Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.

After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.

Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his ...

What did Trump say to China during the Trade War Negotiations?

It's my way, my way or the Huawei.

[OC] Why did the guy take machining classes at the all female trade school?

He wanted to get lathed.

China: "We give up, Donald. What'll it take to end the Trade War?

Trump: "You'll have to move all of your factories to the US."

China: "We can't do that."

Trump: "That's too bad, because it's my way or the Huawei."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.   

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.   

After careful consideration by a team of...

What do you call an alligator that solves crimes and day trades on the side?

An Investigator

I hate people who trade with minerals

They take everything for granite

Can anyone trade me a wheelchair?

I offer a crushed motorbike

Why did Margaret Thatcher hate the Trade Unions?

Because they include u and i but not her.

An Indian tracker is teaching his son the family trade

After a day of analyzing prints and tracks, the old man laid his head down on the plain. After a moment, he said “Buffalo come.”

The son excitedly asked “How can you tell? Can you hear the hoof beats?”

“No” he replied. “Ear sticky.”

A child is ill and the make a wish foundation asks what he would like more than anything. The child thinks about it and says, "I'd like to trade places with Donald Trump!"

They interpret as he wants to know what it's like to be president for a day.

So they ask Trump, he obliges.

Trump meets the child and asks, "So you want to know what it's like to be
president?"

The child, disappointed, retorts "No, I just wanted you to have cancer."

Why do Canadian businessmen go clubbing after a big trade agreement?

To seal the deal

All this talk of trade wars...

It’s just Tariffying

I have the best girlfriend i would not trade for anything on earth

but NASA was having this sale on moon rocks at the gift-shop

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The say your last name speaks to your ancestor’s trade or status or of their nature. I put some stock in that so that’s why...

I never let my son play with the Dickinson family next door.

A sailor has just signed up to join a Transatlantic trade crew for their latest voyage...

The rest of the crew have worked together for years, so he's the only newbie. Initially, it seems to be a pretty ordinary job.

However, after the initial work of loading the ship and leaving the harbor was done, he noticed something weird.

During lunch or dinner, whenever most of the c...

I was hungry and low on potassium, He needed a device to help him weigh things, it seemed like a fair trade...

Banana for scale

Hitting a deer with your car is always an unfair trade.

You're out the cost of the insurance deductible, but nature is only out a buck.

I was at the doctor's today and I learned I have Bartter Syndrome...

Wondering if anyone wants to trade?

​

(Yes that's a true syndrome, and come on, you knew the punchline before you read it).

​

[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bartter\_syndrome](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bartter_syndrome)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I knew this girl that tried to trade sex for adderall.

What an attention whore.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Duck Trade

A farmer had a duck but no use for it. One day the father says, "Son, we don’t need the duck. Take it to the market and sell. In the process you might learn something about trade.”

So the son takes the duck and heads to the city. Upon arriving he runs into a hooker. She says, "Hey, wanna have...

I've been reading so much about the scary trade disputes between the US and Canada, I see headlines when I blink...

...Frankly, I'm tariff-eyed.

What's the #1 rule of the spice trade?

Thyme is money.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This joke was posted by the user u/propane13 a year ago and it’s brilliant and I thought more people need to see it so here it is (I take absolutely no credit for this)

A fisherman walks into /r/jokes where he meets a bartender. The bartender offers him a drink. The fisherman says he does not have money to pay, so instead he offers a trade-- if he can get the bartender to laugh at his joke, then the bartender should provide a drink for free. The bartender, a smug, ...

So I went through a machine which trades the years you have left for loose pennies.

Changed my life.

What do you call the ant in the colony who trades with other ant colonies for resources?

Import-ant

What do Hillary Clinton and the World Trade Center have in common?

Both collapsed on 9/11 after becoming overheated.

I would trade my legs for 5 million dollars

But I don't think it would be worth it in the long run

I told my friend about the Muslim slave trade the other day...

