What did the merchant say after a good trade?

Good buy

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.

After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.

Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his ...

Good Trade !

I remember once when I was driving home from one of my business trips through Northern Arizona, when I saw an elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, I stopped the car and asked the Navajo man if he'd would like a ride. With a word or two of thanks, ...

What trading platform that won't let you trade?

A corrupted one.

An electrical engineer, mechanical engineer, and software engineer are on their way to a trade show

when their car stalls and they are forced to pull over to the side of the road.

The mechanical engineer says, “It’s probably a mechanical problem. I’ll get my tool box out of the trunk and I can fix it.”

The electrical engineer says, “No, I’ll bet it’s an electrical problem. I have my ...

A robber pulled a gun on the bank clerk and manager saying, “Give me all the money! I need it to set myself up in a trade or profession. You know, initial investment is needed to cover the overheads until my cash flow is established.”

The bank manager said to the clerk, “You’d better do what he says, I think he means business.”

I passed a store the other day that traded measuring tools for fruit

The deal of the day was, "Banana for scale"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s it called when a stripper and a tattoo artist trade services?

Tit for tat.

So a politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

‟So, you’re a politician...”
‟Well, yes, is that a problem?”
‟Oh no, no problem. But we have recently adopted a new system for people in your line of wo...

These days, iron and steel are traded on the international commodity market, and if you need some, you just need to contact a trader.

Formerly, if you wanted iron or steel, you would need to go to an ironworks or even a blacksmith's and negotiate directly with the men who made it.

Whoever smelted, dealt it.

Why did Robinhood steal from the rich?

He actually didn’t he instead limited what the working class could trade in stocks in order for the rich to make money. Disney lied.

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The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra...

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic...

A barber in my town was arrested for illegal drug trade. It was shocking, I have been his customer for years.

Never knew he was a barber.

Joe Biden is a Jack of all trades

Apparently he has his fingers in many pies.

I traded a deer for some chickens.

Overall it was a good deal. It only cost me a buck.

I got a PS5 for my brother.

Best trade ever.

Just traded my girlfriend for a bean burrito.

Food for thot.

An archaeologist was in Jerusalem when he discovered a slab of rock with five figures on it: the Star of David, an ox, a shovel, an owl, and a woman.

"This is really fascinating," said the archaeologist. "This tells me a lot about ancient Hebrew culture. The Star of David tells me, of course, that they were a very religious people. The ox tells me that they used domesticated animals, such as oxen, to plow the fields. The shovel tells me that they...

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Marine Biologist

My uncle is a marine biologist who grew up in Kansas. He moved to Los Angeles for grad school and never left. His first real job was as a lab tech at USC, where he spent several years before stumbling into a part-time instructor job, which he finally parlayed into a tenured faculty position. The wor...

I got a brand new Tesla for my partner

Pretty decent trade, if you as me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A genie offered to increase my penis length by 1 inch for every 10 IQ I traded...

Hehdixka a. Sueuwkk aksjns sjebbe Magjxianq an

Ivanka Trump is walking a dog outside the White House...

A Secret Service agent sees her and says "Good Morning, Ma'am."

"Good morning." She replies.

"That's a very cute dog, ma'am." the agent says trying to make polite small talk.

"Oh, thank you. I got it for the President." She replies with a smile.

"Excellent trade, Ma'am."<...

Would you trade a Politician's life to end the Covid-19 outbreak?

If the answer is 'Yes', please provide answer the following questions:

Which one would be your choice?

And why Trump?

Given Isaac Newton's links to the slave trade,

perhaps we ought to abolish gravity.

It would be a weight off his shoulders.

My mother is a tailor by trade, and won't let me buy anything from the store, I have to wear what she makes...

I guess you could say she's pretty clothes minded

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All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.   

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.   

After careful consideration by a team of...

A classic Russian joke...

An American, a Frenchman and a Russian are stranded on an uninhabited island. They build a shelter, catch fish for food and suddenly catch a magical Golden Fish, who promises to fulfill two wishes for each in trade for her own freedom:

The American says: "A million dollars and to go back home...

Wanna trade jokes about poo?

I've got piles

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A urologist meets an insurance agent, and they immediately hit it off.

# Actually, the exact opposite happens

Urologist: You know, we should trade jobs. Any positions open where you work?

