Did you know that Chewbacca's brother Pannubacca died when Princess Leia's home planet was destroyed?

Pannub, as his friends called him, had never had much luck with the ladies and was horribly shy due to his terribly crooked teeth. After years of loneliness Pannub decided to do something about his problem and flew to Leia's planet, which everyone knows was well known for their excellent orthodontis...

So my father died while trying to destroy his old mahogany table, apparently a piece of it split off and killed him.

It was a counter attack.

Planet Vegeta should've never been destroyed

I'm just Saiyan

Did you hear about that colony that got destroyed by the tornadoes?

It was very unsettling.

What is a naval destroyer?

A hula hoop with a nail in it.

What four words can completely destroy a man's confidence?

Is it in yet?

A man got arrested for destroying all of the clocks in his neighborhood.

When he was asked why he did such a thing the man replied:
I just wanted to kill some time.

I would never get on a plane with Ben Shapiro

He would try to destroy the left wing.

An older man is finally able to leave the Soviet Union in the late 1980s for the first time in his life.

His wife and son have already left and settled in the States, and he's finally able to go and join them.

On his way out through the Soviet border, the guard looks through his luggage and finds a bust of Lenin.

"What is this?" he asks.

"Don't ask me *what* this is, ask me *who* ...

I went on a couple of dates last week at the local supermarket.

The grocer was outraged, and said I destroyed his fruits.

4 rabbis were golfing...

Four rabbis had a tradition of spending a day each week golfing and discussing theology between holes. Very often they would argue, with three of them taking one side and eventually arguing the fourth one down.

One day, though, the fourth rabbi simply would not budge on his point - he swore h...

There has been a devastating fire in russian president Putin's presidential library

Both books were destroyed!

But even worse is that he only finished coloring one of them!

Transcripts of radio conversations of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision

Canadians: Negative. Divert your course 15 degrees to the South

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy sh...

I made a Salad for 23 people to destroy

It was a Caesar salad

In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah and said:

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending...

Three old men are lounging in chairs on the beach in the French Riviera.

One of them says, "I had a business but it burned to the ground. With the insurance money I was able to retire here."

Another said, "Well that's a coincidence. I had a business that had a gas leak and blew up and the insurance money allowed me to retire here."

The third guy said, "You'...

My grandfather destroyed over a hundred German planes during WW2

He was the worst mechanic in the German Airforce.

A man is dragged in front of Putin by a soldier

Putin asks the solider "What did he do?"

The soldier answered that the man went into Moscow square and shouted that he didn't like the stupid halfwit leader who caused war to break out, let his army get defeated with expensive military equipment being captured by a bunch of peasants, destroye...

A Ukranian farmer was out plowing his field when his plow hit a shiny object.

A Ukranian farmer was out plowing his field when his plow hit a shiny object. The farmer stops, picks up the object, and realizes that it's a tarnished lamp. As he's rubbing his hands across it to clear away the dust and dirt, a genie appears. The genie says "Thank you Mr. Farmer for releasing me...

My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.

Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.

Genie in the bottle

A Ukrainian named Boyko finds a magical lantern.

He rubs it and a genie pops out.

Genie: Thank you for freeing me from my prison. I grant you three wishes

After some contemplation Boyko says, I want the Chinese People’s Liberation Army to invade Ukraine with devastating power...

Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the disaster was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smouldering in a tree line that bordered a farm.

The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but did not find the remains of anyone, including the President. They spotted a lone farmer ploughing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor.

"Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of...

My grandfather destroyed almost a hundred aircraft in World War Two!

He must have been the worst mechanic in the Luftwaffe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Horse Joke (long)

So there are two racehorses.

A young racehorse and an old racehorse.

The young racehorse is about to run his first race and the old racehorse is undefeated going into his last race.

The old racehorse goes over to the young racehorse and says "Hey, you're a really fast runner. Y...

If you dressed up like a rodeo clown, broke into the capitol, and tried to destroy the democracy of the United States

You might be a redneck

Villager 1: Flee for your lives! The mad scientist in the castle turned a tiny lizard into a monster that's destroying everything in its path!

Villager 2: Meh, why bother. We're doomed from the gecko.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend."

Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."

Atoms can't actually touch. We're all made of atoms and all mater is atoms which can neither be created or destroyed.

so to answer your question, no officer I did not punch that child

What do you call it when the White House is destroyed?

D.C.-eased

The male bees were unhappy with their lot ...

So they decided to stop fertilizing the Queen. They had the usual demands: larger honey rations, shorter hours, etc. The worker bees tried to negotiate, but it was too late, and the hive never recovered. Thus it became the first beehive destroyed in a drone strike.

