My friends are like hidden treasure

3 feet deep underground

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure

Wonderful saying, horrible way of finding out you’re an orphan

Comedians like Chris Farley and George Carlin were so good, they're a national treasure

Well, they used to be anyway


Now they're just buried treasure

My family is like a treasure

You need a map and shovel to find them

A treasure chest falls down from an airplane: Mickey Mouse, Santa Claus, a corrupt politician and an honest politician all run to the place where it lands. Who gets the treasure?

The corrupt politician, because all the others are fictional characters.

Why was Caitlyn Jenner chosen as the PTA treasurer?

Because posting read “Must be trans parent.”

What is a Pirates least favourite treasure to find?

A sunken chest with no booty.

I was digging in my garden and i found buried treasure.

I thought to go tell my wife but then I remembered why I was digging.

Why won't the shrimp share its treasure?

Because it's shellfish.

What did the pirate Reddit user say when he found a treasure chest?

“This will probably get buried but...”

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What did the pirate captain say when he caught his first mate hiding a rooster in his treasure chest?

**Get yer cock out of me booty!**

THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD...

How bad is it you ask?

So bad,

THAT....

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer....

A pirate captain was out at sea when his first mate ran to him suddenly...

The first mate shouted “Sir! Theres a ship on the horizon armed with 10 cannons and 100 men!”

The captain replied, “bring me my red shirt and prepare for battle!”

The pirates fight and win the battle, making off with all the treasure. A few days later, the first mate again run up yell...

The greatest treasure wins

Once, there were two tribes - the Ubangis and the Wallawallas. They worshiped the same gods, and their religion told them that whoever possessed the greatest worldly treasure had the gods's favor.

For many years, the favor of the gods lay with the Ubangis, whose chief had made a throne of ...

When I was a kid, my brother told me about the treasure in the bottom of the well.

I fell for it.

My uncle always told me, "The real treasure, was inside of you the whole time".

As kind as that sounds, he sold organs to the black market for a living.

Many years ago there lived a poor fisherman in a coastal city-state

Many years ago there lived a poor fisherman in a coastal city-state. Once, while at the market trying to sell seafood he received a gold coin as payment from a stranger. Since this was worth more than he ever earned in a year, he was overjoyed. He decided to hide his gold coin in a space between bri...

A man visits a wise man and meets his three daughters...

He's staying for the night and each of the girls come to him in turn to offer their hospitality.

The first one tells him her name is June because she was born in June. She is well practiced in fortune telling and gives him advice on the future.

The second one tells him her name is Augu...

Seems there was a treasure ship on its way back to port.

About halfway there, it was approached by a pirate, skull and crossbones waving
in the breeze!

"Captain, captain, what do we do?" asked the first mate.

"First mate," said the captain, "go to my cabin, open my sea
chest, and bring me my red shirt." The first mate did so.
...

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Pirate pick-up lines

“I must be huntin’ treasure, ’cause I’m diggin’ yer chest.”

“Ya certainly put the shiver in me timber.”

“See this hook? Variable speed with five alternate attachments, Baby.”

“Nice poop deck on ya, lassie. Care fer a swabbin’?”

“Avast, me pretty! Strike your panties and p...

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Bob and Pete went treasure hunting in a deep jungle (sad story)

"Damn it Pete, it's been three days we've got no burgers, no beer, not even a couch and It's all your fault!"

"Won't be long now Bob, the map says it's somewhere 'round here... how 'bout you go east i go west that would save us some time right?"

"Right... This better be worth it Pete"<...

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These three men went into business together and the first one said: "I put up sixty-five percent of the capital, so I'm the president and chairman of the board."

“I put up thirty percent of the money," said the second, "so I'm appointing myself vice president, secretary and treasurer."

“Well I put up five percent," pointed out the third partner. "What's that make me?"

The chairman said, "I'm appointing you vice president of sex and music." ...

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A man is riding his donkey in the desert looking for treasure.

They go 5 miles, and pass an oasis, the donkey looks back, and the man goes,

“Just a little longer, Jackass.

They go 10 miles, and pass another oasis, the donkey looks back, and the man goes,

“Just a little longer, Jackass.”

They go 15 miles, and pass another oasis, the...

My ex girlfriend was an absolute treasure

I say this because just like treasure, you'll probably need a map and a shovel to find her

A woman came home to find her husband sleeping with another woman.

Distraught, the wife leave the house and decides to go and seek the advice of a wise monk who lives on a mountain.

