I had a joke on nobel prize,

But mathematicians won't get it...

Three scientists were awarded the Nobel Prize for their work on black holes. The Trump Administration immediately objected

and said that research would should be directed towards white holes as well.

Can conspiracy theorists win a Nobel Prize?

They already have a Theory of Everything.

What do a Nobel prize winner and an everyday farmer have in common?

Both are outstanding in their field

Why did the scarecrow get a nobel prize?

Because he was out-standing in his field.

Apologies if this has been posted, it’s new to me.

Alfred Nobel was a great guy. He was a scientist, engineer, and he created dynamite. He also created the Nobel Prizes.

He was so amazing that he blew everyone away

I was at a party and there was a big bowl of mixed alcohol and fruit juice, with a long line of brain surgeons, rocket scientists, and Nobel prize winners all queuing up to drink it...

...I thought what a great punch line.

Many people hoped to win a Nobel prize this year

But just one of them was Goodenough.

A Nobel Prize winning mathematician is traveling from university to university on a speaking tour by limousine.

A Nobel Prize winning mathematician is traveling from university to university on a speaking tour by limousine. After several engagements the mathematician and his driver are having dinner and the driver says "I've heard your speech so many times I think I could give it word-for-word." The mathemati...

Nobel Prize

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace prize

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A physicist recently won a Nobel Prize...

Over the course of the next few weeks he is welcomed to many ceremonies and events as a guest speaker.

On the way to the next event at Caltech University, he rehearses his speech again. During a pause, his driver says "You know I've heard your speech so many times I pretty much can recite it...

Did you hear that Trump has been nominated for a Nobel Prize?

He gave Peas a chance.

Why Marie Curie won two Nobel Prizes?

Because she was very rad.

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Nobel Prize

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of nothing but grass.

He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing absolutely nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of ...

Why did the farmer win the Nobel Prize?

There was a clerical error. The award was intended to go to Malala Yousafzai for her advocacy work for education for young girls.

Why did Alexander Graham Bell never receive a nobel prize?

Because it's a "no bell" prize.

Nobel Prize winners are a lot like farmers

Oftentimes they are outstanding in their field.

Nobel Prize

Who ever invented Knock, Knock Jokes should win the No-bell Prize.

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There once was a mathematician.

He made it his life’s goal to tackle one of the greatest unsolved calculus problems in history. For months he worked, filling blackboards with numbers and lines, to no avail.

After a year of struggling, he was ready to give up. He pulled out the bottle of wine that was *meant* to toast his s...

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An old Justin Wilson joke

An old, crotchety farmer woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. The man clutched his chest and fumbled for the telephone to call an ambulance, fearing that he was having a heart attack.

Upon arriving at the hospital, the man, stable but still in quite a bit of pain, was greeted ...

Your Mama so fat

That she's the super massive compact object at the centre of the galaxy and they gave a Nobel prize today for discovering her.

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a list of puns!

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

I always knock on the door and don't use the doorbell.

I think i deserve a Nobel prize.

A boy was standing in his father's wheat farm for several hours.....

His father finally asked him "son, why are you wasting your time standing out here?"


Son replied "father, I am not wasting my time, I am trying to win a nobel prize!"


The father thought he was studying the environment and was impressed, still he asked "how do you plan on doing ...

Did you hear about the person who invented the "knock-knock" joke?

He won the Nobel prize.

I won a doorbell competition even though mine was missing.

They gave me the Nobel prize.

Why didn't the scientist install a door bell at his home?

Because he wanted a Nobel prize.

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The Telling Tale of Oliver Tin

When he was young, Oliver Tin knew nothing about what he wanted to do, except that he wanted to do everything.

At the age of 5, he had already mastered reading, and had grown bored of all the literature he could find, fiction or not. Oliver Tin took this boredom as an obligation to produce wo...

I have the memory of a goldfish

And a Nobel prize for inventing the device that could extract it.

Boudreaux picked Thibodeaux up for work every morning. One morning Thibodeaux didn't answer so Boudreaux left with out him. On his way out, he noticed Thibodeaux out in his cow pasture just standing there with his hands in his pockets.

On his way home from work Thibodeaux was in the same spot. Boudreaux didn't think much of it until the next morning. Thibodeaux didn't answer again so he went on down and there he was still in the middle of the pasture. This got the best of Boudreaux so he stopped to see what had gotten into his fri...

Niche joke for us academics...

The Devil was wandering through the Physics building late one night when he happened upon the lab of a hard-working assistant professor.

“Could I interest you in a deal?” the devil asked. “Suppose I fix things so that for the next ten years you publish every piece of research you do, ground-b...

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhino?

The Nobel Prize in Genetics.

Just found this joke in my Chem eng textbook

The little-known rare earth element nauseum (atomic weight 172) has the interesting property
of being completely insoluble in everything but 12-year-old bourbon. This curious fact was discovered in the laboratory of Professor Ludwig von Schlimazel, the eminent German chemist whose invention of t...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead stumble across a magic mirror

The trio spot a sign next to it reading "Whatever ye think you are, shall come true!"

The group are excited, and the brunette offers to go first.

She steps up to the mirror and says "I think I am the prettiest person in the world!" she immediately gets a call, and after answering, scr...

The one to your dumb friend...

A guy sees an ad on the window of a store with the words "Selling brains". Curious, he walks in and asks the shopkeeper what kind of brains he's selling.

Shopkeeper: "I've got Einstein's brain who won a Nobel Prize and discovered the Universe's secret equation. He was the world most brilhant ...

Did you hear about the man who invented the knock knock joke?

He won the Nobel prize.

(Sorry if this has been posted before, I heard it today for the first time and it made my day)

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A new study finds that women who claim to enjoy giving blowjobs are less likely to be bitches.

In other news, University comes under attack after conducting terrible research. Chairman of the Nobel prize selection committee, James J. Jameyjames made this statement earlier today: "Well, fucking duh."

Scientists detected gravitational waves directly for the first time

Your mom's gonna get half the Nobel prize.

Vacancy announcements these days

Required qualifications:

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