This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the average penis size of law enforcement?

9mm

a parking enforcement officer just cast a spell on me because I parked in a handicap spot illegally

“you will be toad”

Interpol developed a test to figure out the best Law enforcement team in the world. Today's test involved the Scotland Yard, the FBI and Rio's Military Police.

The test consisted of releasing a bunny in the woods and giving it a 1 hour head start. The police department that found the bunny in the least amount of time would go on to the next phase.

First one to go was Scotland Yard. Using their best detectives, deductive skills and evidence analysis,...

Law Enforcement

Back in the 80's the government wanted to have a competition to see which branch of law enforcement was most effective. They released 3 rabbits into 3 separate forests and asked the FBI, the CIA, and the LAPD to go find the rabbits. The FBI, after questioning the plants and minerals, determine rabb...

The Law Enforcement Test

The President wants to know which of the enforcement agencies is the best at convicting criminals so he sets a test for the CIA, FBI and LAPD. He releases a rabbit into the forest and asks them to apprehend it.

The CIA go in first, using drones to scan the trees, paying the other animals for ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can't watch erotic law enforcement videos without snacks.

I need popcorn for my cop porn.

A classic joke from Ronald Regan (Not exactly accurate)

There are two Russians in the Soviet Union talking to each other and a curfew is about to be enforced

The two men say goodbye to each other and just as they do a soviet soldier walks over to the both of them and shoots one of the men dead

The other man says “Why did you shoot him?” <...

How many law enforcement officers does it take to throw a handcuffed person down concrete stairs?

None. They fell.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Australia should hire WWE wrestlers to enforce sentencing on convicted sex offenders.

That way we can have Undertaker and Mankind throw Pell in a cell.

Do you know what an enforcer does on a hockey team?

Just checking.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Japan enforce strict BMI regulations at work?

They all remember what the first fat man did to them.

Why does death exist?

To enforce term limits on politicians.

If Apple made a drug enforcement agency...

...it would be a good iDEA

Man shoots another man five times but insists to law enforcement that it was an accident...

"How can you shoot someone five times by accident?" The officer asked.

"Well i was aiming for the man beside him but i have a lazy eye" the man said.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Voodoo dildo

A man walks into a sex shop and tells the shopkeeper that he'll be going on a trip soon. He tells the shopkeeper that his wife is very sexually active, and to keep her happy he wants to get her something to keep herself busy. The shopkeeper goes to the backroom and brings the man a box. The shopkeep...

What do you call the religious leader of law enforcement?

the popope.

I once saw a sign that said "Speed limit enforced by aircraft."

I'm pretty sure if you're getting pulled over by an F-16, you deserve to be driving that fast.

Garlic

The most effective social distancing enforcer.

How do cats report crimes?

They call Paw Enforcement!



...I'll show myself out

What Makes Harry Potter a Great Mob Enforcer?

He is the best at catching snitches.

A state trooper pulls over a farmer...

A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he ...

Homeless & unemployed cyborg law enforcer

Hobocop

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two intelligence agencies and a law enforcement organisation enter a competition.

They are supposed to be tested who can capture a fugitive in the best way possible.
The first is the CIA. The organizers of the competition let a rabbit loose in a forest. The CIA enters and after 2 hours of complete silence they exit the forest with the rabbit in their hands.
Second enters t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Various law enforcement agencies have a fugitive tracking competition. A forest is divided by high fences into 100-acre sections, a squirrel is released into each one, and the game begins.

The CIA fill their section with animal agents all wearing wires. After three months with no leads, they announce that the squirrel never really existed.

The FBI works for a month and gets no leads. They burn down the forest, positively ID the squirrel remains, and announce at a press conferen...

What is a Mafia enforcer's favorite game?

Whack-A-Mole

There was a lad named John

There was a lad named John who was dealt a bad hand since he was born. He was an orphan who was brought up in a for profit orphanage, leading him to suffer mental trauma amongst other issues. After turning 16, he was kicked out of the orphanage with no support whatsoever. Not knowing what to do, he ...

What did the US say to the EU?

451 Unavailable

We recognize you are attempting to access this website from a country belonging to the European Economic Area (EEA) including the EU which enforces the general data protection regulation(GDPR) and therefore access cannot be granted at this time.

A bird and weed story

In the 1970s, law enforcement officers on the California coast would gather all the confiscated marijuana plants and burn them in a giant incinerator. Terns would fly overhead and inhale the fumes. At the end of the day, they found that no terns were left unstoned.