The wife travels up the mountain to the monk and asks him for advice. The monk thinks for a minute and then offers the wife a cookie, she accepts and eats it, he then offers her ...

The girlfriend ask her boyfriend.

What will happen if i pulled the plug when you are in the middle of your game.

The boyfriend replied.

I will treasure the time with you, deepen our relationship, so that one day we can get married. Have 1 or 2 kids in our happy family and grow old together. And when we are too old, w...

Nic Cage went through such a hassle to find a national treasure.

When all he had to do was look in a the mirror.

We meet a lot of people in our lives who must be treasured.

You know, locked up in a box and buried underground.

I posted a joke here and nobody seemed to notice. A day later somebody else posted my joke and got tons of upvotes.

They weren’t lying when they said one mans trash is another mans treasure.

What did the treasure hunter say when he finally found the map of the Golden City?

Atlas!

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PIRATE THAT KISSED THE PIRATE WOMANS TREASURE CHEST?

His tongue got stuck in her booty!

Three young friends, seeking a fortune, adventure together to Egypt where a new pyramid has been discovered.

Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavated. The friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never before used.

It is through this entrance that they find a secret passageway, one that is made at...

Hello, God?

In an effort to combat religious bigotry, the leaders of the world's largest religions decided to show solidarity by organizing a world tour, where they would all visit each other in their respective seats of power.

The first stop on the tour was the Vatican where the Pope welcomed the group ...

What have I named the Pie section of my bakery menu?

Treasure Hunter cus its full of Pie-Rates

A North Korean man is walking home

A North Korean man is walking along the road when he spots a fish caught in the reeds. Excitedly, he scooped it up and ran home.

"Look what I found!" he says, revealing his treasure to his wife, "Quick heat the oil"

"But husband, the police confiscated the oil! They said subversives co...

At what location is the gold on a dog’s treasure map?

Where p marks the spot

As a person who has owned over 50 dogs in their life there are 2 thing I’ve learnt...

1.) Your time with them Is brief so treasure it.

2.) They LOVE chocolate.

My mother in law is like a treasure,

I feel a strong urge to bury her on a deserted island

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Modern Day Cowboy

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water.


His horse has already died of thirst.


He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards a...

Tutankhamen: If you find ten guys to help, I'll cut you in on a slice of the treasure

Slave: This sounds like a pyramid scheme

Tutankhamen: A what?

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My dick is like a Nicolas Cage movie

Not because it’s a national treasure but because it’s gone in 60 seconds.

Pirate 1: "the treasures be buried"

Pirate 2:" *are"

My Father always said his children are his treasures.

When he buried Debbie in the backyard it took a dark twist.

Where did the peanut hide his treasure?

Inside a chestnut.

A guy was in a cave, looking for treasure.

He found an old lamp, rubbed it, and a genie came out.

The genie said "I will grant you three wishes, but your ex-wife will get double."

The man agreed, and said "I wish I had a mansion."

The genie granted it, and his ex-wife got two mansions.

The man said "I would li...

My son is a treasure

You have to dig him up.

A monk at a Benedictine monastery lived there for many years,

became well known for his immense learning, and eventually rose to the position of abbot, where he gained access to the monastery’s full archives. He decided to open the archives and begin translating and cataloging it.

So he holed up in the vast library, carefully going through its many rare...

A wise old pirate captain has captured a group of merchant sailors, but he tells them that he will spare their lives if they can answer a question: What is a pirate's favorite letter?

The first sailor, with a smug look on his face, haughtily walks up to the captain and says "Obviously it's RRRRRRR!". The captain slowly shakes his head and says "RRRRRR you kidding me?" before throwing the sailor overboard to the sharks. The second sailor, a little wary now but still feeling confid...

I'm launching a pirating website.

It has two games: a treasure hunting game called "X Marrrrrrks the Spot" and a naval warfare game called "Take No Prisonerrrrrrs." It also has lots of free movies you can download and watch.

All the movies have 3.14 stars.

My girlfriend just emailed me a photo of us on our first date together. It's a very treasured memory for me. Problem is, the file wont open on my computer.

I guess I have emotional attachment issues.

Once a woman gave birth to a very ugly baby

When the nurse showed it to her, she told her husband:

-Look at this, isn't it a treasure?

The husband replied:

-Of course it is, bring a shovel and lets bury it

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When Solomon the Wise received the Queen of Sheba at his palace, he needed grand new thrones for him and for her.

