What do you call a bad-quality circumcision?

A rip off.

What does a quality constructed home and a hooker have in common ?

They both get nailed with good hard wood

Quality assurance engineer walks into a bar...

He orders 1 beer.
Then he orders 2 beers.
Then he orders 9999999 beers.
Then he orders -1 beer.
Then he orders a dragon.
Then he asks to buy a jdhdjsbeh

Another customer walks in, asks where the bathroom is. The bar collapses and kills everyone inside

Interviewer asked me to name my most positive quality

Turns out HIV won’t get you a job

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This guy is applying for a job and is asked what he thinks his worst quality is.

He responded, "Being brutally honest."
"Well, I don't think that's a 'worst' quality at all," scoffed the interviewer with a wave of the hand.
"Oh yeah, well I don't really give a fuck what you think!" exclaimed the guy.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Just tried streaming that new Bohemian Rhapsody movie but the quality was shit...

...I could only see a little silouetto of a man!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I’ve been getting busy with a new girlfriend recently. I’m very relieved she finds the quality of the sex adequate despite the bend I’ve developed in my penis.

I know because I asked her. She said “Weird flex but okay.”

Have you seen the new brooms at Quality Quidditch Supplies?

They're flying off the shelves!

Donald Trump's first summit with Kim Jong-un was only to get feedback about the quality of his tweets.

Who better to ask than the Supreme Reader?

A man is like good quality carpet.

Lay him right the first time, walk all over him for the rest of his life.

I think quality is better than quantity...

unless you're a cyclops.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three unwritten rules to quality shitposting

1.

2.

3.

For-profit healthcare is a great system that benefits patients and ensures higher quality care.

lul

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What would you say that your best quality is?

I went for an interview yesterday and the guy asked me what I thought was my best quality.

Me: I am very honest in my opinions

Him: well, I think that's very admirable. I'm impressed

Me: I don't give a rats ass what you think

My friend only feeds the highest quality drugs to their animals.

I told them to get off their high horse.

A quality engineer married an average girl...

​After a tough life with her for two years, he ended with his patience​ ​and finally wrote a note to his father in law...​

​Your Product Not Meeting my requirements. .​

​The smart father in law replied..​

​Warranty Expired.... Manufacturer not responsible.​

What's the difference between a quality microwave and someone who knows a quality search engine when they see it?

the microwave goes Bing.

My first attempt at writing a joke, please take it easy on me.

A man walks into a candy shop, as he is perusing around the shop he notices the shopkeep waving him over to the counter. Not sure what he is really looking for he makes his way over to the counter to see if the shopkeep can be of any assistance.

Man: I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for, n...

I want a job as a quality controller in a mirror factory.

It’s a job I could really see myself doing.

How do they do quality control at the Tickle-Me-Elmo factory?

They give each doll two test tickles.

What positive quality about someone also tells you something negative about them?

Their HIV test

Low quality paper

Is tearable.

People are often really surprised by the quality of tattoos available in Spain.

No one expects the Spanish ink precision.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Quality, Not Quantity

Quality, Not Quantity

The commanding officer at the Russian military academy (the equivalent of a 4-star general in the U.S.) gave a lecture on Potential Problems and Military Strategy. At the end of the lecture, he asked if there were any questions.

An officer stood up and asked, "Wil...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Since it’s 4/20, here’s a quality repost

A monkey was in a tree smoking weed...

A lizard, walking by, looked up and saw him. "Yo, Monkey." Said the lizard. "What are you doing up there?"

The monkey looked down and answered him. "I'm smoking weed."

"Can I have some?" Asked the Lizard.

"Yeah, dude. Come on up here...

I was confused as to why my interviewer gave me a blank stare when I told her my best quality was my flexibility..

I guess she's never seen a man put both his legs behind his head before.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I spent some quality time with my 5-year old grandson today watching a movie....

Halfway through he asked, "Is that lady going to die?"

"Probably," I replied, "judging by the size of that horse's cock."

What do you call a low-quality golf course?

Subpar.

What do you call an anti-aircraft gun that shoots high-quality digital audio files?

A .flac gun

I used to be a quality checker at the m&m factory

You would not believe the amount of w's I had to throw out every day

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

When it comes to sex, it's all about quality over quantity.

That's why I'm always on top of my wife.

Most of the Alligator shoes sold are of low quality, so I went to the bayou to get my own

28 gators later and none of them are wearing any shoes

What did my friend in North Korea say about the living quality?

I can’t complain!

High Quality Poem

Error 404

Your Haiku could not be found

Try again later

Is Bose really better quality?

Or is it just a stereo type?

Two employees are having a conversation about quality control

Employee 1: We need to stop testing our products on animals.

Employee 2: Why? Other shampoo companies do it all the time.

Employee 1: Cool. But we make hammers.

High quality ads can be really bad for you.

They can cause ADHD.

Quality control at a Whack-a-Mole factory

...Is either hit or miss

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Job Interview

I went to a job interview the other day and they asked me what I thought was my most negative quality,
I replied, “it’s probably my honesty. “
The panel looked and discussed with each other and said, “we don’t think that’s a negative quality at all, we actually think that it’s a positive one...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A large group of first year medical school students filed into a lab...

...during their first week, for the first meeting of their gross anatomy class where they would be examining human cadavers. The professor walked to the front of the room, and addressed the students:

"The most important quality you will need as a physician is unfazability. Nothing can '...

It's spring in New England, so I bought a high quality bug zapper to help deal with all those pests, and I woke up to protests outside my house.

# Blackfliesmatter

3 guys go to heaven

Three guys go to heaven, and are greeted by Saint Peter. Now, to get to heaven, they had to cross a large bridge. “The quality of the vehicle you will drive across this bridge with will be determined by how many times you cheated on your spouse” says St. Peter. The first guy walks up and St. Peter s...

The Blonde Mortician

A man who just died is taken to the local mortuary. He is wearing an very expensive and high quality tailored blue suit.

The mortician is a blonde female and she asks the wife of the deceased man wife how she would like the body to be dressed.

The motician says that the man does look v...

Want to hear a quality joke about knives?

On second thought, I can't tell it. It's too edgy

Yo mama jokes are dumb, overused, and low quality.

Like yo mama.

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Well, ...

Quality Control.

Vice Executive: We really should stop testing our products on children?


Senior Executive: If we didn't test our products on these poor kids, how would we truly know if they are fit for purpose, it's just quality control.


Vice Executive: But Sir, we manufacture landmines!.

What do you call a British guy's mom who does everything to the lowest quality?

Minimum

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A farmer goes outside to check his livestock

While observing the cattle he notices that he needs to clean up the accumulated manure in one of his corrals. So he gets the tractor and pushes the muck into a pile on the edge of the pen. As he does this, the pile leans against the fence causing the wood to break and splinter. The farmer turns to h...

How was the sound quality of Shrek's musical keyboard?

Nothing special, it was just MIDI-Ogre

What quality was the wine that Jesus made ?

Bloody good.

What quality does Elon Musk look for in a woman?

He just wants her to be down to Mars

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Blind quality control guy

This blind guy applies for a job as a quality control guy at a lumber mill. The manager asked how he could possibly do the job blind and the blind guy says "just give me a chance!"

The manager agrees and decides to test the blind guy's abilities. He pulls out a good piece of oak, the blind gu...

King Arthur wasn't pleased with the quality of his new table.

The carpenter had cut some corners.

Get that summer Super Saiyan look in 3 easy steps!

1. Bleach
2. Samurai Shampoo
3. Neon Genesis Hairgelion

>!sorry for the low quality pun on the last one - came up with this in the car!<