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Treasure Jokes

One man's trash is another Man's treasure

Is not the way to tell your son he is adopted.

A large and powerful kingdom conquered their wealthy neighbor only to discover its treasure was all hidden away.

Only the count from the conquered kingdom knew where the gold was hidden but he refused to tell.

The conquerors took him to the dungeon, placed his head on the chopping block, and told him:

“This is your last chance! Tell us where the gold is or off comes your head!”

Beads of s...

My ex girlfriend was an absolute treasure

I say this because just like treasure, you'll probably need a map and a shovel to find her

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A man is looking for a long lost treasure and comes across an old witch.

He says, "I'm looking for the Treasure of the Hidden Sea. Do you know where to find it?"

She smiles and says, "I do. But there is a price to pay if you do."

"I'll pay anything," the man says knowing that he's been looking for this treasure for three decades. "Just tell me how to get ...

My family is like a treasure to me…

You need a shovel and a map to find them

My wife is a treasure

I won’t tell you where she’s buried though

When people use metal detectors, they’re treasure hunters…

but when _I_ do it, I’m “a thief” and I “need to leave the war memorial.”

Double standards, man. I swear

Some people are such treasures

That you just want to bury them

Seems there was a treasure ship on its way back to port.

About halfway there, it was approached by a pirate, skull and crossbones waving
in the breeze!

"Captain, captain, what do we do?" asked the first mate.

"First mate," said the captain, "go to my cabin, open my sea
chest, and bring me my red shirt." The first mate did so.
...

THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD...

How bad is it you ask?

So bad,

THAT....

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer....

"Our club is looking for a treasurer."

"Didn't you just hire one last month?"

"Yes, that's the one we're looking for."

Somali Pirates Can't Find Hidden Treasure Buried in 2007

A bunch of Somali pirates lost their hidden treasure. They last saw their hidden treasure in 2007. They tried everything, bloodhounds, radar, metal detectors, sonar. But they couldn't find their treasure.

One day, one of the pirates had a suggestion.

"Captain, we should break R ...

A guy was in a cave, looking for treasure

He found an old lamp, rubbed it, and a genie came out.

The genie said "I will grant you three wishes, but your ex-wife will get double."

The man agreed, and said "I wish I had a mansion."

The genie granted it, and his ex-wife got two mansions.

The man said "I would like a...

Why won't shrimps share their treasure?

Because they're shellfish.

As a person who has owned over 50 dogs in their life there are 2 thing I’ve learnt...

1.) Your time with them Is brief so treasure it.

2.) They LOVE chocolate.

OC: How did the pirate announce he'd banned Kanye from the treasure hunt?

“There be no gold for Ye here.“

I have an axe owned by George Washington.

My great, great, great grandfather had to replace the handle. And my great grandfather had to replace the blade.

But it is a treasured heirloom.

What do you call it when you can’t find your buried treasure 3.14 times and are furious about it

Being pi-irate

I was digging in my garden and i found buried treasure.

I thought to go tell my wife but then I remembered why I was digging.

What is a Pirates least favourite treasure to find?

A sunken chest with no booty.

My most treasured possession is an Epipen

The last thing my best friend ever did was give it to me. It doesn't seem like much, but he really, really wanted me to have it. *sniffle*

The greatest treasure wins

Once, there were two tribes - the Ubangis and the Wallawallas. They worshiped the same gods, and their religion told them that whoever possessed the greatest worldly treasure had the gods's favor.

For many years, the favor of the gods lay with the Ubangis, whose chief had made a throne of ...

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A brave and fearsome pirate captain approached an uncharted island, searching for treasure.

His crew raced ahead in their rowboat, eagerly awaiting a massive payday. They came upon a large forest and began searching desperately for the last clue on the map.

As the first mate guided them carefully up to a clearing, he gasped and pointed at a crouched figure straight ahead. The capta...

A treasure chest falls down from an airplane: Mickey Mouse, Santa Claus, a corrupt politician and an honest politician all run to the place where it lands. Who gets the treasure?

The corrupt politician, because all the others are fictional characters.

What does a cake pirate do with his treasure?

He berries it on a dessert island.

A Joke my kid told me

A guy goes to buy a notebook at the stationery shop. He finds a good one wrapped in plastic for $10, so he takes it up to the counter. The cashier rings it up, but tells the guy no matter what, not to look at the last page. The guy thinks it’s an odd thing to say, but pays the $10 and takes the note...

Why was Caitlyn Jenner chosen as the PTA treasurer?

Because posting read “Must be trans parent.”

My son is a treasure

You have to dig him up.

Comedians like Chris Farley and George Carlin were so good, they're a national treasure

Well, they used to be anyway


Now they're just buried treasure

Pirate 1: "the treasures be buried"

Pirate 2:" *are"

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Bob and Pete went treasure hunting in a deep jungle (sad story)

"Damn it Pete, it's been three days we've got no burgers, no beer, not even a couch and It's all your fault!"

"Won't be long now Bob, the map says it's somewhere 'round here... how 'bout you go east i go west that would save us some time right?"

"Right... This better be worth it Pete"<...

Where did the peanut hide his treasure?

Inside a chestnut.

My GF is like my treasure...

I buried her in my backyard yesterday.

At what location is the gold on a dog’s treasure map?

Where p marks the spot

My uncle always told me, "The real treasure, was inside of you the whole time".

As kind as that sounds, he sold organs to the black market for a living.

When I was a kid, my brother told me about the treasure in the bottom of the well.

I fell for it.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PIRATE THAT KISSED THE PIRATE WOMANS TREASURE CHEST?

His tongue got stuck in her booty!

Nic Cage went through such a hassle to find a national treasure.