I am sick of this Chinese-made virus destroying society!

Tik-Tok has got to go!

Recently my rug got destroyed due to multiple explosions.

I guess you could call it a carpet bombing.

Chic and Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five are plotting to destroy the world, and so former arch-enemies the Village People and the Beastie Boys put aside their differences to stop them

The slaughter is brutal and extremely exciting to watch, but finally, it ends in a showdown: Nile Rogers and Grandmaster Flash, laughing as they square up to the last surviving Beastie Boy and the last surviving Village Person.

He straightens his hard hat, draws his sword and charges at Nile ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve become the very thing I sought to destroy.

A pussy.

Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now.

And there’s notre dame thing they can do about it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you guys hear the one about where a donkey got into a hat store destroying all the hats and the cops had to come and kill it?

It was pretty crazy, dead ass no cap.

If Donald Trump wants to destroy North Korea...

Perhaps he should move there and become their leader.

The forest animals were concerned that their habitat was being destroyed by logging, so they consulted the oldest wisest tree in the middle of the forest to ask what they could do to save it.

The wise old tree thought about it and said "Perhaps the bears can scare the loggers away.” The bears snarled and charged the loggers to scare them.

It worked initially, but then the loggers hired hunters and soon there were no bears left to scare anyone.

The logging resumed and the fo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The animals hear that the world is going to end

So, the Lion, as their king, calls an official meeting of all animals.

“We have only 10 days until everything as we know it is destroyed. Nothing matters anymore. Let’s just all have sex with each other and go out with a bang.”

The antelope flicks and ear to ask a question: “What about...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A shipwrecked Scotsman is rescued by a Royal Navy destroyer

...he is taken to the sick bay where a beautiful young nurse is waiting.

"Our Captain wanted me to tell that he is from Aberdeen and wants his countryman to be receive the best of care. How long has it been since you had a drink of Whisky?"

"Five long years my dear." The Scotsman rep...

A joke my Polish friend loved.

[Full of errors I'm sure. On to the brilliant joke.]

A polish farmeris tilling his field. It's another beautiful spring day when suddenly his plough hits something. Upon inspection he sees that it's some sort of golden lamp. He dusts it off and a genie comes out of it and says to the humble p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God asks a guy, would you set in motion a chain of events that will lead to the whole visible universe being destroyed in 1 million years, for 1 trillion dollars? Guy says yes thats alot of money and I've got to live for today.

God pulls out a mountain of cash and swims in it and says, then you'll understand what I did 999,999 years ago.

A Rabbi And A Priest Get Into A Huge Car Accident

After both of them crawl out of their cars, the rabbi looks and the priest and says:

"Look at that! Both of our cars are completely demolished, and yet here we are alive and well! This must be a sign from God that we should become good friends!"

The Priest, looking at the total wrecka...

A bloke was sentenced to life imprisonment for murder and the judge also ordered him to have his hearing destroyed.

I thought it was a bit harsh to be honest, life imprisonment and the deaf penalty

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor gave me 6 months, so I shot him.

## The judge gave me 60 years!


 

 

 


### My (other) favorite one liners:

1. I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can remember.

1. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff.

1. French tanks have five rever...

U.S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans rowing towards Texas. The Captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts:

“Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?"

One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, "Gringo, we are invading the United States of
America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800's."

The entire crew on the destroyer doubles over in laughter....

How fast was Thor’s hammer destroyed?

Hela Fast.

The Empire was finally successful with destroying The Force

All they had to do was vaccinate for midichlorians

When ISIS is finally destroyed...

Historians should start referring to it as "WASWAS".

Did you hear about the guy who broke all of Usain Bolt's records?

Completely destroyed his precious vinyl collection.

My fence has been destroyed

Looking to replace it but the people at r/repost have terrible advice

My father, who as a child loved baseball, once told me about a time that his dad broke his favorite baseball bat in half because he came home late one night.

When I was younger, and I loved video games, my dad smashed my Playstation after he found a pack of cigarettes in my room. Now, as a father myself, I told myself I'd never do this to *my* son. My son loves BMX and wants to be in the X-Games. Last night I caught him using my credit card to gamble onl...

Why is a destroyed entrance cute?

Because it's a-door-rubble.

On meeting Donald Trump, Kim Jon Un says “I will destroy America...”

Trump replies, “No way, that’s my job. I won’t have another asian stealing an American job.”

Aliens: "We've come to destroy the Earth."

Greta: "It's a bit late, right?"

I use Twitter a lot and my wife complained that my life revolving around Twitter has destroyed the way we communicate as a family.

So I blocked her.

