This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My customers don’t appreciate how high quality the manure I sell them is.

I don’t get paid enough for this shit.

My husband works in a plant nursery and is looking for quality plant jokes to tell his overworked co-workers. Show me what you've got! (I'll start)

Why are plants bad cheerleaders?


Because they're always rooting for themselves.

I went to check the prices of low quality electric plugs yesterday

They were shocking

You should never be a name dropper - it’s not a nice quality...

You know who told me that? Ryan Reynolds.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had a job interview the other day and the interviewer asked me, 'What's your worst quality?'

'Honesty.' I said.

'I don't think honesty is a bad trait.' He replied.

'I don't give a fuck what you think.'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate my job, quality control at the strobe-light factory.

I'm busy working like a cunt, and everyone else is just fucking standing still.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's common between me, good quality olive oil, and probably you?

They're all extra virgin.

The worst thing about this pandemic is all the restaurants apparently using lower quality ingredients to save money.

I'll keep eating out every day, but I haven't been able to taste anything for weeks.

Quality Assurance in Tea

My uncle was a tea tester. He had to test teas.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Rather Distasteful Joke

New students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor began the lecture by telling them: "In medicine, it is necessary to possess two important quali...

3 men enter heaven together

Upon entering, they are greeted by god. God tells them that they will receive a vehicle, however the quality and value of the vehicle will vary based on how frequently they cheated on their wife. So the first man says “I never cheated once in my life” god inspects him and finds this out to be true. ...

Do you know why Germans build such high-quality products?

So they won't have to go around being nice while they fix them.

A minister was completing a temperance sermon

A minister was completing a temperance sermon.

 

With great emphasis he said,

'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'


With even greater emphasis he said,

'And if I had All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into...

What do you call a factory that makes great quality products?

A satisfactory

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Q: Do you know why Michael J. Fox makes such good milkshakes?

A: Because he uses quality ingredients, what did you think asshole?

The WWE wrestlers Edge & Test were big back in their day, even had separate fanbases believe it or not,

Edges fans were called "Th Edge-ed Edgies"

and Test fans were just a bunch of quality balls.

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the sale...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A soap factory had a problem.

They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the bar inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important these relationships were, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. They decided to hire an external engineering company to solve th...

A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife

The husband wanted more than a written report , he wanted video of his wife's activities . A week later , the detective returned with a video . They sat down together to watch it
Although the quality was less than professional , the husband saw his wife meeting another man ! He saw the two of...

The most admirable quality of Greek and Roman culture:

their ability to give terms to scientific phenomenon centuries before they were discovered.

A man is dispatched by the UN to investigate the quality of the democracy in China.

Upon arrival, he has a meeting with the chinese president. He asks the president:

Do you have elections?

The president seems somewhat uncomfortable but answers:

Evely molning

There were three guys named Jackson who were all in the clothing business.

Due to lack of real estate options in their city, they all set up shop next door to each other. In order to convince customers to come to *their* store rather than one of the other Jacksons, they all put up signs to attract customers.

The one on the left puts up a sign that says "Jackson's c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Indian government wants to build a factory [long]

So they called for bids from several local and international companies. Three were shortlisted: one local, one Chinese, one Japanese.

* The Japanese firm offered to build it for 25 Mn dollars in six months, and offered a guarantee for 10 years. But they were not keen on bribing the contract o...

A woman goes to the doctor's to have a strange mark on her tummy looked at. The doctor said, "Do you by any chance have a boyfriend who attends Wisconsin University?" Confused, the girl asks, "Why do ask?"

The doc chuckles, "I'm not just a doctor, I'm also an amateur detective. It looks like your lover likes to wear a sweater with the initial letter of their university emblazoned on the front. It's mildly abrasive quality has been rubbing on your skin."

"Not bad doc!" she says. "Not bad at all!...

Did you hear about that guy that lost his ear in a construction accident?

They reconstructed it from pig skin, the sound quality is good but there's still a little bit of crackling...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. If he does so, he will be allowed to enter Heaven. The catch? At the end of the 1,000 year period, if the man asks to be let out of...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

He probably drank beaver milk (clever reference to the movie The Animal)

This guy got into a bad accident and ended up losing an arm, his eye and his penis.

He wakes up a few weeks later and is greeted by a strange looking doctor. The doctor explains what happened and tells him he performed an experimental surgery to insure some quality of life following the acci...

I just got a photo from a speed camera through the mail.

