As a fat guy, I tend to avoid wearing skinny jeans.

I find it difficult to pull it off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Try to avoid messing with asexual people.

They don’t fuck around.

How do you avoid procrastination?

I have a great punchline, but I’ll edit it in later.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does one avoid an arrest for prostitution?

Make sure the camera is rolling. It's a porno right?

What room do ghosts avoid?

The living room.

I’ve started deliberately getting hard before taking a leak. It helps me avoid getting any on the seat or floor.

You could say I please to aim

LPT: Now that it is summer time, avoid swimming in waters that have strong currents, it is very dangerous..

.. you risk getting electrocuted.

I just printed some pamphlets on how not to say the wrong thing and avoid getting into fights.

Who wants some?

What type of drink do insects avoid?

Fly's water.

*(fly-swatter)*



It's bad, but I just thought of it while reaching for my fly-swatter...

"Today I'm planning to read a book on how to avoid information overload"

"But before I start reading, I need to catch up on my latest tv shows, games, news and reddit, and-"

People tend to avoid me, since I have schizophrenia...

But at least I have each other.

You won't believe how 90% people discovered they cant avoid clickbait!

Apparently you are in the 90%

A poor old lady was forced to sell her valuables to avoid eviction.

As she rummaged through her dusty belongings, she came across a dull copper kettle. Intrigued by it’s possible value the old woman dusted it off and BAM! A genie erupted from its neck.

The genie says “I have seen your plights, and will grant you three wishes.”

The woman, astounded, t...

How to avoid clickbait ?

Not like this

Avoid dangerous cults.

Practice safe sects.

How can you avoid hitting your fingers when you drive in a nail with a hammer ?

Hold the hammer with both hands.

Why do public servants avoid looking out the window before lunchtime?

So they'll have something to do in the afternoon.

I have 2 friends name Juan, to avoid confusion I call the first one Juan and I call the second one....

Another Juan!

I asked my girlfriend how she avoids click-bait..

Her answer may shock you!

Trump tries to avoid the wind, not because of his hair...

But because of the draft.

What is the best way to avoid asian flu?

Have a Phu shot.

Do you know how to avoid clickbait?

Apparently not.


-

Why did the safety manager avoid the pile of LSD in the middle of the floor?

He felt it was a tripping hazard.

What kind of dinosaur avoids manual labour?

Mybakisaur.

A good advice to avoid click bait

Better luck next time.

What state do miners avoid?

Ore gon

Why did the burglar avoid stealing the kitchen utensils?

He decided it wasn't worth the wisk.

A new professor asked one of his former teachers how to avoid getting nervous when speaking in front of the class.

“I always just pictured my audience naked.” He replied.

“But Mr. Jameson...” said the professor, “You taught Kindergarten.”

Why did the Anti vax person avoid college parties?

There were way too many shots going around.

Did you hear about the math teacher who’s afraid of negative numbers?

He will stop at nothing to avoid them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to avoid tickets

The policeman approaches the drivers door.
"Is there a problem, Officer?"
The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"
The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
"You don't have one?"
The man responds, "I lost it four times for...

My mother always told me to avoid dating people who wear Doc Martens

They've got trusty shoes

Why do pirates avoid sailing in shallow water?

With only one eye, they have terrible depth perception.

There are so many scams on the internet. It’s hard to avoid them.

Luckily I know how. Pm me $19.95 and I’ll explain the details.

Always avoid alliteration

You're a Savage Warrior. You're a barbarian.

You come from a city in Iran. You're a Barbar Barbarian.

You're known for hanging around your favorite drinking establishment. You're a Barbar bar barbarian.

You get exiled. You're a barred Barbar bar barbarian.

You get a j...

Seminar "How to avoid frauds" is canceled.

Tickets are non-refundable.

A man was caught in a river current and hanging on to some rocks in order to avoid being carried away.



Nasrudin and a friend noticed him, and the friend went up to him, extended his arm, and said, "Give me your hand so I can help you out."

The man, however, did not cooperate.

Nasrudin then asked the man what he did for a living.

"I collect taxes," the other replied.
...

My doctor told me I should avoid trans fats

So I've just deleted my Tumblr.

Do you know how to avoid reposts?

Apparently yes, because this is not a repost. Good job.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I try to avoid sexual innuendos

But it’s hard. Soo hard.

Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him.

Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks. "I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still go...

A woman once gave birth to 100 children and to avoid confusion, she simply named them after the number of their conception. Unfortunately, all of them, except for #90, died at a very young age...

