Did you hear about the inner city kid who got that track scholarship?

He overcame many hurdles.

I finally asked Stacey to prom!!!

She was my neighbor for years and it took me months of planning and going back and forth to ask her out. My friend Richy thought if i was this nervous i shouldn’t ask her our, but when i finally did she said yes

When we got to the dance i introduced her to Richy and my other friends who went ...

Heard at Mass today that the government is providing scholarships to students who'd like to attend religious institutions...

Someone Alert the Masses!

I lost my college football scholarship in the very first game this weekend, for pulling a groin.

Not mine, someone else's.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Billy the tree.

Billy the tree aces his SATs at Forest High and ends up with a full college scholarship. The day arrives for him to move halfway across the state. The older trees wish him luck, and they make him promise to write. They wave and cheer as he packs his trunk and leaves.

He arrives at his college...

Mirror Joke

A mirror was born to an extremely poor family. He went to school, worked hard, and eventually got a full scholarship to Harvard. He graduated with a PhD and started a company. The years went by and his company became hugely successful. Eventually, he decided it was time for him to retire. He had to ...

The Catholic church wants more people interested in priesthood.

They have got a lot of bad publicity lately so they just released a new campaign. They are offering scholarships for 100 lucky boys that can attend private school to become a priest for free.

Their slogan: "Find the priest inside of you."

Dear Marty

Dear Marty,

I have been unable to sleep since I broke off your engagement to my daughter. Will you forgive and forget?

I was much too sensitive about your Mohawk, tattoo and pierced nose. I now realize motorcycles aren't really that dangerous, and I really should not have reacted th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time, there was a wasp.

Now, this wasp was no ordinary wasp. No, no, this was an extremely intelligent wasp. He was so smart, in fact, that one day he decided to leave the nest to go to high school. Obviously, this was a big deal for his family, but they supported him in following his dreams, so they packed up his few belo...

You've had a bad day but...

The parachute company says you'll get a full refund.


The flesh eating virus barely touched your other arm.


Imagine what would have happened if your ex-wife had a *good* lawyer.


The fertility drugs worked 4 times better than expected.


The insurance company ...

I spent my children's college fund on a boat...

I'm going to call it the scholarship.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke my father taught me. NSFW

Johnny was in high school. He was a star athlete, made high honor roll, and had a full ride scholarship to go to an ivy league university. He was handsome except for a small abnormality. He had lost an eye in an accident while he was a toddler. His parents were unable to afford a glass eye and opted...

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A Scottish Rugby Player Visits Harvard

A Scottish rugby player at the end of his high school career is ecstatic to find out he is being considered for a scholarship to Harvard. All he has to do is show up to visit the coach and he's sure to be a shoe-in.
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After a long flight, he finds himself on Harvard's campus, but without a cam...

What did the white high school dropout get for his birthday?

A legacy scholarship for his second choice school

Why was Jimmy so excited to go to Clown College?

He got a fool scholarship.

Topical Jokes for 6/20

(For best results, imagine these being read by your favorite late night personality)

In Maryland, two teenagers have won a marbles championship. The winning teens quickly said thank you, then boarded their time machine, to return to the year 1937.

In Illinois, a university is offering ...

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So a 98 year old Jewish guy...

....wins a $250,000,000 lottery. He has to take the lump some, and knows he'll never spend it all, so he throws a huge party. Everyone from his Temple and everyone else he knows is there. He hands out scholarships that will last generations. He pays for great Grand children's weddings in advance. He...

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The Wasp

There once was a wasp, he wasn't very happy with his life in the hive. One day he decided to go back to high school. After his senior year he graduated with flying colours, a 4.0 GPA, honours with distinction and 4 scholarships. After high school he applies to Harvard. Of course, he gets accepted an...

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