

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(Long) A guy driving a brand new convertible Corvette stops at a gas station to fill up on his inaugural drive

(This is my dad's favorite joke)


He gets out of the car, throws a hundred at the attendant to fill it and tells him to make sure not to scratch it, then goes inside to buy some snacks. While he's inside, an old hillbilly wearing an old tatter shirt with suspenders putters up to the gas st...

The idea that we can convert a dog's age to human years by multiplying by 7 is a total myth.

You multiply by 9/5 and add 32. It’s the muttric conversion.

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.

Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring....

Did you hear about the non-denominational Christian who converted to Catholicism because of his Catholic wife?

He didn’t believe in sects before marriage.

A horse rider was riding along the road when he saw a person in a convertible going really fast

Finally the convertible stopped at a gas station. The rider came up and asked him, “Why are you driving so fast?”

The man responded,”my coolant system is broken, I drive fast to let the wind cool my engine.

The rider then rode off, pushing his horse faster and faster until finally it d...

A Catholic priest, a Baptist minister and a rabbi are camping together

Around the campfire they each claim to be the best at winning converts to their respective faiths. To settle the friendly dispute they decide to seek out a bear and try to convert it. The next day they fan out in different directions into the woods, planning to meet back at the campsite in twelve ho...

A priest, a holy roller and a rabbi have a contest to convert a bear to their religion

The rabbi tries first. The priest and holy roller end up visiting him in the hospital.

The priest says "Maybe I shouldn't have *begun* with circumcision."

-Garrison Keillor, News From Lake Wobegone, Jan 21, 2017

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Two Jews walk past a sign outside a church

“Convert to Christianity now, get $100!”

Micha can’t resist such easy money, and enters the church, while Ben decides to wait outside.

After a while, Micha returns, and Ben asks:

“Well? Did you get the 100 dollars?”

Micha scoffs, and says:

“Money! That’s all you ...

Kerala was the first indian state where Hindus got converted to Christianity

Saint Thomas, who was one of the disciples of Jesus Christ visited Kerala in 52 AD.

How did St Thomas convert Keralites to Christianity ?

St Thomas said, "Jesus healed the sick ".
People didn't believe .

He said, "Jesus died for you".
People said "Oh pl...

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An Irish daughter (an oldie but goodie)

An Irish daughter had not been to the house for over five years. Upon her return, her father cussed her out, "Where have you been all this time, you ingrate! Why didn't you write us, not even a line to let us know how you were doing? Why didn't you call? You little tramp! Don't you know what you put...

Why did the convertible car kill a man?

Because it's roofless.

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What do you call a dick who’s always trying to convert you?

An evangenital.

Me: Hey man i’m thinking about converting to judaism

Him: No way dude

Me: Yahweh dude

Two blondes are out shopping

When they're done they head back to their convertible, but suddenly realize they locked the keys inside the car.

While they stand there, not knowing what to do, one of the blondes finally has the bright idea to try and pick the lock with her bobby pin.

The other blonde looks up worri...

I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system!

It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me.

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How do you know Jeffrey Epstein converted to Islam?

He was promised 72 virgins in the afterlife and he just couldn’t wait.

The big bad wolf had converted to Buddhism. There was peace in the forest. Suddenly. SCREAMS.

A bystander asked the running animals, "What's happened now?"

"The big bad wolf," a goat said, "is meditating."

"So?" said the bystander, "Isn't that a good thing...?"

"Noooo!" the goat bleated.

"It's become aware wolf!"

A long time ago, in the middle east

There was a town where everyone worshipped many gods. But one day, a young boy arrived from afar, claiming to be a prophet sent by Allah. He told them to convert to Islam, or else they would receive divine punishment.

Naturally, the townspeople rejected his words, and they executed him in pub...

If topography was converted to a line graph.

Then America peaked somewhere around the Rockies.

what is a mormon missionary’s favorite type of car?

a convertible

A Buddhist converted to Christianity

To get with his new girlfriend, a Buddhist quit his religion and converted to Christianity. As they were cleaning up his old apartment,the girlfriend stumbled upon his old notebooks containing all the wisdom he had learned from his old teacher.