"Dubai?" He asked

"Yes, and sell" I replied.

I got a new car for my wife!

Best trade I ever made.

What do you call trade and commerce in the United States?

'Muricantile
Came up with this yesterday, hope you guys like it

They say that Indian Cooks are a jack of all trades...

But a master of naan.

My girlfriend said this to me when we were getting indian food tonight.

Why were the people in the World Trade Center mad on 9/11 ?

Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and all they got was plane.

Good trade

Man was walking down the street with a case of beer. His friend Sam stops him and asks "what did ya get the beer for?"

I got it for my wife answers the man

Oh exclaims Sam "Good trade"

Why would someone make an open-world, action-adventure game dealing with the Caribbean drug trade?

Just 'cause.

What's the best trade a palindrome has ever made?

A nut for a jar of tuna.

I like my women like my coffee

Any color, size, and shape is fine as long as they're sweet, warm, complex, and fair trade.

Bakers trade bread recipes...

on a knead-to-know basis.

Trump wants to cut funding for birth control, renegotiate trade deals, and stop the wars in the Middle East.

It seems pulling out is his solution for everything.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A joke about a duck

So the farmer doesn't have a lot of money he tells both of his sons are 18 and 19 to each take a duck and whoever comes back at the end of the day with the most money for their duck gets to keep it so the nineteen-year-old goes out and he gets $25 for his duck but the younger brother who is 18 walks...

What kind of pizzas did Al Qaeda deliver to the World Trade Center?

Two large plains.

What do you call the underground slave trade?

The black market.

I like my women like the World Trade Centers

Tall, hot, and going down

The media reported that two Eastern European countries were to play a part in a trade deal during negotiation.

The press later realized that they had misinterpreted a memo from the negotiating parties regarding their lunch order.

An intern was fired for leaving out many crucial details in the memo, including the side dishes and salads, failing to catch an important spelling error, and simplifying thei...

Champion Nails is in trouble.....

Stan owns Champion nails the company. Sales are well down. One night he meets an old friend in the local pub. (Its a nice old pub, with a lovely barmaid with a beautiful rack, and hops and things hanging everywhere). Anyway, Stan is telling his old friend - Chester, how things are not going well and...

I'm a Jack of all trades

But a master of pun.

My dad just told me that in some cultures, they trade women for cattle.

At first I was a bit concerned, but then I realised putting food on your family's plates was was much more important that cleaning those plates.

A guy walks into an auto parts store and says "I need a gas cap for m Chevy."

The guy behind the counter thinks for a second and says "OK, that sounds like a fair trade."

A starship engineer trades half their ship's cargo...

For a sub light engine. The captain finds out and is angry:
"Why did you trade valuable cargo for something 1/10th the value?"
The engineer replies: "Sorry captain, it was an impulse buy"

The iPhone 7 is an of all trades

Sorry, I meant "jack of all trades" but there's no more jack.

The Geography of a Woman

The Geography of a Woman

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is li...

The World Trade Center had a Speed-Reading club

they went thru fifty stories in thirty seconds

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Eastern Europe Loved the USSR

In 1970 a Soviet trade delegation visits Czechoslovakia. The delegation is met at the airport by the minister for trade, and as the minister and the leader of the delegation drive to the city in the minister’s Zil limousine, the minister points out a large bronze statue of Lenin just outside the air...

A preacher moves to a new neighborhood...

He rides his bike around the neighborhood checking it out, and comes across a little boy with a lawn mower and a for sale sign.

Preacher:Why you selling the lawnmower?

Boy:I'm tired of mowing, I want a bike to ride around on.

Preacher:Well I just moved here and I need a lawnmowe...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two Guys Are Playing Tennis, One Said To The Other...

Maan! My elbow hurts like hell, what should I do about it?? His friend quickly replied, well you could just go down to that new drug store they just built not far from here. They’ve got this, NEW technology, and boy is it amazing— there’s a machine in there that you just put a sample of pee in a tub...

