UPJOKE
regarddeferencehonourhonoresteemvalueprizepriseadmirationreverereverenceobediencedignityaffectionobserve

Respect people who wear glasses

They paid money to see you.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend."

Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."

A good romance starts with trust, mutual respect and kindness.

A bad romance starts with Rah..Rah..Ah...Ah...Ah.....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mother told me I should always treat the janitor with the same level of respect I show to my CEO

That's how I started sucking the janitors cock.

A calm, respected woman walks into a Pharmacy

As she walks in, she goes right up to the pharmacist, looks him straight into his eyes and said;

"I would like to buy some cyanide,"

The pharmacist asked her:

"why in the world do you need cyanide?"

She said:

"I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacists...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between respect and an Earth shattering orgasm?

I never gave your mother any respect

How many Texas cops does it take to save children from an active shooter?

Still under investigation.







Edit: For those who assume I think any part of this situation is funny... [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black\_comedy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_comedy). Also who gave me a Wholesome award? That's seriously messed up.

Edit ...

What is it called when a square is treated respectfully?

Equal rights.

Respect my authoritahh!!!

A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.” The rancher said, “okay, but don’t go into that field over there…”, as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, “look mis...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just a friendly reminder to show respect to Ramadan

Yes, yes. I know we all like to have a good laugh about certain things. But Ramadan is a very important and sacred time for Muslims. And as a non-Muslim, I have since learned that we need treat it with some respect.

See, my next door neighbour is a Muslim. Ever since the start of Ramadan, I h...

President Trump's greatest accomplishment was making us give the Coast Guard the respect that it deserves as a branch of the Armed Forces.

He accomplished this by creating the Space Force.

My girlfriend thinks I don’t respect her privacy

That’s what was written in her diary.

Buzz Aldrin is a man who demands respect. I saw him speak a while ago and he said “I’m the second guy to walk on the moon...”

“Neil before me”

Out of Respect for Meat Loaf Passing I Went to the Record Shoppe

They had Bat out of Hell and Bat Out of Hell Volume 2 but I couldn't find Volume 3. I asked them about it.

They told me "Two out of three ain't bad."

A marine in Afghanistan receives a letter

In the letter his girlfriend explained that she had slept with his best friend while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him.

To add injury to the insult, she said she wanted back the picture of herself that she had given him.

So the Marine did what any self respecting M...

With respect to Russian aggression, we should have seen it coming

Just take a look at their history and you'll see a giant red flag.

After many years of not going to church an elderly lady decides to go to her local service.

Although very poor and with worn-out clothing, she dressed in her best and headed out. As she approached the church, she saw all the people dressed in such splendor. Not a stain, not a rip or tear on any of their clothes. The preacher and deacons stood and welcomed people as they entered.

She...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the height of WWII on the Eastern front, a high-level meeting takes place in the Kremlin between Stalin and the marshals on the situation on their respective fronts.

When the meeting ends, Marshal Georgy Zhukov is the first one to step out. As he does so, he mutters under his breath "Fucking asshole with a mustache!" It just so happens that Stalin's secretary, Alexander Poskrebyshev hears this. So being a loyal servant to the cause, he reports it to his boss. St...

Theres a llot of things people respect about me

I have a heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate that SEPTember, OCTober, NOVember and DECember are not the 7th, 8th, 9th and 10th months respectively.

Whoever fucked this should be stabbed!

Why is helium the most respected element?

People speak very highly of it

My daughter thinks I don't respect her personal boundaries

Or at least that's what she wrote in her diary

I respect giraffe's...

They're an animal I can look up to.

i have a lot of respect for trans women

that surgery takes balls!

What do you call a respected crotch you can eat?