Insurance Agent: Why? Is yours just that *piss-poor*?

Urologist: ... No. I just want to show how easy your job is compared to mine.

IA: It's only a mildly ...

All this talk of trade wars...

It’s just Tariffying

A child is ill and the make a wish foundation asks what he would like more than anything. The child thinks about it and says, "I'd like to trade places with Donald Trump!"

They interpret as he wants to know what it's like to be president for a day.

So they ask Trump, he obliges.

Trump meets the child and asks, "So you want to know what it's like to be
president?"

The child, disappointed, retorts "No, I just wanted you to have cancer."

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What did wanker do on wall street?

jack off all trades

My friend wanted to exchange his hourglass for my globe.

But I would never trade the world for more time.

Name Changes

Several hundred years ago a young hispanic boy was born. His mother wanted to give him a name deserving of her little king. Unfortunately, without medication and in pain she screamed when telling the nurse the name she picked. So instead of Prince, riIINS is what she heard and so Rins was his name. ...

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This brothel doesn't care about your line of work...

We jack off all trades.

I just traded four rolls of toilet paper and a package of baby wipes for a 2017 Maserati.

I am going to miss that car.

What did Britain say to its trade partners?

See EU later.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A restaurant patron drops his spoon on the floor and asks the waiter for a new one.

The waiter immediately reaches into his apron and pulls out a new spoon and gives it to the customer.

The table finishes their meal and the waiter comes to drop the check. The man who had earlier dropped his spoon says to the waiter, "Hey, that was pretty impressive that you were able to giv...

If I have an Indian Restaurant, I'll call it Jack of All Trades

Master of Naan

A little IDAHO HUMOR From John H. Hill

A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,

and finally they got married, and had a little sweet

potato, which they called 'Yam'.

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.

They warned her about going...

Where do ice-cream makers go to learn their trade?

Sundae school.

Why is it a good thing to study oceanic trade routes?

Because you’ll have a maritime (merry time)!

Two lawyers sit in a restaurant.

They're eating homemade sandwiches.
The server comes along and stops them: "Excuse me, but it is not allowed to bring your own food here"

The lawyers share a glance, sigh and trade the sandwiches.

I traded my car to get my interest rates lowered

It worked, women are now less interested in me.

A rookie comedian asks an experienced comedian how he manages to cater his jokes toward his audience.

The comedian gives the newcomer a slip of paper with a website url. “This is a forum for comedians where they trade jokes. It’s perfect to find the right joke for the right occasion.”

So just before his first gig at a tailors convention, he looks up “jokes for tailors” on the forum. He manage...

I traded my countertop for a new marble one, but now I miss my old one.

It's like they always say, never take anything for granite

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A famer was in need of shit for his fields

Shit really helped his crops grow. He put the word out and soon the three neighboring farmers arrived to help.

But this farmer was brought up right, and knew you never took something for nothing.

The first guy offered a nice truckload of shit. The farmer offered him some plank boards...

I bought a new puppy for my daughter today!

A pretty fair trade, in my opinion. :D

There’s a lot of blaming and accusations going on concerning the Trump/China trade talks. Basically . . .

It’s a lot of He said Xi said.

Where is the best place to trade Cattle?

At the swap-meat

Currency trading

I used to trade currency. this asian guy came in and wanted to exchange 10,000yen - I gave him $120.

a week later he came in with another 10,000yen - I gave him $105.

a week after that he came in with another 10,000yen - I gave him $135.

the guy said to me in an annoyed voice...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pope goes into a steakhouse

A waiter immediately rushes up to him, but before he can say anything the Pope holds up his hand. "Please," says the Pope, "no fuss. I just wanted to slip away for a few hours and enjoy some good food." And the waiter gives him a nod and says, "No problem, let's find you a quiet seat at the back whe...

The Top 10 Reasons a Gun is better than a woman....

#10. You can trade an old .44 for a new 22

#9. You can keep one Gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

#8. If you admire a friend's Gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7. Your primary Gun doesn't mind if you keep another Gun ...

Since its my cake day

I used to work at a very large balery known for making some of the most exquisite and famous cakes.

These cakes required a very intricate and delicate process to make them and involved a lot of processes and a secret recipe.

However in all my 20 years, the head baker never told me the ...

Chicken restaurants are pretty redundant when you think about it...

They just trade one type of tender for another.