I sent it right back – way too expensive and really bad quality.

I went for a job interview

And at the end they asked me, “So, last question: what would you say is your worst quality?”

“Worst quality?”, I replied, “well I’ve been told that I often jump to conclusions...”

“Hmm, ok. Well, thanks very much for coming in, we’ll be in touch”

“No problem! See you Monday!”

I bought oats for my horse but they were moldy so I returned them and told the manager he should have better quality control.

He took my feedback.

I would like to be a quality inspector at a mirror factory.

It’s a job I could really see myself doing.

I got fired from my summer job at M&M quality control

I threw out a batch of W's.

Unlike my friends, I don't waste money on so-called quality keyboards.

They're simply not worth ittttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

How do you get free karma on reddit?

~~Easy. Just make quality content and share it with the world~~ Piece of cake, it's a piece of cake.

My girlfriend said we need to spend more quality time together.

So I bought her a tea set and a koala and said wtf are we supposed to do now?

50 cent gave Eminem a really high quality sweater for xmas. EMINEM was super thankful and said to him

GEE, YOU KNIT.

Who knew.

Why are people praising Netflix and Youtube for promising to reduce video quality during the pandemic?

Reddit has been doing it for years already.

Singapore’s education system be like

Memo to all students : In order to assure the highest levels
of quality work and productivity from students, it will be
our policy to keep all students well taught through our
program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (S.H.I.T.). We are
trying to give our students more S.H.I.T. than any...

Irish Cow Joke

There is an old dirt farm family who have nothing of value in this world but their milk cow. Now this was z good milk cow, which gave good high quality milk which they were able to sell and get along, so the family was actually very content. Well one day the father gets up early to milk the cow, as ...

Quality assurance engineer walks into a bar...

He orders 1 beer.
Then he orders 2 beers.
Then he orders 9999999 beers.
Then he orders -1 beer.
Then he orders a dragon.
Then he asks to buy a jdhdjsbeh

Another customer walks in, asks where the bathroom is. The bar collapses and kills everyone inside

When an unpopular President completed his presidency, he wanted a special postage stamp issued with his picture on it.

He stressed that it should be of international quality. The stamps were duly released and the former President was pleased. But within a couple of days of the release of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and he was furious. So he ordered an investigatio...

What is the best quality to use when photographing forks?

4K

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the Grim Reapers best quality?

Hes Dead Sexy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old Macdonald, feeling lonely on his farm, asks his donkey what his favorite quality in a woman is. His donkey replies.

"I'm an ass man"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady I often chat with at the grocery store was ringing up my groceries asked my how things are going

I told her that it was a bit of a rough patch because my start-up business wasn't doing so well. She expressed some sympathy as it's pretty rough times right now, and asked me what my business was.

See, I'd done some research of nutrient quality in various fertilizers and I'd determined that ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is out playing golf one day. He finds some golf balls that have been lost by other golfers and they look like they are of a high quality so he puts them in his pocket and plays on.

Back at the club house he goes to the bar to get a drink when a stunning, large breasted young blonde lady comes and stands next to him. They get to some polite conversation and the guy is acting cool. The blonde looks down and notices a bulge in trousers and begins to blush in embarrassment as she ...

Do you know why quality food is like vaccines?

Not everybody wants it and those who want it dont get it.

I tell my wife to buy good quality products but she always gets cheap junk.

The only thing in our house that doesn't suck is the vacuum cleaner.

Don’t let anyone insult the quality of your cheese.

You can always make it grate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Quality, Not Quantity

Quality, Not Quantity

The commanding officer at the Russian military academy (the equivalent of a 4-star general in the U.S.) gave a lecture on Potential Problems and Military Strategy. At the end of the lecture, he asked if there were any questions.

An officer stood up and asked, "Wil...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three unwritten rules to quality shitposting

1.

2.

3.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I spent some quality time with my 5-year old grandson today watching a movie....

Halfway through he asked, "Is that lady going to die?"

"Probably," I replied, "judging by the size of that horse's cock."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Quality assurance joke about sex (NSFW)

There was a quality assurance bug tester who was interested in getting pregnant. She read on a factual website that having sex without a condom will make you pregnant, so that's what she did. However, a month later, she was not pregnant.

Frustrated, she submitted a complaint to the website th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Young Paddy

A young Irish man called Paddy wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend.

They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Donegal and he lived in Kerry .