Sir Loin

No one is allowed to congregate for funerals; instead, people drive by the cemetery and honk their horns in respect. One man drives by blasting “Another One Bites The Dust”

The family wanted to be mad, but then another car drove by playing the same song, and another one does, and another one does, and another one drives a bus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fun facts about England Fun fact: Sussex, Wessex, Essex, and Middlesex, are all named for points on a compass, South, West, East, and Middle respectively, and represent places of Saxon occupancy. That is, Wessex means West Saxons.

But why Middle and not North, you ask. Well, Little Timmy, there's no north because no one wants to be called Nosex.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Feudal Japan, 2 Samurai families are constantly at war...

One day, the eldest sons of the two Families got together and decided to put a stop to all the fighting and bloodshed between their clans. To the dismay of their closest relatives and companions, the two announce that they had agreed - they were going to have a duel to the death. The winner would b...

Please Press F to pay Respects

A guy asked his girlfriend if he was the only one she had ever been with.

She replied, "yes honey, all the others were at least sevens or eights."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I respect cancer more than I respect depression.

At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.

So, my mom and dad cheated on each other with their respective brother and sisters-in-law.......

Now, that I have your attention, I would like to reach you about your pending car insurance loan........

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Elder humor

Two 80 year old folks decided to married after their respective partners had died. Mostly for companionship, and social things.
That night after the wedding in bed, the husband starts to get frisky,...
She says "Be careful, I have acute angina", he says "Ya and your titties aren't bad either!"

An army general needs some change

An Army general is standing before a vending machine on base, finding himself short on cash for a cold drink. He sees a nearby soldier and asks him, "Do you have any spare change?" The soldier replies, "Sure thing, man, I got a couple of quarters," and digs into his pocket.

The general narrow...

The Mafia Don's Funeral

The Mafia don of a city dies. His family hold a public funeral allowing friends family and enemies to come and pay their respects.

They take it in turns to come up take a handful of earth to scatter and say a few words. The chief of police takes a handful, scatters it then turns away crying.<...

A lawyer and me at the bar....

A lawyer friend of mine comes up to the bar. He's also known for having notoriously crooked teeth, and he looks upset. A lone snaggle tooth protrudes through his frowning lips. I get him a drink quick and say to the lawyer, "boy! What's going on, bud?"

He takes a sip and explains how a well k...

A husband and wife are having a quiet walk in the park when out of nowhere, a mugger appears and holds them at gunpoint.

(DISCLAIMER: I heard my father telling this joke to his friends when I was little. Sorry if this has been posted here before)



A husband and wife are having a quiet walk in the park when out of nowhere, a mugger appears and holds them at gunpoint.

The mugger said,

"I am ...

Joe is hiring a hitman from a well respected mafioso to kill his business partner.

The man asks, "How do I know you won't just let him pay you twice as much, and then kill me?"
The mob boss leans back and says, "Well Joe, you can always get the insurance policy."

"Insurance policy?"

"Yeah. For five times the fee I absolutely guarantee that the other guy can no lon...

Why does Florida have so many Conservatives and California have so many earthquakes?

California had first choice!

**just a joke, I respect your right to your opinion and free expression **

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

6 never did trust 7. Sure, they worked closely together, but 7 always seemed at odds with him. 6 always preferred the company of 4, a perfect 10 of a duo, even though 2 kept them apart. But when it came to 7? 6 always summed it up to bad luck. Then, 6 found the truth. 6 respected 9, even though ...

A goat farmer and his wife one day went to feed the goats.

Unfortunately for her the male goat was particularly aggressive that day and mauled her to death. During her funeral the farmers brother came from another town. His brother was amazed how many people showed up to the funeral and said "Look how many people came to pay their respects to your wife" In ...

Gore Vidal on marriage

My father was an atheist and my mother was Christian. They had an arrangement to respect each other’s beliefs.

One week they wouldn’t go to her service and the next they wouldn’t go to his.

Although I'm not Hindu, I still can respect the religion.

We should all coexist; to each their Aum.

What does a good Jewish pun receive?

A standing oy-veytion.

NOTE: Joke is meant with the greatest respect and love.

