Why did Ben Shapiro destroy a KFC restaurant?

'Cause they served him left wings.

What did the beaver find after his home was destroyed by a flood?

Not a dam thing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve become the very thing I sought to destroy.

A pussy.

A garden gnome is busy destroying plants when suddenly a house cat appears.

“What are you?” asks the cat. “I’m a gnome. I steal food from humans. I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, are you?” The cat thinks for a moment and says, “I guess i’m a gnome.”

March hasn't quite destroyed the world.

No, but April May.

Last night rioters destroyed the famous Etampes Cheese Market in Paris

All that was left was de-Brie

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Nsfw)Went to pornhub the other day there was a lot of videos titled "bbc destroys teen"...

I don't know why the British Broadcasting Corporation is destroying the lives of teens..but I for one think it shows lack of journalistic integrity.

My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.

Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.

My doctor sucks. He said if I don't lay off the soda and red meat, I'll destroy my kidneys.

All that education and he can't even tell the difference between kid knees and adult knees.

My group of friends and I were getting completely destroyed at a game of charades

These deaf people must be cheating or something

My grandpa was a WW2 veteran. He destroyed four planes and killed twelve men in one day.

He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe had.

I live in a non-legal state and I recently found a little baggie of weed in the parking lot outside my workplace. Since drugs are illegal and I am a good and responsible citizen, I immediately took the bag home and destroyed the weed

... in a series of small fires.

Aliens: "We've come to destroy the Earth."

Greta: "It's a bit late, right?"

I traveled to London this year to take part in Europe's largest chess tournament and was destroyed in the first round by this European guy with an odd accent. I waited until the end of the game to ask him about where he was from and what kind of accent he had...

He responded: "Czech, mate!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there is this scientist right? And the dudes a fuckin genius. I’m talking different dimension destroying genius aight.

But this guy, THIS FUCKIN GUY, decides “eh, fuck it I’m bored” and he turns himself into the most outrageous thing! Smartass dude turns himself into a pickle! A FUCKIN PICKLE. Funniest shit I’ve ever seen.

Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now.

And there’s notre dame thing they can do about it.

My dad’s stroke destroyed half of his face

He’s terrible at golf.

Ben Shapiro dies in a plane crash. Wanna know why it crashes?

LEFT WING DESTROYED

A tree fell and destroyed a quarter of my roof yesterday.

oof

What did the sailor say to the sea monster before it destroyed his ship?

"What's Kraken?

How fast was Thor’s hammer destroyed?

Hela Fast.

Matter cannot be created or destroyed

nor can it be returned without a receipt.

Is it ignorance or apathy that is destroying the world today?

I don’t know, and I don’t really care,

A Sailor is on his first day on a destroyer

and his Superior is giving him tour. They approach a room with a single 55 gallon barrel in the center of it.

“What’s this?” the young Sailor ask.

“Oooh that. Well Sailor, we are out to sea for long periods of time and we have certain needs. So anytime you get the urge you just whip it...

Why do aliens refuse to destroy churches in movies?

Because the Davis Entertainment Company still owns the right to Alien vs Predator

Drugs are a lot like women...

If you abuse them. Crystal, Mary Jane, and Molly will destroy your life.

My friend is obsessed with naval destroyers.

He warships them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some vandals destroyed 60% of my firetrucks.

Fuck.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking through a field full of honeysuckles.

As he walks he deliberately smashes evey honeysuckle in his path with his foot.

A moment later a voice booms from the heavens, "Don't smash the honeysuckles. If you stop destroying the honeysuckles, I'll give you all the honey you could ever want for the rest of your life."

The man lo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why Would She Destroy 100 years of Memories?

This morning my wife was destroying her inherited, four-generations old, heirloom dining collection. When asked why, she replied, "Fuck China!"

If Donald Trump wants to destroy North Korea...

Perhaps he should move there and become their leader.

I feel like Reddit is gonna destroy the world.

Karmageddon is approaching.

A friend just grabbed my coke can and destroyed it.

That's soda pressing.

The pyramids took so long to build because creepers kept on destroying them...

That's why the ancient Egyptians worshipped cats to scare the creepers away.

Creating a drug that destroys mitochondria...

is a waste of energy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There used to be 9 planets...

But Pluto was downgraded and now we have 8. And if you’re lucky enough, soon we will only have 7. Because I’m about to destroy Uranus.

(Best if used a pickup line)

The restaurant was so bad it caused a fire that destroyed the world

It was one star.

Dear Microsoft:

If you had called your search engine Bang instead of Bing, you'd have destroyed Google.
What would you rather say? "I just Googled Rihanna"or "I just Banged Rihanna."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

No beers to bears in bars in Boise.

A bear walks into a bar and asked the bartender for a beer. To which the barkeep points over his shoulder at a sign reading, "It is illegal to serve if you are already intoxicated. It is illegal to serve minors. It is illegal to serve beer to bears in bars in Boise."

The bear says, "If you do...

It was foreseeable that Jeff Bezos would destroy his marriage

After all, marriage is a sort of union.

