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Protected Jokes

All my passwords are protected

by amnesia.

Starting a tour to see all of the area protected wines in France.

I call it the Appellation Trail

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you have protected sex for 365 days straight, then melt the condoms down and mold a tire from them, what would you call it?

A Fucking GoodYear.

A hunter kills and eats a bald eagle, and is arrested for violating the Endangered Species Act. He pleads guilty, and throws himself on the mercy of the court.

"Your Honor," the hunter said, "I had no idea that it was illegal to kill and eat a bald eagle. If you let me go, I'll never do it again."

"You've committed a very serious crime," the judge replies. "But you clearly weren't aware of the law, so I'm willing to overlook it this one time. How...

A kid walks into a church and has food protected by god

A kid walks into a church and there is a table with 2 baskets. The first basket contained apples, and the other basket contained muffins with a sign on top of the basket: take only 1 muffin, God is watching you. The kid goes away and comes back 30 minutes later with a sign. He puts it on top of the ...

I think elephants are over protected

But that's easy to say from my ivory tower

I've protected my laptop by placing several alcoholic fruity beverages on top of it.

I guess I misunderstood when people told me to focus on cider security.

Apparently women like tall men as it makes them feel protected.

That's probably why men like thin women, so they can see predators sneaking up behind the women.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Warning - Sexist joke: Women like strong muscular men because on a primal level those men make them feel protected.......

From having to pay for anything on their own.

A guy is out hunting and sees a hawk flying high above him, so he shoots it. As he's retrieving the dead bird a game warden happens by and arrests him for killing a federally protected bird of prey.

At the courtroom, the man tells the judge he's been out of work for many months and only shot the hawk because he hadn't eaten in days. The judge decides to let him off with 6 months probation.

As the guy is leaving the judge says, "hey, what does hawk taste like anyway?"

The guy say...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On finding his bride to be a virgin, a newly wedded groom is overjoyed and says, "I wanna kiss the one who took care of you and protected your virginity for me".

Bride: Kiss my ass.

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