Respectfully cheating

Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
"Betty, I was wondering -- have you ever cheated on me?"

"Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."

"Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please."

"Well, all right. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two dwarfs walk into a bar where they pick up two prostitutes and take them back to their own respective rooms.

Unfortunately the first dwarf can’t get an erection no matter what. He’s depressed, and his depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, “one, two, three- uuump!” all night long.

In the morning the second dwarf asks the first, “ how was your night?”
<...

My wife does'nt think I respect her privacy enough.

Atleast that's what it says in her diary.

As a kid I got no respect , I played hide and seek

They wouldn't even look for me

The worst thing about celebrity deaths is the inevitable torrent of jokes referencing them from people trying to be witty when really it should be a time of mourning and respect. I won’t take any part in it.

So wake me up when it’s all over

Captain John McGrue was one of the most respected explorers

Born in England, he became known for his seafaring skills at a young age. At the age of 20, he heard the legends of the greatest drinks in the world, a quest many explorers had tried, but unfortunately none could complete the trip. McGrue was talked out of it by every friend, until at 28, already an...

My neighbour banged on the wall at 3.30am,

can you believe that? Luckily I was still up playing music.

He banged and shouted, "Can we have a little respect please?"

So I shouted back, "I'm not a big Aretha Franklin fan, but OK this one is for you."

What is the only respectful and correct way to catcall?

Pspspspsps

I have a grudging respect for people who do fly tipping.

They've got six legs, sticky feet, and they're a damned sight harder to sneak up on than cows.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two attorneys walk into a cafe

However, they do not order anything. Instead, they both reach into their respective briefcases and pull out a sandwich each. Seeing this, a grumpy old waiter walks over to them.

"Look, I don't know who you hotshot fellas are, but I hope you can read that sign over there. It says 'You cannot b...

What do you call distinguished, highly respected rapper?

Eminent

A trans woman took her artwork to an art constat.

It was a series of lifelike paintings and sculptures of catholic nuns, done using only the best of materials. There were a lot of good entries to be sure, but every one she entered, she won easily.

When the judges were asked why they all couldn't help but give her gold, they answered,
...

Dummy

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde...

People have no respect for others time nowadays

Some guy asked me to go sacrifice goats to satan in the woods and they didn’t even show up, incredibly rude.

PETA should respect Steve Irwin

PETA should respect Steve Irwin by eating him and using all his parts, not letting anything go to waste.

That's how my uncle, a hunter, explains "respect" anyway.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dave is a well known, respected hunter, known to be the best in the state.

One night, he is sitting in a bar with some friends, and an out of state hunter stops in the bar.
He overhears Dave’s friends talking about how he’s the best and says, “there is no way he is the best hunter in the state!”

So Dave bets him that he can not look and guess what an animal was ...

I hate people who don't respect when I say "shotgun" nowadays

Like the kidnapper who threw me in his trunk

Respect for a joke not well received as a comment, bon appetit!

Me:"Waiter, taste the soup!"

Waiter:"Whats wrong with the soup?"

Me:"Sir, would you mind please, taste the soup!"

Waiter:"The soup is too hot?!"

Me:"No, but taste the soup"

Waiter:"Whats rhe matter, soup too cold?!"

Me:"Sir, just taste the soup"

Waite...

I Don’t Get No Respect

I went into a bar and asked for a double. The bartender went into the back and came out with a guy who looked like me.
-Rodney Dangerfield

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ivy League School Principal, Mr. Marquez, and Community College Principal, Mr. Davidson, were arguing that their respective students were the most fearless.

Ivy League school principal called his students and asked them to jump in sea full of sharks.

They jumped.

Principal said: “See the guts…”

Community College principal called his students and asked them to jump.

They said: "Have you completely lost your marbles, Mr. Davids...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the derivative of acceleration with respect to time? and where do all male scientists learn this?

Jerk of course

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Kosher Italian funeral

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walki...

