The Russian Prime Minister comes to President Putin and nervously tells him to abolish these time zones.

Putin: Why?

Prime Minister:
Ah, I can't find myself with these times. I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. Once, I woke you up at 4 in the morning, but I thought it was only evening. I called Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it...

Why is Optimus Prime worthless?

The derivative at the maximum = 0

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prime Minister's Wife Makes a Faux Pas

When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table, the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame deGaulle: "Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and ...

You may not believe me when I say that Trump isn't the Prime Minister of Canada

It's Trudeau.

Optimus Prime, in full on robot battle, wondering how the decepticons keep figuring out his next moves before he makes them

only to look down and see that his blinker was on the entire time.

What did the Prime Minister see when they looked in the mirror?

A Member of Parliament

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Indian student in USA(NSFW)

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said: "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.

Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces except for Ch...

A foreign country's leader was cooking a small pot of prime ribs

While cooking, he stirred the pot. It was a prime mini stir

The UK Prime Minister just announced her resignation.

This is not surprising. It is the end of May, after all.

Why does Optimus Prime lead orchestras in his free time?

Because he is a semiconductor

Jeff Bezos stepped down as CEO of Amazon.

Quit when he was in his Prime.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I just ordered some pills from Amazon Prime to help sex go faster.

Came real quick.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wanted to tell a joke about amazon prime

But I'd probably just fuck up the delivery

Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?

They were prime mates.

I’m binging a TV show for free on Amazon, but it won’t let me watch certain episodes. Specifically episode number 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, and 97.

Those are only available on Amazon Prime.

“Did you know that two is the first odd prime?”

“But two is even.”

“That’s what’s so odd about it.”

What do you call a lying robot with a positive outlook?

Optimist prime the deception-con

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A Frenchman, an Englishman and an Australian were hiking through some remote mountains.

The weather was oppressively hot when they saw this beautiful lake. They ran down to the lake, stripped off and swam in the wonderfully cool water.

Natives appeared on the shore and captured them and took them before the Chief.

"Lake is our most sacred site. You have violated sacred si...

There has been a lot of fake news going on about the Camadian prime minister lately

Some of it is Trudeau

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Menachem Begin (the sixth Prime Minister of Israel) walks into a bar,

and to his amazement just down the end, talking to the bar-tender is no one but Adolf Hitler himself. Well Begin thought to himself, this is my chance to find out what makes this guy tick.

So he goes up to him and says, “Hitler, what the hell you doing here?”

Hitler looks over at Mena...

The year is 2192. The British Prime Minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension of the Brexit deadline.

No one remembers where this tradition originated, but every year it attracts many tourists from all over the world.

Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English training before he visited Washington to meet president Barack Obama

The instructor told Prime Minister Mori, '"When you shake hands with President Obama, please ask 'How are you?'. Then Mr. Obama will say, 'I am fine and you?'. Now, you should say 'me too'. Afterwards, we translators, will do the work for you."

It looked quite simple but when Mori met Obama,...

My 6 year old is coming up with dad jokes: What do you call Optimus Prime if he gets a tick?

Optimis-tick

What did 8 say to 4...?

I don’t know if this joke has been done before, English is not my native language, but I thought of this myself (I think)
Here it goes:

What did 8 say to 4 after her blind date with 3?
- Well, he seems to be in his prime, but he is also a little odd. I‘ve set you up on a blind date and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Best way to vaccinate the masses

Train all of the Amazon drivers to give it.
Everyone will have it by Saturday.
Thursday if you have Prime.

Mr Trump was invited to visit a poor African country.

A soccer match was arranged between two local teams in honour of Trump's visit. During the match, the Prime Minister of the country explained about the poverty his country was facing. Trump listened intently and said

"Mr PM, I've seen enough and I fully understand the extent of the poverty yo...

What transformer is made out of cardboard and shows up in two days?

Amazon prime

I could never be Prime Minister. Imagine the thousands of people below you, looking to you for inspiration.





It's like being a great grandfather in a Muslim family

Why can you get arrested if you tell Optimus Prime a joke?

Vehicular man’s laughter.