"Babe, what's this?" She asked.

"Don't wo...

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What do you get when 500 Jewish mothers convert to Catholicism?

Critical Mass.

After 62 years of being devoted to Judaism, Abraham converts to Christianity

Distraught over this unexpected development, his life-long friend Moshe sends him a message.

Moshe: "Abraham, you schmuck! How could you abandon your faith?"

Abraham: "New Testament, who dis?"

Because of COVID19...

We will be converting all TCP applications to UDP to avoid handshakes.

Corona virus enters Russia, but did not cause any illness. Why?

Communism converts i to we


Therefore Illness=wellness

Help! I think I broke my phone's speaker! All I did was convert my normal rap playlist into an emo rap playlist.

Now all I can hear is a Lil Peep.

Why did F and H not convert to Islam?

Because Jihad.

A hip young man goes out and buys a 2001 Ferrari 360 Spider. It is the best convertible sports car, costing about $250,000.

He takes it out for a spin and while stopping for a red light, an old man on a moped, wearing an open face crash helmet (looking about 70 years old) pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over the sleek, shiny red surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?" The youn...

I've been staring at topless models all day, just dreaming

But sadly, I can't afford the diecast convertible cars at the moment

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Frank the penguin is driving down the highway in his convertible, with the top down, enjoying the cool breeze on a hot summer day when he notices that his “check engine” light is on.

He pulls over into the nearest auto body shop, and after a few minutes of inspection, the mechanic tells him that there’s something up with the oil and it should only be about 30-35 minutes.

“You have some time to kill, why don’t you head into town for a few minutes?” the mechanic suggests. “...

TIL: ”Buckwheat” from the “Little Rascals” tv show converted to Islam...

His new name is “Kareem O Wheat”

Redditors are like alchemists.

They try to convert upvotes to Gold.

2 Jewish guys are walking down a street...

...when they see a Catholic church with a sign out front that says "Convert today and get $1000 dollars". The first Jewish guy says "Can you believe their chutzpah, thinking someone would convert for money?!". The other Jewish guy says "A thousand dollars?! I'm gonna go for it!" and runs into the ch...

An old Jewish mother complains to her friend, "My son Joey converted to Christianity."

Her friend says, "My God, my Eddy also converted! What can we do about it?"



The first woman responds, "The only thing we can do is pray."



So, the two of them head to the synagogue, where they sit down with prayer books and pour out their hearts to the Almighty. After a ...

Boudreaux the Baptist

Boudreaux was a Cajun highlander from Rapides Parish in central Louisiana who was born and raised a Baptist . Each Friday night after work, he would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak.

Now, as a point of interest, all of Boudreaux's neighbors were Catholic and as such were for...

The conversion

Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day, when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, "Convert to Catholicism and get $20."

Murray stops and stares at the sign. Abe turns to him and says, "Murray, what's going on?"

"Abe," replies...

An orthodox Jewish man is distraught because his son has converted to Christianity

He goes to temple to pray.

"Lord, what have I done wrong? I lived a righteous life, studying the Torah and doing everything you asked. But now my son has told me he wants to be a Christian! What should I do?"

After a moment of silence, a big booming voice calls out

"You think y...

Breaking News: All liquids in Switzerland are being converted to a pH of 7

The government were asked if they thought this was good idea. They claimed to be neutral

Ezra, a devout Jew, sent his son to Israel to learn about the culture.

When Ezra's son came back, he told his father, "I had a great time in Israel. I even converted to Christianity!"

Ezra was so shocked that he decided to tell his next door neighbour, Levi, also a devout Jew.

"Funny you should mention this," said Levi. "I too sent my son to Israel and he...

Why do convertible owners drive with the top down in rainstorms?

So they can use the car pool lane.

How are women like converting Roman numerals?

My X always turns into a 10.

