This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.   

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.   

After careful consideration by a team of...

A child is ill and the make a wish foundation asks what he would like more than anything. The child thinks about it and says, "I'd like to trade places with Donald Trump!"

They interpret as he wants to know what it's like to be president for a day.

So they ask Trump, he obliges.

Trump meets the child and asks, "So you want to know what it's like to be
president?"

The child, disappointed, retorts "No, I just wanted you to have cancer."

Can anyone trade me a wheelchair?

I offer a crushed motorbike

What do you call an alligator that solves crimes and day trades on the side?

An Investigator

Why did Margaret Thatcher hate the Trade Unions?

Because they include u and i but not her.

Why do Canadian businessmen go clubbing after a big trade agreement?

To seal the deal

All this talk of trade wars...

It’s just Tariffying

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The say your last name speaks to your ancestor’s trade or status or of their nature. I put some stock in that so that’s why...

I never let my son play with the Dickinson family next door.

I have the best girlfriend i would not trade for anything on earth

but NASA was having this sale on moon rocks at the gift-shop

I hate people who trade with minerals

They take everything for granite

I was at the doctor's today and I learned I have Bartter Syndrome...

Wondering if anyone wants to trade?

​

(Yes that's a true syndrome, and come on, you knew the punchline before you read it).

​

[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bartter\_syndrome](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bartter_syndrome)

I was hungry and low on potassium, He needed a device to help him weigh things, it seemed like a fair trade...

Banana for scale

Hitting a deer with your car is always an unfair trade.

You're out the cost of the insurance deductible, but nature is only out a buck.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Duck Trade

A farmer had a duck but no use for it. One day the father says, "Son, we don’t need the duck. Take it to the market and sell. In the process you might learn something about trade.”

So the son takes the duck and heads to the city. Upon arriving he runs into a hooker. She says, "Hey, wanna have...

I've been reading so much about the scary trade disputes between the US and Canada, I see headlines when I blink...

...Frankly, I'm tariff-eyed.

What do you call the ant in the colony who trades with other ant colonies for resources?

Import-ant

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I knew this girl that tried to trade sex for adderall.

What an attention whore.

A sailor has just signed up to join a Transatlantic trade crew for their latest voyage...

The rest of the crew have worked together for years, so he's the only newbie. Initially, it seems to be a pretty ordinary job.

However, after the initial work of loading the ship and leaving the harbor was done, he noticed something weird.

During lunch or dinner, whenever most of the c...

What's the #1 rule of the spice trade?

Thyme is money.

So I went through a machine which trades the years you have left for loose pennies.

Changed my life.

Why were the people in the World Trade Center mad on 9/11 ?

Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and all they got was plane.

I would trade my legs for 5 million dollars

But I don't think it would be worth it in the long run

I told my friend about the Muslim slave trade the other day...

"Dubai?" He asked

"Yes, and sell" I replied.

I got a new car for my wife!

Best trade I ever made.

What do Hillary Clinton and the World Trade Center have in common?

Both collapsed on 9/11 after becoming overheated.

The Geography of a Woman

The Geography of a Woman

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is li...

Good trade

Man was walking down the street with a case of beer. His friend Sam stops him and asks "what did ya get the beer for?"

I got it for my wife answers the man

Oh exclaims Sam "Good trade"

Defective Turtle

A little boy walks into a pet store carrying a turtle. He goes up to the guy at the counter and says "Meester... I bought this turtle here yesterday but he's defective". The man looks down at the kid and asks "Defective? What's the matter with him?". The boy responds, "He's got bleesters on he's fee...

What's the best trade a palindrome has ever made?

A nut for a jar of tuna.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man tells his best friend (NSFW)

"my wife isn't able to cum, she tells me that she get too hot and just can't get there.."

"how about I come over and Waff a wet towel around, while you two are going at it to cool her off" offers the friend

The husband agrees and the next time the couple go at it, the friend comes over...

Trump wants to cut funding for birth control, renegotiate trade deals, and stop the wars in the Middle East.

It seems pulling out is his solution for everything.

They say that Indian Cooks are a jack of all trades...

But a master of naan.

My girlfriend said this to me when we were getting indian food tonight.

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates…

The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.

After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.

Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of ...

A politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and ...

Bakers trade bread recipes...

on a knead-to-know basis.

What do you call the underground slave trade?

The black market.

My dad just told me that in some cultures, they trade women for cattle.

At first I was a bit concerned, but then I realised putting food on your family's plates was was much more important that cleaning those plates.

What kind of pizzas did Al Qaeda deliver to the World Trade Center?

Two large plains.

The media reported that two Eastern European countries were to play a part in a trade deal during negotiation.

The press later realized that they had misinterpreted a memo from the negotiating parties regarding their lunch order.

An intern was fired for leaving out many crucial details in the memo, including the side dishes and salads, failing to catch an important spelling error, and simplifying thei...

I like my women like the World Trade Centers

Tall, hot, and going down

I got a new cell phone for my wife...

Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!

A man is on a cross-country trip when he picks up a hitchhiker.

During a lull in the conversation, the hitchhiker notices a brown paper bag resting in the center console. The driver notices his glance and says, “That’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife.”

The hitchhiker replies, “That’s a pretty good trade.”

Just heard this variation on an oldie!

A hat maker was trying to sell his hats on a hot summers day. After having no luck for 4 hours under the sun, he decided to take a short rest underneath a gigantic tree. He set his briefcase of hats down, took one out to cover his face, and laid down on the grass. With the shade from his hat and the...

