I got fired from my summer job at M&M quality control

I threw out a batch of W's.

Do you know why quality food is like vaccines?

Not everybody wants it and those who want it dont get it.

Don’t let anyone insult the quality of your cheese.

You can always make it grate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I thought a high quality sex doll would help with my erectile dysfunction.

But it turns out good plastic is hard to come by.

Quality assurance engineer walks into a bar...

He orders 1 beer.
Then he orders 2 beers.
Then he orders 9999999 beers.
Then he orders -1 beer.
Then he orders a dragon.
Then he asks to buy a jdhdjsbeh

Another customer walks in, asks where the bathroom is. The bar collapses and kills everyone inside

What do you call a bad-quality circumcision?

A rip off.

A high quality post on a website with active comment section

*Top Comment *
Thank you for the gold stranger

I tell my wife to buy good quality products but she always gets cheap junk.

The only thing in our house that doesn't suck is the vacuum cleaner.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This guy is applying for a job and is asked what he thinks his worst quality is.

He responded, "Being brutally honest."
"Well, I don't think that's a 'worst' quality at all," scoffed the interviewer with a wave of the hand.
"Oh yeah, well I don't really give a fuck what you think!" exclaimed the guy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When it comes to sex it's all about quality over quantity.

Which is why I never watch the stuff that isn't HD.

Interviewer asked me to name my most positive quality

Turns out HIV won’t get you a job

Have you seen the new brooms at Quality Quidditch Supplies?

They're flying off the shelves!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just tried streaming that new Bohemian Rhapsody movie but the quality was shit...

...I could only see a little silouetto of a man!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve been getting busy with a new girlfriend recently. I’m very relieved she finds the quality of the sex adequate despite the bend I’ve developed in my penis.

I know because I asked her. She said “Weird flex but okay.”

Donald Trump's first summit with Kim Jong-un was only to get feedback about the quality of his tweets.

Who better to ask than the Supreme Reader?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three unwritten rules to quality shitposting

1.

2.

3.

A man is like good quality carpet.

Lay him right the first time, walk all over him for the rest of his life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What would you say that your best quality is?

I went for an interview yesterday and the guy asked me what I thought was my best quality.

Me: I am very honest in my opinions

Him: well, I think that's very admirable. I'm impressed

Me: I don't give a rats ass what you think

A woman goes to the doctor's to have a strange mark on her tummy looked at. The doctor said, "Do you by any chance have a boyfriend who attends Wisconsin University?"

Confused, the girl asks, "Why do ask?"

The doc chuckles, "I'm not just a doctor, I'm also an amateur detective. It looks like your lover likes to wear a sweater with the initial letter of their university emblazoned on the front. It's mildly abrasive quality has been rubbing on your skin."...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Quality, Not Quantity

Quality, Not Quantity

The commanding officer at the Russian military academy (the equivalent of a 4-star general in the U.S.) gave a lecture on Potential Problems and Military Strategy. At the end of the lecture, he asked if there were any questions.

An officer stood up and asked, "Wil...

For-profit healthcare is a great system that benefits patients and ensures higher quality care.

lul

My friend only feeds the highest quality drugs to their animals.

I told them to get off their high horse.

A quality engineer married an average girl...

​After a tough life with her for two years, he ended with his patience​ ​and finally wrote a note to his father in law...​

​Your Product Not Meeting my requirements. .​

​The smart father in law replied..​

​Warranty Expired.... Manufacturer not responsible.​

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Since it’s 4/20, here’s a quality repost

A monkey was in a tree smoking weed...

A lizard, walking by, looked up and saw him. "Yo, Monkey." Said the lizard. "What are you doing up there?"

The monkey looked down and answered him. "I'm smoking weed."

"Can I have some?" Asked the Lizard.

"Yeah, dude. Come on up here...

A blonde gets a job in quality control at an Elmo factory.

A couple hours later the boss goes out and sees the production line all backed up. He sees the blonde sewing two marbles in the crotch of each Elmo.

He then yells at her, "no I told you to give them each two TEST TICKLES!"