Defective Turtle

A little boy walks into a pet store carrying a turtle. He goes up to the guy at the counter and says "Meester... I bought this turtle here yesterday but he's defective". The man looks down at the kid and asks "Defective? What's the matter with him?". The boy responds, "He's got bleesters on he's fee...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man tells his best friend (NSFW)

"my wife isn't able to cum, she tells me that she get too hot and just can't get there.."

"how about I come over and Waff a wet towel around, while you two are going at it to cool her off" offers the friend

The husband agrees and the next time the couple go at it, the friend comes over...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Reddit, trade Sean Connery jokes with me (warning: contains shockingly bad puns)

The joke I heard here that started it all:

What time does Sean Connery show up at Wimbledon?
*Tennish*

Now, thanks to that discovery, I'm stuck in a tour van with four dudes and we are all hopelessly addicted. Here are what I consider to be our top ten:

1. Did you hear about ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A porn star comes running up to a laundromat just as it's closing, offering to trade sex so she can wash her clothes. [nsfw]

She just wanted to get one more load in.

The Hitchhiker.

A man is driving across the state to see his wife when he sees a Native American hitchhiker on the side of the road. Thinking he could do with some company, he pulls over and lets the man in, offering him a ride home.

The Native man is grateful, but our driver notices that he keeps eyeing the...

A politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So Mr. Cohen and Mr. Brown are about to start trade with each other.

Mr. Cohen and Mr. Brown are two business men in New York. Mr. Brown is a fourth generation American, who owns a big clothing store, while Mr. Cohen is an old Jewish man, who immigrated to the U.S from Poland during the war. Mr. Cohen is small business owner, who makes cloth.

One day Mr. Cohen...

Just heard this variation on an oldie!

A hat maker was trying to sell his hats on a hot summers day. After having no luck for 4 hours under the sun, he decided to take a short rest underneath a gigantic tree. He set his briefcase of hats down, took one out to cover his face, and laid down on the grass. With the shade from his hat and the...

A man is on a cross-country trip when he picks up a hitchhiker.

During a lull in the conversation, the hitchhiker notices a brown paper bag resting in the center console. The driver notices his glance and says, “That’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife.”

The hitchhiker replies, “That’s a pretty good trade.”

I got a new cell phone for my wife...

Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!

a jewish boy and a maffia dons' son decide to trade birthday gifts

the Jewish boy has a rolex watch, the maffia dons' son has a Beretta. they both decide the other has the better gift so they swap gifts and go home. the jewish father finds the Beretta and says " what is this? this is not good, this is not good!"

the mafia don finds the rollex watch and ...

Jamaica is demanding compensation from the UK for our involvement in the slave trade!

Shocking, we already paid for them once!

A former proctologist was getting tired of his job and the relentless teasing of his friends...

...so he decided to explore the field of auto mechanics.

He went to an auto trade school to get certified and generally excelled at everything. After a lengthy time, the day of his final certification test finally arrived. The former proctologist conducted the hands-on practical and then ea...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I like my coffee like I like my sex.

*Pulls money out of pocket and extends hand in a manner as if to pay someone.*

Fair Trade

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was a man named Ivan, born and raised in the Soviet Union.

From the moment he was born, he lived in oppression and poverty. His rations were meager, his work in the coal mines hard. But one day, he gets a ray of hope, solace from his hardships, when, as he’s driving his Lada from his home to the local coal mine, he sees a sign.

“Swimming Lessons: Imp...

A Perilous Situation

A blonde and a redhead are hanging from a cliff by a rope. Things don't look good; the rope will surely snap from their combined weight. Unless one of them lets go, they'll both die. The redhead tells the blonde this. A tense silence falls over them. Finally, the redhead sighs.

"I never thoug...

Why did the hipster burn his tongue on his cup of free-trade coffee?

Because he started drinking it before it was cool.

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