UPJOKE
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Nobel Jokes

Why did the scarecrow get a nobel prize?

Because he was out-standing in his field.

Apologies if this has been posted, it’s new to me.

Nobel award winning physicist and his limo driver

A Nobel award winning physicist, who was afraid of flying, was on speaking tour of the nation's top colleges. He travelled by limousine to each destination to give his speech.
After two dozen engagements, the physicist and the limousine driver were having dinner before the next speech. The limous...

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Nobel Prize winner is dying (long)

A Nobel Prize winning professor is on his deathbed, losing and regaining consciousness every few minutes. Apart from his immediate family, all his graduate students are around as well.

The professor regains consciousness and looks at the bookshelf near him… He goes: “What are these books?”...

What's the difference between Greta Thunberg and Andrew Tate

Greta was nominated for the Nobel Prize, and awarded Tate the No-balls prize.

Whoever invented the knock knock jokes

Should get a Nobell prize.

The guy who invented the knock-knock jokes won a Nobel Prize

No-bell...

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

Credit Steven Wright

The first planet to win a Nobel Prize?

Marie Curie

I had a joke on nobel prize,

But mathematicians won't get it...

Did you hear about the scarecrow who won the Nobel prize

He was outstanding in his field

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A physicist recently won a Nobel Prize...

Over the course of the next few weeks he is welcomed to many ceremonies and events as a guest speaker.

On the way to the next event at Caltech University, he rehearses his speech again. During a pause, his driver says "You know I've heard your speech so many times I pretty much can recite it...

Donald Trump has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize

For real

r/Jokes founder nominated for the Nobel peace prize

Because they’ve created world’s most dedicated recycling community.

Nobel Prize Joke

A Nobel Prize winning mathematician is traveling from university to university on a speaking tour by limousine. After several engagements the mathematician and his driver are having dinner and the driver says "I've heard your speech so many times I think I could give it word-for-word." The mathemati...

Alfred Nobel got rich by selling dynamite

Growth was Explosive

When you don’t qualify for a Nobel Peace Prize...

... Go for the Darwin Award!

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Nobel Prize

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of nothing but grass.

He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing absolutely nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of ...

Why did the farmer win a Nobel prize?

He put no bells on his cow.

Three scientists were awarded the Nobel Prize for their work on black holes. The Trump Administration immediately objected

and said that research would should be directed towards white holes as well.

Why did the farmer win the Nobel Prize?

There was a clerical error. The award was intended to go to Malala Yousafzai for her advocacy work for education for young girls.

Can conspiracy theorists win a Nobel Prize?

They already have a Theory of Everything.

Alfred Nobel lived in poverty but soon turned around his fortune and became one of the richest people in world in just a decade ......

Quite an explosive growth I've to say

Nobel Prize winners are a lot like farmers

Oftentimes they are outstanding in their field.

Alfred Nobel is considered the inventor of dynamite

...because all the others could not be positively identified.

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There once was a mathematician.

He made it his life’s goal to tackle one of the greatest unsolved calculus problems in history. For months he worked, filling blackboards with numbers and lines, to no avail.

After a year of struggling, he was ready to give up. He pulled out the bottle of wine that was *meant* to toast his s...

Years ago, Nobel peace prize winner Liu Xiaobo died in custody under Xi Jinping, who denied any connection to the incident.

They said it’s a matter of “He said, Xi said.”

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A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

Why did Alexander Graham Bell never receive a nobel prize?

Because it's a "no bell" prize.

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?

Answer: To win the Nobel Prize!

I'm aware of the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor.

But an award specific to pun-craft rings nobel.

Knock Knock

>Who's there?

Nobel

>Nobel who?

No bell. That's why I knocked.

I always knock on the door and don't use the doorbell.

I think i deserve a Nobel prize.

Many people hoped to win a Nobel prize this year

But just one of them was Goodenough.

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the king and his cheating queen

A king who had been very busy conquering lands and staying out of his castle, returned home after a couple of years on the battlefield.

He received news that his wife or the queen had been cheating on him with the generals and several other higher-ups. In order to find out who was involved i...

Hardest person to sing happy birthday to...

Tu YouYou (Chinese Nobel laureate)

I was at a party and there was a big bowl of mixed alcohol and fruit juice, with a long line of brain surgeons, rocket scientists, and Nobel prize winners all queuing up to drink it...

...I thought what a great punch line.

Why did the scientist remove the bell off the house?

Because he wanted to win the NoBell prize.

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Anybody hear about the doorknob?

He won the nobell prize award!

I won a doorbell competition even though mine was missing.

They gave me the Nobel prize.

Back in the Middle Ages, horses were actually more intelligent than humans!

There were so many smart horses that every knight could have a Nobel Steed!

If good looks could kill, yo mama...

would win the Nobel Peace Prize.

What award did Gregor Mendel receive for his work in the field of Genetics?

The Nobel Peas Prize.

If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.

Nobel gases have no reaction.

Recent mobile phone technology has linked up with micro chip brain implant technology so that when your phone rings it can immediately connect without making a ringing sound.

It just won the Nobel peace prize.

A mathematician tried the Atkin diet.

After nearly starving to death, he won a Nobel prize by generalizing it to ribs.

I have the memory of a goldfish

And a Nobel prize for inventing the device that could extract it.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhino?

The Nobel Prize in Genetics.

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