I'm gonna assassinate the prime Minister and I need help from you guys

Shoot me a pm if interested

I was spray painting a side table when I noticed my first coat was really patchy...

I thought to myself, "well this can is past its prime"

Luckily I had another can that was primer.

Since I'm 43....

If we're speaking rationally, I'm in a prime of my life.

The Pope is visiting Canada.

After completing his visit, the Canadian government gives him a chauffeur-driven car to see the natural beauty of Canada. After 20 kilometers through Canada, he says to the driver:

"Oh, let me get behind the wheel. I'm from the narrow Papal States, and I always have to sit in the back of the...

I've heard the Canadian Prime-Minister has a French last name.

Is this Trudeau?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump met with the Queen of England, and politely asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

Donald Trump met with the Queen of England, and politely asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well," replied the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Trump frowned, and...

If Britain lost the second World War...

Would the Prime Minister be known as Loseton Churchill?

Why did the prime minister think that Australia was save from the virus?

They got new fire walls last year.

Why do British hate the Prime numbers?

Because they can't be divided

I went on a spirit journey, and learned my ancestral guide is Optimus Prime.

It was an Autobot-y experience.

What do you call a Prime Minister who spies on all your activities?

Justin Truding.

hehe.

Hey, do you know where the best place in d&d 5e to hear stand-up comedy would be?

The Prime Material plane

I told my friend that the current prime minister of Canada is Donald Trump

It's not Tru, deau.

My ex girlfriend was obsessed with trying to find the largest known prime number.

I wonder what she’s up to now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Optimus Prime say when it is time to leave the orgy?

"Autobots, PULL OUT!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vladimir Putin is hosting a summit with Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, and Justin Trudeau.

As a part of the summit, Putin takes the three leaders to a wilderness area outside of Moscow and dismisses the press corps, and a large wolf in a cage is brought out.


"Friends, this savage wolf was trapped and brought from the wilds of Siberia just yesterday. I want to show you what ki...

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common?

The higher they are, the more spaced out they get

You wouldn't think that the Canadian prime minister's wife could get the coronavirus...

It's Trudeau.

Why do the Autobots do their Christmas shopping at night?

Because that's when they get pajamas on Prime.


It's okay, even I would downvote this.

Math joke : Should you say "All prime numbers are odd except one",

or "All prime numbers are odd except two ?"

Some people say the Canadian prime minister does not like dressing up like a black person.

But it's Trudeau.

'2' managed to be prime,

Against all the odds.

4, 6, 8 and 9 have all been killed

2, 3, 5, 7 and 11 are the prime suspects.

I heard a rumour about the Canadian Prime Minister

Not sure if it’s Trudeau.

Update 1: There are some rumours that are Justin.

A tribal artisan approache Mr. Narendra Modi, Prime minister of India with a proposal

Artisan : Mr. PM, Can I make a statue of yours in my tribal style?

PM: Ok, Please go ahead.

Artisan: Will I get any remuneration?

PM: I will give you 100,000 Indian Rupees for it.

Artisan was so happy, he worked hard and made a very beautiful statue of PM.

PM was v...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It just struck me that in British slang the US President's surname means "Fart" and in US slang the British prime minister's surname means "Penis"



I can't wait to tell the wife. She'll laugh her Merkel off.

[OC] How many UK Prime Ministers does it take to change a light bulb?

Who knows, they're never in office long enough to be able to do so.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An eighty-five year old couple, married for almost sixty years, died in a car crash and went to the Pearly Gates.

They had been in good health for the last ten years, mainly as a result of the wife's interest in healthy diets and exercise.

St. Peter welcomed them into Heaven and took them to their small palace in heaven- complete with a large bedroom, Jacuzzi, full kitchen, and billiards table. "How much...

The American President has challenged the British Prime Minister to a debate.

Nobody knows what may happen.

Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump.

I'm old. I just turned 32.

I'm past my prime.

Queen Elizabeth and Indira Gandhi

My dad told me this joke when I was young, and I think it's HILARIOUS:

Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was once invited by Queen Elizabeth. Both of them were riding in the Queen's horse-driven carriage when one of the horses farted.

