There once was a man named Ulf, and he was the meanest Viking in all the land.

Time after time he proved his temperament, and so obnoxious was he that the world knew him as Rude Ulf.

Despite his prowess, the village soon found him unbearable, and even his mother had not a kind thing to say.

Amidst pleas and cries for Rude Ulf’s exile, the chief gave him an ultima...

In light of Blizzard Entertainments most recent PR plunder

They're digging their hole even deeper, some say they're even digging all the way to China.

Just as the Count was about to pounce on van Helsing, the door to the library was flung open.

Incontinently, a host of furious villagers stormed into the library, waving blazing torches and voicing dire threats. The Count turned to leap on them, then reeled back, repelled at the reek of garlic that wafted from them like a solid thing.

"Count Dracula!" cried the burgomaster, a solid ci...

I am a wondrous creature for women in expectation...

A service for neighbors. I harm none of the citizens except my slayer alone. My stem is erect, I stand up in bed hairy somewhere down below. A very comely peasants daughter, dares sometimes, proud maiden, that she grips at me, attacks me in my redness, plunders my head, confines me in a stronghold, ...

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A sailor meets a pirate in a bar.

They take turns boasting about their great conquests and adventures on the ocean. The sailor is curious about the pirate's peg leg, hook, and eyepatch.

"How did you end up with a peg-leg?" he asks.

"We were in a storm and I was swept overboard. I started climbing back onto the ship, bu...

I took a road trip to Alaska.

I took a trip to Alaska and stopped at a resort that lets you rent out gold pans that let you sort out gold in their river. They let you keep what you find.

Excited, I go out to find some plunder. I sat there searching for hours, and I couldn’t find a single speck.

When I walked into ...

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One day a City Slicker walks into an old tavern by the sea

He sees a pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand and an eye patch! He decided she has to meet this pirate, and sits down next to him and orders him a beer asking him, “Hello Mr. Pirate sir, if it’s not too much trouble would please tell me how you lost your leg?”

The pirate responds, “Well ...

(cool title)



There was a pirate captain who, every time his crew went raiding, always instructed his first mate to bring him a red shirt to wear. After several wildly successful raids with the captain leading attack, the first mate got curious and asked, "Captain, why is it every time we go a-plundering ...

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A pirate captain was telling his first mate how he got his injuries

First he points to his peg leg. "You see," he says, "I got thrown overboard in a terrible storm an' a great white shark bit off me leg before I could climb back up."
"That's amazing," the first mate replies, "and what happened to your hand?"
"We was boarding a ship to take its plunder an' ...

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This was the first long joke I ever learned. Interview with a pirate.

There was a pirate who had agreed to do an interview with a local tv station. The reporter was very courteous and professional, giving a bit of background as to the pirate's business. She then began interviewing him.

"So Mr. Longbeard, are there any risks to your business? I see you have a pe...

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What do pirates call anal sex?

Plundering booty.

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Two pirates were talking, the second one with a pegleg, a hook, and an eyepatch

Pirate 1: arrr, how ye get that peg leg

Pirate 2: arr, ye was thrown overboard 'n got attacked by a shark!

Pirate 1: aye, that is unfortunate. How ye get yer hook?

Pirate 2: got in a sword fight, me opponent was good, cut me hand clean off!

Pirate 1: arr, be happy ye stil...

What do pirates and pimps both have in common....

...they both say "yo ho" and plunder the bootie!

Compliments of my gf :)

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An intern's first day on a pirate ship...

A pirate and his protege are together on a ship. The protege asks the pirate, "Barnabus, how did you get that peg leg?"
The pirate replied "I was in a rigorous battle, attempting to plunder another ship. Out of nowhere came a cannonball, and blew my leg square off!"
"Well then, how did you acq...

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What's the difference between a normal pirate and a sexy pirate?

The type of booty they plunder.

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Captain Loony Doubloon

At the last port-of-call before a long voyage, lonely Captain Loony Doubloon decides it's time he needs another parrot. He heads to the port's birdkeep, and finds the perfect talkative parrot perched on its swing within. The keeper discloses, however, that the bird was born with no legs, among anoth...

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Saw someone post this on Facebook. Got a kick out of it.

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity
generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the U.S. Department of Energy.

I then took a shower in the clean water provided by a municipal water
utility.

After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC-re...

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