90 was a little girl who grew up to be a great woman.

She married at a young age and gave birth to two children, a daughter and a son.

Unlike her own mother, she gave her offspring actual names.

But their names don't matter.

One day, the daughter and the son came acros...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I understand many men avoid female urologists because they fear the embarrassment in case they get a boner.

But (whispering) wouldn't this be even more embarrassing with a male one?

Yo mama so fat. . .

I swerved my car to avoid hitting her and ran out of gas.

If I was a vampire I would have to avoid blood type B-.

It brings me down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do aliens avoid having sex in public?

They prefer to come in peace

WARNING: Men should avoid drinking beer

Beer contains phytoestrogens that increase the female hormone estrogen in men, lowering their testosterone levels.

In fact it has been proven that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

In a study 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate the reasons girls come up with to avoid sex

"I'm tired, I've had a long day, I have a headache, I'm your sister"....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A good friend of mine asked a plumber the best way to avoid clogging the toilet. The plumber told him he should only pee and never poop.

My friend was like, "Really? No shit?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One should avoid marriage at any cost. Marriage is hard work. And compromise. And more work.

Even Hitler committed suicide 40 hours after marriage.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does a robot avoid getting caught for public masturbation?

He nuts and bolts.

Nothing is funnier than watching newscasters try to avoid saying sh*t hole

By saying as*hole

I don't like elevators, I take steps to avoid them

I don't trust stairs either, they are always up to something

Why do terrorists avoid Indian food?

Cause when you've got C-4 falling out of your ass, the last thing you need is sudden, explosive diarrhoea.

Don't trust people who avoid the sun.

They're shady.

How do you avoid bats flying into your face?

Don't go to baseball games.

Do you know how to avoid a clickbait?

Obviously not.

Avoid distraction at all costs.

Otherwise you'll end Up is such a great Pixar movie, maybe their best?

You know you're drunk when you've got to swerve to avoid a pine tree in the middle of the road...

...only to realize it was the air freshener hanging from your rear view mirror.

How to avoid clickbait. Rule 1: Don't click on this.

Rule 2: You are all hopeless idiots.

The *REAL* Way to Avoid Clickbait

Seriously guys, this is Reddit.

What were you expecting?

I’m deathly afraid of elevators

I’m gonna start taking steps to avoid them

He didn't avoid the subject of his erectile dysfunction,

it just never came up.

What do you call a river that hipsters avoid?

Main stream

The best way to avoid getting bitten by a black widow...

...is not wearing a red tie to her Crip husband's funeral.

If you have epilepsy, it's important to avoid reading Roman history books.

It could cause a Caesar.

I spent the night at an Amish hotel, and to avoid oversleeping

I had them send me a wake\-up letter for 7 am.

As a man i avoid wearing pink shirts or anything too feminine ..

thats why my bra and panties are always black.

Husband comes home way too drunk. To avoid a fight with his wife...

...he takes his laptop and starts working.

Wife: Don't tell me you broke your promise again and got drunk.

Husband: No sweetheart.

Wife: Then what the hell are are trying to type on a suitcase.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman visited an Amazonian tribe on a research trip...

She spent several days taking notes on the lifestyle and habits of the tribe and interviewing their ruler, King Paolo, via an interpreter. As the tribe's land was near several rich gold mines, the king and his people were extremely wealthy.

During the woman's time with him, the king fell hop...

I've just finished reading a brilliant book titled, "How to avoid getting ripped off".

Best $600 I have ever spent!

At 1:58 two young girls ran out in front of my car, so I slammed on my breaks and honked my horn. On the other side of the road behind the wheel was an African activist, who had to slam on his breaks to avoid hitting a pair of young girls as well.

Desmond Tutu tooted two too, at two to two.

Micky Mouse isn't quick enough to avoid my punches.

But Donald ducks.

10 ways to avoid clickbait!

Well, that wasn't one of them..

Irish - Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision

British - Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision

Irish - Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to
the south to avoid a collision

British - This is the captain of a British Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.

I...

I try to avoid the homeless horse down the street

I hear he's unstabled

You won't believe these 7 things you can do to avoid click bait

Redditors hate them

Do you know why women aren’t allowed in space?

To avoid scenarios like: "Houston, we have a problem!"

"What is the problem?"

"Yeah, great, pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about!"

Why do people always avoid talking about hands?

They're a touchy subject.

What did the busy BDSM enthusiast say to avoid coming into work?

"Sorry, my hands are tied!" ^^im ^^^so ^^^^sorry

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