Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the disaster was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smouldering in a tree line that bordered a farm.

The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but did not find the remains of anyone, including the President. They spotted a lone farmer ploughing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor.

"Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of...

How fast was Thor’s hammer destroyed in Ragnarok?

Hela fast

U.S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans rowing towards Texas. The Captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts:

“Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?"

One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, "Gringo, we are invading the United States of
America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800's."

The entire crew on the destroyer doubles over in laughter....

My great grandfather once destroyed 18 WW2 German aircrafts in one day.

He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

Some rioters just destroyed a Vietnamese restaurant.

Must've been anti-pho.

I actually come from a parallel universe where Earth was destroyed by Larry the Cable Guy.

We called the event “Arma-Git-R-Done.”

I reached into the washing machine to find my favorite shirt destroyed. It looks like it was murdered.

It was a casual T.

Why did Ben Shapiro destroy a KFC restaurant?

'Cause they served him left wings.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve become the very thing I sought to destroy.

A pussy.

If the Big Bang happened 13.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created or destroyed, and all of our bodies are made up of matter, that means we are 13.8 billion years old.

So in conclusion officer, yes she was old enough.

What did the beaver find after his home was destroyed by a flood?

Not a dam thing.

Last night rioters destroyed the famous Etampes Cheese Market in Paris

All that was left was de-Brie

Did you hear about the guy destroying snacks at the grocery store?

He's on the registered Chex offender list now.

My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.

Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.

One day there were three grave robbers searching through a graveyard in Central America

They came across an Ancient Mayan temple which had three doors. the first grave robber walker up to the first door and looked inside, he saw a black pedestal with nothing on it, and in the back of the room there were piles of gold and riches, so he walked in and grabbed a handful of gold, but as he ...

Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now.

And there’s notre dame thing they can do about it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the pass...

A man asked his friend "how did your mother died?"

"She fell off the roof and destroyed the balcony" his friend replied.

"Oh then she died?" asked the man.

"No, then she fell on the garage and destroyed it." his friend responded.

"Ah! Then she died?" the man asked again.

"No! Then she fell on the car and destroyed it"
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Nsfw)Went to pornhub the other day there was a lot of videos titled "bbc destroys teen"...

I don't know why the British Broadcasting Corporation is destroying the lives of teens..but I for one think it shows lack of journalistic integrity.

A garden gnome is busy destroying plants when suddenly a house cat appears.

“What are you?” asks the cat. “I’m a gnome. I steal food from humans. I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, are you?” The cat thinks for a moment and says, “I guess i’m a gnome.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there is this scientist right? And the dudes a fuckin genius. I’m talking different dimension destroying genius aight.

But this guy, THIS FUCKIN GUY, decides “eh, fuck it I’m bored” and he turns himself into the most outrageous thing! Smartass dude turns himself into a pickle! A FUCKIN PICKLE. Funniest shit I’ve ever seen.

Little known fact #376: In Norway they have problems with herds of wild horses destroying the delicate eco systems around their narrow inlets.

They plan to start exporting Fjord Mustangs.

I hate these double standards

If you burn a body at a crematorium you’re "doing a good job" and if you do it at home you’re “destroying evidence”

Transcript of a radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. Over.

Americans: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. Over.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision...

Aliens: "We've come to destroy the Earth."

Greta: "It's a bit late, right?"

The pandemic has destroyed all of humanity, save for Dave and his sidekick...

Sidekick: Looks like we're the protagonists of this story. It's time, Dave — what's your superpower?

Dave: Hindsight.

Sidekick: That doesn't help.

Dave: Yes, I see that now.

My doctor sucks. He said if I don't lay off the soda and red meat, I'll destroy my kidneys.

All that education and he can't even tell the difference between kid knees and adult knees.

My group of friends and I were getting completely destroyed at a game of charades

These deaf people must be cheating or something

I had a brilliant plan to cover my neighbor's farm in plastic to destroy his business, but when I returned from the store with the cellophane, he had already enveloped my farm entirely with Reynolds wrap.

It seems my plot was foiled.

March hasn't quite destroyed the world.

No, but April May.

