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Sausages Jokes

I just ran over some sausages

Those brats never saw it coming

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“Susie asks, “Mommy, why do you always cut the ends off the sausages before you put them in the skillet?”

“Oh, that’s just the way my mother always did it. You’ll have to ask her.”
“Granny”, asks Susie the next time her grandmother visits. “Why do you and mommy always cut the ends off the sausages before you put them in the skillet?” “Oh, that’s just the way my mother always did it. “You’ll have to...

How to cook sausages

Once upon a time there was a little girl and one day her mommy decided it was time for her to learn how to cook sausages.


So she explains, slowly and patiently:


"You cut off the ends of the sausages, put a non-stick pan over a medium heat, and then add the sausages. Keep co...

Breaking news: Germany is advising people to stock up on sausages and cheese.

This is starting to look like the Wurst Käse scenario.

I think I’ve developed a phobia of German sausages

I keep on fearing the wurst

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Was having dinner with the in-laws and my MIL said …. ….’How many sausages would you like?’

I said ‘Ooh, I’ll just have one please.’

She said ‘It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.’

‘Alright,’ I said, ‘I’ll just have one then, you stupid fat hairy cunt”

Germans don't have bad sausages..

They have Wurst

Germany is telling its citizens to stock up on sausages and cheese as fear of COVID grows.

It's the wurst-kase scenario

There were 2 sausages in a frying pan.

One sausage says to the other damn it's hot in here! The other sausage says WTF a talking sausage.

“Doctor,” a man told his psychiatrist, “my wife thinks I’m crazy because I like sausages.”

“That’s nonsense,” said the psychiatrist. “I like sausages myself.”

“You do!” the man shrieked. “You should come and see my collection I’ve got thousands!”

Something on our Sausages

THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED TODAY

I had to go to the corner shop to get some bread and ketchup as we ran out yesterday.

I went in got my medium warburtons loaf and the classic bottle of heinz beans and joined the queue.

When I was the second person to the counter the man in front of ...

My butcher has started making sausages from seabirds....

Today he has taken a tern for the wurst.

I went to see the doctor today and he said to me, "Don't eat anything fatty."

I said, "What - no bacon or sausages or burgers or anything?"

He said, "No fatty, just don't eat anything."

I like my puns like I like my sausages...

the wurst ones are the best.

What’s the similarity between pessimists and people with a phobia of sausages?

They both fear the wurst

My little brother is throwing a tantrum because we aren’t having German sausages for dinner

He’s being such a brat

What did the toilet say to the guy who ate a whole package of sausages?

Doo your wurst!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just a friendly reminder to show respect to Ramadan

Yes, yes. I know we all like to have a good laugh about certain things. But Ramadan is a very important and sacred time for Muslims. And as a non-Muslim, I have since learned that we need treat it with some respect.

See, my next door neighbour is a Muslim. Ever since the start of Ramadan, I h...

One day I was cooking some eggs and sausages for breakfast, and one of the sausages got burnt.

I'll never cook naked again.

Going to try and make my own German sausages

What's the wurst that could happen?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some say the best part of having kinky sex with a German girl is getting Vienna sausages shoved up your ass.

Others say it’s the wurst part.

Jokes about German sausages are the wurst

I told this to a friend and he said that he'd never sausage a thing

I've recently developed a paranoia for German sausages.

I feel the wurst is yet to come.

My German relatives brought me endless sausages.

Now I don't know where to start.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An English man meets a Chinese woman in his travels...

They fall in love and live a happy life in England. The woman, however cannot speak in English and has to have her husband translate for her. One day, the man was rather busy and asked his wife to make duck breast. She goes to the butcher but then realizes she doesn't know how to tell him what she w...

My wife wanted to dress up as sausages for Halloween

I first tried to talk her out of it by lying, but I had to be frank further down the conversation.

I don't know why Germans call sausages the Wurst!

I think they are the best!

A man is convinced is wife is going deaf, but she won't admit it. So he decides to test his theory once and for all.

While she's standing at the sink, he stands about six steps behind her and says, "What's for dinner, dear?"

When there's no answer, he steps a few steps closer and repeats the question.

Again there's no response, so he moves right to his wife's shoulder and asks: "What's for dinner, de...

A redneck is selling sausages.

A redneck is selling sausages. A woman walks up to him and places an order.

The woman asks, "Can I have one hot dog please?"

"How would you like your *meat*?"

The redneck gives the woman a wink

The woman replies, "In bread."

She shoots a wink back at him

Sausages are always the worst part of any meal

I'm just really not a fan of weak links.

Did you hear about the German that made sausages for most of his life?

Those were the wurst years.

People love babies and sausages.

But no one want to see how they are made.

Did you know some people get turned on by sausages?

It's the wurst fetish.

Man walks into a library and says to the receptionist “Two sausages please”

The receptionist says “ this is a library sir”
So the man lowers his voice and whispers “sorry , two sausages please”.

Of Dogs and Sausages

America's favorite variety of sausage is called a hot dog.

At elevated temperatures, it's a hot hot dog.

I have a pet canine that really likes to eat these elevated temperature sausages. You might say he's a hot hot dog dog.

He eats them even when he's outside in the summer. On ...

I know a nun who has a tendency to go around wearing a horrible garment made of German sausages

It must be her Wurst Habit

How do you stop sausages from curling in the pan?

You take away their little brooms.

I've just taken my sausages back to the butchers...

There was only a tiny bit of pork in the middle, the left and right sides were just pure breadcrumbs.

The butcher apologised and said that he was suffering financially, business was tough and he was finding it increasingly difficult to make ends meat.

Why can nobody understand sausages when they talk???

Because they speak in tongs.



I'll show myself the door😔

Irish Sausage

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only
raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said "Hang on, I have an idea."

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said "Are ...

I’ve always wanted to create a new font.

The descenders would be little link sausages. They’d be the serifs of knotting ham.

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