Why are condoms referred to as "protection"?

I was wearing one yesterday and I still got hit by that bus!

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What do Jersey girls use as protection during sex?

Bus shelters

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Condoms don't really guarantee full protection during sex.

A friend of mine was wearing one and got shot by the girl's boyfriend.

A guy goes to his doctor and says, my girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never breaks. How is it possible? Let me tell you a story, the doctor says...

There was once a hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his umbrella instead of his gun and went out. A lion suddenly jumped in front of him. In order to scare the lion the hunter used the umbrella like a gun, and shot the lion. It died.

Guy: Nonsense! Someone e...

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Why is college like being sexual active without protection?condom?

It's really fun until you get tested.

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If Thor was gay, what protection would he use?

Ass-guard

LPT: Always wear hearing protection when you go to concerts

This is sound advice.

What does a nuclear reactor and your mom have in common?

I wouldn't enter either one without protection.

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Three men go to hell and they’re pissed

“Surely we weren’t that bad?” they ask themselves. “There has to be something we can do to get out of here.”

Satan suddenly appears and says “Oh, but there is! Withstand ten whippings from my trusty whip here and you’re free to go. I’ll even let you pick something to cover your back with”
...

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Did you know that Gordon Ramsay is against using protection during sex?

Every time he starts out by yelling, "It's fucking raw!"

Protection

A woman was driving Up North late at night when her car broke down. About a mile down the road, she saw a cabin in the woods. Two men came out.

"Can we help ya, miss?"

"Yes, my car broke down about a mile back. Could you drive me to the nearest town so I can get a tow truck?"

"...

Why are Safety Goggles better protection than Sunglasses for heavy duty jobs?

Because Sunglasses only provide light resistance

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My wife and I don’t use protection during sex but...

When I pulled out, there was suddenly a magnum condom on my penis. Should I be worried?

In the year 2020, the Lord came unto Noah, Who was now living in America and said:

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."

"Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:

"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start...

Remember proper protection this valentines day

Ensure your safeword is at least 8 characters long and has a fair mix of uppercase, lowercase and digits

American teachers are now going to be armed with pistols for protection.

Librarians will be issued silencers.

What does black panther use as protection?

Wakondoms

I named my data endpoint protection AI "Johnny".

He's my Johnny D.E.P.P.

For all you ladies who didn't use protection this weekend

Happy Mother's Day!

What fo Catholics call the act of sentencing those who use protection to Hell?

Condomnation

Shoutout to the ex-mobster who, through witness protection, was relocated in a house under the sea.

Rest easy, you’re sleeping with the fishes now.

Understanding Pregnancy

A man goes to the doctor and says to the doctor "My wife is pregnant but we always use protection and I KNOW that it never broke, how could this happen?"

The doctor sits the man down and says "let me tell you a story, there was a hunter who always brought his gun with him everywhere he went. ...

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Husband says to his wife that he is going golfing. She gets upset because she thought they would spend the day together.

Husband: "honey just give me the day I need to relieve some stress. Besides You don't even golf."


Wife: "I want to learn and besides it's something we can do together."


The husband begrudgingly accepts his wife request and they go to the golf course. On the first tee the hu...

Why are there more slugs in the world than snails?

Because slugs don't wear protection.

If I had a pound for every email I got about data protection...

Well that's private

When you start potty training a child...

...you take them out of wetness protection.

New Harley-Davidson

A young man has always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson
One day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer. After picking out the perfect bike, the dealer asks if he would like some extra chrome protection added to the bill. The young man is upset because he does not ha...

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I had sex for the first time.

I had been with this girl for a while, and things were getting hot. One time she asked me if I brought protection, which I did. I explained that I didnt know how to use it. She showed me how to put it on using her index finger. After we shut off the lights, I fumbled around, but managed to get it on...

What do you call an orgy without protection?

The Big Bang, as a lot of existence just got started.

Did you hear that anti-vaxxers will receive protection under the Endangered Species Act?

Their offspring is threatened with extinction.

Why do they put protection buoys on boats during docking?

To protect it from pier pressure.

What's the best form of protection when you don't have a condom?

A fake name

A wealthy elderly man is on his honeymoon with his much younger bride

As they're about to consummate the marriage, he starts putting on a condom.

"Oh don't be silly" she remarks, "We shouldn't need to use one of those at your age."



"Oh no, it's not for protection" he says, "I just like the smell of burning rubber."

Peace, Love and Happiness

A very strict man had three hot daughters, named Peace, Love and Happiness. He always hated any guy his daughters brought home - always told them there was no man good enough for his daughters.

Peace was dating a boy he particularly hated, but she kept dating him anyway. Once Peace and her bo...

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