So by the power of the Seal of Solomon he summoned *djinn* and he said to them: Craft me a pair of thrones that shall be the wonder of all the ages, exquisite in both materials and workmanship and of a value surpassing all the treasures of the earth. And the *djinn*, bound under the Seal, bowed low ...

I have a gardening tool that I use to dig up large amounts of treasure

So yeah, I got a big booty hoe

Why did the pirate put springs on his treasure chest?

He wanted to see that booty bounce.

My GF is like my treasure...

I buried her in my backyard yesterday.

People always say, "Its the little things in life you treasure"...

But whenever I'm naked, girls always laugh.

In the first photo of a black hole

, scientists will find a large number of headphones, lipstick, umbrella, charging treasure, data cable, single socks, ...

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Three friends are fishing when a crocodile comes ashore and grants them three wishes...

The first friend says "I wish I could catch a huge marlin"

The crocodile swims away for a moment, then comes back.
The friend then pulls in a massive marlin.

"Amazing!" Says the second friend "Well you know what? I wish I were rich"

The crocodile then swims underwater and fet...

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Three sons go to their father on his deathbed...

A father of three - a man of considerable wealth and creator of a veritable empire - lies on his deathbed in the final hours of his life. His sons - all vying to inherit his wealth - stand by his side, arguing over who should take the kingdom.
"I am the smartest," says one.
"But I am the ...

A man stumbles upon a magic lamp

A man stumbles upon a magic lamp. Intrigued by his discovery, he proceeds to rub the lamp and before his very eyes, a genie appears.

"I have finally been released from my slumber and now I shall grant you three wishes in return. choose wisely!" The genie says.

The man considers his de...

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A man walks into a bar with an ostrich.

A man walks into a bar with an ostrich. He sits down at the bar, and the bartender asks him: "What can I get ya?"
The man: "I'll have two whiskeys please."
"That'll be $5.56.
The man pulls out exactly 5 dollars and 56 cents from his pocket. He puts it down on the bar, takes his whiskey, dri...

The year is 1850 in a river in California...

Hundreds of miners arrive in the river and all the territory in the river is claimed within 5 minutes as they look for treasure. Most of the miners grab a space in the river, but some got there a little too late, and didn't get any space, so they left... except one. For a few days, one miner sat in ...

The curse of the coffin

Three men, Gary, Dan, and Job, grew up together as best friends. They dreamed of one day becoming rich and would do anything to attain wealth. One day, as they were sitting in the local bar, they overheard another group of men discussing the long lost buried treasure of Captain Sleazybeard. The thre...

My longest Pickup line.(Its actually a poem)

In the Garden of Eden, As everyone knows,
Lives Adam and Eve, Without any clothes.
In this garden, Were two little leaves,
One covered Adam's, One covered Eve's.
As the story goes on, Never the less to say,
The wind came along, And blew the leaves away. At the sight, Adam did sta...

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What is the difference between a prospector and a paedophile?

Prospectors mine for treasure, but paedophiles treasure minor's.

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A man wins an online lottery of $5000 but finds out her entered the wrong email address.

He comes home disappointed and tells his son to send an email kindly requesting him to transfer all the money to his account, since he is the rightful recipient of the cash prize. However, his panic attack kicks in as he realizes he probably won't accept their request, and he tells his son to just s...

The President of the U.S. receives a call from the Treasury Department.

-Madam President, we are upgrading the vaults where we keep the gold reserve. Three designs are finalists, but you need to select the one we will use.

-What are the options?

-The first one is a made of reinforced concrete surrounding a steel cage with a nickel content of 8%. The second...

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The tale of Paul and Old Joe

There once was a man named Paul who, after some trouble with the law, found himself homeless behind a fast food joint just outside of Wichita, Kansas. He stayed there for a few days, drinking from the bathroom sinks and eating scraps from the trash, when an old rancher named Joe found him and took p...

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A bear, a frog and a genie.

A bear and a frog found a genie in the middle of the forest. As they both found it the genie grant them 3 wishes.

"I wish for a really tasty fly to come by,"
Said the frog.

The bear looked at him amused at his dumb wish and went on to ask,
"I wish female bears preferres me over ...

Sherlock and Watson are camping in the woods.

They set up their tent before dusk, and get right to sleep.

At 2:17 A.M., Sherlock wakes up, and shakes Watson awake. He says to Watson, "What do you see out there?"

Watson stares at the countless stars, and says "God has set before us a vast void, and filled it with celestial snow. Tr...

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