They say once you stop one addiction you trade it for another.

So I stopped chugging beer and started sipping whiskey.

Due to new trade agreements, China becoming increasingly concerned about running out of oil.

No big supplies there.

I was on board with Trump for the groping, the concentration camps, Kim Jong-Un, the trade war, the millionaire tax cut...

But he really needs to watch his language

I hate people who trade with minerals

They take everything for granite

What did Trump say to China during the Trade War Negotiations?

It's my way, my way or the Huawei.

The trade war between the U.S. and China is really devolving

Into a case of he said, Xi said.

An Indian tracker is teaching his son the family trade

After a day of analyzing prints and tracks, the old man laid his head down on the plain. After a moment, he said “Buffalo come.”

The son excitedly asked “How can you tell? Can you hear the hoof beats?”

“No” he replied. “Ear sticky.”

[OC] Why did the guy take machining classes at the all female trade school?

He wanted to get lathed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man decided to go hunting...

He drove up to the wilds and stopped at a hunting supply shop. The owner sold the man a precision hunting rifle and then the man went out to hunt. He’d read lots of information about hunting, picked his spot downwind of the watering hole and he waited... and waited.

He was surprised by a ta...

Did you hear about the Mexican slave trade?

Wasn't a big deal at all.

'Til they offered buy Juan, get Juan free.

Why do pirates love reddit?

Tis the best place to trade stolen content for gold.

Tommo was a canary. [long]

Tommo was a canary. Like his father, and his father before him, Tommo worked in the granite mines. Every morning, he would perch upon the shoulder of his favorite miner, and descend down, down into the deep.

Tommo had a lovely wife canary at home named Millet. Millet and Tommo had two sons...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Charlie was responsible for taking up the offerings at a local church. One Sunday, after the service, the priest counted the money and found there was less than anticipated, given the size of the congregation. He took Charlie aside and questioned him.

Charlie said that he did not take any of the offerings. The priest questioned him again and again and Charlie continued to insist that he did not take any of the offerings. So, the priest told Charlie to get into the confessional, which he did.

The priest then asked him again, "Charlie, did y...

Today I passed my exams to be a funeral director

Shame it's a dying trade

I just bought a mentos 24 pack for my family.

Best trade ever.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johhny was playing with a bottle in the street

when a priest happend to be walking by and said "what are you doing there sonny"
he said, "im playing with this bottle of sulphuric acid"
The priest, shocked said "don't you realise thats very dangerous!? Here, look. I'll trade you this bottle of Holy water.
Little Johnny said "oh, no way"...

China: "We give up, Donald. What'll it take to end the Trade War?

Trump: "You'll have to move all of your factories to the US."

China: "We can't do that."

Trump: "That's too bad, because it's my way or the Huawei."

Albert Einstein was on his way to a convention.

He was talking to his car driver along the way.”You know, this gets boring after a while.” So the car driver responds with,” Then why don’t we trade places, you be the driver and I will be you!”

Einstein loved that idea, and immediately switched clothes with his driver.

As they pulled...

What do you call an alligator that solves crimes and day trades on the side?

An Investigator

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An american, A French , and a Japanese survive a shipwreck...

While clinging to floating debris and paddling towards shore they discuss what they will do to survive. The American dude says: Well, I am a carpenter by trade, so I'll build us a shelter. The French dude says: Ho-hoh! Yers trulee eez the greatest chef ever! I shall make grand meals to feed us! It g...

What's the #1 rule of the spice trade?

Thyme is money.

I saw a sign while driving yesterday that said "Watch for children"

What a good trade

I was hungry and low on potassium, He needed a device to help him weigh things, it seemed like a fair trade...

Banana for scale

In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah and said:

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unen...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A stranger is drinking alone in a small pub...

Until he is approached by an obviously inebriated man. This man begins to ramble on about his trade skills in the village. The stranger tries to shrug him off but he pushes conversation. 'see this pub we are sitting in? I built this pub with my own bare hands. Yet, no one calls me McGregor the bar b...

My friend traded a sausage for a seabird.

He's taken a tern for the wurst.

Hitting a deer with your car is always an unfair trade.

You're out the cost of the insurance deductible, but nature is only out a buck.

What do Hillary Clinton and the World Trade Center have in common?

Both collapsed on 9/11 after becoming overheated.

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