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Destroy Jokes

If Donald Trump wants to destroy North Korea...

Perhaps he should move there and become their leader.

My grandpa destroyed 12 German planes during WW2.

He was, without a doubt, the worst mechanic in the history of Luftwaffe

My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.

Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.

How fast was Thor’s hammer destroyed?

Hela Fast.

President Biden ordered an F16 missile attack to destroy the Chinese spy balloon

Americans are thrilled. It's the first thing he's done to combat inflation.

Elon Musk has come up with a fool proof plan of destroying Apple because they refuse to advertise on Twitter.

He plans to buy it.

During World War II a French cheese factory was destroyed.

Debris was everywhere.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong-un of North Korea has said he's going to destroy America

So Trump was livid saying "That's MY job, and I'm not going to just stand by and see an Asian snatch away another American job."

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table...

Because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

How do you destroy the DC universe?

You get a hired Gunn

What will the ISIS be called when we eventually destroy them?

WASWAS.

What four words can completely destroy a man's confidence?

Is it in yet?

On meeting Donald Trump, Kim Jon Un says “I will destroy America...”

Trump replies, “No way, that’s my job. I won’t have another asian stealing an American job.”

If lysis means to destroy , then..

Analysis is .....

3 Vineyards in Bordeaux were destroyed.

A saboteur uprooted the vines, and poisoned the soil with salt.

The Police Nationale believe it is a Terroir-ist act.

Why did Ben Shapiro go on a diet?

To destroy the lbs.

The last time a group of New Englanders destroyed Atlanta this badly

Sherman marched to the sea

I am sick of this Chinese-made virus destroying society!

Tik-Tok has got to go!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve become the very thing I sought to destroy.

A pussy.

Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now.

And there’s notre dame thing they can do about it.

Fidel Castro said he wouldn't die until America was destroyed.

Well, looks like he died 17 days after.

Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, “I’ll give you a reason to cry!?"

I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

A U. S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans in a row boat rowing towards California...

The captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts, "Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?"

One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and replies, "We are invading the United States of America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800s."

The entire crew of the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandad was a WWII veteran. In just one day during the Battle of Britain, he destroyed 8 German aircraft killing a total of 32 Nazi aviators.

He was easily the worst aircraft mechanic the Luftwaffe has ever had.

my neighbor destroyed my driveway and blamed it on me....

He said "it's your own Asphalt!"

Ben Shapiro dies in a plane crash. Wanna know why it crashes?

LEFT WING DESTROYED

Have you heard about the film they're making, where Dallas gets destroyed by space junk?

Debris Does Dallas.

What is a naval destroyer?

A hula hoop with a nail in it.

A massive earthquake hit California due to the San Andreas line opening up and destroying everything

No foreign aid was granted because according to the UN
"It was their own damn fault"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Breaking News: Madman destroys butter factory!

Some people just want to watch the world churn...

You destroyed my garden? Eh, no worries.

I don’t carrot all.

I made a Salad for 23 people to destroy

It was a Caesar salad

Aliens: "We've come to destroy the Earth."

Greta: "It's a bit late, right?"

Planet Vegeta should've never been destroyed

I'm just Saiyan

North Korean submarine accidentally destroys another North Korean submarine

Woops, wrong sub

Did you hear about the archeologist who accidentally destroyed his dig site?

His career is in ruins.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Since it's Destroy Dick December,

we're gonna have a really white christmas.

Did you hear the news that Trump's personal library burnt down?

Unfortunately, both books were permanently destroyed.


Do you know the what the real tragedy is?
He didn't even finish colouring the second one.

Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the disaster was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smouldering in a tree line that bordered a farm.

The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but did not find the remains of anyone, including the President. They spotted a lone farmer ploughing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor.

"Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of...

If you want to destroy science, you are a fundamentalist; if you want to destroy spiritual theology, you are a scientist; if you want to destroy both, you are

Nietzsche

A tree fell and destroyed a quarter of my roof yesterday.

oof

Did you know that Chewbacca's brother Pannubacca died when Princess Leia's home planet was destroyed?

Pannub, as his friends called him, had never had much luck with the ladies and was horribly shy due to his terribly crooked teeth. After years of loneliness Pannub decided to do something about his problem and flew to Leia's planet, which everyone knows was well known for their excellent orthodontis...

Meet Alexei, the hero who has destroyed over a dozen Russian tanks!

