Dad : One man's trash is another man's treasure.

Son: What?



Dad: I'm putting you up for adoption.

My family is like treasure...

You’d need a map and shovel to find them.

My friends are like hidden treasure

3 feet deep underground

"One mans trash is another one's treasure" A great saying

But a terrible way to find out that you are adopted.

Why won't shrimps share their treasure?

Because they're shellfish.

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A brave and fearsome pirate captain approached an uncharted island, searching for treasure.

His crew raced ahead in their rowboat, eagerly awaiting a massive payday. They came upon a large forest and began searching desperately for the last clue on the map.

As the first mate guided them carefully up to a clearing, he gasped and pointed at a crouched figure straight ahead. The capta...

Comedians like Chris Farley and George Carlin were so good, they're a national treasure

Well, they used to be anyway


Now they're just buried treasure

What is a Pirates least favourite treasure to find?

A sunken chest with no booty.

I was digging in my garden and i found buried treasure.

I thought to go tell my wife but then I remembered why I was digging.

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A man is riding his donkey in the desert looking for treasure.

They go 5 miles, and pass an oasis, the donkey looks back, and the man goes,

“Just a little longer, Jackass.

They go 10 miles, and pass another oasis, the donkey looks back, and the man goes,

“Just a little longer, Jackass.”

They go 15 miles, and pass another oasis, the...

A treasure chest falls down from an airplane: Mickey Mouse, Santa Claus, a corrupt politician and an honest politician all run to the place where it lands. Who gets the treasure?

The corrupt politician, because all the others are fictional characters.

Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid...

If they had used a "G", nobody would ever have found their treasure.

Why was Caitlyn Jenner chosen as the PTA treasurer?

Because posting read “Must be trans parent.”

My ex girlfriend was an absolute treasure

I say this because just like treasure, you'll probably need a map and a shovel to find her

What did the pirate Reddit user say when he found a treasure chest?

“This will probably get buried but...”

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Hitler walks up to the Pearly Gates and says to St Peter, "I'd like to come in."

St Peter: "Not likely!"

Hitler: “I've repented and I've given back all the gold and treasures that I stole from the Jews, and I'm really sorry."

At that point, Jesus walks up and asks what's going on.

St Peter: "It's Hitler here, he wants to come in."

Jesus: "Bugger off!"...

Ugly Kid

You're so ugly, when you were born, your mum said, "what a treasure!" and your dad said, "Yeah. Let's Bury it!"

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What did the pirate captain say when he caught his first mate hiding a rooster in his treasure chest?

**Get yer cock out of me booty!**

When I was a kid, my brother told me about the treasure in the bottom of the well.

I fell for it.

The greatest treasure wins

Once, there were two tribes - the Ubangis and the Wallawallas. They worshiped the same gods, and their religion told them that whoever possessed the greatest worldly treasure had the gods's favor.

For many years, the favor of the gods lay with the Ubangis, whose chief had made a throne of ...

Genghis Khan stumbles across a great palace in Northern China

It was a magnificent golden palace, with beautiful ornaments covering every surface as it towered over the surrounding landscape with its size. The steps leading up to the front entrance were crafted from the finest marble, the pillars holding up the ceiling sculpted with the rarest jade. It was tru...

My uncle always told me, "The real treasure, was inside of you the whole time".

As kind as that sounds, he sold organs to the black market for a living.

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A school teacher, a police officer, and a hedge fund founder are trapped on a deserted island.

After scavenging for days with little success, they come across a magical lamp. The officer decides to give it a quick rub and out pops a genie.

"Hello, I am here to grant each of you an imperishable supply of food and water as you await your rescue. Be warned, it can only be consumed only ...

A guy was in a cave, looking for treasure.

He found an old lamp, rubbed it, and a genie came out.

The genie said "I will grant you three wishes, but your ex-wife will get double."

The man agreed, and said "I wish I had a mansion."

The genie granted it, and his ex-wife got two mansions.

The man said "I would li...

THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD...

How bad is it you ask?

So bad,

THAT....

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer....

We meet a lot of people in our lives who must be treasured.

