UPJOKE
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Why did the scarecrow get a nobel prize?

Because he was out-standing in his field.

Apologies if this has been posted, it’s new to me.

Breaking News: The founder of r/Jokes has been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize

Well, they did create the world’s most dedicated recycling community, didn’t they?

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

Credit Steven Wright

Did you hear about the guy that invented the knock knock joke?

He won a Nobel Prize.

The first planet to win a Nobel Prize?

Marie Curie

Nobel award winning physicist and his limo driver

A Nobel award winning physicist, who was afraid of flying, was on speaking tour of the nation's top colleges. He travelled by limousine to each destination to give his speech. After two dozen engagements, the physicist and the limousine driver were having dinner before the next speech. The limousine...

Donald Trump has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize

For real

Did you hear about the scarecrow who won the Nobel prize

He was outstanding in his field

Alfred Nobel lived in poverty but soon turned around his fortune and became one of the richest people in world in just a decade ......

Quite an explosive growth I've to say

Three scientists were awarded the Nobel Prize for their work on black holes. The Trump Administration immediately objected

and said that research would should be directed towards white holes as well.

Years ago, Nobel peace prize winner Liu Xiaobo died in custody under Xi Jinping, who denied any connection to the incident.

They said it’s a matter of “He said, Xi said.”

When you don’t qualify for a Nobel Peace Prize...

... Go for the Darwin Award!

A Nobel Prize winning mathematician is traveling from university to university on a speaking tour by limousine.

A Nobel Prize winning mathematician is traveling from university to university on a speaking tour by limousine. After several engagements the mathematician and his driver are having dinner and the driver says "I've heard your speech so many times I think I could give it word-for-word." The mathemati...

Alfred Nobel got rich by selling dynamite

Growth was Explosive

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A physicist recently won a Nobel Prize...

Over the course of the next few weeks he is welcomed to many ceremonies and events as a guest speaker.

On the way to the next event at Caltech University, he rehearses his speech again. During a pause, his driver says "You know I've heard your speech so many times I pretty much can recite it...

A Nobel prize winner goes around the country giving a speech at every city.

He always practices in his car while traveling from one city to the next. After multiple days of this, the chauffeur says: "I have heard this speech so many times that I could recite it word by word by now." The Nobel prize winner says that he can do the next presentation as he is so sure. The chauf...

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There once was a mathematician.

He made it his life’s goal to tackle one of the greatest unsolved calculus problems in history. For months he worked, filling blackboards with numbers and lines, to no avail.

After a year of struggling, he was ready to give up. He pulled out the bottle of wine that was *meant* to toast his s...

Why did the farmer win the Nobel Prize?

There was a clerical error. The award was intended to go to Malala Yousafzai for her advocacy work for education for young girls.

Can conspiracy theorists win a Nobel Prize?

They already have a Theory of Everything.

I was at a party and there was a big bowl of mixed alcohol and fruit juice, with a long line of brain surgeons, rocket scientists, and Nobel prize winners all queuing up to drink it...

...I thought what a great punch line.

Farming for a Nobel Prize

Farmer John is driving along the road one day when he spots his neighbour, Bill, standing on top of his tractor in the middle of his field. Overcome with curiosity, he ambles over and asks Bill what he is up to?
Bill replies, "Trying to win a Nobel prize".
"How do you figure?"
"Well, I h...

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Nobel Prize

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of nothing but grass.

He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing absolutely nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of ...

Why did Alexander Graham Bell never receive a nobel prize?

Because it's a "no bell" prize.

I'm aware of the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor.

But an award specific to pun-craft rings nobel.

Nobel Prize winners are a lot like farmers

Oftentimes they are outstanding in their field.

Alfred Nobel is considered the inventor of dynamite

...because all the others could not be positively identified.

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A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

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I am trying to remember a very long joke my high school physics teacher told me.

First off I know there’s TOMT for things like this, however since this is a joke I figure it gets pretty hard to track these sorts of things down. I remember the jist and punchline of this joke, however I also remember it having a very long and intricate setup, so long I remember getting pretty bore...

Many people hoped to win a Nobel prize this year

But just one of them was Goodenough.

I always knock on the door and don't use the doorbell.

I think i deserve a Nobel prize.

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An old Justin Wilson joke

An old, crotchety farmer woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. The man clutched his chest and fumbled for the telephone to call an ambulance, fearing that he was having a heart attack.

Upon arriving at the hospital, the man, stable but still in quite a bit of pain, was greeted ...

Why did the scientist remove the bell off the house?

Because he wanted to win the NoBell prize.

A man is given a job at the railroad

However he has no experience with trains. On his very first day he kills 200 senior citizens going around the curve at 600 miles per hour. This is all happening in Texas, and so he is sentenced to death. For his last meal he has 13 Bananas, which he eats peels and all. When they turn on the electric...

Hardest person to sing happy birthday to...

Tu YouYou (Chinese Nobel laureate)

Back in the Middle Ages, horses were actually more intelligent than humans!

There were so many smart horses that every knight could have a Nobel Steed!

If good looks could kill, yo mama...

would win the Nobel Peace Prize.

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Anybody hear about the doorknob?

He won the nobell prize award!

What award did Gregor Mendel receive for his work in the field of Genetics?

The Nobel Peas Prize.

I won a doorbell competition even though mine was missing.

They gave me the Nobel prize.

Recent mobile phone technology has linked up with micro chip brain implant technology so that when your phone rings it can immediately connect without making a ringing sound.

It just won the Nobel peace prize.

If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.

Nobel gases have no reaction.

A mathematician tried the Atkin diet.

After nearly starving to death, he won a Nobel prize by generalizing it to ribs.

When you transgress the laws of men, you go to jail.

When you transgress the laws of God, you go to hell.

When you transgress the laws of physics, you go to Stockholm to receive a Nobel price.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhino?

The Nobel Prize in Genetics.

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