What do you call a Mexican girl who converts to Islam?

Dora the Exploder

Convert today! $5000

Two elderly Jewish men were walking along when they came across a sign "Convert today! $5000." One of the men was interested and said he was going to see what it was all about. His friend had no interest and said he would wait on a bench. After 8 hours finally the man returns from the church.
...

Sinead O'Connor has converted to Islam and stated that she "no longer wants to spend time with white people". What a great loss...

For the Islam community.

Why did the Christian convert quit his job at the sewer company?

Because entering manholes was no longer his thing.

An idiot moves to a very religious catholic neighborhood.

This particular idiot loved to eat chicken, so he grilled it every day. Now, on Fridays, the people of his neighborhood would get irritated that someone was eating meat when they had to abstain, so they took it up with their pastor. Their pastor then went to the idiot, and told him about the message...

Why did the three year old African boy buy a red convertible?

He was having a midlife crisis.

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My uncle converted to Christianity

My uncles and I were out one day getting our bagels and gefilte fish and we noticed the placard. “$1,000 to convert!”

Well, being the shrewd mensches we are we decide one of us should go ahead and check. Uncle Hersch draws the short straw so he goes in.

We wait.

And wait.
...

Giorno and Gyro are lost in Morocco

Old Muslim joke.

Giorno and Gyro are lost in Morocco, they are hungry, they haven't eaten anything for 1 day.

Gyro sees a mosque :

- Gyro : hey it’s a mosque maybe we can ask for food.
- Giorno : we aren’t Muslims they probably won’t give us any food.
- Gyro : we can c...

A Jewish businessman in Brooklyn

A Jewish businessman in Brooklyn decided to send his son to Israel to absorb some of the cultures of the homeland. When the son returned, the father asked him to tell him about his trip. The son said, "Pop, I had a great time in Israel. Oh, and by the way, I converted to Christianity." "Oh, my," sai...

A recently converted jewish man walks into a synagogue...

In the synagogue is a doctor offering free circumcisions.

After the procedure, the man asks the doctor,"So how do you make a living if you dont charge people for your services?".

To which the doctor replied,"its simple! I just keep the tips."

America is converting to metric units...

inch by inch.

Why did the man convert to Mormonism?

Because he wanted to have his Kate, and Edith, too!

Nintendo was going to convert a car factory to manufacture their new console.

But the factory owner didn't want to make the switch.

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A black man becomes Orthodox...

A black man converts to Greek orthodoxy. One day he walks into a church out of town. An old woman sees him, and perceives he performs all the ritual motions exactly.

She walks up to him and asks "Sonnie, tell me true, you Greek?"
He says "no".

Again, she sees he performs all the ri...

I decided to convert from degrees to radians.

My math teacher was surprised at the π.

Converting a Bear to the Faith

A rabbi, priest, and a preacher meet every Monday in a coffee shop to talk things over about their spiritual life.

One day, the priest makes a bet with the other guys that he could convert a bear in the woods over to his religion. The others nod and say "Yeah, I'll bet we could do it quicker...

Sometimes when I'm bored I'll convert vector images into bitmaps

But I really should stop procrasternating.

Converting a Bear

A protestant minister, a Catholic Priest, and a Rabbi were in a coffee shop arguing about whose religion is best. After hours of arguing, they agree to go into the woods and convert a bear. They would meet up in next week to see who won.

The next week, the Priest comes in to the coffee shop w...

My friend converted to Judaism last month.

I was gonna go to his circumcision, but they had to reschedule because it was too brisk.

A priest, rabbi and minister have a contest

A priest, rabbi and minister have a contest to see who's the best at their jobs by trying to convince a bear to join their religion. The priest goes in, sprinkles holy water on the bear and manages to convert the bear. The minister goes in, preaches, and manages to also convert the bear. The rabbi g...

Muslim converting to Christianity [Translated]

A muslim decided to convert to Christianity. He went to the Vatican to get baptised.
There was two men before him, the Pope took the first and dipped his head in the holy water basin and took it out. The Pope asked the man: Did you see Christ?? The man replied Yes. The Pope said: Congratulations,...

