What sort of fact does a Historian and a Painter enjoy?

An ARTY-Fact

I had a heated discussion with an art historian yesterday

We disagreed on whether I ordered curly fries or mozzarella sticks with my burger

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An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician...

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any ...

A historian, a journalist, and a political scientist walk into a bar on January 23, 1993...

[Citation Needed]

Historians have proved that people with every zodiac sign survived the sinking of the Titanic...

Except Leo

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Historians are now generally agreed

that Romulus was a real son of a bitch.

My friend Victor is a historian

He invited me to a party at his house and started introducing me to all his colleagues.
“This is Victor, he’s a historian of the renaissance. The guy next to him is Victor Jr, he’s a historian of ancient Egypt. And those two guys over there are Victor and Victor, they are doing great work on Mes...

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Future historians will have difficulties studying about our pornstars

because we delete them from our history.

I was once a historian.

Until I realized there was no future in it.

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My historian friend was telling me about how the Japanese would kamikaze when all else failed.

That's just plane suicide

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A historian goes to Mexico to do research on Pancho Villa.

After a few weeks of going from village to village, getting 3rd and 4th hand stories, he meets a man who tells him, "Go talk to the old man at the end of the road. He knew Pancho Villa."

So the historian goes to meet the old man, who is well over 100 years old. He asks the old man, "I underst...

Why are women good historians

Because they know their periods

For the question "Is the glass half empty or half full?" someone was the first person to say the glass is half full. While their name is forever lost, historians, theoligans and philosophers shall refer to them as...

Optimist Prime.

TIL the American flag on the moon is now bleached completely white by the sun so historians and/or other species would never know it was America that first landed on the moon

They'll think it was France

If my name was Victor, I’d become a historian.

Because history is written by the victors.

Why did the single man want to become a historian

So he'd always be dating!

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Historians are torn as to whether or not Hitler had a favorite date

Some say that he vehemently denied having one

while others say it was 9/9/99

I’m not having much luck with jobs lately.

I couldn’t concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn’t suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn’t cut it as barber; didn’t have the patience to be a doctor; didn’t fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn’t see any future as a his...

Historians have discovered that human rights activist Malcolm X was actually just called Malcolm

He was rather affectionate at the end of his text messages.

What do Vietnamese historians and Southern rednecks have in common?

They both care way too much about the Đức Dynasty.

Did you know that ancient Greeks would shave their heads before the Olympics to run faster?

Modern historians call it balderdash.

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Actual joke told during WW II according to comedian & historian David Schneider

A Jew is walking along a farm road and Hitler comes along driving a car. He sees the Jew and points a gun at him, ordering him to eat some cow shit in the field. So the Jew gets down on all fours and eats the cow shit. Hitler laughs so hard he drops the gun. The Jew grabs the gun and points it a...

When ISIS is finally destroyed...

Historians should start referring to it as "WASWAS".

Literary historians recently found a Briton recipe for a citrus-based sauce translated by Samuel Taylor Coleridge

It was called the 'Lime of the Ancient Marinade'

My girlfriend must want to be a historian.

Because shes always bringing up the past

A historian and an economist are sitting on the porch of a nudist colony...

The historian asks, "Have you read Marx?"

The economist replies, "Yes, I think it's the wicker chairs."

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Why do historians say Hitler was a great mathematician?

He could always find the final solution

How do historians know that Joseph wasn't Jesus' dad?

Because when you're a carpenter in the desert you can't get wood.

Why did prostitues in 330 BCE hate Plato?

Historians have found that this uproar was due to his teachings being too Thot-provoking

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Two historians are discussing about the Holocaust

\- The holocaust wasn't that bad; says one of them.

\- Are you out of your mind?; the other one replies.

\- What if I were to kill 6 million Jews and one actress?

\- But why the actress?

\- See, nobody ever cares about the Jews.

Historians have discovered more information about the Ancient Greek hero, Bophades

According to Ancient Greek mythology, Bophades was a powerful hero, much like Achilles. In fact, the two heroes are very similar. Achilles had a weakness in his heels, and historians have now discovered that Bophades had a weakness in his groin. Many people have heard of Achilles's heel, but have yo...

In the year 2045 Elon is tired of importing ice-cream from Earth to the Martian colonies.

The next day he puts a group of dairy cows on a rocket to Mars.

But inter-planetary customs officers make him hold the rocket in orbit while they inspect the cows. Earth leaders don't want to lose the tax revenue from exporting ice-cream and are looking for a reason to reposes his cattle. ...

In a interview, my boss asked me, "Why do you think you should work here?"

I said, "My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned ... couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

I then tried crushing cans for recycling, but I quit because it was soda-pressing....

What a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet?

None of them. Historians suggest that most pirates would have been illiterate.

My Jobs—

I became a Velcro salesman, but I couldn't stick with it. I tried my hand at a career in tennis, but it wasn't my racket—I was too high strung. I was a masseur for a while, but I rubbed people the wrong way. I got a job at a pool company, but the work was too draining. I was a historian, but I could...

Several epidemics throughout history have many similarities in characteristics.

For example, many diseases evolved from poor hygiene between animals and humans and a rise in urban population and interregional communication. Many had very similar effects and modes of transmission.

Because of the similarities, many historians are looking into allegations of these diseases ...

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The fighting needs to stop

An archaeologist and 2 historians are sitting next to each other on a plane. The archaeologist took off his shoes. One of the historians asks the archaeologist to get him a coke. He says yes and when he gets up the historian spits in his shoe. When the archaeologist got back the other historian ask...

The American flag that was planted on the moon has turned white due to solar radiation.

Now future historians will think the French got there first.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side is the most common answer, however this answer leaves a great deal of room for interpretation. As noted historian and sociologist Ian Ormwell stated, "A joke cannot be taken at face value; all jests are subjective in their appearance and impact." Contrasting this view, the p...

Wars in the Iberian Peninsula

Having forged a marriage alliance, the kingdoms of Castille and Aragon formed Spain, a united Catholic front to drive the Moors outside of Iberia.

One of the more important battles in the subsequent Reconquista was the siege of Cordoba. Though historians debate what exact tactics the command...

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A man's entire family was killed by a masked dolphin...

He set off on a quest for vengeance. He searched high and low for the identity of the masked dolphin. He traveled the world, asking dolphin Gurus and dolphin historians. He searched for ten years before he found his first clue.

In a shallow pool at the top of a tall mountain he found a dolphi...

There have been few historical examples of wars with three opposing sides.

One such example occurred in the 11th century, with the three belligerents being the French, the English (Anglos) and the Vikings. The rivalry between each group was quite intense, and unlike other situations, the two weaker groups at the time did not join together to fight the strongest. Instead, t...

Worlds oldest joke (found on r/AskHistorians)

See https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/1e5qdi/the_worlds_oldest_jokes/

> Thus far the oldest joke that we have been able to identify by this definition is an old Sumerian saying from ~1900 BCE that is translated as follows: "Something which has never occurred since time immemo...

Curing childhood obesity is easy.

As simple as taking candy from a baby.

^thank ^you ^[u/HelpdeskHistorian](http://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/2gru5q/childhood_obesity_can_literally_be_cured_by/)

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