What did DJ Khaled say when the second plane hit the World Trade Center?

Anotha one!

I'm a Jack of all trades

But a master of pun.

A starship engineer trades half their ship's cargo...

For a sub light engine. The captain finds out and is angry:
"Why did you trade valuable cargo for something 1/10th the value?"
The engineer replies: "Sorry captain, it was an impulse buy"

The World Trade Center had a Speed-Reading club

they went thru fifty stories in thirty seconds

A former proctologist was getting tired of his job and the relentless teasing of his friends...

...so he decided to explore the field of auto mechanics.

He went to an auto trade school to get certified and generally excelled at everything. After a lengthy time, the day of his final certification test finally arrived. The former proctologist conducted the hands-on practical and then ea...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I like my coffee like I like my sex.

*Pulls money out of pocket and extends hand in a manner as if to pay someone.*

Fair Trade

A Perilous Situation

A blonde and a redhead are hanging from a cliff by a rope. Things don't look good; the rope will surely snap from their combined weight. Unless one of them lets go, they'll both die. The redhead tells the blonde this. A tense silence falls over them. Finally, the redhead sighs.

"I never thoug...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Reddit, trade Sean Connery jokes with me (warning: contains shockingly bad puns)

The joke I heard here that started it all:

What time does Sean Connery show up at Wimbledon?
*Tennish*

Now, thanks to that discovery, I'm stuck in a tour van with four dudes and we are all hopelessly addicted. Here are what I consider to be our top ten:

1. Did you hear about ...

The iPhone 7 is an of all trades

Sorry, I meant "jack of all trades" but there's no more jack.

Criminal organizations tend to be very environmentally conscious.

Considering how quick they'd bust a cap in yo ass.
How much they deal.
It means they've successfully implemented Cap and Trade.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was a man named Ivan, born and raised in the Soviet Union.

From the moment he was born, he lived in oppression and poverty. His rations were meager, his work in the coal mines hard. But one day, he gets a ray of hope, solace from his hardships, when, as he’s driving his Lada from his home to the local coal mine, he sees a sign.

“Swimming Lessons: Imp...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A porn star comes running up to a laundromat just as it's closing, offering to trade sex so she can wash her clothes. [nsfw]

She just wanted to get one more load in.

The Hitchhiker.

A man is driving across the state to see his wife when he sees a Native American hitchhiker on the side of the road. Thinking he could do with some company, he pulls over and lets the man in, offering him a ride home.

The Native man is grateful, but our driver notices that he keeps eyeing the...

City Scammer

A scam artist from the city needs to lay low for a while an goes to a faraway village where nobody knows him.

​

He thinks to himself: "These people are probably not as smart as the city folk and I could probably get away with a few scams. It'll be easy pickings."

&...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A fisherman walks into /r/jokes...

A fisherman walks into /r/jokes where he meets a bartender. The bartender offers him a drink. The fisherman says he does not have money to pay, so instead he offers a trade-- if he can get the bartender to laugh at his joke, then the bartender should provide a drink for free. The bartender, a smug, ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So Mr. Cohen and Mr. Brown are about to start trade with each other.

Mr. Cohen and Mr. Brown are two business men in New York. Mr. Brown is a fourth generation American, who owns a big clothing store, while Mr. Cohen is an old Jewish man, who immigrated to the U.S from Poland during the war. Mr. Cohen is small business owner, who makes cloth.

One day Mr. Cohen...

Why do pirates love reddit

It is the best place to trade stolen content for gold, arrrrrrr!

a jewish boy and a maffia dons' son decide to trade birthday gifts

the Jewish boy has a rolex watch, the maffia dons' son has a Beretta. they both decide the other has the better gift so they swap gifts and go home. the jewish father finds the Beretta and says " what is this? this is not good, this is not good!"

the mafia don finds the rollex watch and ...

Jamaica is demanding compensation from the UK for our involvement in the slave trade!

Shocking, we already paid for them once!

How the Internet started according to the bible.

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto...

George W. Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump are standing in front of god ...

God begins by asking Bush: "George, in what do you believe?"

Bush: "I believe in free trade and the USA as a strong nation".

God, seemingly impressed: "You may sit to my right".

Then God looks at Obama and asks "Barack, in what do you believe?".

Obama: "I believe in democ...

A guy walks into a car part store...

He says to the man behind the counter, "I need a gas cap for a Geo Metro."

The guy behind the counter thinks for a second and then says, "I think that's a fair trade."

Why did the hipster burn his tongue on his cup of free-trade coffee?

Because he started drinking it before it was cool.

Today a whole bunch of friends in trade school started throwing jokes around. These were the funniest.

What do you call a electrician who tries to be a carpenter?
A lousy carpenter

What do yoy call a carpenter who tries to be an electrican?
A dead carpenter

What do you call a electrician with a hammer?
Thief

A man with a hunchback was walking trough the cemetery.

A ghost spooks him with a question.
- What is that on your back ? the ghost asks.
- Its a hunchback ! the man replies.
- Can i have it ? asks the ghost.
- Shure !!! and the trade is done.
Mindblown,the man goes to his wimp-leg friend and tell him the story.As soon as he finishes tell...

Who are some of the best readers in the world?

World Trade Center workers, some of them can read 50 stories in just 8 seconds!