You know, locked up in a box and buried underground.

Just as the Count was about to pounce on van Helsing, the door to the library was flung open.

Incontinently, a host of furious villagers stormed into the library, waving blazing torches and voicing dire threats. The Count turned to leap on them, then reeled back, repelled at the reek of garlic that wafted from them like a solid thing.

"Count Dracula!" cried the burgomaster, a solid ci...

What did the treasure hunter say when he finally found the map of the Golden City?

Atlas!

At what location is the gold on a dog’s treasure map?

Where p marks the spot

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PIRATE THAT KISSED THE PIRATE WOMANS TREASURE CHEST?

His tongue got stuck in her booty!

Nic Cage went through such a hassle to find a national treasure.

When all he had to do was look in a the mirror.

There was a treasure ship on its way back to port.

About halfway there, it was approached by a pirate, skull and crossbones waving in the breeze!


"Captain, captain, what do we do?" asked the first mate.


"First mate," said the captain, "go to my cabin, open my sea chest, and bring me my red shirt." The first mate did so.

...

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Early one morning, you pull down your favourite cup, only to find a small dragon, curled up and sleeping contentedly inside.

Confused and still half asleep you take the cup outside to empty the dragon carefully onto the grass, then return to rinse your cup and make coffee. The next morning he is back, curled snuggly inside the cup as before and you repeat the process.

After a week of repeating this process you make...

My son told me he wanted to be an archeologist

So I handed him the cat scoop and told him to find treasure in the cat box

A man visits a wise man and meets his three daughters...

He's staying for the night and each of the girls come to him in turn to offer their hospitality.

The first one tells him her name is June because she was born in June. She is well practiced in fortune telling and gives him advice on the future.

The second one tells him her name is Augu...

Tutankhamen: If you find ten guys to help, I'll cut you in on a slice of the treasure

Slave: This sounds like a pyramid scheme

Tutankhamen: A what?

A team of Swiss archaeologists discovered a new tomb in the middle of the Egyptian desert

They uncovered the tomb, and entered its dark cobweb-filled caverns. After digging and digging, they reached the center of the tomb, a burial chamber filled with treasures.

And at the center of the chamber, a sarcophagus made of pure gold. And once they opened it, they found an unnamed body, ...

My son is a treasure

You have to dig him up.

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A treasure hunter found gold inside a pile of dried turds.

He went through a lot of hard-shits to get it.

As a person who has owned over 50 dogs in their life there are 2 thing I’ve learnt...

1.) Your time with them Is brief so treasure it.

2.) They LOVE chocolate.

A woman came home to find her husband sleeping with another woman.

Distraught, the wife leave the house and decides to go and seek the advice of a wise monk who lives on a mountain.

The wife travels up the mountain to the monk and asks him for advice. The monk thinks for a minute and then offers the wife a cookie, she accepts and eats it, he then offers her ...

My Father always said his children are his treasures.

When he buried Debbie in the backyard it took a dark twist.

Nicolas Cage might be crazy

But you gotta admit, the man is a national treasure

Where did the peanut hide his treasure?

Inside a chestnut.

A pirate captain was out at sea when his first mate ran to him suddenly...

The first mate shouted “Sir! Theres a ship on the horizon armed with 10 cannons and 100 men!”

The captain replied, “bring me my red shirt and prepare for battle!”

The pirates fight and win the battle, making off with all the treasure. A few days later, the first mate again run up yell...

My girlfriend just emailed me a photo of us on our first date together. It's a very treasured memory for me. Problem is, the file wont open on my computer.

I guess I have emotional attachment issues.

My GF is like my treasure...

I buried her in my backyard yesterday.

What is the pirate's favourite letter?

Many would say C or P or even R, but it's X. Cause that's where the treasures is

People always say, "Its the little things in life you treasure"...

But whenever I'm naked, girls always laugh.

The girlfriend ask her boyfriend.

What will happen if i pulled the plug when you are in the middle of your game.

The boyfriend replied.

I will treasure the time with you, deepen our relationship, so that one day we can get married. Have 1 or 2 kids in our happy family and grow old together. And when we are too old, w...