I traveled to London this year to take part in Europe's largest chess tournament and was destroyed in the first round by this European guy with an odd accent. I waited until the end of the game to ask him about where he was from and what kind of accent he had...

He responded: "Czech, mate!"

I live in a non-legal state and I recently found a little baggie of weed in the parking lot outside my workplace. Since drugs are illegal and I am a good and responsible citizen, I immediately took the bag home and destroyed the weed

... in a series of small fires.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW

My girlfriend said she'd leave me if I didn't stop masturbating.


I'm single handedly destroying my love life.

Godzilla is destroying a city and eating all sorts of humans.

His accomplice Bobzilla shows up with Charlie Brown, Lucy, Schroeder, and Snoopy, offering them to Godzilla..
He quickly says no.
“Bobzilla, you know I have a peanut allergy!”

Ben Shapiro dies in a plane crash. Wanna know why it crashes?

LEFT WING DESTROYED

A tree fell and destroyed a quarter of my roof yesterday.

oof

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For All You Disney Fans, here’s a little Story about the time I rode the Monorail at Disneyland

One time while riding the monorail at Disneyland, I let out the loudest, wettest, deepest and almost foul smelling fart I have ever ripped in my life. There are no words in the English language that can describe the absolute rancidity of this fart. It was so putrid that actual green gas was visible ...

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Women love a man brimming with confidence.

Because, without that, what's to destroy?

If Donald Trump wants to destroy North Korea...

Perhaps he should move there and become their leader.

My friend is obsessed with naval destroyers.

He warships them.

My dad’s stroke destroyed half of his face

He’s terrible at golf.

What did the sailor say to the sea monster before it destroyed his ship?

"What's Kraken?

Is it ignorance or apathy that is destroying the world today?

I don’t know, and I don’t really care,

Why do aliens refuse to destroy churches in movies?

Because the Davis Entertainment Company still owns the right to Alien vs Predator

A horse walks into the bar ...

The bartender asks, "Hey, why the long face?"

The horse says, "My alcoholism is destroying my family."

Friar's Flower Shop

Two brothers, Joey and Jimmy Bagadonuts, owned a flower shop in a small town in New Jersey, and business was great. They were the only game in town, until one day, two friars moved in across the street and opened their own flower shop. Having higher quality flowers, as well as the religious aspect, ...

Matter cannot be created or destroyed

nor can it be returned without a receipt.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop...

It was sole destroying

A Sailor is on his first day on a destroyer

and his Superior is giving him tour. They approach a room with a single 55 gallon barrel in the center of it.

“What’s this?” the young Sailor ask.

“Oooh that. Well Sailor, we are out to sea for long periods of time and we have certain needs. So anytime you get the urge you just whip it...

I feel like Reddit is gonna destroy the world.

Karmageddon is approaching.

In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah and said:

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unen...

An old Soviet anecdote [WARNING: GORE]

A chief talks to his tribe:

— Are we the greatest tribe?

Entire tribe shouts:

— YES!!!

— Then we need our own nuclear bomb and a rocket to carry it!

— YES!!!

— Let's build them then.

The tribe chopped down the thickest and tallest tree in the forest, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why Would She Destroy 100 years of Memories?

This morning my wife was destroying her inherited, four-generations old, heirloom dining collection. When asked why, she replied, "Fuck China!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some vandals destroyed 60% of my firetrucks.

Fuck.

vacationing in the caribbean

An engineer and an attorney were fishing in the Caribbean.

The attorney said, “I’m here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.”

"That’s quite a coincidence," said the engineer. “I’m here because my house...

Creating a drug that destroys mitochondria...

is a waste of energy

The pyramids took so long to build because creepers kept on destroying them...

That's why the ancient Egyptians worshipped cats to scare the creepers away.

On meeting Donald Trump, Kim Jon Un says “I will destroy America...”

Trump replies, “No way, that’s my job. I won’t have another asian stealing an American job.”

The restaurant was so bad it caused a fire that destroyed the world

It was one star.

It was foreseeable that Jeff Bezos would destroy his marriage

After all, marriage is a sort of union.

A friend just grabbed my coke can and destroyed it.

That's soda pressing.

