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Scar Jokes

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Little Johnny wakes up one night…

Little Johnny wakes up one night hearing noises from his parents bedroom.

He opens the door to his parents room and sees mom, handcuffed to the bed's headboard, dad ramming her from behind.

Johnny screams.

Dad turns to looks at him, laughs and gives mom a slap on the bum for g...

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Father and son from Utah, both avid fishermen, finally decide to visit the British Isles

So they have a beer in London, bag of crisps in Birmingham, they enjoy a slice of the famous Chevington cheese in Newcastle, and as they slowly traveled Northward, they both get the urge to go fishing in the famous Scottish Lochs.

And so it came to pass, that in Glasgow, they bought a o...

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Shoveling Shite

GRANDSON: Grandpa how come your hands are so rough and have so many scars?

GRANDPA: Since I was a boy I worked 15 hours a day in Arizona digging in the Grand Mountains. We worked 15 hours a day for 50 years. There were thousands of us.

GRANDSON Grandpa, it is the Grand CANYON that is i...

islas Malvinas

The English Government had finally decided to give the veterans of this terrible war between Argentina and the UK, some financial support, to the families of the veterans and to the veteran themselves. One of this war's veteran went to a pub in London and started pointing to a drink behind the barma...

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My first time posting a joke here. I first heard this one as a teenager and I've been telling it for at least 35 years now. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have. It's a long one, so be ready.

There once was a young, newlywed couple who just arrived in their honeymoon suite after a wonderful day spent celebrating their union with family and friends. The newlyweds, having both grown up in very sheltered homes, had no experience in the matters of sex and had pledged to one another to wait u...

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This dude dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter sees him show up and says “Holy shit, you’re the first person that’s ever come up here that’s exactly at 50% good and 50% evil. Not sure if I should send you to Heaven or Hell. This is crazy. Tell you what, since you’re exactly even I’m gonna let you choose”.

The dude says “Oh, wow...

I had a SCAB but I picked the bottom right hand corner of it...

No I have a SCAR.

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A detachment of US Marines are conducting jungle warfare training in the Congo, and one night around the campfire, the Congolese troops they're training with tell the Marines the tale of a cave in the middle of the jungle, filled with golden treasure but guarded by a fearsome monster.

According to the local soldiers, the cave is filled with the treasures of an ancient African king, but a sorcerer used his arcane powers to create an unholy creature to guard it. She was formed from a mix of human, gorilla, chimpanzee, and baboon, and stands seven feet tall, enormously strong. She h...

A man walks into a bar

And orders a drink. Whilst drinking it, a massively scarred Asian dude stumbles in the bar.

"What happened?" The man asks as he downs his drink.

"There's a dragon 10km east from here." The Asian dude rasps before passing out.

So the Man gets on his bike and travels 10km east an...

What do pimples and social media influencers have in common?

They both start off small, randomly grow huge, explode, then leave a nasty scar until one day we forget they were ever there.

That's all guys, bye.

A man walks into a bar

And sees two gangsters chating, one of them lifts his shirt, showing a horrible scar in his chest and says "Kansas city", the other does the same, lifts his shirt and shows a big scar in his back and says "Boston city". The man approaches them, lifts his shirt and shows a scar in the right side of h...

I remember staring down at the dead patient, and realising that I had failed my job as a doctor.

I was so scarred by that day that I've never examined a man's prostate since.

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cold lips

There once was a young apprentice shepard learning the ropes of his job at an old remote farm in the mountains. The old shepard took the young apprentice under his wing. "Looky here rook, you're going to be staying alone for the night at the farm. We've had problems with the wolves before, but if th...

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A man in Alberta wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof.

So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough..there's an ad for "Alberta Bear Removers."
He calls the number and the man says he'll be over in 30 minutes.
The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, 12-gauge shotgun, and a mean heavily scarred old pi...

newlyweds.

A couple gets married and go on a honeymoon, they get to the hotel and go up to their room. They start to get ready for bed.

They had never seen each other naked, so, he stood in from of her and took off his trousers, both of his knees are twisted and scarred.

She asked him “what happe...

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A pirate and his newest sailor were at a bar, when the sailor noticed all the captain's scars.

\- How did you get the wooden leg? - asked the sailor.

\- I was fightin' four sharks, I caught three, but one stayed 'n tore me leg off.