A cigar smoker bought several hundred expensive cigars

And had them insured against fire. After he'd smoked them all, he filed a claim, pointing out that the cigars had been destroyed by fire. The company refused to pay, and the man sued. A judge ruled that because the insurance company had agreed to insure against fire, it was legally responsible. The ...

Lord came unto Noah

In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United
States , and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated,
and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good
humans."...

Fed up with God's creations, Lucifer decides to lead an army to destroy humanity...

The war had been raging for many years, and humanity was slowly losing. Lucifer could raise a never ending stream of demons, and until he was contained, the fighting would never end.

In order to stop him, God gives the humans a ritual that would seal away Satan forever. The Pope was recruited...

Did you hear about the Chinese restaurant that got destroyed?

Biggest case of Wanton destruction I've ever seen.

Things you should never ask Drax the Destroyer to do for you.

Babysit

On meeting Donald Trump, Kim Jon Un says “I will destroy America...”

Trump replies, “No way, that’s my job. I won’t have another asian stealing an American job.”

Did you hear about the earthquake that destroyed 4046.856 square metres of land during church?

Some people call it a massacre

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar....

Man 1 walks into the bar, sits next to man 2 and orders a beer.

Man 2 lines up 5 shots of an unknown drink, and slams all 5.

Man 1: “why the hell did you do that?!”

Man 2: “it makes you temporarily invincible.”

Man 1: “oh yeah? Prove it.”

Man 2 runs outside, gets r...

My wife complained that my life revolves around Facebook and it has destroyed the way we communicate.

So I've blocked her.

Did you hear the Jim Beam warehouse was destroyed in a fire?

It burned all the way down

What do you call a madman who destroys a trillion bytes of data?

A Teraist

I saw a tree move and destroy a car

It seems they use Groot force.

Darth Vader built an entire Galactic Empire...

Wearing protective gear in sanitary environment.

But it was all destroyed by a whiny brat without a mask who refused to stay home with his aunt and uncle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Royal Newspaper

The Queen was overjoyed to receive a new royal pet, a tiny Siamese kitten. But one day, the kitten simply disappeared and servants searching high and low could not find her.

One servant thought he heard a scratching noise behind a small mouse hole in the wall, so the King ordered the hole to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just realized the fight between obi wan and Anakin perfectly sums up the past year of fighting between Millenials and Boomers, respectively.

When Jedi business becomes too real.

---------------

Millenials: You have allowed this giant turd to twist your mind, until now, until now you've become the very thing you swore to destroy.

Boomer : Don't lecture me, child, I see through the lies of the libtards I do not fear t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Coronavirus alerts across the world

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, level may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."

The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Since it's Destroy Dick December,

we're gonna have a really white christmas.

Doctor: I’m afraid you have cancer and alzheimer’s

Man: Doc, what’s alzheimer’s?



Doctor: it’s a disease that slowly destroys your memory and mental function. I understand this can be rough to go through and we have resources for you if you need them.


Man: Well at least i don’t have cancer

I am an ex-demolitionist fired for accidentally destroying five million dollars worth of property. AMA!

Edit: Wow, I wasn't expecting this to blow up!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It can take years to build a great relationship but only seconds to destroy it with the wrong words.

e.g. "Sarah, I'm gay"

If you drink 2 glasses of Kale juice daily, it will destroy your belly fat and

Your desire to live too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong-un of North Korea has said he's going to destroy America

So Trump was livid saying "That's MY job, and I'm not going to just stand by and see an Asian snatch away another American job."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandad was a WWII veteran. In just one day during the Battle of Britain, he destroyed 8 German aircraft killing a total of 32 Nazi aviators.

He was easily the worst aircraft mechanic the Luftwaffe has ever had.

The castle in Tallinn was destroyed yesterday

It was a huge loss

The punch line is told first

How do you destroy a joke ?

A man went to an art museum

And, as fate would have it, he happened to be in the Impressionist gallery when an earthquake struck. The walls began to shake, and, instinctively, he stuck out his limbs to try to secure himself. When the dust had settled, he found himself stepping on a painting of several dancers, which was precar...

What Is Love ?

Love Is The 6th Sense That Destroy all The 5 Senses
And Make The Person NONSENSE

There's a group of people who say they for years they've adored these three sunflowers growing together...

...and then three sunflowers which looked the same and just as beautiful were planted next to them but did not grow very tall. Purely because of this, the people insisted and raged that the new sunflowers were an abomination that totally destroyed the beauty and awe of the three tall sunflowers perm...

I hate double standards

If you're burning a body at a crematorium you're doing a good job.
If you do it at home you are destroying evidence.

Alcohol and cigarettes have warning labels because they are addictive, dangerous, and destroy lives.

And yet women are allowed to just roam around.

Art thieves pillaged a museum of European 17th and 18th century artwork. They smashed windows, stole paintings, destroyed exhibits, and even did a number on the light fixtures. Everything about the place is a mere ruin of what it was yesterday.

It's all baroque now.

A banker, librarian and a soldier get on a plane...

After a while the banker drops a typewriter from the plane: meanwhile a little boy is walking down the sidewalk, he finds a little girl crying. He asks her "Why are you crying?" "A typewriter hit my head!" she replies. The boy carries on with his day. A little later the librarian drops a book. The b...