Sam was a man with big dreams who lived in a small countryside village

One day, sam decided to follow his dreams and went to the big city. "Now you gotta find a job, Sam" he said to himself, and went to search for one.

After being rejected from several job interviews, Sam returns defeated to his home, there, he decides not to give up. With some money from his pa...

The Dog Fight

The Israeli Dog vs. The Arab Dog

  
The Israelis and Arabs realized that, if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying the whole world. So they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient practice: a duel of two, like David and Goliath. This "duel" would be a dog fi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American battleship is on a shore during WWII.

The people on the ship are discussing a plan to destroy a 1000 person Nazi battleship nearby. No one can come up with a good plan, and they're worried the Nazis will attack before them. Just then, the janitor on the ship asked if he could share his plan, and no one objected.

The janitor says,...

Did you hear about the Chinese restaurant that got destroyed?

Biggest case of Wanton destruction I've ever seen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm sorry your mother in law is dead

I'm sorry your mother in law is dead he says..how did it happen?

Well it was very unfortunate..she tried to stand up but got dizzy and caught the curtains and ripped them.

oh, thats how she died

no, from the thrust she hit the 65' inch tv and fell on the crystal table.

so...

Did you hear the Jim Beam warehouse was destroyed in a fire?

It burned all the way down

My wife complained that my life revolves around Facebook and it has destroyed the way we communicate.

So I've blocked her.

Things you should never ask Drax the Destroyer to do for you.

Babysit

Did you hear about the earthquake that destroyed 4046.856 square metres of land during church?

Some people call it a massacre

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"I just bought an elephant and it was the best purchase ever"

While walking down the street, a man meets a friend he hasn't met for a while. They stop and chat, talking about what's new in their lives. The friend mentions having bought an elephant pretty recently.

"It was the best purchase ever! It grazes on my lawn, keeping it perfectly trimmed. I ...

One day in a small town, a man buys land right infront of a church

He decides to build a brothel there and when the priest and the other religious folk heard that, they strongly stood against the construction of the house of many sins. However, nobody could do anything because the land was not theirs and the man could legally build anything he wanted there.

...

Dear Microsoft:

If you had called your search engine Bang instead of Bing, you'd have destroyed Google.
What would you rather say? "I just Googled Rihanna"or "I just Banged Rihanna."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong-un of North Korea has said he's going to destroy America

So Trump was livid saying "That's MY job, and I'm not going to just stand by and see an Asian snatch away another American job."

I saw a tree move and destroy a car

It seems they use Groot force.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Since it's Destroy Dick December,

we're gonna have a really white christmas.

Drugs are a lot like women...

If you abuse them. Crystal, Mary Jane, and Molly will destroy your life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandad was a WWII veteran. In just one day during the Battle of Britain, he destroyed 8 German aircraft killing a total of 32 Nazi aviators.

He was easily the worst aircraft mechanic the Luftwaffe has ever had.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking through a field full of honeysuckles.

As he walks he deliberately smashes evey honeysuckle in his path with his foot.

A moment later a voice booms from the heavens, "Don't smash the honeysuckles. If you stop destroying the honeysuckles, I'll give you all the honey you could ever want for the rest of your life."

The man lo...

If you drink 2 glasses of Kale juice daily, it will destroy your belly fat and

Your desire to live too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It can take years to build a great relationship but only seconds to destroy it with the wrong words.

e.g. "Sarah, I'm gay"

The castle in Tallinn was destroyed yesterday

It was a huge loss

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The man who loved tractors

There once was a man who loved tractors, I mean he absolutely LOVED them. He had tractor models, tractor wallpaper, remote control miniature tractors, tractor board games, even some tractor porn(which is not easy to find mind you). The only thing that even came close to his love for tractors, was th...

I am an ex-demolitionist fired for accidentally destroying five million dollars worth of property. AMA!

Edit: Wow, I wasn't expecting this to blow up!

Did you hear about the archeologist who accidentally destroyed his dig site?

His career is in ruins.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There used to be 9 planets...

But Pluto was downgraded and now we have 8. And if you’re lucky enough, soon we will only have 7. Because I’m about to destroy Uranus.