\- How did you get the hook?

\- I was fightin' five sharks, I caught four, but one stayed 'n swallowed me hand.

\- And how did you get ...

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Bob goes into a public restroom...

...and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms.

As Bob's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak. Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out.

Being a kind soul, Bob say...

What do you call it when someone coerces you into smoking marijuana rolled into a cigar and it mentally scars you?

Blunt force trauma

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A man pays 25 dollars for a lady of the night…

They go to a motel room and the man starts to undress. First he peels of his socks.
“What’s wrong with your toes” the prostitute asks after seeing his mangled, disgusting feet.
“When I was a kid I got toelio”
“Don’t you mean polio?”
“No, toelio”
The man continues to undress and then t...

I learned something really cool today.

When Patrick Stewart was a small boy, he had a third ear growing on his forehead. Apparently it's a very very rare condition. So to make things worse, no matter how many surgeries he had, it always grew back.

So finally his parents go a hold of a surgeon in Manchester, who said that not only ...

A French man, a British man and a Spanish man are caught stealing in a foreign country.

They are prosecuted and the judge sentences them all to 100 lashes each. However he wants to look lenient in the eyes of their respective countries so he reduces the lashes to twenty and allows them to have two requests each before being lashed.

The Spanish is first to be lashed and requests ...

The three guys at an interview joke just posted here reminded me of another version we used to tell about 20 years ago.. is it a repost? I don't know, probably yes, but does anyone really care ;) ?

Three guys interviewing to be a detective.

The final step is with the chief inspector who says, "Ahh, so you wanna be detectives, eh? The first skill you need is perception, let's see how you guys do with that"

He calls them into his office one by one.

The first guy goes in and ...

A new bartender is working the saloon in Dodge City

When a cowboy burst through the doors from the street shouting, "Look out everybody, Big Bill Johnson is coming to town!"

The saloon burst into a panicked commotion as everyone scrambled for the door. In the rush, the bartender is knocked down and passes out.

When he came to, he heard...

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I got in trouble for telling this joke in 5th grade on share a joke day.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess with three handsome suitors.

Each suitor tried their best to charm the princess, but the princess could not choose which handsome suitor to marry.

The princess did love ping pong though, and so she decided to test the suitors' love.
...

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My wife is pissed off at me...

She told me how unhappy she is with her c-section scar and I tried to comfort her. Apparently "honey, don't worry, your tits will cover it up" was not the right answer.

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Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man in a monastry in Tibet. He finds him red-robed and shaven-headed sweeping the temple courtyard.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." he says, drawing the six-fingered sword

The six-fingered man sighs and lowers his arms "I am prepared, my son. I have been freed from Earthly desires and acheived inner peace. I wish for nothing more than to move on to m...

A man walks into his first session with a psychiatrist

His mood is almost as dark as the room, shades drawn almost fully closed with just enough light to cast shadows like a priest’s confessional stall. *Perfect*, he thinks, *this will be easier if he can’t see the tears welling in my eyes*.

He sits down and breathes a heavy sigh. The clock tick...

What did Scar tell Simba when he was getting chased by the stampede?

Move fassa'

There is a scar on my dad's foot from when he was younger and stood on a hoe

And then she stabbed him in the foot.

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a man goes to his doctor ,,,

a man goes to see his doctor .

the doctor asks him " what is the reason for your visit ?"

the man answers in a very deep gravelly voice " its my voice doc , it scares my fiancee. Its okay when we are out in public or the lights are on , but the minute it gets dark or the lights go out...

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The Knight and the lady (NSFW)

There was a knight married to a beautiful lady. One day, a crusade is called and the knight is forced to leave his castle and head off to the crusades. Before he goes he arranged for his wife to wear a chastity belt, to ensure that none of his servants try anything with her in his absence. Yet this ...

The Polish Hero

Four guys are in a bar; one of them has a completely flat head. The other three keep buying him drinks, each time loudly proclaiming, "And another for the Polish hero here!"

Finally the bartender asks what's up.

"None of us would be here if it weren't for our Polish friend," says one g...

The Seagull and The Octopus

There once was a seagull with sore feet. He had been perching on a seaside railing all day and was starting to get blisters. He had tried going swimming, but the salt water seemed to irritate them and make them worse. He had tried flying, but he soon got so tired that he had to stop. He was in agony...