Injustices make me very mad: My grandfather destroyed a German Airplane and nobody ever thanked him

Actually they kicked him out of the museum

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Nsfw)Went to pornhub the other day there was a lot of videos titled "bbc destroys teen"...

I don't know why the British Broadcasting Corporation is destroying the lives of teens..but I for one think it shows lack of journalistic integrity.

Name’s Juan

Names Juan. A few years ago I’d been living with my girlfriend in her apartment. I’ve been into video games since I was a kid and never took a real interest in learning practical things like how to hit a nail with a hammer. Girlfriend and I met in college and since graduating and moving in together ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong-un of North Korea has said he's going to destroy America

So Trump was livid saying "That's MY job, and I'm not going to just stand by and see an Asian snatch away another American job."

Architects call a layer of bricks a wythe. After the Great Fire of London, where thousands of wooden buildings were destroyed, King Henry VIII passed a law that the walls of all new buildings must be made of at least six layers of brick.

This is known as the six wythes of Henry the Eighth.

Dave was getting robbed in the desert

He gave the robber his money and asked the robber to shoot a few bullets in his hat to make it believable to his wife that he was robbed.

He then asked, "Shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not look like a coward".

After the robber ...

A billionaire buys an elephant

Two billionaire friends meet. After a casual conversation, one of them finally asks: So, how's your home life?

The other answers: Couldn't be better! I bought an elephant!

The other guy looks at him astonished: An elephant? Have you gone mad?

The guy replies, smiling: Oh, man, ...

A man horse walks into a bar.The bartender says why the long face

The horse says my life has been destroyed by my alcohol addiction and ketamine addiction

My comrades were destroying the brick factory.

I said "Stop, we need the bricks!"

They replied, "That's why we're demolishing it."

Ben Shapiro dies in a plane crash. Wanna know why it crashes?

LEFT WING DESTROYED

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Royal Newspaper

The King and Queen decided to get pets, so the King issued a decree: "Handsome reward for finest Royal pets."

The Queen immediately falls in love with a white, long haired kitten, bred in a faraway land. After payment, the kitten disappears and the distraught Queen sends the entire staff to l...

Somebody told me there's an invasive species of giant frogs destroying local populations all across North America...

... What a bunch of bull.

The Eternals are the most powerful beings in the Marvel universe

They were the only team powerful enough to destroy the franchise

I reached into the washing machine to find my favorite shirt destroyed. It looks like it was murdered.

It was a casual T.

I was going to make a joke about destroying energy

but it doesn't matter

Did you hear about the heavy metal band that started a huge protest but without shouting or talking? They ended up destroying a bunch of property, though...

It was a quiet riot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandad was a WWII veteran. In just one day during the Battle of Britain, he destroyed 8 German aircraft killing a total of 32 Nazi aviators.

He was easily the worst aircraft mechanic the Luftwaffe has ever had.

I traveled to London this year to take part in Europe's largest chess tournament and was destroyed in the first round by this European guy with an odd accent. I waited until the end of the game to ask him about where he was from and what kind of accent he had...

He responded: "Czech, mate!"

Some rioters just destroyed a Vietnamese restaurant.

Must've been anti-pho.

So if the big bang happended 13.8 billions years and matter cannot be created nor destroyed and our bodies are made out of matter, that means that out bodies are 13.8 billion years old

So in conclusion officer, yes she was old enough

I feel like Reddit is gonna destroy the world.

Karmageddon is approaching.

A tree fell and destroyed a quarter of my roof yesterday.

oof

March hasn't quite destroyed the world.

No, but April May.

My doctor sucks. He said if I don't lay off the soda and red meat, I'll destroy my kidneys.

All that education and he can't even tell the difference between kid knees and adult knees.

Hope You Get a Laugh

Three elderly men were relaxing on the beach in Florida.

One said “I owned a factory in New York state. One winter, the heat didn’t come on, the pipes froze and got water everywhere, and everything was ruined. I decided I was too old to start over, so I took the insurance money, sold the plac...

I live in a non-legal state and I recently found a little baggie of weed in the parking lot outside my workplace. Since drugs are illegal and I am a good and responsible citizen, I immediately took the bag home and destroyed the weed

... in a series of small fires.

Why do aliens refuse to destroy churches in movies?

Because the Davis Entertainment Company still owns the right to Alien vs Predator

What did the beaver find after his home was destroyed by a flood?

Not a dam thing.

Last night rioters destroyed the famous Etampes Cheese Market in Paris

All that was left was de-Brie

Creating a drug that destroys mitochondria...

is a waste of energy

Happy Halloween

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Boy the Halloween vandals and pranksters hit my neighborhood hard already. They destroyed a bunch of street signs," he tells the bartender. "They really pulled out all the stops."