How do they do quality control at the Tickle-Me-Elmo factory?

They give each doll two test tickles.

I want a job as a quality controller in a mirror factory.

It’s a job I could really see myself doing.

I think quality is better than quantity...

unless you're a cyclops.

What positive quality about someone also tells you something negative about them?

Their HIV test

Low quality paper

Is tearable.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I spent some quality time with my 5-year old grandson today watching a movie....

Halfway through he asked, "Is that lady going to die?"

"Probably," I replied, "judging by the size of that horse's cock."

People are often really surprised by the quality of tattoos available in Spain.

No one expects the Spanish ink precision.

What's the difference between a quality microwave and someone who knows a quality search engine when they see it?

the microwave goes Bing.

What do you call a low-quality golf course?

Subpar.

I was confused as to why my interviewer gave me a blank stare when I told her my best quality was my flexibility..

I guess she's never seen a man put both his legs behind his head before.

OC from my 13 year old: I heard the quality of the pastries in New Orleans has gone down.

They've been yay before, but not anymore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When it comes to sex, it's all about quality over quantity.

That's why I'm always on top of my wife.

I used to be a quality checker at the m&m factory

You would not believe the amount of w's I had to throw out every day

What do you call an anti-aircraft gun that shoots high-quality digital audio files?

A .flac gun

Sure, we can do something about climate change now, but if we find out in 50 years that the researchers made a mistake and that climate change doesn't exist...

We would have improved air quality in all major cities, gotten rid of noisy and smelly cars, cleaned up toxic rivers and destroyed dictatorships funded on money from oil for no reason.

Most of the Alligator shoes sold are of low quality, so I went to the bayou to get my own

28 gators later and none of them are wearing any shoes

High Quality Poem

Error 404

Your Haiku could not be found

Try again later

What did my friend in North Korea say about the living quality?

I can’t complain!

Two employees are having a conversation about quality control

Employee 1: We need to stop testing our products on animals.

Employee 2: Why? Other shampoo companies do it all the time.

Employee 1: Cool. But we make hammers.

Is Bose really better quality?

Or is it just a stereo type?

High quality ads can be really bad for you.

They can cause ADHD.

Quality control at a Whack-a-Mole factory

...Is either hit or miss

Yo mama jokes are dumb, overused, and low quality.

Like yo mama.

Donald Trump is looking to paint the White House

Donald Trump is looking to paint the White House. He asks Chinese contractors how much they would charge. They say 3 million. He asks European contractors how much they would charge. They say 7 million. He asks Ecuadorian contractors how much they would charge. They say 10 million.


Trum...

My first attempt at writing a joke, please take it easy on me.

A man walks into a candy shop, as he is perusing around the shop he notices the shopkeep waving him over to the counter. Not sure what he is really looking for he makes his way over to the counter to see if the shopkeep can be of any assistance.

Man: I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for, n...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Levels of Death

A man dies and arrives in Hell. He looks around. The sky is gloomy and rainy. He’s approached by an old man. The old man says, “Hello. Welcome to Hell. Let me show you around.” So the old man starts to show him around. He shows the man to a rundown shack and says, “This is where you’ll sleep.” He th...

Want to hear a quality joke about knives?

On second thought, I can't tell it. It's too edgy

It's spring in New England, so I bought a high quality bug zapper to help deal with all those pests, and I woke up to protests outside my house.

# Blackfliesmatter

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them,

"In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." As an ex...

Quality Control.

Vice Executive: We really should stop testing our products on children?


Senior Executive: If we didn't test our products on these poor kids, how would we truly know if they are fit for purpose, it's just quality control.


Vice Executive: But Sir, we manufacture landmines!.

How was the sound quality of Shrek's musical keyboard?

Nothing special, it was just MIDI-Ogre

[Long] An old man with a broken glasses went to see an Optometrist

He bring a newspaper with him and said that he can't read.

So the optometrist checked his eyes and give him a generic reading glasses.

"Can you read now?" Asked the optometrist.

"Nope. I can't read." Said the old man promptly.

Confused the optometrist go look for differ...

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