"Being a doctor, and being married to you..." said my wife. "..it feels like I'm living two lives."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"In one life there's medicine, scarring images and long, painful hours," she replied. "And in the other life I'm a doctor."

The Actor that plays Pennywise has a security detail comprised entirely of disfigured war vets who maim mall security

Skaarsgards scarred guards scars guards

Why did Scar shave Simba?

Heir removal.

John came to school with a scar on his forehead

Tom asked him what do you have on your face?
John answered that it was a scar and it was his fathers fault. John explained that he hit a nail with his fist, and his father told him that he really should use his head sometimes.

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So I met a girl in the bar last night

She said "I haven't had a cock for nearly 2 weeks now"

So I took her back to my place and we started fooling around.

We got undressed and that's when I noticed the scars from the operation.

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A man was involved in a terrible car accident.

Because of the accident he lost one of his eyes. The doctor explained to him that he could get a fake eye to replace the real one. So the man agrees and chooses the least expensive. A wooden eye.  

Some months pass and the man finally works up the courage to go out in public. His friends talk...

Three women meet at the pearly gates

After dying, three women end up at the pearly gates and are questioned by St. Peter. He asks if they believe they are worthy of entering heaven; to which all answer that they are but they don’t know if someone is waiting for them on the other side.

St. Peter let’s them choose between the unk...

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“This is good!”

Once there was a king. His best friend was a commoner, a man who was the son of one of the royal housekeepers. They were of an age, and had grown up playing together in the palace gardens.

As they grew older, the king found himself more and more impressed with his friend’s ability to always ...

There once was a man called John O’Malley. When John was young he loved tractors.

He had posters of tractors on his wall, loads of toy tractors, he even named his dog “Tractor”!

One day, while John was driving his favorite tractor, a Massey Ferguson 5710SL, the vehicle caught on fire. Luckily John escaped but not without injury, the tractor had blown up and some shrapnel h...

My wife was yelling at me saying I never say anything nice about her relatives

So I said that she has a nicer mother-in-law than I do.



I have the scars to prove it!

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The Challenge [NSFW]

A man walks into a bar, reaching the counter a sign hangs above the bar stating, “Complete The Challenge and Win Free Alcohol for Life!” Intrigued by this the man asks the bartender what exactly is the challenge. “Well first off you have to drink a gallon of apple cider vinegar, second we keep a gat...

What do you get when you cross Harry Potter with Luke Skywalker?

Scar Wars.

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A woman finds a lamp and of course it contains a genie...

... which offers to give her only one wish as he is very much tired from his 10.000 years of imprisonment.

,,I want a million dollars!'' she screams excited.

The Genie nods. ,,It shall be as you wi-''

,,No!'' interrupts the woman. ,,Such a wish is selfish and petty. No, what I w...

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There was once an ancient Chinese Emperor...

... This emperor had a young and beautiful daughter. One day he realized he was growing quite old, and there is a high chance he would soon die. When he died, there would be no man to take care of his daughter. So he set up a task for anyone in his empire. The person who brought him the most pin...

The veteran’s affairs office requests several ex-soldiers to come by and hear about a new pension plan.

“Alright men,” the official begins, “we’ve tried out a lot of pension plans in the past and none of them have worked out. At this point, we’re winging it. We’re going to measure between two points of your body, and whatever the distance is in inches, that’s how many thousand dollars you’ll get. So t...

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The man and the crocodile

A man walked into a bar that was offering a £10,000 reward for anyone who completed a 3 part challenge. The man was homeless and poor so agreed to the challenge. The bar owner explained all he had to do was 10 shots, then head out back where he had to remove the sore tooth from a crocodiles mouth. F...

A man goes to work one day with a VERY noticeable scar on his forehead

One of his coworkers was quick to ask what happened.

"Well" The man replied. "It started this morning".

"It was about 6 or 7 am, I got up fast because I thought I was going to be late, and I banged my head on the side of the bedside table, then I stumbled over to the closet and acciden...

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A man walks into a bar

And sees a huge sign behind the bar that says, "free drinks if you can complete the bar challenge". The man orders a beer and asks the bartender about the bar challenge. The bartender tells him that its a rigorous 3 step challenge that if you complete it you get all your drinks that night for free. ...

