UPJOKE
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I read about how in ancient Rome gladiators had a layer of fat to protect them in combat.

I'm gonna start telling people I have the body of a gladiator.

Two Roman gladiators are talking....

The one guy says, "Guess how many women I've slept with?"

The second guy goes, "Mmmm..."

The first dude goes, "Are you serious?! I'd be dead!"

A crocodile is walking to the Roman Colosseum, where a gladiator duel is scheduled to take place.

Along the way, he runs into a serial killer.

The crocodile, being a crocodile, is unconcerned and promptly proceeds to devour her alive before continuing on his merry way to the Roman Colosseum.

He makes it there just fine, and enjoys a gladiatorial match for the ages- a feast for the ...

Me: A cannibal once took my sister to see a Russell Crowe movie

Friend: Gladiator?

Me: No I really miss her.

What do you call a Roman with a hair between his teeth and a smile on his face?

Gladiator

A warrior's job is to fight in wars

A gladiator's job is to make people smile

How did Spartacus feel after a lion ate his wife?

He was gladiator

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How did Spartacus feel after his girlfriend convinced him to try cunnilingus for the first time?

Gladiator.

Spartacus and his wife are enjoying a nice dinner with friends when

Out of nowhere a lion leaps onto the table and swallows his wife whole!

Horrified, his friends shout "Spartacus, your wife was just eaten by a lion! Why didn't you do something?"

Shocked Spartacus says "Do something? I was gladiator."

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A gladiator went into the battlefield with his dick out and came back victorious.

Because the penis mightier than the sword.

A Roman gladiator walks into a bar...

He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers, please!"

Where do skeleton gladiators fight?

In the Calseum.

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The Marvel character Korg is canonically gay.

I’d guess you’d say the other gladiators are hitting rock bottom.

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A barbarian slave in Rome somehow won the attention of Caesar's daughter

They became lovers. To avoid pregnancy, they agreed to oral sex only. After just a few encounters, they were caught in the act. At first the barbarian, imprisoned and sentenced to fight to entertain the crowd, regretted his poor judgment.

Eventually, though, he was gladiator.

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A Gladiator’s Favourite Porn-Category?

Glory holes.

When the gladiators fought lions

it was always the mane event

A well-known American actor is walking through the centre of Newcastle upon Tyne.

Suddenly, a member of the public stops him, and says, "I recognise you from somewhere, are you famous?"

The actor answered, "As a matter of fact, I am. I played Commodus in the movie 'Gladiator.'"

Astonished, the Geordie replied "Are you Joaquin?"

To which Joaquin said "Yes, but...

In ancient Rome, a man was convicted for eating his wife.

The soldiers arrested him and bought him before Caesar.

"Do you have remorse for your heinous crime?" Caeser asked.

The Roman smiled and shook his head. He looked very happy.


Caeser was shocked. He told the guards

"To commit such an act is bad enough but to be happy a...

What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?

IC

Gladiator's Monday

A gladiator was having a rough Monday at the arena.
His opponent had sliced off both of his arms.
Nevertheless, he fought on, kicking and biting as furiously as he could. But when his opponent lopped off both of his feet, the gladiator had no choice but to give up.
He was now both unarmed...

What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?

Nothing, he's gladiator.

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Russell Crowe never really liked performing cunnilingus on a woman but after having tried it for the first time...

he was gladiator.

What is Hannibal Lecter's favorite movie?

Gladiator

Did you hear about Russel Crow's recent problem with cannibalism? At first he expressed shame about consuming a mother of two.

But upon further consideration he was gladiator.

How did the cannibal feel after defeating his girlfriend in the Colosseum?

Well, he was gladiator.



*Defeeting

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A group of fighters from the Roman Colosseum were hired out to rich Romans as prostitutes. One so impressed an influential Roman noble with his oral skills that she began to work on getting him freed.

In the end he was gladiator.

Roman soldier

How did the starving male slave forced to compete in ancient Roman death matches for entertainment feel after cannibalizing the largely portioned female oppressor?

Gladiator.

What do you call a guy who finds out a one night stand got pregnant, but is relieved to remember that they only did oral?

Gladiator.

Russell Crowe showed no remorse after cannibalising his wife.

In fact, he seemed like he was Gladiator.

He was such a brutal fighter that, after slaying the tigress in the arena, he proceeded to devour her flesh. And he felt no remorse.

He was Gladiator.

What did the first century Christian say about the lion that killed his wife?

I'm Gladiator.

Have you heard about the Roman cannibalism trial?

They asked the defendant if he was sorry for his crimes. He said no, he was gladiator.

Did you hear about the Roman arena combatant who was caught canabilizing a woman?

Showed no remorse, he was gladiator.

At first the Roman warrior felt remorse for devouring his wife, but in the end...

He was Gladiator.

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Picture the scene, it is 1915 and the Great War is raging in Europe.

The war brought forward many brave fighting units and among those there were none so brave as the aviators of the French Flying Corps. Every weekend these modern day gladiators would fly to Paris and install themselves in the Grand Hotel. The locals, particularly the young ladies, would be desperate...

What's a cannibal's favourite movie?

Gladiator

Did you hear about the roman fighter who ate his mother in law?

Terrible indigestion but he was gladiator.

What's the difference between Spartacus and Hannibal Lector

One of them's a gladiator, and the other is glad he ate her!

Hey, have you heard about....

A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.

What did Russell Crowe say when he went down on his girlfriend?

I don't know, but he was Gladiator

What do you call a Roman warrior with hair in his mouth?

Gladiator

Get it? Glad He Ate Her..

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I was with this girl...

So I was with this girl for a little while. The relationship seemed like it was going well. We went everywhere and did everything together. Then one day, out of nowhere, she decides the relationship “isn’t healthy” for her! She just casts me aside like I’m nothing. I was devastated.

I ran i...

What did Russell Crowe say when he found out that his ex-wife was eaten by a cannibal?

I'm gladiator.

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