Why did the pirate put springs on his treasure chest?

He wanted to see that booty bounce.

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My dick is like a Nicolas Cage movie

Not because it’s a national treasure but because it’s gone in 60 seconds.

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These three men went into business together and the first one said: "I put up sixty-five percent of the capital, so I'm the president and chairman of the board."

“I put up thirty percent of the money," said the second, "so I'm appointing myself vice president, secretary and treasurer."

“Well I put up five percent," pointed out the third partner. "What's that make me?"

The chairman said, "I'm appointing you vice president of sex and music." ...

I posted a joke here and nobody seemed to notice. A day later somebody else posted my joke and got tons of upvotes.

They weren’t lying when they said one mans trash is another mans treasure.

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Pirate pick-up lines

“I must be huntin’ treasure, ’cause I’m diggin’ yer chest.”

“Ya certainly put the shiver in me timber.”

“See this hook? Variable speed with five alternate attachments, Baby.”

“Nice poop deck on ya, lassie. Care fer a swabbin’?”

“Avast, me pretty! Strike your panties and p...

Hello, God?

In an effort to combat religious bigotry, the leaders of the world's largest religions decided to show solidarity by organizing a world tour, where they would all visit each other in their respective seats of power.

The first stop on the tour was the Vatican where the Pope welcomed the group ...

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Three friends are fishing when a crocodile comes ashore and grants them three wishes...

The first friend says "I wish I could catch a huge marlin"

The crocodile swims away for a moment, then comes back.
The friend then pulls in a massive marlin.

"Amazing!" Says the second friend "Well you know what? I wish I were rich"

The crocodile then swims underwater and fet...

Three young friends, seeking a fortune, adventure together to Egypt where a new pyramid has been discovered.

Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavated. The friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never before used.

It is through this entrance that they find a secret passageway, one that is made at...

What have I named the Pie section of my bakery menu?

Treasure Hunter cus its full of Pie-Rates

A North Korean man is walking home

A North Korean man is walking along the road when he spots a fish caught in the reeds. Excitedly, he scooped it up and ran home.

"Look what I found!" he says, revealing his treasure to his wife, "Quick heat the oil"

"But husband, the police confiscated the oil! They said subversives co...

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Modern Day Cowboy

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water.


His horse has already died of thirst.


He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards a...

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Three sons go to their father on his deathbed...

A father of three - a man of considerable wealth and creator of a veritable empire - lies on his deathbed in the final hours of his life. His sons - all vying to inherit his wealth - stand by his side, arguing over who should take the kingdom.
"I am the smartest," says one.
"But I am the ...

The curse of the coffin

Three men, Gary, Dan, and Job, grew up together as best friends. They dreamed of one day becoming rich and would do anything to attain wealth. One day, as they were sitting in the local bar, they overheard another group of men discussing the long lost buried treasure of Captain Sleazybeard. The thre...

Once a woman gave birth to a very ugly baby

When the nurse showed it to her, she told her husband:

-Look at this, isn't it a treasure?

The husband replied:

-Of course it is, bring a shovel and lets bury it

I'm launching a pirating website.

It has two games: a treasure hunting game called "X Marrrrrrks the Spot" and a naval warfare game called "Take No Prisonerrrrrrs." It also has lots of free movies you can download and watch.

All the movies have 3.14 stars.

A monk at a Benedictine monastery lived there for many years,

became well known for his immense learning, and eventually rose to the position of abbot, where he gained access to the monastery’s full archives. He decided to open the archives and begin translating and cataloging it.

So he holed up in the vast library, carefully going through its many rare...

A wise old pirate captain has captured a group of merchant sailors, but he tells them that he will spare their lives if they can answer a question: What is a pirate's favorite letter?

The first sailor, with a smug look on his face, haughtily walks up to the captain and says "Obviously it's RRRRRRR!". The captain slowly shakes his head and says "RRRRRR you kidding me?" before throwing the sailor overboard to the sharks. The second sailor, a little wary now but still feeling confid...

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