Yo momma is so literal...

...You still have the scar from when she threw you under the bus.

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"The Daily Post wishes to apologise for a misprint in last Saturday's edition which described Major-General Sir John Simpkin as a 'bottle-scarred veteran' ".

"This should of course have read 'battle-scared' ".

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We’re Gonna Play House

Man arrives in prison. Never been and scared out if his mind. He makes it to his cell and meets his cell mate. The cell mate a big hairy man covered in scars.

As the cell doors close the big hairy cell mate says:

“We’re gonna play house! You wanna be the wife or the husband?”

T...

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A large group of first year medical school students filed into a lab...

...during their first week, for the first meeting of their gross anatomy class where they would be examining human cadavers. The professor walked to the front of the room, and addressed the students:

"The most important quality you will need as a physician is unfazability. Nothing can '...

This happened just this evening at the grocery store...

I was in the produce section, and happened to notice a rather striking looking woman. We smiled and went about our business, but as I was picking out my green onions, I saw a flash of light, and the woman screamed.

When I turned around, her entire right arm was engulfed in flames! Luckily the...

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Hitler, Pol pot and George W Bush were...

together in hell sitting around a campfire. They are telling each other stories from the time they were alive and having a great time laughing over the evil things they have done.

As the night goes on, they get into a discussion about who might be the vilest, most evil and most universally ...

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Queen's Infidelities

A king is going to war and he knows his queen has overactive sexual needs... Furthermore, he is skeptical about the loyalty of his four servants.

To find out who will not have sex with the queen, he hides a blade inside the queen's vagina and goes to war.

Immediately after returning, h...

A girl got stung stung by a jellyfish and I peed on it to relieve the pain

She was actually stung six months ago, but in my defense, the scar was still there

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I have three different cigarette burns on my right arm that have never went away.

The first one came from me being incredibly drunk and telling my friends that they could burn me with it if they wanted because “mama didn’t raise no bitch”

The second one was from being really drunk a different time and my friends telling me that I was afraid to get burned with a cigarette a...

Meeting the Friend's Blonde Girlfriend

A man is introducing himself to his friend's new girlfriend who happens to be a blonde.

As he reaches out to shake her hand, his friend notices a nasty scar on his forearm.

Jokingly, his friend points and says, "what happened? Failed suicide attempt?"

The man laughs it off and ...

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Timmy and Sally were at a school dance.......

At the dance Timmy and Sally sat on opposites sides of the hall. Timmy with the boys and Sally with the girls.

They were both born with genetic disorders.

* Timmy was born without a left eye but he wore a wooden prosthetic in its place.
* Sally was born with a cleft palate, the corr...

The oldest job in the world

A surgeon,gardener and electrician sitting in a bar talking about the worlds oldest job.

The Surgeon laughed and said: “HAH! Ofcourse surgeon is the oldest job in the world who else removed the rib from adams body for god to create eve! He doesn’t even have a scar from it!”

Then the Ga...

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A Queen and a King exist peacefully.

The King needed to travel to a far away kingdom for business, leaving the Queen alone, he put 10 guards in charge of protecting her, and as a precaution, he slid a blade in the inside of her vagina, to make anyone that sleeps with her while his out regret it, after the long travel he comes back and ...

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A man is processed for his first day in prison...

He's a nice man that made poor choices. Upon entering his cell, he's greeted by a massive, beast of a man with face tattoos and scars.

The beast-man looks his new cell mate up and down and finally says, "Let's play house. Do you want to be the Mommy or the Daddy?"

The new inmate adjus...

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a guy goes to a bar...

... and after an hour, this smoking hot blonde approaches him. he offers her a drink, and they talk for a bit.

eventually she says, "i haven't had a dick for two weeks, you wanna go back to your place?" the guy is thrilled as they venture back to his apartment. the guy cannot believe his luck...

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Big Jake

It's a quiet day in the salloon when a cowboy runs in. With a panicked look on his face, he says, "Everybody run, I just got word that Big Jake is comin' to town!".

The bartender, who's new in town, is shocked to see everybody get up and run out. He grabs a patron by the bar and asks, "What' ...

There's a group of people who say they for years they've adored these three sunflowers growing together...