Paddy consulted with his Sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good qua...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This guy is applying for a job and is asked what he thinks his worst quality is.

He responded, "Being brutally honest."
"Well, I don't think that's a 'worst' quality at all," scoffed the interviewer with a wave of the hand.
"Oh yeah, well I don't really give a fuck what you think!" exclaimed the guy.

Interviewer asked me to name my most positive quality

Turns out HIV won’t get you a job

I asked my dad why he tells cheesy jokes.

He said, “Like any quality cheese, because ‘mold”.

In my opinion 2021 is actually

2020 V2.0 with additional Patches and Quality of Life Degradements.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just tried streaming that new Bohemian Rhapsody movie but the quality was shit...

...I could only see a little silouetto of a man!

A man takes a job at a you factory

He is hired on to work the production line for Tickle me Elmo. He settles into his position, is given a quick set of instructions by his new supervisor and set to work. After finishing the instructions, the supervisor says: "It's super easy. Let me know if you have any questions. I'm check back in ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I thought a high quality sex doll would help with my erectile dysfunction.

But it turns out good plastic is hard to come by.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Since it’s 4/20, here’s a quality repost

A monkey was in a tree smoking weed...

A lizard, walking by, looked up and saw him. "Yo, Monkey." Said the lizard. "What are you doing up there?"

The monkey looked down and answered him. "I'm smoking weed."

"Can I have some?" Asked the Lizard.

"Yeah, dude. Come on up here...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When it comes to sex it's all about quality over quantity.

Which is why I never watch the stuff that isn't HD.

A man is like good quality carpet.

Lay him right the first time, walk all over him for the rest of his life.

Low quality paper

Is tearable.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve been getting busy with a new girlfriend recently. I’m very relieved she finds the quality of the sex adequate despite the bend I’ve developed in my penis.

I know because I asked her. She said “Weird flex but okay.”

A high quality post on a website with active comment section

*Top Comment *
Thank you for the gold stranger

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What would you say that your best quality is?

I went for an interview yesterday and the guy asked me what I thought was my best quality.

Me: I am very honest in my opinions

Him: well, I think that's very admirable. I'm impressed

Me: I don't give a rats ass what you think

Have you seen the new brooms at Quality Quidditch Supplies?

They're flying off the shelves!

High Quality Poem

Error 404

Your Haiku could not be found

Try again later

Donald Trump's first summit with Kim Jong-un was only to get feedback about the quality of his tweets.

Who better to ask than the Supreme Reader?

For-profit healthcare is a great system that benefits patients and ensures higher quality care.

lul

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Conversation with a mechanic

Mechanic: you used subpar fuel which corroded your intake injectors and manifold

Me: Uhh, English bro

Mechanic: low quality gas damaged your engine

Me: dumb it down for me kemosabe

Mechanic : Bad go-go juice made your vroom vroom machine all fucky

Me : oh fuck

Old tribal wisdom says that wh...

Old tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. Businesses, however, often try other strategies. These include...
1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this hor...

A long-distance couple is having relationship problems in the midst of Covid...

...One of them calls the other, and outlines their complaints.

"What with the distance, and the poor internet quality affecting our calls, and all your bad puns, I just can't do this anymore"

"I'm sorry, what was that? We just broke up."

(Joke courtesy of my Husband, who has no ...

What positive quality about someone also tells you something negative about them?

Their HIV test

How do they do quality control at the Tickle-Me-Elmo factory?

They give each doll two test tickles.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Frenchman, a Scotsman and a German...

... are at a public swimming pool.

This place has just opened a very special 10 meter high diving tower: for a fee of just $20, a patented device automatically fills the pool with the liquid you desire.

The Frenchman is excited. He pays, climbs up the ladder, shouts "Champagne" and the...

My first attempt at writing a joke, please take it easy on me.

A man walks into a candy shop, as he is perusing around the shop he notices the shopkeep waving him over to the counter. Not sure what he is really looking for he makes his way over to the counter to see if the shopkeep can be of any assistance.

Man: I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for, n...

I finally decided to retire.

I went with Firestone. They really do seem to be the best quality.

A quality engineer married an average girl...

​After a tough life with her for two years, he ended with his patience​ ​and finally wrote a note to his father in law...​

​Your Product Not Meeting my requirements. .​

​The smart father in law replied..​

​Warranty Expired.... Manufacturer not responsible.​

My friend only feeds the highest quality drugs to their animals.

I told them to get off their high horse.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.