How do you destroy the great China wall?

You put some paper on it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At a bar, my friend made an astounding pool shot.

I asked how he did it. He said, "When I am about to take a shot, it's like magic, I can just see the line where I need to shoot."

After he finished destroying me at pool, we were playing darts and he hit nothing but bullseyes. I was pretty pissed. I asked, "Lemme guess. A line like magic?" He...

A man lives on the banks of an Egyptian river

A man lives along the banks of an Egyptian river. Every year the river floods, yet the man remains certain that the river will not destroy his house. One year, the people in his settlement try to persuade him to evacuate, as the floods of that year were vicious. The man did not listen, thinking he w...

Did you hear about the archeologist who accidentally destroyed his dig site?

His career is in ruins.

My father was an Allied war hero. He single-handedly destroyed 4 Messerschmitts, 9 Heinkel bombers, and 11 Stuka dive bombers.

He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

What's the Mummy's plan to destroy Superman?

He's going to lure him into the crypt tonight.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Politics is like a frat party

People get crazy and everything gets destroyed and somebody gets fucked

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pope taking a shower!

The Pope was having a shower and although he's very strict about celibacy, he occasionally felt he needed to exercise the papal wrist, and this happened to be one of those occasions. Just as he reached the Papal climax, he saw a photographer taking a picture of the Holy semen flying through the air...

The Redskins are currently getting destroyed on MNF

Wouldn't be the first time they got destroyed on Columbus Day.

The last time a group of New Englanders destroyed Atlanta this badly

Sherman marched to the sea

How can you get aliens to destroy their own kind?

split them into groups and teach them different religions.

A boy desperately needs money to buy a new car

However, his mother forcibly tells him no. The boy, undeterred, decides to get a job to pay. He applies for many jobs, ranging from a mechanic to delivering newspapers. However, he is not accepted for any of them. Slowly, he gives up on his dream of buying a car.

Weeks later, the boy tells hi...

The cheese factory was destroyed today...

Debris was everywhere.

Part of the alphabet has been destroyed in a terrorist attack.

No letter has been charged, but the cops suspect G-had a hand in it.

Fidel Castro said he wouldn't die until America was destroyed.

Well, looks like he died 17 days after.

An English man and an Irish man are driving head-on, at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving too fast

for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Englishman goes to the boot and fe...

What will the ISIS be called when we eventually destroy them?

WASWAS.

North Korean submarine accidentally destroys another North Korean submarine

Woops, wrong sub

Sure, we can do something about climate change now, but if we find out in 50 years that the researchers made a mistake and that climate change doesn't exist...

We would have improved air quality in all major cities, gotten rid of noisy and smelly cars, cleaned up toxic rivers and destroyed dictatorships funded on money from oil for no reason.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Timothy was a bright young boy, and he was even fairly handsome.

The only problem was that he was lost his eye in a fishing accident when he was younger. His family was too poor to afford a glass eye, so his grandfather whittled him a wooden one.

He was made fun of all through school for his eye and it completely destroyed his self esteem.

But he wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Found the secrect to destroying a girls arse on the first date

Take em cycling

What happened when the Borg’s central computer was destroyed?

They lost their collective minds

If you hear a supernatural voice in your head telling you to destroy statues of the Ten Commandments, you might be mentally ill.

But if the voice tells you to create them instead, you might be Moses.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Im getting sick of destroy dick december..

Still waiting for jerk-off january and fap febuary

A friend asked me why some people don't like juice. I tell him it's probably because they're thinking of that cheap, acidic variety that's been destroyed by the concentration process

Apparently this opinion can get you banned from the local kosher supermarket

I’ve been banned from all McDonald’s for destroying a restaurant and killing 6 people.

It wasn’t my fault, the sign said to drive through.

Actual transcript of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. This radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95...

*US Ship*: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."

*Canadians*: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."

*US Ship*: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."

*Canadians*: "N...

The Hotel California was destroyed last night and they’re looking for the suspect.

Evidence is pointing that its San Andreas’ fault

Bill's new car

Bill decides after saving for a few years to finally buy a new red Lamborghini. He's so excited about it that he decides to go out and try it out on the highway.

As he's zooming down the highway, he sees a trucker up ahead slowing traffic, and decides to show off his new car by cutting the tr...

In a courtroom one morning

Barry the Basher was being faced with multiple charges of aggravated battery. He had a reputation of assaulting his victims with a baseball bat.

However, the opposing legal team discovered that all of their evidence was either lost or destroyed and were not able to tie him to any of the cha...

What do you call a group of people hell-bent on destroying the Earth?

Terrarists

If at first you don’t succeed,

destroy all evidence that you tried.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there's these three guys coming out of the golf clubhouse on a Friday night.

The gentlemen see a lady shooting left-handed on the practice green nailing 20 foot putts like it was nothing, so the guys ask, "Hey do you want to play a quick round?"

The Lady replies, "Sorry fellas, I just finished playing, but if you come back tomorrow morning at 10:00am, we can play a ro...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.