...and then three sunflowers which looked the same and just as beautiful were planted next to them but did not grow very tall. Purely because of this, the people insisted and raged that the new sunflowers were an abomination that totally destroyed the beauty and awe of the three tall sunflowers perm...

At my friend's house, her dad told us these jokes called "Mama mama jokes." I expected old fashioned "Yo' mama" jokes. I got these.

Mama, Mama, I don't like little brother!

Shut up and eat what you're told.

Mama, Mama, I don't want to go to Hawaii!

Shut up and keep swimming.

Mama, Mama, I don't like going in circles!

Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!

Honestly, I'm scarre...

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Girlfriend: "Why do you have a photo of this hairy, tattooed, scarred butt on your computer?" [nsfw]

Me: "You found it... You found the Pirate's Booty."

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A man walks into a bar...

Shadily dressed in a trench coat with the collar pulled up and a fedora pulled down over his face. A livid scar runs down his cheek, and his two tone shoes are dangerously polished. In his hands he's carrying an accordion case. The bar falls completely silent. All of the patrons turn pale and freeze...

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Bill comes across a very attractive woman in his new apartment

He smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him.

As they talk, her robe slips open and it's quite obvious that she has nothing on under the robe. Poor Bill breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she places her hand on his arm and s...

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King and Horny queen

Medieval time story, there used to be a king who was always out of the palace fighting enemies. Queen used to get horny in the absence of king and started having nonstop sex with courtiers and soldiers of palace.

Soon this became a habit for queen so much that she started having affairs even...

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An oldie, but a goodie. [NSFW] [Long]

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar filled with $100 bills lying on the counter. From the looks of it, there's at least ten grand in the jar. He asks the bartender about it. "It's part of a bet we've got going on," the bartender tells him. "You place $100 in the jar, and then you have to complete ...

It was their wedding night. . .

And the inexperienced couple had never undressed in front of each other. As the new groom slipped off his shoes and socks, his bride couldn't help but notice how terribly deformed his feet were.

"My goodness, Dear, whatever happened to your feet"

"Well, my love, I never mentioned this...

Little jimmys mom told him that if he ever did a bad thing as punishment he would turn to stone....

One day jimmy went down to the pond with him friend Billy to fish when they saw a beautiful woman naked swimming in the pond the two kids watched in awe when suddenly jimmy ran away scarred

Jimmy ran home to his mom crying saying "sorry I did a bad thing!" "What did you do asked jimmy's mom?...

REQUEST: Burn victim jokes to keep my little sister happy because she accidentaly splashed a few drops of oil on her face

She's completely fine, in case anyone asks, but she has a few burn marks on her face. Doctor says itll take a few weeks to heal though and will probably scar. Just need some dark humor to cheer her up.

If this isn't the correct subreddit for this can someone direct me to one?

My wife said she is divorcing me if I don’t quit making Red Hot Chili Peppers puns.

I assured her “We could put this all under the bridge and I would see her on the other side of it. Although I used to think I can’t stop I will because I don’t want her getting scar tissue emotionally. By the way, what’s for dinner?”

Anyway, she’s leaving me.

A man walks into a hunting store

One day a man walked into a sporting goods store looking to buy a rifle. The man had never been hunting before and asked the clerk if he could recommend a rifle.

"Oh yes," the clerk said. "I'm not a very good shot but I've done quite a lot of hunting in my day, even did some big game hunting...

How many Catholics does it take to mentally scar a child for life?

Nun.

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If emotional scars were visible...

Porn would be disgusting

Me: You wanna know how I got these scars??

Batman: no, not really...

Me: *slamming my fist on the table* ACNE !

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My sex life is like being struck by lightning.

I never thought it would happen, but when it did, it was shocking and left me a huge scar.

Do you like my scar?

I made it from scratch.

There's only one rule in heaven

Three friends, Ted, Ned, and Fred, get killed in a car crash. They arrive all three together at the pearly gates and are excited that they will be let in, but St. Peter warns them, "There is only one rule in heaven, you must NOT step on the ducks, or you will suffer for eternity." The three friends ...

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A middle aged man is turning 40 and he's feeling severely depressed,

so he decides he'll treat himself to a prostitute. He and his companion for the evening retire to a motel room and he sits down on the side of the bed. The john starts untying his shoes and eventually slips off his socks.

In utter shock, the lady of the night gasps and says "What the fuck is ...