When all he had to do was look in a the mirror.

My Father always said his children are his treasures.

When he buried Debbie in the backyard it took a dark twist.

We meet a lot of people in our lives who must be treasured.

You know, locked up in a box and buried underground.

What did the treasure hunter say when he finally found the map of the Golden City?

Atlas!

The curse of the coffin

Three men, Gary, Dan, and Job, grew up together as best friends. They dreamed of one day becoming rich and would do anything to attain wealth. One day, as they were sitting in the local bar, they overheard another group of men discussing the long lost buried treasure of Captain Sleazybeard. The thre...

Tutankhamen: If you find ten guys to help, I'll cut you in on a slice of the treasure

Slave: This sounds like a pyramid scheme

Tutankhamen: A what?

A Fighter, a Rogue, a Wizard and a Cleric walk into a dungeon...

The fighter says "Keep an eye out for mimics!"

"Got it!" said the Rogue.

"No problem!" said the Wizard.

"Of course!" said the Cleric.

"Psh! Mimics aren't real!" said the treasure chest.

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Three friends are fishing when a crocodile comes ashore and grants them three wishes...

The first friend says "I wish I could catch a huge marlin"

The crocodile swims away for a moment, then comes back.
The friend then pulls in a massive marlin.

"Amazing!" Says the second friend "Well you know what? I wish I were rich"

The crocodile then swims underwater and fet...

Why did the pirate put springs on his treasure chest?

He wanted to see that booty bounce.

You're so ugly that when you were born....

Your mother said "what a little treasure."
Your father replied "yeah let's bury it."

Why did the little crab keep all the treasure for himself?

Because he was a little shellfish.

People always say, "Its the little things in life you treasure"...

But whenever I'm naked, girls always laugh.

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A detachment of US Marines are conducting jungle warfare training in the Congo, and one night around the campfire, the Congolese troops they're training with tell the Marines the tale of a cave in the middle of the jungle, filled with golden treasure but guarded by a fearsome monster.

According to the local soldiers, the cave is filled with the treasures of an ancient African king, but a sorcerer used his arcane powers to create an unholy creature to guard it. She was formed from a mix of human, gorilla, chimpanzee, and baboon, and stands seven feet tall, enormously strong. She h...

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A young man traveled the world in search of buried treasure. After five years with no luck, he received a prophecy from an enchantress which told of a vast hoard of golden loot squirreled away in Bermuda by a famous privateer crew.

Sure enough, after sailing for another year, he came to the place the enchantress had spoken of and found a trove of coins and medallions, enough to make him wealthy beyond his wildest dreams.

He brought all of it on board his ship and through storms and turmoil returned home with his prize....

I posted a joke here and nobody seemed to notice. A day later somebody else posted my joke and got tons of upvotes.

They weren’t lying when they said one mans trash is another mans treasure.

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There were 3 men.

There were 3 men who grew up together in a small town Jim, George, and Jerry. They were known for the quirks, Jim being a fire bug, George being a nature lover, and Jerry being a deep sea diver. One day Jerry happens upon a bottle with a note on it along the coast. He rushed to show his friends hi...

A man visits a wise man and meets his three daughters...

He's staying for the night and each of the girls come to him in turn to offer their hospitality.

The first one tells him her name is June because she was born in June. She is well practiced in fortune telling and gives him advice on the future.

The second one tells him her name is Augu...

Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid.

If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.

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What do gays guys and garage sales have in common?

"One man's junk is another man's treasure"

A sailor and a pirate walk into a bar.

They sit down next to each other and get to Talking. Their chat soon turns to their sea Adventures. The sailor tells of his days fighting Wars with the navy, and the pirate tells of robbing Ships and killing his enemies.
The sailor notices That the pirate has an eye patch, a hook and a Peg leg, ...

A woman came home to find her husband sleeping with another woman.

Distraught, the wife leave the house and decides to go and seek the advice of a wise monk who lives on a mountain.

The wife travels up the mountain to the monk and asks him for advice. The monk thinks for a minute and then offers the wife a cookie, she accepts and eats it, he then offers her ...

Just as the Count was about to pounce on van Helsing, the door to the library was flung open.

Incontinently, a host of furious villagers stormed into the library, waving blazing torches and voicing dire threats. The Count turned to leap on them, then reeled back, repelled at the reek of garlic that wafted from them like a solid thing.

"Count Dracula!" cried the burgomaster, a solid ci...

How do a Cannibal and Stoner Reflect on their Journey, Together?

"Maybe the real treasure was the friends we baked along the way."

My girlfriend just emailed me a photo of us on our first date together. It's a very treasured memory for me. Problem is, the file wont open on my computer.

I guess I have emotional attachment issues.

What do you call a picture of a chest?

A “Treasured” moment

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Early one morning, you pull down your favourite cup, only to find a small dragon, curled up and sleeping contentedly inside.

Confused and still half asleep you take the cup outside to empty the dragon carefully onto the grass, then return to rinse your cup and make coffee. The next morning he is back, curled snuggly inside the cup as before and you repeat the process.

After a week of repeating this process you make...

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What is the difference between a prospector and a paedophile?

Prospectors mine for treasure, but paedophiles treasure minor's.

My son told me he wanted to be an archeologist

So I handed him the cat scoop and told him to find treasure in the cat box

Nicolas Cage might be crazy

But you gotta admit, the man is a national treasure

Did you hear the one about the captain's lucky shirt?

So a pirate captain is walking along the deck of his ship, when all of a sudden the crier in the crows-nest yells "Spanish treasure ship getting within range!"

So the captain rallies his men, and calls to his first mate "First mate, get me my lucky red shirt". The captain puts the shirt on an...

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