Alexei is the worst mechanic in the Russian army

My fence has been destroyed

Looking to replace it but the people at r/repost have terrible advice

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During WW2, three generals were arguing who had the bravest soldiers.

The British general called one of his men over.

“Private! See that nazi tank in the minefield there? Go destroy it.”

“Yes, Sir!” The soldier replied and started running.

He ran across the unmarked minefield until within range of the tank with his anti-tank weapon, took aim and f...

I feel like Reddit is gonna destroy the world.

Karmageddon is approaching.

You may have heard a rumor that Everest's first camp was destroyed in an avalanche.

Don't believe it, though. The claim is baseless.

Did you hear about that colony that got destroyed by the tornadoes?

It was very unsettling.

Why do aliens refuse to destroy churches in movies?

Because the Davis Entertainment Company still owns the right to Alien vs Predator

Why is a destroyed entrance cute?

Because it's a-door-rubble.

How do you destroy the great China wall?

You put some paper on it

Recently my rug got destroyed due to multiple explosions.

I guess you could call it a carpet bombing.

March hasn't quite destroyed the world.

No, but April May.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man in his 50's visits the doctor.

"I just can't take it anymore, doc," he says, wincing. "I stand at the urinal for 20 minutes and nothing happens. Is there something I can take?"

"I'll tell you what you can take," the doctor snarls. "A cold dose of reality! Do you have *any* idea what's happening out there?! Global warming i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why Would She Destroy 100 years of Memories?

This morning my wife was destroying her inherited, four-generations old, heirloom dining collection. When asked why, she replied, "Fuck China!"

So, when Lindsey Graham said “If we nominate Trump, we will get destroyed and we will deserve it,”…..

…he was actually stating a goal.

A farmer in Nebraska just had his fence destroyed by a tornado, and he's asking for our help

He heard we have a lot of experts in re-posting

My grandfather destroyed almost a hundred aircraft in World War Two!

He must have been the worst mechanic in the Luftwaffe.

What's black and loves to destroy Baltimore?

The Pittsburgh Steelers

A man got arrested for destroying all of the clocks in his neighborhood.

When he was asked why he did such a thing the man replied:
I just wanted to kill some time.

It was foreseeable that Jeff Bezos would destroy his marriage

After all, marriage is a sort of union.

The castle in Tallinn was destroyed yesterday

It was a huge loss

Some rioters just destroyed a Vietnamese restaurant.

Must've been anti-pho.

My comrades were destroying the brick factory.

I said "Stop, we need the bricks!"

They replied, "That's why we're demolishing it."

How can you get aliens to destroy their own kind?

split them into groups and teach them different religions.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A shipwrecked Scotsman is rescued by a Royal Navy destroyer

...he is taken to the sick bay where a beautiful young nurse is waiting.

"Our Captain wanted me to tell that he is from Aberdeen and wants his countryman to be receive the best of care. How long has it been since you had a drink of Whisky?"

"Five long years my dear." The Scotsman rep...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Im getting sick of destroy dick december..

Still waiting for jerk-off january and fap febuary

The Empire was finally successful with destroying The Force

All they had to do was vaccinate for midichlorians

How will Trump destroy ISIS?

He will buy it and then run it like one of his casinos.

Did you hear that none of the destroyed businesses in Man of Steel were paid out by insurance?

Turns out their policies didn't cover an "act of Zod"

Dave was getting robbed in the desert

he gave the robber his money and asked the robber shoot a few bullets in his hat to make it believable to his wife that he was robbed.

he then asked," shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not look like a coward"

after the robber shot...

Creating a drug that destroys mitochondria...

is a waste of energy

My friend is obsessed with naval destroyers.

He warships them.

A priest comes home from work

He sees that his neighbor, the rabbi's car is very dirty and decides to wash it for him.


The next day just as the priest was preparing to leave for work he sees the rabbi cutting at his car's exhaust pipe.


Priest: "What are you doing, neighbor ? I wash your car and you destroy ...

Rioters are destroying Baltimore.

Don't worry though, all the bookstores are safe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some vandals destroyed 60% of my firetrucks.

Fuck.

Is it ignorance or apathy that is destroying the world today?

I don’t know, and I don’t really care,

Why did you destroy that urinal cake?

Peer pressure

An English man and an Irish man are driving head-on, at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving too fast

for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Englishman goes to the boot and fe...