What will the ISIS be called when we eventually destroy them?

WASWAS.

My group of friends and I were getting completely destroyed at a game of charades

These deaf people must be cheating or something

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Since it's Destroy Dick December,

we're gonna have a really white christmas.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Animals built an outhouse

Forest animals decided, that they don't like stepping on crap every day, so they got together and built an outhouse.

Everything was great and forest floor was much cleaner after that. But one day, they found out, that window on the outhouse was broken. So they held a meeting, where they were ...

I had a brilliant plan to cover my neighbor's farm in plastic to destroy his business, but when I returned from the store with the cellophane, he had already enveloped my farm entirely with Reynolds wrap.

It seems my plot was foiled.

Is it ignorance or apathy that is destroying the world today?

I don’t know, and I don’t really care,

What's the Mummy's plan to destroy Superman?

He's going to lure him into the crypt tonight.

The last time a group of New Englanders destroyed Atlanta this badly

Sherman marched to the sea

Did you hear about the archeologist who accidentally destroyed his dig site?

His career is in ruins.

North Korean submarine accidentally destroys another North Korean submarine

Woops, wrong sub

Did you hear about the guy destroying snacks at the grocery store?

He's on the registered Chex offender list now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there is this scientist right? And the dudes a fuckin genius. I’m talking different dimension destroying genius aight.

But this guy, THIS FUCKIN GUY, decides “eh, fuck it I’m bored” and he turns himself into the most outrageous thing! Smartass dude turns himself into a pickle! A FUCKIN PICKLE. Funniest shit I’ve ever seen.

A woman has a failing marriage, and she feels bad about it.

Her husband won't listen to her or acknowledge her, or anything. All he does is sit on the couch watching football and waiting for meals. The woman decides to go to the pet store to find a pet.

At the store, she sees all sorts of animals, such as fish, dogs, cats, parrots, and even a horse. S...

It was foreseeable that Jeff Bezos would destroy his marriage

After all, marriage is a sort of union.

Annoying Mole

Mary looks out her kitchen window and sees that a mole has practically destroyed the back lawn, so she tells her husband, Paddy, to go out and kill it and to show no mercy. After ten minutes, Paddy comes back into the house with an evil grin on his face.

"So," says Mary, "did you drown the fe...

A garden gnome is busy destroying plants when suddenly a house cat appears.

“What are you?” asks the cat. “I’m a gnome. I steal food from humans. I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, are you?” The cat thinks for a moment and says, “I guess i’m a gnome.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It can take years to build a great relationship but only seconds to destroy it with the wrong words.

e.g. "Sarah, I'm gay"

What did the sailor say to the sea monster before it destroyed his ship?

"What's Kraken?

Fidel Castro said he wouldn't die until America was destroyed.

Well, looks like he died 17 days after.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why Would She Destroy 100 years of Memories?

This morning my wife was destroying her inherited, four-generations old, heirloom dining collection. When asked why, she replied, "Fuck China!"

If you drink 2 glasses of Kale juice daily, it will destroy your belly fat and

Your desire to live too.

The pyramids took so long to build because creepers kept on destroying them...

That's why the ancient Egyptians worshipped cats to scare the creepers away.

Matter cannot be created or destroyed

nor can it be returned without a receipt.

How do you destroy the great China wall?

You put some paper on it

The castle in Tallinn was destroyed yesterday

It was a huge loss

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you guys know tomorrow they’ll only be 7 planets left?

Because tonight I’m destroying Uranus!

My father was an Allied war hero. He single-handedly destroyed 4 Messerschmitts, 9 Heinkel bombers, and 11 Stuka dive bombers.

He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

Little known fact #376: In Norway they have problems with herds of wild horses destroying the delicate eco systems around their narrow inlets.

They plan to start exporting Fjord Mustangs.

I recently took up knitting...

...and I've gotten really good. I make awesome blankets with beautiful colored patterns. I made a bunch of them, but they're all at my ex-boyfriends house and he's really mad at me. I'm worried he might destroy them or throw them out just to get back at me.

I'm deeply concerned about the safe...

Did you hear the Jim Beam warehouse was destroyed in a fire?

It burned all the way down

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that when you the sperm originally enters the vagina the female immune system tries to destroy it? But later on it helps it get to the egg....

This is the just another example of a woman not being able to make up her mind

How can you get aliens to destroy their own kind?

split them into groups and teach them different religions.

My friend is obsessed with naval destroyers.

He warships them.

My dad’s stroke destroyed half of his face

He’s terrible at golf.

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