A close friend of a doctor, a dentist, and a lawyer dies

At the funeral, the doctor says to his two friends, “Where I come from it is traditional to honor the deceased by placing money on him to take to the grave with his burial.” So the other two agree to do this.

The doctor goes up to the coffin and after paying his last respects, places a $100 b...

An immigrant teen is walking home from the supermarket when he sees an older gentleman with a broken down car on the side of the road...

He stops to help and immediately makes a good impression on the older fellow. Eventually they get the car going and the gentleman offers the boy a ride home. The teenager accepts, thinking it would be a great way to get home quickly, considering it's getting late and his mother was probably worried ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Porn

The estate of Rodney Dangerfield has recently started a campaign against internet scammers.

If the scammers don’t send Rodney Dangerfield’s estate money, they are threatening to send the scammers nude pictures of Rodney Dangerfield.

No respect!

Not for profit

A receptionist for a large nonprofit organization answered the telephone politely with the usual greeting and a man said “Let me speak with the dumb SOB that runs that place.” The receptionist, sort of taken aback says “Sir, we are a well known charitable organization, and if you wish to speak with ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I visited my dear granddad's grave over the weekend

As I was standing at his grave, I noticed a guy crouched behind a gravestone a few graves over, reading a newspaper.

"Morning" I said as I nodded to him respectfully.

He replied "Nah, I'm not mourning, I'm taking a shit, but thanks anyway"

6 guys playing poker

Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. After the game, Mr. Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife...

An Australian,A Frenchman and An indian are talking about the driving conditions in their respective countries.

The Australian says: We're such good drivers, that we can go 10 feet within a cliff and not fall off!

The Frenchman, looking to appear better than his British Texan counterpart says:Oh yea? We're such good drivers that we can go within 5 feet within a cliff and not fall off!

The Indian...

I respect everybody

no matter if they're Asian, African or normal I respect everybody.

Say what you will about Trump, but in the end, he kept the promise he made in 2016 about restoring respect for America in the international community.

All he had to do was lose in 2020.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two American business men in the 1980s are visiting Tokyo, Japan to make a business deal with an electronics company

Sadly the CEO (Mr. Yamoto) had an unexpected issue to deal with at one of his factories and couldn't see the men that day, but had his COO (Mr. Hagino) not only invite the two Americans to join them for a round of golf the next day to discuss business, but also to show them around and keep them ent...

Traffic violation

After pulling a farmer over for speeding in an urban area, the police officer starts to lecture him about his callous disregard for public safety. The officer goes on and on, even belittling the farmer saying he must be a "hick from the sticks" and not know how to behave in a civilized area.
<...

A Titan captures 26 Spies of his enemies. Each Spy is given 2 names: They are numbered from 1-26 and are given the alphabet with respect to their numbers. He then proceeds to eat all but one to prevent information from leaking out (He executed that spy). Which spy and why?

Spy#3. He was Spy-C.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Onions and Christmas Trees

A couple with a son and a daughter was having a meal together.

At a certain point, the son decides to ask the father:

“Dad, how many types of boobs are there?”

“Three.”

“How so?”

“When you’re 20, they’re like melons: gorgeous and round. When you’re 40, they’re like...

Respect all religion and culture

They gave you holiday

Punjabi joke translated to the best of my abilities.

There’s a guy that lives in a village that is rich but illiterate. So, one day his friend whose well educated visits him and in conversation tells him that he should get an education. The guy’s like why?
The friend replies:”It makes you wise.”
The guy says:”How?”
The friends asks him:”Well ...

My school seems to respect me alot

My report is filled with Fs

King Arthur got cursed with a strange disease

... and only an old ugly witch can cure him. But the witch demanded a young handsome knight for husband, and Galahad took it for the team and married her. On the night of the wedding, the witch turned into a beautiful woman and offered Galahad the choice, she can be old and ugly during the day, and ...