What do Taylor Swift and Avada Kedavra have in common?

They'll leave you breathless or with a nasty scar.

A pig with a wooden leg and his owner walk into a bar.

His owner orders a beer and begins bragging to the bartender about his pig. "See that scar on his head? He got that rescuing me from a fire," says the guy. "And see that he's only got one eye? He lost the other one saving 17 people from dying in a bus crash." "So what heroic act was he doing when he...

A grandfather takes his grandson hunting for the first time

They are on the look-out when a young deer appears in the middle of the clearing, the little one raises his rifle but his grandfather stops him saying "that one is too young, let's wait a bit more".

They wait, and a magnificent deer in the prime of his years struts into the clearing and the ...

Me: Dad, to be frank your years of neglect towards us has left us scarred for life and incapable of developing sincere and loving relationships

Dad: ...

Me: ...

Dad: HI FRANK!!!

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Finishing up in a public bathroom...

Steve is alone in the men's room, finishing up and about to leave. A stranger walks in with no arms. The armless stranger looks at Steve sadly, nods down towards his own pants and says, "Sir, can you please help me." Steve sighs, but decides to be nice and maybe pick up some karma along the way.
...

Blonde Logic

Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Highway Patrol.
The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all wanna be cops, huh?"
The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder.
...

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A cowboy comes out of a cafe and sees that someone has painted his horse's balls red.

A cowboy just won first place in a rodeo in a small western town. So proud of his horse was he that he rode him to the neighborhood saloon. After tying the horse to a post, he went inside for a couple of brews.

When he came out of the bar a few hours later, he noticed that someone had painte...

A young kid asked a question

A young kid asked his parents one how he was made.

The parents ,not wanting to scar him, replied that he was delivered by a stork

Later on in his room the child started on his paper and it read

“Today I learned that I am the only person in the entire world not born regularly”

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A long bar joke

A man walks into a bar. Orders a beer. The bartender asks him: "You look like a tough man, and we have three challenges for men like you, if you make it, you'll get free drinks til the day you die." - "Sounds interesting, what do I have to do?" -"Aight!", goes the bartender, "#1: you have to shotgun...

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A women in the alley tells the man passing for 1 dollar I'll give you the time of your life

He agrees and pays a dollar and begins to fuck her in the alley, it's awful he hates it and tells her just that she says " for one more dollar I promise you it will be the best of your life" he agrees and gives her a dollar she steps away for a moment and they begin again. He loves it it's the best ...

I'm an experienced and seasoned driver

You should see my car's battle scars.

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In a remote village

In a remote village they had an old tradition: the newly weds would participate in a competition where the brides would recognize their husbands from their penises exposed through a glory hole. Three newly weds get ready, but one guy is terribly embarrassed about the size of his penis. He confesses ...

What would JOKER say if he had Alzheimer?

"Do you know how I got these scars?"

Why doesn't Achilles have any scars?

His wounds always heel.

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Grandfather, Grandmother and grandson are in the farm

Grandfather, Grandmother and grandson are in the farm. Granddad is cutting the wood with an axe and Grandson is helping Grandma to sort the harvested corn. Suddenly a strong breeze blows up the grandma’s skirt. Unfortunately, she was not wearing underwear and kid saw everything. After couple seconds...

Who am I?

Who am I?

* My father's name is Joseph.
* I have done many things to make my father happy.
* I am well known throughout the entire world and I am a common household name.
* There is a walk I am very famous for.
* Although I have siblings, many people are not familiar with them....

Little Johny comes home one day...

Little Johny came home from school one day, and while walking down the hall to his room, happened to look into his parent's room. He saw his mom laying on the bed with dad on top, going at it. At that moment, his dad looked over, and gave a little half grin to Little Johny all while going at it hard...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy is buying his first motorcycle

His mother is mortified that after saving up all through highschool he's going to risk his life and
buy a motorcycle in college. She asks him why he wants to ride and he replies "Because it's cool,
I'm an adult now, I want to feel free for once in my life"

His mum took that to heart. S...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Peculiar Contest

A frenchman, an american, and an arab [NOTE: this isn't racist, you can just paste any nationality whatsoever. However, the joke works best with these three] walk into a bar and come up with a contest to see who's better.

The contest rules: you must kill a bear and have sex with an old lady ...

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