The man who saved Reddit

In the not too distant future, web censorship is pervasive; speech and freedom are strangers to one another; while pirates sail the seas with impunity, digital pirates are incarcerated by the busload.

Anyone who speaks out against this ban on open-dialogue or the free-sharing-of-ideas is grou...

Adam and Eve

Adam is sitting in the Garden of Eden, talking to God.

He says to God “You’ve given me life, the purpose of naming every animal, and plenty of food to eat. You’ve made me comfortable, kept me well fed, and a sense of purpose. However, I’m feeling quite lonely; is there anything you can do to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is speeding down the highway

while driving her convertible sports car. She flies past a billboard, behind which is parked a highway patrol officer. Startled by her outrageous velocity, the cop flicks on his lights and siren and pulls out from his hiding spot, tearing up asphalt to close the gap.

She notices his approach...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bank robber and her husband were being chased by the police

A bank robber and her husband were being chased by the police

In order to shake off the heat, the couple rushed into a Victoria's secret to blend in with the crowd and hide.

By the time two officers had shown up, the weird looks and perfume that everyone was berating them with were inc...

Welcome back to /u/JokeExplainBot

I banned on a rule that we had enforced in the past. However, we talked the issue over and were able to reach common ground. Sorry for any trouble this caused.

/u/ElderCunningham

Great Deal at the Grocery Store

Bill is a man in his forties and he gathered his old fraternity brothers together for a weekend to play some poke, reminisce about old times and complain about their lives. Particularly, Bill had marital troubles, and was explaining his worries that his wife was cheating on him.
One of the guy...

What do you call people who protect their yards?

Lawn Enforcement.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sniffer dog on a plane

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his Black Labrador in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.

The second ma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the land of Cheerios...

In the land of Cheerios there is a cast system. At the top there are the king and queen Cheerios, next come the noble Cheerios, then the night Cheerios who are responsible for law enforcement in the land, then come the peasant Cheerios who are somewhat oppressed but work hard and get by, and then th...

Why is Hillary Clinton running for President?

Because it's easier than running from Law Enforcement.

War has broken out....

War has broken out and conscription is enforced. John's birthday is called and he is summoned for basic training.
Once he completes his training, he is sent straight to the front. Upon arriving, he finds out that there is a shortage of weapons.
His commanding officer tells him that it's ok, be...

Best cat jokes lmao

Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

What is a cat's way of keeping law & order? Claw Enforcement.

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.

What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? The purrpatrator.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there is an elite team being put together for a government agency...

This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. And the ONLY requirements are you have to be married, you cant have any children, and you must have a law enforcement/military background. So police officers and ex military from all parts of the state start lining up and fighting for the position. And after...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A planes engine has failed and the aircraft going to crash in the next few minutes

There are 4 people on board, the crew has already abandoned the plane with most of the parachutes. There is only 3 left.

On board is a priest, Stevie wonder, a cop and a young girl.

The cop assumes control of the situation and begins to hand out the parachute to those he views that de...

About wearing the hijab...(x-post from /r/Islam)

I grew up in a fairly religious household and my parents are both practicing, despite that the hijab was never really something we talked about. My mom keeps a dupatta and wears hijab and burqa when she goes outside but she never taught me to wear it or ever enforced it on me. Recently, I started we...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NBC President Flies Into Rage After Network Fails to Produce Industry Minimum Ten Cop Shows‏

NEW YORK - During a staff meeting this week, NBC President of Entertainment Robert Greenblatt erupted into a profanity-laced tirade when he was informed that the network's new season of prime-time dramas and comedies failed to meet The Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (AMPTP) requ...

Pet Lobsters on a Beach

A man is walking a long a beach with a bucket of fresh lobsters, when he is stopped by a local law enforcement officer.

"You cannot have those lobsters! We take lobster poaching very seriously."

"Oh, no sir, these are not poached. These are actually my pet lobsters. Every day I walk t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I respect the Secret Service

They are the only law enforcement agency in the country that gets in trouble if a black man gets shot.

Bubba n' Buford IV

Law enforcement officers in east Texas must also be linguists on occasion just to communicate. Take the time Bubba n' Buford were pulled over outside of Madisonville and the officer walked up and simply said "You boys have any ID?". Now that would seem a simple, clearly understood request...but no...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.