"sole"-destroying shoe

"I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole-destroying."

I was going to make a joke about destroying energy

but it doesn't matter

If you dressed up like a rodeo clown, broke into the capitol, and tried to destroy the democracy of the United States

You might be a redneck

A priest was approached one night by Satan himself.

"Do not be frightened," said Satan. "I have an offer to make. I will make you tremendously powerful, famous and rich in return for just one small favour: half of your ability to hear."

The priest was stunned. "Let me think about it for a few days."

The next morning, the priest requeste...

How did the musician destroy the church?

By using instruments of mass-destruction

"Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for destroying evidence?"

"Yeah, apparently the case was dismissed due to lack of evidence."

UK and USA are in a contest to destroy themselves.

The UK edged ahead with Brexit, but the US just played their trump card.

My dad’s stroke destroyed half of his face

He’s terrible at golf.

Last night rioters destroyed the famous Etampes Cheese Market in Paris

All that was left was de-Brie

How does a woman destroy a mans pride with 4 words?

Is it in yet?



How does a man destroy a womans pride with 4 words?

I don't know.

News flash: Vandals destroy street signs

They pulled out all the stops

A massive earthquake destroys a town

It was the earth’s fault

What did the beaver find after his home was destroyed by a flood?

Not a dam thing.

If you drink 2 glasses of Kale juice daily, it will destroy your belly fat and

Your desire to live too.

A friend just grabbed my coke can and destroyed it.

That's soda pressing.

Did you hear the Jim Beam warehouse was destroyed in a fire?

It burned all the way down

Did you hear about the guy destroying snacks at the grocery store?

He's on the registered Chex offender list now.

Sandy, an 18 year old boy, desperately wants a car.

However, his mother forcibly tells him no. Sandy, undeterred, decides to get a job to pay. He applies for many jobs, ranging from a mechanic to delivering newspapers. However, he is not accepted for any of them. Slowly, he gives up on his dream of buying a car.

Weeks later, Sandy tells his mo...

Alright so hear me out, if the big bang was 13.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created nor destroyed, and all our bodies are made of matter, that mean we're all 13.8 billion years old...

so in conclusion yes officer she was old enough.

A garden gnome is busy destroying plants when suddenly a house cat appears.

“What are you?” asks the cat. “I’m a gnome. I steal food from humans. I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, are you?” The cat thinks for a moment and says, “I guess i’m a gnome.”

The pyramids took so long to build because creepers kept on destroying them...

That's why the ancient Egyptians worshipped cats to scare the creepers away.

My doctor sucks. He said if I don't lay off the soda and red meat, I'll destroy my kidneys.

All that education and he can't even tell the difference between kid knees and adult knees.

My group of friends and I were getting completely destroyed at a game of charades

These deaf people must be cheating or something

Did you hear about the Chinese restaurant that got destroyed?

Biggest case of Wanton destruction I've ever seen.

A Rabbi And A Priest Get Into A Huge Car Accident

After both of them crawl out of their cars, the rabbi looks and the priest and says:

"Look at that! Both of our cars are completely demolished, and yet here we are alive and well! This must be a sign from God that we should become good friends!"

The Priest, looking at the total wrecka...

Atoms can't actually touch. We're all made of atoms and all mater is atoms which can neither be created or destroyed.

so to answer your question, no officer I did not punch that child

Injustices make me very mad: My grandfather destroyed a German Airplane and nobody ever thanked him

Actually they kicked him out of the museum

What did the sailor say to the sea monster before it destroyed his ship?

"What's Kraken?

What happened when the Borg’s central computer was destroyed?

They lost their collective minds

My father was an Allied war hero. He single-handedly destroyed 4 Messerschmitts, 9 Heinkel bombers, and 11 Stuka dive bombers.

He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

Things you should never ask Drax the Destroyer to do for you.

Babysit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Found the secrect to destroying a girls arse on the first date

Take em cycling

Part of the alphabet has been destroyed in a terrorist attack.

No letter has been charged, but the cops suspect G-had a hand in it.

Somebody told me there's an invasive species of giant frogs destroying local populations all across North America...

... What a bunch of bull.

The restaurant was so bad it caused a fire that destroyed the world

It was one star.

Why did the dyslexic conservative get destroyed in his primary?

He vowed to vote against Texas no matter what.

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