When I was a kid I used to admire educated people, but now I realized well mannered people are better than educated ones...

Little did I know you have to lack both to become president of the United States

You have to admire Amish people for their great sense of self-derision. You can find tons of jokes making fun of them on Reddit...

But you never see one of them writing a disapproving comment below.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I absolutely love and admire the unintellignt, overweight, yellowish-orange skinned man with the bad combover covering his baldness who has had his finger on the nuclear button all these years...

Wait... I was talking about Homer Simpson, who did you think I meant?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yesterday I learnt that I have a real problem with heroine addiction.

I have to have sex with a woman admired for her courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities...

You have to admire his hard work. Donald Trump stayed up the entire night studying.

But he still failed the COVID test.

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her n...

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian are looking at a painting of Adam and Eve The Englishman admires it and says, "Look at them, calm, reserved and proper, they were surely English."

The Frenchmen laughs and replies "They are naked and beautiful, there is no doubt they would be French."

The Russian slowly shakes his head, "My friends, they are definitely Russian. No clothes, no house, no possessions, they have only an apple to eat and they are told this is paradise."

Have you ever noticed how people walk slower when they want to admire something and how they walk faster when they are scared?

Me neither because people are usually far away from me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jeff Bezos: "Alexa, send nudes to my secret admirer."

Alexa: "Got it. Sending nudes to the National Enquirer."

A Woman & a Shepard

(Preface: My father told me this joke when I was little.)

There once was a woman who was sick of all the blonde jokes she had been the victim of. So, she decided to make a change - she dyed her hair, freshened up her wardrobe, even bought herself a new car. Feeling like a bee person, she vent...

Three men are stranded on an island always covered in fog.

One is 20 years old, one is 40 and the third one is 60. After a few months, out of nowhere, the fog goes away, and they can see that not far from where their island, there was another island full of young naked women.

"Quickly, let's swim to them" says the youngest.


"Why don't w...

Gotta admire Voldemort’s work on horcruxes.

He really put his soul into it.

Credit to u/cpt_hamster, great joke man!

I really admire geologists.

They leave no stone unturned.

My doctor told me I have acute angina

I said "I came here to be examined, not admired."

What do you call someone who admires Thanos's work?

A Fan-os

For the past twenty years, I've received a Valentine's card from the same secret admirer. So, I was pretty upset when I didn't get one this year.

First my granny dies, now this?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went to the doctor suffering from severe headaches.

After a thorough examination, the doctor turned to him and said: "Jerry, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration." "You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates these serious headaches...

So a politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

‟So, you’re a politician...”
‟Well, yes, is that a problem?”
‟Oh no, no problem. But we have recently adopted a new system for people in your line of wo...

One morning, an atheist was walking through a beautiful forest

He looked up and saw the trees swaying in the wind high above him and smiled

He saw the river glisten and the sun twinkle like a new born star and it made him warm inside

He thought to himself: "what a beautiful world mother nature has created"

The atheist had walked a little fu...

Jesus turns water into wine, everyone admires him and talks about it for 2000 years..

I turn water into sprite at Chipotle, and everyone calls it stealing.

you really have to admire brits who voted to leave

They were so worried about immigrants ruining their economy than they preempted it by doing it themselves.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A school teacher, a police officer, and a hedge fund founder are trapped on a deserted island.

After scavenging for days with little success, they come across a magical lamp. The officer decides to give it a quick rub and out pops a genie.

"Hello, I am here to grant each of you an imperishable supply of food and water as you await your rescue. Be warned, it can only be consumed only ...

My classmates admire me because I do not believe the earth is round.

It is quite flattering.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I admire people who analyze stool samples

They really know their shit.

I really admire assassins.

Not because of the genius way that they go about their craft, but because they managed to get "ass" in the same word twice.

Two nuns, who were in Africa to spread the gospel, ran out of gas with their jeep just outside a remote village they had visited.

One of the nuns remembered they had a small gas station of sorts in the village, so they decided to walk back and get some gas for their jeep. They couldn’t find any can in the car, but one of them grabbed a potty from their sanitary equipment and said it would suffice, and off they went. As they re...

I thought by now you'd realise

A taxidermist and his apprentice are working late into the night to get their big project done - a full size lion on a purpose built stand. This once-mighty big cat had been killed in a fight with another lion, and was being fixed up for display at a natural history museum. The taxidermist had skill...

A woman with extremely hairy armpits decides to wear a sleeveless dress.

She enters a bus and, finding no seats, is forced to hold the railing on top with the other standing passengers.

A drunk man was standing next to her. "I really admire you ballerinas, you know.“

Confused, she responds," Why would you think I'm a ballerina?“

“It's obvious, " says...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and an ostrich walk into a bar...

The man asks for a beer and the bartender obliges.

"Ahem," says the ostrich. The bartender looks up at it. It nods its head at the beer in front of the man and says, "I'll have the same." Bartender shrugs and gets a second beer for the bird.

After a few hours of drinking in silence, th...

Did anyone here watch WWDC 2019 today? I was, and I truly admired Apple’s courage

Only they have the courage to sell a $1,000 stand that you’ve got to buy after paying $5,000 for a monitor.

Such courage

The Top 10 Reasons a Gun is better than a woman....

#10. You can trade an old .44 for a new 22

#9. You can keep one Gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

#8. If you admire a friend's Gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7. Your primary Gun doesn't mind if you keep another Gun ...

I really admire what Caitlyn Jenner did

Took some balls

Why did the stoner admire himself in the mirror everyday?

Because he has a high opinion of himself

A King is being admired by his people...

They bring him food, bathe him, protect his castle, and all he has to do is shake a paw every once and a while..

An American tourist in Ireland...

An American tourist is on holiday for a few weeks in country Ireland.

On his second day he has to cash a cheque at a bank so he goes to the bank on the high street.

While waiting in line he looks out the window & notices 2 irish council workers going up 1 side of the street, then t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I laid back last night and admired the sky above me, taking in the beauty of the universe when it hit me...

Where the fuck is my roof?

Coming in early and leaving late are generally great and admired qualities.

Some women just don’t appreciate a strong work ethic I suppose.

My boss pulled up in his brand new BMW today

and I couldn’t help but admire it. “Nice car,” I said as he got out. “Well,” he said, noticing my admiring looks, “Work hard, put the hours in, and I’ll have an even better one next year.” (Credit The Joke Cafe https://thejokecafe.com)

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married.

She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on t...

An inventor is about to pass, leaving all he has to his only family. His two children.

He was a very altruistic person in life, only using his inventions to help people and not make any profit. His daughter admired this trait and followed this path becoming a tinkerer herself. His son, however, was an opportunist. He would always attempt to make a profit off any of his father's invent...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.