Which Russian author never paid his respects?

Dusty F Key

Two men are playing golf. One of them is about to take a swing when a funeral procession appears on the road next to the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in respect.

His golfing buddy says "That must be the most touching thing I’ve ever seen. You are a very compassionate and kind man."

The man, recovering himself, replies, "Yeah, well we were married 25 years."

I have the utmost respect for our troops

My girlfriend's husband fights for our freedom every day

My friend Robbie shocked and hurt me. He told me today that I make people very uncomfortable and have no respect for personal space. I mean, what a thing to say to a friend!

It totally ruined our bath!

Three engineers and three accountants were travelling by train to a conference.

At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are you three going to travel on only one ticket?", one of the accountants asks.

"Watch and you would see", answers one of the engineers.

They all board the tr...

The Lone Ranger is Captured by Outlaws

The Lone Ranger is captured by outlaws. They are definitely planning on killing him, but have so much respect for the lawman that they decide to grant him 3 final requests. Upon hearing this the Lone Ranger says that he will only tell his requests to his noble steed, Silver. The bad guys agree. The ...

I have a lot of respect for people who can survive in the mighty jungle

But I guess, where there's a wim there's a weh

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Respect

So a son with an 90 year old dad needs to take an extended business trip. As his dad can no longer care for himself, he needs to find a spot in some assisted living place.

Unfortunately, all of the Jewish homes are full. Luckily the son finds a Christian organization that takes his dad.
...

My wife thinks I’m nosey, shameless and have no respect for her privacy.

Honestly, the things she writes about me in her diary are often really mean.

As an experience it had highs and lows.

My bloodpressure and willpower respectively.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My porn star friend passed away the other day and as a show of respect, we scattered his ashes...

...all over his wife's face.

I treat my daughters with respect. I knocked on the youngest one's door and asked "can I come in?"

"I don't know, can you?"

I'm so proud.

Thanks to Corona a distance of 1.5 meters needs to be respected in my country

BMW drivers are proud, been using this technique for years.

The largest condom factory in the States burned down.

President Trump was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.

"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of ...

Last Respects

At a motivational seminar, 3 men were volunteered to come up to the stage and were asked the same question,"When you are in your casket, and your loved ones are mourning,what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The 1st man said," I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor...

I've always had a lot of respect for single moms

That's why i go to the strip clubs and donate my dollar bills.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An obituary

Sad news: It is with great sadness that we report the passing of the Pillsbury Doughboy. The cause of his death was from a yeast infection and trauma from repeated pokes in his belly.
Doughboy was buried in a greased coffin, with the gravesite piled high with flours.
Dozens of celebrit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate guys who don't respect women

They're more than just a vagina, they're all of your household appliances in one handy package as well

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have lots of respect for sex workers

I always give them a big tip

Out of respect, there will be no jokes about a bag full of Jesus allowed here...

They're sack religous

Ellen Pao is actually right and we should respect her decisions

^jk ^lol

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Harley & The dishes (NSFW)

A guy named Joe heads into his local Harley Davidson dealership with a fistfull of dollars and starts looking for his dream motorbike. The dealer looks at Joe's choice and states that while Joe's choice in motorcycle was respectable, the older style Harleys not only held their value better, but in m...

People say that the President of the United States is a joke and no one respects him.

I dunno, Vladimir Putin doesn't seem like the sort of guy you'd mess with.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just realized the fight between obi wan and Anakin perfectly sums up the past year of fighting between Millenials and Boomers, respectively.

When Jedi business becomes too real.

---------------

Millenials: You have allowed this giant turd to twist your mind, until now, until now you've become the very thing you swore to destroy.

Boomer : Don't lecture me, child, I see through the lies of the libtards I do not fear t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A professional singer was contacted by a priest who asked if she would sing at the funeral of a homeless man with no family, who had recently passed away.