(Best if used a pickup line)

How do you destroy the great China wall?

You put some paper on it

Art thieves pillaged a museum of European 17th and 18th century artwork. They smashed windows, stole paintings, destroyed exhibits, and even did a number on the light fixtures. Everything about the place is a mere ruin of what it was yesterday.

It's all baroque now.

Alcohol and cigarettes have warning labels because they are addictive, dangerous, and destroy lives.

And yet women are allowed to just roam around.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that when you the sperm originally enters the vagina the female immune system tries to destroy it? But later on it helps it get to the egg....

This is the just another example of a woman not being able to make up her mind

What's the Mummy's plan to destroy Superman?

He's going to lure him into the crypt tonight.

My father was an Allied war hero. He single-handedly destroyed 4 Messerschmitts, 9 Heinkel bombers, and 11 Stuka dive bombers.

He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

A cigar smoker bought several hundred expensive cigars

And had them insured against fire. After he'd smoked them all, he filed a claim, pointing out that the cigars had been destroyed by fire. The company refused to pay, and the man sued. A judge ruled that because the insurance company had agreed to insure against fire, it was legally responsible. The ...

The last time a group of New Englanders destroyed Atlanta this badly

Sherman marched to the sea

The Redskins are currently getting destroyed on MNF

Wouldn't be the first time they got destroyed on Columbus Day.

How can you get aliens to destroy their own kind?

split them into groups and teach them different religions.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Coronavirus alerts across the world

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, level may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."

The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when t...

What will the ISIS be called when we eventually destroy them?

WASWAS.

Fidel Castro said he wouldn't die until America was destroyed.

Well, looks like he died 17 days after.

The punch line is told first

How do you destroy a joke ?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman had to stop the world from being destroyed while he had a boner,

Saving the world had never been so hard.

North Korean submarine accidentally destroys another North Korean submarine

Woops, wrong sub

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just realized the fight between obi wan and Anakin perfectly sums up the past year of fighting between Millenials and Boomers, respectively.

When Jedi business becomes too real.

---------------

Millenials: You have allowed this giant turd to twist your mind, until now, until now you've become the very thing you swore to destroy.

Boomer : Don't lecture me, child, I see through the lies of the libtards I do not fear t...

Darth Vader built an entire Galactic Empire...

Wearing protective gear in sanitary environment.

But it was all destroyed by a whiny brat without a mask who refused to stay home with his aunt and uncle.

Doctor: I’m afraid you have cancer and alzheimer’s

Man: Doc, what’s alzheimer’s?



Doctor: it’s a disease that slowly destroys your memory and mental function. I understand this can be rough to go through and we have resources for you if you need them.


Man: Well at least i don’t have cancer

A massive earthquake destroys a town

It was the earth’s fault

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Royal Newspaper

The Queen was overjoyed to receive a new royal pet, a tiny Siamese kitten. But one day, the kitten simply disappeared and servants searching high and low could not find her.

One servant thought he heard a scratching noise behind a small mouse hole in the wall, so the King ordered the hole to...

Part of the alphabet has been destroyed in a terrorist attack.

No letter has been charged, but the cops suspect G-had a hand in it.

The cheese factory was destroyed today...

Debris was everywhere.

If you hear a supernatural voice in your head telling you to destroy statues of the Ten Commandments, you might be mentally ill.

But if the voice tells you to create them instead, you might be Moses.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Found the secrect to destroying a girls arse on the first date

Take em cycling

I’ve been banned from all McDonald’s for destroying a restaurant and killing 6 people.

It wasn’t my fault, the sign said to drive through.

Sandy, an 18 year old boy, desperately wants a car.

However, his mother forcibly tells him no. Sandy, undeterred, decides to get a job to pay. He applies for many jobs, ranging from a mechanic to delivering newspapers. However, he is not accepted for any of them. Slowly, he gives up on his dream of buying a car.

Weeks later, Sandy tells his mo...

What happened when the Borg’s central computer was destroyed?

They lost their collective minds

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Im getting sick of destroy dick december..

Still waiting for jerk-off january and fap febuary

An English man and an Irish man are driving head-on, at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving too fast

for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Englishman goes to the boot and fe...

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