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Two old Jews are walking down the street and see a sign outside of a church that says: "Jews, come let us save your soul! Convert and we will give you $50!"

Shmuel and Moshe are walking down the street and see a sign outside of a church that says: "Jews, come let us save your soul! Convert and we will give you $50!" Shmuel and Moshe look at each other, amused by such mishegas, and plot that Moshe should go in, listen to their schtick, and then they can ...

Converting pimps to socialism is proving difficult

Maybe I shouldn't have told them they have nothing to lose but their chains

What do you call a cow that's converted to Islam?

A Mooslim

A cop pulls over a couple in a convertible for going way below the speed limit on a highway.

Cop: Are you aware that you were going 17 in a 60 zone?

Driver: No officer, the sign says 17 right there.

Cop: Sir, that's the route sign.

At this point the cop notices that the lady in the passenger seat is frozen in fear, staring forward, and her hair is a mess.

Cop: ...

Lets go pick up some tranny hookers...

Or, as they call them on Tatooine, "Power converters."

Before I got divorced, I should have converted all my assets to jokes.

Because my ex couldn't ever take one.

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Convert Today! Earn $5000.

(More Jewish inspired jokes)

These two rabbis are walking down the street. As they're walking, they pass a church with a large banner hanging above them that says across it:

CONVERT TODAY! EARN $5000.

The rabbis are perplexed by this. There is no way that this could be the real ...

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A particularly disheveled scientist discovered a way to convert human waste into a functioning liver.

When asked about the inspiration for his discovery he said "it was the only way I was ever going to get my shit organ-ized"

How do you convert Spanish programming into English?

Yes++

Old jewish man dying...

An old jewish man is dying. He says to his son,

"Go call a catholic pries. I want to convert!"

"What?" says the son. "Have you gone out of your mind?"

"Listen," says the father. "Better one of them than one of us."

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An old Irish Catholic is on his deathbed

An old Irish Catholic is on his deathbed, and while his family gather round him he asks one of his sons to do him a favour.

"Son" he says, "Bring me a Protestant Vicar".

"But why father, why would you want a Protestant Vicar?" Asks the son.

The old man insists and the Vicar is d...

A Jewish Man Sends His Son Away

He sends him on a pilgrimage to Israel. Three months pass and the man is confused when his son is not wearing a Yamakah. The son informs the man that he has converted to Christianity.

Dumbfounded, the man goes to his friend (also Jewish) and tells him of his son. His friend replies, "How inte...

My wife hired this nice older woman to help deliver our baby at home, but she showed up to the house in a convertible and with dyed hair.

I think she's going through a midwife crisis.

If American football switched to metric

They'd have to convert 4th and inches

Two Rabbis are walking down the street and they walk past a Catholic church advertising a $50 payout for anyone who converts that day...

The one Rabbi looks at the other and says, "I think I am going to go in there, convert, and get the 50 dollars." The other Rabbi looks at him in disbelief and says, "You must be joking! Your grandfather was a studious Rabbi in Russia, your father emigrated to this country and also became a Rabbi, an...

A woman converting to Islam

is like a black person converting to slavery.

Why was the fraction skeptics about marrying the decimal?

He was sure he would have to convert.

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Do you know how to convert a dishwasher into an automatic snowplow?

Give that bitch a shovel.


(I'm not really a sexist pig... But that's still one of my favorite jokes.)

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Me: how is your bacteria converted into lactose, mixed with some sugar and milk and fruit to give it that nice extra flavor?

Friend: It's called yogurt asshole

What's a Jehovah's Witnesses favorite type of car?

A CONVERTable

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A blonde is driving down the highway

She is applying make-up in her rear view mirror. Her car drifts into the next lane and trades paint with a pickup truck. They pull off to the side of the road, the driver of the pickup truck gets out and he’s fuming. He asks the blonde if she has insurance and she just stares at him blankly... So he...

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