Petrified and embarrassed by the horse's toot, th...

If Optimus Prime were to write a memoir about his life, it would be an

autobotography

I read today that the Prime Minister of Australia receives in the mail, on average, two parcels each week that contain human excrement.

I wonder who's sending the other one?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In a faraway land there was a king

And he had a very beatiful daughter, the minister loved her so much that he would offer anything for a night with her, So the strategist made him an offer: "give me half your wealth and I'll think of a way so you get to kiss her for a whole day...but if you break our deal you will regret it"
...

The President of the United States is going to debate the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. Nobody's sure who's going to win.

Trump may trump May, May may trump Trump.

r/wordavalanches

People say Canada's Prime Minister is a joke

I can't disagree, so to that I say, "that's true doe."

Jeff Bezos will never be the President of Amazon.

But he'll always be the Prime Minister.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

6 never did trust 7. Sure, they worked closely together, but 7 always seemed at odds with him. 6 always preferred the company of 4, a perfect 10 of a duo, even though 2 kept them apart.
But when it came to 7? 6 always summed it up to bad luck. Then, 6 found the truth.
6 respected 9, even thoug...

UK PRIME MINISTER:What do we want?

UK GOVERNMENT: BREXIT
UK PRIME MINISTER: When do we want it?
UK GOVERNMENT: NEVER!!!

One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.

That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

A chinese pot, an establishment for drinks and accommodation, a prime number, and former senator Abraham Ribicoff ...

Wok inn 2 Abe R.

How do Australians order monkies?

Amazon Prime, mate.

Mathematicians, physicists, and engineers have determined all odds are primes...

The mathematician says, "Excluding 1, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime... proof by induction, all odds are prime"

The physicist says, "Excluding 1, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is experimental error, 11 is prime... all odds are prime"

The engineer says, "1 is is prime, 3 is...

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides. The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people, the second is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.


The kingdoms ...

When my son learned about prime numbers, he told me that the Pledge of Allegiance would be better if we added three more states

Because 53 is indivisible.

What's the name of Optimus Prime's brother who lives in South American jungle?

Amazon Prime.

My friend asked me what I got on prime day..

I answered "a bunch of pictures of dogs"

In a speech two days ago, Prime Minister Theresa May has announced that she plans to delay Brexit, in the hopes that the UK leaves with her deal on 22 May

May wants to leave at the end of May.

Once upon a time, there was a triangular lake.

On each side of this lake there was a kingdom. Kingdom 1 was rich and proud. They showed off their wealth at every corner. Kingdom two was wealthy as well, but was humble about it. Kingdom 3 was in great debt, and was struggling to keep their citizens alive.

One day, the kingdoms started a wa...

Headline news say British Prime Minister Theresa May Resign...

She is so indecisive that she can’t even make up her mind about resignation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do the Japanese get horny when there's a new Prime Minister?

Because the whole country just had an Erection

A woman had hosted a party over her place when she had a baby

So she asked her maid to pickup her dress, get some balloons and get some milk from the market.





When the maid picked up the dress, there was a pretty noticeable hole on it.




Then the balloon she brought were already popped




And the milk ca...

I went back in time to become the first person to say the glass was half full.

You can refer to me as "optimist prime."

At 18 a woman is like Africa

At 18 a woman is like Africa, wild and untamed.

At 28 a woman is like Asia, exotic and beautiful.

At 38 a woman is like America, flourishing and in the prime of life.

At 48 a woman is like Europe, exhausted but still has points of interest.

At 58 a woman is like Austra...

Sansa: Hey, so I really like this cute top I saw on Amazon and want it to be delivered through Prime ASAP. What shipping speed shall I select?

Arya: Not two day.

Optimus Prime: Autobots, roll out!

Pessimus Prime: Why? We’ll just lose...

My friends were arguing about who is prime minister of Canada. My first friend said he has a french name. My other friend said that he is wrong.

So I turned to him and said: 'He's trudeau.'

What does Optmius Prime's giggling sound like?

Like a vehicular man's laughter.

The Prime Minister's speech writer has resigned.

He's speechless.

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