Moved with compassion, the singer agreed. The priest informed her that, since he had no relatives or money, the man would be buried in a paupers grave in the countryside, and informed the singer she would have to drive herself. On the day of the funeral, the singer set out in her car following the d...

I'm a Pro and Master.

Of Crastination and Bation, respectively.

I met this GORGEOUS girl named Christine at the bar.

she was SO hot, easily 10/10. I could not resist her attractiveness, so I decided to talk to her.

Her name was Christine, I told her that I find her VERY attractive.

I asked her if she is single, she said: Yes.

I was SUPER happy about that, and I was SO nervous, but I told mysel...

Seamus and Murphy wanted to go out drinking like respectable Irishman, but they didn't have alot of money...

Between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said to Seamus ‘Hang on my friend, I have an idea.’

He went next door to the butcher’s shop and came out with one large sausage.

Seamus said ‘Are you crazy Murph? Now we don’t have any money left at all!’...

John and his girlfriend Mary decide to become bank-robbers.

Mary does the actual robbing at gunpoint inside the banks while John waits outside as the getaway driver. They are initially successful with a string of heists that make headlines and they become folk-heroes. Until one day their luck runs out and they get caught.

At trial, the judge condemns ...

I get no respect, I tell ya

The other day I tell the cabbie "To the hospital!"

So he backed over me.

No Respect

My doctor said "Stop eating anything fatty."

I said "What? No bacon, no chips?"

He said "No fatty, stop eating anything."

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it had crippling depression, it was constantly reminded that it's life was worthless to those it was looked down on by. A mere piece of meat, not a living creature, worthy of respect, and dignity. It didn't want to live in a constant state of fear and depression, knowing that it's only purpo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I only have sex with people I respect.

That's why I don't masturbate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Adam said unto the lord...

‘This garden of Eden you have provided, it has endless beauty and boundless supplies of nuts and berries.
But I’ve no one to share it with oh lord.’

The lord was a pretty sharp dude and said unto Adam...

‘Actually I’ve been thinking about that very problem. I can see that you are ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paying Respects

Two construction workers, Bill and Andy, were doing some maintenance on the side of the road when a funeral procession approached. Bill ceased working, laid down his shovel, removed his hardhat and looked on solemnly as the hearse passed by. Andy took notice and said "That's real kind of you Bill,...

A tourist decides to visit a Native American Chief who is famous for his perfect memory.

"Okay, Chief..." says the tourist,

"Let's test that memory of yours. What did you eat for breakfast on May 9th, 1972?"

The Chief thinks for a moment, and responds "Eggs."

The tourist replies, "Wow, that's incredible! You really do have a perfect memory." and leaves.

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I respect people of all kinds

But I believe hermaphrodites can fuck themselves.

During these uncertain times, it is important to remember that we are all still human beings and we should treat each other in a polite and respectful manner. If I come within 6' of you, just politely remind me about social distancing.

None of this, "I have a restraining order, creep!"

A fathom is a unit of length equivalent to 6 feet, so not respecting social distance would be rather...

...unfathomable.

Stroke Play

A teenager, his father, and his grandfather play golf together every weekend. One day they get paired up with someone different. They ask who it is and the manager tells them, “you’ll find out on the first tee”.

The group gets to the first tee and finds the most beautiful woman they’ve ever s...

What do you get when you differentiate Amazon with respect to x?

Amazon Prime.

I have no respect for invertebrates...

They are so spineless.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW farmers daughter

There are 3 guys driving when their car breaks down. They come across a farm house and knock on the door. The farmer says I will fix your car in the morning, you guys can stay in the barn. My one rule is you won't sleep with my daughter. She has a golden pussy and I'll know if you slept with her....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So my brother had this beautiful motor cycle.

So my brother had this beautiful motorcycle. For years he had that thing, shined like a diamond. It was his baby. Well, he's getting older now, just got married, has a kid on the way, big new promotion in the city, new house, the works. It's about time to settle down for him so he decided to pass it...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.